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A Place Not Found
Levi Anderson understands that he will never have a ‘normal’ life. Bipolar Disorder rules every facet of his life with a cruel iron fist, and he plans to simply endure his existence until he no longer can. But when Hayden Ashford, the man with the dead brown eyes, comes to the gallery where Levi works, demanding to be sold a painting Levi completed while in a severely manic state, Levi can’t get past how similar they seem.
Hayden is barely making it from one day to the next after the death of his fiancé two years earlier. His guilt and his grief are all that’s keeping him alive. Until he meets Levi, an artist who has painted Hayden’s inconsolable anguish onto a canvas, and Hayden begins to feel life stirring in his bones once more.
They don’t stand a chance. Their suffering is too deep. But maybe theirs could be the greatest love of all if, somehow, they can find each other in the destructive chaos caused by their individual pain.
A Place Not Found is the painful journey of two people struggling to cope with the devastation and wreckage caused by mental illness and the loss of a loved one. It is also a story filled with hope and resilience, and the refusal to give up on the chance to love.
The full list of trigger warnings are available in the Look Inside feature.
Hayden is barely making it from one day to the next after the death of his fiancé two years earlier. His guilt and his grief are all that’s keeping him alive. Until he meets Levi, an artist who has painted Hayden’s inconsolable anguish onto a canvas, and Hayden begins to feel life stirring in his bones once more.
They don’t stand a chance. Their suffering is too deep. But maybe theirs could be the greatest love of all if, somehow, they can find each other in the destructive chaos caused by their individual pain.
A Place Not Found is the painful journey of two people struggling to cope with the devastation and wreckage caused by mental illness and the loss of a loved one. It is also a story filled with hope and resilience, and the refusal to give up on the chance to love.
The full list of trigger warnings are available in the Look Inside feature.
427 pages, Kindle Edition
First published April 25, 2024
98 people are currently reading
793 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 89 reviews
December 28, 2024
Since signing up for Goodreads ~5 years ago, I’ve read over 2k books. TWO THOUSAND. Never have I ever left a 1 star review. So, getting this review over with so I can never think about this book again - I'm not going to rant & rave, because I like Jen's previous books. However this one... Yikes. If it was just a matter of personal opinion I wouldn't even bother, but this was genuinely harmful
Let's start off with me being explicitly clear here - my dislike of this book is not related to the BP rep specifically, as every single person experiences things differently. Im not here to police rep. But I am here to call out some absolute BS.
The MMC Levi, our BP character - had nothing else. That is ALL he was. To himself and to others. Even his career as an artist, was intrinsically linked to his episodes. His entire identity was wrapped up in this and we call that monolithic writing. Or maybe we don’t but I do.. whatever. Either way, that was difficult to get past. You can be bipolar and have interests and like… general character traits outside that, ya know? BP doesn’t mean not human?
Also, BP is hard, ya. It sucks. However every single time this book told me Levi was *suffering through life / suffering with BP*, which was V often, I died a little inside. Haven't we learned by now in 2024 that that kind of tone when talking about a disability is nothing but ableism? But I digress…
That wasn't my only or largest issue, bc every single character in this book was atrocious. The parents. The love interest. EVERYONE. But for purposes of not ranting I will just focus on one character. Hayden. The love interest. The other MMC, the widower - FUCK HIM.
I'm supposed to be endeared to this man? This man, whose husband lost his battle with BP, & because Levi is bipolar, the widower latches onto him. Becomes interested in him. Projects all his grief onto Levi. But of course, he doesn't want anyone to think he's only interested bc he's trying to save Levi like he couldn't his late husband (although that is exactly what he's doing). It's giving ‘I CAN FIX HIM’ & I've never hated anything more.
For example, in one scene, Levi is stimming, he's clicking his pen. The widower stands up, takes the pen, and gives him a pencil instead. Because he was annoyed by the stimming? I repeat… I'm supposed to be endeared to this man?! ABSOLUTELY NOT. The second someone points out our stim, NEVER MIND TRIES TO CORRECT IT, they're no longer a safe person. Period.
Levi's internal dialogue in response is this. Bc it was a dickhead move.
What a frigin asshole, man.
Not only that, but within 5 minutes of meeting Levi, this man knows he's bipolar.
Because he can just tell.
Because BP isn't a significantly layered disorder, with innumerable ways to present mania, depressive, or mixed states. NOPE.
Because Levi started speaking quickly, seemed a bit hyped… OBVIOUSLY THIS MEANS HE'S BIPOLAR~!!!!
I'm getting angrier as I type so I hope that made sense and the sarcasm was abundantly clear.
You recognized the signs bc you met him like, once? Twice? Had A SINGLE direct conversation? STFU. I beg. As a bipolar person, I CAN BARELY DIFFERENTIATE BETWEEN A MOOD SWING OR A QUICK LITTLE DYSREGULATION, FOR A GOOD AMOUNT OF TIME!!! Neurodivergence is an umbrella bc there is continuous overlap between diagnosis’. That’s why they’re hard to diagnose and take a trained - if not several trained - medical professionals. It takes evaluations and tons of bullshit to even get that diagnosis. But you're telling me this man, because his late husband was BP, just *knows* this STRANGER is as well. Bc SIGNS. Hayden is clearly gods gift to BP people (or so he would like to think).
Cutting this off abruptly bc again I'm not here to write a dissertation, although I certainly could. But also I am just very done and never want to think about them again.
So, as stated, there is no one way to exist as a bipolar person. What one person experiences will not be the same as another - and that doesn't make it any less valid - so none of what I’ve said is a reflection on the presentation of BP, but the conversations and overall tone surrounding it. I URGE any person who’s bipolar, (and perhaps under the Neurodivergent umbrella ENTIRELY) to proceed into this book with caution. In my opinion it was written for a neurotypical person’s consumption. I wouldn't mind being wrong though, and I hope that any BP person reading this book has a better experience than I did. REALLY TRULY.
It is evident no independent research went into writing this book, not even the bare minimum of what you’d expect when writing subject matter outside one’s own lived experience. To my very core I hate it.
Ok never see you again bye
PS
BPD stands for Borderline Personality Disorder - not bipolar [BP] - literally would take a 5 second google search to see that
When I tell you ZERO research went into this book......
Let's start off with me being explicitly clear here - my dislike of this book is not related to the BP rep specifically, as every single person experiences things differently. Im not here to police rep. But I am here to call out some absolute BS.
The MMC Levi, our BP character - had nothing else. That is ALL he was. To himself and to others. Even his career as an artist, was intrinsically linked to his episodes. His entire identity was wrapped up in this and we call that monolithic writing. Or maybe we don’t but I do.. whatever. Either way, that was difficult to get past. You can be bipolar and have interests and like… general character traits outside that, ya know? BP doesn’t mean not human?
Also, BP is hard, ya. It sucks. However every single time this book told me Levi was *suffering through life / suffering with BP*, which was V often, I died a little inside. Haven't we learned by now in 2024 that that kind of tone when talking about a disability is nothing but ableism? But I digress…
That wasn't my only or largest issue, bc every single character in this book was atrocious. The parents. The love interest. EVERYONE. But for purposes of not ranting I will just focus on one character. Hayden. The love interest. The other MMC, the widower - FUCK HIM.
