Romances & Practicalities: A Love Story (Maybe Yours!) in 250 Questions ―Spice Up Your Love Life and Build a Stronger Connection with the Ultimate Relationship Guide
A few months into Lindsay Jill Roth’s whirlwind transatlantic courtship with a handsome Englishman she’d dubbed “the Brit,” he made an off-hand comment that hit her like a “But I don’t know you well enough yet.” Despite hours on FaceTime and a series of swoon-worthy dates in London and NYC, Roth reluctantly realized that he was they didn’t know each other very well. And their budding relationship, while certainly romantic, was hardly practical. Did they have a shared vision for the future? Did he want kids? In what country would they live?
In the age of increasingly impersonal dating—where “ghosting” is the norm and “situationships” abound—how do you actually get to know someone? How do you get off the hamster wheel of first date after first date and advance a relationship along the path to commitment? How do you know if the person to whom you’re committing is really (or really might be) “the one?”
Where’s the guide?
Enter Romances & Practicalities, a set of 250 research-backed questions spread across twelve separate categories—from money to children to chores to sex—designed to help you identify your wants, needs, and non-negotiables, assess compatibility with a potential or current partner, initiate tricky conversations with grace, and build a deeper, stronger relationship. The questions range from seemingly light and casual to intimate and serious,
How did your family members communicate, share, and argue growing up?How are we different? Do our differences complement each other or might they be a source of future conflict?How important to you is spending time alone?How do you show love to others?How important is your career in terms of your identity?How do you feel about debt? Mortgages?If we were stuck on that desert island together, what strengths and skills would you bring to the table to help us survive?Roth weaves the questions and her approach to them with her own charming love story, provocative interviews with real-life couples who’ve used the system, and practical guidance from a diverse range of clinical and popular experts including psychotherapist and bestselling author Lori Gottlieb, the “holistic psychologist” Dr. Nicole LePera, Dr. Mark Hyman, sex therapist Dr. Emily Morse, Suze Orman, Nate Berkus, Justin Baldoni, Barbara Corcoran and many more.
For anyone who’s ever wondered—How could we have never talked about this?!—Roth’s wise and witty narrative explores the reasons we don’t often equate romance with practicality, and arrives at a surprising healthy communication isn’t just vital, it’s sexy.
Lindsay Jill Roth is an award-winning television and live-events producer who has created and developed a wide variety of programming globally, including original content for NBC, BET, ESPN, Food Network, Billboard, The Masters, The Grammys, The TONYs, and the US Open. She is the former producer of Emmy-nominated Larry King Now and the creator and executive producer of Haylie Duff’s Real Girl’s Kitchen. She is also the author of the novel What Pretty Girls Are Made Of. Lindsay lives in New York and London with her husband and two young sons.
Her next novel, Romances & Practicalities (HarperCollins) is coming out in February, 2025
ARC for review; accessible and warm, avoids being preachy. Very user-friendly and, selfishly, validating where I was expecting judgment, which always helps. 😂 Wasn’t sure about this one before starting it but looking forward to writing it up.
Ill-conceived and poorly organized self-help book from a woman whose qualification is that she's a TV producer, not an expert at relationships nor educated in the psychology field. That right there should make you skeptical of this, which ends up sounding like a hot topic segment of one of her talk shows or a jaded pop culture documentary.
So why is she writing this book? I looked her up online and discovered she's Meghan Markle's "best friend from college." Oh, so that's how she found a publisher for this mixed-up mess. But even then, shouldn't that make you question even more the author's qualifications to talk about sensible relationships?
Roth says that to write the book she talked to "more than one hundred people." Wow, I guess we're supposed to be impressed? She asks questions of a "holistic psychologist" throughout the book, but most of the responses are common sense. Speaking of which, Lindsay Roth seems to have little of it. Some of the questions are pretty simplistic and I could have answered most of these better than the professional. So could anyone with normal dating experiences, which Roth seems to lack.
It's poorly organized with the 250 questions you're supposed to discuss with your dating partner strewn out-of-order throughout the book. Her first chapter is on animals and pets. Seriously? She thinks this is the most important thing to lead with? Well, no. When you read the chapter the first question on the list she addresses is number 9. Huh? Why not in numerical order? In later chapters she refers to other things as more important than the pet discussion, so why in the world is it the first chapter?
As I've warned in other memoir-style books, any chapter devoted to animals shows the author has run out of significant things to write about, and this is no exception. She could have just listed the few animal-related relationship questions for couples to discuss.
Because Roth has decided that to add narrative structure to include her own love life, she begins each chapter with a quick story about dating "the Brit." These are very short and some don't have anything to do with the actual topic of the chapter. By the end, she not-so-shockingly reveals the identity of the man is her husband, and there is little reference to any other dating experiences she had, which actually detracts from the book by implying it isn't that hard to stick with one guy if he is rich or charming enough. Right, Meghan?
Too much is focused on her elitist lifestyle and problems that are very specific to life in New York City. Roth is jetting around the globe meeting her Brit in expensive restaurants and having mind-blowing sex, something many readers won't be able to relate to. Her worries include how two busy New Yorkers find time to walk a dog or how to deal with a lover in a different time zone due to his constant travels. Seriously, Lindsay, that might be normal to you or Meghan but not the average reader.
The author even admits to being clueless as to the basics of dating culture, which reinforces her lack of connecting with everyday people. In that dumb opening chapter, she seeks out the advice of an expert on how pets impact relationships (there is such a thing?) and asks him dramatic questions such as, "Do you see many similarities between how animals and humans behave in terms of courting?" What? Did she really ask that? Then she is happy to report that we can trust him because he's known as "the hot vet," twice named People's "Sexiest Vet Alive." Again, impractical and illogical in terms of connecting with commoners. Did she pick up Meghan Markle's inability to understand how others perceive her as a snooty out-of-touch elitist?
The biggest issue with all of this is that it's too geared toward women, making men look like the bad guys and employing some male-bashing that even slams her own "Brit." In one case she is upset by his repeated rhetorical but admiring question early in their dating, "How are you still single?" Any man could tell you that it's a big compliment and an admission that he can't believe he's in a relationship with such a fantastic woman that any guy would want. But Roth takes it as an insult, confronting her lover, then overanalyzing his low-key reaction to his parents' divorce to conclude that his asking how she's still single "had always been about the Brit and his insecurity."
No, honey, it actually is about YOUR insecurity. And talk about communication issues--way to "womansplain" what a man means when you have no understanding of yourself. In typical female fashion (based on my experience at least) any weakness or vulnerabilities in a man are spun by the woman as negative to make herself look better or deal with her constant insecurity. (That's why so many female dating profiles want a "confident" partner, to make themselves feel less anxious, though serial killers and murdering dictators have boatloads of confidence.) Roth tells "the Brit" that she understands he asked that question as a compliment "but it hurts my feelings...it makes me feel bad about myself, no matter what your intention."
So ignoring the intent of the other person and criticizing his praise because you feel bad about yourself is great communication? Wow, how did this guy not drop her immediately? And we're supposed to take advice from her?
Don't. There's very little practical in here for the average person beyond the actual list of 250 questions in the back of the book, and even then most of these you've seen on OKCupid or in small card boxes that couples can discuss. In the end there is little romance and even fewer "practicalities" from a woman who isn't qualified to write a book on this subject.
Okay, this was actually fascinating. Each chapter goes into why each section of the questionnaire is important and insights other people have gained by asking or not asking these questions when they were in relationships. I love how inclusive this is as well. Lots of different types of people and relationships are explored!
This book is so fun! I ended up also buying the kindle version so I could more easily read it on my commute to/from work.
TL;DR: This dating book isn't like the others. You could literally bring it to a cocktail party. If you're a quick reader, read my long review. If you'd rather get on with a fun read, buy it now and thank me later.
Books about dating are as tired as everyone's thumbs are from swiping left and right on dating apps. What more and more people are coming to the realization of these days, is that intention is everything. ESPECIALLY when it comes to dating if you're at a point in your life when you're looking for a long term, serious partner. And I am. It just so happens that this book was perfect for me.
Many of us have heard of and read "The 36 Questions That Lead to Love" from the NY Times article in 2015. The questions are grouped and get progressively more serious as you go on. They do cover many important areas. But the reality is that people are complex. There are so many facets of our lives that matter to us and each person is so different. Everyone defines their dealbreakers differently. For example - pets. To some people, pets are table stakes in their lives. They will always have a pet and the pet is considered part of their family. For other people, they could care less about pets. But they're BIG on their household being a vegetarian household only (not me - sorry, can't resist a steak).
Lindsay Jill Roth's book presents a looooong list of questions, some fun and silly, others serious, and all that matter in one way or another, to someone. Right now I'm single and I don't have a partner to chat about these with YET but I hope one day I will. In the meantime, I really enjoyed this book. It was so easy and fun to read that I could've been having lemonade on a patio with girlfriends someplace talking about dating. And I could easily jump around depending on which topics I was most interested in. It helped that the author was willing to share her own personal story around getting to know her husband, because we get to see the questions and the exploration they incited play out in real time on the page.
Most importantly though, this book had me asking MYSELF questions I hadn't considered before. For example, if I get married one day, would I want my husband and myself to define a financial cap, where if we go over a certain dollar value, we need to consult the other before making a purchase? Or how do I feel about cosmetic procedures - for myself or a partner? If I get married, what kind of roles do I want my in-laws to play? Well, review reader...I DIDN'T KNOW. I still don't know 100%, but I'm thinking about it, which is what matters. I appreciate having this list of 250 questions because it's a good way for me to delve into my relationship with myself. That way, when it comes time for the stars to align and me to finally meet the right person, I'll be ready.
If you've gotten this far in my review, well, you're a champ. Here's what you need to know: This is an easy book to read, a fun story to watch unfold, and an invaluable resource when it comes to getting to know yourself, your partner, and what you both value.
Thank you @WilliamMorrowBooks for the #gifted book! My opinions are my own.
How do we really get to know someone? There seems to be a gap between meeting someone we are romantically interested in and really knowing them, and we don’t always seem to know how to bridge it. It’s hard enough to meet someone, but once you have physical Intimacy isn’t equal to being on the same page as they are and knowing their personality and character (though the physical part is fun too). How do we get to the heart of whether that person aligns with our principles, standards, values, and goals? Especially when we are taught to hide our true selves, and then end up falling for a façade. Roth’s approach to this conundrum developed organically during her own romantic journey, which she further honed by sharing it with others she knows: a series of questions intended to get at the heart of what you may want to know about who someone else really is before you make a “forever” decision. It’s purpose is to foster open communication—not to get the “right” answer, but to open the right doors to learn about each other and more deeply engage with each other, especially if you’re starting from scratch. The bulk of the book shares examples of how Roth and her man, along with other couples, used these questions to engage with each other on both romantic and practical levels, and how it helped them inform important decisions about how to move forward. I wish I had had this book when I was dating and will absolutely recommend it to my friends as a useful and practical tool.
I absolutely adore this book. It's such a wonderful way to get to important concepts in a way that avoids awkwardness and tension. Many of the questions in the questionnaire I either hadn't thought to ask or didn't want to, but Roth provided an easy way to glide into these subjects. It's super fun to discuss these topics. It's a great way to learn more about the person you're seeing. It's a wonderful way to evaluate compatibility early (or late!). I would definitely recommend every couple or potential couple to go through this questionnaire together.
I also really enjoyed the book-book part! It provided a lot of insights and topics to explore in the questions I wouldn't have thought about. This will be a book I reference again in the future, as I feel repeating the questionnaire can help evaluate if things have changed.
