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People Pleaser: Breaking Free from the Burden of Imaginary Expectations
Are you a people pleaser? Can you even begin to measure how the approval of others has shaped your heart and mind? Your faith and relationships? Your habits and identity? In People Pleaser, New York Times bestselling author Jinger Vuolo shares her personal journey of constantly seeking approval from others and how she found her true identity.
From childhood to early adulthood, Jinger Duggar Vuolo followed the expectations of others, never taking the time to discover who she truly was. It wasn't until she asked herself the question, "Who am I?" that she realized she was a people pleaser. This realization led her on a journey of self-discovery and ultimately, to rely on God for her approval and sense of self-worth.
Through her faith and reliance on God, Jinger began to break free from the need for approval and discover true freedom. This book is a guide for anyone struggling with people-pleasing tendencies and seeking to find their true identity and purpose in life. Learn how to:
- discover the beauty of community and how we were made to enjoy others,
- identify sin and how it can hinder your ability to be in community with one another,
- diagnose yourself with ruthless honesty but without judgement, and
- understand who you are in God's eyes.
Jinger hopes this book will inspire others to embark on a similar journey towards freedom.
From childhood to early adulthood, Jinger Duggar Vuolo followed the expectations of others, never taking the time to discover who she truly was. It wasn't until she asked herself the question, "Who am I?" that she realized she was a people pleaser. This realization led her on a journey of self-discovery and ultimately, to rely on God for her approval and sense of self-worth.
Through her faith and reliance on God, Jinger began to break free from the need for approval and discover true freedom. This book is a guide for anyone struggling with people-pleasing tendencies and seeking to find their true identity and purpose in life. Learn how to:
- discover the beauty of community and how we were made to enjoy others,
- identify sin and how it can hinder your ability to be in community with one another,
- diagnose yourself with ruthless honesty but without judgement, and
- understand who you are in God's eyes.
Jinger hopes this book will inspire others to embark on a similar journey towards freedom.
240 pages, Kindle Edition
Published January 14, 2025
1067 people are currently reading
12607 people want to read
About the author
Jinger Duggar Vuolo
9 books486 followersJinger Vuolo grew up on TV. From the age of 9 until 27, she appeared on her family's hit TLC reality shows, "19 Kids and Counting" and "Counting On". She is an author whose books include her personal memoir The Hope We Hold and a children's book, You Can Shine So Bright. She now lives in Los Angeles with her husband, Jeremy, and their two daughters, Felicity Nicole (4) and Evangeline Jo (1). In her free time, Jinger enjoys traveling, hiking, and anything to do with good food.
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February 4, 2025ARC for review. Published January 14, 2025.
DNF at 26%
Oh, how I love to hate the Duggars, and I was doing t long before everything came out about the oldest son being an incestuous molester and into child porn. Now, understand that I have no quarrel with most of these poor children who have simply been the unfortunate recipients of their parents’ bigotry and then made to be unwilling child stars besides (and then the horrendous Jim Bob took all the money. He. Is. Awful. And he thinks he’s better than you, despite it all.)
I had always hoped that some of the children would see through the parents and Jinger looks to be one of those who has, at least in part. I don’t think she’s the one whose husband has openly confronted Jim Bob, and she’s still religious, but she has disavowed the Gothard gospel that she was raised with and….(gasp!) wears pants. Good on you, Jinger (worst name though. All the “Js” are bad enough, but, “Jinger?” Not her fault, of course.)
However, I think I should have read Jinger’s first book and not this one, because my guess is in the first one she talked about her life, which is what I was interested in reading. This is a self help book for people who, like her, are people pleasers. She even has questions at the end of each chapter to see what you learned. I’m not really sure what makes Jinger qualified to write a self help book as I’m pretty certain she is not a psychologist (let’s face it. Michelle taught all those kids from the Gothard homeschool method so they, sadly, probably have the equivalent of about an eighth grade education in everything except abortion provider protesting and judgment.). Plus Inam whatever the opposite of a people pleaser is, so this is not something I need.
I will keep my eye out for a cheap or free copy of Jinger’s first book. I hope one of her daughters (she only has two, so it looks like someone has learned about birth control on the sly!) becomes a death metal rocker.
