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A Court of Bovines and Destiny: An Epic Arthurian Fantasy Satire Featuring a Sassy Cow
Enter an elite and magical world of fantasy, magic swords, and cows from an author YET to hit the bestseller list.
Buddy the Cow was supposed to live out his life chewing cud and eating grass, content to be nothing but an ordinary cow. But when a Fae curse sends him on the journey of a lifetime, he becomes destined for something to be the king of Cowmelot.
But when you're a cow with no fingers and no martial training, death is only a heartbeat away... because evil sorcerers like swords, especially magical ones.
With only a centaur, a magicless wizard, and a bunny girl barbarian to protect him, Buddy finds his life threatened by the evil High Sorcerer Geoff Geezos. The sorcerer wants Buddy to join Hamazon, his world wide tchotchke delivery service. Or die.
He'll need every edge he can get, even if it means seeking out those that would destroy him.
Yet, with every day that passes, Geoff Geezos grows more deadly and Buddy's friends can no longer protect him from everything. The adventure claims lives one after another and nobody, not even a Fae-cursed cow, knows if they'll make it to the end.
Friends, enemies, lovers. Everyone making the quest to Cowmelot has an agenda. Because once you become the one and true king, there's only one way out. Take the throne, or die.
A Court of Bovines and Destiny was previously published under the title "The Quest for Cowmelot" by Blake R. Wolfe. While the title and the cover have changed, the content remains the same.
Buddy the Cow was supposed to live out his life chewing cud and eating grass, content to be nothing but an ordinary cow. But when a Fae curse sends him on the journey of a lifetime, he becomes destined for something to be the king of Cowmelot.
But when you're a cow with no fingers and no martial training, death is only a heartbeat away... because evil sorcerers like swords, especially magical ones.
With only a centaur, a magicless wizard, and a bunny girl barbarian to protect him, Buddy finds his life threatened by the evil High Sorcerer Geoff Geezos. The sorcerer wants Buddy to join Hamazon, his world wide tchotchke delivery service. Or die.
He'll need every edge he can get, even if it means seeking out those that would destroy him.
Yet, with every day that passes, Geoff Geezos grows more deadly and Buddy's friends can no longer protect him from everything. The adventure claims lives one after another and nobody, not even a Fae-cursed cow, knows if they'll make it to the end.
Friends, enemies, lovers. Everyone making the quest to Cowmelot has an agenda. Because once you become the one and true king, there's only one way out. Take the throne, or die.
A Court of Bovines and Destiny was previously published under the title "The Quest for Cowmelot" by Blake R. Wolfe. While the title and the cover have changed, the content remains the same.
- GenresFantasy
439 pages, Kindle Edition
Published July 18, 2024
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Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews
April 24, 2026
Who could have predicted an unnamed cow would be the pure soul to pull the enchanted sword from the rock (not a sword in the stone, that might create copyright issues.)? Well, maybe you could if you paid attention to the fact that the one who got the sword was to become king in Cowmelot. This definitely adult satire on the Arthurian legends starts off with a simple cow doing simple cow things until he is cursed by a fairy for accidentally knocking over part of a fairy ring of mushrooms. Oh, the fairy is upset, upset at the wrath to be expected from the HOA. The cow is cursed with being set on the path of Destiny.
Along the way, the cow comes into contact with a wizard that has magic issues; a pint-sized assassin that is tough beyond her cute exterior; a half man-half horse that isn't a centaur, he is half mermaid and half seahorse (beautiful but not the smartest guy in the woods) and his brother, a goldfish. He is also helped by Feelon Muskrat. And the cow is trying to figure out if Geoff Geezos is more than just a very fake smile and owner of Hamazon, the largest knick-knack purveyor in the world.
I certainly didn't expect a story about a cow on a quest to be this epic in scale or this fun to read. Definitely not for the faint of heart, there are enough f-bombs to lay waste to a large city and the innuendo and overt sexuality in the story will make many people blush.
Along the way, the cow comes into contact with a wizard that has magic issues; a pint-sized assassin that is tough beyond her cute exterior; a half man-half horse that isn't a centaur, he is half mermaid and half seahorse (beautiful but not the smartest guy in the woods) and his brother, a goldfish. He is also helped by Feelon Muskrat. And the cow is trying to figure out if Geoff Geezos is more than just a very fake smile and owner of Hamazon, the largest knick-knack purveyor in the world.
I certainly didn't expect a story about a cow on a quest to be this epic in scale or this fun to read. Definitely not for the faint of heart, there are enough f-bombs to lay waste to a large city and the innuendo and overt sexuality in the story will make many people blush.
March 25, 2026
5/10. The plot is about what you would expect from a satire, though there is a huge variety in comedy. It's absurd, raunchy, and even has several 4th wall breaks. However, some of the jokes (especially the adult ones) were a little bit much or went on a bit too long.
November 6, 2024
Very funny, satiric and light reading. I didn’t expect much and with that thought I was reading it. I enjoyed every minute of it!
Did Not Finish
March 7, 2026F bombs & talking about 3-way gay sex - and it’s only chapter 4. No thanks.
March 28, 2026
Wild!
Okay so this was a wild ride! The twist??? Never saw it coming honestly. And chapter 37? Life changing. This was an awesome read.
Okay so this was a wild ride! The twist??? Never saw it coming honestly. And chapter 37? Life changing. This was an awesome read.
April 4, 2026
Chaotic in the Best Way
There are no words to summarize this. I was chuckling on page 2 and breathlessly cackling by page 17. There really are no words.
There are no words to summarize this. I was chuckling on page 2 and breathlessly cackling by page 17. There really are no words.
Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews