Divine Dicks and Mortal Pricks

by Walburga Appleseed

This is a book about divine dicks, mortal pricks, and some epically long-suffering women.The Ancient Greek myths and epics have spent the last few thousand years focusing on all the testosterone and willy-waving that their so-called heroes got up to. Now, at long last, it’s time to shine a light on the goddesses, nymphs and queens who had to endure all that unwanted wooing, the wrath of vengeful gods, and a lot of straight-up misogyny without complaint – or at least none that was considered worth noting.

Is it really heroic to start a war just because the girl you like fancies someone else? And seriously, when will men stop fobbing off women's ideas as their own?

These are the Greek myths as you’ve never heard them before.

Genres: Mythology, Fantasy, Fiction, Humor, Feminism

144 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2024

Reviews

[Sherrie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Short and really funny! Loved this tongue in cheek look at Greek mythology through a feminist lens.

[Alison · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hahahahahahahaha

[Jo · Rating 5 out of 5]

This entertaining and marvellously illustrated book gives a brief overview of the misogyny in the Greek myths. Told in a humorous way it demonstrates why being a woman or a goddess in these times was not always the best deal. It's a short book and perfect to pick up when you want a quick read.

[Majajeon · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very (very) short and fun read

[Emma · Rating 1 out of 5]

It's not very accurate. It doesn't seem to have an understanding of Mythology and the idea this is a feministic way of revisiting the myths isn't well done, fails to mention any of the women being great-minded. Also still holds the focus on the men in the myths and hates on them.

If you want to get into feministic mythology I would look at other books rather than a half-baked humour one which misses the mark.

[Tasha · Rating 4 out of 5]

Greek myths that tell the stories a little differently and show you the real problem...men.

Hilarious, sarcastic, and probably more accurate than the originals 😂
Divine Dicks and Mortal Pricks is a quick read perfect for adding a little humour to your day.
Don't take it too seriously, it's only a joke 😉

Thanks to the publisher and author for gifting me a reading copy in exchange for an honest review, I was cackling while reading it!

[Charlotte Cooper · Rating 5 out of 5]

hilarious, exactly what i was thinking the entire degree tbh

[Aina · Rating 3 out of 5]

Short but hilarious

[Sophie Elaina · Rating 1 out of 5]

I would only really recommend this if your very new to Greek mythology and also if you have access to a physical copy. Don’t go the audiobook route. It’s very much a bunch of random sentences and random anecdotes that strung together sound like a weird rant with no breaths. However I’m pretty sure the hard copy version has illustrations to go alongside and I think that would make a big difference enjoyment wise. As a whole the humour just doesn’t hit, and maybe that’s because I’ve read quite a few Greek myth retellings that have much more complicated and interesting things to say, and actually engage and analyse the tales they are based on in diverse and interesting ways. This was very basic and fell very flat.

[Carrie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I thoroughly loved this book!! I received it as an arc & wasn't honestly expecting a format, initially expecting more of a novel i was happy to discover short snippets of stories with plentiful of information making it hilarious and easy to enjoy even if your knowledge of Greek myths isn't incredible!!
The art also was beautiful & I thoroughly enjoyed this brilliant book!!

[Paula Phillips · Rating 4 out of 5]

You know those cozy evenings when you're curled up with a cuppa, and you want something that's both clever and entertaining? Well, I found exactly that in Walburga Appleseed's delightfully irreverent romp through Greek mythology.

This isn't your dusty school textbook version of these ancient tales. Appleseed has taken the familiar stories we all half-remember – you know, the ones where Zeus couldn't keep it in his toga and everyone seemed to be related to everyone else – and flipped them on their head. Finally, someone's asking the questions that should have been asked millennia ago: Was Achilles really that heroic? And why on earth did the Trojan War start over what was essentially a cosmic temper tantrum?

What I absolutely loved about this book is how it centers the women who've been lurking in the margins of these stories for ages. The goddesses dealing with their philandering husbands, the nymphs trying to avoid unwanted attention, the queens managing kingdoms while the men were off having "adventures" – they all get their moment in the spotlight.

The tone is casual, snarky, and wonderfully modern without feeling forced. Yes, the title prepares you for some cheek, and Appleseed delivers with humor that had me chuckling into my tea more than once. But beneath the sass, there's genuine insight into how these ancient stories have shaped our culture and how differently they read when you actually pay attention to the women in them.

If you're looking for something that's equal parts enlightening and fun, that'll make you see old stories in a completely new light, pop this on your reading list. Just maybe don't read it in public unless you're comfortable with the occasional snort-laugh.

Perfect for fans of mythology retellings with bite, feminist humor, and anyone who's ever rolled their eyes at yet another "hero's" questionable behavior.

