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The Package
When the world's most beloved benefactor discovers there's a way to enlarge his "package" to become the world's biggest, he finds it an opportunity too enormous to resist in this wickedly comedic, adults-only tale.
20 pages, Kindle Edition
First published September 24, 2013
22 people want to read
About the author
Evans Light
35 books415 followersEvans Light is author of Screamscapes: Tales of Terror, the upcoming I Am Halloween, and more. He is editor of
Doorbells at Dusk
and the ongoing
In Darkness, Delight
horror anthology series, and is co-creator of
Bad Apples: Halloween Horrors
and Dead Roses: Five Dark Tales of Twisted Love.
Evans lives in Charlotte, North Carolina, surrounded by thousands of vintage horror paperbacks.
Author links:
Amazon Author Page: https://tinyurl.com/EvansLight-AmazonUS
Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheEvansLight
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/EvansLightAu...
Corpus Press: https://www.corpuspress.com/authors/e...
Evans lives in Charlotte, North Carolina, surrounded by thousands of vintage horror paperbacks.
Author links:
Amazon Author Page: https://tinyurl.com/EvansLight-AmazonUS
Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheEvansLight
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/EvansLightAu...
Corpus Press: https://www.corpuspress.com/authors/e...
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Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews
December 4, 2013
Santa's finally gonna get what he wants for Christmas!
Oh, my!
Evans Light has whipped out alittle whopping holiday tale to cheer you.
When a naughty dyslexic loser offer to trade his soul toSatan Santa, Kris Kringle sees a chance to get that special package he's been dreaming of, and it ain't a Red Ryder BB Gun......though it could put your eye out...
I WAS getting a little pissed at St. Nick for busting on how poorly Mrs. Claus has aged when he's sporting his own bowlful-of-jelly belly, but in the end, everyone gets what they wished for, and a merry time is had by all.
Dog bless us, everyone!
Oh, my!
Evans Light has whipped out a
When a naughty dyslexic loser offer to trade his soul to
I WAS getting a little pissed at St. Nick for busting on how poorly Mrs. Claus has aged when he's sporting his own bowlful-of-jelly belly, but in the end, everyone gets what they wished for, and a merry time is had by all.
Dog bless us, everyone!
December 29, 2014
2.5
At the moment, I hate Santa.
Let's get the unsurprising out of the way. It is well written, so I'll let it be a good story. The idea is great (the reason behind all the misunderstanding).
I don't mind when a loved character becomes a bastard. I do mind when he doesn't get what he deserves.
Overall, it's a well written story with a really naughty, disgusting Santa with a disguised commentary on what Christmas has become.
At the moment, I hate Santa.
Let's get the unsurprising out of the way. It is well written, so I'll let it be a good story. The idea is great (the reason behind all the misunderstanding).
I don't mind when a loved character becomes a bastard. I do mind when he doesn't get what he deserves.
Overall, it's a well written story with a really naughty, disgusting Santa with a disguised commentary on what Christmas has become.
Read
August 9, 2016This story is included in my collection SCREAMSCAPES: Tales of Terror, and also has been published previously in The Corpus Corruptum.
I originally wrote this short story for a competition hosted by Joe R. Lansdale, and it is jam-packed with "easter eggs" in the form of titles of his books and stories and subtle references to his work interweaved throughout the narrative, but the story stands on its own quite nicely even if you've never heard of Lansdale.
Not a scary story by any means, I still think it is wicked enough in its sense of humor to fit nicely into a horror collection. Not for the prudish. You've been warned.
And, oh yeah - it didn't win the competition. I console myself by thinking that he wanted it to win, but it was just too profane to post on his website. Wishful thinking, I'm sure.
The Package was released as a $.99 stand-alone Kindle Short on September 25, 2013.
Amazon Link: http://www.amazon.com/The-Package-ebo...
I originally wrote this short story for a competition hosted by Joe R. Lansdale, and it is jam-packed with "easter eggs" in the form of titles of his books and stories and subtle references to his work interweaved throughout the narrative, but the story stands on its own quite nicely even if you've never heard of Lansdale.
Not a scary story by any means, I still think it is wicked enough in its sense of humor to fit nicely into a horror collection. Not for the prudish. You've been warned.
And, oh yeah - it didn't win the competition. I console myself by thinking that he wanted it to win, but it was just too profane to post on his website. Wishful thinking, I'm sure.
The Package was released as a $.99 stand-alone Kindle Short on September 25, 2013.
Amazon Link: http://www.amazon.com/The-Package-ebo...
December 27, 2014
I can't say that I want purse wropes and jowlbobs for Christmas but this free (through 12/28/14) story from Evans Light was the perfect Christmas present. :)
January 2, 2015
A seasonal short from Evans Light.
Santa is depressed. His “package” is shrinking and he’s just read a newspaper article about a man with the world’s largest penis. He is at a very low point in his life due to having to lay off most of his elves and not getting any “action” due to his shrinkage problem. When a man with dyslexia sends Santa a legally binding contract to sell him his soul, Santa sees a way of using this to his advantage.
I’ve read Evans Light before and stated previously I reckon he is a master of the short story and he penned one of my all-time favourites, ArborEATum. This one however is totally different from anything I’ve read by him before.
It’s hilarious in its own dark way. It’s a side of Santa we don’t often see and many would believe impossible. It’s short and punchy. It’s funny but scary at the same time. When you think of it afterwards it actually leaves you with a very dark impression of the man kids love the world over.
A 30 minute 5 star read from one of the best.
Santa is depressed. His “package” is shrinking and he’s just read a newspaper article about a man with the world’s largest penis. He is at a very low point in his life due to having to lay off most of his elves and not getting any “action” due to his shrinkage problem. When a man with dyslexia sends Santa a legally binding contract to sell him his soul, Santa sees a way of using this to his advantage.
I’ve read Evans Light before and stated previously I reckon he is a master of the short story and he penned one of my all-time favourites, ArborEATum. This one however is totally different from anything I’ve read by him before.
It’s hilarious in its own dark way. It’s a side of Santa we don’t often see and many would believe impossible. It’s short and punchy. It’s funny but scary at the same time. When you think of it afterwards it actually leaves you with a very dark impression of the man kids love the world over.
A 30 minute 5 star read from one of the best.
November 23, 2013
Another twisted tale of horror. The title of the story ties in so well, in more ways than one.
August 14, 2016
Humans ... This is hilarious ... Period. I'm giving THE PACKAGE 5 stars. I love that Evans Light wrote this. It's one thing to think these things, but writing a story ... awesomeness. You must have a sense of humor and not be easily offended. Have fun, please! I've had this Christmas package on my Kindle for some time and finally read it (in August), and it's great! There is a lot of word play ... so please pay attention so you don't miss any smirks or giggles. Readers will find innuendo layered throughout this short ... more than the obvious. Enjoy the read and try not to judge Satan too harshly.
Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews