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Building Better Families: A Practical Guide to Raising Amazing Children
For more than a decade, Matthew Kelly has been traveling the world inspiring people to become the-best-version-of-themselves. During this time he has been amazed at how regularly he is How do I encourage my children to embrace this message? How does your message apply to a family? Now, for the first time, Kelly shares with us remarkable insights and sensible everyday strategies for transforming the family into what it should a place where each of us can become the-best-version-of-ourselves.
Beginning with an exploration of the changing face of the family in our culture, Kelly sets every reader at ease by “A family is not what we think a family should be, or what we hope to have, or should have, or what would be ideal–a family is what we actually have. A family is the one we’ve got.” Nor can a family ever be perfect, he goes on to explain. “Perfect families exist only in our minds, and it is these imaginings that are very often the enemy of our ability to enjoy the wonderful family we already have, or might have if we made it just that little bit more of a priority.”
In Building Better Families, Kelly explores important issues by raising evocative What makes a successful parent? Do you realize that your children are in the middle of a cultural war? What are the five things children really need? Are you asking your children the right questions? What are you teaching your children about work, money, food, exercise, body image, and sex? What are the priorities of your family culture?
Every page of this book is filled with examples that can be applied to your daily experience of parenting and family, while at the same time illuminating the broader and deeper significance of family for society and the future of humanity. “The family is at once a deeply personal experience and the cornerstone of all great societies,” Matthew Kelly tells us. Allow this book of classic wisdom and practical insight to help you build a better family.
Beginning with an exploration of the changing face of the family in our culture, Kelly sets every reader at ease by “A family is not what we think a family should be, or what we hope to have, or should have, or what would be ideal–a family is what we actually have. A family is the one we’ve got.” Nor can a family ever be perfect, he goes on to explain. “Perfect families exist only in our minds, and it is these imaginings that are very often the enemy of our ability to enjoy the wonderful family we already have, or might have if we made it just that little bit more of a priority.”
In Building Better Families, Kelly explores important issues by raising evocative What makes a successful parent? Do you realize that your children are in the middle of a cultural war? What are the five things children really need? Are you asking your children the right questions? What are you teaching your children about work, money, food, exercise, body image, and sex? What are the priorities of your family culture?
Every page of this book is filled with examples that can be applied to your daily experience of parenting and family, while at the same time illuminating the broader and deeper significance of family for society and the future of humanity. “The family is at once a deeply personal experience and the cornerstone of all great societies,” Matthew Kelly tells us. Allow this book of classic wisdom and practical insight to help you build a better family.
208 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2008
38 people are currently reading
450 people want to read
About the author
Matthew Kelly
188 books1,402 followersMatthew Kelly is a best-selling author, speaker, thought leader, entrepreneur, consultant, spiritual leader, and innovator.
He has dedicated his life to helping people and organizations become the-best-version-of-themselves. Born in Sydney, Australia, he began speaking and writing in his late teens while he was attending business school. Since that time, 5 million people have attended his seminars and presentations in more than 50 countries.
Today, Kelly is an internationally acclaimed speaker, author, and business consultant. His books have been published in more than 30 languages, have appeared on The New York Times, Wall Street Journal, and USA Today bestseller lists, and have sold more than 50 million copies.
In his early-twenties he developed "the-best-version-of-yourself" concept and has been sharing it in every arena of life for more than twenty-five years. It is quoted by presidents and celebrities, athletes and their coaches, business leaders and innovators, though perhaps it is never more powerfully quoted than when a mother or father asks a child, "Will that help you become the-best-version-of-yourself?"
Kelly's personal interests include golf, music, art, literature, investing, spirituality, and spending time with his wife, Meggie, and their children Walter, Isabel, Harry, Ralph, and Simon.
He has dedicated his life to helping people and organizations become the-best-version-of-themselves. Born in Sydney, Australia, he began speaking and writing in his late teens while he was attending business school. Since that time, 5 million people have attended his seminars and presentations in more than 50 countries.
Today, Kelly is an internationally acclaimed speaker, author, and business consultant. His books have been published in more than 30 languages, have appeared on The New York Times, Wall Street Journal, and USA Today bestseller lists, and have sold more than 50 million copies.
In his early-twenties he developed "the-best-version-of-yourself" concept and has been sharing it in every arena of life for more than twenty-five years. It is quoted by presidents and celebrities, athletes and their coaches, business leaders and innovators, though perhaps it is never more powerfully quoted than when a mother or father asks a child, "Will that help you become the-best-version-of-yourself?"
