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All We Have Is Now
Ian McBride, a principal in a prominent repertory theater company, erected an emotional wall after his longtime lover died of AIDS. But during rehearsals for The Tempest, Jimmy Davidson, the actor playing Ariel, begins to chip away at Ian's walls. After twelve years along, Ian finds himself once again deeply and happily in love. Despite the usual bumps of any relationship, Ian and Jimmy begin to slowly weave their lives together.
But during a visit to his family's home in Kimberley, Texas, Jimmy is savagely murdered in a bias attack. Wanting revenge and needing the solace and closure he never found after his first lover's death, Ian goes to Kimberley for Jimmy's funeral and the trial. Buffeted by the media that have descended to cover the sensational case, and regarded with suspicion and distaste by the town and by Jimmy's equally bereft parents, Ian is isolated and alone with his rage, sadness, and loss. That is, until he finds an unlikely ally in the person of Jimmy's beloved grandmother, Livie, a woman of great compassion and emotional fire, and with a secret history of her own.
All We Have Is Now is a moving and powerful novel of love and loss, of hate and understanding, of grief and resolution.
But during a visit to his family's home in Kimberley, Texas, Jimmy is savagely murdered in a bias attack. Wanting revenge and needing the solace and closure he never found after his first lover's death, Ian goes to Kimberley for Jimmy's funeral and the trial. Buffeted by the media that have descended to cover the sensational case, and regarded with suspicion and distaste by the town and by Jimmy's equally bereft parents, Ian is isolated and alone with his rage, sadness, and loss. That is, until he finds an unlikely ally in the person of Jimmy's beloved grandmother, Livie, a woman of great compassion and emotional fire, and with a secret history of her own.
All We Have Is Now is a moving and powerful novel of love and loss, of hate and understanding, of grief and resolution.
288 pages, Hardcover
First published June 15, 2002
28 people want to read
About the author
Robert Taylor
7 books1 followerRobert Taylor – author of The Innocent (1997), All We Have Is Now (hardback in 2002, paperback in 2006), Revelation and Other Stories (2002), Whose Eye Is on Which Sparrow? (2004), and A Few Hints and Clews (2007) – was born in Abilene, Texas, on July 22, 1940. He lived in a number of towns and cities in Texas while he was growing up, but thinks of San Antonio as his hometown.
As soon as he learned to read, he fell in love with books and started spending as much time with them as he could. Working on his high school newspaper solidified his interest in writing and led him to major in journalism at Texas Technological College (now Texas Tech University) in Lubbock. He was managing editor of the college newspaper his senior year and president of a number of campus organizations. In recognition of this, he was selected to appear in the 1961-1962 edition of Who's Who among Students in American Universities and Colleges. He graduated with high honors from Texas Tech in the spring of 1962 and was named Outstanding Male Graduate in Journalism.
He had joined ROTC as a way to help pay for college and upon graduation was commissioned as a second lieutenant in Army Intelligence. Graduating first in his class at Intelligence school led to an assignment at the Pentagon, in the Office of the Assistant Chief of Staff for Intelligence. The war in Vietnam kept him from being released after his original commitment of three years was up. He was promoted to first lieutenant and then captain. He was sent to Vietnam in October 1966 and was assigned to the Intelligence staff of the Commanding General at Headquarters, U. S. Army Vietnam. At the end of his year there, he was awarded a Bronze Star for Meritorious Service.
During his years in the Army, Taylor had lived with the constant fear that his homosexuality would be discovered, which would have led to an automatic dishonorable discharge. Once he was a civilian again, he was determined to leave that kind of fear behind. Although all the institutions of society were, at that time, still united in their abhorrence of homosexuality, he nevertheless told his family, friends, and coworkers that he was gay and has lived openly ever since.
Taylor’s first novel, The Innocent, was published in the fall of 1997 by Fithian Press in Santa Barbara, California, and is still in print in a second printing. His second novel, All We Have Is Now, was published in hardback by St. Martin’s Press in New York City in June 2002 (later republished in paperback by The Haworth Press in 2006). Eleven short stories and the novella, with the title of Revelation and Other Stories, were published by Puckerbrush Press in Orono, Maine, in the fall of 2002. A third novel, Whose Eye Is On Which Sparrow?, published in 2004 by The Haworth Press in Binghamton, New York, was named the “Best Gay Romance of 2004” by the InsightOut book-of-the-month club and won the 2005 Independent Publisher Book Award for the best book of the year with a gay or lesbian theme, including both fiction and nonfiction. Taylor’s most recent book, a novel called A Few Hints and Clews, published in the spring of 2007 by The Haworth Press, was a finalist for a 2008 Lambda Literary Award.
In May 1994, an essay by Taylor on the history of gay rights in America was included in Gay Pride: Photographs from Stonewall to Today, a book of photographs by Fred McDarrah published by A Cappella Books. A short story, “One Last Drink on the Piazza,” was published in the Winter/Spring 1999 issue of The Peninsula Review. Another, “Death Is Our Destination,” was published in the Winter/Spring 2002 issue of Puckerbrush Review. An essay by Taylor called “The Story of an Almost Marriage” was included in an anthology called I Do/I Don’t: Queers on Marriage, published in 2004 by Suspect Thoughts Press in San Francisco, California. This book won the 2005 Lambda Literary Award for best nonfiction anthology.
