Finding Lily

by Lisa D. Ellis

When her newborn baby Lily dies suddenly, Claire Edwards runs away to live in a lighthouse she had fallen in love with as a young child. The lighthouse is reputed by some to have magical powers, but Claire isn't looking for a miracle. She just wants an escape from her husband Jim's colder way of grieving, and from their apartment filled with the tiny clothes and stuffed animals they had collected over the past few months. But once Claire is situated in the lighthouse, it begins to illuminate things for her in a new way and she’s suddenly forced to rethink her views on life, death, and her marriage.

160 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 22, 2013

Reviews

[Vicki · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the most emotional books I’ve ever read. I could feel Claire’s pain, and it brought back memories of when my sister lost her baby when he was a few months old. I could see the pain my sister felt in Claire.

Her emotions were so raw, and she had to cope in the only way she could, which was to move to the lighthouse she had visited many times as a child. She felt a connection there, and that gave her a bit of comfort, and ultimately helped her heal.

I love the beach and lighthouses, so that aspect of the book really interested me too. Reading about them gave me a very needed break from all the emotions I felt while reading about Claire and Lily, her healing, and her relationship with her husband Jim.

The book was a short read, but it made such an impact on me that I won’t forget it for a very very long time. I hope the author writes a second book to let us know how the years unfold for Claire. I also think a spin-off book about the lighthouse and the people we met in Finding Lily would be very interesting.

This would be a great choice for a book club read. I can’t imagine any woman not loving this book. Better make sure you have a box of tissues handy!

[Melissa T · Rating 2 out of 5]

The idea was interesting, but I felt a lack of connection to the main characters and some of the plot points were unrealistic which detracted from the story. There was nice use of imagery though. Full review to come soon. *I received a free copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.*

[Darlene · Rating 4 out of 5]

Finding Lily by Lisa D. Ellis is a very emotional story that is very likely to break your heart and yet ultimately offer hope. Claire and her husband Jim had anxiously awaited the birth of their first child Lily and are devastated when they lose her shortly after she is born. Everywhere Claire turns there are reminders of her baby girl and she outwardly grieves. She cries and is unmotivated to do anything at all. In contrast her husband Jim throws himself into his work and tries to move on. Needless to say this infuriates Claire who feels if he can’t outwardly grieve their daughter, then he must not have loved her. Not knowing what else to do Claire escapes to a live for a while in a lighthouse that she had visited and loved as a child.

When Claire arrives she revels in the solitude thinking it exactly what she needed. There are no reminders of Lily here. The time there will give her the space she needs to sort through her grief and her feelings on her marriage. As the weeks go by Claire feels certain she can feel her daughter’s presence there with her and it comforts her. When she discovers some old love letters of the woman who lives there year round they cause her to reflect on her own marital problems. Yet she also remembers meeting her husband on this very island and falling in love with him. Does the loss of their child also mean the loss of their marriage? Claire just doesn’t know.

Finding Lily isn’t the easiest book to read at times. I can’t imagine losing a child as I barely survived losing my dog. I did relate to this book in a lot of ways because many, many years ago one of my best friends lost her first baby as he was stillborn. I was there for his birth and later witnessed much of the same emotions that Claire experiences and it was heartbreaking.

I think one of the biggest things to note is not everyone deals with grief the same way in a marriage and this novel portrays that perfectly. While Claire wears her emotions on her sleeve, Jim does not and neither way is wrong but it’s easy to see how it can cause conflict in a marriage. The person literally falling apart simply cannot understand how their partner can go on and live each day as they did before. I’m one of those falling apart people so again I identified with Claire. Ultimately I think Finding Lily is a novel of hope and healing. It’s weird to say I enjoyed a book that broke my heart but I did. I would say that this would make a fantastic book club pick as there is a lot to discuss from losing a child to the effects it has on a marriage. Finding Lily is well worth reading but have a box of tissues nearby.

[Laurel-Rain · Rating 4 out of 5]

In the aftermath of her infant daughter's birth and untimely death a few hours later, Claire struggles to find meaning in her daughter's short life.

Unable to connect with her husband Jim, whose feelings are hidden, and who cannot offer the support and sharing she craves, Claire returns to a lighthouse she has always loved. The very place she and Jim met years before, and owned by a woman named Ida.

