The only reason I gave this book more than 1 star was the intriguing original premise. Oh, an the comic relief last chapter, cause wtf was that about lmao.
Let’s talk more though about why I was actually being
VERY lenient
with my 2 star review:
The story
The story revolves around Alana, her past and her “If I Go Missing” binders. She’s a married elementary school teacher that’s obsessed with true crime podcasts and is an avid advocator of these binders. Everything is great in her life, until people she knew from high school (best friend and secret lover, now married) move next door. Then, after a couple of people go missing, Alana and her binders are caught in the middle of things and she gets accused for everything happening.
Interesting at first, right? Well,
that’s about the only interesting thing about the book
, the summary on the cover.
My first huge problem, was that it was filled with too many overdone tropes:
1. The husband did it
2. The new neighbors are friends from high school with whom Alana shares a dark past (oohoo)
3. The secret baby
Of course Alana had a secret baby, that no one knew about. Not even her mother, up until she gave birth that is, cause apparently it’s that easy lying an entire summer to her about vocationing in Europe, whereas you’re actually in a roach hole two towns away. Your university as well (apparently no fact checking is necessary when you can just say that your father died from cancer).
And of course it’s the only kid that gets introduced to the story and gets bullied. Yet Alana doesn’t even stand up for it lmao. Kid’s better adopted, ngl.
4. The makeover
“Plain Jane”
, as she puts it, has a makeover (that is, dying her hair blonde and getting extensions) and suddenly she gets attention. People on the road stop to look at her, giving her heart eyes, cars on the road are now crashing because of the glow up, you get the gist.
Another thing that made me roll my eyes once too many times, were the ambiguities and nonsensical events that happened:
1. Alana finding Chloe’s notebook and sneaking it out of her house, by hiding it in her jacket’s sleeve. Was her sleeve that humongous? According to Alana, that notebook had contents of more than 11 years and “if there’s anything about Chloe it’s in there, every small detail of her day etc”. Over. That. 11. Year. Span. Has Leslie ever written a diary (or any notebook, that is) herself, cause that’s honestly doubtful.
2. I’m not even gonna elaborate on the whole conspiracy/plan of Chloe’s. Nothing made any sense.
3. Although I am gonna summarize the ending, just to point out how
ridiculous
it was.
Alana got her psycho ex thrown in jail. Then, she had a fight with her husband and he abandons her. A few moments later, her kid’s adopted dad gets shot from said ex’s mother. After that, she goes out for dinner with her husband that had a change of heart and then they have sex. All within a couple of hours.
Don’t we all wish we could be as productive as Alana sometimes?
The characters
I had issues with every single character, honestly. Not one person was particularly likable. Although to sum it up, I’ll stick to the Blake family.
Daniel: This man must get a BPD diagnosis cause
how can one person change moods that drastically in a matter of seconds?
No pity for this guy, he had no self respect (considering that, him marrying Alana was pretty match on brand)
Jason is a grown adult. I repeat, Jason is a grown adult. Why is everyone treating him as a manipulated (man-)child? He got himself in that position and deserves to go in jail???!!?!?
Since when is kidnapping a minor for ransom ok?????
I feel my brain cells leaving my body after the whole…this.
And fucking Alana: Oh, my, god. Last time I had read a book with such an annoying MC was in 2022 (The Woman in Cabin 10 for reference). Alana made my blood boil. Where do I even begin?
1. Constantly lying to her husband. Ah, yes, the good old recipe for a successful marriage.
2. Being the most pathetic, passive character in the whole damn book. People disrespecting her every other chapter and she’s just like *O* (and then walking away with tears in her eyes). Not to mention her 18 yo self, were she basically has no free will “accepting Ray to be Chloe’s soulmate” without revealing the fact that he is a CHEATER.
3. Which brings me to the next point. She’s a married woman, practically in her knees for a man that she just saw after 11 years and who cheated on her with her ex best friend. No self respect is a common theme in this book.
4. Constantly looking for validation. She’s a grown ass woman, acting like a love struck 15 yo. Yet, she preaches about how clear headed & smart she is. What’s up with all these female MC in thrillers preaching how smart & tough they are and then proceed to make one dumb decision after another? It’s not that hard to make a solid FMC, you can do better (I hope). Not to mention her continuous self loathing and low self esteem. Just unfathomable. And repetitive. And annoying.
I whole heartedly believe that Alana was responsible for most bad things happening to her (besides the psycho ex/bff combo part) and you cannot change my mind.
Also, do I need to point out that the takeaway of this book is weird, to say the least? Ray and his mother are villified (understandably so), but on the other hand, all these girls/women that basically KILLED for him, Chloe included, are given a pass? Or (ffs) Jason? All these people were just as bad. If you want to make a manipulation story, make it right.
The writing
I didn’t have a particular problem with the writing. Quite simplistic, easy to read, a bit tiktok-esque maybe.
Oh, actually, one issue I had is that the timelines (11 years ago & present) didn’t feel any different at all. Besides the fact that there was no character development over the past decade for any of the characters (pretty much every character was acting like a prepubescent child), there was nothing really that showed me that “yes, that’s 2013”. Working with timelines, this is a tricky part.
Rereading my review, maybe I should change to a one star review lmao.