As soon as he learned to read, he fell in love with books and started spending as much time with them as he could. Working on his high school newspaper solidified his interest in writing and led him to major in journalism at Texas Technological College (now Texas Tech University) in Lubbock. He was managing editor of the college newspaper his senior year and president of a number of campus organizations. In recognition of this, he was selected to appear in the 1961-1962 edition of Who's Who among Students in American Universities and Colleges. He graduated with high honors from Texas Tech in the spring of 1962 and was named Outstanding Male Graduate in Journalism.
He had joined ROTC as a way to help pay for college and upon graduation was commissioned as a second lieutenant in Army Intelligence. Graduating first in his class at Intelligence school led to an assignment at the Pentagon, in the Office of the Assistant Chief of Staff for Intelligence. The war in Vietnam kept him from being released after his original commitment of three years was up. He was promoted to first lieutenant and then captain. He was sent to Vietnam in October 1966 and was assigned to the Intelligence staff of the Commanding General at Headquarters, U. S. Army Vietnam. At the end of his year there, he was awarded a Bronze Star for Meritorious Service.
During his years in the Army, Taylor had lived with the constant fear that his homosexuality would be discovered, which would have led to an automatic dishonorable discharge. Once he was a civilian again, he was determined to leave that kind of fear behind. Although all the institutions of society were, at that time, still united in their abhorrence of homosexuality, he nevertheless told his family, friends, and coworkers that he was gay and has lived openly ever since.
Taylor’s first novel, The Innocent, was published in the fall of 1997 by Fithian Press in Santa Barbara, California, and is still in print in a second printing. His second novel, All We Have Is Now, was published in hardback by St. Martin’s Press in New York City in June 2002 (later republished in paperback by The Haworth Press in 2006). Eleven short stories and the novella, with the title of Revelation and Other Stories, were published by Puckerbrush Press in Orono, Maine, in the fall of 2002. A third novel, Whose Eye Is On Which Sparrow?, published in 2004 by The Haworth Press in Binghamton, New York, was named the “Best Gay Romance of 2004” by the InsightOut book-of-the-month club and won the 2005 Independent Publisher Book Award for the best book of the year with a gay or lesbian theme, including both fiction and nonfiction. Taylor’s most recent book, a novel called A Few Hints and Clews, published in the spring of 2007 by The Haworth Press, was a finalist for a 2008 Lambda Literary Award.
In May 1994, an essay by Taylor on the history of gay rights in America was included in Gay Pride: Photographs from Stonewall to Today, a book of photographs by Fred McDarrah published by A Cappella Books. A short story, “One Last Drink on the Piazza,” was published in the Winter/Spring 1999 issue of The Peninsula Review. Another, “Death Is Our Destination,” was published in the Winter/Spring 2002 issue of Puckerbrush Review. An essay by Taylor called “The Story of an Almost Marriage” was included in an anthology called I Do/I Don’t: Queers on Marriage, published in 2004 by Suspect Thoughts Press in San Francisco, California. This book won the 2005 Lambda Literary Award for best nonfiction anthology.
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Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews
May 15, 2016
He virtually turns into a gay Job. Trevor, the main character in Robert Taylor’s novel, survives the death of his partner from AIDS, but barely, in a state of emotional paralysis, believing himself incapable of ever feeling anything again.
Life has other plans. Eight years later, Trevor falls in love with Jimmy, a spiritual, almost ethereal younger man, and for a time it all seems fairly idyllic … until Jimmy is murdered in a brutal hate crime. Pushing hot buttons appears to be Taylor’s stock in trade. His previous novel, The Innocent, concerned a soldier coming out in Vietnam, and just as the massacre in that book recalled the slaughter at My Lai, the killing in All We Have Is Now echoes the death of Matthew Shepard.
Some cultural wounds never heal. During the trial of Jimmy’s assailants, Trevor bonds with the victim's grandmother, a delightfully sane character, and together they try to make sense of America’s virulent homophobia. The author provides a highly schematic worldview, one in which the parents of gays are narrow-minded and unforgiving, where fathers sneer and mothers reject dying sons. These things sometimes happen in reality of course, but readers may find it difficult not to feel manipulated. On the other hand, so many of the plot twists come straight from the headlines. For instance, when a ‘church group’ screams hate slogans at mourners, it seems almost farcically vile. And yet…
Sadness and anger are the order of the day, and so they should be. Despite the author's tendency to sensationalize (and a pedestrian prose style), which somewhat trivializes the themes, this remains a sincere work about loving in a world full of hate.
Life has other plans. Eight years later, Trevor falls in love with Jimmy, a spiritual, almost ethereal younger man, and for a time it all seems fairly idyllic … until Jimmy is murdered in a brutal hate crime. Pushing hot buttons appears to be Taylor’s stock in trade. His previous novel, The Innocent, concerned a soldier coming out in Vietnam, and just as the massacre in that book recalled the slaughter at My Lai, the killing in All We Have Is Now echoes the death of Matthew Shepard.