I fully admit, I wasn't sure what to think about this book at first. But now, having read it, I'm thrilled to have won a paperback advanced reader copy in a Goodreads giveaway! It helpfully posed important questions and did so in a way that didn't leave me feeling overwhelmed by all the things to think about going into a long-term partnership. Combined with the author's personal journey, the structure of the book made the content accessible and enjoyable. I'm absolutely going to be keeping this book for future reference and will be recommending my friends get a copy as well!
I wish this book had existed when I was dating. I've been going through these questions with my husband of 18 years and there are so many topics we've still never explicitly discussed! I can't imagine how helpful this would have been when we first met. But even now we've had amazing conversations and it has brought us closer. Honestly I can't think of anyone who wouldn't benefit from this book.
I read this in one sitting on a long plane ride. What a gem of a book! It was informative and practical but also great storytelling. Many laugh out loud moments in addition to lots of a-ha moments and practical, head-nodding "yes, I need to think about that" moments. A warm, interesting tone that felt like I was talking to the sister I never had.
This book was phenomenal - I love reading about love stories and the perspective this book was written in blew me away. The questions that one would think to ask in a relationship are “easy” but then when you use the R&P questionnaire, it really makes you think in a different light.
This was a fun and interesting read - the questions are definitely something that can be both fun and informative and there's a lot of personal stories, both the author's and some collected from other people of different walks of life. And all of that is backed with research by actual specialists - therapists, couples' councilors, and even a sleep specialist.
I just finished reading Let Them, which set a high bar before reading Romances & Practicalities. It delivered; I was super into R&P and learned a lot! It’s a great story wrapped around a system that I am now using to better communicate with my partner. I can say without hesitation: read this book, it’s really great.
This memoir/interview advice book on relationships was not what I expected. I thought it would be geared towards singles, but as a married woman, I learned a lot and devoured this book. It's fun, engaging, and thought-provoking! Highly recommended.
This book really surprised me in all the best ways. It is simultaneously delightful and incredibly helpful! The personal anecdotes the author shares about her own courtship are so relatable (I laughed out loud at a few), and while my spouse and I are celebrating 15 years of marriage this year, we have learned new things about each other by discussing many of the questions! Absolutely loved it!
I have been married for 14 years and I still found this book so helpful! I kept a running list of questions to discuss with my husband after reading. He has now recommended it to several people too!! A fun, but insightful book. Truly worth your while.
I had the ARC and blew through it! Not only am I a total sucker for a good romance trope (The Brit 😍), but as someone in a new relationship, the questionnaire was clutch. It gave questions I never would have thought of on my own. I highly recommend this book to anyone and everyone. 10/10.
This is such a valuable book - I’m really impressed by the research and how the stories are woven together. My partner and I have started tackling the questions and have already had more meaningful discussions than we’ve had in a while. Highly recommend!
Fun, easy to read. Sensible. No duh, the foundation of a good relationship is open communication, but I’m a real sucker for a list of discussion questions. Can’t wait to make David answer them with me!!
This book is a uniquely fun guide and I felt like my hand was being held by the author while reading it. I really enjoyed hearing all of the personal stories, and now my husband and I have started doing a few questions each night at dinner. Don’t think - just buy and read it - and thank me later!
I’m providing my personal opinion on this ARC received through a Goodreads giveaway. The book contained a good set of questions to be used throughout anyone’s relationship. A great form of communication with others. To better understand others as well as ourselves.
Fabulous new read by Roth. Everyone in a relationship needs to read this. This is the book we have always needed. Highly recommended. Wonderfully written and engaging.
Super fun and approachable, I loved this book. A great mix of anecdotal tidbits and thought-provoking questions, and perfect timing for Valentine's Day.
Read it in one weekend and just loved it! Especially as a newlywed. Lindsay makes the book so warm and approachable, I will definitely be gifting to girlfriends just in time for Valentine’s Day ❤️