Kelly's personal interests include golf, music, art, literature, investing, spirituality, and spending time with his wife, Meggie, and their children Walter, Isabel, Harry, Ralph, and Simon.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 49 reviews
February 20, 2022
I ignored the outdated sections…and I managed to learn a lot. Can’t wait to be a parent
May 19, 2012
So I got this audio book from the back of church through the lighthouse, life house... Anyway, I bought a physical copy so I could highlight it. My favorite way to read a good "self help" book, and a "bad" habit from school that I never grew out of. But I gave that book away and bought 3 more copies. I don't think I have a physical copy anymore... So I bought it again.
As a Catholic father I like this book more than I like Steven Covey's books, which is saying something. A 35 year old single man telling me how to be a father. For some guys that doesn't work, I mean, most cases those guys are not even attempting a life of authenticity. Mathew Kelly, would make a great father, and the advice he gives comes from a person who knows how to love and guide others to live authentically, that's what fatherhood is, living the way you want your children to live. I work with the Knights of Columbus and am very excited to get to hear Mathew Kelly this July, even though he isn't a life insurance professional, he will say something exciting and motivating that I will leave asking myself, what can I do to see more people and help more people and be the best version of myself?
Though I did feel this lack of 1st hand experience showed in a few areas. Some good ideas, research, and mostly well done.
As a Catholic father I like this book more than I like Steven Covey's books, which is saying something. A 35 year old single man telling me how to be a father. For some guys that doesn't work, I mean, most cases those guys are not even attempting a life of authenticity. Mathew Kelly, would make a great father, and the advice he gives comes from a person who knows how to love and guide others to live authentically, that's what fatherhood is, living the way you want your children to live. I work with the Knights of Columbus and am very excited to get to hear Mathew Kelly this July, even though he isn't a life insurance professional, he will say something exciting and motivating that I will leave asking myself, what can I do to see more people and help more people and be the best version of myself?
Though I did feel this lack of 1st hand experience showed in a few areas. Some good ideas, research, and mostly well done.
April 7, 2009
It gave me a lot to think about being a better parent. It also made being a parent seem less daunting:)
March 20, 2008
I guess this is a self-improvement book. I'm glad the author -- a single 35-year-old male with no kids -- clarified in the introduction that "you don't have to be a great player to be a great coach." Bam! He's qualified to offer advice... you can read on.
The book's mantra -- which, in the end I found to an interesting query in and of itself -- is to always ask yourself whether this or that will help you "to become the best version of yourself." And, of course, you should start to ask your kids from an early age whether their desire to do/have something will help them to become the best version of themselves. Etc. The more I thought about it, I figured, you know, that's probably not a bad question to ask yourself. I asked my 4.5 year old daugther that and she walked away. Oh well, the author says it's making an impression on her psyche somewhere.
I felt disqualified by this book at two points. First, when the "five habits" of "working marriages" were enumerated and realizing I met none of them (3 of the 5 involving weekends, dinners away from the kids). Second, when the strong religious tone was laid down: "When was the last time you sat down in the classroom of silence with the Divine Architect"... "the Divine Navigator" or "your God" and asked to be shown "the plan." Uh....
All in all though, the message is good. Set a good example for your kids by doing good yourself. Eat well, speak well, give back, etc. I also like the counter-culture message -- "we are at war" and "our entire civilization is in crisis." Against TV, video games, fast food, teen sex, the mandate to consume to be happy.
Also provide some interesting stats (no footnotes for references though, so maybe he made it up): more than 50% of American children now live separated from their bio dads. And: by the time the average American child is 6 years old, she will have spent more time watching TV than she will spend talking to her father in her entire life.
As I read the book, couldn't shake the knowledge that the author has "traveled the globe" and presented seminars to more than 3 million people. Wasn't Donald Trump doing something like that to make us all milllionaires. If only.
The book's mantra -- which, in the end I found to an interesting query in and of itself -- is to always ask yourself whether this or that will help you "to become the best version of yourself." And, of course, you should start to ask your kids from an early age whether their desire to do/have something will help them to become the best version of themselves. Etc. The more I thought about it, I figured, you know, that's probably not a bad question to ask yourself. I asked my 4.5 year old daugther that and she walked away. Oh well, the author says it's making an impression on her psyche somewhere.
I felt disqualified by this book at two points. First, when the "five habits" of "working marriages" were enumerated and realizing I met none of them (3 of the 5 involving weekends, dinners away from the kids). Second, when the strong religious tone was laid down: "When was the last time you sat down in the classroom of silence with the Divine Architect"... "the Divine Navigator" or "your God" and asked to be shown "the plan." Uh....
