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Alexandra Feodorovna Diaries and Correspondence: Volume III The Young Empress 1895 - 1905
265 pages, Hardcover
Published May 2, 2024
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January 5, 2026
letters are so intimate its crazy.
i loved the inclusion of some pictures, because it was so cool to see a picture of a person right next to a letter they wrote in the same year. it adds some life i think. i like how alexandra abbreviates words, its funny to see which have come back (tho, yr) and which haven't (wh for which or fr for from)
the letters from alexandra to her mother-in-law were super interesting to me, because in all the books i've read it seems like they had a rocky relationship. at least enough that in the end maria kind of blamed alexandra for everything bad that happened. so it's sweet but also sad to read alexandra's letters to her, its so clear that she really wants maria to like and love her, both as the wife of her son, but also as her own child because she had been motherless for most of her life:
“Alexandra to Maria Feodorovna [1899]
How I long to tell you all I feel for you, but I cannot find the words to express all my tender love for you and compassion. I am stupid and stiff and cannot show all I feel, but I love you fondly as my darling little Mother, and only wish I could be of some help and comfort.
Mother dear, won’t you bless me too at night as one of your own children. I have no parents of my own, you are that now, and it would make me feel much more as one of your own, is it asking too much, you won’t be angry will you, Dear?”
but aside from that it was mostly letters between alexandra and nicholas, or alexandra and nicholas's sister xenia, who she seemed pretty close with. They address each other in their letters as Hen and Chicken, which i thought was cute. there was some intimate family stuff that was so sweet it hurt my heart, like nicholas giving his grandfather a gift:
“Nicholas II to Alexandra [1898]
In town in one of the shops I found a pretty green-enamelled frame in the shape of a heart, like that, with dear Amama’s portrait, so I gave it to Apapa when we came home from the funeral. I was happy to see it gave him pleasure and I was so touched by the way he thanked me for it.”
and alexandra getting 'big sister' advice from her older sister ella:
“Elisaveta Feodorovna to Alexandra [1898]
May the time in Petersburg go off well and happily, not too tiring and may you appear as Mama’s real Sunshine so that all will have the joy of knowing you now - a smile, a word and all will adore you. [...] Grin, smile until your mouth aches but remember for that, others carry home a happy impression and once they know your smile, they don’t forget. First impressions are always grave - you are so handsome, majestic and beautiful, it is easy for you to please - remember Aunt Alix and Minny’s kind smiles, be known for yours. The world speaks of your beauty and your brains, and now let them see your heart which they wish for in Russia and will read in your eyes.”
idk that stuff just felt so real and personal, i loved it.
some other highlights:
“Alexandra to Maria Feodorovna [1895]
On Saturday we are off to Peterhof and I am so happy to go there and see all the places where I used to play with the Cousins and where darling Nicky already made such an impression on me, tho’ I was only a little thing. Every day I love him more, he is such an angel to me and we both are rejoicing to see our sweet Motherdear soon again.”
“Alexandra to Maria Feodorovna [1896]
Poor Baby’s arm is very bad, but thank God she has no fievre and the Dr is quite satisfied. She is very restless, cries and smiles alternately. It is fearful to hear One’s child cry and not be able to help it - walking about soothes her the most.”
“Alexandra to Maria Feodorovna [1896]
I cannot express in words all that I feel for you, nor my deep love, but I think you must be aware of it, words are to feeble to express one’s thoughts and feelings.”
“Alexandra to Xenia Alexandrovna [1897]
I know how awfully sad and lonely one feels when one returns to spots where one used to be so happy and to feel now that one who was so inexpressibly dear to one is no more there. I can well realize what his feelings must be, having myself already passed through the same. God will comfort and help him, but I wish one of you were there too, then you could speak to-gether of bygone happy days - alas I have no such remembrances to share with him.”
“Nicholas II to Alexandra [1898]
Not for a second does the vision of your angelic face leave my mind, and whatever I do, I always think you are somewhere near me! In the evenings we sit together and play cards, like in the afternoons - it happens to me even then to feel my eyes suddenly become moist and lump rise in my throat, all that because poor huzy is alone! Alone!”
“Alexandra Feodorovna to Nicholas II [1899]
My heart aches for you. I know how your night will be - could I have flown over to clasp you in my arms & to shower kisses upon you & to tell you of my great love & how it daily grows & grows, filling up my whole life. Could I but keep all sorrow from you - but it is God’s Will & we must bow under it without letting ourselves be crushed down. [...] But he, the dear boy is at peace & rest now, away from life’s sorrows & free from all suffering. One cannot wish him back again to continue his solitary life. I am sure that he & your darling Father are now nearer to you than ever”
“Alexandra to Maria Feodorovna [1899]
Having been with you all in that sad time made me feel more drawn to you than I can say and I only wish I could be of some help and use to you in your loneliness and sorrow. But I am sure that your Darlings are always near you and that they will be your guardian angels - they are happily united and are free from the worries and cares of this world - no illness or sadness is theirs any more - how glorious the day when we shall all see those dear faces again which we so tenderly loved on this earth.”
