What do you think?
Rate this book
Sa préférée
Dans ce village haut perché des montagnes valaisannes, tout se sait, et personne ne dit rien. Jeanne, la narratrice, apprend tôt à esquiver la brutalité perverse de son père. Un jour, pour une réponse péremptoire prononcée avec l’assurance de ses huit ans, il la tabasse. Convaincue que le médecin du village, appelé à son chevet, va mettre fin au cauchemar, elle est sidérée par son silence.
Dès lors, la haine de son père et le dégoût face à tant de lâcheté vont servir de viatique à Jeanne. À l’École normale d’instituteurs de Sion, puis à Lausanne, la jeune femme, que le moindre bruit fait toujours sursauter, trouve enfin une forme d’apaisement. Le plaisir de nager dans le lac Léman est le seul qu’elle s’accorde.
Habitée par sa rage d’oublier et de vivre, elle se laisse pourtant approcher par un cercle d’êtres bienveillants que sa sauvagerie n’effraie pas, s’essayant même à une vie amoureuse.
Dans une langue âpre, syncopée, Sarah Jollien-Fardel dit avec force le prix à payer pour cette émancipation à marche forcée. Car le passé inlassablement s’invite.
Dès lors, la haine de son père et le dégoût face à tant de lâcheté vont servir de viatique à Jeanne. À l’École normale d’instituteurs de Sion, puis à Lausanne, la jeune femme, que le moindre bruit fait toujours sursauter, trouve enfin une forme d’apaisement. Le plaisir de nager dans le lac Léman est le seul qu’elle s’accorde.
Habitée par sa rage d’oublier et de vivre, elle se laisse pourtant approcher par un cercle d’êtres bienveillants que sa sauvagerie n’effraie pas, s’essayant même à une vie amoureuse.
Dans une langue âpre, syncopée, Sarah Jollien-Fardel dit avec force le prix à payer pour cette émancipation à marche forcée. Car le passé inlassablement s’invite.
192 pages, Paperback
Published August 28, 2024
16 people are currently reading
1391 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 192 reviews
April 11, 2025
My Reviews Can Also Be Found On:
The Book Review Crew Blog
This story is about the relationship between two sisters; one is the unnamed narrator of the story, and the other is Adele, otherwise known as the favourite. Their mother reminded me so much of my own, emotionally unavailable and absent. My mother always says she doesn’t have a favourite and she loves all three of her children equally. My brother and sister and I do not have sibling rivalry as in this story.
I liked the beginning of the book; the resentment the narrator feels shines through the initial pages, and I felt for her. The different ways the sisters were treated sickened me, and I could feel the narrator’s inner turmoil. But as the book continues, the character development starts to feel shallow, and Adel’s life is just touched on via the narrator’s point of view. I wish we got more of Adel’s side of the story.
The pacing of the story is uneven, with a lot of internal dialogue and the going over of memories again and again. I know sometimes it can be a good thing to learn about the character, but they lacked a sense of where the story was going. It was hard to follow along. I wish their attempts to reconcile were more developed and less emotional, which is not usually the case for me. It felt more melodramatic than psychological. It was too simplistic and didn’t feel authentic enough. I found the ending to be very abrupt and unsatisfying. It tries to offer closure, but it lacked the emotional punch I was looking for. There was lots of unresolved tension that needed to be addressed.
The premise was compelling, but the author failed with character development and pacing. I wanted to learn more about family dynamics and the scars that abuse can leave. This was an underwhelming read for such heavy topical matter and was a missed opportunity to explore that. Maybe something got lost in translation?
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for the Advance Readers Copy.
The Book Review Crew Blog
This story is about the relationship between two sisters; one is the unnamed narrator of the story, and the other is Adele, otherwise known as the favourite. Their mother reminded me so much of my own, emotionally unavailable and absent. My mother always says she doesn’t have a favourite and she loves all three of her children equally. My brother and sister and I do not have sibling rivalry as in this story.
I liked the beginning of the book; the resentment the narrator feels shines through the initial pages, and I felt for her. The different ways the sisters were treated sickened me, and I could feel the narrator’s inner turmoil. But as the book continues, the character development starts to feel shallow, and Adel’s life is just touched on via the narrator’s point of view. I wish we got more of Adel’s side of the story.
The pacing of the story is uneven, with a lot of internal dialogue and the going over of memories again and again. I know sometimes it can be a good thing to learn about the character, but they lacked a sense of where the story was going. It was hard to follow along. I wish their attempts to reconcile were more developed and less emotional, which is not usually the case for me. It felt more melodramatic than psychological. It was too simplistic and didn’t feel authentic enough. I found the ending to be very abrupt and unsatisfying. It tries to offer closure, but it lacked the emotional punch I was looking for. There was lots of unresolved tension that needed to be addressed.
The premise was compelling, but the author failed with character development and pacing. I wanted to learn more about family dynamics and the scars that abuse can leave. This was an underwhelming read for such heavy topical matter and was a missed opportunity to explore that. Maybe something got lost in translation?
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for the Advance Readers Copy.
April 3, 2025
A heartbreaking story about trauma, forgiveness, and love, beautifully written.
