What do you think?
Rate this book
Ti ameranno (Blu Atlantide)
Il sogno dell’adolescente Carlisle Martin è quello di diventare una ballerina professionista, proprio come sua madre. Confinata in Ohio, vede suo padre Robert poche settimane l’anno, solo quando visita New York e il Greenwich Village, dove l’uomo vive col suo nuovo compagno, James.È proprio James, uomo brillante ma problematico, a trasmettere a Carlisle tutto ciò che ha di più caro nella la letteratura, la musica e, sopra ogni cosa, la danza. Quello che Carlisle vorrebbe più di tutto però è essere invitata a rimanere con loro, però non solo questo non accade, ma qualcosa crea fra padre e figlia una frattura profonda e insanabile. Quasi venti anni dopo, quando Carlisle è una donna adulta che ha rinunciato al suo sogno per diventare invece una coreografa, riceve una telefonata che la costringe a rivivere quell’estate in cui il suo rapporto con il padre fino allora così adorato si è spezzato e le permette di vedere con occhi nuovi come la propria giovinezza abbia influenzato la persona che è diventata. Divisa tra il risentimento e l’amore, Carlisle dovrà dunque prendere una difficile decisione e scegliere se perdonare Robert per averla esclusa dalla vita sua e di James o rimanere nella bolla di lontananza e risentimento verso il padre e tutto ciò che poteva essere e non è stato. Danzando sulla vita è un romanzo di un’intensità assoluta al cui centro c’è una domanda quale è il prezzo del perdono, dell’ambizione e dell’amore?
275 pages, Kindle Edition
First published November 15, 2022
1057 people are currently reading
61129 people want to read
About the author
Meg Howrey
7 books412 followersMeg Howrey is the author of the novel They're Going to Love You, and the novels The Wanderers, The Cranes Dance, and Blind Sight. Her writing has appeared in The New York Times, Granta, The Harvard Review, Vogue, and The Los Angeles Review of Books. She currently lives in Los Angeles.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 3,029 reviews
May 30, 2023
if a book is under 300 pages, categorized as lit fic, and looking pretty, i'm sold.
on top of all of those signs of perfection, this is also about characters who center their lives about interesting things i know nothing about, which is the best possible subject there is.
this book is full of art and cities and friendships and love and womanhood and motherhood and fatherhood and family and WOW.
this was just striking and cozy and unputdownable, and i found its slower and sillier moments very forgivable for that reason.
bottom line: another win for judging by covers.
4.5
on top of all of those signs of perfection, this is also about characters who center their lives about interesting things i know nothing about, which is the best possible subject there is.
this book is full of art and cities and friendships and love and womanhood and motherhood and fatherhood and family and WOW.
this was just striking and cozy and unputdownable, and i found its slower and sillier moments very forgivable for that reason.
bottom line: another win for judging by covers.
4.5
September 25, 2022
I don’t know a lot about the world of ballet, but Meg Howrey who danced ballet professionally, does a wonderful job of leading us through this world and this story of a family of ballet dancers and choreographers. The AIDS epidemic is also depicted in a New York City setting of the 1980’s. While these things are certainly an integral part of the story, the core of the novel for me was the complicated relationships within a family. Father and daughter, mother and daughter, a young girl and her father’s partner, her father and his partner. I didn’t like the characters at times, but did at others. I felt for them at times, was mad at them at other times for expecting so much from each other. I felt the most for Carlisle as a young girl trying to find a place of belonging with her father, Robert and his partner James as she is never made to feel a part of her mother’s new life. “What I totally get is that my father loves James best and James loves Robert best and Isabel loves Yuto and Ben best and everyone I know has someone they love best. I'm no one's best.” Heartbreaking to feel that alienated from your family. I felt for her as an adult estranged from her father for years and distant from her mother, as she still searches for belonging and struggles to know who she is.
All of the characters are burdened in a way over the thing they love by not being able to dance, burdened by their relationships. The art and creativity is stifled by things that happen or by each other. The title is one to reflect on. A well written and satisfying story.
I read this with Diane and it was good to find one that we both quite liked especially after two that we didn’t love so much. As always a pleasure to discuss our thoughts.
I received an advanced copy of this book from Doubleday through NetGalley.
All of the characters are burdened in a way over the thing they love by not being able to dance, burdened by their relationships. The art and creativity is stifled by things that happen or by each other. The title is one to reflect on. A well written and satisfying story.
I read this with Diane and it was good to find one that we both quite liked especially after two that we didn’t love so much. As always a pleasure to discuss our thoughts.
I received an advanced copy of this book from Doubleday through NetGalley.
October 16, 2022
The beginning of this novel created a visual experience for me —
The center of American Ballet was in New York — and the center New York Ballet was George Balanchine, a Russian who created a world-class ballet company and a school to train dancers.
We meet protagonist, Carlisle Martin. Her mother, Isabel danced with Balanchine. Carlisle, too, would have loved to dance with Balanchine. Although a good ballet dancer, with a beautiful ballet physique, she didn’t quite have the proficiency or confidence in her own skills as much as her mother had had.
Carlisle lived in Ohio with her mother….(who later re-married Ben - when Carlisle was twelve years old….and they had a baby boy together: Yuto. Being a new older sister felt oddly foreign to Carlisle — an outsider as well.
It was understandable that Carlisle cherished her summer vacations in New York — with her father, Robert. (who once danced and managed the LaGrange Ballet…until later he ran a dance festival in upstate New York.
It was pure magical summer-fun for Carlisle as a teenage girl to spend time in New York with her father — and his partner, James.
She was always greeted with enthusiasm from their two cats: Olga and Maria.
Carlisle didn’t understand GAY…or PASSING…or AIDS yet….but in time.
Robert and James lived in a four story brownstone, in Greenwich Village, They named their large-[room for dance practice]-apt. BANK STREET.
The apartment was purchased in 1975 by James’ father with money from an inheritance. (later in the book there will be friction and complications about this property) —but for many years, Carlisle’s best days were staying with Robert and James. She had her own ‘Carlisle’ bedroom that was appropriately - age - updated with each year Carlisle got a little older. Those ‘alive’ happy festive summer days — with dinner parties - fun adult friends that James and Robert invited over to Bank Street — we’re glamorously enriching
Back in Ohio ….Carlisle never saw men hold hands or call each other honey.
And back in Ohio, her mom was busy with a new baby.
So….ooooooo....
.......I liked the setting in the beginning.
As Carlisle got older, (a professional choreographer living in Los Angeles)….the storytelling, (over-written),
the writing [long rambling descriptions of inconsequential things], slow pacing, more telling and less showing, events that didn’t build cohesively together, cliches, overly mambo-jumbo melodrama, professional name dropping that felt flat [showy rather than purposeful], and a puzzling plot…..(Carlisle and her father were estranged for nineteen years)….
It took much too long —to learn ‘anything’ about the estrangement— (other than we know there was a betrayal) and when we ‘finally’ do learn what happened—it seemed insignificant.
I felt it was ‘rude’ to drag out the major plot for more than half the book….only to fill the prose with ‘impressive’ Ballet jargon…..and other unnecessary details that had little to do with the overall story.
BORING…moments danced side-by-side with substantial moments.
For example — who knows much about “Pavane”?
[a stately dance in slow duple time, popular in the 16th and 17th centuries and performed in elaborate clothing]
Boring storytelling choices were intertwine throughout this novel.
A couple more examples:
“Afternoon in Los Angeles. I am doing a pavane in my living room because of this job coming up where I need to provide Baroque choreography for a movie. I’ve been told strict historical accuracy isn’t as important to the director as ‘wit’, which could mean absolutely anything at all (including strict historical accuracy), so I need to have options ready”.
Or…
“The guy who delivers pot to my employer’s son tells me his cat sitter also did ballet. My employer is an enormously wealthy widow who runs a charitable arts organization. James was right: art in America has always relied on gorgons”.
What? Gorgons? Greek mythology? Snakes?
Really? That’s art in America?
A gorgons head is a symbol of terror, death, …..used to ward off evil.
Art is a dangerous threat in America?
The storytelling often just got not only mundane but ridiculous.
I know next to nothing about editing — but this book needed more re-writes and a seriously skilled editor.
The best parts of the storytelling were the psychological inquiries into troubled relationships:
Carlisle’s father was dying. And not only was she estranged from him for 19 years but she pushed her mother away as well.
“I was a disloyal daughter to her too. I allied myself with men who let me into their lives for two weeks a year. I pushed her away and she let me do it too easily, which I resented”.
I kept reading through my disappointments. Some plot developments didn’t make sense or should have been explained more…and the ending was anti-climatic.
2.5 stars ….rating up to 3 average stars with flaws.
The center of American Ballet was in New York — and the center New York Ballet was George Balanchine, a Russian who created a world-class ballet company and a school to train dancers.
We meet protagonist, Carlisle Martin. Her mother, Isabel danced with Balanchine. Carlisle, too, would have loved to dance with Balanchine. Although a good ballet dancer, with a beautiful ballet physique, she didn’t quite have the proficiency or confidence in her own skills as much as her mother had had.
Carlisle lived in Ohio with her mother….(who later re-married Ben - when Carlisle was twelve years old….and they had a baby boy together: Yuto. Being a new older sister felt oddly foreign to Carlisle — an outsider as well.
It was understandable that Carlisle cherished her summer vacations in New York — with her father, Robert. (who once danced and managed the LaGrange Ballet…until later he ran a dance festival in upstate New York.
It was pure magical summer-fun for Carlisle as a teenage girl to spend time in New York with her father — and his partner, James.
She was always greeted with enthusiasm from their two cats: Olga and Maria.
Carlisle didn’t understand GAY…or PASSING…or AIDS yet….but in time.
Robert and James lived in a four story brownstone, in Greenwich Village, They named their large-[room for dance practice]-apt. BANK STREET.
The apartment was purchased in 1975 by James’ father with money from an inheritance. (later in the book there will be friction and complications about this property) —but for many years, Carlisle’s best days were staying with Robert and James. She had her own ‘Carlisle’ bedroom that was appropriately - age - updated with each year Carlisle got a little older. Those ‘alive’ happy festive summer days — with dinner parties - fun adult friends that James and Robert invited over to Bank Street — we’re glamorously enriching
Back in Ohio ….Carlisle never saw men hold hands or call each other honey.
And back in Ohio, her mom was busy with a new baby.
So….ooooooo....
.......I liked the setting in the beginning.
As Carlisle got older, (a professional choreographer living in Los Angeles)….the storytelling, (over-written),
the writing [long rambling descriptions of inconsequential things], slow pacing, more telling and less showing, events that didn’t build cohesively together, cliches, overly mambo-jumbo melodrama, professional name dropping that felt flat [showy rather than purposeful], and a puzzling plot…..(Carlisle and her father were estranged for nineteen years)….
It took much too long —to learn ‘anything’ about the estrangement— (other than we know there was a betrayal) and when we ‘finally’ do learn what happened—it seemed insignificant.
I felt it was ‘rude’ to drag out the major plot for more than half the book….only to fill the prose with ‘impressive’ Ballet jargon…..and other unnecessary details that had little to do with the overall story.
BORING…moments danced side-by-side with substantial moments.
For example — who knows much about “Pavane”?
[a stately dance in slow duple time, popular in the 16th and 17th centuries and performed in elaborate clothing]
Boring storytelling choices were intertwine throughout this novel.
A couple more examples:
“Afternoon in Los Angeles. I am doing a pavane in my living room because of this job coming up where I need to provide Baroque choreography for a movie. I’ve been told strict historical accuracy isn’t as important to the director as ‘wit’, which could mean absolutely anything at all (including strict historical accuracy), so I need to have options ready”.
Or…
“The guy who delivers pot to my employer’s son tells me his cat sitter also did ballet. My employer is an enormously wealthy widow who runs a charitable arts organization. James was right: art in America has always relied on gorgons”.
What? Gorgons? Greek mythology? Snakes?
Really? That’s art in America?
A gorgons head is a symbol of terror, death, …..used to ward off evil.
Art is a dangerous threat in America?
The storytelling often just got not only mundane but ridiculous.
I know next to nothing about editing — but this book needed more re-writes and a seriously skilled editor.
The best parts of the storytelling were the psychological inquiries into troubled relationships:
Carlisle’s father was dying. And not only was she estranged from him for 19 years but she pushed her mother away as well.
“I was a disloyal daughter to her too. I allied myself with men who let me into their lives for two weeks a year. I pushed her away and she let me do it too easily, which I resented”.
I kept reading through my disappointments. Some plot developments didn’t make sense or should have been explained more…and the ending was anti-climatic.
2.5 stars ….rating up to 3 average stars with flaws.
October 18, 2022
Meg Howrey immerses the reader in the world of ballet, art and the price it exacts, ambition, love, identity, the tangled complex nature of family dynamics and relationships, forgiveness, and identity, in this character driven novel. Howrey's background as a professional dancer informs the narrative that shifts from the past and the present, set in New York City during the 1980s amidst the despair and devastation of the Aids Crisis. Carlisle Martin lives in Ohio with her mother after the end of her parents short lived marriage, as a child feeling very much the outsider, she lives for the time, a few prized weeks, she spent with her father, Robert, and his long term partner, James, at their Bank Street home. She is drawn particularly to James and all that she learns from him, dazzled by the glamour of their NYC lifestyle, she desires nothing more than to be with them all of the time, seeking to be loved and to belong.
In the present, Carlisle is in her 40s, whilst fiercely wanting to be a ballet dancer when she was younger, she has built a career as a professional choreographer in her 40s, and she has been estranged from her father for two decades. She now learns that Robert is dying, and although it takes a little too long, we finally discover out what lies at the heart of their separation. This is a story of New York, passion, betrayal, grief, and forgiveness, a family legacy rooted in dance, health, identity and personal development. Howrey takes us right into Carlisle's head and her thoughts, capturing her drive and obsession, and how she eventually manages to carve her own place in a profession that is both challenging and demanding, where sacrifices are a necessity.
This will appeal to readers drawn to and are interested in ballet and the culture of the profession, and how lives are shaped by it, and the repercussions of the obsession it breeds. However, it is far from a completely satisfying read, it has pacing issues, and the reasons that lies behind Carlisle and Robert's separation through such a long time to me seemed to be rather over played. However, I did find it an engaging and engrossing read, particularly when it came to familial relationships, love, the heartbreak, the flawed characters, the aids crisis, and the richly detailed insights into the world of ballet. Many thanks to the publisher for an ARC.
In the present, Carlisle is in her 40s, whilst fiercely wanting to be a ballet dancer when she was younger, she has built a career as a professional choreographer in her 40s, and she has been estranged from her father for two decades. She now learns that Robert is dying, and although it takes a little too long, we finally discover out what lies at the heart of their separation. This is a story of New York, passion, betrayal, grief, and forgiveness, a family legacy rooted in dance, health, identity and personal development. Howrey takes us right into Carlisle's head and her thoughts, capturing her drive and obsession, and how she eventually manages to carve her own place in a profession that is both challenging and demanding, where sacrifices are a necessity.
This will appeal to readers drawn to and are interested in ballet and the culture of the profession, and how lives are shaped by it, and the repercussions of the obsession it breeds. However, it is far from a completely satisfying read, it has pacing issues, and the reasons that lies behind Carlisle and Robert's separation through such a long time to me seemed to be rather over played. However, I did find it an engaging and engrossing read, particularly when it came to familial relationships, love, the heartbreak, the flawed characters, the aids crisis, and the richly detailed insights into the world of ballet. Many thanks to the publisher for an ARC.
May 5, 2025
under 300 pages, well written, and moving. what more could you ask for?
December 27, 2024
$4.19 @ Libro.fm
Carlisle lives in Ohio with her mother, a former Balanchine ballerina. Those familiar with ballet will know the Balanchine Method. I'm partial to the Vaganova Method, but that isn't relevant to this review.
She spends weeks each year visiting her father and his partner, James, in their Greenwich Village apartment. The AIDS crisis is steadily growing around them during this period. As everyone in the family is involved in ballet in some way or other, Carlisle begins to dance.
This is a story told in two parts. In the past, she splits her time between Ohio and New York. In present day, where she is estranged from her father and Robert, it is mostly set in Los Angeles. For a mostly enjoyable book, I found each of the characters rather unlikeable. If you have children, parent. If you don't want to parent, don't have children. Simple, yes?
📖 Thank you to Goodreads and Doubleday
Carlisle lives in Ohio with her mother, a former Balanchine ballerina. Those familiar with ballet will know the Balanchine Method. I'm partial to the Vaganova Method, but that isn't relevant to this review.
She spends weeks each year visiting her father and his partner, James, in their Greenwich Village apartment. The AIDS crisis is steadily growing around them during this period. As everyone in the family is involved in ballet in some way or other, Carlisle begins to dance.
This is a story told in two parts. In the past, she splits her time between Ohio and New York. In present day, where she is estranged from her father and Robert, it is mostly set in Los Angeles. For a mostly enjoyable book, I found each of the characters rather unlikeable. If you have children, parent. If you don't want to parent, don't have children. Simple, yes?
📖 Thank you to Goodreads and Doubleday
July 3, 2023
complicated father/child relationships, my kryptonite
oh the price i pay for seeking books that make me feel like the movie Aftersun made me feel. the price of course being crying for two hours straight.
this was beautiful in every meaning of the word and if i obsess over every single one of its subtleties for months to come then who is going to stop me.
read as part of 202-Queer 🌈✨
oh the price i pay for seeking books that make me feel like the movie Aftersun made me feel. the price of course being crying for two hours straight.
this was beautiful in every meaning of the word and if i obsess over every single one of its subtleties for months to come then who is going to stop me.
read as part of 202-Queer 🌈✨
September 29, 2022
What price are you willing to pay for your art? For love? To belong?
These are all questions, themes explored in this novel, most especially for Carlisle. Have to say I love the name Carlisle. The background is 1980 New York, amidst the AIDs crisis, and she must navigate the queer relationship between James and her father Robert. She also wants to succeed in her craft as her mother was a successful ballerina who danced for Balachine, a lofty goal with which to live. Carlisle lives between these two different worlds, becomes close to James and forges a relationship with her father, but then everything changes. She and her father will become estranged for many years until James calls to tell her that Robert is going to soon die.
The author expertly develops the tension in this story, and the development of Carlisle from young girl to adult. We want to keep reading to find out what happened to divide Carlisle from her father. To find out what happens in Carlisle's career, will she succeed. It is written in a tender manner, if there are villains, they are the villains of misunderstanding and unrealistic expectations. The villains of an epidemic whose cost was so high. Artistic sensibilities and high emotion. A book that creeps up on one and holds tight.
Read with Angela and as our last two reads did not live up to our expectations we both gratefully loved this one.
ARC from Netgalley.
These are all questions, themes explored in this novel, most especially for Carlisle. Have to say I love the name Carlisle. The background is 1980 New York, amidst the AIDs crisis, and she must navigate the queer relationship between James and her father Robert. She also wants to succeed in her craft as her mother was a successful ballerina who danced for Balachine, a lofty goal with which to live. Carlisle lives between these two different worlds, becomes close to James and forges a relationship with her father, but then everything changes. She and her father will become estranged for many years until James calls to tell her that Robert is going to soon die.
The author expertly develops the tension in this story, and the development of Carlisle from young girl to adult. We want to keep reading to find out what happened to divide Carlisle from her father. To find out what happens in Carlisle's career, will she succeed. It is written in a tender manner, if there are villains, they are the villains of misunderstanding and unrealistic expectations. The villains of an epidemic whose cost was so high. Artistic sensibilities and high emotion. A book that creeps up on one and holds tight.
Read with Angela and as our last two reads did not live up to our expectations we both gratefully loved this one.
ARC from Netgalley.
January 11, 2024
third book of the year has already made me cry and have to stare at a wall after finishing it, we’re off to an amazing start
August 17, 2024
i don’t remember the last time i cried this hard // rtc
April 1, 2022
This, folks, is a masterpiece. Howrey's latest is a moving and elegant page-turner, propelled by unforgettable characters, a uniquely rendered setting, and her usual brilliant writing. Books like this don't come around often enough. I implore you, please go to your local indie store or bookshop.org, and pre-order it now.
July 31, 2022
3.5 stars. I've enjoyed Howrey's previous novels and there's a lot here to enjoy but for me, there were a few structural things that didn't fully work for me.
As in THE CRANES DANCE, you can tell that Howrey used to be a professional dancer. It was nice to come back to that because she writes so well about dance. Every character here is a dancer. Carlisle's mother Isabel and father Robert met in dance, she with Balanchine and he running a company after a career as a dancer. We watch Carlisle grow up some, her short-lived marriage over, her mother leaving ballet after an injury to be a physical therapist in Ohio. Her father, Robert, is still a figure in the dance world and lives with his partner, James. As a child in the 80's Carlisle visits them in New York City twice a year, they are devoted to one another, which has extra layers of meaning during the AIDS crisis.
You can really luxuriate in these sections, Carlisle is enamored with James in particular, and she loves staying with them. But as she gets older she becomes more resentful (as she should!) of the way James and Robert breeze in and out of her life, never really being parents.
We also encounter Carlisle in her 40's, a professional choreographer, which no longer guarantees a livable income. She has carved out a place for herself but has been estranged from her father for two decades, and now finds that he is dying and must decide what to do.
This is where I struggled with the novel. We have to wait until more than halfway through the novel to find out where the estrangement came from. This is risky, to build up an event like this, which Carlisle tells us is an act of betrayal by all three of them, and the reader can turn it into something bigger than it is. When we get to it, it ties into big and important things, yes, but I couldn't make sense of it. Carlisle does what any 24-year-old would do. Robert is far, far too harsh. And yet she still blames herself for decades. Okay, so Carlisle admits she's never had good enough health insurance for therapy, and I get that she hasn't dealt with it. She I can understand. But I was puzzled at how Robert and James can keep up this estrangement for so long. All the details come so late that I spent much of the end of the novel trying to figure out how such a long estrangement came from such ultimately insignificant actions.
I was very angry at James and Robert at the end of the novel, which is the opposite of where you need to be, as it's all about figuring out how to forgive people who want to forgive you, whether or not you're ready. The book and I just weren't in sync, I am not sure if it's me or if we shouldn't have had this information earlier, if we should have had a little more time to process it.
Still, I loved the way Howrey wrote about Carlisle's work, the way we get to see her creative process.
Note this novel contains attempted suicide in addition to the other things I've noted.
As in THE CRANES DANCE, you can tell that Howrey used to be a professional dancer. It was nice to come back to that because she writes so well about dance. Every character here is a dancer. Carlisle's mother Isabel and father Robert met in dance, she with Balanchine and he running a company after a career as a dancer. We watch Carlisle grow up some, her short-lived marriage over, her mother leaving ballet after an injury to be a physical therapist in Ohio. Her father, Robert, is still a figure in the dance world and lives with his partner, James. As a child in the 80's Carlisle visits them in New York City twice a year, they are devoted to one another, which has extra layers of meaning during the AIDS crisis.
You can really luxuriate in these sections, Carlisle is enamored with James in particular, and she loves staying with them. But as she gets older she becomes more resentful (as she should!) of the way James and Robert breeze in and out of her life, never really being parents.
We also encounter Carlisle in her 40's, a professional choreographer, which no longer guarantees a livable income. She has carved out a place for herself but has been estranged from her father for two decades, and now finds that he is dying and must decide what to do.
This is where I struggled with the novel. We have to wait until more than halfway through the novel to find out where the estrangement came from. This is risky, to build up an event like this, which Carlisle tells us is an act of betrayal by all three of them, and the reader can turn it into something bigger than it is. When we get to it, it ties into big and important things, yes, but I couldn't make sense of it. Carlisle does what any 24-year-old would do. Robert is far, far too harsh. And yet she still blames herself for decades. Okay, so Carlisle admits she's never had good enough health insurance for therapy, and I get that she hasn't dealt with it. She I can understand. But I was puzzled at how Robert and James can keep up this estrangement for so long. All the details come so late that I spent much of the end of the novel trying to figure out how such a long estrangement came from such ultimately insignificant actions.
I was very angry at James and Robert at the end of the novel, which is the opposite of where you need to be, as it's all about figuring out how to forgive people who want to forgive you, whether or not you're ready. The book and I just weren't in sync, I am not sure if it's me or if we shouldn't have had this information earlier, if we should have had a little more time to process it.
Still, I loved the way Howrey wrote about Carlisle's work, the way we get to see her creative process.
Note this novel contains attempted suicide in addition to the other things I've noted.
January 1, 2023
i've never been interested in ballet or any other sort of dance, yet there's something about this book that keeps me wanting to read more. the author, a former professional ballet dancer, did an excellent job of portraying to readers what it's really like in the world of ballet. this novel is about a girl named carlisle, who aspires to be a professional ballet dancer just like her mother. her parents are separated; each has lives and families of their own—and carlisle feels like no one loves her best. (in short, she both has mommy and daddy issues)
one thing i loved about this book is the complexity of human relationships and dynamics conveyed. i don't want to give away the entire plot of the novel, but it's focused on family, betrayal, dreams, passion, and the price you're willing to pay for art, love, and finding your identity.
even if you know nothing about dances in general or ballet in particular, this book will hit your heart in ways that know where to hit directly. (3.5-4 stars)
* huge thanks to doubleday books for sending me an arc!
one thing i loved about this book is the complexity of human relationships and dynamics conveyed. i don't want to give away the entire plot of the novel, but it's focused on family, betrayal, dreams, passion, and the price you're willing to pay for art, love, and finding your identity.
even if you know nothing about dances in general or ballet in particular, this book will hit your heart in ways that know where to hit directly. (3.5-4 stars)
* huge thanks to doubleday books for sending me an arc!
November 15, 2022
3.5 stars
There is so much that I liked about They're Going to Love You. For one, the prose is lovely: Meg Howrey writes beautifully and with such love about ballet and dance in general, the motifs and images she threads throughout her novel lucid and striking. I also loved the way she crafted Carlisle's relationship with her father and his partner, James; you feel keenly how much Carlisle loves them, how desperately she wants to be closer to them, to be drawn into their family. Howrey depicts these characters with real sympathy and understanding, and this carries over more broadly to all the other characters in her novel, even the ones who may, at first glance, seem marginal or antagonistic to Carlisle. Through small, tender moments that nevertheless feel significant, she's able to cultivate a sense of the wholeness of these characters, of the richness of their lives, even if they don't actually get a lot of time on the page. (I'm thinking here, especially, of the way Howrey writes Carlisle's relationship with her mother.)
And yet--I just wanted more. They're Going to Love You was, to me, a good novel that could've been so much better. The foundation is there--the characters, their dynamics, the writing--but it needed fleshing out. Part of why the story felt a little underdeveloped to me is the pacing: as a narrative, They're Going to Love You moves both too slowly and too quickly. We spend a lot of time on things that we shouldn't--especially in the beginning, where we focus on Carlisle and her work in the present timeline--and not enough time on the things that we should--namely, the dynamics between Carlisle, her father, and James. That dynamic between those three is the linchpin of the entire novel, and yet I never really felt like its heft and significance was dwelt on enough or written with enough detail.
The other thing is that it just takes too long to get to the thrust of the story: the central conflict that severs Carlisle's ties to James and her father to such an extent that it leaves her completely estranged from them for over twenty years. Because that conflict unfolds so late into the story, the rest of the narrative is then forced to rush to get to where it needs to go. When we get to the last part of the novel, then, the present timeline where Carlisle reconnects with James and her father, who is now dying, the emotional beats just don't hit as hard as they should. And it's such a shame, because I really was invested--I cared about these characters and was moved by them, but I finished the novel feeling a little dazed, like I'd just watched a great movie, but at 2x speed.
In my notes on this novel, I wrote down "good bones but needs more meat"--and that's pretty much the crux of my feelings on They're Going to Love You.
Thanks so much to Doubelday Books for providing me with an e-ARC of this via NetGalley!
"Balanchine famously said there are no mothers-in-law in ballet. Meaning, it's not an art form suited for portraying complicated family relationships, or psychological subtleties. It's a place to get away from them, into a purer realm.
Dance is very good on romantic love. Love is one of its best, easiest, most beautiful and wonderful expressions. The dive, the swoop, the swoon. (Dance is also excellent for anger, pride, and sorrow.)
I love better in my work than I do anywhere else."
There is so much that I liked about They're Going to Love You. For one, the prose is lovely: Meg Howrey writes beautifully and with such love about ballet and dance in general, the motifs and images she threads throughout her novel lucid and striking. I also loved the way she crafted Carlisle's relationship with her father and his partner, James; you feel keenly how much Carlisle loves them, how desperately she wants to be closer to them, to be drawn into their family. Howrey depicts these characters with real sympathy and understanding, and this carries over more broadly to all the other characters in her novel, even the ones who may, at first glance, seem marginal or antagonistic to Carlisle. Through small, tender moments that nevertheless feel significant, she's able to cultivate a sense of the wholeness of these characters, of the richness of their lives, even if they don't actually get a lot of time on the page. (I'm thinking here, especially, of the way Howrey writes Carlisle's relationship with her mother.)
And yet--I just wanted more. They're Going to Love You was, to me, a good novel that could've been so much better. The foundation is there--the characters, their dynamics, the writing--but it needed fleshing out. Part of why the story felt a little underdeveloped to me is the pacing: as a narrative, They're Going to Love You moves both too slowly and too quickly. We spend a lot of time on things that we shouldn't--especially in the beginning, where we focus on Carlisle and her work in the present timeline--and not enough time on the things that we should--namely, the dynamics between Carlisle, her father, and James. That dynamic between those three is the linchpin of the entire novel, and yet I never really felt like its heft and significance was dwelt on enough or written with enough detail.
The other thing is that it just takes too long to get to the thrust of the story: the central conflict that severs Carlisle's ties to James and her father to such an extent that it leaves her completely estranged from them for over twenty years. Because that conflict unfolds so late into the story, the rest of the narrative is then forced to rush to get to where it needs to go. When we get to the last part of the novel, then, the present timeline where Carlisle reconnects with James and her father, who is now dying, the emotional beats just don't hit as hard as they should. And it's such a shame, because I really was invested--I cared about these characters and was moved by them, but I finished the novel feeling a little dazed, like I'd just watched a great movie, but at 2x speed.
In my notes on this novel, I wrote down "good bones but needs more meat"--and that's pretty much the crux of my feelings on They're Going to Love You.
Thanks so much to Doubelday Books for providing me with an e-ARC of this via NetGalley!
January 17, 2023
The complexity of human nature and relationships is a subject I actively seek out when picking up any book. They’re Going to Love You hit these subjects and much more through its captivating and engaging characterization. We follow Carlisle Martin from past to present as she picks up the pieces of her broken relationship with her family and what brought her to this point in her life. Carlisle has dreamed of becoming a professional ballet dancer like her mother since she was a child. While her father and his partner, James, are also involved in this community, she seeks the ambition and love they can only give her. Telling an incredible story, broaching art, familial relationships, parental issues, betrayal, and so much more. Howrey WOWED me with this :)
This novel was love at first sight for the former ballet dancer in me, and it was both soothing and incredible to read a book written by a ballerina about ballet. There is something that can’t entirely be captured by authors who haven’t dedicated years of their life to this art form, but Meg Howrey hit every mark for me. Many of the quotes included above demonstrate this feeling for me, but mostly this one:
“There is a crucial devotion necessary for ballet. This seems obvious, but its parameters are not. Devotion is not precisely about love. A great dancer needs a mysterious alchemy of humility and obsession. It's a question of morals.”
Her ability to write so profoundly about parental relationships also struck home. Carlisle’s relationship with her mother and father is strikingly familiar. Almost everyone can relate to how Howrey writes about dealing with these relationships in our lives. I have around 30+ pictures of quotes and annotations from this book on my phone because they just affected me that much. These pictures hold painfully relatable quotes, unexplainably true, and perfect.
Meg Howrey blew me away with this stunning novel by covering betrayal, relationships with family, relationships to self or body, and the extent of morals and morality. Looking forward to reading anything else written by her in the future :)
—
4.5 stars!!!!
super thankful to have read this one with my wonderful book club :) (@theghostladybookclub on insta)
This novel was love at first sight for the former ballet dancer in me, and it was both soothing and incredible to read a book written by a ballerina about ballet. There is something that can’t entirely be captured by authors who haven’t dedicated years of their life to this art form, but Meg Howrey hit every mark for me. Many of the quotes included above demonstrate this feeling for me, but mostly this one:
“There is a crucial devotion necessary for ballet. This seems obvious, but its parameters are not. Devotion is not precisely about love. A great dancer needs a mysterious alchemy of humility and obsession. It's a question of morals.”
Her ability to write so profoundly about parental relationships also struck home. Carlisle’s relationship with her mother and father is strikingly familiar. Almost everyone can relate to how Howrey writes about dealing with these relationships in our lives. I have around 30+ pictures of quotes and annotations from this book on my phone because they just affected me that much. These pictures hold painfully relatable quotes, unexplainably true, and perfect.
Meg Howrey blew me away with this stunning novel by covering betrayal, relationships with family, relationships to self or body, and the extent of morals and morality. Looking forward to reading anything else written by her in the future :)
—
4.5 stars!!!!
super thankful to have read this one with my wonderful book club :) (@theghostladybookclub on insta)
April 26, 2022
Recently I read two novels that were maddening. One was overwritten and the other played around with language in a way that was distracting and patronizing. This is not the case here. There is not a wasted word to be found and although the author does play with language it’s done in a manner that is witty and engaging. In precise language, Howrey tells the story of Carlisle both in the past and nineteen years later. She aspires to become a ballet dancer, desperately wants to be included in her father’s and his partner’s sophisticated New York lifestyle as the AIDS crisis claims the lives of their friends. Determination, failure, and duplicity shatters relationships. This is truly a splendid read.
February 23, 2023
Alternating primarily between NYC during the AIDS crisis of the 1980s and LA in the present, They’re Going to Love You is the story of Carlisle Martin, a former ballet dancer and now choreographer, who receives the call that her father is dying. Carlisle hasn’t seen or spoken to him or his partner, James, in almost 20 years. She braces for their reunion, reflecting on all that transpired and their estrangement over the last nearly 2 decades.
They’re Going to Love You features ballet, ambition, and several complicated relationships within a family. Meg Howrey can write! Even with her great writing however, some parts of this book felt quite slow. I was hoping for reveals earlier than they came. I’ve seen only glowing reviews for this book so I may be a bit of an outlier though I still enjoyed reading it — 3.5 stars
They’re Going to Love You features ballet, ambition, and several complicated relationships within a family. Meg Howrey can write! Even with her great writing however, some parts of this book felt quite slow. I was hoping for reveals earlier than they came. I’ve seen only glowing reviews for this book so I may be a bit of an outlier though I still enjoyed reading it — 3.5 stars
February 9, 2024
Dancers will connect with ‘They’re Going to Love You’ through its physicality, emotional impact and resonances on the body - and despite its sombre précis, there’s a wonderful joy that leaps off every page. Howrey really captures the intensity and fierce devotion to their art of committed and struggling professional dancers and her writing sings with knowledge. Wonderful.
January 8, 2023
3.5 stars
i’m so sorry but robert not speaking to his daughter for 19 years over something that wasn’t even her fault,, am i missing something here or is this just a bit dramatic
read this for @theghostladybookclub :)
i’m so sorry but robert not speaking to his daughter for 19 years over something that wasn’t even her fault,, am i missing something here or is this just a bit dramatic
read this for @theghostladybookclub :)
July 19, 2022
Oh lit lovers you’re going to want to add this one to your list. It’s The Great Believers crossed with Girl Through Glass. It’s mostly set at the height of the AIDS crisis in the New York ballet world. I’ve got your attention now I suspect. It’s about art and ambition and family and love, so all the good things. But it’s mostly about our creative selves and our deeply flawed humanity and it’s beautiful. It will be on my fave books of 2022 list without doubt.
January 5, 2024
RE-READ 1/4/2024 - listened to the audio, read by the author - sooo wonderful!
I am so grateful to have received an early copy of this novel. Set mostly in NYC in the 1980s, during the AIDS epidemic, it invites us into a lost world. The writing is gorgeous, the landscape she creates is textured and vivid, and there is an undercurrent of longing that creates an emotional pull throughout the novel.
It's a story about fathers and daughters, about men and women, and about art. It is such a treat to read a novel about ballet written by someone to whom this world is familiar. Meg's reverence for (and knowledge of) the art form light up every page.
I am so grateful to have received an early copy of this novel. Set mostly in NYC in the 1980s, during the AIDS epidemic, it invites us into a lost world. The writing is gorgeous, the landscape she creates is textured and vivid, and there is an undercurrent of longing that creates an emotional pull throughout the novel.
It's a story about fathers and daughters, about men and women, and about art. It is such a treat to read a novel about ballet written by someone to whom this world is familiar. Meg's reverence for (and knowledge of) the art form light up every page.
December 23, 2022
This book broke my heart in the best of ways. Made me love ballet as never before. And has provided me with a soundtrack I will never be able to thank the author for enough. I loved it and will think of it fondly for years to come.
January 16, 2023
I know I am the minority here but I did not like this book at all. It was so boring. By the time you get to the big event that caused the big fracture in the big relationship it is a nothingburger. All the ballet metaphors in this book made the prose so flowery. Annoying to read, if I’m honest. The time jumps and the suspense the author created through them didn’t work for me at all. I rolled my eyes at several points. And I never need to read a book about the AIDS crisis through the POV of a (presumably) cishet woman ever again. Skip.
did-not-finish
May 17, 2024DNF @ 55%
I want to love this book so bad but it is such a drag for me. The writing is so mundane and the constant back and forth sometimes feels like a purposeful filler instead of real meaning. I no longer care to know how the relationship with her father ends unfortunately.
It is just so painful for a book you’ve been anticipating forever to end up as a DNF :(
So many reviews say you really have to stick through it, so I do plan on revisiting but in a physical format versus the ebook!
I want to love this book so bad but it is such a drag for me. The writing is so mundane and the constant back and forth sometimes feels like a purposeful filler instead of real meaning. I no longer care to know how the relationship with her father ends unfortunately.
It is just so painful for a book you’ve been anticipating forever to end up as a DNF :(
So many reviews say you really have to stick through it, so I do plan on revisiting but in a physical format versus the ebook!
June 20, 2023
This book had good plot points, well built suspense, and an interesting twist. Unfortunately it also had staggeringly boring characters. The main character was a blank slate without a mark. Her family all had interesting characteristics and dynamics but they never reached their full potential and their motivations were never fully clear. The writing was great, simple but effective in drawing the reader in. The story was good, but the book felt unfinished.
December 15, 2022
Meg Howrey transported us into the world of ballet, so if you are a dancer this read will be perfect for you. However, as an outsider to the dance world I still really enjoyed this story as it was more about complicated family dynamics, the journey of creating a life you love, and forgiveness.
Carlisle Martin always had dreams of becoming a professional ballet dancer. Her mother was one and her father and his partner James were both successful leaders in the industry. However, living in Ohio with her mom, she craved the few weeks she would spend on Bank Street in NYC with her father Robert, and James. Her main desire as a young girl was to stay in their orbit and be included in their world.
The story begins as we see 40-year-old Carlisle receive a phone call that takes us on the journey of uncovering why it’s been 19 years since she’s seen her father.
This story took from New York City during the AIDS crisis to present-day LA. It was moving to get a glimpse into the experiences the gay community was facing during that time and how it impacted James and Robert's outlook on life.
“Having to struggle doesn’t necessarily make you interesting, it might just make you tired”
All Carlisle wanted was to be the person someone loved best. Whether that was from her father, mother, James, or her partner. We assume parents will always make the right decisions but they are just as flawed as us. They make bad decisions and can let their own experiences and emotions cloud what could be best for their child. We also often only receive fragments of people and are forced to make sense of the rest which often leads to more misunderstanding.
The reasoning for their rift was unexpected and complicated. But I appreciated how the story ended. Life can result in so much wreckage but we still can have a life that is meaningful and loving despite it.
4.5/5
Carlisle Martin always had dreams of becoming a professional ballet dancer. Her mother was one and her father and his partner James were both successful leaders in the industry. However, living in Ohio with her mom, she craved the few weeks she would spend on Bank Street in NYC with her father Robert, and James. Her main desire as a young girl was to stay in their orbit and be included in their world.
The story begins as we see 40-year-old Carlisle receive a phone call that takes us on the journey of uncovering why it’s been 19 years since she’s seen her father.
This story took from New York City during the AIDS crisis to present-day LA. It was moving to get a glimpse into the experiences the gay community was facing during that time and how it impacted James and Robert's outlook on life.
“Having to struggle doesn’t necessarily make you interesting, it might just make you tired”
All Carlisle wanted was to be the person someone loved best. Whether that was from her father, mother, James, or her partner. We assume parents will always make the right decisions but they are just as flawed as us. They make bad decisions and can let their own experiences and emotions cloud what could be best for their child. We also often only receive fragments of people and are forced to make sense of the rest which often leads to more misunderstanding.
The reasoning for their rift was unexpected and complicated. But I appreciated how the story ended. Life can result in so much wreckage but we still can have a life that is meaningful and loving despite it.
4.5/5
November 22, 2022
~2.5 stars. The book started out a lot more promising and I was intrigued by the plot. There was a lot of potential to be had with the 80s/AIDS crisis setting, a young girl coming-of-age splitting her time between her two families and not feeling like she belongs, pursuing dance (both her parents' dreams, maybe stuff about her parents imposing their passions and goals onto her, etc), but overall.. it just didn't hit the spot. As many critical reviews have mentioned, I felt like the foundation was there, but it didn't coalesce well. The writing managed to be both overwrought and detached at the same time. Maybe it was due to the uneven pacing? The ~ultimate betrayal~ really didn't make sense and it baffled me how it could have estranged her from her father for nineteen years. There was a lot of internal dialogue and ruminations but I felt like there wasn't much meat to the story/characters to back it up, so it just felt like a lot of melodramatic phrases and stream of consciousnesses that didn't go anywhere.
January 2, 2023
I didn't pick this with the intention of crying all over my first book of the year, but it happened, and I'm not at all mad about it. Fathers and daughters, well, I have a button and this book pressed it. I don't think I'll be tempted to return to this the way that I do The Cranes Dance, but I'm deeply glad that I read it. Carlisle embodies the isolation and loneliness that can come with being an unpartnered/childless adult adult at times in a way that I found very moving. Really love Howrey's writing, will be glad to see whatever is next, whenever that may be.
February 11, 2023
⭐️⭐️💫
2.5 rounded up
Really rather dull. There was far too much ballet jargon in here and no substance. It’s a very slow burner, we spend about 60% of the book waiting for the big event which caused the main character to be estranged from her father. I think making the reader wait more than half of the book for any storyline is a bit too much of a drag.
If ‘meh’ was a book, it would be this one.
If you’re very, very much into ballet (and extremely slow burning books), this could be an enjoyable read… otherwise I’d suggest you move on and find much better books to spend your time on.
2.5 rounded up
Really rather dull. There was far too much ballet jargon in here and no substance. It’s a very slow burner, we spend about 60% of the book waiting for the big event which caused the main character to be estranged from her father. I think making the reader wait more than half of the book for any storyline is a bit too much of a drag.
If ‘meh’ was a book, it would be this one.
If you’re very, very much into ballet (and extremely slow burning books), this could be an enjoyable read… otherwise I’d suggest you move on and find much better books to spend your time on.
January 10, 2023
Love, love, loved this story! Meg Howrey transports into the world of ballet, what it takes to be successful, and the toll it takes on your emotional and physical strength and relationships. I was immediately enraptured by these characters. The build-up is beautiful and intense and the resolution is heartbreaking and lovely. I can't recommend this one enough.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 3,029 reviews