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Holy Bible - Best God Damned Version - Genesis: For atheists, agnostics, and fans of religious stupidity
Genesis. Every goddamned chapter. Because you know it's nonsense but were never sure why.
172 pages, Kindle Edition
First published October 19, 2013
277 people are currently reading
360 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 65 reviews
July 31, 2016
It's fun reading the one-star reviews of this, because believers say the darnedest things. The ones who objected to the profanity, for instance, are not offended by the fact that their good book is obsessed with sex, including incest and rape. 'Cause those things are okay, but the word fuck isn't, though it's only used about the same number of times "went in unto" and other euphemisms for the sex act appear, and that's just in Genesis. And those of you who bitched that the actual text of the bible wasn't repeated here? You posted your reviews on the internet for spaghetti's sake! The bible is everywhere there. (Hint: you probably have one at home, too. Ever tried actually reading it? Maybe our devious author was trying to get you to do just that.) Some complained about the repetition. See hint above.
This was so well-done -- not always laugh-out-loud funny, but neither is the subject matter. I hope more chapters are forthcoming. I will read them with relish.
For further fun, the two-part video on Noah's Ark by NonStampCollector on YouTube is priceless. For true scholarship, there's nothing better than The Skeptic's Annotated Bible (and Qur'an, and Book of Mormon) http://skepticsannotatedbible.com/.
This was so well-done -- not always laugh-out-loud funny, but neither is the subject matter. I hope more chapters are forthcoming. I will read them with relish.
For further fun, the two-part video on Noah's Ark by NonStampCollector on YouTube is priceless. For true scholarship, there's nothing better than The Skeptic's Annotated Bible (and Qur'an, and Book of Mormon) http://skepticsannotatedbible.com/.
October 15, 2014
Warning: If you are one who takes the Bible as being absolute Gospel (pardon the pun), this book will most likely offend you.
However, if you are willing to embrace the various quirks and foibles of the Book of Genesis--and you're not afraid of a little satire and profanity--you'll probably laugh. A lot.
This book has an infectious, storytelling tone and rhythm that had me laughing out loud, a lot more than a commentary on Genesis normally would.
Author Steve Ebling admits to being an Atheist, which doesn't mean he can't study scripture. He makes some valid points, but mainly he has a ball with his analysis of Genesis, and the joy was infectious. In the preface, he talks of his plan to do continue until he's aimed his contradiction-finding, fun-making guns at the entire Bible.
I hope he does. That would be a fun and interesting read.
However, if you are willing to embrace the various quirks and foibles of the Book of Genesis--and you're not afraid of a little satire and profanity--you'll probably laugh. A lot.
This book has an infectious, storytelling tone and rhythm that had me laughing out loud, a lot more than a commentary on Genesis normally would.
Author Steve Ebling admits to being an Atheist, which doesn't mean he can't study scripture. He makes some valid points, but mainly he has a ball with his analysis of Genesis, and the joy was infectious. In the preface, he talks of his plan to do continue until he's aimed his contradiction-finding, fun-making guns at the entire Bible.
I hope he does. That would be a fun and interesting read.
April 7, 2015
Even though I agree with most of the author's observations, he does tend to fall into the habit of many recent writers and resort to vulgarity and profanity to make his points which detracts mightily from his thesis. Stick with the educated and erudite writers like Dawkins, Hitchens and Sagan for the same perspective. While I may not agree with rabid Christians, this level of disrespect is uncalled for. Even at 99 cents for the kindle edition, it is over-priced!
April 12, 2015
A great God Damned read!
This version of Genesis really breaks things down and questions many of its inconsistencies. My only gripe is that there don't seem to be best goddamned versions of the other books yet! I want to read the entire Bible like this.
This version of Genesis really breaks things down and questions many of its inconsistencies. My only gripe is that there don't seem to be best goddamned versions of the other books yet! I want to read the entire Bible like this.
July 4, 2016
This is a Goodreads win review. When I checked off the box for this book I took the title literally. Being a Christian I was very offended by this book and the foul and crude language does not work for me. I am throwing it out.
December 21, 2014
With all due respect, I can't help but imagine how funny it would be if this book were made into a movie.
November 2, 2018
I'm no militant atheist but I do get very irritated by hypocrisy, double speak, and contradiction, especially when it's in the supposed guiding doctrines that underpin our 'Christian Society'.
This was wonderful. Ebling points out, quite clearly if you're familiar with the source materials, how the Bible seems to have been written bunch of lunatics. It rambles like a drunkard, completely lacking any cohesion; it repeatedly tells the same story while repeatedly changing details, as though not one of the editors or writers noticed all the repetition or endless contradictions. It's as though since the last chapter was added no one had thought to check it for clarity, continuity, or sanity - like I said, a drunkard.
