"No Offence, But..."

by Gina Martin (Narrator), Aja Barber (Narrator), Cathy Reay (Narrator)

'In my work as a gender equality activist, the question I most get asked is, "how do you respond to...?", followed by one of those phrases that leave us feeling frustrated or tongue-tied. In this book, you'll find an empowering roadmap for changing the conversation on social justice issues.'

In our increasingly polarised society, having productive discussions about social justice issues has never been more challenging, or more crucial. From the persistent ('not all men,' 'I don't see colour') to the insidious ('to play devil's advocate...', 'climate change is coming'), too often, antagonistic or problematic responses threaten to distract and derail our most urgent conversations.

Tackling twenty of the most enduring conversation-stoppers, No Offence, But... equips readers with the knowledge, tools and context to respond with confidence. Alongside other trailblazing writers, educators and advocates, acclaimed campaigner Gina Martin helps us to unpick these phrases, understand why they are harmful and feel empowered to change the conversation.

Featuring chapters from Aja Barber, Ben Hurst, Cathy Reay, Charlie Craggs, Daze Aghaji, Ione Gamble, Koa Beck, Mariam Kemple Hardy and Azadeh Hosseini, Nova Reid and Salma El-Wardany.

Genres: Nonfiction, Feminism, Politics, Essays, Sociology, Audiobook, Adult

9 pages, Audible Audio

Published July 27, 2023

About the author

Gina Martin is a British activist and freelance writer. In August 2017 she was upskirted at a music festival and began a campaign over the legality of upskirting in England and Wales.

Librarian's note: There is more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name.

Reviews

[Elif Koçkuzu · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was overall a brilliant and eye-opening reading for me. I immensely enjoyed the author's own chapters, specifically "Innocent Until Proven Guilty", "Not All Men" and "It Was a Different Time". It has helped me gain a deeper insight behind these harmful utterances and more importantly, it has guided me to notice the hidden views of the speakers of these utterances hold. Perhaps the views even they have not noticed themselves. And I have not read this book to help me in my discussions for I usually have no tolerance regarding harmful language nor the patience to hold them in the first place. I read it so I can feel better and less angry upon coming across these iterations. And it did help me calm down, seeing the intentions and insecurities behind these sayings clearly will be a long-term reminder that these sayings have absolutely nothing to do with me but everything to do with the owner of them.

But... The content of the chapter "Islam Is an Oppressive Religion to Women" genuinely upset me. I hope the author of this chapter comes to the realization that her content holds a huge power to hurt many women that had a different experience than hers. I would like to say a lot more about it, especially about the women's agency but I can't. I'll let you guess why.

[Ruth · Rating 5 out of 5]

An essential read that covers feminism, ableism, trans-rights, Islamophobia, politics, fatphobia, toxic masculinity, racism and classism.

A balance between personal experience, academic references and contributions from various activists makes for an informative and hard hitting read.

This book made me evaluate my own prejudices, privilige and milieu.

[Vlastimil Vanco · Rating 3 out of 5]

I honestly don’t really know how to rate the book to do it justice. When it comes to the topics that were covered - great job! I loved the concept, I loved the diversity of topics each author brought, and that they were not afraid to cover phrases that are really difficult. I especially enjoyed the chapters Boys Will Be Boys, Innocent Until Proven Guilty and The Police Are Here to Protect Us. The book was charged with information, and what I liked the most is that many times it was able to capture what exactly is wrong with the topics that you know are problematic, and make you cringe - you just can’t put your finger on the reason why.

Now the book also had a lot of negatives, which made it very hard to read, understand the point and actually use it in a real-life conversation:

1. The structure - at first I found it refreshing that the main author’s chapters and the guest authors’ ones were alternating. After a while I found it really disruptive. Especially when the main author was referring to a specific story they mentioned earlier and you can’t remember what happened and it’s impossible to find it again. Also there doesn’t seem to be a clear connection between the guest chapters, or no logic to the order of the book, so it feels that there is a hard stop after every chapter.

2. The syntax and morphology- I’m sorry but this was a very hard read from the perspective of HOW the book was written. Every sentence is 2 pages long and it’s really easy to lose your train of thought if you don’t pay enough attention. The words explaining easy ideas are often way too complex, so you easily get lost. Especially in the moments when you think you know the main idea before you start reading the chapter, then you start reading it and find yourself confused, just to finally arrive to the thought you yourself had at the beginning. This not only made the reading feel a bit like a waste of time (since you feel that you already knew what is the issue at hand), but, because of its complexity, it didn’t actually make it any easier for you to interpret the idea to others. This fundamentally makes the point of the book — “how to have difficult conversations for meaningful change“ — invalid.

3. Subjective and very local point of view - Many chapters come out of the author’s main experience. This is not wrong, however how she leads difficult conversations with people is not how I usually do, so the moment she is sure that she would have already persuaded someone with her arguments, I know for a fact would be just a start of a discussion in my world. That also showcases the huge cultural differences and how deeply British this book is. Because of that a lot of the facts are UK specific, and the logic and data don’t translate to other cultures. I also wish there would be more topics about LGBTQIA community since it was referenced all the time, but didn’t have more than just 1 story about trans kids dedicated.