I'm supposed to be endeared to this man? This man, whose husband lost his battle with BP, & because Levi is bipolar, the widower latches onto him. Becomes interested in him. Projects all his grief onto Levi. But of course, he doesn't want anyone to think he's only interested bc he's trying to save Levi like he couldn't his late husband (although that is exactly what he's doing). It's giving ‘I CAN FIX HIM’ & I've never hated anything more.
For example, in one scene, Levi is stimming, he's clicking his pen. The widower stands up, takes the pen, and gives him a pencil instead. Because he was annoyed by the stimming? I repeat… I'm supposed to be endeared to this man?! ABSOLUTELY NOT. The second someone points out our stim, NEVER MIND TRIES TO CORRECT IT, they're no longer a safe person. Period.
Levi's internal dialogue in response is this. Bc it was a dickhead move.
My eyes drop to my pen lying next to his hand, almost touching his pinky. I feel lost without it. I don’t like the smoothness of the pencil he’s given me to use. The texture makes the tips of my fingers tingle. My pen has ridges along the middle. The absence of the ridges along the side of this pencil is discomforting.
What a frigin asshole, man.
Not only that, but within 5 minutes of meeting Levi, this man knows he's bipolar.
Because he can just tell.
Because BP isn't a significantly layered disorder, with innumerable ways to present mania, depressive, or mixed states. NOPE.
Because Levi started speaking quickly, seemed a bit hyped… OBVIOUSLY THIS MEANS HE'S BIPOLAR~!!!!
I'm getting angrier as I type so I hope that made sense and the sarcasm was abundantly clear.
“He has Bipolar Disorder,” I provide, instead of a proper answer. Still, it feels like a weight has lifted off my shoulders, saying it out loud.
“Did he tell you that?”
“Yes. But I’d already figured it out by then.”
“You recognized the signs.”
“Yes.”
You recognized the signs bc you met him like, once? Twice? Had A SINGLE direct conversation? STFU. I beg. As a bipolar person, I CAN BARELY DIFFERENTIATE BETWEEN A MOOD SWING OR A QUICK LITTLE DYSREGULATION, FOR A GOOD AMOUNT OF TIME!!! Neurodivergence is an umbrella bc there is continuous overlap between diagnosis’. That’s why they’re hard to diagnose and take a trained - if not several trained - medical professionals. It takes evaluations and tons of bullshit to even get that diagnosis. But you're telling me this man, because his late husband was BP, just *knows* this STRANGER is as well. Bc SIGNS. Hayden is clearly gods gift to BP people (or so he would like to think).
Cutting this off abruptly bc again I'm not here to write a dissertation, although I certainly could. But also I am just very done and never want to think about them again.
So, as stated, there is no one way to exist as a bipolar person. What one person experiences will not be the same as another - and that doesn't make it any less valid - so none of what I’ve said is a reflection on the presentation of BP, but the conversations and overall tone surrounding it. I URGE any person who’s bipolar, (and perhaps under the Neurodivergent umbrella ENTIRELY) to proceed into this book with caution. In my opinion it was written for a neurotypical person’s consumption. I wouldn't mind being wrong though, and I hope that any BP person reading this book has a better experience than I did. REALLY TRULY.
It is evident no independent research went into writing this book, not even the bare minimum of what you’d expect when writing subject matter outside one’s own lived experience. To my very core I hate it.
Ok never see you again bye
PS
BPD stands for Borderline Personality Disorder - not bipolar [BP] - literally would take a 5 second google search to see that
When I tell you ZERO research went into this book......
October 22, 2024
I just to start by saying this is going to be a very hard read for those who are unable to read this kind of content. So, please listen to these warnings ⚠️ 🙏
On page grief
Mental disorder
Cruelty
Suicide
Self-deprecation
Potentially discomforting sexual situations
"Hayden, self-love is the toughest love to love to give and receive, but it can be done. Everything starts from within. Love makes us vulnerable, but we are more inclined to take those risks when we know that somehow, we would survive it if it ended in tragedy. And the same is true for Levi. Living with Bipolar Disorder can be less frightening when the person consistently practices self-love.
This is an extremely hard and very emotional read. It's between two men.. one who lost the love of his life and the other who constantly thinks his life is not worthy.
When their two worlds collide. Are they going to be able to handle what comes with the highs and lows of Levi being Bipolar Disorder?
I liked Hayden's character. He showed a lot of love and compassion towards Levi.
Levi was a brave person he loved and cared for others hard.
I bought this book going into it blindly. I am glad I did. It was very well-written and very informative.
I have a family member who is Bipolar and you don't realize the degree of it until it's presented to you..Whether it's through words or text. It's still so hard to take in but this helped a great deal. It did shed some light on some particular things that had me thinking.
Had me listening.
On page grief
Mental disorder
Cruelty
Suicide
Self-deprecation
Potentially discomforting sexual situations
"Hayden, self-love is the toughest love to love to give and receive, but it can be done. Everything starts from within. Love makes us vulnerable, but we are more inclined to take those risks when we know that somehow, we would survive it if it ended in tragedy. And the same is true for Levi. Living with Bipolar Disorder can be less frightening when the person consistently practices self-love.
This is an extremely hard and very emotional read. It's between two men.. one who lost the love of his life and the other who constantly thinks his life is not worthy.
When their two worlds collide. Are they going to be able to handle what comes with the highs and lows of Levi being Bipolar Disorder?
I liked Hayden's character. He showed a lot of love and compassion towards Levi.
Levi was a brave person he loved and cared for others hard.
I bought this book going into it blindly. I am glad I did. It was very well-written and very informative.
I have a family member who is Bipolar and you don't realize the degree of it until it's presented to you..Whether it's through words or text. It's still so hard to take in but this helped a great deal. It did shed some light on some particular things that had me thinking.
Had me listening.
dnf
December 28, 2024DNF @ 25%
May 5, 2024
Devastating but utterly perfect!
The thing about this book that got me is how desperate both men were for a connection but lived in tremendous fear that not only would they not find it, but they were utterly undeserving of it.
These men weren’t thriving. They weren’t even living. They were merely surviving and even that was questionable, especially for Levi.
The fact that Levi was still alive was an act of sheer will. His bipolar disorder had stripped him of joy, peace, and any contentment. He had been suffering for so long with minimal support of his family. His family loved him but wanted him to basically get over it. Thank goodness he did have a few people fighting for him but he really just wanted the quiet to finally come - the quiet and peace that came with death. He broke my heart. He just could not find his way out of this dark tunnel. He had been in a severe loop between mania and paralyzing lows. He had his art but even that was failing him.
It was clear that Hayden was depressed. He was lost in his grief following the death of his fiancé. He certainly wasn’t looking for anyone and had even decided that love was no longer meant for him. He harbored immense guilt over the death of his partner. His meeting with Levi was just happenstance but it left a mark on both of them. Hayden connected with Levi’s art but there was something about each man that almost called to the other.
This book gutted me from start to finish. You could periodically see glimmers of hope for each man but their mental struggles were huge hurdles. It was so apparent that Hayden had so much love to give and Levi was so deserving of receiving that love. There isn’t a single time where it was easy for them. They not only had to fight for each other but they had to fight for themselves.
The thing about this book that got me is how desperate both men were for a connection but lived in tremendous fear that not only would they not find it, but they were utterly undeserving of it.
These men weren’t thriving. They weren’t even living. They were merely surviving and even that was questionable, especially for Levi.
The fact that Levi was still alive was an act of sheer will. His bipolar disorder had stripped him of joy, peace, and any contentment. He had been suffering for so long with minimal support of his family. His family loved him but wanted him to basically get over it. Thank goodness he did have a few people fighting for him but he really just wanted the quiet to finally come - the quiet and peace that came with death. He broke my heart. He just could not find his way out of this dark tunnel. He had been in a severe loop between mania and paralyzing lows. He had his art but even that was failing him.
It was clear that Hayden was depressed. He was lost in his grief following the death of his fiancé. He certainly wasn’t looking for anyone and had even decided that love was no longer meant for him. He harbored immense guilt over the death of his partner. His meeting with Levi was just happenstance but it left a mark on both of them. Hayden connected with Levi’s art but there was something about each man that almost called to the other.
This book gutted me from start to finish. You could periodically see glimmers of hope for each man but their mental struggles were huge hurdles. It was so apparent that Hayden had so much love to give and Levi was so deserving of receiving that love. There isn’t a single time where it was easy for them. They not only had to fight for each other but they had to fight for themselves.
December 18, 2024
So heartbreaking but beautiful at the same time.
December 31, 2024
“We’re making it through,” I tell him. “Every day, we’re making it through.”
He nods vigorously. “We’re making it through.”
all three stars are for Levi and his found family. i couldn't with Hayden or Levi's bio-family.
April 29, 2024
This was perfection!
Jen absolutely destroyed me with this book.
It is sad and heartbreaking and beautifully told!!!
The depth this books goes into about Levi who lives with bipolar disorder is just gut wrenching. But perfect!
He meets Hayden who’s tragically lost the love of his life and has since been searching for something unknown.
Together they nearly destroy each other.
The attraction between is all-consuming, the lovemaking desperate, hard and punishing. Their connection endless.
Jen managed to imagine these two beautiful characters, flawed and scared. Levi with all his little sorry’s, promises to try and feeling like a burden - he is just so beautiful. And Hayden, so patient, so understanding - such a good man ❤️
I can’t even count the number of highlights or the times I teared up. It was EMOTIONAL!!!! 🥹
This is a tough one to read but it’s so worth it.
I know I’ll be thinking about this book for a long time to come.
Jen told this story so beautifully and I’m her biggest fan.
I had to text her when I was done because I was in tears, sad it was over. Just phenomenal!
Thank you for letting me ARC read this beautiful book - THAT MADE ME CRY! 😭
.
OUT NOW! Grab it now!
Jen absolutely destroyed me with this book.
It is sad and heartbreaking and beautifully told!!!
The depth this books goes into about Levi who lives with bipolar disorder is just gut wrenching. But perfect!
He meets Hayden who’s tragically lost the love of his life and has since been searching for something unknown.
Together they nearly destroy each other.
The attraction between is all-consuming, the lovemaking desperate, hard and punishing. Their connection endless.
Jen managed to imagine these two beautiful characters, flawed and scared. Levi with all his little sorry’s, promises to try and feeling like a burden - he is just so beautiful. And Hayden, so patient, so understanding - such a good man ❤️
I can’t even count the number of highlights or the times I teared up. It was EMOTIONAL!!!! 🥹
This is a tough one to read but it’s so worth it.
I know I’ll be thinking about this book for a long time to come.
Jen told this story so beautifully and I’m her biggest fan.
I had to text her when I was done because I was in tears, sad it was over. Just phenomenal!
Thank you for letting me ARC read this beautiful book - THAT MADE ME CRY! 😭
.
OUT NOW! Grab it now!
August 2, 2024
I wish I could write a review for this book but after starting and deleting paragraphs a few times, it's obvious I can't put my thoughts to words, so I will leave it without one. 'We're (all) just making it through'.
November 3, 2024
"I’m low, but I know this much. When I’m with you the longing for stillness stops. You’re my quiet. You’re my light when the darkness becomes unbearable, but I’m a lot, Hayden. I’m a commitment most people should run from. There aren’t a lot of people in this world who would tolerate someone like me. I never, not once in my life, ever expected to make a life with someone. I accepted a long time ago that relationships aren’t for me. So, I have to ask you to at least think about this first to make sure it’s what you really want.”
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Shattered me...fucking broke me. From authors notes it self i knew this would destroy me but...
The writing is poetic and informative. I learned so many important things about bipolar disorder.
Characters are funny and lovable eben when they're saying shitty things.
Please read this when you're mentally sane bc this book has power to COMPLETELY DESTROY YOU
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Shattered me...fucking broke me. From authors notes it self i knew this would destroy me but...
The writing is poetic and informative. I learned so many important things about bipolar disorder.
Characters are funny and lovable eben when they're saying shitty things.
Please read this when you're mentally sane bc this book has power to COMPLETELY DESTROY YOU
January 29, 2025
4.5🌟
I’m completely obsessed with this book especially Hayden and Levi! I can’t even put into words how it made me feel. I loved how Hayden chose himself while still giving his all to Levi, and how Levi was always willing to put in the effort for their relationship. Their chemistry was off the charts, and that slow burn? It really burned. I also loved how deeply obsessed they were with each other and how Hayden finally stopped comparing Levi to Nicky. They deserved all the love, and I’m so glad they found their way to each other. 💖🔥
I’m completely obsessed with this book especially Hayden and Levi! I can’t even put into words how it made me feel. I loved how Hayden chose himself while still giving his all to Levi, and how Levi was always willing to put in the effort for their relationship. Their chemistry was off the charts, and that slow burn? It really burned. I also loved how deeply obsessed they were with each other and how Hayden finally stopped comparing Levi to Nicky. They deserved all the love, and I’m so glad they found their way to each other. 💖🔥
May 20, 2024
as someone who is not familiar with BPD,this book was very helpful in taking me through what it means and how it can affect you,I really liked the way the author managed to write Levi’s headspace on his lows and
highs.
i also really liked hayden’s journey and especially the way realizes his feelings are important too.
i really liked the relationship,even though I would have liked some little breather time as it was really intense the whole time,but I also understand and appreciate why it needed to be at that intense level.
i really liked it :)
highs.
i also really liked hayden’s journey and especially the way realizes his feelings are important too.
i really liked the relationship,even though I would have liked some little breather time as it was really intense the whole time,but I also understand and appreciate why it needed to be at that intense level.
i really liked it :)
Read
August 25, 2024I think I liked this a lot but I’m waiting to see what I want to rate it.. giving 4.5 stars. I just love the angst romance vibes ahhhh
January 26, 2025
||4.5||
The way this book literally reached into my chest, violently squeezed my heart and then politely let it go?? I have a fucking headache from crying. Thank you very much.
