Society as I Have Found It

by Ward McAllister

"Society As I Have Found It" by Ward McAllister offers a unique perspective on social life and customs in various settings. Through anecdotes and reflections, the author shares experiences from New York, London, and Italy, detailing encounters with notable individuals and observations on social events. The book delves into the intricacies of high society gatherings, social interactions, and the efforts required to host successful events in elite circles. With a focus on social etiquette, hosting, and culinary management, McAllister's narrative provides insights into the dynamics of social circles and the nuances of societal norms.

Genres: History, Memoir, Biography, Nonfiction, American History

132 pages, Kindle Edition

First published March 5, 2010

Reviews

[Lois · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is dated, specifically; this biography uses racial slurs as they were originally intended and features viewpoints that today are considered white nationalist.

As this is a biography of a slave owning Southern family, it's not really surprising. Ward McAllister was unabashedly a braggart and snob. This entire book is filled with small digs and unflattering portraits of his social circle. He's a social climber who created the social standard above what he himself could've obtained by virtue of his talents or birth.

These were nasty folks and this is a glimpse into the extremely competitive and cutthroat social circle of the Gilded Age Robber Barons.

This doesn't age well. It's not amusing or interesting. Ward was a small, petty, insecure man who wished he was born into the British Peerage and attempted to create a similar situation in Gilded Age primarily in New York and Newport. This probably won't interest casual readers of history or fans of HBO's The Gilded Age. I would recommend Glitz, Glam, and a Damn Good Time: How Mamie Fish, Queen of the Gilded Age, Partied Her Way to Power by Jennifer Wright, To Marry An English Lord by Gail MacColl and Carol Wallace, and The Husband Hunters by Anne de Courcy. All of these are written to be accessible to lay readers of history and explain this era it's politics and players.

[Nicole Marie Story · Rating 3 out of 5]

A divinely fascinating read! This account of nineteenth century social life as written by the right hand man of the famous Mrs. Astor is everything that I expected: flamboyant, extravagant, and fabulous! Mr. McAllister's attention to detail is extraordinary, and I simply very much enjoyed learning about the rules and requirements of social engagements, especially about how the President of the United States enters a dinner party! I learnt of this book by listening to the official Gilded Age podcast. Furthermore I must add that Nathan Lane's performance as Mr. McAllister in the HBO show could not more perfectly match the tone that is depicted in this first person narrative of the man himself.

[Valeri · Rating 2 out of 5]

My goodness what a bore. At 125 pages this should have been a quick read but it took ages to get through each page of what sounds like made up stories and encounters. And if not entirely made up, surely they are greatly exaggerated. There are hardly and dates in this book so it’s hard to understand the timeline of when things were happening. Also, confused as to how this book got him ostracized from “society”. He didn’t even say anything bad about them, just mentioned how expensive and grand everything was. And if I have to hear about Madeira one more time, so help me….

[Cecily Wolfe · Rating 5 out of 5]

Perfect for research on my Cliff Walk Courtships series.

[Andie Edwards · Rating 3 out of 5]

Mr. Ward McAllister’s novel was long winded, braggadocious, arrogant, self-praising, and a wake call about American aristocracy. I can clearly see how he began to have financial difficulties, given that he lived a life of luxury, decadence, wealth, and total utter privilege. He is a wine connoisseur, mainly Madeira, and he definitely enjoys the finer things in life.
If anyone wishes to know anything about American aristocracy in the 1880s, then this novel is a great introduction for it, but Mr. McAllister is not the end all be all for American aristocracy, merely a window into it.

[Barb Coates · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fans of The Gilded Age will enjoy this entertaining peek behind the curtain of the mores and manners of Society in the late 19th century. More of a “how to” rather than a “tell all”, McAllister explains in detail the ways in which one should entertain one’s guests to achieve social triumph. Madeira, truffles, the opening quadrille, and a balanced guest list feature prominently throughout. Couldn’t help but read the entire account with Nathan Lane’s voice as the narrator (which made it even better!).

[B. · Rating 1 out of 5]

The author describes his grandmother extracting from her son a promise to free enslaved people that his family held captive as a financial punishment against the author's indebted father for marrying a woman the grandmother did not like. In other words, the father would not have freed anyone but for a promise to his angry mother. The author puts particular stress on how this impacted his father's finances.

I could not stomach the description and did not finish the book.

[Carol · Rating 1 out of 5]

Very boring , badly written crap

[Rory G. · Rating 3 out of 5]

Amusing, funny, fluffy account of high society social life from 1850-90 (approx.) in Newport, New York, and, at times, Europe and Washington. The man rubbed elbows with US presidents and Vanderbilts alike, and I’m glad that this firsthand account exists.

As I said, it’s very fluffy—he doesn’t touch on anything controversial or emotional. It’s really a collection of dinner table anecdotes, which seems, to me, a medium very appropriate to his subject! (Half of which is dinners and balls)

PS it’s obviously dated and bigoted and racist.

