Screwtop Thompson

by Magnus Mills

‘He has no literary precedent, and he also appears to have no imitators. He mines a seam that no one else touches on, every sentence in every book having a Magnus Mills ring to it that no other writer could produce' Independent In ‘Hark the Herald', a guest stays at an eerie guesthouse over Christmas without encountering any other residents, despite constant reassurance from the landlord that he would see them if only he arrived for breakfast slightly earlier; in ‘Only When the Sun Shines Brightly' Aesop's fable about a competition between the Sun and the Wind to get a man to take his coat off, gets a new look involving a railway arch, a builder and a piece of plastic sheeting; in ‘Once in a Blue Moon' a man arrives home to find the family house under siege, with his mother armed, dangerous and firing at the police with a shotgun, and attempts to appease her with an invitation to seasonal hospitality; and in the title story, rivalry between three cousins over a faulty toy gets out of hand as the cousins unwittingly imitate the toy they're fighting over. Magnus Mills has published two collections of stories - Only When the Sun Shines Brightly and Once in a Blue Moon - which are collected here for the first time, along with three new stories.

Genres: Short Stories, Fiction

129 pages, Kindle Edition

First published October 4, 2010

Reviews

[Melki · Rating 3 out of 5]

My mother's house was under siege. One chill Friday evening in November I arrived to find the entire neighbourhood in a state of high alert. The police had blocked the street at both ends. A helicopter was circling overhead, and there were snipers hidden in the garden.
From Once in a Blue Moon

Please, call your mother...BEFORE things get to this point.

This is a nice little collection of short stories. I hesitate to use the word "cute," but it's fairly apt. Most of them read like jokes, a nice involving set-up and then, the punchline.
Ba-dum-dum!

Mills' tales were pleasant enough, though there was nothing earth-shattering or truly memorable.

[Andy Weston · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hark The Herald. Its Mills on the darkside, as usual, and would suit a reader who is a bit cynical about Christmas and all the trite entertainment that goes with it.
A lonely visitor to a guesthouse for a Christmas stay manages constantly to miss the festive parties and meals, never seeing another guest during his stay.

Several of the stories have a Christmas theme, but really this is typical Mills, quirky and deadpan, with shrewd and amusing observations on human behaviour.

Though published in 2010 some of the stories were written years before, and seem like Mills was testing the water, to see if they could be extended to a longer piece of work. For example, in Vacant Possession two sub-contractors travel north and stay in a guest house, in what seems the bare bones of The Restraint of Beasts, perhaps his greatest work.
In They Drive By Night, a lorry driver and his colleague pick up a hitchhiker and spend the journey screaming over the noise of their engine at each other, only to lapse into complete silence once they reach a quiet cafe.
Screwtop Thompson is another of the three Christmas stories and concerns a 12 year old boy anticipating his presents and being underwhelmed.
A Public Performance is about a boy at a 1970s Led Zeppelin gig, observing teenage pomposity in what seems also an auto-biographical piece.

My favourite though is Once In A Blue Moon in which the narrator visits his mother, only to find she is keeping a police sniper cordon at bay with a semiautomatic rifle. Nonetheless he pops in for tea and discuss what they will do for Christmas Day.

The end of the book leaves me with a tinge of sadness, for I’m done with Mills now; I’ve read everything and loved it all. Hopefully we may get something new at some stage soon..

[Anna · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read 'Screwtop Thompson because I observed both my parents laughing while they did so over the past few days. After suffering through Red Gas, I needed something cheerful. I do enjoy the deadpan humour of Magnus Mills, although at times his level of deadpan surpasses my ability to appreciate it. Several of the stories in this slim book made little impact at all, whereas I could not stop laughing at the opening line of the final story: ‘By the autumn of 1970 I was coming under intense pressure to buy a coat’. I loved ‘Half as Nice’, a cautionary tale of the music industry, and ‘The Good Cop’, an account of staff shortages. ‘Once in a Blue Moon’ also had a delightfully surreal edge. After hesitating between three and four stars, I must award four just for the line, ‘By the autumn of 1970 I was coming under intense pressure to buy a coat’ because it sounds exactly like something my dad would say. EDIT: Specifically, it reminds me of my dad's anecdote that begins: "It was the sixties and I was wearing a hat."

[Paul · Rating 1 out of 5]

There’s a select band of writers who, from the outset of their writing careers, manage to publish one fine novel after another. We could all suggest contenders, based on our reading preferences and experience. Many would argue for Austen or Dickens, say, authors for whom I admit a blind spot. I would choose the first five novels by William Golding. The composition of Lord of the Flies, The Inheritors, Pincher Martin, Free Fall and The Spire seems to me an unrivalled achievement. More obscure and largely out of print are the first five novels of Rex Warner. The Wild Goose Chase, The Professor, The Aerodrome, Why Was I Killed? and Men of Stones, form a hugely impressive sequence. These books have in common a quality that I admire, each is different from its predecessor. It’s a great joy as a reader to discover these sequences, reading them one by one and remaining spellbound.

