Toast Me Gently

by P.P. Stroker

Kjia
I can't live without my toaster. He is quite literally the most important thing in my life.
I'm not going to lie and say my life is perfect, but with Tobias in my life, I feel like I can do anything.
Well, maybe not love.
I guess that's one thing I'll never have.

Tobias
I've loved my beautiful Kjia for what seems like forever... but I have no way of telling her.
I'm a gods damned toaster, for crying out loud...
But maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to profess my love for her.
At least... that's what I tell myself before I put my toaster self to sleep every night.

Genres: Romance

48 pages, Kindle Edition

First published April 28, 2024

Reviews

[Josie · Rating 1 out of 5]

I read this for research and for research only

[Krystal · Rating 2 out of 5]

Bruh.

I finally read my first unhinged romance.

Plot: a woman loves her toaster and so she LOVES her toaster. Physically.

Honestly, just impressed she could make it work.

Tears of laughter from start to finish. I may re-borrow the e-book (free on KU, if you're feeling curious) just to drop some of the quotes regarding No-No Zones and fondling of Nip Nups.

Had to skip the bits about her actual life though - come on, we all know that's not what we're here for.

He spurts jam when he 'crumbs', in case you were curious. XD

THIS WILL NOT BE MY LAST, I SWEAR IT.

[CrowAndKraken · Rating 1 out of 5]

Had to read this as part of the "ungodly smut club" I have with my work besties. I made the mistake to think this was meant to be a serious book 😂

The weirdest thing about this book was the toaster getting a hard on because of armpits. It definitely tops the fact that fucking toaster cums jam.

What a ride, ladies, what a ride

[Tony · Rating 1 out of 5]

I made it to 60%. Where’s my medal?

This was obviously written by a toaster. An adolescent toaster.

A faulty adolescent toaster. Cut price. Parts only.

[Rowan of Waterdeep · Rating 5 out of 5]

I won't be able to look at any kitchen appliance without remembering this book from now on. 10/10 experience.

[Rose-Bud · Rating 4 out of 5]

Butter me up and call me toasted, this is WILD

PLOT?? Never thought I’d find her here, but nevertheless, she existed. And she also TWISTED.

An unhinged age-gap romance slathered in buttery tension, dripping with forbidden jam, and guaranteed to leave you crumbing.

He was a burnt-out, steel hardened soul with a crusty past. She was the sweet, sticky temptation that spread herself too thin. Together? A messy, toasted disaster.

This book will have you cackling, gagging, and reaching for eyewash. But go on… give it a whirl. You know you want to.

(Bri made me read it, no regretti spaghetti)

[Ashley Sonera · Rating 1 out of 5]

Book club made me do it.

[haferhanni · Rating 3 out of 5]

There was a time before "Toast Me Gently" and there is a time after having read it. Thankfully, I live in the same age as this book (thank you Sarah for encouraging me to read it). What do you even wish for if not a toaster-like lover?
(To my friends who may read this review- note that this is satire and nothing more)

[Bri · Rating 5 out of 5]

Updated rating. Made the vixens read it. Was absolutely hilarious to watch their updates roll in. Best thing ever.


Honestly.. Good for the laughs. Absolutely unhinged.

[Taylor · Rating 2 out of 5]

If you see this, no you didn’t. And if you swear you did, I blame Bri. But honestly this was hilarious

[Christian West · Rating 2 out of 5]

Woman falls in love with her toaster. Toaster falls in love with her...even though he's a toaster. But the toaster hides a secret...
This feels like it was written by a 15 year old boy, very direct in the writing style. It's an easy read, and not as terrible as I was expecting, but not something I'd read again.
Also, who the hell falls in love with a toaster???

[Kimberly Bass]

I’m waiting for my next read to come in the mail so I wanted something short and funny. This was definitely both. There’s toasters and murder and transformation. I probably won’t read another book by this author but I read this one! So that’s something.

[Kirsty Simpson · Rating 1 out of 5]

Save your kindle

I have no words about this book other than why it was 48 pages of fucking crazy and now I will never look at a toaster the same again or a toaster bread I'm fully traumatised but yeah if this is your jam then go for it

[Sam Mitchener · Rating 4 out of 5]

Feeling Toasty 😏

[Tilly · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have so many questions 😭 why is a toaster TALKING? Why is she caressing a toaster and how did everything just change so quick. I now can't unsee him as a toaster i don't care 🫣

[Austin Jones · Rating 1 out of 5]

June unhinged book club pick.
Again idk how to rate these? Maybe I need a laugh rating. Either way the acknowledgements actually made me laugh 😆

[Maddy ✨ · Rating 4 out of 5]

Do I wish I hadn’t had read this? Definitely.