September 5, 2022
Le premier roman de l’auteure Valaisanne Sarah Jollien-Fardel met en scène une famille dans un petit village du canton suisse, où le père exerce une violence quotidienne sur la mère et les deux filles, laissant une trace indélébile sur Jeanne, la plus jeune, qui nous raconte son histoire des années plus tard, alors qu'elle tente de reconstruire sa vie à Lausanne.
L'écrivaine réussit à imprégner sa prose de la force de la colère et du rythme soigné d'un texte raffiné, où la hâte et l'urgence donnent au récit son sens propre. Les personnages, parfaitement délimités, apportent des éléments qui nourrissent l'histoire. La haine de Jeanne pour son père, qu'elle ne parvient pas à pardonner à la fin, contraste avec l'immense amour et la compassion qu'elle éprouve pour sa mère. La douleur de la perte de sa sœur aînée est aggravée par ses relations avec une femme et un homme, et son incapacité à choisir, ce qui façonnera son caractère tout au long du roman.
Lorsque le livre se termine, il semble que l'auteure nous laisse en suspens pour imaginer, en bons lecteurs, la véritable fin de l'histoire de Jeanne.
L'écrivaine réussit à imprégner sa prose de la force de la colère et du rythme soigné d'un texte raffiné, où la hâte et l'urgence donnent au récit son sens propre. Les personnages, parfaitement délimités, apportent des éléments qui nourrissent l'histoire. La haine de Jeanne pour son père, qu'elle ne parvient pas à pardonner à la fin, contraste avec l'immense amour et la compassion qu'elle éprouve pour sa mère. La douleur de la perte de sa sœur aînée est aggravée par ses relations avec une femme et un homme, et son incapacité à choisir, ce qui façonnera son caractère tout au long du roman.
Lorsque le livre se termine, il semble que l'auteure nous laisse en suspens pour imaginer, en bons lecteurs, la véritable fin de l'histoire de Jeanne.
March 25, 2023
Ça faisait vraiment longtemps que j’avais pas fini un livre en pleurant, tiens
October 11, 2024
vrlo uvjerljivo (nisam uspjela naći informaciju je li ovo autobiografski tekst), snažno i duboko. sarah jollien-fardel hrabro se prihvatila jedne od najzahtjevnijih tema: obiteljskog nasilja i pristupila joj kao borbi u ringu, pofajtala se do kraja. nije lako čitati tako eksplicitne i brutalne opise nasilnog muškarca koji svoji bijes i nezadovoljstvo iskaljuje na maloljetnim kćerima i na nemoćnoj supruzi, ali autorica te vodi kroz priču balansirajući s nježno, pažljivo i poetično složenim rečenicama, sprečavajući da se udaviš u zlu.
kratko, ali potresno i žestoko.
kratko, ali potresno i žestoko.
October 7, 2022
J'avais hâte de lire ce livre, encore une étape de mon parcours de la rentrée littéraire 2022. J'en connaissais son sujet difficile. Il est difficile d'expliquer où le livre a manqué de m'atteindre car j'ai trouvé que l'autrice arrivait à retranscrire le trauma avec des mots souvent justes. Je pense que la prose très chargée (et belle) a provoqué une distance avec les évènements et les personnages. Les personnages secondaires n'existent pas vraiment mais c'est peut-être un parti pris, pour isoler encore plus le personnage principal. J'ai vécu le livre un peu comme une fièvre ou un cauchemar, souvent terrifiant, beau, et confus...
May 17, 2025
This might be only the second book by a Swiss author I’ve ever read, and what an introduction to the country it is. Far from the image of a rich biscuit tin Alpine fairy-tale, we are introduced to a rural world of economically disadvantaged, socially conservative, hardened people. The story focuses on Jeanne’s abusive environment - her father drinks, he beats his wife and children, and he sexually assaults one of his daughters. Everybody in town knows what is going on, and everybody turns a blind eye. We follow Jeanne’s journey to an independent adulthood in Lausanne, but in her head, she is still trapped in her village, under the tyranny of her father.
I loved the sparse and reserved prose of this novel. The narrative voice singularly focuses on Jeanne, and we get a very clear picture of her personality - acerbic, emotionally distant, and bitter. The novel has a very strong sense of place and time. Jollien-Fardel’s rural Switzerland really comes to life. Jeanne’s relationship with class is explored with nuance and clarity. At first, she is drawn into and won over by the world and the attitudes of her first girlfriend, Charlotte, only to be faced with visceral disappointment at its banality. Jeanne’s sister and especially mother’s interaction with their abuser, their entrapment in the cycle of abuse and the mother’s refusal to leave follow some of the familiar molds of domestic abuse narratives, but they are executed well.
I wish the novel was shorter than it is. The discussions of class are interesting, but they get a little bit repetitive halfway through the novel. The exclusive focus on Jeanne leaves some of the other characters in the shadows. Charlotte is a caricature, and Marianne, Jeanne’s saintly second girlfriend, is a blank slate with no personality of her own. The novel would have been stronger and less problematic without the male love interest. An ungenerous reading of the love life plot of the novel reveals a problematic narrative in which Jeanne is queer because of the abuse she received from her dad - women seem safer - but she only truly feels physical attraction to men. The moment an appropriate penis comes her way, she is magically sexually awoken from her lesbian slumber.
Thank you The Indigo Press for a lovely advanced reader copy.
I loved the sparse and reserved prose of this novel. The narrative voice singularly focuses on Jeanne, and we get a very clear picture of her personality - acerbic, emotionally distant, and bitter. The novel has a very strong sense of place and time. Jollien-Fardel’s rural Switzerland really comes to life. Jeanne’s relationship with class is explored with nuance and clarity. At first, she is drawn into and won over by the world and the attitudes of her first girlfriend, Charlotte, only to be faced with visceral disappointment at its banality. Jeanne’s sister and especially mother’s interaction with their abuser, their entrapment in the cycle of abuse and the mother’s refusal to leave follow some of the familiar molds of domestic abuse narratives, but they are executed well.
I wish the novel was shorter than it is. The discussions of class are interesting, but they get a little bit repetitive halfway through the novel. The exclusive focus on Jeanne leaves some of the other characters in the shadows. Charlotte is a caricature, and Marianne, Jeanne’s saintly second girlfriend, is a blank slate with no personality of her own. The novel would have been stronger and less problematic without the male love interest. An ungenerous reading of the love life plot of the novel reveals a problematic narrative in which Jeanne is queer because of the abuse she received from her dad - women seem safer - but she only truly feels physical attraction to men. The moment an appropriate penis comes her way, she is magically sexually awoken from her lesbian slumber.
Thank you The Indigo Press for a lovely advanced reader copy.
February 2, 2023
tout simplement bouleversant… les mots choisis sont justes, l’histoire est violente mais l’autrice nous embaume.
« À la place, infuser dans les limbes de mon chaos.
Demeurer dans cette destructrice intranquillité. Je ne m'en arracherai. » 🖤
« À la place, infuser dans les limbes de mon chaos.
Demeurer dans cette destructrice intranquillité. Je ne m'en arracherai. » 🖤
August 16, 2023
c'était lesbophobe au possible
March 11, 2025
Thank you NetGalley and Indigo Press for providing the arc! This was a really hard book, a woman is healing from her abusive home, specifically from her abusive father.
The main character is hard to connect with and yet you feel so so hard for her. And watching her unravel is…WOOF.
This book definitely is a character driven book, and HEAVILY deals with abuse. So if those things are not for you, I would steer clear of this. Otherwise I think it was an engaging book that was outside of my comfort zone.
The main character is hard to connect with and yet you feel so so hard for her. And watching her unravel is…WOOF.
This book definitely is a character driven book, and HEAVILY deals with abuse. So if those things are not for you, I would steer clear of this. Otherwise I think it was an engaging book that was outside of my comfort zone.
March 24, 2023
Un roman poignant et un texte qui vibre de violence, de haine, et de peur.
Jeanne a grandi dans un village montagnard sous le règne d'un père violent qui brutalise sans répit sa femme et ses deux filles. Voisins et proches étaient au courant mais ne faisaient rien pour les aider, l'espoir de Jeanne en le docteur du village éclate en mille morceaux le jour où "Le" Docteur ferme les yeux se fait complice du bourreau.
Notre protagoniste fait tout son possible pour s'extraire à son milieu pour se faire une nouvelle vie mais les cicatrices indélébiles d'une enfance tourmentée ne disparaitront pas comme par enchantement. Incapable de se sentir en sécurité, sursautant à chaque bruit lui rappelant son cauchemar, Jeanne vit un véritable enfer, et pour couronner le tout, sa vie sentimentale est un désastre. Ne sachant pas choisir entre un homme et une femme, son état empire. La haine qu'elle voue à son père est diamétralement opposée à l'amour qu'elle port pour sa mère, cette femme effacée qui quittera ce monde avec la violence dans laquelle elle a vécu.
Le sujet choisi par l'autrice est difficile, mais la force de sa plume et surtout les personnages qu'elle a dépeint ont conféré au texte, non seulement, de la solidité mais aussi tellement de crédibilité qu'on se demande comment les gens qui, je ne dirais pas vivent, mais plutôt survivent ainsi, arrivent à faire face quotidiennement, en plus de leurs fardeaux, aux différents tracas de la vie.
Une belle lecture, où les tourments se mêlent à une haine féroce et une incapacité handicapante de pardonner et de mener une vie ordinaire. Je recommande vivement.
Jeanne a grandi dans un village montagnard sous le règne d'un père violent qui brutalise sans répit sa femme et ses deux filles. Voisins et proches étaient au courant mais ne faisaient rien pour les aider, l'espoir de Jeanne en le docteur du village éclate en mille morceaux le jour où "Le" Docteur ferme les yeux se fait complice du bourreau.
Notre protagoniste fait tout son possible pour s'extraire à son milieu pour se faire une nouvelle vie mais les cicatrices indélébiles d'une enfance tourmentée ne disparaitront pas comme par enchantement. Incapable de se sentir en sécurité, sursautant à chaque bruit lui rappelant son cauchemar, Jeanne vit un véritable enfer, et pour couronner le tout, sa vie sentimentale est un désastre. Ne sachant pas choisir entre un homme et une femme, son état empire. La haine qu'elle voue à son père est diamétralement opposée à l'amour qu'elle port pour sa mère, cette femme effacée qui quittera ce monde avec la violence dans laquelle elle a vécu.
Le sujet choisi par l'autrice est difficile, mais la force de sa plume et surtout les personnages qu'elle a dépeint ont conféré au texte, non seulement, de la solidité mais aussi tellement de crédibilité qu'on se demande comment les gens qui, je ne dirais pas vivent, mais plutôt survivent ainsi, arrivent à faire face quotidiennement, en plus de leurs fardeaux, aux différents tracas de la vie.
Une belle lecture, où les tourments se mêlent à une haine féroce et une incapacité handicapante de pardonner et de mener une vie ordinaire. Je recommande vivement.
December 18, 2023
Eine brutale, sehr explizite innerfamiliäre Gewalterzählung. Persönlich bin ich mit der zentralen Liebesgeschichte nicht gut zurecht gekommen, abgesehen davon ein gut verstörendes Buch.
Mehr zum Buch in unserer ausführlichen Besprechung @ Papierstau Podcast: Folge 245: Ab an die Landstraße
Mehr zum Buch in unserer ausführlichen Besprechung @ Papierstau Podcast: Folge 245: Ab an die Landstraße
February 28, 2025
toute la violence de ce livre se résume à son titre, merci pour ce personnage de jeanne cabossé, monstrueux et profondément touchant. c’était si beau dans la douleur, si bien écrit
« Moi, je suis née morte »
« j'ai vécu un jour derrière l'autre sans qu'aucun ait pu effacer la peur et la rage de mon enfance. Ce n'est pas grand-chose pourtant, une enfance. Mais c'est tout ce qui subsiste pour moi. Je ne sais pas me réfugier ailleurs »
« Moi, je suis née morte »
« j'ai vécu un jour derrière l'autre sans qu'aucun ait pu effacer la peur et la rage de mon enfance. Ce n'est pas grand-chose pourtant, une enfance. Mais c'est tout ce qui subsiste pour moi. Je ne sais pas me réfugier ailleurs »
April 29, 2025
4.25 stars
It is a true gift for another human being to reach inside your head and heart, and extract the very thoughts and experiences you have kept buried for years. Childhood trauma is a deeply private and guarded experience. Its shameful, humiliating - it isolates, it is the death of relationships and friendships. It never sleeps, its always the shadow lurking over your shoulder, the voice incessantly berating you in your head, "your not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, talented enough - not enough, not enough, not enough."
Jeanne, her sister Emma, and her mother Claire are terrorized by Louis (father and husband). Jeanne's life is defined by the abuse they all suffered throughout their lives. As she grows up, becomes a woman, has lovers, finds love - how can she let it go? How can she forgive a man that structured her whole life with pain? This is what we, the reader, are yearning to know as this deeply harrowing novel progresses.
This book is beautifully written. No question about it. It is deep, it is moving. As I stated above, if you have experienced any type of childhood trauma, you will be able to identitfy with what Jeanne goes through. Trigger warning though for those who are sensitive to abuse and deep emotional trauma.
The plot is minimal and somewhat directionless in this book, it was wholly character driven, with plot feeling almost unnecessary. The main experience is Jeanne's pain. It spoke to me in profound ways. I know not everyone is a fan of character driven books, but for me, this worked.
I was saddened by the ending, but can understand it, and empathize. Hope is a thing that one clings to, but sometimes it is not enough.
Thanks to Net Galley and the publisher for this ebook ARC in exchange for an honest review!
It is a true gift for another human being to reach inside your head and heart, and extract the very thoughts and experiences you have kept buried for years. Childhood trauma is a deeply private and guarded experience. Its shameful, humiliating - it isolates, it is the death of relationships and friendships. It never sleeps, its always the shadow lurking over your shoulder, the voice incessantly berating you in your head, "your not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, talented enough - not enough, not enough, not enough."
Jeanne, her sister Emma, and her mother Claire are terrorized by Louis (father and husband). Jeanne's life is defined by the abuse they all suffered throughout their lives. As she grows up, becomes a woman, has lovers, finds love - how can she let it go? How can she forgive a man that structured her whole life with pain? This is what we, the reader, are yearning to know as this deeply harrowing novel progresses.
This book is beautifully written. No question about it. It is deep, it is moving. As I stated above, if you have experienced any type of childhood trauma, you will be able to identitfy with what Jeanne goes through. Trigger warning though for those who are sensitive to abuse and deep emotional trauma.
The plot is minimal and somewhat directionless in this book, it was wholly character driven, with plot feeling almost unnecessary. The main experience is Jeanne's pain. It spoke to me in profound ways. I know not everyone is a fan of character driven books, but for me, this worked.
I was saddened by the ending, but can understand it, and empathize. Hope is a thing that one clings to, but sometimes it is not enough.
Thanks to Net Galley and the publisher for this ebook ARC in exchange for an honest review!
February 3, 2025
It was by pure chance that I found this book and I bought it with no knowledge that it was an advance copy! I thought this was a very raw and reflective read - it was harrowing to read about child abuse and its effects in the manner the author wrote about it but Jollien-Fardel manages to construct a very intriguing and well-done character study into our narrator Jeanne.
I think in some places the pacing was a bit hard to follow at the beginning but this smoothed over from the middle point onwards. I also had to reread some passages because the wording was unlike what I am used to reading, however this is probably because the novel is a translation. The writing itself was beautiful and I really enjoyed the focus on Jeanne's connection to place in her complicated relationship with Valais.
