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The Childless Revolution: What It Means To Be Childless Today
Thanks in part to birth control, delayed marriages, and the emergence of two-career couples, 42% of the adult female population is childless, representing the fastest-growing demographic group to emerge in decades. Alternately pitied and scorned, childless women are rarely asked directly about the reasons for their status; the elephant in the living room, childlessness is a taboo subject.Asking the hard questions, Madelyn Cain uncovers the many reasons for childlessness--from infertility to a focus on a career to even political action--and explores the ramifications, both personal and sociological. Simultaneously compassionate and journalistically curious, The Childless Revolution is informed by the stories of over 100 childless women, at long last giving voice to their experience and validating the jumble of emotions women feel about being a part of such a controversial population. For childless women and their families everywhere, this is the first--and long overdue--book to put a face on women who have made a largely misunderstood reproductive choice.
208 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2001
6 people are currently reading
483 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 41 reviews
December 2, 2011
So, I'm kind of giving this a pity three stars. It's not actually a very good book, but it's a quick read. I thought it would be an insightful look at what it means to choose not to have children, but instead it was like thirty pages of marginally insightful thoughts about what it means to choose not to have children, and then a lot more pages about women who want kids but end up not having them for whatever reason. Which is fine, I guess, and interesting, and actually not as annoying as all the stupid articles out there about fertility (usually nytimes, but yesterday there was this on the radio http://www.npr.org/2011/12/01/1427255... and i was like, et tu NPR? telling me i'm dumb and will want to have babies when I'm too old?).
Anyway, usually I'm pretty irritated with women who are like OMG WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T HAVE BABIEZ because I just don't get it, but this book made me more sympathetic.
HOWEVER I would like to point out that people, as they get older, are disappointed by all kinds of things, and you don't see a constant stream of articles called "Many People Underestimate the Reality of Their Own Mortality", or "Many People Struggle With Getting Old", or "Many Twenty-Somethings Think They Will Never Have Wrinkles or Health Problems and That Their Parents Will Never Die" because all of those things are EXISTENTIAL STRUGGLES NOT NEWS.
Anyhoo, high five to all the ladies out there living their lives the way they want, sans les bebes. Maybe I'll check out one of the other books that popped up as suggestions when I added this one to my list, for more exploration of that phenomenon.
Anyway, usually I'm pretty irritated with women who are like OMG WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T HAVE BABIEZ because I just don't get it, but this book made me more sympathetic.
HOWEVER I would like to point out that people, as they get older, are disappointed by all kinds of things, and you don't see a constant stream of articles called "Many People Underestimate the Reality of Their Own Mortality", or "Many People Struggle With Getting Old", or "Many Twenty-Somethings Think They Will Never Have Wrinkles or Health Problems and That Their Parents Will Never Die" because all of those things are EXISTENTIAL STRUGGLES NOT NEWS.
Anyhoo, high five to all the ladies out there living their lives the way they want, sans les bebes. Maybe I'll check out one of the other books that popped up as suggestions when I added this one to my list, for more exploration of that phenomenon.
November 29, 2008
A must-read - whether you do or *do not* have children. This book offers insight into both lifestyles. This book acknowledges that if you don't have children (whether it was your choice, a biological challenge, or just the fact that the timing was never right), you are part of a growing culture made up of many women who likely had agonized over their choice to have or not have kids. It also an eye-opening, enlightening read, for instance, for people who do have children; they can read this and realize some of the possible reasons or thoughts behind why some people do not have kids. If you yourself are agonizing over the decision or else coming to terms with the fact that you may never have kids (although you may have wanted them), definitely read this book.
February 20, 2014
I shall now refer to myself happily as childfree instead of childless. Although not having children started out as a medical issue, I discovered that I didn't want children a few years later when my maternal drive never kicked in. I enjoyed this book as an opportunity to feel like I wasn't alone in the looks, comments and assumptions that are made about me and my life. I always find it funny that its the widows that warn me I'll end up alone. Dear, we all end up alone, now don't we?
July 22, 2025
Focuses more on interviews and perspectives with a bit of statistics thrown in. I’m put off by the author giving physical descriptions of the interviewees, as though someone’s “dark curtain of hair swinging” is meant to sway our opinion of their views of childlessness. There are a number of sweeping generalizations written as if they were facts (such as the notion that “children are soul readers,” or weird musings on Barbie and the lack of a Maternity Barbie).
I did like the grouping of types of childfree and childless women and families. Nothing revolutionary, but it’s a good grouping and sets the structure well.
If you’re childfree by choice, you’ll probably agree with some of the statements, agree with some of the interviewees, but not get much else. It’s a very average and obvious presentation of the basics of why some women don’t have kids.
I did like the grouping of types of childfree and childless women and families. Nothing revolutionary, but it’s a good grouping and sets the structure well.
If you’re childfree by choice, you’ll probably agree with some of the statements, agree with some of the interviewees, but not get much else. It’s a very average and obvious presentation of the basics of why some women don’t have kids.
January 7, 2009
This book categorizes childless women (intentionally and unintentionally childless), and explores the different motivations, emotions, and stresses for women faced with the monumental decision of whether or not to have children. Sadly, I found this book to be innovative, as I have not seen any other books address this issue in a meaningful way. The book has something for all women, whether you have children, want children, don't ever want children, or are unable to have children. It would be a fantastic book for men to read--if you could ever get a man to read it.
Seeing all of the different perspectives was affirming and helped me have empathy for other women at this stage of our lives. What a challenging decision we all have to make. Or the decision will be made for us.
Honestly, the book is a little unsettling in that it forces the reader to address the children question in her own life. Definitely food for thought.
Seeing all of the different perspectives was affirming and helped me have empathy for other women at this stage of our lives. What a challenging decision we all have to make. Or the decision will be made for us.
Honestly, the book is a little unsettling in that it forces the reader to address the children question in her own life. Definitely food for thought.
February 11, 2014
I picked up The Childless Revolution by Madelyn Cain based on the previous book I had read, Baby Not On Board, hoping it would be a more academic view of the childless/childfree life. This book is, obviously, a more serious and scholarly version of the childless lifestyle, and I appreciated the author’s interviews with different types of childless people as well as the way she incorporated psychological studies of childless people in her book.
The author, who has a child herself, broke down the childless into three different categories: those who are childless by choice, by chance, and by happenstance (yes, I like the rhyming, too!)
One of the things I felt was ‘off’ about this book, and it is completely not the author’s fault, is that this book now is dated. Ms. Cain refers to Plan B (the morning after pill) as something new and exciting, which… it isn’t anymore. I know, I know, this is a completely ridiculous reason to critique the book, and I’m not knocking the book down for that. It is just interesting to read this book in 2014 and realize how far (and not so far) society has come in terms of accepting contraception methods such as Plan B.
The thing I personally enjoyed the most about this book is the way Ms. Cain humanizes infertility. Infertility today is something that isn’t talked about much in many circles. Ms. Cain acknowledges these reasons in her book: people feel shame they are unable to conceive, they don’t want to seem unhappy for family members/friends who are able to conceive, they don’t know how to articulate their grief, etc. These are the ‘childless by chance’, and they have heard everyone’s well-meaning (or not so well-meaning) entreaties that it is “God’s will” or “Just relax” or “why don’t you just adopt?”
Ms. Cain refutes or addresses all of the above comments and questions deftly, not by citing infertility statistics or the unlikelihood of conceiving after 40 solely, but by interviewing women who have gone through and are going through these issues themselves. Logically, I know the reasons why people may continue to subject themselves to round after round of fertility treatments, or why people may choose against adoption, but in the back of my mind, I thought some of the same (unintentional but cavalier) thoughts of those who don’t suffer from infertility.
Ms. Cain lets the (all women) interviewees answer for themselves, and the answers are at times heart-wrenching. Imagine wanting something that others, for the majority of the people around you, have so easily. Imagine wanting it so bad, and having it be so easy for so many people to get, but never ever getting it. Imagine it’s all you’ve ever wanted, you would do anything, pay any amount, subject yourself to painful treatments, and still never get what you want. That is what it is like for the women Ms. Cain interviews in the ‘Childless by Chance’ chapter of her book, and I appreciated the candid interviews.
I admit, for the adamantly childfree, this may not be the book for them. Ms. Cain is at times glib about the reasons why women are childless by choice, and the way she wrote was off-putting to me a few times. Perhaps the term ‘childfree’ wasn’t used in 2001 (the year the book was published), and for that I give Ms. Cain a pass. Ms. Cain does do an admirable job of explaining why women choose not to have children: passion for their work, environmental reasons, religious reasons. I actually liked that Ms. Cain took the unconventional route and interviewed woman who said, “yeah, I really don’t like kids, and that’s why I don’t want them.” I haven’t read many childfree/childless by choice books that articulate that, because ‘not liking children’ is still a taboo subject, even in 2014. For being one of the first books (that I’ve read) to address the childless by choice, Ms. Cain does a solid job, it’s just not the first book I would go to if I were adamantly childfree.