All in all though, the message is good. Set a good example for your kids by doing good yourself. Eat well, speak well, give back, etc. I also like the counter-culture message -- "we are at war" and "our entire civilization is in crisis." Against TV, video games, fast food, teen sex, the mandate to consume to be happy.
Also provide some interesting stats (no footnotes for references though, so maybe he made it up): more than 50% of American children now live separated from their bio dads. And: by the time the average American child is 6 years old, she will have spent more time watching TV than she will spend talking to her father in her entire life.
As I read the book, couldn't shake the knowledge that the author has "traveled the globe" and presented seminars to more than 3 million people. Wasn't Donald Trump doing something like that to make us all milllionaires. If only.
May 17, 2009
I read this book for a discussion group at church... had it not been for that, I would have quit after the first few chapters. A 35 year old man who has never been married and never had kids has no business telling me how to raise mine.
One whole chapter is spent describing his own family, including personality traits of each of his many brothers... why on earth did I need to read that?
Kelly's theory that everything in life can be decided by asking whether or not it will help you become "the very best version of yourself" is interesting... but his attempts to relate this to parenting are lacking in reality. I literally laughed out loud when he suggested that young children's questions can always be answered by posing some version of this question. When my child asks for a snack, I'm to answer by asking her if that food will help her to be the best version of herself, or whether there is another snack food that might be better. Seriously??? I get the idea-- encouraging healthy choices-- but clearly he has never faced a hungry child who wants a snack, not a philosophy lesson.
Kelly's general ideas are ok, but I didn't find any practical advice or any realistic plans for how to impliment these ideas in daily life. I wouldn't recommend this book to anyone.
One whole chapter is spent describing his own family, including personality traits of each of his many brothers... why on earth did I need to read that?
Kelly's theory that everything in life can be decided by asking whether or not it will help you become "the very best version of yourself" is interesting... but his attempts to relate this to parenting are lacking in reality. I literally laughed out loud when he suggested that young children's questions can always be answered by posing some version of this question. When my child asks for a snack, I'm to answer by asking her if that food will help her to be the best version of herself, or whether there is another snack food that might be better. Seriously??? I get the idea-- encouraging healthy choices-- but clearly he has never faced a hungry child who wants a snack, not a philosophy lesson.
Kelly's general ideas are ok, but I didn't find any practical advice or any realistic plans for how to impliment these ideas in daily life. I wouldn't recommend this book to anyone.
June 15, 2009
This book basically takes Matthew's running theme, (the theme he always speaks and writes on), and tailors it to the family. And what is that theme? Well, quite simply it is asking how or what are you doing to become "the best version of yourself." In this instance, the question is when you parent, what are you doing to be the best parental version of yourself? What guides your decision-making processes? Not only "are you talking to your kids?", but are you asking the right questions of them? If you are a parent and like any of Matthew's other works, this should have a place on your bookshelf. It's NOT a discipline book and it's not a blueprint for parenting. It's more like an examination of conscience - something to help guide and clarify your own thinking on how to best raise your children and care for your family.
July 17, 2013
Just discovered Matthew Kelly. I thought his book as really good. His philosophy in life is life changing and I believe will help me to be a better me, wife and mother. I listened to this book and really enjoyed his voice. Would highly recommend this book especially to people with young children. Even people with older children or grandchildren should read this book as he explains how to help the young people in our life to find their vocation (calling)not just be focused on making money.
October 21, 2013
Matthew Kelly gives some down-to-earth, real-life advice on effective parenting. He is definitely (and thankfully) in the camp of kids needs limits from their parents; parents should NOT strive to be their kids friends. He investigates some of the current challenges that media, video games, and other technology present and ways to manage them (having family phones that kids can use when needed versus giving your 9 year old his own cell phone). I appreciate the overarching question of "does this help you/your kids/your spouse become the best version of yourself/themselves/him/herself?" It is an interesting question to keep in mind each and every day!
I also appreciated pondering the question of what one word will I want my child to use to describe me as a parent 20 years from now. I think that will help guide me on future parenting decisions, as it will be a way to check and see if my answer matches with my chosen word. Similarly, Mr. Kelly asks you to think about what one word you will want to use to describe your child 20 years from now. Successful, rich, independent, caring? I think keeping those one-word answers in mind helps narrow some of the many parenting decisions down into more manageable goals.
I definitely recommend his book to other parents, as well as teachers and other child-care providers. Many, many worthwhile words of wisdom are conveniently consolidated into "Building Better Families." John Gottman is another fantastic (and perhaps more importantly, research-based marriage and family therapist) author of multiple parenting and relationship books worth reading.
I also appreciated pondering the question of what one word will I want my child to use to describe me as a parent 20 years from now. I think that will help guide me on future parenting decisions, as it will be a way to check and see if my answer matches with my chosen word. Similarly, Mr. Kelly asks you to think about what one word you will want to use to describe your child 20 years from now. Successful, rich, independent, caring? I think keeping those one-word answers in mind helps narrow some of the many parenting decisions down into more manageable goals.
I definitely recommend his book to other parents, as well as teachers and other child-care providers. Many, many worthwhile words of wisdom are conveniently consolidated into "Building Better Families." John Gottman is another fantastic (and perhaps more importantly, research-based marriage and family therapist) author of multiple parenting and relationship books worth reading.
February 22, 2014
Given my background, this book had few new ideas for me, but it articulated ideas that I was already familiar with, sometimes things I had only thought privately or even secretly, and articulated them extremely well, and in new and interesting ways. I don't read a lot of parenting books, and those I do read are all too often pop psychology garbage which will be abandoned in a few years as a new parenting trend becomes fashionable, but Kelly addresses universal and fundamental moral principles of parenting in and orderly and comprehensive way, and I do not hesitate to recommend it.
December 27, 2010
just picked it up at the library.
good reminders. i wouldn't call it so practical. i'm sure it's actually pretty annoying in the hands of desperate housewives trying to invite calm into chaotic homes. just some overarching principles without the benefit of meted steps toward implementation.
but it did inspire me to get off my duff and do the "so you think you can dance, get fit" video & tell my husband what "we" could be doing better ;).
like i said, not so practical.
good reminders. i wouldn't call it so practical. i'm sure it's actually pretty annoying in the hands of desperate housewives trying to invite calm into chaotic homes. just some overarching principles without the benefit of meted steps toward implementation.
but it did inspire me to get off my duff and do the "so you think you can dance, get fit" video & tell my husband what "we" could be doing better ;).
like i said, not so practical.
March 12, 2011
A nice, quick, motivating read. Actually, I listened to the audio version, and the author was a decent narrator. Many great ideas for raising kids. While I did get a little tired of hearing "the best version of yourself", his point was well taken. I would have liked my husband to listen to it as well, as the ideas would be best implemented by both parents. I recommend this book for any parent trying to to their best to raise loving and motivated kids.
May 16, 2009
Really made me think about the culture that our kids are facing these days and how opposite it is to my values in so many ways. It talks about helping our children create a "Best-of" version of themselves. I liked some parts so much that I actually took notes so I could remember certain points - haven't done that much since college.
March 4, 2012
I bought this as an audio book for a friend and decided to listen to it myself. It contains practical advice and is a must read (or listen) for parents. Since I don't plan to have children, the subject matter didn't interest me as much. But if I ever decide to become a parent, I will revisit this title.
June 6, 2013
I listened to this book on CD. It took me nearly three weeks of regular listening due to frequent stopping and re-listening. So many great stories and ideas that it is difficult to soak it all in quickly. Several ideas have changed my personal mission for my family and I am applying many ideas to our home! Such a fun author!
February 10, 2019
This book is a must read for everyone, whether a parent or not. We all grew up in families and Kelly explains very well how parents affect our lives. It is also a good leadership book. I'm sure I'm going to re-read this book again when I'll be a parent. Precious guidelines for a life in which to strive for the-better-version-of-yourself.
October 20, 2014
A terrific parenting book with a dash of social context and a touch of contemporary reality, I strongly recommend Matthew Kelly's book on what children need to grow up emotionally healthy and spiritually grounded.
June 30, 2008
I read this book after reading a recommendation in the newspaper. The book contained a lot of common sense info and validated many things I already knew. Didn't offer much new insight.
August 20, 2008
a must read for new parents, a good read for anyone.
July 2, 2009
Mostly skimmed.....good, but not a book I'd read cover to cover. I didn't know he was Catholic until after I read it.
Read
July 31, 2011Good book - would recommend it. And definitely will look for other books by this author.
August 25, 2013
Really great book to put things in perspective about our jobs as parents- to help our kids create the best-version-of-themselves. Really enjoyed it.
September 22, 2016
Great guide to teaching your children about becoming a better person while having a lovely family.
November 25, 2009
phenomenal way of looking at parenting!
April 7, 2022
Recommend? Yes!
I loved this book and it greatly inspired me. I have read some Matthew Kelly books before and enjoy his general, positive attitude on life. However, this one really allowed me to grow more respect for him as he talked about the admiration he had for his own family and seven brothers. He admits that he isn't a husband or a father so people may read this and not value what he has to say; yet, I think those watching along the sidelines can add value to any game or situation. The best players don't always make the best coaches and that motto stands true here. Matthew Kelly explores how to parent in modern times (this was published in 2008, and amazingly, some things have changed very much since then but most of his ideas still apply). He coaches parent in teaching their children the value of time, routine, money management, and health.