RTC.
The way this book literally reached into my chest, violently squeezed my heart and then politely let it go?? I have a fucking headache from crying. Thank you very much.
RTC.
August 27, 2024
I thoroughly didn’t like how bipolar disorder was portrayed in this book. The way the mc’s (Levi’s) bipolar treatment and symptoms played out just did not seem plausible to me in a lot of ways.
Most importantly, neither character had any identity outside of their “issues”. Levi has literally no personality traits other than being bipolar (including like six bipolar tattoos).
For me, this book went way over the edge of romanticizing mental illness. I’m not even convinced these characters know anything about each other other than talking about how Levi is bipolar.
Also, just a side note, BPD stands for Borderline Personality Disorder. Not Bipolar Disorder. I think the incorrect acronym really set the tone for the book for me, unfortunately.
Most importantly, neither character had any identity outside of their “issues”. Levi has literally no personality traits other than being bipolar (including like six bipolar tattoos).
For me, this book went way over the edge of romanticizing mental illness. I’m not even convinced these characters know anything about each other other than talking about how Levi is bipolar.
Also, just a side note, BPD stands for Borderline Personality Disorder. Not Bipolar Disorder. I think the incorrect acronym really set the tone for the book for me, unfortunately.
June 8, 2024
Such a beautiful book about how someone with bipolar disorder deserves acceptance, support and understanding. All the feels! I love Levi and Hayden! This is what unconditional love is. Through baggages and all.
August 10, 2024
This is the second book i’ve read of this author. I like her writing. However, i’ve noticed that she tends to too much of a person’s name in the dialogues. It’s too much. The dialogue starts sounding too fake the .
January 1, 2025
3.25 stars?? I am still quite conflicted on how to rate this, because I LOVED all of these quotes I have below, and I really liked the two MCs SEPARATELY... However, I did not like them much as a couple... or maybe I just wasn't fond of how Hayden was with Levi during their steamy scenes 🤔🤷🏻♀️. Also, definitely check TWs for this!!
Anyway, my favorite quotes are below, and before you start saying how this is a ton of them, this is the dialed down version of all the quotes I had saved🤯, and I also edited some of them well since I couldn't very well include multiple paragraphs.... Well, more than I did anyway 😅.
My Favorite Quotes:
****MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW****
☆My thoughts about disappearing–about ☠️–are the most comforting part of my low days. Thinking about ☠️ isn’t always a bad thing, you know. Sometimes, it’s the only thing that gives you any kind of peace. Thoughts about ☠️ can help you live another day.
☆Jesus Christ. Can my Bipolar Disorder’s best friend, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder please pipe the fuck down? 🤣😅🤣
☆But these predictable morning patterns are required if I am to avoid spiraling even further in my depressive episode. The repetition is comforting. The predictability is safe. Doing the same things in the same order every day is important to my sanity.
☆The last thing Nicholas ever uttered in this world, while he fought so hard to undo what he’d done, the last word on his last breath was Hayden. Me. His person.💔😭😭
☆He made a mistake. He didn’t want to ☠️. He just wanted the noise inside his head to stop. For his skin to stop moving. He tried to fix everything, but he broke everything instead.😭
☆Now, I stare into his enlarged pupils on the screen. Now, I can see so clearly that his mania had already breached the surface. He was already drowning. His eyes, already screaming for help. (...) He would live another four hours and fourteen minutes. I should’ve never allowed us to let our guard down. (...) So many fucking should-haves.
(…)
I have everything. But not you. I don’t have you anymore. You left me. But you tried so hard, my love. The noise was too much. The knives only you could see and feel pierced through your skin too harshly that day. You thought the meds would quiet the noise and stop the pain. You fought until there was nothing left in you. It’s okay, my love. What we have–had–have–is eternal.💔😭😭
☆ You’re making it through, he told me at the apartment. Not you made it, or you will make it. He spoke as if I’d accomplished something. Like, making it through, minute by minute, hour by hour, is an accomplishment. As if the present moment, in all its ugliness and unsafety, is still worth something. That I’m still okay, even at my lowest. 🥹😩
☆I wish it could’ve been different, but life doesn’t work that way. Nicholas was my one true love. It’s enough for me. I’ll never find him again. But I have my memories. They are enough. Nicholas was brave, and he fought the good fight until he no longer could. He held on as long as he could, and more than that, I couldn’t have asked of him.🥺😫
☆ “I won’t last,” I gasp into our kiss. Hayden sucks on my tongue before pulling back to whisper, “Look at me, Levi.” My eyes drift open. Hayden reaches down to fist his c・ck. “Come, sweetheart,” he whispers. His endearment ends me. Forehead to forehead, lips sealed to his and my eyes locked with his, I come. My mania abandons me. The darkness of my depression rises up to swallow me. And I know that this is the beginning of the end.
☆ “But I can’t guarantee that we won’t end in tragedy too.” “It doesn’t matter.” “It does, Hayden. What if we end in tragedy?” “Then it will be our tragedy. And I’ll choose tragedy with you over a life without you.”🥹🥺🥹
☆ “What I did was unforgivable.” “It’s not unforgivable,” he says. “How long before I break you, Hayden?” I ask, angry that he won’t acknowledge the destruction I have caused. “You are the very best thing that has ever happened to me, but I will destroy your life. I already have.” “You haven’t destroyed my life.” And then, “I know how to love you just like this, Levi. I know how to love you just as you are.” “You’ve seen the worst, Hayden. You know how this could end. Two nights ago, I didn’t know if I was manic or low. All I knew was that I was in so deep it was swallowing me whole.” (...)
“What will you do when you can’t pull me out of those terrifying lows?” “I’ll sit with you in the silence,” Hayden says quietly, and his unmoving faith in us breaks me.
☆ “And when I couldn’t face what I’d done, I tried to fucking ☠️ myself.” “But you made it through,” Hayden says with so much sadness in his voice. “You told me to come to you. And I did. Doesn’t that count for something?” I sob. “Yes.” I reach forward and fall into his arms. “I knew you would come. It counts for everything. I’m so in love with you, Hayden,” I say. “I’m low, but I know this much. When I’m with you the longing for stillness stops. You’re my quiet.🥹🥺😫 You’re my light when the darkness becomes unbearable, but I’m a lot, Hayden. I’m a commitment most people should run from. There aren’t a lot of people in this world who would tolerate someone like me. I never, not once in my life, ever expected to make a life with someone. I accepted a long time ago that relationships aren’t for me. So, I have to ask you to at least think about this first to make sure it’s what you really want.”
☆ “I was so afraid you wouldn’t want to see me. I didn’t call or text because I didn't want to risk triggering you.” “(...) I know I’m on ☠️ watch, but I don’t want to ☠️, Hayden. I want to live and be happy. I want to live inside my skin and not want to rip it off. I want the noise to stop, but it feels so hopeless sometimes.” “As long as we both breathe there is hope, Levi. So, breathe. Just breathe. I’ll breathe too. And somehow, we’ll make it through.”