However, if you or someone you know are experiencing infertility, Ms. Cain deftly addresses the issue and puts a humanizing face on the experience. It’s painful, it’s raw, and, in my mind, ultimately cruel how some amazing families are denied the ability to be a (biological) parent, yet others have children like it’s no big deal and treat their kids like trash. As someone who hasn’t experienced infertility, and only knows one person who’s gone through infertility treatments, I feel Ms. Cain’s book puts me in a better position to respond in an appropriate way to infertile couples, whereas before I probably would have been awkward and changed the subject.
Ultimately, Ms. Cain does an excellent job describing the various scenarios that lead people to be childless, whether it be by choice, by chance (infertility), or by happenstance (it just did not happen, whether because of a bad childhood or not finding the right person to have a baby with). She also includes a chapter on misconceptions of those who are childless, which is well-worth reading, particularly if you simply cannot fathom anyone who would choose to not have children.
The author, who has a child herself, broke down the childless into three different categories: those who are childless by choice, by chance, and by happenstance (yes, I like the rhyming, too!)
One of the things I felt was ‘off’ about this book, and it is completely not the author’s fault, is that this book now is dated. Ms. Cain refers to Plan B (the morning after pill) as something new and exciting, which… it isn’t anymore. I know, I know, this is a completely ridiculous reason to critique the book, and I’m not knocking the book down for that. It is just interesting to read this book in 2014 and realize how far (and not so far) society has come in terms of accepting contraception methods such as Plan B.
The thing I personally enjoyed the most about this book is the way Ms. Cain humanizes infertility. Infertility today is something that isn’t talked about much in many circles. Ms. Cain acknowledges these reasons in her book: people feel shame they are unable to conceive, they don’t want to seem unhappy for family members/friends who are able to conceive, they don’t know how to articulate their grief, etc. These are the ‘childless by chance’, and they have heard everyone’s well-meaning (or not so well-meaning) entreaties that it is “God’s will” or “Just relax” or “why don’t you just adopt?”
Ms. Cain refutes or addresses all of the above comments and questions deftly, not by citing infertility statistics or the unlikelihood of conceiving after 40 solely, but by interviewing women who have gone through and are going through these issues themselves. Logically, I know the reasons why people may continue to subject themselves to round after round of fertility treatments, or why people may choose against adoption, but in the back of my mind, I thought some of the same (unintentional but cavalier) thoughts of those who don’t suffer from infertility.
Ms. Cain lets the (all women) interviewees answer for themselves, and the answers are at times heart-wrenching. Imagine wanting something that others, for the majority of the people around you, have so easily. Imagine wanting it so bad, and having it be so easy for so many people to get, but never ever getting it. Imagine it’s all you’ve ever wanted, you would do anything, pay any amount, subject yourself to painful treatments, and still never get what you want. That is what it is like for the women Ms. Cain interviews in the ‘Childless by Chance’ chapter of her book, and I appreciated the candid interviews.
I admit, for the adamantly childfree, this may not be the book for them. Ms. Cain is at times glib about the reasons why women are childless by choice, and the way she wrote was off-putting to me a few times. Perhaps the term ‘childfree’ wasn’t used in 2001 (the year the book was published), and for that I give Ms. Cain a pass. Ms. Cain does do an admirable job of explaining why women choose not to have children: passion for their work, environmental reasons, religious reasons. I actually liked that Ms. Cain took the unconventional route and interviewed woman who said, “yeah, I really don’t like kids, and that’s why I don’t want them.” I haven’t read many childfree/childless by choice books that articulate that, because ‘not liking children’ is still a taboo subject, even in 2014. For being one of the first books (that I’ve read) to address the childless by choice, Ms. Cain does a solid job, it’s just not the first book I would go to if I were adamantly childfree.