DNF at 26%
Oh, how I love to hate the Duggars, and I was doing t long before everything came out about the oldest son being an incestuous molester and into child porn. Now, understand that I have no quarrel with most of these poor children who have simply been the unfortunate recipients of their parents’ bigotry and then made to be unwilling child stars besides (and then the horrendous Jim Bob took all the money. He. Is. Awful. And he thinks he’s better than you, despite it all.)
I had always hoped that some of the children would see through the parents and Jinger looks to be one of those who has, at least in part. I don’t think she’s the one whose husband has openly confronted Jim Bob, and she’s still religious, but she has disavowed the Gothard gospel that she was raised with and….(gasp!) wears pants. Good on you, Jinger (worst name though. All the “Js” are bad enough, but, “Jinger?” Not her fault, of course.)
However, I think I should have read Jinger’s first book and not this one, because my guess is in the first one she talked about her life, which is what I was interested in reading. This is a self help book for people who, like her, are people pleasers. She even has questions at the end of each chapter to see what you learned. I’m not really sure what makes Jinger qualified to write a self help book as I’m pretty certain she is not a psychologist (let’s face it. Michelle taught all those kids from the Gothard homeschool method so they, sadly, probably have the equivalent of about an eighth grade education in everything except abortion provider protesting and judgment.). Plus Inam whatever the opposite of a people pleaser is, so this is not something I need.
I will keep my eye out for a cheap or free copy of Jinger’s first book. I hope one of her daughters (she only has two, so it looks like someone has learned about birth control on the sly!) becomes a death metal rocker.
March 27, 2025
I listened to this because Jinger wrote it, not because I think I have a problem with people pleasing, but I think it will be really helpful for those that do.
Jinger seems like she really wants to help others, and provides tips for people like her. The majority of the book is faith-based though, so if you're not a Christian, it might be a little overwhelming.
There's questions to ask yourself at the end of every chapter, so it's nice to pause and reflect, maybe write your answers down if you feel like it. You might learn something about yourself you didn't know before.
Also, this is NOT a tell-all book, so don't expect that going in, she does reference her family & IBLP, but the focus is on healing the people pleaser inside of her and the reader.
Even though I'm not a huge fan of self help books, this is one I'd reread.
Jinger seems like she really wants to help others, and provides tips for people like her. The majority of the book is faith-based though, so if you're not a Christian, it might be a little overwhelming.
There's questions to ask yourself at the end of every chapter, so it's nice to pause and reflect, maybe write your answers down if you feel like it. You might learn something about yourself you didn't know before.
Also, this is NOT a tell-all book, so don't expect that going in, she does reference her family & IBLP, but the focus is on healing the people pleaser inside of her and the reader.
Even though I'm not a huge fan of self help books, this is one I'd reread.
March 31, 2025
What a hopeful, honest, and transformative read! Just as much as I enjoyed and related to Becoming Free Indeed by Jinger, I really felt filled and challenged by reading this book.
Each chapter was concluded with Bible verses and discussion questions which really prompted me to go deep into ways I've toxically people-pleased and how to avoid pitfalls in continued growth. The way serving others as a pure way to serve Christ was distinguished from serving via looking for approval, validation, safety, and acceptance, and; therefore, serving ourselves was very poignant and wise.
I was also brought to think and pray on why I have adopted certain unhealthy people-pleasing techniques and was thereby further enlightened on how and why to avoid these lies and distortions.
Always brought back to the firm foundation of the Bible, the unique way God gifted each of us, and the importance of sound encouraging and exhorting community with hilarious and open stories shared along the way, Jinger Vuolo's latest was well worth my spare time in this busy season and yet another thing I'm thankful that I listened to the prompting of the Holy Spirit for! ❤❤❤❤❤
💓For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ.~ Galatians 1:10💓
Each chapter was concluded with Bible verses and discussion questions which really prompted me to go deep into ways I've toxically people-pleased and how to avoid pitfalls in continued growth. The way serving others as a pure way to serve Christ was distinguished from serving via looking for approval, validation, safety, and acceptance, and; therefore, serving ourselves was very poignant and wise.