Some cultural wounds never heal. During the trial of Jimmy’s assailants, Trevor bonds with the victim's grandmother, a delightfully sane character, and together they try to make sense of America’s virulent homophobia. The author provides a highly schematic worldview, one in which the parents of gays are narrow-minded and unforgiving, where fathers sneer and mothers reject dying sons. These things sometimes happen in reality of course, but readers may find it difficult not to feel manipulated. On the other hand, so many of the plot twists come straight from the headlines. For instance, when a ‘church group’ screams hate slogans at mourners, it seems almost farcically vile. And yet…
Sadness and anger are the order of the day, and so they should be. Despite the author's tendency to sensationalize (and a pedestrian prose style), which somewhat trivializes the themes, this remains a sincere work about loving in a world full of hate.
December 11, 2023
Nice, simple little story. Nothing groundbreaking but a quick read that makes you reflect a bit.
July 4, 2008
Following the death of his partner of eight years, middle-aged stage actor Ian McBride spends the next twelve years alone, making his mark and creating a name for himself within the Washington, DC-area theater community. During a production of Shakespeare's Tempest, Ian finds himself as the unwitting object of the affections of his fellow cast member Jimmy - a young man who happens to be more than twenty years Ian's junior. What begins as a friendship between seasoned expert and star-struck novice evolves into a passionate love affair.
Within a year after Jimmy accepts Ian's invitation to move in with him, he is killed by gay bashers while home in Texas visiting his family for his mother's fiftieth birthday. The incident makes headlines both locally and nationally, and Ian is immediately thrown into the spotlight. Given Jimmy's sexual orientation and the circumstances leading up to his murder, trying to honor his memory - as well as their relationship - becomes a formidable task in small-town America. Building a bridge between himself and Jimmy's family presents enough of a challenge to Ian, but fellow townspeople are even less accepting, and Ian's own safety is ultimately at risk. Jimmy's grandmother, Livie, takes a liking to Ian and turns out to be someone he can depend on, as well as confide in about Jimmy and the sentiment left behind.
The latter part of this story borrows too much from Matthew Shepard's real-life murder, particularly the trial and testimony from the culprits. Yet the story is a grim and important reminder of how commonplace such incidents are in every region ranging from the rural to the metropolitan. Early in the novel, Ian and Jimmy's courtship seems a bit rushed; while life experience has taught Ian that no relationship is perfect, I would have preferred to have gotten to know both characters a little better as a couple. Still, the book is a mostly enjoyable read about how relationships start and end, and a testament to the importance of appreciating what you have, especially while you still have it.
Within a year after Jimmy accepts Ian's invitation to move in with him, he is killed by gay bashers while home in Texas visiting his family for his mother's fiftieth birthday. The incident makes headlines both locally and nationally, and Ian is immediately thrown into the spotlight. Given Jimmy's sexual orientation and the circumstances leading up to his murder, trying to honor his memory - as well as their relationship - becomes a formidable task in small-town America. Building a bridge between himself and Jimmy's family presents enough of a challenge to Ian, but fellow townspeople are even less accepting, and Ian's own safety is ultimately at risk. Jimmy's grandmother, Livie, takes a liking to Ian and turns out to be someone he can depend on, as well as confide in about Jimmy and the sentiment left behind.
The latter part of this story borrows too much from Matthew Shepard's real-life murder, particularly the trial and testimony from the culprits. Yet the story is a grim and important reminder of how commonplace such incidents are in every region ranging from the rural to the metropolitan. Early in the novel, Ian and Jimmy's courtship seems a bit rushed; while life experience has taught Ian that no relationship is perfect, I would have preferred to have gotten to know both characters a little better as a couple. Still, the book is a mostly enjoyable read about how relationships start and end, and a testament to the importance of appreciating what you have, especially while you still have it.
February 18, 2008
This is actually a very well written novel. However, I should've read a closer review of the subject matter. The first part of the book was very poignant and lovely. I didn't realize until it was too late that Jimmy, Ian's lover, is murdered.
I avoid death stories when I know about them ahead of time and there are few novels which will make me break that rule. FRONT RUNNER was one of those. This, however, is no FRONT RUNNER. While the first part of the book is something I'd read again, I hated the last part after Jimmy is murdered. For my part, I'm sick of reading books where nice people are murdered and then the writer tries to make the reader feel sympathy for the monsters that killed them.
Of course, I know the monsters are made by society. I get that. I just don't have a lot of patience for it and I don't find it in any way entertaining.
I avoid death stories when I know about them ahead of time and there are few novels which will make me break that rule. FRONT RUNNER was one of those. This, however, is no FRONT RUNNER. While the first part of the book is something I'd read again, I hated the last part after Jimmy is murdered. For my part, I'm sick of reading books where nice people are murdered and then the writer tries to make the reader feel sympathy for the monsters that killed them.
Of course, I know the monsters are made by society. I get that. I just don't have a lot of patience for it and I don't find it in any way entertaining.
Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews