How to Dungeon Master Parenting: A Guidebook for Gamifying the Child Rearing Quest, Leveling Up Your Skills, and Raising Future Adventurers

by Shelly Mazzanoble

2024 Best Book Awards; Finalist - Parenting & Family



Gather your party, it’s time to level up your parenting game!

         For years, millions of fans have looked to the beloved role-playing game Dungeons & Dragons for fun, friendship, and entertainment. And now parents and parents-to-be can use it to gain inspiration and how-to when it comes to their most challenging and rewarding role yet. Dungeon Masters are not just expert storytellers and arbiters of the rules, they’re compassionate, creative, quick-thinking leaders who embody the same traits that make a great parent.

         Where do you find an adventuring party who will have your back? What must-have starting equipment should you own before venturing into babyland? How does your gaming style reflect your parenting style? You don’t have to know how to be a Dungeon Master to master parenting—just think like one. Kids may not come with rulebooks, but now their parents do.

 

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction

199 pages, Paperback

Published November 12, 2024

About the author

About a million years ago, Shelly Mazzanoble had a short story published in a literary magazine called Whetstone. They paid her $50 which she used to purchase a keg and threw a great big party.

Motivated by her strong desire to curate menus for cocktail parties and her friends’ penchant for drinking free beer, Shelly has gone on to publish short stories and essays in Carve, The Seattle Times, Scary Mommy, In the Powder Room, and has been syndicated on popular websites such as Blunt Moms and BlogHer, where she has been named a featured writer. She writes a regular column called Mom in the Middle for the Seattle-based parenting resource organization PEPs (Program for Early Parent Support) where she seeks to scare daunt forewarn enlighten new parents about the terrors joys of parenthood.

Not wanting to completely waste the theater degree procured from lovely Ithaca College, she removed all the narrative from that first published short story and turned it into a one-act play. Blue Malls, starring Shelly herself, was produced in Seattle’s Mae West Fest XIII. Due to the anxiety dreams still plaguing her, she did not star, support or even understudy in her play, The Chicken & the Egg (also originally a short-story), which was produced in Mae West Fest IV and later Manhattan Theatre Source’s Estrogenius Festival.

In 2006, Shelly was introduced to the roleplaying game, Dungeons & Dragons, while working for Wizards of the Coast. She’s still bitter that no one introduced her to this game earlier as her imaginary friends and innate desire to lie tell stories would have been put to good use. Her book, Confessions of a Part-Time Sorceress: A Girls Guide to the Dungeons and Dragons Game published by Wizards of the Coast, was nominated for an Origins Award and won an ENnies Award— the annual fan-based celebration of excellence in tabletop roleplaying gaming. Confessions has been translated into Japanese with the far superior title of, On Mondays I’m a Wizard (even though her game was on Wednesdays) and has been required reading in college classes focusing on game design and theory. Her second book, Everything I Need to Know I Learned From Dungeons & Dragons: One Woman’s Quest to Trade Self-Help for Elf-Help was nominated for an Origins Award and has the distinct honor of being read by at least six of her non-D&D playing friends. Shelly really loves writing books with very long titles. In fact, she is at work on another book with a very long title. Sadly it does not include a dungeon or a dragon but it does include a toddler and several uses of the term “lady parts.” (TMI? Just wait.)

When not slandering the reputations of newborns and eschewing the very notion that having “just one baby” is indeed easy (WTH, Mom?!) She enjoys perfecting her Bert from Sesame Street impression (“Ernie! My pige-unnns!”), eating raw cookie dough, Ladies of London, when her husband is the one who gets up to fix her son breakfast, going down a Pinterest rabbit hole, painting things gray, ankle booties, her green sweatpants, quoting Mommie Dearest, the idea of a garden, and being the oldest mom at daycare. She lives in Seattle with an alpha cat named Zelda, various foster dogs, a very patient man who either doesn’t read her blog or just has a really good sense of humor, and a genius* toddler who loves Panda bears, falling down, and poop, and who provides his proud mother with endless fodder. At least until he gets a lawyer.
Shelly encourages you to check out her blog, especially the older entries because she had a lot more time to think and edit back then. If you like reality TV, Shelly wants to be your friend.

*According to 3 out of 4 grandparents

Reviews

[Kaitlin Jundt · Rating 4 out of 5]

Anyone who's played D&D and is a parent should read this, not necessarily for advice but for laughs! I already knew my son's class was barbarian, this just confirmed it!

[Catherine Chapman · Rating 2 out of 5]

If this was a DND book that tied in parenting and not a parenting book that tied in DND I would rate this differently. For a parenting book I expected more researched advice, but felt the DND research was where time was actually spent.

The DND knowledge was amazing, i loved the little stories featuring campaigns she’s been part of and how she related DND classes and alignments to children as well as acknowledging that children are independent changing people. the book had a pretty good flow honestly and there were some great correlations made between parenting and DMing. i also enjoyed the DM tips and tricks and thought the elementary school DND club that she hosted was super cool. covid destroyed a lot of kids social skills on a major level and role playing games are great ways to promote socialization, imagination, and teamwork.

unfortunately the lack of research though that went into the factual areas in the book was really frustrating. The view on parenting was also very privileged and lacked nuance. numerous situations that are very debated amongst professionals with very complex reasons behind the debates were over simplified. she also incorrectly equated authoritative parenting to authoritarian parenting. in reality authoritative parenting is gentle parenting and focuses on boundaries and responding as frequently as you’re demanding and authoritarian is what she was describing. Also equated permissive parenting and authoritative or gentle parenting, which again are not the same thing in anyway and minimal research would’ve shown this. i was also uncomfortable with putting pretty names on neglect. the author used examples of neglect and calls them “free ranger” parenting styles and pushes the idea that no parenting style is wrong. there is a strong theme of “if you try your best that’s enough,” which i personally disagree with because it dismisses the very real reality for many children that it is not enough. there’s also a common theme of survivor bias. “yet here we are,” in response to dangerous practices dismisses the very real reality that not every child is still here. many people died and that’s why laws went into place. bad parenting exists even when a parent is “trying their best.” abuse and neglect can still take place even if it’s not on purpose

[Corinne’s Chapter Chatter · Rating 5 out of 5]

OMG!! This is pure gold! Now I haven’t had to think about a parenting book in 13 years but because of the title I decided to request if. I am soooo glad that I did.


I am thankful to have gotten the audio ALC for free from Netgalley and Dreamscape Media so I can leave my voluntary review.

This book is geared to those who have experience with Dungeons and Dragons however you could know less than nothing about the game and still thoroughly enjoy this book. It gives solid parenting advice to boot plus if you are familiar with the game but don’t have or aren’t expecting a child, you could still enjoy it.. seriously.

The author senseless and accurate comparison a between the game and parenting making it so engaging. She also narrates the audiobook and I highly suggest reading the book in this way. While I would speed it up a touch she does a fantastic job her theatre degree goes to good use.

I know what I’m getting my adventuring party for the holidays this year and no, none of them will be having another children and are 1-2 decades past the baby years but that’s how much this can be enjoyed.

It comes out on November 12th 2024. It will make the perfect gift for the expected parents as the “advice” is solid and will help new parents get off on the right foot.
My rating system since GoodReads doesn’t have partial stars and I rarely round up.

⭐️ Hated it
⭐️⭐️ Had a lot of trouble, prose issues, really not my cup of tea (potentially DNF’d or thought about it)
⭐️⭐️⭐️ Meh, it was an ok read but nothing special
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Really enjoyed it! Would recommend to others
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Outstanding! Will circle back and read again

[Ash · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you to Dreamscape Media and NetGalley for sending me an audio-ARC in exchange for review.

4.5 stars

First I’d like to start off by saying I am not a parent nor am I a pregnant individual, though it is likely in my near future.

I mainly just love dungeons and dragons and saw this and thought wow that sounds quite silly and could potentially have some helpful future tips. It delivered on all of the above.

The author, who is also the narrator (I love when this is the case) delves into scenarios and styles of parenting how-to’s with comparisons that relate to DND in hilarious ways. Personally I’m terrified to become a mother in not the nicest feeling way and this gave me a new outlook that yes it’s going to be normal to struggle, and yes it’s alright to not be fond of children before you have your own but that’s the common experience and I can have fun putting my own nerdy spin on things (even if it’s just an internal monologue about mimics and dexterity saves).
It also felt very fitting that I live in the same area as the author because her personality really comes through in a way like oh I’d totally be your friend if we knew eachother chill vibe. While I am still incredibly anxious for future endeavors in my life this book did calm me quite a bit so thank you for turning this anxiety from FeyWILD to FeyMILD.

