It's Not Your Fault: How healing Relationships Change Your Brain & Can Help You Overcome A Painful Past

by Patricia Romano McGraw

It's Not Your Fault, challenges conventional "wisdom" about healing from emotionally destructive traumas and abuse. Simply put, you can't think your way to happiness if you've suffered injuries as a child or youth. Yet every day, millions of adult Americans who suffer from emotionally devastating mistreatment at the hands of family members, friends, acquaintances, or strangers receive this dangerous message from a multi-billion dollar self-help industry. This engaging and highly readable book, based on the author's professional experience in treating those who suffer from the devastating effects of emotional trauma, offers hope for those who suffer and those who care about them. Dr. McGraw describes how trauma affects the brain and, therefore, one's ability to carry out 'good advice'; explains the subtle and hidden process of atunement and attachment that take place between parents and children, examining their impact on all future relationships; tells what is needed for healing to occur; discusses the profound health benefits of spirituality and a relationship with God in assisting and accelerating the healing process; and suggests how members of the helping professions can begin to tap the deepest, most authentic parts of themselves to touch the hearts of those they seek to help.

Genres: Self Help

1 pages, Kindle Edition

First published May 15, 2004

Reviews

[Travel Writing · Rating 2 out of 5]

Decent overall introduction to the effects of childhood trauma on adults. The book followed one patient of Dr. Romano Graw through therapy. It seemed a tad narrow to use one persons experience, and a horrific experience at that, for the entire book, but that may be a comfort to some readers.

Chapter 6: Belief, Blame, and God launches headlong into white-western-male-god and how he can solve all your problems. Was not remotely expecting that, but a perusal of the chapter titles prior to buying would have set me straight. The author is of the Bahai'i faith, but the majority of the chapter addressed or spoke of an all-male-white-dude-on-across, so that may work for a lot of folks.

With all the amazing trauma informed research being published, sans any god-stuff, this will probably be the only book of Dr. Romano McGraw's that I read, but it was informative in its own way.

[shrek · Rating 4 out of 5]

diff perspective, very informative and highly useful :-)

[Douglas Lord · Rating 4 out of 5]

Psychologist McGraw writes for anyone who has ever been disappointed by a shrink or a self-help book. Although she herself has joined the club that she dismisses here, she puts a novel spin on the self-help genre: people who are struggling to recover from a painful relationship--be it with a parent, child, lover, or friend--should not feel guilty for failing to fix themselves in ten steps. Just like injured muscles or bones, our brains need time to heal and replace damaging emotional experiences with new, healthy ones. Practitioners can help this process along, but they need to tone down the stiff medical posturing in favor of more empathy, attunement, and emotional connection; so can religion, briefly discussed in one chapter. McGraw shows her concern with an animated, professional tone, and rather than a cast of thousands, a single, exemplary patient--Kim--provides readers with a helpful model for healing. While careful to note that this approach is not for those suffering from mental illness or major/chemical depression, McGraw effectively demonstrates that long-term, empathetic attachment can heal. Readers will learn much about acceptance, especially if this book is used in conjunction with Heather Williams's thoughtful Drawing as a Sacred Activity: Simple Steps to Explore Your Feelings and Heal Your Consciousness.

Find reviews of books for men at Books for Dudes, Books for Dudes, the online reader's advisory column for men from Library Journal. Copyright Library Journal.

[David C. Mueller · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book address personal growth issues from the perspective of a
psychotherapist and practicing Baha'i with many years experience treating patients dealing with very difficult pasts. The author explains now only useful psychological principles, but also presents information about how our brain chemistry plays a key role in how we experience reality around us. Tools are described which can aid the reader is building healing
relationships. The author followed this book with "Seeking the Wisdom of the Heart: Reflections on the Seven Stages of Spiritual Development." This second book builds upon the material presented in the first while adding the dimension of searching for our true, spiritual selves. It suggests that the way we approach our relationship with God can be the key to creating a truly loving and compassionate relationship with ourselves. The author presents much of the book in the form of a journal documenting her personal growth but also includes questions for the reader to ponder and meditation exercises to practice.

[Carroll Straus · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's high time we--humans, Americans, thinking people, governments --and courts!!-- understood what shapes the brains and psyches of children. This book adds to this knowledge base GREATLY. Some may be offended that the author (a Baha'i) believes in God--I am not. I think this is a voice of reason and that those who rule out science OR the "higher power" are not.