4. Islam is an Oppressive Religion To Women - I had to specifically call out this chapter because of how misaligned with the flow of the book and how terribly out of touch with reality it is. I won’t spoil anything, but this is chapter is exactly the opposite of what the main author tells you to do in all the other chapters - look at the society at large, zoom out on bigger picture and look at all communities, especially the ones that suffer because of a culture or a policy, not just the outliers that are not impacted by it.

Overall by the end of it I had to do something I never do - skim the last 2-3 chapters, read just the basic information, and be done with it because it started to be more of a boring bothersome chore rather than an enjoyable learning experience. That being said I might definitely come back to parts of if if need be, and that’s when the “prompts to discuss” and “information to remember” parts of each chapter will come in very handy!

[nat.polska · Rating 2 out of 5]

Well, this book was not what i expected it to be.
I liked some chapters, whilst others were a total miss. Hated the modern “cheeky” language, especially in a chapter about transgender people. I felt like it was out of place in a (what i thought) serious book about opening the doors of communication with people who you might not agree with.
I completely and wholeheartedly did not care for the stories in the begging of each chapter. I don’t know Gina Martin, nor do I care about the little skits and bits and stories from her life. Give me the gist, the information, present me with the academic research. Do not tell me about your dad or how you went shopping.

[Emily Jane · Rating 5 out of 5]

A thoughtful book. A helpful guide to know how to respond and react when engaging in a harmful conversation if, like me, you get a bit lost for words. I will definitely dip into certain chapters again and again.

[Emily Hastings · Rating 3 out of 5]

Book Club read.

This was probably closer to a 2.5 for me as I was a bit swamped by some of the more statistic-heavy chapters and felt that this book was probably more suited to those who are not already very familiar or engaged with discourse surrounding feminism or other social issues.

[Vanessa Funk · Rating 5 out of 5]

Definitely a must read - it took me awhile to get through as the topics were challenging and sometimes heavy but I felt like the author (and guest authors) did a good job of presenting the info without running down people who think differently. I already feel like I could reread a few chapters to refresh ways I can respond when people say problematic things (e.g., "Not all men" or "boys will be boys" are two that drive me particularly crazy).

[hannah carberry · Rating 4 out of 5]

a great book for anyone who wants to start reading about political and social justice issues but is intimidated and doesn’t know where to start. this book covers many topics and explains things simply, honestly and compassionately.

the reason i didn’t give it 5 stars is because with some chapters i didn’t learn anything new, purely bc this book is meant to not be too information overload and confusing, but that’s no fault of the book.

but i certainly did still learn new things from this book! and even if i was reading things i already knew, the writing style is so hopeful that it can be enjoyable and feel like a hug to hear these conversations through such a compassionate lens

[Harriet Shearsmith · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really enjoyed this, it was an uncomfortable listen at times but really insightful and encouraged you to examine your own behaviours and thought patterns. Definitely useful for people who have those deeper discussions and are tired of hearing the same old straw man responses of “but not all men” “it was a different time” “they’re doing their best” etc. all those things that dismiss and shut down conversations. Useful!

[Zpl · Rating 4 out of 5]

J’aurai aimé - d’exemples anecdotiques car des anecdotes j’en ai aussi lol + ça reste très superficiel

[Hana Amelia · Rating 5 out of 5]

A thought provoking, life changing read. This should be discussed in secondary schools as a way to open up conversation and mindsets and give children the opportunity to explore current issues and be inspired. Beautiful.

[Ellie Davies · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 stars

[Eva Lily · Rating 5 out of 5]

I dare a man to tell me he’s playing devils advocate - I DARE HIM

[Bob · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really do congratulate the author on conceptualizing this book, I think its aim, to highlight, systematically deconstruct common but problematic turns of phrase, then provide really useful, practical advice on how to constructively address them is just what we need. I now feel more confident, with more tools at my disposal to start doing this. It was also helpful to reflect in a new light when in the past I have been on the receiving end of racism and misogyny, helping me see it for what it was. This has helped me think more charitably towards family members who victim blamed me but more able to correct them. This is very powerful. I appreciate how thoughtful and compassionate the author was in actively trying to strike the write tone in writing 'something helpful, but not soothing their transgressions' and hoping that people can grow rather than applying straight up chastisement. Agreeing with another reviewer I thought her chapters were the most insightful, especially 'Boys will be boys', 'To play devil's advocate' and 'Innocent until proven guilty'. I found it particularly powerful to hear a man's perspective in the chapter 'Men aren't doing anything to help feminism' highlighting feminism is for the benefit of all of us. So why four not five stars? I felt some chapters were a little weak in comparison. I'm particularly thinking of 'Children shouldn't be allowed to transition as what if they change their minds?'. I had been looking forward to this chapter as I don't know much about the transgender community and such I'm sure I have engrained biases against them. However I found when there was a fair bit wRiTtEN lIKe tHiS, I didn't find it particularly constructive, insightful or helpful. However, it has encouraged me to find some other, more nuanced and complex books exploring the subject to educate myself. I also agree with a previous author, 'Islam is an Oppresive religion to women'. There were useful takeaways in it but I felt the author should have acknowledged that not all Muslim women share her experience. Phew, long review! Bottom line, give it a read, there are some gems in there...

[Katie Felstein · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just finished “No Offence But…” and omg, I truly could not have loved it more ❤️ I felt like every chapter, even though I knew a little about each topic already, taught me SO much and helped me dive even deeper into critical thinking and compassion when discussing it with others. I love the way Gina wrote her personal chapters so much - she definitely has a gift for writing and making hard topics so accessible and relatable to talk about. I’m recommending it to everyone I know and will definitely be using lots of the advice in future difficult conversations with friends and family! Thank you to Gina so much for writing such a beautiful, wise and truly crucial book. Feeling grateful to exist in this same time as her! 🫶🏻

[Cathy Latif · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book providing food for thought. A variety of topics are covered - misogyny, racism, politics, immigration, disability, gender and the intersectionality of these. The majority of the chapters are written by Gina Martin but there are also other contributors

I enjoyed the format of the chapters - primarily discussion/history based with a final section of questions/ approaches to use when discussing e.g. “Boys will be boys” or “I don’t do politics”

It’s definitely a book you can (need?) to come back to again and again for reference

[Ellen Marie · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 - you can tell that the author is a gender equality activist; she’s so passionate about these topics. Her chapters are so well written, you can tell she works hard to engage meaningfully with inclusive activism.
Same with the contributors - each chapter masterfully unpacks why popular statements/notions that appear benevolent or even helpful are often extremely harmful and/or offensive.

I really recommend that everyone reads this book - it’s downright depressing sometimes but too important to pass up. (the chapters on the police & the UK cost of living crisis are truly harrowing)

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

An absolutely brilliant book. Listened as an audio book which really added to the experience to hear the words and experiences read aloud by those from the marginalised groups they represent. This is by no means an easy read and challenged me, even as someone who considers myself well informed. Not only does it provide the perfect blend of personal experience and research / data, it also gives so many helpful points for reflection or discussion. I feel so much more confident in challenging discrimination just from this book. I urge everyone to read or listen to this!

[Angeline · Rating 4 out of 5]

A really interesting read which helped me grow in a range of ways through the deconstruction of tropes such as "boys will be boys", "it was a different time (ie we can't say anything these days"), "I don't see colour" and many more

Each chapter starts with why the phrase is problematic before giving arguments we could use to refute it and things to consider further. I recommend this book, everyone has something to learn from it!

[Amy]

listened to the author discuss this on "Pod Save the UK" and it sounds really great - how (especially in-groups) we can have conversations with other people for change (rather than to win debates) based on activist and community group experience. Looking forward to when it is published across the pond!

[Matea Prolascic Baca · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best books I’ve read this year. Gina dips into a lot of topics, from feminism to climate change and gives a great overview of the do’s and don’t’s in todays time. Must read for anyone interested in an equal and just society to everyone. 😁

[Vicky · Rating 4 out of 5]

Staff school library borrow.
Call out. Call in. Have the conversations. If you don’t know then find out. You might be the only person who has this difficult conversation with someone. Not about telling off, about opening up a mindset.

[Kobold · Rating 1 out of 5]

Although there were some good points, there are some chapters in there that are plainly wrong, ignorant, and one sided. No iota of critical thinking. The book would otherwise have been good if those chapters were removed. I would say save your time and find something else worth reading.

[Hannah Short · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was absolutely brilliant, bringing together voices from a variety of backgrounds and areas of activism to create tangible drivers to disrupt non-inclusive discussions. I listened to this on audio but have already ordered a physical copy to scribble all over.

[Kelsey DePorte · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great read with lots of insights whether you’re using this book to do field organising or just reading it for the joy of reading. Highly recommend to just about anyone that wants to better level with people about politics and what it means to do political work.

[Violaine Marty · Rating 5 out of 5]

So good! Lots of learnings from this book, also shared with some real life situations and stories from the author. Insightful and personal, I loved it and will use all the tips and recommendations in my life now.

[Koletta Jurskyte · Rating 4 out of 5]

Whilst some parts I think lacked depth or argument to help have those difficult conversations. However, busting main no offence but convos and helping you find a way to have a conversation with people. I think everyone should read this book

[boe · Rating 5 out of 5]

I believe that this a very important book to read and understand, it helps you navigate and learn further perspectives, I enjoyed the overall cander of this book and I enjoyed it and I fully agree with Gina x

[Eve Gibson-Knowles · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great collection of very accessible essays tackling interlinked social issues/injustices - encouraging you to question others and yourself why they/you think the way you do and continue to perpetuate very harmful biases. Quite a hopeful book for change.

[Grace Melrose · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very helpful and informative.