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264 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 1966
My life was for many, many years a long journey in the land of Chaos.
In my position as a Servant of Justice this changed for the first time, and I was able to see life spread out as a logical chessboard in large, coherent images and patterns.
Oh Lord, this ghastly fear of saying or writing the truth! A lie can be corrected, it can be retracted, lied away – it isn’t final. The truth is definitive, a poison like opium and cocaine. Once tell the truth and there’ll be no way back, no more contact, conviviality, community with people.
Power, which is the sole existing principle, means only one thing: the opportunity to cause others pain… I was always submitting to the idea which had been forced upon me – that the world was right and I myself was wrong. Authority claims truth for its own. The law claims to be just. Power calls itself freedom – because freedom consists in perceiving necessity, which is to submit to power.
The world is full of stars and excrement.A middle-aged Servant of Justice is serving us as a narrator. He diligently performs his duties in the day and by the night, he returns to the dubious comfort of his home to make another frightful entry in the records which carry the motif: The Problem of Evil. One is expected to question as to what all he can write and what all he can leave but he’s a smart writer, having smart ways. One gets transferred from one harsh reality to another and the journey appears ever so smooth because of the presence of dark humor, which is nothing but a deceitful trap of wrapping a straitjacket around the readers and incapacitating them for any stupid try of breaking away. I laughed many laughs which ended in tears of guilt and shame.
Now and then the world and reality lose all coherence and become in the higher sense non-figurative. So I write a little almost every day, but it doesn't help much, because I carefully avoid writing a single word which has anything to do with the truth.Is it because we are undeserving of truth? Does it make us responsible because we are expected to do something about it, like a simple thing of telling it to others? Is the significant sliver of freedom followed by a blinding light of truth burdensome in some inexplicable way? To be honest, I’m afraid of any possible answers but we must question. Just like our narrator who has done so in a both passionate and restrained prose, where digressions becomes a matter of delight and facts become a spectacle of savagery. So there are moments of sorrow, moments of injustice, moments of contempt, moments of humor and moments of truth too but Moment of Freedom is still an elusive dream.
...it has to be like that so that injustice can take its course. 43This book is a devastating evocation of violence, immorality, and injustice, made only slightly more palatable by the blackest of humor and a dash of literary tact to taste. For literature has always had a certain quality of a screen -- it both exposes and hides. Literature is a comfort. Think of Sebald, Bernhard and Handke, authors who come to mind when reading this one, but there is a holding back in those books, a fear that naming the thing too directly will ruin the art--that need to tell it slant.
One needs a dialectical superstructure in order to speak truly, and he knew it. One needs it in order to die as well, because these two things hang together: there's a smell of death associated with all truth, something of death's shamelessness. Falsehood likewise has its relationship to death. No one knows that better than I myself, who have lied so much. But it's a different relationship. It isn't so inexorable, because a lie can be made right again, it can be corrected with a new lie, it isn't final and absolute. But a truth--once it's out, then it's inexorable--a brother to death. 13But for our narrator, it is the opposite. He is writing a book called The History of Bestiality in which he tries to find personal meaning in the sea of bleak inhumanity that is post-war Europe:
I thought about how I'd staked everything on achieving one single thing: to be at peace with the world! Through many years I'd sought out injustice in order to inure myself to it. That was the whole secret in my plan: to tolerate unfreedom and injustice. 55Saying it that way is humorously backwards. But there is a truth in it too. For his hatred of unfreedom and injustice requires that he lives in it, that he become completely comfortable and resigned to it to the point of acceptance--not of the senseless acts themselves, but of the fact that it has gone on and will go on (and even a weird faith that it serves some kind of mysterious purpose):
In our own excellent times, many have noticed that the world to a certain degree bears the stamp of wars and acts of violence. There are people who take this hard. That's because they don't think enough about ... how every period has been about the same: the total picture is a bloody operating room of an executioner's workshop. Why it should--just by pure accident, all by itself--have become any different after the last century's technological progress, is simply a completely open and unanswered question. 160In a voice of melancholy and bitterness, he takes us through a landscape of dreams, stories, thoughts and recollections. But the price of this encounter with truth is high. His memory is riddled with holes--he doesn't even remember his own name or who he is. One gets the sense that he has traded personal biography for humanity's. That in fact the stories he's collected over the years, and which he recounts for us, stories of normal people doing really shitty things, has somehow replaced his own stories one by one, so that he remembers nothing of it.