I was also brought to think and pray on why I have adopted certain unhealthy people-pleasing techniques and was thereby further enlightened on how and why to avoid these lies and distortions.
Always brought back to the firm foundation of the Bible, the unique way God gifted each of us, and the importance of sound encouraging and exhorting community with hilarious and open stories shared along the way, Jinger Vuolo's latest was well worth my spare time in this busy season and yet another thing I'm thankful that I listened to the prompting of the Holy Spirit for! ❤❤❤❤❤
💓For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ.~ Galatians 1:10💓
April 16, 2025
“You probably wouldn’t worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do."
I am a recovering “people pleaser” and it was so refreshing to hear from Jinger and how she too is transforming her “unhealthy” pleasing to “healthy” helping.
At the heart of it, some of us are people pleasers because it is a toxic way to validate our worth and our place. We worry about what others think of us, and we are somewhat, unknowingly, trying to subtly control others’ thoughts of us. As difficult as it is to admit, that can be a motivation to put others first. Evaluating why you people-please is an uncomfortable task, but it truly sheds light on whether you are trying to receive validation from others or if you are wondering how your actions serve yourself.
Jinger’s tender words help guide the reader to become introspective and explain how one can try to balance the imaginary expectations with the legitimate realities. – Sara W.
I am a recovering “people pleaser” and it was so refreshing to hear from Jinger and how she too is transforming her “unhealthy” pleasing to “healthy” helping.
At the heart of it, some of us are people pleasers because it is a toxic way to validate our worth and our place. We worry about what others think of us, and we are somewhat, unknowingly, trying to subtly control others’ thoughts of us. As difficult as it is to admit, that can be a motivation to put others first. Evaluating why you people-please is an uncomfortable task, but it truly sheds light on whether you are trying to receive validation from others or if you are wondering how your actions serve yourself.
Jinger’s tender words help guide the reader to become introspective and explain how one can try to balance the imaginary expectations with the legitimate realities. – Sara W.
January 22, 2025
More of a self-help book for religious people than a juicy tell-all lol… not for me
December 25, 2025
A Christian self-help style book, written to support the journey of personal growth, self-discovery and spiritual growth away from people-pleasing tendencies.
I was lucky enough to access the audiobook (via Libby app), which is narrated beautifully by Jinger herself.
3.5 stars
February 19, 2025
Jinger has a Sunday school student level understanding of some Bible stories. This is especially evident in Chapter 5, “Trading Down” where she misses the point of the story of Jonah.
Many of her personal stories and anecdotes are cringeworthy and come across as “first world problems.” She’s a people pleaser because she wants to host nice dinner parties? That’s just being a normal person.
We need to stop giving people book deals just because they have a platform.
Many of her personal stories and anecdotes are cringeworthy and come across as “first world problems.” She’s a people pleaser because she wants to host nice dinner parties? That’s just being a normal person.
We need to stop giving people book deals just because they have a platform.
January 21, 2025
3.5 stars rounded down!
This book is Jinger's third book and explores more of how her upbringing and childhood raised in a strict and oppressive religious system impacted not only her personhood but her sense of identity as a 'people pleaser.' As someone who often works with self-proclaimed people pleasers it was interesting to read this and have a little more insight into those who would identity themselves this way, but also with a biblical lens. This book does not introduce any new information, but rather functions as another semi-memoir/self-help book. I enjoyed it and enjoyed Jinger narrating the audiobook.
For fans of the Duggar girls, you will enjoy. This is not an expose or really even that much of a memoir, just an essay based/Christian self-help book. Since I love Jinger, I really enjoyed!
This book is Jinger's third book and explores more of how her upbringing and childhood raised in a strict and oppressive religious system impacted not only her personhood but her sense of identity as a 'people pleaser.' As someone who often works with self-proclaimed people pleasers it was interesting to read this and have a little more insight into those who would identity themselves this way, but also with a biblical lens. This book does not introduce any new information, but rather functions as another semi-memoir/self-help book. I enjoyed it and enjoyed Jinger narrating the audiobook.
For fans of the Duggar girls, you will enjoy. This is not an expose or really even that much of a memoir, just an essay based/Christian self-help book. Since I love Jinger, I really enjoyed!
January 19, 2025
We all long for authenticity in relationships - true genuine community. And yet how often are we scared of being vulnerable, of letting our true selves be known? Jinger opens up to share her walk through years of people pleasing and how isolating it was for her - where the opinion of others and her own inner critic was truly crippling and anxiety-producing. And yet by God’s grace, she has not stayed there. This book is her journey.
And for those of us who also struggle with people pleasing (guilty) - the answer Jinger provides is not in ourselves. She points us to Scripture again and again. The true answer is found in Jesus. And through His grace, loving people and letting people “in.”
Read it, my friends. I know you’ll be encouraged and challenged like me.
The book is available wherever books are sold. Please also visit https://www.jingerandjeremy.com to see videos and interviews from @jingervuolo herself!
—-
#sponsored I ordered this book for myself as soon as it could be pre-ordered! But then I was privileged to also receive a copy from the publisher/author @wpublishing
And for those of us who also struggle with people pleasing (guilty) - the answer Jinger provides is not in ourselves. She points us to Scripture again and again. The true answer is found in Jesus. And through His grace, loving people and letting people “in.”
Read it, my friends. I know you’ll be encouraged and challenged like me.
The book is available wherever books are sold. Please also visit https://www.jingerandjeremy.com to see videos and interviews from @jingervuolo herself!
—-
#sponsored I ordered this book for myself as soon as it could be pre-ordered! But then I was privileged to also receive a copy from the publisher/author @wpublishing
March 18, 2025
This was an easy read, and for people who struggle with excessively worrying about what others think of them or how they appear to others, I think it’s a helpful read. She does use a good portion of Scripture throughout, but I’d consider it to be more practical than theological. I think the conclusion about being a healthy people pleaser might could have been clearer or just used different verbiage since it can be misunderstood to say “fix being a people pleaser by being a people pleaser.”
I appreciate how she doesn’t shy away from sin, the Gospel, and how we need Jesus to actually change our lives.
I appreciate how she doesn’t shy away from sin, the Gospel, and how we need Jesus to actually change our lives.
February 12, 2025
Admittedly, I thought this was a memoir rather than a self help book.
Additionally, I do not share Jinger's faith and am not the target audience.
This book is about and for those who struggle with pleasing others. Some cannot imagine this struggle, but for those who battle with the unnecessary feelings of anxiety and disappointment, sadness and constant frustration of wondering what others are thinking of us, it is definitely an obstacle we must work at recognizing and fighting against. This is not a book about the Duggar family or any current real or imagined scandal or angst going on in Jinger's life. It's just her attempt to help others with a spiritual struggle she battles herself.
I find her approach very genuine and also gentle. She does not belittle or berate, but rather gives examples of people pleasing in her own life, past and present, and suggests ways to help overcome the feelings and consequences of this familiar pattern. It is certainly appropriate if you are a Christian, but also applicable if you or someone you're close to finds themselves prone to this type of personality.
Additionally, I do not share Jinger's faith and am not the target audience.
This book is about and for those who struggle with pleasing others. Some cannot imagine this struggle, but for those who battle with the unnecessary feelings of anxiety and disappointment, sadness and constant frustration of wondering what others are thinking of us, it is definitely an obstacle we must work at recognizing and fighting against. This is not a book about the Duggar family or any current real or imagined scandal or angst going on in Jinger's life. It's just her attempt to help others with a spiritual struggle she battles herself.
I find her approach very genuine and also gentle. She does not belittle or berate, but rather gives examples of people pleasing in her own life, past and present, and suggests ways to help overcome the feelings and consequences of this familiar pattern. It is certainly appropriate if you are a Christian, but also applicable if you or someone you're close to finds themselves prone to this type of personality.
March 14, 2025
This book was beautifully written, vulnerable, convicting, and provided such encouragement that our true Master is Christ, not people! Would highly recommend if people-pleasing is an area of struggle, as it is for me.
March 18, 2025
DNF. Made it 1/2 way. By the title I should have known I was not the right audience, I don’t consider myself a people pleaser. I was hoping this book would be something more but it’s a very biblical self help
book and preachy.
book and preachy.
January 18, 2025
I was looking forward to this, but was disappointed. However, I am giving it 3 stars because - if you didn't realize you were a people pleaser - it would be helpful with that realization. I already know I am. I was looking for advice or inspiration for breaking free from it; which this book does not give. It shares her experiences and her realizations, but it's difficult to relate as she grew up in the spotlight. This was the first book I've read by her, and I don't think I will pick up another one of her titles. She's not that interesting.
February 28, 2025
I have followed the Duggar’s story for as long as I can remember and feel a pull to several of the older siblings. When I requested this book on NetGalley, I did so blindly without reading the description (as I do with 90% of the books I decide to read) but I really wish I would have gotten an idea of what I was requesting. This was not my vibe. Memoirs? Absolutely. Self-help? No, thank you.
I appreciate her willingness to share her experience with people-pleasing and relate on many levels to the different situations but the writing was very choppy and geared mainly towards those who are of the same faith as her. This book could have been condensed into a one hour podcast (I’m being very generous with the time frame here).
This would be appropriate for anyone who is of the Christian faith and seeking to conform to a single path of being “cured” from “people pleasing”.
I appreciate her willingness to share her experience with people-pleasing and relate on many levels to the different situations but the writing was very choppy and geared mainly towards those who are of the same faith as her. This book could have been condensed into a one hour podcast (I’m being very generous with the time frame here).
This would be appropriate for anyone who is of the Christian faith and seeking to conform to a single path of being “cured” from “people pleasing”.
May 19, 2025
I am a big fan of Jinger’s last two books, Becoming Free Indeed and The Hope We Hold. I’ve read them more than once and recommended them to others. I had high hopes for this one. I am sad that I can’t recommend it whole heartedly to believers struggling with people pleasing/fear of man.
Because of the nature of reviews, this is broad stokes where nuance would be better served. I’m happy to chat in more detail, but for the sake of review here’s the reasons I’m rating it down.
Jinger gives a lot of good truths, and lot of focus on the life of Christ and Scripture. All good!
She starts at a place I find troubling. The idea that to love your neighbor you must love yourself (more) first. This is a common application of this passage, but one that, viewed in the context of all of Scripture (using the clarity principle) is just not the point. Scripture shows again and again we love ourselves just fine. We are SO good at it. Scripture, and the words and actions of Christ and his disciples also show and tell us we have to daily die to ourselves, because we are so good at preferring ourselves. Die to self, love God, love others.
She recommends a professional Christian counselor.
Knowing (having been a part of) the church she is currently in and its high standard for Biblical counseling, I found this surprising. She does say to find someone who starts in Scripture, but integration is just not that simple.
She focuses more on the positive side of people pleasing, and pleasing self, and spends very little time on what the actual opposite of people pleasing/fear of man is - the fear of God. It felt like she missed the point.
All in all, (again, broad strokes) I found myself frustrated with the self focus throughout this book. I wouldn’t recommend it, I would instead point you to Pleasing People by Lou Priolo or When People are Big and God is Small by Ed Welch.
Because of the nature of reviews, this is broad stokes where nuance would be better served. I’m happy to chat in more detail, but for the sake of review here’s the reasons I’m rating it down.
Jinger gives a lot of good truths, and lot of focus on the life of Christ and Scripture. All good!
She starts at a place I find troubling. The idea that to love your neighbor you must love yourself (more) first. This is a common application of this passage, but one that, viewed in the context of all of Scripture (using the clarity principle) is just not the point. Scripture shows again and again we love ourselves just fine. We are SO good at it. Scripture, and the words and actions of Christ and his disciples also show and tell us we have to daily die to ourselves, because we are so good at preferring ourselves. Die to self, love God, love others.
She recommends a professional Christian counselor.
Knowing (having been a part of) the church she is currently in and its high standard for Biblical counseling, I found this surprising. She does say to find someone who starts in Scripture, but integration is just not that simple.
She focuses more on the positive side of people pleasing, and pleasing self, and spends very little time on what the actual opposite of people pleasing/fear of man is - the fear of God. It felt like she missed the point.
All in all, (again, broad strokes) I found myself frustrated with the self focus throughout this book. I wouldn’t recommend it, I would instead point you to Pleasing People by Lou Priolo or When People are Big and God is Small by Ed Welch.
October 9, 2025
I think had I realized what this book was, I would have enjoyed it more. So this is a reader error on that front. I just didn’t realize it would be a bible study self help style book. Jinger is a great writer and she’s very well spoken, so the quality of the book is there! Just needs to be for the right person!
July 22, 2025
This is a really good book and I love her writing and story,but still was more impacted by her first book which I highly recommend!!
December 10, 2025
I needed this like a sloth needs an espresso IV.
March 17, 2025
ATI/IBLP, right? I was also part of that a couple years around middle school, and I’m so thankful God brought my family out! Every time Jinger talks about it, I remember some other false teaching which was engrained into my subconscious. I’m thankful Jinger can call out the cult-like false teachings and point to Jesus at the same time. I appreciated this book about as well as her previous book, Becoming Free Indeed. Both have been therapeutic and helped me to find professional therapy to help me move forward in life.
Edit: I’m leaving my review at 5 stars but I’m going to be honest and say I didn’t necessarily fully agree with her conclusion. So maybe 4.5. I’m also reading other books on therapy and the pitfalls of people pleasing in reference to my respectful disagreement. 😅
Edit: I’m leaving my review at 5 stars but I’m going to be honest and say I didn’t necessarily fully agree with her conclusion. So maybe 4.5. I’m also reading other books on therapy and the pitfalls of people pleasing in reference to my respectful disagreement. 😅
April 8, 2025
Audiobook 🎧
I'm glad Jinger was reading this, otherwise it would've been hard to listen to. While I don't think I'm always a people pleaser, there's definitely areas where I am.
I enjoyed that she focused heavily on scripture, especially towards the end.
I enjoyed her other book more, this was a little too self help for me.
I'm glad Jinger was reading this, otherwise it would've been hard to listen to. While I don't think I'm always a people pleaser, there's definitely areas where I am.
I enjoyed that she focused heavily on scripture, especially towards the end.
I enjoyed her other book more, this was a little too self help for me.
January 26, 2025
Based on the title, I could tell this was going to be a self-help book. It’s also verrry religious. If you’re against religion or aren’t really fond of Christianity… you may want to avoid.
I am not religious, but I really like how Jinger confronted her people-pleasing behavior and how it was hard to put it into her religion now and as a child. Another part of people-pleasing is overdoing it until you burn out, dont want to connect, and end up depressed and worse off. Jinger does a good job of explaining how community has helped her in her adult-life, and how even when things are tough we really need connection.. after all, it does keep us young. Also really enjoyed the questions given at the end.
Thank you Net Galley & W Publishing for an advanced copy of this book.
I am not religious, but I really like how Jinger confronted her people-pleasing behavior and how it was hard to put it into her religion now and as a child. Another part of people-pleasing is overdoing it until you burn out, dont want to connect, and end up depressed and worse off. Jinger does a good job of explaining how community has helped her in her adult-life, and how even when things are tough we really need connection.. after all, it does keep us young. Also really enjoyed the questions given at the end.
Thank you Net Galley & W Publishing for an advanced copy of this book.
February 4, 2025
This book confirmed to me that I am not a people pleaser in the slightest, and Jinger is too much of a people pleaser to spill the tea. Still love her though!
January 27, 2025
If a Duggar daughter writes a book, I’m gonna read it. This book called me out the entire time in a good way. I especially related to the habits which kept us safe in childhood/adolescence which now hinder and harm us in adulthood. (Isolation, shrinking one’s self, conflict avoidance, self destruction.)
I don’t have a relationship with faith at this point in my life so I knew I wasn’t the exact target audience. But, I could appreciate the love and care Jinger put into connecting scripture to her emotional healing in an approachable, unpretentious manner.
I don’t have a relationship with faith at this point in my life so I knew I wasn’t the exact target audience. But, I could appreciate the love and care Jinger put into connecting scripture to her emotional healing in an approachable, unpretentious manner.