Ebling knows his religious texts, not just the main three Christianity/Judaism/Islam. Watching Ebling unravel the nonsensical drivel in the three main 'bibles' was all the better for the fact that he has done far more than the necessary amount of homework. What point is there in a critical analysis of a thing if only compared against itself. Yeah, none. No point at all.
Here's a quote to get a light jist of this beautiful thing.
For an all-knowing, all-seeing guy, god didn't know much or see much.
Choosing a quote was difficult. There were so many. The book is like a quote factory. The issue was in choosing one that wouldn't anger everyone bearing a god boner. I'm off to hunt down the rest of the instalments to this thing.
My Rating: 4 frustratingly inconsistent drunkards out of 5.
This was wonderful. Ebling points out, quite clearly if you're familiar with the source materials, how the Bible seems to have been written bunch of lunatics. It rambles like a drunkard, completely lacking any cohesion; it repeatedly tells the same story while repeatedly changing details, as though not one of the editors or writers noticed all the repetition or endless contradictions. It's as though since the last chapter was added no one had thought to check it for clarity, continuity, or sanity - like I said, a drunkard.
Ebling knows his religious texts, not just the main three Christianity/Judaism/Islam. Watching Ebling unravel the nonsensical drivel in the three main 'bibles' was all the better for the fact that he has done far more than the necessary amount of homework. What point is there in a critical analysis of a thing if only compared against itself. Yeah, none. No point at all.
Here's a quote to get a light jist of this beautiful thing.
Where [...] is the universe?
Go stand on the eastern shore of the Mediterranean Sea. Draw a circle around you a couple thousand miles in diameter. That big flat circle is the biblical “earth.” Now, place the solid blue dome of heaven (the sky) over this “earth” and you have the biblical “world.”
The bible thinks we live in a goddamn terrarium! The earth is the floor and the heaven is the dome! The primal water exists above the heaven and below the earth. God opens windows in the heaven when he wants it to rain on us and springs gurgle up from below the earth. The sun, moon, and stars are skylights. There are no continents, no other places or climates, no Atlantic or Pacific oceans in a bible that does not accurately describe anything more than one lousy donkey ride from the Mediterranean Sea.
Consider this: God spent five days creating the earth and one day creating the rest of the universe! Does that make sense? The universe exists for fifteen billion light years in every direction we can see. There are trillions upon trillions upon trillions of stars in it, for Chrissake! A grain of sand is a far bigger percentage of the earth than the earth is of the universe! By a factor of about a gazillion! And we have no idea where the universe ends, or if it ends, and we can only guess as to what might exist beyond it.
For an all-knowing, all-seeing guy, god didn't know much or see much.
Choosing a quote was difficult. There were so many. The book is like a quote factory. The issue was in choosing one that wouldn't anger everyone bearing a god boner. I'm off to hunt down the rest of the instalments to this thing.
My Rating: 4 frustratingly inconsistent drunkards out of 5.
September 20, 2015
The goal of this book is to offer a satirical walk-through of the events described in the biblical Book of Genesis, highlighting its many contradictions and non-sequiturs and generally taking the piss out of it.
In a better world, a book like this would seem boorish and uncultured: a smug cheap shot at the mythology of a more primitive culture, one that should be treated with respect and dignity, and properly understood in the context of its time. In our actual world, however, this rambling and incoherent pastiche of creation myths that we call "The Bible" is not properly understood as such by a sizeable and, unfortunately, very influential subset of the population, who instead consider it the divine and inerrant word of The Creator. Therefore, this book couldn't be more timely and pertinent, and its irreverent "gloves-off" style seems completely merited. I think Kevin Spacey's John Doe from the movie Se7en (ironically, a religious fanatic) sums it up nicely: "Wanting people to listen, you can't just tap them on the shoulder anymore. You have to hit them with a sledgehammer, and then you'll notice you've got their strict attention."
To be honest, the comedic prose is not stellar and becomes repetitive as it goes on (although to be fair, anyone who has idly perused the Bible can attest that these criticisms apply there even more strongly). Overall, I rather enjoyed it and recommend for a quick read. I'm dubious as to whether my interest would be sustained were the author to pursue his stated objective of extending the parody to the remaining books of bible. Instead, I'd some day like to tackle the bible itself in all its ridiculousness: I suspect that if approached with an open but skeptical mind it probably reads quite well as a parody already.
Which brings me to the key takeaway that I think one gets from this book: even setting aside its claims to divine origins as fatuous and bogus, it offers precious little in the way of morality or ethical guidance of any kind. And yet, how many people today will happily offer some variant on "okay, I guess I don't believe it literally word for word, but it's the principles and values that the Bible teaches which make it so important, blah blah blah". Well, Ebling's book just might give such fence-sitters pause for thought. Because it demonstrates that, far from being "Good" in any meaningful way, it's nothing more than a parochial collection of Bronze Age shaggy dog stories, steeped in the brutal and utterly benighted values of its day. That it should occupy such a hallowed place in any 21st century culture should be viewed as both an intellectual and a moral scandal.
In a better world, a book like this would seem boorish and uncultured: a smug cheap shot at the mythology of a more primitive culture, one that should be treated with respect and dignity, and properly understood in the context of its time. In our actual world, however, this rambling and incoherent pastiche of creation myths that we call "The Bible" is not properly understood as such by a sizeable and, unfortunately, very influential subset of the population, who instead consider it the divine and inerrant word of The Creator. Therefore, this book couldn't be more timely and pertinent, and its irreverent "gloves-off" style seems completely merited. I think Kevin Spacey's John Doe from the movie Se7en (ironically, a religious fanatic) sums it up nicely: "Wanting people to listen, you can't just tap them on the shoulder anymore. You have to hit them with a sledgehammer, and then you'll notice you've got their strict attention."
To be honest, the comedic prose is not stellar and becomes repetitive as it goes on (although to be fair, anyone who has idly perused the Bible can attest that these criticisms apply there even more strongly). Overall, I rather enjoyed it and recommend for a quick read. I'm dubious as to whether my interest would be sustained were the author to pursue his stated objective of extending the parody to the remaining books of bible. Instead, I'd some day like to tackle the bible itself in all its ridiculousness: I suspect that if approached with an open but skeptical mind it probably reads quite well as a parody already.
Which brings me to the key takeaway that I think one gets from this book: even setting aside its claims to divine origins as fatuous and bogus, it offers precious little in the way of morality or ethical guidance of any kind. And yet, how many people today will happily offer some variant on "okay, I guess I don't believe it literally word for word, but it's the principles and values that the Bible teaches which make it so important, blah blah blah". Well, Ebling's book just might give such fence-sitters pause for thought. Because it demonstrates that, far from being "Good" in any meaningful way, it's nothing more than a parochial collection of Bronze Age shaggy dog stories, steeped in the brutal and utterly benighted values of its day. That it should occupy such a hallowed place in any 21st century culture should be viewed as both an intellectual and a moral scandal.
November 13, 2015
I thought this would be like the brilliantly readable "Holy Unbelievable" by PC Dixon which hilariously rips the biblical texts to shreds in a chucklesome no-nonsense approach.
Sadly this was not the case here. The author has tried far too hard by filling the book with swearing and crudeness which to be frank simply isn't funny when used to this degree.
Disappointed. Give it a go if you can borrow it but otherwise I wouldn't waste my money.
Sadly this was not the case here. The author has tried far too hard by filling the book with swearing and crudeness which to be frank simply isn't funny when used to this degree.
Disappointed. Give it a go if you can borrow it but otherwise I wouldn't waste my money.
April 7, 2015
True Atheist
I really thought this book was entertaining and truthful . The Bible is so contradicting . If you want some good entertainment read this book . I loved it.
I really thought this book was entertaining and truthful . The Bible is so contradicting . If you want some good entertainment read this book . I loved it.
November 28, 2015
Dull. Constant swearing doesn't add instant humour and grows tiresome after a while. Sorry.
February 16, 2016
Vulgar and crude - try PC Dixon's "Holy Unbelievable" for the same theme but better writing.
January 19, 2022
I assume that this book is meant to be a comical (sic) parody of Genesis. As such the potty mouth of the writer spoils any attempt at lampooning that he is endeavouring.
Alternatively this book may be meant as a serious 'critique' of the Bible and Genesis in particular. If that is what it is then it is a ludicrous and peurile assemblage of poorly thought out and ridiculously presented venom. So pathetic is it that I will not try and argue or discuss the points made in its pages except to say to the author..GROW UP.
Alternatively this book may be meant as a serious 'critique' of the Bible and Genesis in particular. If that is what it is then it is a ludicrous and peurile assemblage of poorly thought out and ridiculously presented venom. So pathetic is it that I will not try and argue or discuss the points made in its pages except to say to the author..GROW UP.
April 26, 2020
This is actually the third time I’ve read this. It’s hilarious and really makes you realise how poorly written and contradictory the bible is.
The poor reviews are literally written by Christians who can only pick on the language used and don’t face up to the travesty of a book that their life is based on.
Please write more bible books!
The poor reviews are literally written by Christians who can only pick on the language used and don’t face up to the travesty of a book that their life is based on.
Please write more bible books!
August 5, 2021
Short, pretty funny book that pulls exactly zero punches when evaluating the sanity of the Genesis portion of The Bible. For people interested in religion and atheism, and looking for something edgier to read during work commutes or something like that.
November 15, 2016
This is way better
So funny and a joy to have a good laugh. Was everything I hoped it would be in every way.
So funny and a joy to have a good laugh. Was everything I hoped it would be in every way.
September 16, 2017
Very Entertaining
The author has a lot of good points and presents them in a humorous and enlightening way! Would read more of his books!
The author has a lot of good points and presents them in a humorous and enlightening way! Would read more of his books!
September 29, 2018
Hilarious!
November 25, 2018
Funny, accurate, and lessons learned I couldn’t stop reading it the Bible and iOS insanity never stops making me laugh and scared at the same time
March 29, 2019
Weird version but I think a lot of people will read it and enjoy this book
But I wouldn't read it again but many people will think it's funny and enjoy it so each to their own
But I wouldn't read it again but many people will think it's funny and enjoy it so each to their own
October 27, 2019
It's pretty funny and makes some excellent points. I whip it out for my personal readings on kindle when bible banging family members start preaching at me. Makes me feel less annoyed.
June 29, 2020
Very funny way to show that the bible was completely written by humans, not even using help from any god. Sometimes, exagerates, but i think the point is valid.
October 6, 2021
Interesting view
I liked this book; a bit common but, so direct and to the point. To all those “saved” people I recommend it.
I liked this book; a bit common but, so direct and to the point. To all those “saved” people I recommend it.
December 17, 2021
Save your money.
The "book" is contained in "Holy Bible Best God Damned Version: The Books of Moses."
The "book" is contained in "Holy Bible Best God Damned Version: The Books of Moses."
October 18, 2022
Excellent and thoroughly entertaining book. Really shows you how ridiculous and vile one of the worst written fairy tales, the bible, really is.
December 29, 2022
Entertaining. Hilarious. Honest
March 25, 2016
This is a no-hold-barred critique of the Holy Bible. The author calls this Holy Scripture "senseless'. He goes on to add that "the Bible will occasionally outdo itself and you just have to accept it as incidental, undecipherable stupidity and read on". The book is replete with examples drawn out from the Bible to prove his point. And the biggest condemnation comes when the author states that "he's God and is not required to make sense". He also points towards the deplorable status of women in the scripture : "And you women can learn something here (warning the women) : You are not here to cause trouble, do you hear me? You're here to help the men! The Bible is very clear about this : You are 'helpers' ".
The sense humour is phenomenal as the authors tears into various assumptions and events. The book may hurt the feelings of the religious minded but keeps you amused even if you disagree (strongly on some occasions).
The sense humour is phenomenal as the authors tears into various assumptions and events. The book may hurt the feelings of the religious minded but keeps you amused even if you disagree (strongly on some occasions).
August 19, 2014
Nothing new is exposed here about the ridiculousness that is Genesis. But I kept chuckling throughout the book, and that being the main purpose of me reading this, I think it's a solid four stars.
A little editing and grammar correction would definitely take this book further. At one point the author uses 'viola' instead of 'voila' which I dont think is a typo, but a very common mistake, like the whole your and you're thing. But then who picks up this book for the grammar.
Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed it and hope Mr. Ebling is busy writing Exodus, coz I'm paying him to read that!
A little editing and grammar correction would definitely take this book further. At one point the author uses 'viola' instead of 'voila' which I dont think is a typo, but a very common mistake, like the whole your and you're thing. But then who picks up this book for the grammar.
Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed it and hope Mr. Ebling is busy writing Exodus, coz I'm paying him to read that!
August 12, 2014
The author sums up the book of Genesis chapter by chapter. He does a great job using humor to point out how ridiculous the stories actually are and when individual tales are contradictory. Sometimes he goes a little over the top in an attempt to be funny but quickly reins himself.
If the author gets around to writing Exodus, I will definitely read it. Recommended for skeptics who want to know the stories of Genesis but don't want to actually read Genesis.
If the author gets around to writing Exodus, I will definitely read it. Recommended for skeptics who want to know the stories of Genesis but don't want to actually read Genesis.
March 17, 2015
Really Entertaining
This was a fun read. It felt like I was reading the real thing at times and then I would come across an improvised conversation where someone said something like "asshole" and I would laugh as I remembered what this book really is. I want to read it again but I decided to download the Old Testament to see how some of these obsurd stories are told in the real thing.
This was a fun read. It felt like I was reading the real thing at times and then I would come across an improvised conversation where someone said something like "asshole" and I would laugh as I remembered what this book really is. I want to read it again but I decided to download the Old Testament to see how some of these obsurd stories are told in the real thing.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 65 reviews