However, if you or someone you know are experiencing infertility, Ms. Cain deftly addresses the issue and puts a humanizing face on the experience. It’s painful, it’s raw, and, in my mind, ultimately cruel how some amazing families are denied the ability to be a (biological) parent, yet others have children like it’s no big deal and treat their kids like trash. As someone who hasn’t experienced infertility, and only knows one person who’s gone through infertility treatments, I feel Ms. Cain’s book puts me in a better position to respond in an appropriate way to infertile couples, whereas before I probably would have been awkward and changed the subject.
Ultimately, Ms. Cain does an excellent job describing the various scenarios that lead people to be childless, whether it be by choice, by chance (infertility), or by happenstance (it just did not happen, whether because of a bad childhood or not finding the right person to have a baby with). She also includes a chapter on misconceptions of those who are childless, which is well-worth reading, particularly if you simply cannot fathom anyone who would choose to not have children.
March 28, 2015
This book lacked the substance I had wanted from it.
I understand that there isn't a ton of information (or studies) about childless/childfree women, but anecdotal evidence is not nearly as interesting to read.
I didn't find the writing style to be particularly engaging either. I am one of those who would like a childfree existence and found this book fell flat. The bias of the author toward having children, feeling that children need a father figure and feeling that all women want to mothers (at least the author acknowledged this one) made it hard to enjoy.
As a adopted individual I found a very negative tone overall toward adoption. The book felt like it spent far more time on individual who wanted, but could not have children for whatever reason. I had hoped to hear more about those individuals who chose to be childfree.
The book is very dated as well. Look for something more current. Good luck in your search!
I understand that there isn't a ton of information (or studies) about childless/childfree women, but anecdotal evidence is not nearly as interesting to read.
I didn't find the writing style to be particularly engaging either. I am one of those who would like a childfree existence and found this book fell flat. The bias of the author toward having children, feeling that children need a father figure and feeling that all women want to mothers (at least the author acknowledged this one) made it hard to enjoy.
As a adopted individual I found a very negative tone overall toward adoption. The book felt like it spent far more time on individual who wanted, but could not have children for whatever reason. I had hoped to hear more about those individuals who chose to be childfree.
The book is very dated as well. Look for something more current. Good luck in your search!
June 6, 2023
A fast read but was hoping for more diversity in discussion. She admittedly interviewed multiple generations but gave no real insight outside of her generation (boomer). She claimed her own personal understanding and beliefs surrounding childlessness were changed however the undertone remained the same that felt more dismissive and pitying instead of open minded to other lifestyles. And a bulk of the stories she included seemed to support that underlying belief that “women really want to have children deep down but…”
I think there was a lot more that could have been flushed out with this book however it fell short.
I think there was a lot more that could have been flushed out with this book however it fell short.
October 30, 2018
Written in 2001, this book had an optimistic prediction that childfree women were so much on the rise that we would soon be influencers of policy and culture. Unfortunately, this hasn’t happened and we are still a pronatal culture on worshipful Celebrity Baby Bump Watch. I am no more accepted by my peers than I was at the printing of this book, though now at 41, I am no longer told that I’ll change my mind when I reveal my childfree status.
My favorite paragraph in the book is:
“In nature we are genetically preprogrammed to reproduce . . . but the only place one actually has to insert a thought process is in making a decision NOT to reproduce—the cultural and the genetic messages are so very strong that you need real mental toughness to fight against these”.
Agreed. I’m a fighter.
My favorite paragraph in the book is:
“In nature we are genetically preprogrammed to reproduce . . . but the only place one actually has to insert a thought process is in making a decision NOT to reproduce—the cultural and the genetic messages are so very strong that you need real mental toughness to fight against these”.
Agreed. I’m a fighter.
September 14, 2017
An interesting understanding on why more women are choosing to live childfree/ or childless. It takes the reader into the minds of Endin Blighton and various other iconic women. This books provides the reader with a strong understanding on the importance to be openminded to women who do not have children for various reasons. The primary learning concept I took was that it is not selfish not to want to have a child rather it is selfless. In mordern times, we have created a view that women who desire not to have children are thinking about the overall health of society. Although this is debtable.
July 27, 2017
I will honestly admit to being bias as I don't have a desire to have children of my own but nonetheless, I was pleasantly surprised by this book. Cain does over 100 interviews with childless or Childfree women and gives insight into their frame of thought and reasons as to why they choose to live life Childfree and for those who sadly had no choice in the matter, they share their ways of coping with loss of control. This book was geared towards women but I think men would gain great insight into how certain women feel about the distinction between womanhood and motherhood.
August 2, 2018
This book was really neat to read. I did notice rather quickly it is incredibly outdated (published in 2001) and there has been quite a but of headway made since but it was good to see all of the various ways women through choice or not are without child.
December 30, 2019
This book was strange to read, since the author has children. It feels pitying, and was a little depressing. Not really a fun or informative read at this stage in the game. Shows the biases of even a few years ago.
July 4, 2019
3.5 stars
Interesting evaluation of the various aspects of being childfree and childless.
Interesting evaluation of the various aspects of being childfree and childless.
Read
February 20, 2021What a great informative books, showing all different angles. Read it in one sitting and realized I’m not alone.
March 22, 2023
Outdated now, and I skimmed a lot of it, but still interesting.
January 26, 2011
Title: The Childless Revolution: What It Means To Be Childless Today
Author: Madelyn Cain (2001)
Publisher: Perseus Publishing
ISBN# 0-7382-1460-9
Price: 24.00 USD and 36.50 CAD
Ratting: 4 out of 5
Well the first thing about the book that you might notice is that the author is in fact a a parent, she isn't herself childfree which is very much evident from her opening statement "About ever six months, I have dream that is essence is always the same: My husband announces to me, in some time frame before out wedding, that he does not wish to marry. The news devastates me. i am too old, I know in the dream, to find anyone else. Therefore, I will never be able to mother. In an instant, I am swirling, accurately aware of all that is lost to me. In the kind of reversal that only happens in a dream, the joys I have experienced mothering my daughter are sucked out of me in a blazing vortex and I keen for that which I cannot recapture and which is now denied me."
I do admit that for an opening statement it makes me not hold much interest in the book itself and for that reason it was hard to get started into the book itself let alone take what I was reading of any value in general since for me the books got a tainted view. Which might or might not be the actual case but from my own side of things it just didn't sit well reading a book on being childfree from a parents view even if she did do "research" and interviews of those who don't have children. It is good that she wrote the book in general and that she does talk about there being an option to be a parent vs being childfree - its good to read that there are some parents out there who support however limited that it is a choice that ones does make.
The author divides the book into three main categories those being "Choice", "Chance" and "Happenstance" which she breaks down into those who have made the choice to be childfree "Choice", the other are those who for what ever reason are unable to have a child of their own and choose not to adopt "Chance" and then then there are those who at one point in their life put off having a child because it just wasn't the right time to do so (didn't find the right partner, didn't feel stable economically to do so, etc) "Happenstance". The last part of the book is "Misconceptions" and covers some of the questions and assumptions that people who do not have children face from those who are parents.
Another thing that actually helped me to read the book though more then once was the statement at the start of the "Misconceptions" chapter where the author does state ""I thought every woman wanted children. I had a lot to learn." that statement actually brought its own light into the writing in general because the author actually acknowledged she "short comings" about what she thought about other women in general when it came to being a parent and the fact that she apparently did come to understand that she did make a choice in her life just as other's have made in theirs.
One thing that I really like about the book is that the author actually names some fair famous women in history who where in fact childfree for what ever reason was their own they choice to make an impact on the planet instead of becoming a parent. It makes one feel a little better if you are still not sure if you are childfree or not or even if you are just looking to know that you are not alone in the choices you have made.
The end of the book before she gives her final statement of her personal speaking says a lot about the book in general and the journey she herself went on in writing it " More women than ever are choosing a life that does not conform to the old standard. The time has come to absorb into our consciousness a new version of femaleness, one that is predicted on the measure of a woman's character, not on the issue of her body." that last statement to me sums up a whole lot of things about society as a whole and about women and our future.
I feel the author did a good job in writing the book and though she is a parent and her views on being a parent and other women who are not might have changed she at least is open enough it does feel from the writing and her final personal statements to the matter that she has given a vice to those who are not parents that someone who is a parent might actually put some weight on should they choose to read the book, because some times reading what a fellow parent has to say speaks louder to another parent then something which someone who isn't will ever speak to them.
I'd recommend this book to anyone who wonted to get a rounded experience on what it means to be a parent and be childfree, well worth reading for all that is for sure.