As she settles into the comforting womb-like nest, Claire reexamines her life, her relationship with Jim, and the short life of her daughter Lily. Jim's inability to share his feelings has driven a wedge between the two, but even as Claire recalls the paradox that is her husband, she revels in the parts of him that are precious. She especially recalls the moment of conception and how special that particular day had been to them.

Along the way to rediscovering and reconnecting with Jim, Claire realizes that their relationship has always had its ups and downs. But despite those moments, something has invariably brought them together again. As if they were meant to be.

Why does Claire feel so intensely close to Lily here? Is her spirit hovering nearby? Will her presence follow her home, or can she only connect with her here in the lighthouse?

An introspective journey, "Finding Lily" is one woman's exploration of the meaning of life, most especially the significance of her own special baby and the conflicted relationship with her husband that brought the child into being. At times, Claire's perspective and the journey she shares seemed uneven, characteristic of moments we all reflect upon and that come to us sporadically. Claire's journey also takes the reader into the lighthouse owner's world as Claire reads letters and journal entries that show what a special relationship that Ida and her husband had shared. Yet even through the love they held for each other, there were flaws and mistakes, reminding Claire that she and Jim might possibly reconnect despite their inability to grieve together.

In the end, the lighthouse seemed to illuminate many things for Claire and give her the strength to find a way to balance her own needs with her husband's mood shifts. Would her discoveries be enough to sustain them?

While the story and its symbolism resonated with me, there were rambling aspects that seemed to weigh it down at times. Therefore, I'm giving this one four stars.

[Isi · Rating 3 out of 5]

Review in English

Review in Spanish


Finding Lily begins with a tragic event: Lily, Claire and Jim’s baby, dies when she only has lived for a few hours. Claire can’t face all the pain she feels, so she decides to go to a friend’s house in a seaside village, next to a lighthouse. This village is special for Claire because she has gone there every summer since she was a little girl, and she also met Jim there for the first time, so it seems to be the perfect place to stay for a time and think about her life since her best memories belong to that place.

In the lighthouse Claire remembers her adulthood: her art studies, the relationship with Jim, their ups and downs, the engagement and finally Lily, their little baby. Claire and Jim are so different from each other and they cope with the pain in different ways; they can’t be together after Lily’s death but there in the village she can’t stop thinking of him and wondering if she is also in his thoughts.

There are other people Claire gets to know a little in the village, and I would have liked to know more about them, as well as I think it would have been interesting to read some chapters from Jim’s point of view, but the story is short and Claire is the only narrator.

Anyway, I liked very much the way she tells us the events of her life because the reader gets involved in the story, which is really touching and sentimental, not only for the tragedy of Lily’s death but also because the reader empathizes with the relationship between Claire and Jim. Claire discusses with herself there in the lighthouse about things like religion and how your perception on that issue changes when your situation changes completely.

Even though it has a sad beginning, I think the end is encouraging because Claire finally gets to the conclusion that she has fight for the things she loves and she has been happy in her life, so I have finished the book with an optimistic feeling.

[Wall-to-wall books - wendy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This story is hauntingly sad and eerie. It is also one of the most heartfelt books I have read. The plot is very simple but the writing is very complex. This book was so honest and raw it was almost painful to read at times. I love sad books so this story was really just the thing for me. My daughter and I are so close now to have lived a life without her... I wonder what I would have felt if I too had lost my only child.

The character development is amazing. The author really gets into the heart of Claire. There is such a mixture of sadness and deep insight into her feelings. I really disliked the husband. You don't get to know him as much but you do get the feeling of his un-support. And Claire's mother just wants her to stop and just come home. Its not that simple! I know that she had to think, feel, and get over some things before she could return home. She needs a "turning point" a sign.

There are parts in the book that make you wonder if there is a ghost or is Claire just seeing things that aren't there because of her state of mind? This part reminded me of the movie - "Half Light" with Demi Moore (great movie!).
I also loved that this story took place at a lighthouse. I love books about lighthouses.

Here is a quote that shows you the emotion in this book -

"And then I'm forced to lie here, too tired to move or even to think anymore, and I listen to the sound of the waves crashing outside the lighthouse in steady beats that remind me of a funeral song. Ironically, that thought, even more than the memory of the dress and all the flowers, plunges me over the edge and draws warm tears across my cheeks even as I tell myself I will not cry. But I can't help seeing Lily in that little casket. Watching her in my mind, I see her chest move and then suddenly I start thinking that maybe, somehow, she is still alive."