More recently, Magnus Mills looked like he might be a genuine contender with the publication of his superb first and second efforts, The Restraint of Beasts and All Quiet on the Orient Express. They were darkly comic, gripping and quasi-philosophical novels. The publication of his third novel, Three to See the King, was a cause for great excitement for me. I was underwhelmed. I read each of his next three novels with an increasing sense of disappointment. They have their moments (The Scheme for Full Employment being the pick of the bunch, in my opinion) but they're not in the same league as his first two.

And then came Screwtop Thompson, quite possibly the slightest collection of stories I've ever read. I can't comprehend how this can come from the keyboard of the author who wrote Restraint of Beasts. Perhaps I'm missing something; I don't know.

How many more books does one read by an author, hoping for a return to form? This was the last book I read by Mills and it's a decade ago. And yet... His last three novels are in my to-read list; should I give them a go or cut my losses? First World problems...

[Jordan B · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nice easy read. A welcome break from straining my brain trying to read Stephen Hawking’s ‘A Brief History of Time’!

[Jim · Rating 4 out of 5]

This slight book contains eleven slight—and slightly inconsequential—stores that reminded me (although they’ll probably remind no one else) of Kay Dick’s equally slight short story collection, They in which the titular ‘they’ appear in every story but we never find out who they are. To be fair I enjoyed that collection—I even read it twice which is rare for me—but I still felt a bit cheated at the end. It’s like with Waiting for Godot: I know why we’re never going to find out who Godot is but that doesn’t mean I still wouldn’t like to know who he is.

All of these stories feel like they’re missing something. What they’re not missing is good writing because they’re all a delight to read and Mills never puts a foot wrong. He just stops short. In ‘They Drive By Night’, a lorry driver and his mate pick up a hitchhiker and spend the journey screaming over the noise of their engine at each other, only to lapse into silence once they reach a quiet café. That’s it. You keep waiting on the other shoe falling and there isn’t one. In some respects the humour is analogous to Steven Wright’s one-liners—e.g. “On the other hand, you have different fingers.” You feel you have to go back over the joke again to see if you missed something. And that’s how I felt here. I get to the end, get the point and then think: Wait a sec. Was that it? What did I miss?

Some of the stories work better than others. I liked the one about the guy on holiday who keeps missing the other guests in his B&B and there’s a nice Kafkaesque touch to ‘The Good Cop’—one can never go wrong with a touch of Kafka—but the little ‘ghost story’ that ends with us not knowing what was behind him annoyed me almost as much as the ending to The Blair Witch Project. The good thing is that you don’t have to devote a lot of time to these. They’re like the tin of Roses that gets handed round at Xmas—something of a theme in this book since three of the stories are set at that time of year—which are nice and all that but no replacement for a full plate of turkey and sprouts.

The general impression from looking at the other reviews is that most people felt the same as me. As Emmett puts it: “that the stories were decently written, good even, but there was something clearly missing/something I ought to have noticed but didn't.” It’s hard to know what to miss out when writing a story. You don’t know who’s going to be reading it and what they’re going to bring to the table. I clearly didn’t bring enough, have the feeling I was cheated but it was all done with such grace that I didn’t mind which is why the four stars and not three it probably deserves.

[Tony · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wish I'd seen the subtitle of this book ("And Other Tales") prior to purchasing, because I thought this was a novella, not a collection of short stories. Eight of the eleven stories in this book were previously collected in "Only When the Sun Shines Brightly" and "Once in a Blue Moon" -- both of which I already own... 

Actually, to call these short stories is somewhat misleading -- a few are, but most are what I'd call "microfiction." The brief pieces collected here will be instantly recognizable stylistically -- there's a an unnamed (presumably) male narrator doing something banal. There's something just a degree or two off-kilter, but it's hard to say what, and indeed, with one or two exceptions, there's no punchline and the piece drifts to an ambiguous and occasionally unsettling end. 

I absolutely loved Mills' first two books and pressed them on every reader I know, but it's been a case of diminishing returns for me ever since. There are a few decent pieces here (the title story is probably the best, as well as "Hark the Herald" about a man at country guesthouse during Christmas, and the haunted house tale "Vacant Possession"), but the book is largely ephemeral and only of interest to Mills' completists like myself, and maybe not even then.

[Tracey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Magnus Mills is the master of the absurd and this collection of 11 short stories serves as a perfect sampler of his weird and dry humour. Strangely absent is the assumed order of beginning, middle and end; the tales often fail to culminate in any kind of conclusion or reason. But this is exactly the point and is what makes his surreal world so very inviting.

[Hesam · Rating 1 out of 5]

Oh what a waste of time this was. I appreciate the author's style, which I am sure lots of people love. But, it just didn't do magic for me. I could relate to what he was trying to say, but I think it was not engaging enough.

I *randomly* picked this one at the library, and was sure punished :)

[Bart Van Overmeire · Rating 4 out of 5]

Vintage Magnus Mills, now in short story form.

[Nathan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I just finished reading the last of the Sunbathers trilogy, the most recent of Mill’s works when I started this short story collection. Over the past year, I read every one of his novels and loved each one greatly. As a matter of fact, I reckon he’s become my favorite author. All of that to say that I’m not sold on him as a short story writer. I did chuckle from time to time, and his signature depiction of anxiety amongst the mundane is all there. The stories just aren’t fleshed out enough for my personal expectations of his work. They read like little vignettes instead of stories and a lot of time that works, but often, it falls a bit flat. I still liked this, obviously, but having come off of a recent full catalog binge, it didn’t fully click. BUT for a quick Magnus Mills nibble, this does work like a snack, satiating with a little fix to get one by. Kudos maestro Mills, per usual. Can’t wait for the next one!!

[Jim Duggan]

Exquisite vignettes of Millsian writing, improving as the book progresses. One about Aesop’s fables was my least favourite - and the first - maybe because it tried too hard, (or just because, perhaps like an ant, it tried at all), but once in flow I think Magnus Mills is one of fiction’s greatest grasshoppers.

[Kirsty · Rating 4 out of 5]

A short book of strange and charming stories. They read like sweet little jokes or anecdotes – which isn't meant as a negative. When I got in from a long and stressful day, this was exactly the right thing to read.

[Anubhav Bhattacharyya · Rating 5 out of 5]

We think, and we research, and we struggle and then we write. But conversation & flow never comes naturally to us unless of course, you are a natural. That's where Magnus Mills comes in.
This book is deceptively simple, yet a real page-turner

[Rich Coad · Rating 3 out of 5]

A nice day read of a collection of short stories. Magnus Mills has that way of writing that can leave you bewildered with the endings (or sometimes lack of) but does this in a genius way. Not the author's best material but still worth a read to pass the time.

[Classic · Rating 4 out of 5]

A nice little book looking at the small mundane events and things that happen in our lives. It is well executed and the characters are interesting though quite shallow.

[Stuart Rushbury · Rating 5 out of 5]

Made me smile

[Simon Veksner · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wonderfully wacky.

[Rosa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Recording that I read it, in Jan 22, but can't recall a thing about it, sadly.

[Cocaine · Rating 4 out of 5]

As anyone would tell you, editor, literary critic, author or English professor, the art of fiction lies in the short story. Without the luxury afforded by the novel of being able to extend, effectively 'pad out' the tale being told, you have to write succinctly and with as much precise detail as humanly possible. Dialogues must be to the point as should the prose. Characterisation too must be sharply defined without any overblown descriptions oft used in the novel. Magnus Mill's is Britain's best kept literary secret - one of them at least - and here he demonstrates why the literary world and his wife queue up to pay praise to this mans enormous talent. With his usual trademark matter-of-factness, Magnus Mills tells tall tales in short succession.
'Only When the Sun Shines Brightly' is a story of a man who lives by a railway line. One morning he wakes up to hear the wind howling. he also hears what sounds like wings flapping. It is a story of a plastic sheet. The second short story is called 'At Your service' and is about the men's next door neighbour, Mister Wee, a Chinaman who sometimes cooks Chinese food for him but who more ofetn than not simply makes tea. there is a tree in a downstairs neighbours garden whose branches are casting shadows and thereby blocking out the light. A bow-saw and some ladders are required. Limbs are cut. tempers raised.
'The Comforter' features an Archdeacon and a committee meeting. The Archdeacon likes pencils and pads and taking notes but doesn't much like meetings. he manages to stay awake but only just.
There are eleven short stories all told in this collection. All infused with Mill's sense of the absurd, He empowers the mundane making it both funny and surreal. It's dreamlike quality is exemplified by his delivery. Like a comedian he sees the ridiculous in every aspect of life. His observational skills are keenly honed, quite naturally so too. There is no artifice, no manufacturing of situations. Just mental notes taken, stored and then reshaped, then retold. Mill's will probably be overlooked in his lifetime. Like a great many talented authors whose work does not meet with commercial concerns or with mass popular appeal he will remain very much a part of the 'underground.' An alternative author winning mute accolades from his peers but generally missed by Joe Public.

[Robert Day · Rating 3 out of 5]

I find the landscapes in these stories to be very flat and featureless. The characters are deadpan and strangely devoid of emotion - rather like fish in human form.

The author does have a distinctive style. I have read three books by him in the last 2 months and they all seem to feature the same sort of prose and character. It makes me wonder what the author is like to speak to. I imagine him to be a very boring working class guy with a distinct Brummie accent being as he was (according to Wikipedia) born in Birmingham and brought up in Bristol.

Actually - not true. I just listened to him reading an excerpt from one of his book on YouTube (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3SKe...) and he's actually reads with a voice that has a very neutral accent. He does sound a bit boring and monotonic on the whole though.

These stories didn't really capture my attention or interest. I couldn't imagine wanting to read anything by him ever again when I'd finished this. It wasn't until I was well into another of his books: The Restraint of Beasts that I realised what was so familiar about his name and the style of writing. In case you're wondering why I embarked on a third book by him (All Quiet on the Orient Express) - it was a Book Club choice. Actually - that one is the best of the three I have read so far.

And funnily enough, that's not where it ends. Through the power of Goodreads I know that I also have Three to See the King in a box in the attic waiting to be read. Can't wait!

I should stop now - I kind of ran out of things to say about this volume in my first paragraph.

[Jim Kinsey · Rating 3 out of 5]

When I finished this book one of the first things I said to my partner was "I'm not sure whether that was really clever or just felt like it was really clever", and really I'm still not sure (though she hasn't read it yet, she likened what I described to some of Paul Auster).

I did enjoy reading it very much, it reads very nicely, has distinctive atmosphere and some well drawn characters but I was occasionally left a little with the feeling of not being in on something - the question being whether that something is a joke on the reader or a profound insight.

The highlight for me was the opening story, about a plastic sheet trapped on the side of a railway viaduct opposite the narrator's flat, which does seem to have a clear point. The title story was the weakest, though still a good nostalgic sketch centred around a childhood toy and Christmas. A sort-of ghost story works quite well though perhaps could have lost the final "twist". A story with the narrator as an awkward teenager who likes prog rock seemed a bit by-the-numbers.

It's hard to know how much to recommend it - it's certainly well crafted and distinctive, but I'm unconvinced it's quite as clever as it seems to be.

[Boyd · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a tiny collection of stories, both in trim size and in number. Really they're sketches, somewhat in the manner of Calvino or Alan Bennett, and most of them have been published in one of the author's two previous collections.(Some grumbling about that, understandably.) Nevertheless, four stars from me. The title story, which brings Eeyore's Birthday irritatingly to mind, is probably the weakest and least typical of the lot: it's a bit clumsy and lacks the author's usual extreme deadpan strangeness. But the rest of the tales more than make up for it, even the ones that will already be familiar to Mills enthusiasts. I myself couldn't live without "Once in a Blue Moon," in which the narrator's mother holes up in her house and engages in a gunfire-punctuated standoff with the local police constabulary.

[Emmett · Rating 3 out of 5]

Finished it in one sitting. Brilliantly crafted little sketch-scenes of stories. The scenarios (mostly anyway) were not of the exciting sort; they struck me as events that could be found on blogs, journals and the like - quotidian things but nevertheless unexpected interesting that I could go through the entire collection in a span of a few hours. In most of them it's hard to know what's going on till midway or even the end, but the puzzling and anticipation makes it more delightful. It's not an overly humorous collection, though I had the impression certain parts were supposed to be funny (and sometimes actually are). When I finished each story what I mostly felt were impressions - that the stories were decently written, good even, but there was something clearly missing/something I ought to have noticed but didn't.

[Kris McCracken · Rating 2 out of 5]

I did enjoy the stories; my issue is that I would read most of them in a couple of earlier collections! I am not sure of the need to release them multiple times. Well, I can figure it out but it doesn’t please me…

[Mark · Rating 3 out of 5]

A bit disappointed with the book as it contained some stories that I'd previously read in another book. Worth reading but not quite his best. Still an utterly unique author and always interesting to read.

[Carla · Rating 4 out of 5]

An enjoyable set of short stories from the author of one of my all-time favorite books, 'The Restraint of Beasts'. Despite their brevity the author manages to get a complete tale out of each chapter, complete with character development and decent plot.

[Max Nemtsov · Rating 5 out of 5]

it's always nice to re-read those fearless and funny tales. have you noticed, there's always something spooky going on in them, although nothing seems really? is it the terror of mundane small things? MM is truly a genius

[Gumble's Yard - Golden Reviewer · Rating 3 out of 5]

Series of short stories, all very much in Mills trademark style.

With another author they could only ever have been short stories, but Mills could have turned any of these into a full length novel.

Overall a little lightweight – but nevertheless enjoyable.

[Katrina Tan · Rating 4 out of 5]

As ridiculous and hilarious as Etgar Keret. Fab British deadpan humor with that little twist. Thoroughly enjoyable.