But Then Something Happened: A Story of Everyday Dementia

by Chris Carling

When dementia hits a family they embark on an emotional journey. Destination unknown. 'BUT THEN SOMETHING A Story of Everyday Dementia' takes us on that emotional journey. Mum, Dad and two very grown up kids. An ordinary family hit hard by dementia. Mum and Dad both fall victim. Different kinds of dementia. Alzheimer's and vascular dementia. Different effects. Daughter, Chris, tells the story, falling into the role of the responsible adult in the family, everyone muddling along in a state of denial until one day 'something happens': a series of crises that lay bare the reality that both parents are losing their minds. How Mum and Dad become Mary and Fred, a couple nearing the end of a long love story. How feelings survive even as minds fail. How Chris takes on the role of go-between to help Mary and Fred sustain their marriage. How a love story can continue even in the Dementia Unit of a residential home. Even to the day Mary and Fred celebrate their Platinum Wedding Anniversary. Warm, intimate, honest and intensely depicting dementia not as a tragedy but as a phase of life lived by both sufferers and carers. Laughter as well as tears as the disease plays out day-to-day. One highly original chapter includes 'Ten scenes of joy and sadness' written as mini-dramas to illustrate how emotions can remain intact as dementia takes its course. The memoir is in two parts. In part One Chris tells the dramatic family story while Part Two is more reflective, a chance to stand back and ask questions such as why did we not see all this coming? The final chapter 'Learning from losses and (a few) gains' gives a lay person's experience of dementia in rich detail. Readers' comments 'Highly moving'; 'Written with great compassion and insight'; 'I could completely identify. It helped me a lot'.Show More Show Less

240 pages, Kindle Edition

First published July 30, 2012

Reviews

[Graham · Rating 4 out of 5]

A short but engrossing read about a writer who finds both of her similarly-aged parents suffering from different types of dementia at the same time. The book hits the ground running and soon moves the action into a care home, where it becomes a saga of failing physicality and memory and everyday life. It's simply written but extremely true to life because of that, and I soon found myself warming to Chris and the plight of both her and her parents. I did think that the last couple of chapters should have been at the beginning as they feel a bit plonked on at the end, but other than that this is a very good read.

[Wilde Sky · Rating 5 out of 5]

A woman describes the decline of her parents due to dementia.

I found this book very moving / thought provoking - anyone with elderly parents in care homes and / or reaching the end of their lives will probably recognise much of what is recounted in this book.

If you want to read one book on end of life / dementia I would recommend this one (above the others I’ve read).