Though I may foresee a future rogue parenting style 😂

Thank you so much for this!

[Jennyfer · Rating 5 out of 5]

How to Dungeon Master Parenting is a fun parenting book that will take your party through the birth with a handy bag of holding and an arsenal of tricks until your young heroes are ready to venture off on their own. Equal parts how-to and anecdotes, and eminently relatable, this book is full of humour and lighthearted tips to get you through the more challenging aspects of bringing up young gamers.

This is the perfect parenting book for D&D/RPG players, and leans heavily on the quick-thinking, storytelling skills of a DM. I wish I had it when my kids were younger, but I will definitely make use of it as they navigate the barbed minefield of tweenhood.

One thing I do like about this book is that it does draw attention to the needs of the parent (especially the one going through all the hormonal and physical trauma of becoming a parent) as well as those of the child. Happy DM, happy party.

I received this from NetGalley as both an ebook and an audio book (narrated by the author) . The narration was clear and engaging, and felt like the author was chatting to me.

A fun, useful twist on a parenting book - and a reference book I'll go back to.

~Many thanks to NetGalley for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review~

[TJ Edwards · Rating 4 out of 5]

So many wonderful comparisons between DMing and Raising Kids that I hadn’t recognized, even though I’m constantly making up stories and using roleplay to teach my boys valuable skills. For the D&D Nerd/Parent, this is a simple and entertaining guide to surviving parenting!

[Ben · Rating 3 out of 5]

Cute idea, though sometimes the ideas get a bit stretched. Nothing new in terms of parenting advice but lots of good reminders.

[Tai-Leah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not bad- not sure what it’s taught me but I feel more enlightened anyway lol

[Enfys Joy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thankyou to NetGalley and Dreamscape media for access to the audio arc of this book.

I’m near a couple decades into running my adventure party of 6, and it’s been a good long while since the heady days of devouring parenting books trying to work out the cheat codes while swinging and shushing and replacing hundreds of dummies into my now adult firstborn, but still had a lot of fun with this book.

The gamification tips and thoughts, and drawing parallels between play style/archetypes and translating them into real (parenting) world situations were really, REALLY good. Insightful and funny and easy to step back and see how we can make everything a bit lighter and more fun for all involved with some understanding of individuals and desire for collaboration (or boundaries, or lore, or quest/adventure etc, personality/class dependant!)

I did have a couple of moments where I wished the author didn’t describe her personal outlook/opinion on methods of parenting as ‘fact’ (eg Stating that ‘attachment parenting’ - described here as being with baby always for first 6 weeks! (I’d kind of assume 6 weeks of close proximity being highly USUAL, regardless of parenting choices?) leads to children being developmentally held back - a definite lack of insight into actual early childhood development and psychology (which, yes, my degree studies *were* in, not ‘just’ my expertise and experience as a mum of six here…)
However this is par for the course with parenting books, so I’m not going to hold a grudge as if we are debating Dr Spock.

Will absolutely be grabbing a copy as a gift for my newest family member’s parents (who are avid role players and I hope will enjoy and get some feeling of comraderie as well as laughs from reading!)

[E.R. Burgess · Rating 5 out of 5]

Shelley Mazzanoble’s book How to Dungeon Master Parenting is a witty and delightful guide to helping gamers embrace the concept of having IRL children, not just rolling up the children of their favorite role-playing-game (RPG) character (”She’s a paladin - she’s going to have AMAZING kids!”)

For the uninitiated, and to paraphrase one of the author’s jokes, this isn’t a guide about keeping your children under lock and key in your basement. Instead, it’s a primer for parenting from the perspective of the creative and free-spirited folks who enjoy playing Dungeons and Dragons.

Mazzanoble’s enthusiasm for the game is infectious and it makes for a quick, propulsive read. The author has done a really masterful job of finding a good balance of directly useful information and funny passages or jokes to keep things light and enjoyable.

The truth is that the author’s premise is accurate; if you have run a game of D&D (or another RPG) as the Dungeon Master, you have some transferable skills that can be used in the rearing of children. Mazzanoble is careful to point out that this means being a good Dungeon Master that cares about ensuring a great experience for players (and kids) through planning, understanding, and knowing when the rules need to take a back seat to the vivacity of life happening.

While my children are grown, I absolutely loved the lessons to be learned and the humor shared throughout this fine book. I’ll be making sure to get a copy for my nephew and niece, new parents and longtime RPG players who will love the thoughtful and compelling adventure to be found in this particular tome.

DISCLOSURE: Thanks to NetGalley for an early look at the book for my honest opinion.

[Kimberly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Every year I read a handful of nonfiction books, and this was a delight to read. I would say this is definitely geared towards expecting parents or parents of young children. I don't play dungeons and dragons, but my husband does. Even though I don't play, I still found this to be a really fun read.

I'm the parent of a toddler so a lot of the early chapters were fun to read but weren't as informative or applicable for me. I think it would have been fun if in the beginning of the book in the index, it would have outlined where to start if you had kids already you could pick where to start. Like more of a choose your own adventure. Even though some of the advice in the beginning wasn't as applicable to me, it was still a fun book.

I read an electronic version of this book, and there were little mini monster manual entries throughout the book. This was so cute, but the formatting was crazy in the eBook and spread the little monster entries out awkwardly. I did like how the book really focused on building community and not advocating that one type of parenting is better than another. There's even a section that outlines the different types of dungeon masters and parenting styles, the section doesn't praise one type of parenting but simply offers advice. I like that there isn't advice that puts down parents but gives solutions for all kinds of parents.

Overall, this was a fun parenting book.

Thanks to NetGalley and University of Iowa Press for the advanced copy, all opinions are my own.

[Jesse · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’d recommend this for a new(er) parent. The early chapters aren’t as relevant when you’re on Kid 2. Although her descriptions of the early stages are pretty entertaining. I was surprised Mazzanoble went to the later stages of parenting a kid. I know hers is roughly a tweenager at the time of publishing. I’m sure DM skills are applicable there

I really liked the section on discipline. It gave good explanations on different styles and how they work. The D&D tie-in to not spoiling your kids works well too. Hearing how popular D&D became and how helpful it was for kids and their schooling was heartening. There’s a lot to enjoy here.

Mazzanoble does her own audio for this and she does a fantastic job. She strikes that balance of not-too-dry, not-too-conversational perfectly. When you’ve heard enough audiobooks getting it wrong, you really appreciate someone getting it right.

My favorite quote from this was: “Someone is comparing themselves to you right now, wishing they could be half as confident and capable as you are.” I believe this but that’s because my kids make me look like a better parent than I am.

Remember, if you’re the kind of parent who reads parenting books and cares about the job you’re doing, you’re doing great.

If you’re not a fan of D&D, skip this. The references are deep. I’ve only played a handful of times and my knowledge is surface level. Several references went right over my head and were Googled. If you’re into this niche, you’ll love it. Everyone else will be confused.

I was entertained and fellow dungeon dwelling parents will be too. 4/5

[Alyssa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you NetGalley and publishers for allowing me to review this book in exchange for an honest review.

"How to Dungeon Master Parenting" by Shelly Mazzanoble is an honest, comical, and lighthearted guide to the challenges that come with parenting. While I'm not a new parent or even someone with a kid I can appreciate the challenges and scares that come with life changing events. This book represents a creative way to describe how to condition yourself to the new life with a focus centered around D&D. If you are a D&D lover this book gives creative solutions to common hardships that make it very easy to understand. After all like Shelly points to multiple times being a dungeon master is like already being a parent. You are in control of a group of toddlers who want to shape their destiny and story. They have different personalities and are extremely unpredictable. But, being a successful parent is just like being a successful dungeon master. You're there to set boundaries, pickup the pieces, and set guidelines for their story. Shelly points to multiple occasions in D&D that are directly comparable to raising a kid. After reading this book I can surely say that this should be a staple in any D&D players inventory when raising a kid and much like the dungeon masters guide it doesn't give you all the answers, but makes you feel confident that you have the tools to learn how to be a successful parent along your child's journey through life.

[Narya A. Vicens · Rating 4 out of 5]

A fun and entertaining parenting manual for all the D&D lovers out there. Full of little stories and tidbits that will make seasoned parents giggle in agreement and will start to prepare new ones for the fantastic chaos that's coming.

Shelly's narration is engaging and easy to follow. As someone not used to audiobooks and whose first language is not English, I had no problems following along, which I think is a testament to her clarity and narrative adequacy.

Now, my children are already well past the baby stages, and I've felt the book hasn't given me any new tools or insight. I've still laughed and enjoyed it, but it would have been wonderful when expecting the first one instead of now. In the same vein, I think it would be best enjoyed as a physical copy that you can easily skim in search for the exact bit of wisdom you need right then, instead of in audiobook format.
But that may be just personal preferences talking, and this is definitely a book I would gift my fellow party members if they ever embark in the ultimate adventure of parenting.

[bella reads fantasy · Rating 4 out of 5]

👶🏻 𝐻𝑜𝓌 𝓉𝑜 𝒟𝓊𝓃𝑔𝑒𝑜𝓃 𝑀𝒶𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝒫𝒶𝓇𝑒𝓃𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔

Thank you to Dreamscape Media and NetGalley for this audio arc!

I am a newly first time mum a who happens to love dungeons and dragons so when I saw this title, I laughed out loud and requested it. The laughing didn’t stop either!

This book takes your party of two to a party of three, Author (who is also the narrator) did an amazing job comparing parenting to DND in so many funny and engaging ways. She also spoke about serious topics that didn’t completely change the tone of the book and was super digestible.

This is a silly book with some great advice that is throughly enjoyable and I would have read more parenting books if it was interesting and fun as this!

This comes out November 12 and I highly recommend this to anyone who has or is thinking of having children or just loves DND

[Nadia Meriouli · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thank you NetGalley and Dreamscape Media for the ARC of this audiobook for my honest review

An interesting way to do a parenting book, I liked it. However I do have to try and remember all the things I learned for another 10 Years because I probably won’t be having a kid anytime soon but it’s always good to be prepared. There were quite a few parts I related to my childhood and it was really funny, one of them even relating to my adulthood being the jabbing kid that will follow either my boyfriend or my uncle around everywhere to tell them all of my stories and show them everything I’ve seen or heard today and if they say to shut up I’ll keep going haha.. I’d recommend this to anyone who knows a bit about D&D and wants to have a kid within probably a year or two ahha.

[Sarah · Rating 2 out of 5]

dnf. The tone is quite hokey, it's trying way too hard. It's leaning so far into the nerdy elements that it's hoping it swing around into being cool again. The advice seems reasonable, if the tone resonates with a reader, but it isn't advice that doesn't already exist in other sources.

There's no index, which is a big oversight for a nonfiction title in any area. After my own parenting experiences with my now-17yo, I wanted to check how well, or if at all, this addresses things like applying the concepts to ND kids. Without an index, I wasn't able to conveniently find examples.

Purchase if requested, but not before.

Program topics: none

Discussion prompts: none

[Manda The Eclectic Mood Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

A humorous yet helpful approach to patenting for new or expecting parents.

Comparisons made between the task of patenting and being a dungeon master in Dungeon and Dragons. I've only played d&d twice, but I could still follow the book without issue.

The audiobook was beautifully narrated by the author. Even though I'm not a new parent, my kids are a bit older, I still enjoyed the book. I found the stories relatable, and the information will be helpful to parents just beginning their journey into parenthood.

Thank you to @netgalley and dreamscape media for allowing me the opportunity to read and honestly review.

[Jay Gabler · Rating 3 out of 5]

The author’s key insight is that a successful dungeon master knows how to balance freedom and constraint, crafting an experience that players will actually choose to participate in week after week. A kid can’t opt in to having you as a parent, but wouldn’t it be nice if, given the choice, they would?

I reviewed How to Dungeon Master Parenting for The Tangential.

[Cristina Torres · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has such many new parenting points that I just had never thought of. So good to hear that a lot of us are barely surviving as parents. There is a lot of references to dungeon and dragons not sure what I was expecting when its in the title. But dose a great job explaining the reference. Only about half way done but so far so good.

[Erricka Grace · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hilarious yet practical advice that reframes parenting as an epic quest. More of a mindset shift than a detailed map. I’m looking forward to putting theory into practice.

[Pat D · Rating 3 out of 5]

Took a bit to get going but that's likely becuase I'm already a parent and DM so no hook beyond the cover was needed.

[Stacy Saueressig · Rating 2 out of 5]

It's LITERALLY about parenting from a Dungeon Mater Parenting approach... I thought that was just a funny title; it was not.

[Alison · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought this was super cute even if you are not super into Dungeons and Dragons. I thought it had some great stories and some solid parently advice.

[Victoria West · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very fun way to think about parenting the next generation.