[Francesca · Rating 1 out of 5]

Listened on audiobook and kept zoning out and replaying for most of it until I gave up. As someone who doesn’t care for wine or champagne, about 99% of the book didn’t hold my attention. 1% spent on drivel and the only interesting thing was the small sliver of girls entering society and social rankings of party hosting. I think the GA writers led us astray by implying this book was a bombshell. Even back then it could not have been. Very few names dropped and nothing negative about those named. Should have read the review first before losing 6h of time. Even on sped up play, it was toooo long

[Cynthia · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was expecting something terrible based on the reviews, but I had to read the book that disgraced McAllister enough to see him ousted from society. What I got was an entertaining predecessor to the fake internet stories where everybody claps at the end. I know the majority of the anecdotes in this book are most likely highly exaggerated if they happened at all, but it was a fun, light read, with good descriptions of life in Gilded Age society. I might have rated it lower if my expectations had been higher.

[Karyn · Rating 3 out of 5]

As THE book that got this man banned from all popular society I went in thinking it was some tell all, especially after watching the episode of the Gilded Age. I would say 75% of the book was spent talking about food, 20% about travel and 5% hovering over people without really talking about them. It was so vague I don’t really see what the big deal was. In this day and age it seems as tame as a gold fish.

[Patrick Muldowney · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not as scandalous as I was led to believe; but a fascinating look into late 19th Century etiquette, with rules and regulations for serving various popular wines of the day, including notable vintages, as well as several forms of calling cards, and formal and informal responses of acceptance or regret to various social functions. Another interesting note was the facsimiles of menus from Paris, New York, and Newport from 1890

[Marilyn Tucci · Rating 1 out of 5]

As a fan of The Gilded Age it was difficult for me to avoid Ward McAllister’s book at the low Kindle price of $1.95. Based on the reaction of Mrs. Astor’s and her society herd, I expected to read a lot more gossip. Save your $1.95 unless you are interested in how McAllister developed the list of 400, how to select a fine Madeira or organize/host a successful dinner party or ball.

[Jeanne Beaudet · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a fascinating read mainly because of the swelled head of the author. The right hand man to THE Mrs. Astor in running New York Society, he views things that we would never consider important today. It gives insight into an era that is long gone. I loved it.

[Kirsty Brown · Rating 1 out of 5]

Read because if the Gilded age and was expecting some juicy gossip but was just boring ramblings of a pompous git. No wonder the miners were unionising if this is society as the rich were finding it 🫣

[The Katie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I realize this was scandalous for the time, but it just seemed like a self-congratulating memoir.

For a man who was married, I heard no mention of the wife, only in-laws and he seemed to be a bit of a braggart.

[Judy Owens · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a great look back at the Gilded Age, and Ward McAllister saw it. Witty, urbane - a keen observer. He paid a high price for his observations, but I'm glad that he wrote about his life in that extraordinary time.

[R.E. Admore · Rating 3 out of 5]

There are a few interesting tidbits in this book, but it is not a deep dive into the American culture of the upper class. If you want a more analytical, deep, and interesting look at history of this time period, you might look at "North America" by Anthony Trollope. If you want to know about the balls and picnics of New York and Newport, or the extravagant dinners and decorations at Delmonico's, this book is a trove of information. There are even menus, invitations, RSVP's, calling cards, and other communication examples included by the author. If you are a writer of historical fiction you are sure to find some authentic material here.

Want to know the wine of the day? Madeira. A prized ingredient on the menu? Canvasback duck or terrapin. What order should diners move to the dining room? It depends. The most fashionable dance? The quadrille. How to frappe (chill) champagne? Yep, that is in here too, along with advice on how to give the best balls, dinners, and picnics to society's elite millionaire class and one President of the United States.

"If you want to be fashionable, be always in the company of fashionable people." I thought the idea was to be more fashionable than your company?

"Parch and grind your coffee the day you drink it. Always buy green coffee." Of course you don't do this, your servants do.

"In the last six years Swedish women cooks have come over here, and are excellent, and by some supposed to be better than chefs. No woman, in my opinion, can give as finished a dinner as a man." Ha. Well, he did say in his opinion, not that it was fact.

"I myself once lost a charming friend by giving a better soup than he did. His wife rushed home from my house, and in despair, throwing up her hands to her husband, exclaimed, “Oh! what a soup!” Be forewarned! Entertaining is a cutthroat enterprise.

"The mistake made by the world at large is that fashionable people are selfish, frivolous, and indifferent to the welfare of their fellow-creatures; all of which is a popular error, arising simply from a want of knowledge of the true state of things." I wouldn't know, because they never invite me to their parties. But I'm sure they are all fine people, at least, I've known a few who were.

[Timothy Grubbs · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting…but I expected it to be more gossipy…

Society as I have found it by Ward McAllister is a memoir by a former influencer in the gilded age….one who claimed credit for the importance placed on new home society…

I expected there to be more salacious stuff than there actually was…

Don’t get me wrong, I rather enjoyed the background Ward McAllister gave himself and his family from Savanah to San Francisco to Europe and beyond…

Ward’s rather stress free early life isn’t the kind to create a heroic figure, but at least he’s colorful in his descriptions.

His travels and vacations in Europe clearly played a larger role in his later work in New York, but outside of a few key titles figures (nobility) most of his associates and encounters are with unnamed poorly described folk that I doubt anyone could identify (assuming his stories are even true).

The last third of the book covers his return to the United States and his efforts to build uk New York society. This also has the second cause of giving new importance to Newport Rhode Island (where Ward spent many early days…and where others would often rent farmhouses for the summer).

At times it reads like a society “dos and donts” of hosting dinner parties…as well as breaking down how certain parties were planned and who do the inviting. The fact that it started as a sort of pyramid scheme of who you knew (and certain people could only invite a fixed humans) says a lot about how things played out in the late 19th century.

Still…considering a majority of the book is set in Ward’s pre New York…and the New York portions are hardly the stuff of rumor mills and salacious innuendo…well I was hoping for me.

As a note, I listened to this via audiobook…

[Eileen]

From Wikipedia:

"Samuel Ward McAllister (December 28, 1827 – January 31, 1895) was a popular arbiter of social taste in the Gilded Age of late 19th-century America. He was widely accepted as the authority as to which families could be classified as the cream of New York society (the Four Hundred)."

Published in 1890.

TABLE OF CONTENTS:
Introduction and Author's Note
Chapter 1 - My Family
Chapter 2 - Law and Housekeeping
Chapter 3 - Introduction to London Sports
Chapter 4 - A Winter in Italy
Chapter 5 - Germany and the Alps
Chapter 6 - Winter in Pau
Chapter 7 - Homemaking
Chapter 8 - Merrymaking in the South
Chapter 9 - Life at Newport
Chapter 10 - Society's Leaders
Chapter 11 - Delights of Country Life
Chapter 12 - Fashionable People
Chapter 13 - Cotillions In Doors and Out
Chapter 14 - An Era of Great Extravagance
Chapter 15 - On the Box Seat at Newport
Chapter 16 - Social Unity
Chapter 17 - A Golden Age of Feasting
Chapter 18 - Entering Society
Chapter 19 - Entertaining
Chapter 20 - Madeiras
Chapter 21 - Champagnes and Other Wines
Chapter 22 - Dinners
Chapter 23 - Cooks and Catering
Chapter 24 - Balls
Chapter 25 - Famous Newport Balls
Chapter 26 - An Era of Extravagance
Chapter 27 - Washington Dinners and New York Balls

[Jackie Caldwell · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found this book really interesting. The ball stuff got pretty dull after a while though. At first it sounded cool but eventually I was like, you know, going to ball after ball after ball after ball after ball eating turtle after turtle after turtle after turtle, drinking Mar-whatever-the-kind-of-wine-he-likes-is-called after wine after wine after wine sounds pretty exhausting. Like spending a month or two living this lifestyle sounds fascinating and fun. But I can't even imagine doing it for years.
I almost want to give this four stars cause there's a lot of really interesting historical stuff in here. I'd totally recommend reading this book overall; I did enjoy it and there's a ton of fun info. But yeah some parts are repetitive.
I found the food stuff the most interesting. Like around 2/3 of the way in he gives all these detailed instructions about fancy 19th century dinners. Really enjoyed that part.

[Russ Olsen · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read this book because McAllister is a character in the TV series The Gilded Age, and the book itself plays a part in the plot.

This book is certainly a mixed blessing. On the positive side, the writing is remarkably clear for a book that was published almost a century and a half ago. And McAllister does describe his world (the high society of New York in the second half of the 19th century) with energy.

On the other hand, McAllister is clearly a supporter of the racist, sexist and classist views that were common in his day. While it's wasted effort to get mad at people from the past who simply signed up to what everyone "knows," McAllister is still a hard person to like: In order to read this book you not only need to get past the racism and sexism and you also need to resign yourself to spending a few hours with a world class self-absorbed snob.

As I say, a very mixed blessing.

[Diana Trabaris · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5 stars

If you are reading this book hoping for juicy scandals from the gilded age, I wouldn’t recommend it. (Which is surprising since this book made him an outcast?? I can’t imagine why lol). If you go into this book just expecting a detailed account of how to be a part of upper class society back then, then it has its interesting moments for sure. There are definitely parts that are boring (like the huge list of what year vintages are best for which kinds of wine), and it is so dense!
Although it’s such a short book, it really took me a long time to get through it and it was like pulling teeth to get myself to finish it, but it was generally sort of interesting and could be a great reference for that time period.

[Carolyn Payne · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ward McAllister came across as an insufferable braggart. No wonder society shunned him after this book. He took credit for everything that went well and claimed he warned others before everything that went poorly.

[V]

So sweet. I love a happy ending. And I love the octopus.

[Barbu Andreea · Rating 5 out of 5]

You'll love this work if you're a fan of the Gilded Age period!

[Phuong · Rating 2 out of 5]

Read this due to its reference in Vanderbilt... very boasty

[Candice Bridgerton · Rating 4 out of 5]

I like this book. Im a big fan of The Gilded Age

[Charlotte Nuyens · Rating 3 out of 5]

Audible