In terms of Jeanne's three relationships, I think hers with Paul was a little underdeveloped in comparison to Charlotte and Marine. I may be viewing this a little harshly but the novel approaches her sexuality a little strangely - it's not fair to suggest that Jeanne was only queer to the extent that she was just afraid of men but that was the implication I got at times. Might have to come back to this novel because it is very layered and Jeanne's character is more complex than she appears on the surface.
I think in some places the pacing was a bit hard to follow at the beginning but this smoothed over from the middle point onwards. I also had to reread some passages because the wording was unlike what I am used to reading, however this is probably because the novel is a translation. The writing itself was beautiful and I really enjoyed the focus on Jeanne's connection to place in her complicated relationship with Valais.
In terms of Jeanne's three relationships, I think hers with Paul was a little underdeveloped in comparison to Charlotte and Marine. I may be viewing this a little harshly but the novel approaches her sexuality a little strangely - it's not fair to suggest that Jeanne was only queer to the extent that she was just afraid of men but that was the implication I got at times. Might have to come back to this novel because it is very layered and Jeanne's character is more complex than she appears on the surface.
March 14, 2023
Magnifique roman, bouleversant et percutant sur le parcours d'une jeune femme cabossée par la vie pour qui la résilience semble impossible.
Ce n'est pas une lecture facile, c'est un cri de désespoir avec des passages lumineux. Ce récit me restera en tête un moment.
Ce n'est pas une lecture facile, c'est un cri de désespoir avec des passages lumineux. Ce récit me restera en tête un moment.
April 23, 2025
This was a very emotionally-raw, confronting, precisely written character study about a survivor, Jeanne, of the horrific violent abuse of her father. I found this shocking, very sad, but also compelling and hugely convincing about Jeanne who tries to escape her traumatic childhood, but continues to be dragged back into the terror and destruction it has caused to her family and her own sense of self.
The precise, spare prose was direct, nuanced and evocative. Short novels such as this are often successful in their poetic depth and this was a perfect example of this.
This was not a journey towards complete healing, but rather an honest portrayal of a woman claiming the agency that her mother and sister never had. The anchors she's offered are ultimately rejected as the protagonist chooses choices that may well lead to self-sabotage. It's a decision of risk that could all fall apart but could also lead to redemption and exorcism of her past. The clever subtlety of this novel draws the reader towards asking if this agency will ultimately lead towards a fresh start or if the seeds of self-interest, hatred and violence within Jeanne that are revealed will grow into something which grows darker and destructive. This is not neatly wrapped up and is stronger for it.
This honest review is given with thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for this book.
The precise, spare prose was direct, nuanced and evocative. Short novels such as this are often successful in their poetic depth and this was a perfect example of this.
This was not a journey towards complete healing, but rather an honest portrayal of a woman claiming the agency that her mother and sister never had. The anchors she's offered are ultimately rejected as the protagonist chooses choices that may well lead to self-sabotage. It's a decision of risk that could all fall apart but could also lead to redemption and exorcism of her past. The clever subtlety of this novel draws the reader towards asking if this agency will ultimately lead towards a fresh start or if the seeds of self-interest, hatred and violence within Jeanne that are revealed will grow into something which grows darker and destructive. This is not neatly wrapped up and is stronger for it.
This honest review is given with thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for this book.
September 18, 2022
Excellent premier roman. Analyse psychologique fine.
Comment se relever d'une enfance saccagée?
Comment se relever d'une enfance saccagée?
February 25, 2025
From page 40 I knew this would devastate me and be five stars I was right on both accounts
April 22, 2025
I am broken
March 25, 2025
My Favourite is a deep and outrageous story of the life and relationships of Jeanne, a long-term sufferer of abuse. Jeanne’s father is the source of all evil, and this is Jeanne’s story of recovery and self-discovery; a life lived in the shadow of a monster who shaped the person that she becomes. It is a heart-breaking novel that leaves you feeling gut-punched, a shocking read that lends itself to being utterly devoured.
I was surprised to have enjoyed this book so much that I consumed it within three days – this is speedy reading for me, and not something I initially would have picked up off the shelf. The topic of abuse was painful, one that I cannot strictly say I enjoyed so much as I was fascinated by it; it made it squirm-in-my-seat uncomfortable. I almost felt bad for wanting to sink my teeth into something so horrific. Jollien-Fardel spared no details when describing the brutal ways that Jeanne’s father beat, tormented and destroyed his wife and children, shining a fluorescent light on the complexities of what trauma can do to a person. Void of the expected ‘victim’ approach, Jeanne is a bold character, conflicted, yet utterly reasonable in her behaviour.
The writer creates beautifully written prose to bear the scars of Jeanne’s childhood, not rushing the story, nor lingering on an event any longer than is necessary. The scenes play out in short, sharp bursts, for instance: ‘His face was deformed, eyes bulging and demented. And he was smiling. It was awful […] That night I witnessed that bestial force. On a man. A father. Mine.’ She gets straight to the point and swiftly moves on to the next stage of Jeanne’s life, showing how much trauma can follow and shape a person. Everything Jeanne feels is based on instinct: ‘hypervigilance had taken over my entire existence. Day in, day out,’ living and breathing fear even in perceivably small notions such as ‘the way he put on or took off his shoes.’ To be trapped in a body that is utterly controlled by another human being, let alone one’s father, causes Jeanne to feel her body ‘does not exist.’ To feel that she was ‘born dead,’ makes it completely logical that even into her twenties, she has had no space for any desire or romantic relationship, this concept also destroyed by the displays of violence towards her mother and sister.