Author: Madelyn Cain (2001)
Publisher: Perseus Publishing
ISBN# 0-7382-1460-9
Price: 24.00 USD and 36.50 CAD
Ratting: 4 out of 5
Well the first thing about the book that you might notice is that the author is in fact a a parent, she isn't herself childfree which is very much evident from her opening statement "About ever six months, I have dream that is essence is always the same: My husband announces to me, in some time frame before out wedding, that he does not wish to marry. The news devastates me. i am too old, I know in the dream, to find anyone else. Therefore, I will never be able to mother. In an instant, I am swirling, accurately aware of all that is lost to me. In the kind of reversal that only happens in a dream, the joys I have experienced mothering my daughter are sucked out of me in a blazing vortex and I keen for that which I cannot recapture and which is now denied me."
I do admit that for an opening statement it makes me not hold much interest in the book itself and for that reason it was hard to get started into the book itself let alone take what I was reading of any value in general since for me the books got a tainted view. Which might or might not be the actual case but from my own side of things it just didn't sit well reading a book on being childfree from a parents view even if she did do "research" and interviews of those who don't have children. It is good that she wrote the book in general and that she does talk about there being an option to be a parent vs being childfree - its good to read that there are some parents out there who support however limited that it is a choice that ones does make.
The author divides the book into three main categories those being "Choice", "Chance" and "Happenstance" which she breaks down into those who have made the choice to be childfree "Choice", the other are those who for what ever reason are unable to have a child of their own and choose not to adopt "Chance" and then then there are those who at one point in their life put off having a child because it just wasn't the right time to do so (didn't find the right partner, didn't feel stable economically to do so, etc) "Happenstance". The last part of the book is "Misconceptions" and covers some of the questions and assumptions that people who do not have children face from those who are parents.
Another thing that actually helped me to read the book though more then once was the statement at the start of the "Misconceptions" chapter where the author does state ""I thought every woman wanted children. I had a lot to learn." that statement actually brought its own light into the writing in general because the author actually acknowledged she "short comings" about what she thought about other women in general when it came to being a parent and the fact that she apparently did come to understand that she did make a choice in her life just as other's have made in theirs.
One thing that I really like about the book is that the author actually names some fair famous women in history who where in fact childfree for what ever reason was their own they choice to make an impact on the planet instead of becoming a parent. It makes one feel a little better if you are still not sure if you are childfree or not or even if you are just looking to know that you are not alone in the choices you have made.
The end of the book before she gives her final statement of her personal speaking says a lot about the book in general and the journey she herself went on in writing it " More women than ever are choosing a life that does not conform to the old standard. The time has come to absorb into our consciousness a new version of femaleness, one that is predicted on the measure of a woman's character, not on the issue of her body." that last statement to me sums up a whole lot of things about society as a whole and about women and our future.
I feel the author did a good job in writing the book and though she is a parent and her views on being a parent and other women who are not might have changed she at least is open enough it does feel from the writing and her final personal statements to the matter that she has given a vice to those who are not parents that someone who is a parent might actually put some weight on should they choose to read the book, because some times reading what a fellow parent has to say speaks louder to another parent then something which someone who isn't will ever speak to them.
I'd recommend this book to anyone who wonted to get a rounded experience on what it means to be a parent and be childfree, well worth reading for all that is for sure.
November 16, 2015
I really liked this book, because when I choose this book I thought it would barley be interesting based on the tittle. When I started reading it, it was not at all what I thought it was going to be about. I thought it was about a revolution that had no children in it, but it is really about people that do not have children. I choose this book because I am interested in children, so I thought it would be interesting. I would recommend this book to anyone who likes to learn about reasons that people choose not to have children, and reasons people cannot choose whether or not they have children. I think the theme of the story is that if someone doesn't do something, do not automatically assume that they are not doing their part, or that they don't like what they need to do. Give them a chance to explain, because most of them have good reasons. At times in this book it reminds me of being in health class, because we talked about infertility for a day, and that is one of the reasons that people can be childless. I think that Madelyn Cain wrote this book because she wanted to get the message out that a women's purpose in life is not to have children, and that having children should be a choice for themselves. However, Madelyn Cain does not have anything against children. One lingering question I have after finishing this book is: If you are infertile and you really want children, how come the choice of adoption is so difficult to make?. Madelyn addressed this, but she never really gave strong reasons why it was so hard to make that choice. One thing that was good about Madelyn's writing is that she gave both view points, and she used a lot of facts and evidence to back up her claims. An important lesson I learned from this book is that you should not judge a person by what they do or don't have, because they might have reasons that you never would have even guessed. Something that surprised me was that I thought this book was going to be about a revolution with no children in it, but instead it was about reasons why people are childless.
abandoned-dnf
September 8, 2017Only took a few chapters to realize that this book isn't what I expected or am interested in reading. I thought it might be a sociological study of how women now have--and are actively choosing to exercise--procreation options and/or how this has changed other aspects of society (women in the workforce, demographics of families, etc.) Instead, it's mostly interviews with childless women, a sort of "confessional" blended with pop psychology with a passing nod to sociology.
Cain divides her topic into childless by choice (conscious decision), childless by chance (can't), and childless by happenstance (sort of a catch-all for "just never happened.") The bulk of the material is on the "childless by chance" category.
If you're looking for something that addresses the utter BS women who are child-free by choice routinely encounter from "I'm more important than you because I gave birth" women--those who think it's ok to dump their work on your desk because leaving work early for little Madison's soccer game trumps your child-free plans for the evening or who constantly tell you how you're going to regret your decision someday or will change your mind--you'll probably find this a very annoying book.
Cain divides her topic into childless by choice (conscious decision), childless by chance (can't), and childless by happenstance (sort of a catch-all for "just never happened.") The bulk of the material is on the "childless by chance" category.
If you're looking for something that addresses the utter BS women who are child-free by choice routinely encounter from "I'm more important than you because I gave birth" women--those who think it's ok to dump their work on your desk because leaving work early for little Madison's soccer game trumps your child-free plans for the evening or who constantly tell you how you're going to regret your decision someday or will change your mind--you'll probably find this a very annoying book.
September 15, 2013
This book is composed primarily of interview snippets held together in thematic chapters. What I found most interesting is how the way so many childless (or childfree, depending on what part of the book one is reading) women report being treated completely falls into line with my own experience.
Published in 2001, this book posits hope that women who do not have children will someday quit being looked at askance by society. Unfortunately, I don't think much has changed. I know things are better than they were in decades further past, but we've still not reached a point in civilization where women without children are accepted.
In my 20s I was alternately dismissed or judged as foolhardy for saying I did not want children. In my 30s, I've mostly been judged negatively when the topic of my childlessness comes up in conversation with strangers (who have absolutely no hesitation inquiring about my future plans for my uterus).
With reading Cain's book, I'm advised that by the time I hit my 40s I will primarily be an object of pity. Oh goody, I can hardly wait.
Published in 2001, this book posits hope that women who do not have children will someday quit being looked at askance by society. Unfortunately, I don't think much has changed. I know things are better than they were in decades further past, but we've still not reached a point in civilization where women without children are accepted.
In my 20s I was alternately dismissed or judged as foolhardy for saying I did not want children. In my 30s, I've mostly been judged negatively when the topic of my childlessness comes up in conversation with strangers (who have absolutely no hesitation inquiring about my future plans for my uterus).
With reading Cain's book, I'm advised that by the time I hit my 40s I will primarily be an object of pity. Oh goody, I can hardly wait.
September 4, 2008
Very descriptive about all types of childlessness and motivations behind the decisions. Well balanced and useful information. Puts a better understanding on the often undiscussed shift of women in the world moving towards childlessness. “As a society, however, we have not learned how to separate femininity from fertility when we define women.” “It’s terrible when childless women are referred to as barren. That’s like assuming you only have one crop to grow. Fertility may exist in many forms.” (A quote by Janice, one of the women interviewed for the book.) “Although 42.2 % of the adult female population is childless, these women – and the option – are still treated as though they do not exist.” Written by a woman who married late and after 8 years of fertility treatment was able to have a daughter.
September 23, 2011
Excellent book on the various views of women who are childfree/childless. The book breaks the differences down in to three main groups, those who are intentionally childfree, those who basically didn't get around to it, and those who can't have children. It then breaks it down further for various reasons. I found this to be a very well-written and fairly done. The author does have a child, but didn't make this book negative, and from what I've read, the book really opened her eyes to those who don't have children as well.
I would have liked to see more men's points of views on it, and she did touch on it in the final chapter under Misconceptions. It's a pity there aren't more books out about this. I also liked the discussion on what may end up being a revolution for those who want to be dealt fairly with regards to work and taxes being childfree versus parents.
I would have liked to see more men's points of views on it, and she did touch on it in the final chapter under Misconceptions. It's a pity there aren't more books out about this. I also liked the discussion on what may end up being a revolution for those who want to be dealt fairly with regards to work and taxes being childfree versus parents.