This book is beautifully written, so in-depth, and emotional. This is a very clean book (no sex, no swearing, that I can recall).

[Donna McBroom-Theriot · Rating 5 out of 5]

Finding Lily is an amazing book. It is hard to imagine how one might react to the imaginable pain of losing a child. I, myself, would be destroyed. The author brought you to the core of Claire's heartbreak with her words. She crafted a well written story that gave the reader the opportunity to become a close friend of Claire, and as that close friend, allowed the reader to suffer through her loss along with her, as well as her healing.

I think that God helps us heal in a way that only the person grieving can understand. For Claire, that healing came in the form of isolation and time with her daughter, Lily. Finding Lily is also a story of hope, showing us all that time and love can help in easing the pain and moving forward.

Here are a few quotes from the book. The author brings out the humanness in Claire.

"Then I wept and wept in a new, more violent way that I had so far. The crying scared me with its intensity. My tears were ragged and my breath caught in my chest in painful bursts that threatened to suffocate me, and I wanted to break something or throw something or do something that would release some of the tension, but I couldn't stop crying long enough to figure out what, besides Lily's coming back, would help me to feel better."

"Can I get you anything?" he (Jim) asked, unaware of my growing wrath. "Aunt Gwynn made some of your favorite strudel." He gestured to his plate, as though I could've missed it. How in the world could this man be so untouched by Lily's death to stand here eating? I hadn't been able to eat in a few days even though everyone kept pressing food on me."

"All of my energy was focused on the chase, and that prevented me from seeing what the catch would feel like when-and if-I was successful in my attempt. I wonder if all couples experience a similar paradox in their relationships."

Read more: http://mylife-in-stories.blogspot.com...

[Tia Bach · Rating 4 out of 5]

Losing a child is most parent's worst fear. Claire and her husband, Jim, only had moments with their daughter, Lily, before a heart defect took her away too soon. Claire feels suffocated by life, seeing her daughter around every bend. She needs a place to heal and seeks refuge at a place from her youth--a lighthouse.

Against her husband's wishes, Claire heads to this place of solitude and cuts herself off from the world. She even disconnects the phone at her new abode. Letters start pouring in from her parents and Jim asking her to return, but she knows she needs the time. There she has visions of her daughter and finds a way to begin the healing process.

Claire's emotions are told with heartbreaking honesty. As I was reading, Claire's pain became so real that at times I had to come up for air and put the book down for a moment. A mother myself, I could only imagine the depths of Claire's despair. Just as heartbreaking was knowing how much Claire loved Jim, but how hard she was finding it to reach out to him. As he fought giving in to his tears, she was craving crying with him.

Through Claire's journey, we not only see her coping with losing her daughter but we see pieces of her own childhood and learn about her relationship with Jim. With every tear, I became closer to Claire. I felt like I was reading the private journal of a dear friend. My only complaint is that I wish it had been longer, because I wanted to know how Claire was still doing years later. But this complaint stems from how much I cared about Claire.

If you appreciate a beautifully written, emotional story, please pick up a copy of Finding Lily. Just make sure you have a box of Kleenex beside you.

Note: I received a complimentary copy for review purposes. A positive review was not guaranteed or requested; the opinions expressed are my own.

[Rebecca Graf · Rating 5 out of 5]

Here is the story of the pain one woman experiences after the loss of her newborn just hours after she is born. A birth defect takes the small life as she enjoys the warmth and comfort of her mother's arms. Now, the parents have to cope with the loss.

Let me tell you that this is an emotional read. I struggled with getting through it only because I'd find myself crying. Then I'd put the book aside and pick it up the next day. I tend to get very involved in the stories I read.

The POV is from the grieving mother who is staying at a friends house (lighthouse). She couldn't stay in the house with the nursery and all the memories of Lily, her child who is now gone. She deals with the pain each day as she also remembers when she first met her husband and analyses their relationship which is on the edge right then. Her time spent grieving is also her time looking at her marriage and herself.

You'll find that this book is very emotional and very deep. It could easily be a great read for a book club or just to talk about between friends. If you have experienced the loss of a child, be aware of the intensity of this book. I hate warning people away from a good book, but you might want to think twice about this one if you have been in that situation.