[Katie · Rating 1 out of 5]

I picked up Divine Dicks and Mortal Pricks expecting a sharp, witty, feminist lens on classical mythology—something that would elevate, reinterpret, or at least engage with the original stories in a meaningful way.

Instead, I got a collection of throwaway jabs barely strung together. This isn’t commentary, it’s an Instagram caption stretched across 100 pages. The "humor" is cheap, the tone is smug, and the women—who could have been reimagined with agency and power—are reduced to punchlines or footnotes, if they appear at all. There's no narrative structure, no thematic exploration, and no effort to do anything more than scoff at myth while offering absolutely nothing in return.

This isn’t literature. It’s skatá—waste pretending to be wit.
This "book" is better left unread.

[Monique Claire · Rating 3 out of 5]

This wasn’t quite what I expected but I did enjoy it.

It’s a very (like very very) easy read; some pages have 3-4 words on them. But hey, sometimes that all you need after a long day.

A great concise summary of Greek Mythology and a witty way to break it all down.

I liked the humour throughout, its light hearted tone and the subtle innuendos. I liked that the author took a different angle on the Greek gods and highlighted their imperfections (and their absolutely terrible treatment of women). To me I appreciated that the gods we have learnt about could be knocked down a few pegs and there is finally something that focuses on the women.

I mean we are all aware that Zeus he is a dick and that’s not something we should idolise.

[Marina Doneda · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm torn on rating this. If I had known what it was going in: 4 stars. I laughed out loud; it was clever. But, I really thought this was going to be a deep dive into more of these myths, not a series of extremely short poems. Once I realized what it was, I enjoyed it, but it took up a spot on my Libby holds for 2 months and took me 15 minutes to read.
Note-If you aren't up to date on your Homer or Greek Myths, most of the poems will go right over your head.

[Ruby · Rating 2 out of 5]

Greek Mythology AND feminism? SOLD.

Unfortunately this book was a little disappointing to me. I expected more story-telling and general feminine badassery, but it was a very short, maybe 10 minute, read. The format is almost reminiscent of a children's story/picture book (though the content is anything but appropriate for kids).

Don't get me wrong, it was definitely funny, but if I had known how short it was I would not have bought it and maybe just read it on the Everand app.

[Emma Ludlow · Rating 4 out of 5]

A quick and amusing read. Actually laughed out loud at her use of the word "mythogyny". It really is an in a nutshell look at the key Greek myth "heroes" and the suffering women who have to put up with their shit. Bit of an eye opener to anyone who hasn't read the myths by Homer, Ovid, Stephen Fry! etc. But for anyone who has it is a bit of a chuckle reading this. A solid 3.5 stars.

[Karoline · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was super entertaining, and fun! An easy read.
Very ironic, don't take this too seriously. Especially if you are new to and interested in Greek mythology, this is fun and simple.
However, sometimes I wish there was a bit more depth. However, I do see what the author wanted to do here. It is refreshing and charming.

[Sanna-Mari · Rating 3 out of 5]

On a suface level this books sounds excellent and I did get few hearty laughs - but there should have a little bit a lot more. If this wasn't a book checked out from a library I'd feel duped. The page count was low and there could have been more...of everything.

I do however appriciate the feminist jokes, sublime black humour.

[H · Rating 5 out of 5]

Yes, it’s comic flash fiction, but underlying the wit is a heartfelt critique of what behaviour we’re taught to find impressive or manly. The cheeky illustrations are a wonderful complement to the text.
(This one is for feminist fans of the Greek myths, NOT for children.)

[Liina · Rating 1 out of 5]

This doesn't work at all as an audiobook! I randomly picked this up on Bookbeat, and was very confused. Googling confirmed what I suspected - there's supposed to be illustrations. Without them this is 24 minutes of bizarre free verse.

[Sarah Tee · Rating 5 out of 5]

It is a short book.. maybe 15-20 minutes of reading.
But 20 minutes of laughing. Each page I laughed. “The Williad” was a brilliant play on words. A nice comical book to get me out of a reading slump.

[Hajime · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hilarious!

[reni · Rating 4 out of 5]

short and fun

[Emma · Rating 3 out of 5]

A short entertaining overview of greek Mythology

[Sammy Jones · Rating 2 out of 5]

I gave an extra star as it got me a book closer to my end of year reading goal.

[Enya · Rating 2 out of 5]

If your name isn't Walburga Appleseed, are you even alive?

[Carol Ogden · Rating 3 out of 5]

Comic Flash Fiction. Illustrations and narrative are funny. A super fast read that pokes fun at Greek mythology.

[Lauren]

Very short but a fun overview of Greek mythology from a different perspective!

[Rebecca Goss · Rating 3 out of 5]

Loved this book and it was honestly really fun. Quick little read that I really enjoyed.

[Nav · Rating 5 out of 5]

The sarcasm is on point (which is admittedly easier when you keep it short instead of trying to stretch things out).