May 25, 2025
Pros:
-beautiful, insightful, personal stories and thoughts by a fellow people pleaser
-really good at helping readers identify people pleasing in themselves
-relatable--I could see my past self very much in her descriptions and even uncomfortably in some ways in my present
-lots of Scripture and a foundation for Jesus being the only one to truly help us out of the snare of people pleasing
-very practical and not afraid to be truthful
-also recommends professional help if needed
Cons (disclaimer: I listened to this on audio so my cons might not be totally fair since I could have missed something):
-maybe I was distracted, but sometimes I struggled to see how her stories related to her points, though they were all good stories
-honestly, I thought this was going to be more gospel-centered than it was
-while I appreciate her sincerity and perspective, her solution to people pleasing seems a little simplistic. The solution to people pleasing is...more people pleasing? This sounded a little like a Bill Gothard sermon. Part of me totally gets it, but I think that the type of healthy people pleasing she is talking about is a RESULT of experiencing freedom in the gospel and learning self-forgetfulness. There is a place for serving before we totally understand why we can, but I felt like some key ingredients were missing from her solution, though, again, I may have been distracted.
-beautiful, insightful, personal stories and thoughts by a fellow people pleaser
-really good at helping readers identify people pleasing in themselves
-relatable--I could see my past self very much in her descriptions and even uncomfortably in some ways in my present
-lots of Scripture and a foundation for Jesus being the only one to truly help us out of the snare of people pleasing
-very practical and not afraid to be truthful
-also recommends professional help if needed
Cons (disclaimer: I listened to this on audio so my cons might not be totally fair since I could have missed something):
-maybe I was distracted, but sometimes I struggled to see how her stories related to her points, though they were all good stories
-honestly, I thought this was going to be more gospel-centered than it was
-while I appreciate her sincerity and perspective, her solution to people pleasing seems a little simplistic. The solution to people pleasing is...more people pleasing? This sounded a little like a Bill Gothard sermon. Part of me totally gets it, but I think that the type of healthy people pleasing she is talking about is a RESULT of experiencing freedom in the gospel and learning self-forgetfulness. There is a place for serving before we totally understand why we can, but I felt like some key ingredients were missing from her solution, though, again, I may have been distracted.
February 21, 2025
Very helpful content. I really admire her.
January 23, 2025
Some of this I was really able to relate to and opened my eyes to some new concepts. I think it's refreshing to hear about this subject by a "non-expert" and just someone who has experience with this. I think it made the book more relatable and understandable.
July 12, 2025
I enjoyed her other books more. I admire her passion for this topic, but found it unrelateable to the extreme she experienced it.
January 26, 2025
There's no question that most of those who are going to be drawn to "People Pleaser: Breaking Free From the Burden of Imaginary Expectations" will be drawn by their familiarity with the life and ministry of New York Times bestselling author and longtime reality television presence Jinger Duggar Vuolo, one of 19 siblings featured in "19 Kids and Counting" and "Counting On."
The sixth child in her family, Vuolo is now only a few years away from the end of her reality television life and the now 31-year-old is married to husband Jeremy with two daughters. In the years since her time on television ended, Vuolo has been on a journey of discovering her own faith and becoming a bestselling author. While it's clear she still loves her family, Vuolo speaks openly about the dysfunctions of Bill Gothard's teachings (on which she and her siblings were raised) and mentions, though somewhat briefly, the well known issues of one of her brothers.
Vuolo, however, still very much identifies as Christian and attends Grace Community Church. Her husband, a former professional soccer player, is employed by The Master's Seminary.
"People Pleaser" seems to be Vuolo's continued effort to put away the remnants of her unusual childhood and early experiences with what many would call abusive religious practices. In "People Pleaser," Vuolo shares her personal journey of constantly seeking approval of others and how she began to turn away from that and found her own identity.
Essentially, "People Pleaser" is about Vuolo's journey toward relying on God for her approval and sense of self-worth and how she discovered the beauty of community, learned to identify how sin can hinder one's ability to be in community, embraced being able to diagnose oneself with honesty but not judgment, and ultimately figuring out who we are in God's eyes.