A few paraphrased take-a-ways that I will hold onto in my heart:
1. Marriage and children are one of the best opportunities for growing in virtue. Every member of the family allows us to become the best versions of ourselves. Will that choice I (or insert name here) help me become the best version of myself? This is a dynamic and awesome question for any individual, family, company, or organization.
2. To be loved is no simple thing.
3. More children will spend time watching TV than talking to their fathers by the time they are six years old.
4. The questions we ask shape us and are just as important as the answers. We often ask children what they want to be when they grow up but where does this lead them? Rather we could ask them questions about their character and how they want to impact the world. Who someone is is far more important than what they do for a living.
5. We need to watch our words around our children regarding their dreams and how we talk about body image. We should allow children to form their own dreams instead of chasing ours for them.
I didn't give it five stars because I felt that it wasn't necessarily a "practical guide" but instead a motivational talk with some thought-provoking messages along the way. At times, his advice applied to individuals and not even families, too. Still, it was all very good.
I loved this book and it greatly inspired me. I have read some Matthew Kelly books before and enjoy his general, positive attitude on life. However, this one really allowed me to grow more respect for him as he talked about the admiration he had for his own family and seven brothers. He admits that he isn't a husband or a father so people may read this and not value what he has to say; yet, I think those watching along the sidelines can add value to any game or situation. The best players don't always make the best coaches and that motto stands true here. Matthew Kelly explores how to parent in modern times (this was published in 2008, and amazingly, some things have changed very much since then but most of his ideas still apply). He coaches parent in teaching their children the value of time, routine, money management, and health.
A few paraphrased take-a-ways that I will hold onto in my heart:
1. Marriage and children are one of the best opportunities for growing in virtue. Every member of the family allows us to become the best versions of ourselves. Will that choice I (or insert name here) help me become the best version of myself? This is a dynamic and awesome question for any individual, family, company, or organization.
2. To be loved is no simple thing.
3. More children will spend time watching TV than talking to their fathers by the time they are six years old.
4. The questions we ask shape us and are just as important as the answers. We often ask children what they want to be when they grow up but where does this lead them? Rather we could ask them questions about their character and how they want to impact the world. Who someone is is far more important than what they do for a living.
5. We need to watch our words around our children regarding their dreams and how we talk about body image. We should allow children to form their own dreams instead of chasing ours for them.
I didn't give it five stars because I felt that it wasn't necessarily a "practical guide" but instead a motivational talk with some thought-provoking messages along the way. At times, his advice applied to individuals and not even families, too. Still, it was all very good.
February 2, 2021
This had a good mix of common sense, things I’ve learned working as a teacher and with kids at my church, and of new information as well. He stresses at the beginning that he does not have children at the time of publication, but that we can all still know and understand the basics when it comes to raising good people. It then stated in the about the author section he has three children so for those that would criticize his ability to give parenting advice, he himself has since become a parent. Extra kudos if he’s finding that he’s actually doing a lot of what he discussed in the book with his own children. 👍🏼
November 2, 2021
Although I’ve heard Matthew Kelly speak live, I haven’t read a single one of his books in it’s entirety. I listened to this book and the concise delivery and practicality of the subject matter made me listen to it another time. Although repetitious in some parts which has always been his message-building and helping our kids to be the best version of themselves, we can’t be reminded nearly enough. Simple writing, simple message, it’s a book at every parent any stage of raising kids should read over and over again.
December 24, 2019
Not just a great parenting book, I thought it was a great leadership book as well. Matthew Kelly does a great job of distilling a broad, important topic into a few key bite-sized chunks that motivate you to jump right in. Strongly recommend this book for anyone with kids, particularly young ones, but even just for folks who are leaders at work (or aim to become a leader eventually), especially chapter 3.
February 5, 2018
Matthew Kelly pulls from his history and observations to give parenting advice for how to raise strong children. He write in a clear, easy to read way that is accessible to anyone. The advice he gives is varied and can be applied by almost any parent.
March 4, 2018
Gave this as a gift to my husband but ended up reading it before him. Amazing perspective and advice on how to talk to your kids and what to say especially in hard conversations in every part of parenting.
August 26, 2021
Good, practical advice for raising children in a faith-filled, value-oriented way. As Matthew calls out, it can be hard to hear advice from someone who isn't already a husband / father, but still good points based on his personal life and talking to numerous families.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 49 reviews