☆“No matter how far away from you this disorder may take me, Hayden, I’ll always try and find my way back to you. No matter how dark it gets, I’ll always look for the light.”🥺
☆“Thank you, Hayden.” “Thank you, Levi. I got lost with you in a place not found and I wouldn’t change that for anything in this world.” I gaze up at him. I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love him. “I’ll love you with the very best parts of me,” I tell him. He kisses my nose. “Please, Levi. Love me with the very worst parts of you too.” 🥹😩
☆“I got two charms to go with it. You don’t have to wear it if you don’t—” I inspect the bracelet, my smile widening. “I do.” He smiles. “One is a hotdog, to remind you of how much it means to me when you sit with me in the silence. And how thankful I am that you shared that part of your life with Nicholas, with me.” He shows me the second charm. “And this is a peace lily. So you’ll be reminded of how grateful I am for the way you care for me and to let you know that I, too, will honor the love you have for Nicholas. He should never be forgotten.”🥹
Anyway, my favorite quotes are below, and before you start saying how this is a ton of them, this is the dialed down version of all the quotes I had saved🤯, and I also edited some of them well since I couldn't very well include multiple paragraphs.... Well, more than I did anyway 😅.
My Favorite Quotes:
****MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW****
☆My thoughts about disappearing–about ☠️–are the most comforting part of my low days. Thinking about ☠️ isn’t always a bad thing, you know. Sometimes, it’s the only thing that gives you any kind of peace. Thoughts about ☠️ can help you live another day.
☆Jesus Christ. Can my Bipolar Disorder’s best friend, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder please pipe the fuck down? 🤣😅🤣
☆But these predictable morning patterns are required if I am to avoid spiraling even further in my depressive episode. The repetition is comforting. The predictability is safe. Doing the same things in the same order every day is important to my sanity.
☆The last thing Nicholas ever uttered in this world, while he fought so hard to undo what he’d done, the last word on his last breath was Hayden. Me. His person.💔😭😭
☆He made a mistake. He didn’t want to ☠️. He just wanted the noise inside his head to stop. For his skin to stop moving. He tried to fix everything, but he broke everything instead.😭
☆Now, I stare into his enlarged pupils on the screen. Now, I can see so clearly that his mania had already breached the surface. He was already drowning. His eyes, already screaming for help. (...) He would live another four hours and fourteen minutes. I should’ve never allowed us to let our guard down. (...) So many fucking should-haves.
(…)
I have everything. But not you. I don’t have you anymore. You left me. But you tried so hard, my love. The noise was too much. The knives only you could see and feel pierced through your skin too harshly that day. You thought the meds would quiet the noise and stop the pain. You fought until there was nothing left in you. It’s okay, my love. What we have–had–have–is eternal.💔😭😭
☆ You’re making it through, he told me at the apartment. Not you made it, or you will make it. He spoke as if I’d accomplished something. Like, making it through, minute by minute, hour by hour, is an accomplishment. As if the present moment, in all its ugliness and unsafety, is still worth something. That I’m still okay, even at my lowest. 🥹😩
☆I wish it could’ve been different, but life doesn’t work that way. Nicholas was my one true love. It’s enough for me. I’ll never find him again. But I have my memories. They are enough. Nicholas was brave, and he fought the good fight until he no longer could. He held on as long as he could, and more than that, I couldn’t have asked of him.🥺😫
☆ “I won’t last,” I gasp into our kiss. Hayden sucks on my tongue before pulling back to whisper, “Look at me, Levi.” My eyes drift open. Hayden reaches down to fist his c・ck. “Come, sweetheart,” he whispers. His endearment ends me. Forehead to forehead, lips sealed to his and my eyes locked with his, I come. My mania abandons me. The darkness of my depression rises up to swallow me. And I know that this is the beginning of the end.
☆ “But I can’t guarantee that we won’t end in tragedy too.” “It doesn’t matter.” “It does, Hayden. What if we end in tragedy?” “Then it will be our tragedy. And I’ll choose tragedy with you over a life without you.”🥹🥺🥹
☆ “What I did was unforgivable.” “It’s not unforgivable,” he says. “How long before I break you, Hayden?” I ask, angry that he won’t acknowledge the destruction I have caused. “You are the very best thing that has ever happened to me, but I will destroy your life. I already have.” “You haven’t destroyed my life.” And then, “I know how to love you just like this, Levi. I know how to love you just as you are.” “You’ve seen the worst, Hayden. You know how this could end. Two nights ago, I didn’t know if I was manic or low. All I knew was that I was in so deep it was swallowing me whole.” (...)
“What will you do when you can’t pull me out of those terrifying lows?” “I’ll sit with you in the silence,” Hayden says quietly, and his unmoving faith in us breaks me.
☆ “And when I couldn’t face what I’d done, I tried to fucking ☠️ myself.” “But you made it through,” Hayden says with so much sadness in his voice. “You told me to come to you. And I did. Doesn’t that count for something?” I sob. “Yes.” I reach forward and fall into his arms. “I knew you would come. It counts for everything. I’m so in love with you, Hayden,” I say. “I’m low, but I know this much. When I’m with you the longing for stillness stops. You’re my quiet.🥹🥺😫 You’re my light when the darkness becomes unbearable, but I’m a lot, Hayden. I’m a commitment most people should run from. There aren’t a lot of people in this world who would tolerate someone like me. I never, not once in my life, ever expected to make a life with someone. I accepted a long time ago that relationships aren’t for me. So, I have to ask you to at least think about this first to make sure it’s what you really want.”
☆ “I was so afraid you wouldn’t want to see me. I didn’t call or text because I didn't want to risk triggering you.” “(...) I know I’m on ☠️ watch, but I don’t want to ☠️, Hayden. I want to live and be happy. I want to live inside my skin and not want to rip it off. I want the noise to stop, but it feels so hopeless sometimes.” “As long as we both breathe there is hope, Levi. So, breathe. Just breathe. I’ll breathe too. And somehow, we’ll make it through.”
☆“No matter how far away from you this disorder may take me, Hayden, I’ll always try and find my way back to you. No matter how dark it gets, I’ll always look for the light.”🥺
☆“Thank you, Hayden.” “Thank you, Levi. I got lost with you in a place not found and I wouldn’t change that for anything in this world.” I gaze up at him. I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love him. “I’ll love you with the very best parts of me,” I tell him. He kisses my nose. “Please, Levi. Love me with the very worst parts of you too.” 🥹😩
☆“I got two charms to go with it. You don’t have to wear it if you don’t—” I inspect the bracelet, my smile widening. “I do.” He smiles. “One is a hotdog, to remind you of how much it means to me when you sit with me in the silence. And how thankful I am that you shared that part of your life with Nicholas, with me.” He shows me the second charm. “And this is a peace lily. So you’ll be reminded of how grateful I am for the way you care for me and to let you know that I, too, will honor the love you have for Nicholas. He should never be forgotten.”🥹
May 3, 2024
The story of Levi & Hadyen, a story about mental health, loss of a loved one and trying to find yourself again, accepting who you are and that you are good enough, learning to love yourself and being able to give love again.
This book is a HURT/comfort, it hurts you feel it throughout your body. It is written in a way as if you are standing next to these beautiful men, you are sharing the pain with them. I wanted to hold them, I wanted to shake them and yes, they also made me laugh terribly. But most of all I want to put them away somewhere so that they are safe and the outside world can never hurt them again.
Levi oh my gosh how I love Levi. A beautiful creative soul who literally trudges through life. He has accepted his fate and will simply live until death comes. He considers himself a burden to everyone in his family and environment, and he doesn't bring anything good. He is definitely not relationship material.
Levi is very honest and clear about his biopalar disorder and his feelings, you climb with him to his mania and you fall into his deep depressions. This is written in such a beautiful way that you really feel it deep inside.
Hayden, everyone deserves a Hayden in their life. But he is stuck in grief, his fiance (Nicholas) has died in a car accident, Hayden takes all the blame and simply cannot live a normal life without his great love. When Hayden ends up at a gallery and sees Levi there, he sees a lot of his deceased loved one in Levi.
Levi is battling his mental health and Hayden is battling grief, the road ahead is very tough. They are both looking for a happy and safe place.
Will they find it?
Now I am a really big fan of Jen's books, they are written with so much feeling and emotion that you really feel. This book is another masterpiece and really beautiful.
If you can handle this, the heavier emotional books, then you should really read this one!
These 2 men deserve the world!
This book is a HURT/comfort, it hurts you feel it throughout your body. It is written in a way as if you are standing next to these beautiful men, you are sharing the pain with them. I wanted to hold them, I wanted to shake them and yes, they also made me laugh terribly. But most of all I want to put them away somewhere so that they are safe and the outside world can never hurt them again.
Levi oh my gosh how I love Levi. A beautiful creative soul who literally trudges through life. He has accepted his fate and will simply live until death comes. He considers himself a burden to everyone in his family and environment, and he doesn't bring anything good. He is definitely not relationship material.
Levi is very honest and clear about his biopalar disorder and his feelings, you climb with him to his mania and you fall into his deep depressions. This is written in such a beautiful way that you really feel it deep inside.
Hayden, everyone deserves a Hayden in their life. But he is stuck in grief, his fiance (Nicholas) has died in a car accident, Hayden takes all the blame and simply cannot live a normal life without his great love. When Hayden ends up at a gallery and sees Levi there, he sees a lot of his deceased loved one in Levi.
Levi is battling his mental health and Hayden is battling grief, the road ahead is very tough. They are both looking for a happy and safe place.
Will they find it?
Now I am a really big fan of Jen's books, they are written with so much feeling and emotion that you really feel. This book is another masterpiece and really beautiful.
If you can handle this, the heavier emotional books, then you should really read this one!
These 2 men deserve the world!
July 19, 2024
usually when i love a book i finish it like 3 days and speed run it, this is one of the books where u cant do that, u have to take ur time and sit with it, and im so happy i took my time to read it bc it was deserving of every second i spent on this book
levi is one of the most magnetic and enchanting characters ever. every burden and sadness he has i felt in my soul, he is one of my favorite ppl in the world and i loved how the author showed to the dichotomy of low levi and manic levi, manic levi made me so upset and frustrated and low levi made me wanna give him a hug, but nothing beats the stable happy levi
hayden didn't vibe with me at first bc it felt like he was trying to fill the void of nicky with levi, and for a good amount of the book i felt that way, only rly towards the end i was able to understand that hayden CAN love them both at once, and it was interesting dynamic that was explored and i love how accepting levi was of it
haydens care for levi was unmatched, i've never seen someone so attuned to their partner, he loves levi perfectly and respectfully without losing the love he has for nicky bc they are different ppl and that's what hayden learned, loving them is different even though they both are bipolar
the mental health in this book was insane, probably some of the best ive ever read, i felt so seen and safe with these characters (even tho im not bipolar)
i will say the romance is secondary in this book, i came for mh rep and got that, but romance? while i got SOME of it, it isn't the greatest love story ever, its just hayden and levi and i love it <3
"i'm making it through." - levi anderson
levi is one of the most magnetic and enchanting characters ever. every burden and sadness he has i felt in my soul, he is one of my favorite ppl in the world and i loved how the author showed to the dichotomy of low levi and manic levi, manic levi made me so upset and frustrated and low levi made me wanna give him a hug, but nothing beats the stable happy levi
hayden didn't vibe with me at first bc it felt like he was trying to fill the void of nicky with levi, and for a good amount of the book i felt that way, only rly towards the end i was able to understand that hayden CAN love them both at once, and it was interesting dynamic that was explored and i love how accepting levi was of it
haydens care for levi was unmatched, i've never seen someone so attuned to their partner, he loves levi perfectly and respectfully without losing the love he has for nicky bc they are different ppl and that's what hayden learned, loving them is different even though they both are bipolar
the mental health in this book was insane, probably some of the best ive ever read, i felt so seen and safe with these characters (even tho im not bipolar)
i will say the romance is secondary in this book, i came for mh rep and got that, but romance? while i got SOME of it, it isn't the greatest love story ever, its just hayden and levi and i love it <3
"i'm making it through." - levi anderson
December 8, 2024
Where most books only dip their toes in to the mental health waters, this dives right in to the deep end. Both characters, Hayden & Levi have lived with Bipolar Disorder. Levi struggles with it every day and Hayden’s lived through it with his fiancé who suffered from it.
These two are brought together by chance and have to decide if it’s worth exploring a relationship together. Levi doesn’t feel he’s capable or worthy of love and Hayden isn’t sure if his feelings are true for Levi or if he’s just trying to save him, since he wasn’t able to save his fiancé.
The first two thirds of this book are phenomenal. As a reader, you feel Levi’s highs and lows and you’re immersed in his thoughts. His snarky inner monologue is one of my favorite parts of the story. Jen Samson writes him perfectly.
The last third seemed to have too much happening and tied up too easily, ending on a bit of a sappy note. My rating slowly dropped from 5-Stars to 3-Stars during this time.
If you are looking for a heavier, emotional book dealing with mental health, this is worth reading. Just know it doesn’t finish up as strong as it starts…but, overall the characters and their stories are good.
These two are brought together by chance and have to decide if it’s worth exploring a relationship together. Levi doesn’t feel he’s capable or worthy of love and Hayden isn’t sure if his feelings are true for Levi or if he’s just trying to save him, since he wasn’t able to save his fiancé.
The first two thirds of this book are phenomenal. As a reader, you feel Levi’s highs and lows and you’re immersed in his thoughts. His snarky inner monologue is one of my favorite parts of the story. Jen Samson writes him perfectly.
The last third seemed to have too much happening and tied up too easily, ending on a bit of a sappy note. My rating slowly dropped from 5-Stars to 3-Stars during this time.
If you are looking for a heavier, emotional book dealing with mental health, this is worth reading. Just know it doesn’t finish up as strong as it starts…but, overall the characters and their stories are good.
May 9, 2024
Honestly there may not be words for this book. First to Jen-
Thank you for tackling the hard. For writing stories and characters that are real and breathtakingly painful so as a reader we can truly feel and empathize, so we can learn and grow and love people better.
