How to Sleep at Night

by Elizabeth Harris

A sharply observed comedy of manners about straight marriage, gay marriage, and family ties stretched thin by politics, How to Sleep at Night is a witty and whip-smart debut reminiscent of Fleishman Is in Trouble and Emma Straub, by the New York Times book reporter.

Meet Ethan and Gabe. A devoted couple since their early twenties, they have successful careers, an adorable daughter, and a house in the New Jersey suburbs. Sure, they may have slowly drifted to different ends of the political spectrum, but their marriage still has its spark. Then one night Ethan makes a shocking he wants to run for Congress as a Republican — but only if he has progressive Gabe’s blessing. For weeks a slightly queasy Gabe struggles between supporting his husband’s dream and maintaining his own lefty ideals. He can feel himself slowly pulled under the tide of Ethan’s political ambitions, even as he becomes widely known as a conservative spouse.  

In a nearby town, suburban mom Nicole wonders what happened to her younger self—living in New York City, freely dating men and women, and on a path to a career in the art world. Bored and frustrated, Nicole feels like an accessory in husband’s life and she yearns for something of her own. She finds it one fateful morning when an old flame re-enters her life unexpectedly. That woman is Ethan’s sister Kate.

A political reporter at a major newspaper, Kate has reached the top of her profession, and her career is at the very center of her life. But the adrenaline rush of chasing a story has lost its thrill.  When Nicole—the woman who broke her heart—slides into her DMs just as her brother starts his controversial congressional run, Kate’s life is thrown into a tailspin that threatens to derail the success she’s worked so hard to achieve.

A witty and knowing novel about romantic and sibling love, ambition, monogamy, and the ways in which our identities evolve over time, How to Sleep at Night marks the debut of an accomplished novelist with the verve of Jennifer Close, J. Courtney Sullivan, Nick Hornby, and Emma Straub.

Genres: Fiction, LGBT, Queer, Audiobook, Contemporary, Politics, Literary Fiction

304 pages, Hardcover

First published January 7, 2025

About the author

Elizabeth Harris is an award-winning reporter at The New York Times where she covers books and the publishing industry. "How To Sleep At Night" is her first novel. She lives in New York City with her wife and kids.

Reviews

[Jessica Woodbury · Rating 2 out of 5]

This started off interesting but somehow got duller as time went on. A strange situation for a book that wants to bring biting commentary. Ultimately the heart of the book is very old-fashioned and not really that interested in fully addressing the problems we're presented at the start.

Mixed political party marriages are certainly something that has been more top of mind the last 8 years. Harris' novel struggles because she only partway acknowledges the truth of that divide. Trump doesn't exist in this book and Trump-ism only sort of does. That is, I think, the fatal flaw of the novel. Because Trump is why relationships have gotten so much harder across the political divide. And it makes it even harder to make any sense of Ethan, a gay Republican. Yes, the Republican party in the book has a loudly bigoted faction, but in the book this is something that is overcome-able. Something you just have to pretend isn't there so you can get an endorsement and win a race and then actually do good things. Yes there are politicians like this, but it's hard to imagine Gabe, the vibrant high school teacher being married to gay Mitt Romney, which is what the book wants us to believe. I never could believe that Ethan existed. I never could believe that Gabe would stay happy with him. And it's very frustrating to over and over again have Gabe vent his righteous (and extremely justifiable!!) anger only to then apologize and walk it back because the way he expressed it was not socially appropriate.

Kate and Nicole have a more interesting and more believable dynamic. Nicole treated Kate badly when they were young. Now Kate is a workaholic and Nicole has left her work entirely to stay home with two children after marrying a man. They reconnect, sparks fly, and it's very clear that this could once again go extremely badly! Not just for Nicole, it was actually Kate I worried about more. Nicole SUCKS, and I will say that the way Harris draws her is just 100% accurate, this kind of chaotic person who focuses so much on herself that she cannot see that she is being terrible to her husband and her mistress feels very true to life. But there's nowhere to really go with it. The justifications for Nicole to stay in her marriage always feel halfhearted. And it never feels like you can trust Nicole to be a good partner for Kate's future. So the stakes just aren't there.

If this book was really willing to go for it, to let this world feel more real, to not cop out so often, it could have been interesting.

It's also written in so many short scenes, many of which just feel like repeats of previous scenes, showing us no real progression in plot and nothing new in character. I wanted tighter, sharper, MORE.

[Angie Miale · Rating 4 out of 5]

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️😭
Ethan Keller is running for Congress in a conservative district in New Jersey. He is a new conservative, a gay man in a devoted marriage with a young daughter. He believes that the way to change his party is from the inside, and wants to represent New Jersey in Congress. His husband, Gabe, is a history teacher at an elite Manhattan school. Gabe absolutely hates Ethan‘s politics, even though he loves his husband. They make some mistakes.

Ethan‘s sister, Kate, is a reporter for one of the top newspapers in the country, (this is supposed to be the New York Times) she has never quite gotten over her college relationship with Nicole. But, she appears on cable news programs often and her career is soaring. She makes some mistakes

Nicole is the mother of an eight-year-old and a five-year-old, married to Austin, who loves to golf. Nichole is a good mom and housewife, but she cannot shake the idea that she was meant for something else in this world, beyond her relationship to her husband and children. One day, she sees her former flame Kate on a cable news program. She makes some mistakes.

I honestly had a hard time rating this. It’s very well written, and I know that it will stay with me for a long time. One great thing I can say about this book is that Donald Trump doesn’t appear to exist in this universe. But the same kind of political environment definitely exists in their world as exists in our today. I do feel like it is a realistic portrayal of what it is like to be in a marriage where your politics are different, your ideas behind relationships are different. Even what it is like to be queer in America. This really just isn’t my type of story, because, I’m pretty big on happy endings, hopeful stories, and my favorite books can best be described as heartwarming. This is not that. It would be PollyAnnaIsh to attack this subject matter in that way, so I don’t think it could have been any less depressing. It’s interesting that this book will come out a few weeks before the inauguration. Four years after the attempted coup at the capitol. Interesting timing, William Morrow. Elizabeth Harris is an author to watch.

Thanks to NetGalley and William Morrow for the arc. Book to be published January 7, 2025.

#booksbooksbooks #bookstagram #booklover #arcreview #booktok #netgalley #bookrecommendations #howtosleepatnight

[aubrey · Rating 1 out of 5]

the literary equivalent of unseasoned boiled chicken and lemon slices

[Laura · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wasn't really sure what the point of How To Sleep At Night, NYT journalist Elizabeth Harris's debut novel, was. It sells itself as being about a progressive gay New York couple, Ethan and Gabe, who find themselves at odds when Ethan decides to run for Congress as a Republican, but even this plotline is stunningly politics-lite. Then at least half the book is taken up with another plot altogether, as Ethan's sister Kate stupidly rekindles her relationship with old flame Nicole, even though Nicole is not only married with children, but has bad news written all over her. So it's character-led, maybe, but I found it difficult to warm to any of the characters. Ethan and Nicole, for different reasons, are obvious jerks. I started off liking Kate and Gabe but they are both such pushovers and make such dumb decisions (especially Gabe) that I eventually went off them. Despite the central conflict being about Ethan's party affiliation, nobody ever seems to think about the consequences of his campaign other than a few half-hearted moans. I then wondered if this is meant to be more of a social satire along the lines of of Laura Blackett and Eve Gleichman's Trust & Safety - but it's not remotely funny or sharp. I wanted a fun fictional take on US politics, but How To Sleep At Night is just blandly underwritten.

I received a free proof copy of this novel from the publisher for review.

[Matt · Rating 2 out of 5]

Based on the synopsis I really thought I’d love this - the pitch is a gay Republican running for office which sounds so intriguing! unfortunately there was just something about the writing that I didn’t vibe with, for such a great premise it was just a bit dry. also the story seems to focus more on the sister’s storyline as she begins an affair with an ex-girlfriend and I kept wanting to go back to Ethan.

[C.J. Connor]

I wanted to like this book, but ultimately I was left disappointed by how it didn't even try to grapple with the idea of a gay Republican running during a time when one of the party's greatest driving points is its demonization of transgender people. I would have thought that would be one of the greatest moral quandaries for such a candidate, but it didn't even get a mention. It made its more humorous plot feel hollow, like it didn't want to engage with what it means to be queer in the US right now but what it meant in maybe 2012.

There were elements of this book I did appreciate—Gabe's storyline in particular—and so I feel I can't accurately rate this book. It was enjoyable but just not as much depth as I wanted from the premise.

[Sarah Nir · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was thrilled to be an early reader on this meaningful, funny, wise book. As we dive once again into political turmoil, it’s fascinating to see the art produced from politics and our fractured, national climate, particularly this beautiful story that tells of our divisions and what brings us together through the lens of love, identity, and finding yourself again. And makes you laugh. Stunning debut from a New York Times reporter, I have followed for a long time.

[Michele Dancer · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ethan and Gabe are a happily married couple with a daughter, thriving careers, and a house in the suburbs. Then Ethan announces his plan to run for Congress. As a Republican. Gabe, a dyed-in-the-wool progressive couldn't be less happy about this but he loves his husband so he unhappily agrees. Meanwhile, Ethan's sister Kate is experiencing upheaval of her own after she runs into her former lover Nicole, now married to a man and the mother of two, and the two rekindle their love affair.
This is one of those books that is difficult to review. The story itself is a good one and it holds your attention. The characters, too, are interesting and relatable.
Would that the writing did them justice. I won't say that the writing is actually bad; it's just a bit flat and lifeless. The ending is a good example of this. All of a sudden we're just there. Everything is over and we're told how things end up and it is hard to care. For me, this is a case of a strong premise, weakly executed.
This was a Goodreads win so my thanks to them and Wm Morrow.

[MissBecka Gee · Rating 4 out of 5]

Drama, drama, drama.
This book was filled with it!
While in real life I hate drama, in books, I am all up in it.
This story follows a brother and sister and their significant others around.
We have mental health rep, queer characters and lots of drama.
Much love to Book Club Girl for hooking the Salted Caramel Madams up with a copy of this.
I am geeked to discuss the book with the author later this month!

[Tilly Fitzgerald · Rating 4 out of 5]

Actual rating 4.5.

This novel looks at what happens to a marriage when you’re not just on opposite ends of the political spectrum, but one of you is so far in they’re running for office! I loved the complex relationship between Ethan and Gabe, with their political opinions almost like the third person in the bed - and yet what I enjoyed most was that there was no clear good or bad guy in this story, and I could understand aspects of both their thoughts and beliefs. And their love for each other felt stronger than all of that.

Aswell as their story, you also have Kate and her messy romantic situation, and an exploration of queerness, wealth, race, privilege and all the many things which come into play when we talk politics. It’s not a light read in subject material, and yet there’s a lightness to the writing and characters which keeps it entertaining rather than stressful! Definitely an author I’d read more by!

[Jules · Rating 4 out of 5]

What if your conservative brother runs for Congress, his husband hates it and your toxic fling from 20 years ago shows up again? The narrators cycle through reporter Kate, brother in law Gabe and her ex Nicole as they all watch their lives combust around a NJ campaign for Congress. It's a timely and well written commentary on politics and when you wake up in your 40s and wonder 'Is this my life?'

[Jelena Beljan · Rating 1 out of 5]

Not one laugh came from me during this “sharply funny” read, not even a snicker.

[Regan Luke · Rating 2 out of 5]

This begs the following questions:
- would you stay with your husband if he slowly becomes trump reincarnated?
- would you have an affair with your ex because you were forced into being a housewife?
- would you break journalism ethics to help your bad republican brother run for congress?
- would you want to read a book about 4 objectively bad people? (No, not really actually)

[Olivia Atkinson · Rating 2 out of 5]

I’m sorry! The concept was solid, but there was no ounce of growth among the characters who were SO unlikable. Literally knockoff annoying Rachel Maddow and anti-Christ Pete Buttigieg 😔🤘

[Meghan Sommerville · Rating 3 out of 5]

Super interesting premise with absolutely no character growth

[Brad Walker · Rating 1 out of 5]

Oof this book is bad. I don't know if it's the worst book I've read in years, but it's definitely the first time I've given something 1 star in a long time.

Basically we have two stories here: one follows Gabe, a gay high school history teacher who calls himself a "progressive" but who reads more as a moderate liberal who likes to be seen as progressive. His husband Ethan has just announced that he will be running for congress in their native New Jersey (drumroll please) as a republican. This is pitched as the main plot, but it felt like we spent more time in the second story, which is about Ethan's sister, Kate, a reporter for a major newspaper in the area, rekindling a romance with her college girlfriend Nicole, who herself is now married to a republican. Kate and Nicole's story is a very straightforward story about having an affair; there's not much more to say about it to be honest.

Where to even start with this? Ugh...

So, for one thing, the way this is written is not nuanced enough to tell the story it's trying to tell and to get the point across that I think Elizabeth Harris is trying to get at, which is "we are a divided country and it is important to hold the people you love close to you in spite of all that". If that's the thesis statement here, it would have helped matters a lot if we were ever in Ethan's head at all. There are four main characters, and we get ample perspective from Gabe, Kate, and Nicole--nothing from Ethan at all: he's just a catalyst for a lot of chaos in these people's lives, like some sort of oblivious, conservative weather event. In the absence of Ethan being treated as a real person in the way the other main characters are, he just seems like an idiot, and I don't know if that was the author's intent. I suspect that Harris's own political beliefs are not the same as Ethan's, and perhaps she just didn't feel comfortable getting into his head, but I do think that is a failing on her part, given what I am to assume the moral of this story is.

And while we're on the subject of a lack of nuance: a number of divisive political talking points are glazed over throughout this story, but trans people are not brought up once throughout this story where a major theme is how conservatism affects queer people's lives, and that just seemed kind of telling.

Another thing is that... Listen, I'm very gay. I'm very active in my community, I know lots of queer people from lots of different backgrounds, who have met their partners through many different circumstances. I do not know a single queer person who is in a relationship with a republican. I certainly don't know any queer people who would describe themselves as progressives who have found themselves in a LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP with a republican. Of course, I realize this could happen, I'm just saying... the suspension of disbelief it requires of me to believe that not one, but two queer people in this story are married to conservatives (because Nicole's husband is a republican too and she is an out and proud bisexual woman), and they aren't connected and don't even interact with each other except in one scene at the very end and it goes really poorly... is just more than I could get behind. Queer people have a really heightened sense of self-preservation, as you might imagine, and typically, at the first sign of someone being less than down with the cause, we extricate ourselves from that situation, I find.

I didn't mean for the end of my summer to focus so much around the idea that bougie, white gayz will not save us, but this is now the second book in two weeks that has had that theme at the heart of it. It does reaffirm that for me though. So clock that the next time you centrist mother tells you how much she loves Pete Buttigieg.

[Lindsey · Rating 1 out of 5]

What could have been a really great book with a great premise was bogged down by the centrist liberal need to always be the good guy who sees both sides. Not the book this world needs right now.

This passage early on in the book told me everything I needed to know going into it:
“Gabe hated the idea that there was something he and Ethan couldn't talk about, and he would look sometimes for points where they might overlap. He tried serving up the far left as a peace offering a few times, hoping he and his husband could ridicule the same people for a change, poking fun at a clownish devotion to sixteen-letter acronyms and an eagerness to be offended by everything. But all that did was show how much of their common ground had melted away. Ethan insisted the "Democrat Party" was beholden to the very people Gabe thought were nuts.”

Yep- supposedly “as left as you can be” Gabe was throwing those with actually left wing politics under the bus for a few crumbs of camaraderie with his husband. And there is no reconciliation for this. He ends up being the bad guy for ruining his husband’s campaign? And both terrible couples stay together? Why?

TLDR: neoliberalism strikes again

[Ella Lieberman · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5 stars. Moderate democrats will love

[Chiratikan Sanguancheep · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book left me feeling...conflicted. It tries to be a slice of realistic fiction, and to some extent, it succeeds. The situations feel real, the conversations sound natural, but the character development falls flat, and the lack of a clear premise made it hard for me to stay engaged.

The book attempts to tackle a range of heavy themes: sexuality, marriage, self-sacrifice, and more. While this mirrors the complexities of real life, it felt like too much to handle in one story. Each topic is brought up but not explored deeply, which left me wanting more substance. It's like the book is trying to start meaningful discussions but doesn't stick with any one idea long enough to make an impact.

While it's not completely terrible, it's not a page-turner either. The overall vibe is messy, and I found it to be an average read at best.

[Garth · Rating 1 out of 5]

* Spoiler Free *
If you told me AI used BlueSky for datamining to write this, I tell you, "No," because it's worse than that.
(June, 2025)

[Gily · Rating 5 out of 5]

No this is not a self helping book. This is a novel of here and now. Great writing. Great story. Great characters. Don’t read anything about it before you open the book or start listening to the audio.

[Chesney · Rating 5 out of 5]

A fantastic book that fits with the climate of today’s world. While some of the events may have been extremely repetitive, I really enjoyed pondering the scenarios in the book. Juicy details with a solid foundation of characters. Highly recommend!

[Emily Quid]

I’m….at a loss.

Ethan: did not get much narrative voice. Wondering why. If this makes him more or less sympathetic. Also, I feel like he was the most sympathetic character of the four, and I can’t tell whether or not that was intentional.

Gabe: I hated Gabe. Sorry. He was obnoxious and selfish. A generally flat character imo.

Nicole: I will never support a cheating character so there’s that. Happy she left him and sympathetic to her struggle but. Also, is it realistic for kids (Henry) to ask questions like that? I wouldn’t know but it felt forced?

Kate: felt bad for her. Second most sympathetic character. Generally flat as well.

Overall, felt like 300 pages of complaints. Not to say that it made the book bad, I think I’m just confused what I’m suppose to take away from it. If you twist my arm, I’d rate it a 3 but I’d rather you not.

[Heather Littman · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.25 ⭐️

[Matt Chisling (MattyandtheBooks) · Rating 5 out of 5]

HOW TO SLEEP AT NIGHT is a risky, audacious novel that explores the lives of four complex queer characters struggling to chase what they really want as they reach middle age.

When Ethan turns to his liberal teacher husband, Gabe, and announces he plans on running for Congress, as a Republican, it kicks off a series of awkward interactions between a quartet of interconnected queer [age redacted] folk: The aforementioned Gabe and Ethan, Kate, Ethan's political reporter sister, and Nicole, a bisexual woman married to a man, but who might still hold feelings for her ex, Kate. As Ethan's career prospects of being a gay Republican leader become more and more plausible, these four characters, all here, all queer, have to recognize the sacrifices they have made for their families, but also their own identities.

Elizabeth Harris' career as a political reporter for the New York Times has undoubtedly informed this novel, which has given us some of the messiest, messiest, MESSIEST all-too-real characters in recent history. HOW TO SLEEP AT NIGHT is upmarket cosmopolitan fiction at its finest: It'll be best enjoyed by fans of writers like Lauren Weisberger, Grant Ginder, and Jenny Jackson. It moves briskly and is plot-forward while not leaving character development behind. Perhaps what makes this novel so timely is that, amidst this raging and complicated political climate, it allows us to look inward and understand why people vote and support candidates that are nothing like us, and it forces us to look at the parts of ourselves that we choose to give up or leave behind at the hands of not just love, but a need to belong, particularly as queer individuals. That these characters are at times unlikeable (or, in the case of Ethan, an even meaner word) helps make this book feel more cinematic and these characters more likely to encounter in the wild. Whether you identify with Ethan, or Gabe, or Kate, or Nicole, you're bound to find something you love (and hate to admit feels real) in this sharp, smart debut.

Thanks to William Morrow books for my early gifted copy! HOW TO SLEEP AT NIGHT is out now!

[kembrie souza · Rating 5 out of 5]

this book was so amazing! i grabbed it from work because the blurb was interesting to me and holy fuck this book did not disappoint. the plot was so good and the characters oh my god i loved all of them so much. i loved it so much mainly because all the choices they were making were very morally grey and oh my god i don’t even know what to say this was such an amazing book and actually the first book i read before the release date haha. everyone please read this when it comes out my review is ass bc it’s nye and im trying to get this written before the new year. hats off to (hopefully) reading 50 books next year!!
took as an arc from barnes

[Melissa Schwartz Walsh]

DNF. This book is excruciating to get through and I gave up at 85 pages. There is no reasonable explanation for Ethan being a Republican and his far left husband Gabe being even remotely okay with that and Ethan’s intent to run for office as a Republican. Nicole is undeniably a massive jerk and it’s not in any way entertaining. Kate seems cool but they only can focus on her interest in Nicole. And beyond that, the story just is not moving along and I had to just let it go.

[Isabel · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book had an incredibly interesting premise, but failed to explore the most interesting character dynamics. It felt dry, soulless and ultimately, very boring. I found no joy in any of the characters and they all came across as incredibly shallow. It wasn't daring enough and the ending was as dull as the rest of the novel.

[Spencer · Rating 3 out of 5]

Funny and witty; but a bit heavy handed in the “politics” side. Yes, MAGA is bad, we get it. No need to bash us over the head with a mini-replica of a Tesla about it. Overall an easy read, but not one I’d recommend anyone rush out to pick up.

[Angie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ethan and Gabe are a married couple with a child. Gabe is a progressive, but over time Ethan's views have gradually shifted rightward until he decides to run for office as a Republican. Gabe wants to be supportive of his partner, but doesn't want to be publicly associated with his views and especially not the views of the Republican party. The campaign itself also puts a toll on the couple. Kate is Ethan's sister, a political journalist who is not allowed to cover Ethan's campaign. Her life is also upended by the reappearance of her former flame Nicole, a bisexual woman married to a man.

Both storylines had a lot of potential, and I was really interested in reading about how a couple navigates political differences in a marriage. I never got any sense of Ethan as a person at all, why his views shifted, how he reconciles being a gay Republican when much of the party's platform is hostile to LGBTQ+ people. As a result, I also didn't have much connection to Gabe and Ethan as a couple. Nicole's experience as a bisexual woman married to a man and how that impacts her identity had potential as well, but she was a pretty awful and selfish character. I think the novel (or this reader anyway!) would have been better served to focus on one storyline and greater development of the characters and relationship involved.