Jeanne drifts through various relationships, exploring them on a physical level and struggling to obtain more than deep desire for people, thus strengthening her character as painstakingly human. She learns trust through same-sex relationships, questioning whether she is so untrusting of men that she chose to partner with women; I found this made the book even more grounding as it was not just a repetitive tale of someone who relies on falling in love with a man in order to survive. That being said, through various relationships with women and men, her heart is so lost and set on the physical, we know these relationships are a form of escape, ‘the vacuity of it all diverted my attention from my torments and provided a welcome distraction.’ Your own heart breaks for her when she discovers attraction, it being the first time her heart ‘beat out of something other than fear,’ a level of pity arising for a character that otherwise makes it near impossible for people to break down her walls.
The horror of childhood trauma is beautifully contrasted with the natural beauty of a Swiss backdrop, where Jeanne relies on nature to soothe her, allowing her to reflect and accept what has happened to her. The juxtaposition of Jeanne’s upbringing versus her adult dependency on Lake Geneva to physically and metaphorically keep her afloat is a calm to the perfect storm. It allows us as readers a chance to briefly slow down and breathe between the eruptions of violence from both Jeanne’s father and later, her adult self. She is raised in a home where the village gossips and close family friends turn a blind-eye to the horrors that happen to her family behind closed doors, this leading to a breakdown in trust with the village doctor, the only friend she thought she could trust at the tender age of eight.
Yet, there feels a sense of resolution not only when the cowardly doctor returns in later life but within the awe and beauty of the nature that cradles her adult self. The lake symbolises her ability to escape and heal, suggesting that just as within nature, all things do: ‘November in Lausanne absolves all the others that came before it, […] in the bracing water, the weight of my body lifted.’
That life is ‘a merry-go-round of grief and love’ is a notion that follows Jeanne through adulthood ‘torn apart by opposing feelings.’ Even through escape, she is constantly drawn back to her homeland, battling herself within her relationships and left constantly challenging her true identity, circling the question: is she anything like the brute that raised her? After suffering through immense losses, Jeanne remains ‘waltzing along on an emotional roller-coaster mapped out according to my surges of desire and the agony of bereavement,’ these two senses tugging internally at her core. Through the turmoil she faces when confronting her identity, she is torn between being someone who is broken by loss or driven to self-destruction with feelings of desire, these contradictory feelings that partner side-by-side to fuel one another.
If I’m being honest, I was slightly irked by the illicit affair that takes place between Jeanne and Paul, a married man who works in her office, as at first it felt cliché. However, it must be said that the physical ‘choreography of instincts’ that take place between two human bodies is handled beautifully, in a way that makes a reader yearn with sadness for this woman to feel comforted. The way that the heat grows immensely fast between them, ending with a simple human recognition that ‘it happens on a Friday in August.’ This spoke volumes to me, that the day was significant determines that with each experience, she is reborn. She is becoming more human by acting in self-destructive and malicious ways, and I felt both joy and pain for Jeanne.
By the end of the book, I felt very ready for a sense of closure, which is seemingly where it feels the writer is taking us. It becomes predictable; the inevitable return home to an ailing old man, the closure from a cowardly childhood friend, a chance at redemption. Brilliantly, the writer is careful not to let down the credible story she has laid out for us over the last 150 pages; just when you think that there is hope around the corner, light at the end of the tunnel, she subtly alludes to an even darker demise for our troubled Jeanne. With a gentle acceptance, Jeanne’s story comes to a dignifying end by returning to her roots in a way that made my heart want to burst. So plain and so human that a quiet ‘oh’, was the only way I could respond. I was hurt by such a story. Hurt in a way that felt important to engage with so that stories like these do not go untold.
I was surprised to have enjoyed this book so much that I consumed it within three days – this is speedy reading for me, and not something I initially would have picked up off the shelf. The topic of abuse was painful, one that I cannot strictly say I enjoyed so much as I was fascinated by it; it made it squirm-in-my-seat uncomfortable. I almost felt bad for wanting to sink my teeth into something so horrific. Jollien-Fardel spared no details when describing the brutal ways that Jeanne’s father beat, tormented and destroyed his wife and children, shining a fluorescent light on the complexities of what trauma can do to a person. Void of the expected ‘victim’ approach, Jeanne is a bold character, conflicted, yet utterly reasonable in her behaviour.