With that said....Hayden and Levi are the most beautiful love story I've read in a long time. The ability you gave us to truly see Bipolar Disorder in a way that is both beautiful and tragic. That there can be beauty in the chaos...that this disorder doesn't have to keep you from love even though it's SO hard both for the one with Bipolar and the ones loving them.
Read this book....know your triggers but please read this stunning story of love and heartache and how we can heal even through the pain.
Saying anything more would spoil this story and you need to live the experience that is this book.
Thank you for tackling the hard. For writing stories and characters that are real and breathtakingly painful so as a reader we can truly feel and empathize, so we can learn and grow and love people better.
With that said....Hayden and Levi are the most beautiful love story I've read in a long time. The ability you gave us to truly see Bipolar Disorder in a way that is both beautiful and tragic. That there can be beauty in the chaos...that this disorder doesn't have to keep you from love even though it's SO hard both for the one with Bipolar and the ones loving them.
Read this book....know your triggers but please read this stunning story of love and heartache and how we can heal even through the pain.
Saying anything more would spoil this story and you need to live the experience that is this book.
May 7, 2024
4.5 stars
August 4, 2024
It started strong and I quite enjoyed it.
However by the end I wasn’t as into jt.
It’s also in my opinion a really heavy read
However by the end I wasn’t as into jt.
It’s also in my opinion a really heavy read
July 11, 2024
'Hayden has become my place not found, and I think I’ve become his.'
At its heart, A Place Not Found is a story of making it through, whether it's learning to live with a debilitating mental disorder, or the grief of losing a loved one. The story takes us on a journey with Hayden and Levi as they search for their place not found - their joy, their peace, their true selves, and maybe even each other.
Levi suffers with Bipolar Disorder, and he experiences many episodes throughout the book while he's searching for an effective treatment. Jen did a fantastic job at portraying the slow shift from mania to depression, so much so that I could feel the change happening even before Levi himself could acknowledge it. I love how nuanced this aspect of the story was - encompassing all of the helplessness, shame, embarrassment, elation, and stigma that goes along with the condition.
Through Hayden, we also experience what it's like to love somebody with Bipolar Disorder. Not only is Hayden falling for Levi, but he also had a fiancé who died as a result of manic psychosis. Hayden is simultaneously trying to grieve for Nicholas, whilst supporting Levi in their newfound relationship, and trying not to lose himself again.
I did struggle to buy in to their romance for a good portion of the book, as it felt like Hayden was using Levi as a replacement for Nicholas, given how similar they are. Hayden comments several times that he is drawn to Levi's Bipolar Disorder, and something about that felt really icky to me, however as the story progressed it became clearer that they had a genuine connection independent of Hayden's past.
The main thing that grabbed me with this book though is the writing. It reads like poetry, and Jen has such a way with words (which clearly I don't, as I've been trying to write this review for ages!). Jen is able to create such a vivid picture of emotion with her writing, something that not many authors are able to achieve. This book was a whirlwind to read, not only because of the subject matter, but because of how beautifully it was executed.
Overall, if you want a book that is heavy on the character development and takes a deep dive in to living with mental health disorders and grief, then you will probably love this. It's heartfelt, raw, steamy, and even hopeful amongst all of the chaos.
August 30, 2024
“He’s lost inside his own mind, and i’m getting lost in him”
4.5/5 🌟
5/5 🌶🔥
4.5/5 🌟
5/5 🌶🔥
April 29, 2024
🌙 A Place Not Found by Jen Samson 🌙
When Jen told me that she was writing a book with an MC suffering from Bipolar Disease, my heart was bursting with pride. Because I knew in my heart that she could do it—and that it would touch me. And probably wreck me.
For one, because Jen’s books always do but secondly, because Bipolar Disease has affected me my entire life and to some extent still does.
I love the approach that Jen takes on mental illness in A Place Not Found and it is truly unlike anything I’ve ever read. It is written with such sensitivity and love—no sugar coating but no judgement either.
Jen, your book is so raw and beautiful and ugly and brutal and empathic and authentic and all the stars in the sky and the colors of the rainbow.
But most importantly, your book is a tribute to life, to human resilience and to one more day. It is evidence that mental illness is NOT a death sentence. As much as it shapes our lives, it does not define who we are.
And that there are people outthere—like your beautiful Hayden—who will stand by us, face the ugliness and encourage us to cling to the small glimpses of Happiness—because they are there. They so are!
I love Levi so much. You told me that my protectiveness of him knows no limits. It doesn’t. He is the most beautiful, brave boy and I’d walk through fire for him.
And Hayden. I might not agree with all his actions, but I know better than anyone that you are not handed a playbook just because you love someone with mental illness. Hayden’s chapters are Odes to Human Decency—I called them that, didn’t I? I couldn’t have thought of anyone more worthy of Levi.
Come April 26th please go grab this masterpiece. It is phenomenal and I’m so jealous. And proud. And grateful that there’s someone in the world like the spectacular Jen Samson who is not afraid to write stories that matter and that will make you feel that YOU matter 🌻 💚 ;
When Jen told me that she was writing a book with an MC suffering from Bipolar Disease, my heart was bursting with pride. Because I knew in my heart that she could do it—and that it would touch me. And probably wreck me.
For one, because Jen’s books always do but secondly, because Bipolar Disease has affected me my entire life and to some extent still does.
I love the approach that Jen takes on mental illness in A Place Not Found and it is truly unlike anything I’ve ever read. It is written with such sensitivity and love—no sugar coating but no judgement either.
Jen, your book is so raw and beautiful and ugly and brutal and empathic and authentic and all the stars in the sky and the colors of the rainbow.
But most importantly, your book is a tribute to life, to human resilience and to one more day. It is evidence that mental illness is NOT a death sentence. As much as it shapes our lives, it does not define who we are.
And that there are people outthere—like your beautiful Hayden—who will stand by us, face the ugliness and encourage us to cling to the small glimpses of Happiness—because they are there. They so are!
I love Levi so much. You told me that my protectiveness of him knows no limits. It doesn’t. He is the most beautiful, brave boy and I’d walk through fire for him.
And Hayden. I might not agree with all his actions, but I know better than anyone that you are not handed a playbook just because you love someone with mental illness. Hayden’s chapters are Odes to Human Decency—I called them that, didn’t I? I couldn’t have thought of anyone more worthy of Levi.
Come April 26th please go grab this masterpiece. It is phenomenal and I’m so jealous. And proud. And grateful that there’s someone in the world like the spectacular Jen Samson who is not afraid to write stories that matter and that will make you feel that YOU matter 🌻 💚 ;
November 24, 2025
infinite stars/infinite stars.
this is the hardest, but most beautiful book i have read this year. i dont know if words are enough to describe my experience reading it.
as someone with depression and anxiety, i always fear about how much i burden the people around me. i always think about how they feel whenever i dont feel cheerful enough, or calm enough, so i relate to levi on that aspect. it's hard, mental illness, is really difficult to live with. and i think the book presented it realistically enough.
i really feel for hayden. he's got too much love to give. he's also not okay, mentally and emotionally, and i think he deserved to focus on himself more before he committed to levi, but i think he decided to heal with levi. i love his patience and how understanding he is with levi.
idk if this is just my observation, but, levi's family was not loving and understanding, contrary to what some reviews said here. they chose to stay ignorant and in denial for 26 years of levi's life, than educate themselves and understand his condition. i hated his mother because that's how my mother was when i was having depressive episodes. her words reminded me of how painful it was to keep my mouth shut while she's telling me to get over it. so no, she didnt love levi, no one did. they wanted him to be happy because that's their idea of normal, they dont want him when he's struggling, because it was a chore for them. a bother. i dont agree with the reviews saying levi's family loved him, because they didnt.
so anyway, i love this book so much. it's one of the best books i have read this year.
this is the hardest, but most beautiful book i have read this year. i dont know if words are enough to describe my experience reading it.
as someone with depression and anxiety, i always fear about how much i burden the people around me. i always think about how they feel whenever i dont feel cheerful enough, or calm enough, so i relate to levi on that aspect. it's hard, mental illness, is really difficult to live with. and i think the book presented it realistically enough.
i really feel for hayden. he's got too much love to give. he's also not okay, mentally and emotionally, and i think he deserved to focus on himself more before he committed to levi, but i think he decided to heal with levi. i love his patience and how understanding he is with levi.
idk if this is just my observation, but, levi's family was not loving and understanding, contrary to what some reviews said here. they chose to stay ignorant and in denial for 26 years of levi's life, than educate themselves and understand his condition. i hated his mother because that's how my mother was when i was having depressive episodes. her words reminded me of how painful it was to keep my mouth shut while she's telling me to get over it. so no, she didnt love levi, no one did. they wanted him to be happy because that's their idea of normal, they dont want him when he's struggling, because it was a chore for them. a bother. i dont agree with the reviews saying levi's family loved him, because they didnt.
so anyway, i love this book so much. it's one of the best books i have read this year.
June 20, 2024
“𝙉𝙤 𝙢𝙖𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙛𝙖𝙧 𝙖𝙬𝙖𝙮 𝙛𝙧𝙤𝙢 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙤𝙧𝙙𝙚𝙧 𝙢𝙖𝙮 𝙩𝙖𝙠𝙚 𝙢𝙚, 𝙃𝙖𝙮𝙙𝙚𝙣, 𝙄’𝙡𝙡 𝙖𝙡𝙬𝙖𝙮𝙨 𝙩𝙧𝙮 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙛𝙞𝙣𝙙 𝙢𝙮 𝙬𝙖𝙮 𝙗𝙖𝙘𝙠 𝙩𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪. 𝙉𝙤 𝙢𝙖𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙙𝙖𝙧𝙠 𝙞𝙩 𝙜𝙚𝙩𝙨, 𝙄’𝙡𝙡 𝙖𝙡𝙬𝙖𝙮𝙨 𝙡𝙤𝙤𝙠 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙡𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩.”
This book is beautiful. If you’re looking for a read where two broken men find and heal each other, then this one is for you.
Our first broken boy is Levi. He has Bipolar Disorder, along with a touch of OCD. He has manic episodes, days of ultimate lows, and everything in between. He sees himself as a burden to everyone. And has accepted this life and believes he’ll never know his true self because of his disorder. He’s also an artist, and paints images in a way that calls to those who are lost and have lost, those who struggle to find happiness as they can’t find themselves. Those like Hayden.
Hayden, oh this sweet, broken, beautiful man. Two years ago he lost the love of his life, and since then has just been getting through each day. Until he meets Levi at the local art gallery where a painting of his speaks to his soul. He’s intrigued by Levi and the way his mind works and sees the world. He sees Levi in a way that no one has seen him, and that right there is truly something special.
“𝙔𝙤𝙪’𝙧𝙚 𝙢𝙖𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙞𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙧𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝.”
Both men have their battles individually and with each other. It’s a long journey to happiness and a place not found for Hayden and Levi. This book is an emotional ride, but so worth it in the end. I truly enjoyed this read and struggled putting it down. If you do have triggers, please view before proceeding. For all my emotional readers, check this one out!
This book is beautiful. If you’re looking for a read where two broken men find and heal each other, then this one is for you.
Our first broken boy is Levi. He has Bipolar Disorder, along with a touch of OCD. He has manic episodes, days of ultimate lows, and everything in between. He sees himself as a burden to everyone. And has accepted this life and believes he’ll never know his true self because of his disorder. He’s also an artist, and paints images in a way that calls to those who are lost and have lost, those who struggle to find happiness as they can’t find themselves. Those like Hayden.
Hayden, oh this sweet, broken, beautiful man. Two years ago he lost the love of his life, and since then has just been getting through each day. Until he meets Levi at the local art gallery where a painting of his speaks to his soul. He’s intrigued by Levi and the way his mind works and sees the world. He sees Levi in a way that no one has seen him, and that right there is truly something special.
“𝙔𝙤𝙪’𝙧𝙚 𝙢𝙖𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙞𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙧𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝.”
Both men have their battles individually and with each other. It’s a long journey to happiness and a place not found for Hayden and Levi. This book is an emotional ride, but so worth it in the end. I truly enjoyed this read and struggled putting it down. If you do have triggers, please view before proceeding. For all my emotional readers, check this one out!
December 6, 2024
To start; I HATE Levi’s mom. She’s awful from the beginning to the end and when Hayden called her out at the hospital I was relieved. The whole book we have to have her obnoxious, rude and demeaning voice pushing Levi along and him just accepting it, right to the end. It sucked.
I wanted to like this more than I did. Obviously I knew Bipolar was going to be a huge plot point, but I didn’t realize it would be the whole story. I feel like I don’t actually know anything about either MC beyond the disorder and Hayden’s trauma with Nicholas. There was very little story outside of the bipolar topic.
I liked it enough but it just was a lot of trauma for me. There’s really not much happiness in this story, even when there was some even ground, calm moments I just didn’t feel like it went beyond the bipolar. Does Hayden like Levi really? Does Levi really like Hayden or was he just the first person who understood his plight and he clung to that?
This one might not have been for me after all. I don’t feel like they’re actually happily together or that Hayden has a healthy relationship with Levi and vise versa. There’s a lot of therapy in this book and I don’t feel like it really mattered to the storytelling. The therapist advice was usually pretty good but I don’t know that it translated into the actions of the MCs.
I wanted to like this more than I did. Obviously I knew Bipolar was going to be a huge plot point, but I didn’t realize it would be the whole story. I feel like I don’t actually know anything about either MC beyond the disorder and Hayden’s trauma with Nicholas. There was very little story outside of the bipolar topic.
I liked it enough but it just was a lot of trauma for me. There’s really not much happiness in this story, even when there was some even ground, calm moments I just didn’t feel like it went beyond the bipolar. Does Hayden like Levi really? Does Levi really like Hayden or was he just the first person who understood his plight and he clung to that?
This one might not have been for me after all. I don’t feel like they’re actually happily together or that Hayden has a healthy relationship with Levi and vise versa. There’s a lot of therapy in this book and I don’t feel like it really mattered to the storytelling. The therapist advice was usually pretty good but I don’t know that it translated into the actions of the MCs.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
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