Of course I remember a lot from my life, but I have this steadily stronger feeling that I don't remember what it's all about. 177And this form of amnesia also has a certain honesty to it. For the way it works is not unlike the way memory works when we jump from one thing to another. Thus the book in the end feels vague in the best of ways, i.e. one has that feeling of stumbling out of a dream-fugue, that vague amorphous blob that is human experience recollected, but without the writing itself being vague. The writing is always sharp, specific, cutting.
Naturally in the course of the battles great quantities of excrement also went down into the soil, in part evacuations from three million men who expelled their feces in the normal or customary manner--but also immense quantities of excrement which came out through the mouths or purely and simply through the backs or bellies of the combatants; in other words, intestinal content which had been more or less fully converted to excrement, and which naturally had great fertilizer value when mixed with blood and other body fluids. 168 (he goes on for pages comparing the fertilizing value of different types of solders, young vs. old, German vs. Anglo-Celts, etc.)This is not simply a catalogue of wrongs. I hope I didn't give that impression. There's so much in here and it is not boring for a second. It is more like an extended essay with creative fictional elements to it. It is even a call to action, but to personal, meaningful action. There's a tenderness in his voice and a constant feeling of weirdness. The way he calls the subjects of his stories "little bears" for instance is both endearing and creepy at the same time. This is not a perfect book. He puts too much raw (sometimes even sentimental) emotion and political statements in it for that. But perhaps it is better than a perfect book.
The question was clear: Is it I who am mad, or is it the world? I knew the right answer, but I didn't dare to utter it: It is the world which is mad! Instead I bowed and said: The world is right: I am mad--thus making myself the World's accomplice in the Sin against the Holy Spirit. For many years I concealed my terrible deed behind the mask of modesty and humility. 146OK, one more quote... simply because this description of a painting is so telling and so beautiful, to me, and encapsulates something of the futility/hope of the speaker:
One of the pictures which has pursued me ever since, and which has been a companion through life, is Ernst Josephsson's painting La joie de vivre; it shows an old man's deathbed.Between smiles and seriousness--yes that exactly... though the smiles occasionally resemble grimaces.
The whole picture is a soft, mild flicker of light and color; the white, clear afternoon light filters in through the window, dissolving all fixed objects, the bed, the bedclothes, the head and beard on the old, smiling man. Beside the old man are standing in the same all-effacing and flickering light the old wife, a little child, and a young woman. They're all smiling the same soft, contented child's smile as the old man in the bed. Beside him is a glass of wine. In the background an old French peasant cupboard, which also lies under this veil of light. The picture is heavily and thickly painted, with the colors hanging in coarse clumps--and all this weight is in Josephsson's spirit transformed into lightness, to light, to a vibrant shimmer, to a world which is no longer of earth, but of light, all the pain of sickness and decay has turned into joy in life, to la grande joie de vivre; the world has once again become a flowering, matter is conquered, and the old man's face, his smile--like the smiles of the others--lies, like the whole painting, between laughter and tears, lies in a double light, in a fissure between smiles and seriousness which--as the great Servant of Justice Hans E. Kinck says: "whispers of a man's soul in dissolution." Of the look, I would say, which sees behind reality, straight through matter which is itself in a state of dissolution. La joie de vivre is the most beautiful example I know of matter transformed, transubstantiated through spiritual chemistry: this is my body....
"He despised Germans with an almost pathological and congenital disgust.
(...)
What disturbed him the most about them wasn't their cruelty, but their unlimited greed, their senseless haben-haben mentality, and their lust for other peoples's food, money, land, women, paired with their quaint and moralizing holier-than-thou complacency.
(...)
The countrymen of Mozart are in themselves no more evil or brutal than other ethnic groups - a point I wish to underline throughout my work - but they are tormented by their own greed for things, food and money to such an extent that they deem it their inalienable right to exterminate entire groups of people only to satisfy their natural hunger for other people's things.
(...)
They want food, insurmountable mountains of food. They want to eat the world, and to eat the world they must have all the money and all the things, all the cars and fur coats on the earth. The world is my breakfast."