September 30, 2008
A good look into the lives of women who have never borne children. The author has separate sections devoted to the reasons why some women do not have children 1)by choice (a well-thought out decision), 2)chance (could not, though they wanted to) and 3) happenstance (those that may have had them, but never got married, never met the right guy, involved in career until too late, etc. etc. I was skeptical that the author would be biased since she has a child herself after desperate attempts to have one, but she manages to pull off an objective view. I applaud her efforts as she learned a lot in the process. All women should read this to learn more about women with no children. We are a growing group. My husband and I are happily childless/childfree by happenstance.
January 10, 2013
Madelyn Cain, who always wanted to be a mother (and is), couldn't understand why some women choose not to have children, which is what prompted the research and writing of this book. Of the over 100 women she interviewed, she divided them into women who are childless by choice, by chance (medical problems/infertility), or by happenstance (basically, didn't get around to having them in time; or married a man who had children from a previous marriage and didn't want more). Over the course of the book, and, I imagine, while meeting with the various women, her viewpoint changes. What I like is that she believes that women shouldn't be defined as to whether or not they have kids. Although published in 2000, the book is still very timely and was a quick, interesting read.
March 6, 2014
This book is not worth reading. I was looking for a meaty read about women who choose not to have children, or who don't have children and end up liking the situation. But this book in some ways reduces those who choose not to have children to "child haters", which um, no. And it spends MOST of the book on women the author calls "childless by happenstance", which obviously, is an interesting subset of childless women. But that's not really what I'm looking for.
Also, frankly, there's no studies in this book. There's a few anecdotes for each section. (I admit my heart sunk when I got the book [through ILL], because it's so slim and small it seemed impossible that it could contain any substance. And I was right. It doesn't. Don't read this.
Also, frankly, there's no studies in this book. There's a few anecdotes for each section. (I admit my heart sunk when I got the book [through ILL], because it's so slim and small it seemed impossible that it could contain any substance. And I was right. It doesn't. Don't read this.
February 3, 2011
The author had a daughter after several years of infertility and treatments. She examines the reasons and/or causes of childlessness. It's not a pronatalist-bashing book. Not at all. She classifies childfree women into three categories: choice, chance & happenstance. Some women have never wanted children, some are infertile or too ill to care for children (i.e. women with MS), and some are married to men who have children from a previous marriage and don't want anymore. Of course, there are many other scenarios that are discussed in the book. While it's not the most coherent writing, it's still a good read to understand the whys of childlessness.
December 1, 2011
This book was really good. It outlined the three different types of women who don't have children: those who are childless by chance (unable), those who are childless by choice (don't want children), and those who are childless by environment (those who may have wanted children but never had the opportunity, i.e. never met the right person, etc). It was interesting to read women's stories on being child-less and child-free and coping with being childless in a society that is centered around families. The author of the book is actually a mother and this book is an unbiased and nonjudgemental look into the lives of women without children. Great read for everyone!
August 22, 2012
The book was more just short snippets of stories of women without children rather than actually exploring the issues and facts. The last section though, that dealt with those women like me who had always known they wanted to be that way was a little better in that the author admits that she believed every woman wanted to be a mother and some just didn't get there through one reason or another until she started doing these interviews. This was the section where she brought out some more of the statistics and issues of perception, etc etc. Still not super solid and didn't give me any revelations, but the last section was worth actually reading, whereas I mostly skimmed the rest of the book.
May 16, 2015
For readers of this book, being a childfree lesbian woman is a lethal combination. This book is homophobic and heteronormative; the few lesbians she does interview seem to not accept their sexuality, and the author actually comes out and says that she believes children benefit from having a mother and father. The book is biased towards women who cannot have children, instead of those who choose not to have them, and as a childfree woman searching for acceptance, I did not feel accepted after reading this book. Although seemingly well researched, it was a poor execution and first read in the childless woman genre.
May 3, 2013
I appreciate the work that went into the book, but I agree with some of the other reviews, the author spent too much time on women who wanted children but for some reason were unable to have them, I too was hoping for more on the happy informative side that I come from.
I love that she openly admits that she was once the mother who thought that everyone wanted deep down to have kids and that she has changed her mind since researching the book. Now if others could take the time to realize their way is not the only way!
I love that she openly admits that she was once the mother who thought that everyone wanted deep down to have kids and that she has changed her mind since researching the book. Now if others could take the time to realize their way is not the only way!
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