“Alexandra to Maria Feodorovna [1901]
It is so agreeable being out here in the quiet country, away from all those insupportable stories and gossiping. Really these last two years have brought so much worry to our darling Nicky and we can only pray to God to guide him safely through all and show him the road he is to follow. How difficult it always is to find true, honest and wise men for the different high places, I am sure they exist, only it is not easy to discover them.”
“Alexandra to Nicholas II [1901]
The weather is fine but windy. We were nearly blown away during prayers last night - the stars shone beautifully and I loved the idea that you too were standing on deck praying at the same time on the same sea.”
“Alexandra to Nicholas II [1902]
What good it does the people to see you, that you should not only be the Emperor of fiction, but that they carry yr living image in their loyal hearts. To see you and love you - one cannot otherwise, my own, own treasure, thank God that I belong to such an angel, whom I love daily more, and since our Friend even more, and in a yet fuller extent.”
“Nicholas II to Alexandra [1902]
Sweet lovy-mine, how sad and how hard it was saying good-bye yesterday. I felt I could not speak to you during the last moments for fear of bursting into tears.
Knowing that I was leaving you all alone (except the children) after such trying circumstances and with Ella too, made me more miserable than ever - I mean this separation is the most painful one we have had. But there is nothing to be done, God knows what is good for us, we must bow down our heads and repeat the sacred words ‘Thy will be done.’”
“Alexandra to Nicholas II [1904]
You think me daft with all these questions to wh you can give me no answer, as my letter will only reach you on Friday, but I have nobody reasonable to talk to, others one has always to be calming down when they get excited.”
“Alexandra to Nicholas II [1904]
The nights will be so long and dreary. I love to look at you when I cannot sleep and the room begins to get light. I am sure you will feel sad leaving yr little family and new born son, we shall count the hours till your return. I’ll try to be brave but my stupid nerves are still so weak that it’s more than I can do to keep those old tears back. Oh, how I love you. God alone knows how much.”
“Nicholas II to Alexandra [1904]
It was hard leaving yesterday, I had to gather all my will not to burst into tears. I was so astonished and touched by Olga’s behaviour, never for a moment did I think it was on account of me that she cried until you told me the reason. I begin to feel more lonely now without the children than before. An experienced old Papa, that’s what it is!!!”
i loved the inclusion of some pictures, because it was so cool to see a picture of a person right next to a letter they wrote in the same year. it adds some life i think. i like how alexandra abbreviates words, its funny to see which have come back (tho, yr) and which haven't (wh for which or fr for from)
the letters from alexandra to her mother-in-law were super interesting to me, because in all the books i've read it seems like they had a rocky relationship. at least enough that in the end maria kind of blamed alexandra for everything bad that happened. so it's sweet but also sad to read alexandra's letters to her, its so clear that she really wants maria to like and love her, both as the wife of her son, but also as her own child because she had been motherless for most of her life:
“Alexandra to Maria Feodorovna [1899]
How I long to tell you all I feel for you, but I cannot find the words to express all my tender love for you and compassion. I am stupid and stiff and cannot show all I feel, but I love you fondly as my darling little Mother, and only wish I could be of some help and comfort.
Mother dear, won’t you bless me too at night as one of your own children. I have no parents of my own, you are that now, and it would make me feel much more as one of your own, is it asking too much, you won’t be angry will you, Dear?”
but aside from that it was mostly letters between alexandra and nicholas, or alexandra and nicholas's sister xenia, who she seemed pretty close with. They address each other in their letters as Hen and Chicken, which i thought was cute. there was some intimate family stuff that was so sweet it hurt my heart, like nicholas giving his grandfather a gift:
“Nicholas II to Alexandra [1898]
In town in one of the shops I found a pretty green-enamelled frame in the shape of a heart, like that, with dear Amama’s portrait, so I gave it to Apapa when we came home from the funeral. I was happy to see it gave him pleasure and I was so touched by the way he thanked me for it.”
and alexandra getting 'big sister' advice from her older sister ella:
“Elisaveta Feodorovna to Alexandra [1898]
May the time in Petersburg go off well and happily, not too tiring and may you appear as Mama’s real Sunshine so that all will have the joy of knowing you now - a smile, a word and all will adore you. [...] Grin, smile until your mouth aches but remember for that, others carry home a happy impression and once they know your smile, they don’t forget. First impressions are always grave - you are so handsome, majestic and beautiful, it is easy for you to please - remember Aunt Alix and Minny’s kind smiles, be known for yours. The world speaks of your beauty and your brains, and now let them see your heart which they wish for in Russia and will read in your eyes.”
idk that stuff just felt so real and personal, i loved it.
some other highlights:
“Alexandra to Maria Feodorovna [1895]
On Saturday we are off to Peterhof and I am so happy to go there and see all the places where I used to play with the Cousins and where darling Nicky already made such an impression on me, tho’ I was only a little thing. Every day I love him more, he is such an angel to me and we both are rejoicing to see our sweet Motherdear soon again.”
“Alexandra to Maria Feodorovna [1896]
Poor Baby’s arm is very bad, but thank God she has no fievre and the Dr is quite satisfied. She is very restless, cries and smiles alternately. It is fearful to hear One’s child cry and not be able to help it - walking about soothes her the most.”
“Alexandra to Maria Feodorovna [1896]
I cannot express in words all that I feel for you, nor my deep love, but I think you must be aware of it, words are to feeble to express one’s thoughts and feelings.”
“Alexandra to Xenia Alexandrovna [1897]
I know how awfully sad and lonely one feels when one returns to spots where one used to be so happy and to feel now that one who was so inexpressibly dear to one is no more there. I can well realize what his feelings must be, having myself already passed through the same. God will comfort and help him, but I wish one of you were there too, then you could speak to-gether of bygone happy days - alas I have no such remembrances to share with him.”
“Nicholas II to Alexandra [1898]
Not for a second does the vision of your angelic face leave my mind, and whatever I do, I always think you are somewhere near me! In the evenings we sit together and play cards, like in the afternoons - it happens to me even then to feel my eyes suddenly become moist and lump rise in my throat, all that because poor huzy is alone! Alone!”
“Alexandra Feodorovna to Nicholas II [1899]
My heart aches for you. I know how your night will be - could I have flown over to clasp you in my arms & to shower kisses upon you & to tell you of my great love & how it daily grows & grows, filling up my whole life. Could I but keep all sorrow from you - but it is God’s Will & we must bow under it without letting ourselves be crushed down. [...] But he, the dear boy is at peace & rest now, away from life’s sorrows & free from all suffering. One cannot wish him back again to continue his solitary life. I am sure that he & your darling Father are now nearer to you than ever”
“Alexandra to Maria Feodorovna [1899]
Having been with you all in that sad time made me feel more drawn to you than I can say and I only wish I could be of some help and use to you in your loneliness and sorrow. But I am sure that your Darlings are always near you and that they will be your guardian angels - they are happily united and are free from the worries and cares of this world - no illness or sadness is theirs any more - how glorious the day when we shall all see those dear faces again which we so tenderly loved on this earth.”
“Alexandra to Maria Feodorovna [1901]
It is so agreeable being out here in the quiet country, away from all those insupportable stories and gossiping. Really these last two years have brought so much worry to our darling Nicky and we can only pray to God to guide him safely through all and show him the road he is to follow. How difficult it always is to find true, honest and wise men for the different high places, I am sure they exist, only it is not easy to discover them.”
“Alexandra to Nicholas II [1901]
The weather is fine but windy. We were nearly blown away during prayers last night - the stars shone beautifully and I loved the idea that you too were standing on deck praying at the same time on the same sea.”
“Alexandra to Nicholas II [1902]
What good it does the people to see you, that you should not only be the Emperor of fiction, but that they carry yr living image in their loyal hearts. To see you and love you - one cannot otherwise, my own, own treasure, thank God that I belong to such an angel, whom I love daily more, and since our Friend even more, and in a yet fuller extent.”
“Nicholas II to Alexandra [1902]
Sweet lovy-mine, how sad and how hard it was saying good-bye yesterday. I felt I could not speak to you during the last moments for fear of bursting into tears.
Knowing that I was leaving you all alone (except the children) after such trying circumstances and with Ella too, made me more miserable than ever - I mean this separation is the most painful one we have had. But there is nothing to be done, God knows what is good for us, we must bow down our heads and repeat the sacred words ‘Thy will be done.’”
“Alexandra to Nicholas II [1904]
You think me daft with all these questions to wh you can give me no answer, as my letter will only reach you on Friday, but I have nobody reasonable to talk to, others one has always to be calming down when they get excited.”
“Alexandra to Nicholas II [1904]
The nights will be so long and dreary. I love to look at you when I cannot sleep and the room begins to get light. I am sure you will feel sad leaving yr little family and new born son, we shall count the hours till your return. I’ll try to be brave but my stupid nerves are still so weak that it’s more than I can do to keep those old tears back. Oh, how I love you. God alone knows how much.”
“Nicholas II to Alexandra [1904]
It was hard leaving yesterday, I had to gather all my will not to burst into tears. I was so astonished and touched by Olga’s behaviour, never for a moment did I think it was on account of me that she cried until you told me the reason. I begin to feel more lonely now without the children than before. An experienced old Papa, that’s what it is!!!”
Displaying 1 of 1 review