Did it make me laugh with complete abandon? Absolutely it did, and for sheer hilarity alone 4 stars 😂

[Libbie · Rating 2 out of 5]

Honestly probably one of the more unhinged romances I've read and that's saying a lot.

Why do we have to make them cum weird things that just makes it so much worse 😂.

Congratulations to the author for adding all of the 'ick' smutty words into here including ones I haven't seen before like "vaginal vortex".

[Brianna Moore · Rating 5 out of 5]

“I’m gonna crumb”… I think I shouldn’t have free will anymore.

[Tanja · Rating 2 out of 5]

Look. Did it make any sense? Not really. Were the sex scenes some of the most hideous things I've ever read? Quite possibly so.

But I can't say I wasn't also very entertained, in a sometimes delightfully weird way.

Kjia has an emotional support toaster. The twist, if that set-up alone even needs one: The toaster – Tobias –used to be human and has a lot of feelings for her. When she's attacked by a guy in her apartment, Tobias somehow manages to interfere – and then things really escalate.

Very important to note: The chapters alternate between POV Kjia and toaster, so yes, this is even more weird than you'd expect.

[Jen · Rating 1 out of 5]

honestly the most unhinged thing I've ever read which to be fair, I wasn't expecting much. all of my complaints are perhaps silly given the plot of this story but ok how come this guy is from the 1930s but talks like someone from the 1630s? why has he been in love with the MC since she was 13 years old?! Did he have romantic feelings for his previous owners? also the absolutely ridiculous descriptions for body parts was the least sexy thing I've ever read. Was this written by AI or a 13 year old boy?

again, I knew this was going to be terrible and read it strictly for the giggles. and it delivered, I guess?

[ᗰIᑕᕼEᒪᒪE ࣪ ִֶָ☾. · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read it with a Friend on her Birthday Hangout.

The Female MC named Kija loves Toast and her Toaster, she named him Tobias - And that very much. Emotionally and Physically.
In under 50 Pages everything happens fast and you read both sides, Kijas and of course the side of Toby Toaster too.
Its getting crazy with the Story, their Affection for one-another and "Bed-sport".

You are into someone loving her Toaster in ways, others would never imagine loving their toaster?
-> Read it
You want to have a good laugh with friends or for yourself?
-> Read it!

[Juli Rae · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wtf did I just read-- a comedic masterpiece

I'm reading this at the recommendation of one of my book club friends. She said it was 48 pages so I said... "I can read that during book club! Bet!" And when I tell you that was the most incredible rollercoaster of fuckery I've ever read.... I spent the entirety of our hour of silent reading stifling my laughter and shooting that friend "wtf" glances across the room. The puns are off the charts, the goofy cringey sex talk is top tier. It's so bad that it's a masterpiece. I will be the weirdo who tells EVERYONE to read this. 10/10

[✨ kait ✨ · Rating 3 out of 5]

Oh my god…. I’ve always loved fresh warm bread, but never cared much for the toaster. Each page had me saying wth out loud with some of the adjectives used.

Overall though, if you love yeast (hopefully not the infection kind) and need a quick read that will make you laugh then this will be your jam.

(Ps. Don’t put electrical devices near water - or do, who am I to judge your desires)

[Holly · Rating 4 out of 5]

A woman inherits a family toaster, literally becomes sexually attracted to Toasty, some inanimate object sexual activity takes place, and I won't spoil the rest for you. Trust me, it's worth the read!

This was so enjoyable, unhinged, but enjoyable! If you want a subtle and gentle entry to the world of weird af smut, definitely check out our sexy toaster, Toasty!

[Amy Moo · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wanted my 200th book to be hilarious and I feel I definitely picked a goodun 😂 especially as the author is P.P. Stroker 🤣
This is up there with 'Unhinged' for me. Who knew a woman could fall in love with her toaster. As a woman who loves toast... I don't think I'll ever look at my toaster the same way again 🫣😂

[Brittany · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 out of 5*s

Okaaaaaay, this book was actually so good, I ate it up! It was funny, unhinged, wild & really dark for what it was?? I loved it & laughed out loud the whole time. I did so much toaster research to figure out what Tobias should have looked like. I can't wait to see what else this author has out in the world!

[Billie Aura · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was the most bizarre book I’ve ever read and I want more bizarre stories like this!! This made me laugh and my jaw was on the floor most of the time, I just. WOW. This is such a quick read that I think it’s worth risking it 🤪 gonna go make a peanut butter and jam sandwich now 💁🏻‍♀️

[Logs · Rating 1 out of 5]

I’ve lost all my self respect and I want to go home. Also, please don’t masturbate with your toaster, I can’t imagine that would be good for you in any way, shape or form. In fact, it’s strikes me as dangerous. But what do I know, I’ve never done it.

[Chiniqua Davis · Rating 4 out of 5]

I know it’s a super short story but something about it was just … missing still enjoyed the weirdness though