When Cats Assassinate

by David W. Watts, Andrew Davies

'Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats' by T S Eliot, the inspiration for the 'Cats' musical, would have you believe that cats are marvellous and magical. But we all know different. Cats are cruel. Stop any shrew or bankvole on the street and they'll describe them as mean, lean killing machines.

Cats are jealous too. They despise the fact that a dog is a man's best friend, yet it's them who do all the useful work around the yard. Since when has fetching sticks in a timely fashion helped society? Cats clear up the vermin and what do they get for it? "Yuk, clear that off the doorstep!"

So, cats everywhere have taken a secret resolve to dispose of dogs in every which way they can, whether by simple means or, as we find out in 'When Cats Assassinate', by using tricks, strategies and high velocity weapons.

Cats are helped in their killer quest by most dogs' basic lack of brain cells. Curiosity may have killed a cat one time, but sheer stupidity killed most dogs. If dogs can learn anything from this book it's "Never stick your head through a catflap that reads FREE DOG FOOD HERE."

Genres: Humor

96 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2005

Reviews

[Ludwig Januszewski · Rating 5 out of 5]

My dad, may god rest his soul, got me this book when I was really young and I loved it because I never really liked dogs. There’s a cool one of like a pre-JFK style headshot, thanks dad :)

[Gerry · Rating 3 out of 5]

An amusing look at the cat's relationship with the dog, often cruel and merciless!

The photographs are excellently set up to show the power that cats have over man's supposed best friend. The cats are shown, shooting, blowing up and generally upstaging the dogs, which makes the book an amusing one to browse with meaningful captions, certainly to the cats, along the way.

[Bob]

Funny AF

[Janelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

From the back cover:
• Dogs chase cats. This is how cats get even.
• Warning: Contains scenes of dogmageddon.
• Read this book and you'll never leave your cat alone with high explosives again.
• Features weapons of mastiff destruction.

Think of photo-shopped images of cats hunting dogs via various methods such as a combine harvester and a sabotaged roller coaster. Add in a bunch of stupid captions. That pretty much sums up When Cats Assassinate. It's kinda dumb, but it gave my daughter a lot of laughs when she was young. Fortunately there are no images of actual dog destruction. That's been left to the reader's imagination.

[Ben Wise]

"Interesting."

[Greta · Rating 3 out of 5]

I can see why my children read this book over and over and over. It's cute. But I only need to read it once myself.