The writer creates beautifully written prose to bear the scars of Jeanne’s childhood, not rushing the story, nor lingering on an event any longer than is necessary. The scenes play out in short, sharp bursts, for instance: ‘His face was deformed, eyes bulging and demented. And he was smiling. It was awful […] That night I witnessed that bestial force. On a man. A father. Mine.’ She gets straight to the point and swiftly moves on to the next stage of Jeanne’s life, showing how much trauma can follow and shape a person. Everything Jeanne feels is based on instinct: ‘hypervigilance had taken over my entire existence. Day in, day out,’ living and breathing fear even in perceivably small notions such as ‘the way he put on or took off his shoes.’ To be trapped in a body that is utterly controlled by another human being, let alone one’s father, causes Jeanne to feel her body ‘does not exist.’ To feel that she was ‘born dead,’ makes it completely logical that even into her twenties, she has had no space for any desire or romantic relationship, this concept also destroyed by the displays of violence towards her mother and sister.
Jeanne drifts through various relationships, exploring them on a physical level and struggling to obtain more than deep desire for people, thus strengthening her character as painstakingly human. She learns trust through same-sex relationships, questioning whether she is so untrusting of men that she chose to partner with women; I found this made the book even more grounding as it was not just a repetitive tale of someone who relies on falling in love with a man in order to survive. That being said, through various relationships with women and men, her heart is so lost and set on the physical, we know these relationships are a form of escape, ‘the vacuity of it all diverted my attention from my torments and provided a welcome distraction.’ Your own heart breaks for her when she discovers attraction, it being the first time her heart ‘beat out of something other than fear,’ a level of pity arising for a character that otherwise makes it near impossible for people to break down her walls.
The horror of childhood trauma is beautifully contrasted with the natural beauty of a Swiss backdrop, where Jeanne relies on nature to soothe her, allowing her to reflect and accept what has happened to her. The juxtaposition of Jeanne’s upbringing versus her adult dependency on Lake Geneva to physically and metaphorically keep her afloat is a calm to the perfect storm. It allows us as readers a chance to briefly slow down and breathe between the eruptions of violence from both Jeanne’s father and later, her adult self. She is raised in a home where the village gossips and close family friends turn a blind-eye to the horrors that happen to her family behind closed doors, this leading to a breakdown in trust with the village doctor, the only friend she thought she could trust at the tender age of eight.
Yet, there feels a sense of resolution not only when the cowardly doctor returns in later life but within the awe and beauty of the nature that cradles her adult self. The lake symbolises her ability to escape and heal, suggesting that just as within nature, all things do: ‘November in Lausanne absolves all the others that came before it, […] in the bracing water, the weight of my body lifted.’
That life is ‘a merry-go-round of grief and love’ is a notion that follows Jeanne through adulthood ‘torn apart by opposing feelings.’ Even through escape, she is constantly drawn back to her homeland, battling herself within her relationships and left constantly challenging her true identity, circling the question: is she anything like the brute that raised her? After suffering through immense losses, Jeanne remains ‘waltzing along on an emotional roller-coaster mapped out according to my surges of desire and the agony of bereavement,’ these two senses tugging internally at her core. Through the turmoil she faces when confronting her identity, she is torn between being someone who is broken by loss or driven to self-destruction with feelings of desire, these contradictory feelings that partner side-by-side to fuel one another.
If I’m being honest, I was slightly irked by the illicit affair that takes place between Jeanne and Paul, a married man who works in her office, as at first it felt cliché. However, it must be said that the physical ‘choreography of instincts’ that take place between two human bodies is handled beautifully, in a way that makes a reader yearn with sadness for this woman to feel comforted. The way that the heat grows immensely fast between them, ending with a simple human recognition that ‘it happens on a Friday in August.’ This spoke volumes to me, that the day was significant determines that with each experience, she is reborn. She is becoming more human by acting in self-destructive and malicious ways, and I felt both joy and pain for Jeanne.
By the end of the book, I felt very ready for a sense of closure, which is seemingly where it feels the writer is taking us. It becomes predictable; the inevitable return home to an ailing old man, the closure from a cowardly childhood friend, a chance at redemption. Brilliantly, the writer is careful not to let down the credible story she has laid out for us over the last 150 pages; just when you think that there is hope around the corner, light at the end of the tunnel, she subtly alludes to an even darker demise for our troubled Jeanne. With a gentle acceptance, Jeanne’s story comes to a dignifying end by returning to her roots in a way that made my heart want to burst. So plain and so human that a quiet ‘oh’, was the only way I could respond. I was hurt by such a story. Hurt in a way that felt important to engage with so that stories like these do not go untold.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
April 1, 2025
This book is devastating, it really just throws trauma after trauma at you. It was an easy read, but I still think it could have been shorter. It felt like there was a lot of repetition, and I couldn’t tell if that was due to the translation or if the book was just reiterating the same things each time. It also jumps back and forth a lot which I found a little confusing, and it’s tough to develop the characters well when they’re only in 50 or so pages, so I just didn’t feel attached to much in the story.
March 21, 2025
My Favourite is a really well written harrowing tale of abuse and how it has negatively affected the main character's life to a point of no return. I appreciated that it showed that sometimes there is no redemption or happy ending.
I would definitely check trigger warnings before reading. Thank you to The Indigo Press for a reading copy.
I would definitely check trigger warnings before reading. Thank you to The Indigo Press for a reading copy.
February 1, 2025
This book is extremely heavy to read and remains harrowing throughout. But it is also beautiful and perfectly written. It’s worth the heaviness and you will sob.
November 13, 2025
Crudo, triste e duro. Ho fatto fatica a seguire le pagine cariche di odio e violenza. Ho provato pena e dispiacere per la madre e Emma, vittime indifese e ho compreso appieno Jeanne.
Read
November 2, 2025J'ai trouvé ça d'une justesse et d'une sincérité psychologiques... par contre c'était vraiment très triste. Tu finis le livre le cœur lourd, pas de l'avoir fini mais pour la manière dont il se finit.
February 17, 2023
R E Z E N S I O N zu dem Debüt „Lieblingstochter“ von Sarah Jollien-Fardel.
Ein tief gehender, gewaltiger, emotionaler Roman, der eine:n erst einmal durchatmend und geflasht zurücklässt.
„Was ist schlimmer? Ein ignoranter Schweinehund oder ein scharfsinniger Mann, der so feige ist wegzusehen, wenn ein achtjähriges Mädchen verprügelt wird?“ - S. 36
In dem Roman begleiten wir die Ich-Erzählerin Jeanne, welche im Wallis aufwachst und mit ihrer Schwester Emma und Mutter unter familiärer Gewalt des Vaters leidet. Im speziellen handelt es sich um tyrannische und traumatisierenden Misshandlungen und Vergewaltigungen, sowohl an der Mutter verrichtet als auch an den Kindern.
Jeanne flieht von der Familie indem sie nach Lausanne zieht, doch kann sie ihrer Kindheit/Vergangenheit wirklich entkommen?
„Wenn wir nicht diesen Vater gehabt hätten, wären wir dann glücklich gewesen, hätte ich auch fliehen wollen?“ - S. 76
Es handelt sich bei dem Debüt um einen schmerzhaften, intensiven und sprachgewaltigen Roman. Der auf wenigen Seiten sehr detailreich und tief gehend ist.
Trotz der harten Thematik, dem herben Stil und den geschilderten Misshandlungen ist dieser Roman ein Highlight für mich, da ich wirklich eintauchen und mich einlassen konnte in/auf die Geschichte.
Leseempfehlung meinerseits!
Buchdetails: erschienen am 14.02.2023 im Aufbau Verlag | gelesen als Hardcover | Seitenzahl: 221 | 24,00 € | übersetzt aus dem Französischen von Theresa Benkert
Ein tief gehender, gewaltiger, emotionaler Roman, der eine:n erst einmal durchatmend und geflasht zurücklässt.
„Was ist schlimmer? Ein ignoranter Schweinehund oder ein scharfsinniger Mann, der so feige ist wegzusehen, wenn ein achtjähriges Mädchen verprügelt wird?“ - S. 36
In dem Roman begleiten wir die Ich-Erzählerin Jeanne, welche im Wallis aufwachst und mit ihrer Schwester Emma und Mutter unter familiärer Gewalt des Vaters leidet. Im speziellen handelt es sich um tyrannische und traumatisierenden Misshandlungen und Vergewaltigungen, sowohl an der Mutter verrichtet als auch an den Kindern.
Jeanne flieht von der Familie indem sie nach Lausanne zieht, doch kann sie ihrer Kindheit/Vergangenheit wirklich entkommen?
„Wenn wir nicht diesen Vater gehabt hätten, wären wir dann glücklich gewesen, hätte ich auch fliehen wollen?“ - S. 76
Es handelt sich bei dem Debüt um einen schmerzhaften, intensiven und sprachgewaltigen Roman. Der auf wenigen Seiten sehr detailreich und tief gehend ist.
Trotz der harten Thematik, dem herben Stil und den geschilderten Misshandlungen ist dieser Roman ein Highlight für mich, da ich wirklich eintauchen und mich einlassen konnte in/auf die Geschichte.
Leseempfehlung meinerseits!
Buchdetails: erschienen am 14.02.2023 im Aufbau Verlag | gelesen als Hardcover | Seitenzahl: 221 | 24,00 € | übersetzt aus dem Französischen von Theresa Benkert
September 10, 2025
MERCII LOLA POUR CETTE BELLE DÉCOUVERTE 🫶🏻
Un roman dure et triste qui traite des violences familles et de la difficulté de leurs échapper en grandissant. L'écriture est vraiment bonne, par contre j'ai détester la manière dont certaines relation se développe. je te parle paul.
Un roman dure et triste qui traite des violences familles et de la difficulté de leurs échapper en grandissant. L'écriture est vraiment bonne, par contre j'ai détester la manière dont certaines relation se développe. je te parle paul.
July 29, 2025
Felt like an abridged version of A Little Life but with a female protagonist. Considering the book is under 200 pages, the trauma is still conveyed with equally as much depth.
June 2, 2025
Meraviglioso.
Un libro che arriva dritto come un pugno in faccia.
incredibilmente reale e doloroso.
Una storia di rabbia, sofferenza, silenzi e Omertà.
Una storia dove l'indifferenza segna e decide il percorso di tante vite.
Una storia forte, cruda che non lascia spazio all'immaginazione e forse anche alla redenzione.
Un libro che arriva dritto come un pugno in faccia.
incredibilmente reale e doloroso.
Una storia di rabbia, sofferenza, silenzi e Omertà.
Una storia dove l'indifferenza segna e decide il percorso di tante vite.
Una storia forte, cruda che non lascia spazio all'immaginazione e forse anche alla redenzione.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 192 reviews