Wonderful book. The characters are deep with many facets. The story is slower than a thriller because you are dealing with emotions and thoughts rather than action. I highly recommend this book for you.


Note: I received this book as part of a book tour with no expectations of a positive review.

[Brandee (un)Conventional Bookworms · Rating 4 out of 5]

Finding Lily is a tender and touching journey through a young woman's grief following the loss of her child.

Claire and Jim had been envisioning a happy and fulfilling future with their daughter. Instead, they are drowning in their grief. This puts a strain on their relationship, particularly as Claire feels Jim isn't grieving along with her. So she escapes to the lighthouse in an attempt to put her life back in order.

The lighthouse is a character in its own right in this story. Claire grew up visiting the lighthouse and its beach every summer. The lighthouse has played an important role in her life, so it seems fitting she stay there while working through her grief. The lighthouse seems to have a history is saving people. And it's here that Claire is able to see things in a new light and fight through the emotions that have been immobilizing her.

Finding Lily is an emotional read. As a mother, this story felt very realistic. I sympathized with Claire in her struggle to deal with Lily's death. I think Ms. Ellis was true to the plight parents would face with the loss of a child. I loved Claire's narration, loved getting to know her and Jim, and traveling the emotional ups and downs with her. In the end, Claire's story left me hopeful and very satisfied.

[Teddy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Claire brought forth emotions in me I didn't know I had. That of a mother losing her child. Lily had a very short life as an infant and both Lily and her husband, Jim grieve for their loss. However, Jim feels very cold and distant to Claire, she wants him to share his feeling but he can't.

Claire decides to go stay at the lighthouse where her and Jim met to try to work through her grief along. She had always been drawn to the lighthouse since she was a little girl and it called for her to live there for awhile.

Claire met some interesting characters while living at the lighthouse but most of the time she was alone, so this book was mostly narrative. I usually prefer a lot of character interaction however, the structure of Finding Lily worked well for me despite that. Claire had to be alone to work through her feelings and to find a way to say goodbye to Lily.

I found Finding Lily to be a refreshing change of pace to challenge me on what I may do if I were in Claire's position. It was suprising to me how much the narative style drew me in. I commend Lisa Ellis for the well written story and hopes she keeps working at her craft. I highly recommend Finding Lily!

[Yvann S · Rating 2 out of 5]

Claire Edwards has spent months preparing for the arrival of baby Lily; the Boston apartment she shares with her stalwart husband Jim is filled with tiny clothes and tiny toys. But when Lily dies suddenly, Claire runs away from her life, away from Boston, to a lighthouse she knew as a young girl. The lighthouse brings her the solitude and peace she craves, but also the chance for some happier memories with Lily.

This is really a meditation on love, marriage and motherhood, in a very delicate and gentle voice. Claire's relationship with Jim has undergone all sorts of strains and Ellis carefully draws them apart and allows them to drift back towards each other over time. Claire's pain at Lily's loss, her lack of maternal identity and inexpressible grief were carefully drawn. Lily's presence is felt throughout the storyline.

There were also some fascinating minor characters with whom I would have liked to spend more time, particularly Diana, the single mother living nearby assisting an old woman in her house; she was sympathetic and intriguing.

[Krystal Milton · Rating 4 out of 5]

One of the most heartbreaking occurrences in life is to lose a child. While the storyline brought me to tears, I followed Claire as she struggled to grasp the inevitable, her crumbling marriage, her grief and her future.

Who could really see what their future will be when they have lost something as close to their soul in nature so drastically? I loved the flow of Lisa’s writing style and how she capitalized on the exploration of grief and loss and how it affects one’s life, relationships and purpose.

It was a delicate topic to touch but she did so eloquently. This is definitely a book where tissues should be close at hand. It is also one that opens the mind to situations and occurrences one would not dream possible, but knows it happens. I loved this read.

[Amerynth · Rating 3 out of 5]

In the interest of full disclosure, I received a free copy of Lisa D. Ellis' debut novel "Finding Lily."

This short novel is narrated by Claire, a woman who grieves the loss of her newborn baby by running off to live in a friend's lighthouse. She is torn apart by her loss and angry with her husband Jim who grieves in a totally different manner.

There is a solid emotional core to the book, which is well-written. The characters are interesting, particularly the secondary characters, but I wish they were fleshed out a bit more. Overall, I did like the book.