Coming in at the longest Goosebumps story in history, The Haunting Returns (based off the 2023 show on Disney+) is a spectacular read! Of course, I’m joking. It’s not fantastic at all. However, I’m shocked that—just like the Haunted Halloween novel—this is actually a slight improvement. With every teeny little thing from the show applying here, we have the same upsides and downsides. Great first half, decent arcs and characters, enjoyability, and cool ideas being conflicted by the infamously shitty incest plotline, filler segments, dumb decisions and a shitty ending—or rather, the original shitty ending with now a new chapter added on to apparently fix said shitty ending. And now, for my thoughts on specifically the novel. The writing is awesome, like surprisingly well written and unique. Kate Howard’s writing is identifiable and really good, and helped carry the story weirdly enough. There’s also the lack of the soundtrack, which is good in some cases like at the end of episode 8 where there’s a song about getting an erection in a parking lot whilst dramatic conclusions play out. You don’t have to imagine that junk here! And same goes for the ugly cgi and anything you didn’t like about the show visually. Nice. And also, some things were handled better and felt better on page, like Isabella’s character. Like pretty much just her character but, still, it feels better as a 266 page novel. However, now we get to what didn’t go right with this novel. The pacing is the worst pacing I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Would you believe me if I told you this book was actually really fast paced? Yeah, the longest gb book ever is actually not a slow read—it’s reallllllllllly fast. And not in a good way since there are slower parts, making a rough clash. And with the show’s original issues included, there’s also the new ending… which sucks lmao. Yeah, it ain’t good. It’s basically “it’s over but now really” bullshit that not only never explains the Kanduu in the mirror crap (or rather in a sensible manner with an actual conclusion) but also vaguely hints at another story being thrown into the mix in what would’ve been season 2. So uh… 8/10? I really enjoyed this one and I think some episodes just worked better on paper, specifically 5 and 9. Episode 7 and 8 though… drag on. Probably should’ve mentioned that earlier but idgaf. My aura is beige and I like humping my team to victory.