There is a quiet simplicity in "People Pleaser" that is refreshing and it's clear that Vuolo writes with sincerity and an open heart. While "People Pleaser" is less memoirish than most of her writing, Vuolo still uses examples from her own life and invites others to join her on this journey. Each chapter ends with questions, reflections, and discussion points for consideration and one can easily see "People Pleaser" serving as an experiential small group reading experience. While I think the book is appropriate for anyone, there's little doubt that Vuolo's intended audience is Christian women and/or those who've likely read her other books to which she references fairly regularly.
I will confess that I was hoping for more of a deep dive from Vuolo. "People Pleaser" keeps it fairly simple and straightforward and more than once I found myself mumbling "That's sure a first-world problem." While it's natural that Vuolo would write from what she knows, and in many cases that's a childhood and young adulthood caught on film, the simple truth is that a lot of these examples feel separated from the harsh realities in which so many people live. This is not, for sure, to minimize the trauma associated with the Gothard experience - I have a couple friends who were raised with that and it's hardcore and undeniably traumatic - however, time and again it felt like the examples in "People Pleaser" were really just skimming the surface.
Ultimately, I'm not sure that "People Pleaser" was written for a reader like me, however, I'd imagine Vuolo fans will appreciate this latest literary journey. I'm not sure that "People Pleaser" will attract Vuolo new fans, however, longtime fans and readers will likely appreciate her insights and theological reflections on this relevant subject.
The sixth child in her family, Vuolo is now only a few years away from the end of her reality television life and the now 31-year-old is married to husband Jeremy with two daughters. In the years since her time on television ended, Vuolo has been on a journey of discovering her own faith and becoming a bestselling author. While it's clear she still loves her family, Vuolo speaks openly about the dysfunctions of Bill Gothard's teachings (on which she and her siblings were raised) and mentions, though somewhat briefly, the well known issues of one of her brothers.
Vuolo, however, still very much identifies as Christian and attends Grace Community Church. Her husband, a former professional soccer player, is employed by The Master's Seminary.
"People Pleaser" seems to be Vuolo's continued effort to put away the remnants of her unusual childhood and early experiences with what many would call abusive religious practices. In "People Pleaser," Vuolo shares her personal journey of constantly seeking approval of others and how she began to turn away from that and found her own identity.
Essentially, "People Pleaser" is about Vuolo's journey toward relying on God for her approval and sense of self-worth and how she discovered the beauty of community, learned to identify how sin can hinder one's ability to be in community, embraced being able to diagnose oneself with honesty but not judgment, and ultimately figuring out who we are in God's eyes.
There is a quiet simplicity in "People Pleaser" that is refreshing and it's clear that Vuolo writes with sincerity and an open heart. While "People Pleaser" is less memoirish than most of her writing, Vuolo still uses examples from her own life and invites others to join her on this journey. Each chapter ends with questions, reflections, and discussion points for consideration and one can easily see "People Pleaser" serving as an experiential small group reading experience. While I think the book is appropriate for anyone, there's little doubt that Vuolo's intended audience is Christian women and/or those who've likely read her other books to which she references fairly regularly.
I will confess that I was hoping for more of a deep dive from Vuolo. "People Pleaser" keeps it fairly simple and straightforward and more than once I found myself mumbling "That's sure a first-world problem." While it's natural that Vuolo would write from what she knows, and in many cases that's a childhood and young adulthood caught on film, the simple truth is that a lot of these examples feel separated from the harsh realities in which so many people live. This is not, for sure, to minimize the trauma associated with the Gothard experience - I have a couple friends who were raised with that and it's hardcore and undeniably traumatic - however, time and again it felt like the examples in "People Pleaser" were really just skimming the surface.
Ultimately, I'm not sure that "People Pleaser" was written for a reader like me, however, I'd imagine Vuolo fans will appreciate this latest literary journey. I'm not sure that "People Pleaser" will attract Vuolo new fans, however, longtime fans and readers will likely appreciate her insights and theological reflections on this relevant subject.
June 18, 2025
People Pleaser was a good read. I liked how the audiobook was read by the author. I found the topic of people pleasing relatable and liked the discussion on it. I enjoyed learning more about her story and thought it was an easy read.
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