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Crush

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When a husband asks his reluctant wife to consider what might be missing from their marriage, what follows surprises them both—sex, heartbreak and heart rekindling, and a rediscovered sense of all that is possible

She’s happy and settled and productive and content in her full life—a child, a career, an admirable marriage, deep friendships, happy parents, and a spouse she still loves. But when her husband urges her to address what the narrow labels of “husband” and “wife” force them to edit out of their lives, the very best kind of hell breaks loose. 

Using the author’s personal experiences as a jumping-off point, Crush is about the danger and liberation of chasing desire, the havoc it can wreak, and most of all the clear sense of self one finds when the storm passes. Destined to become a classic novel of marriage, and tackling the big questions being asked about partnership in postpandemic relationships, Crush is a sharp, funny, seductive, and revelatory novel about holding on to everything it’s possible to love—friends, children, parents, passion, lovers, husbands, all of the world’s good books, and most of all one’s own deep sense of purpose.

288 pages, Hardcover

First published February 25, 2025

355 people are currently reading
16233 people want to read

About the author

Ada Calhoun

15 books431 followers
Ada Calhoun is the author of the novel Crush. Her memoir Also a Poet was named one of the best books of 2022 by the New York Times, NPR, and The Washington Post. Prior books include New York Times–bestseller Why We Can't Sleep, Wedding Toasts I'll Never Give, and St. Marks Is Dead.

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5 stars
304 (9%)
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646 (20%)
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1,126 (35%)
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328 (10%)
Displaying 1 - 30 of 556 reviews
Profile Image for emma.
2,571 reviews92.5k followers
October 28, 2025
this may sound juicy, but don't be fooled.

for starters, you would not believe how many quotations there are in this book. it’s giving when you would finish an essay but be wildly short of word count and just perform in text citations like a madman till you got there.

this unfortunately also means that most of the very interesting ideas here are other people’s. 

this is like reading a book-length version of one of those essays in The Cut where the whole time you’re just thinking “how did the editor convince a human being to publish this.” except it's fictional (or is it?) so in that way it's guilt free.

there's something about it that feels alarmingly self-insert, like writing justin bieber fan fiction in which he falls in love with a girl with your hair color who goes to your school.

bottom line: i had a hard time putting this book down, but i also had a hard time enjoying it.

(thanks to the publisher for the e-arc)
Profile Image for Jessica Woodbury.
1,929 reviews3,146 followers
November 24, 2024
I do not like to give 1 star reviews, especially pre-publication. But I have given it a lot of thought and I found pretty much nothing worthwhile about this book.

It has 3 main strikes against it. First and easiest, it's yet another annoying novel about polyamory. Before you start to protest I want to note that I am actually nonmonogamous, I am not saying it as a value judgment on the system. But most of the novels, memoirs, articles, documentaries, etc about it are bad. Many of them have the same strikes against them as this one: they're not actually about polyamory. The central event is opening up a marriage and both spouses insist they are super enlightened and can do this while they are actually miserable and do not want to.

Our female protagonist is perhaps the most annoying of the many annoying characters to attempt nonmonogamy in this genre. She reminds me of one of those people who writes letters to advice columns saying "My boyfriend is perfect and our relationship has no problems except this one thing" and the one thing is so horrible that you are positive the relationship is not actually good and neither is the boyfriend. Here, she would say that her marriage is perfect and her husband is wonderful except for how he does absolutely nothing to contribute to their household financially and is completely committed to staying that way, and how he doesn't help with the housework or parenting, and how he doesn't challenge her intellectually, and how he wants to open up their relationship. So much time she tells us how great he is and how much she loves him and it is very much some lady doth protest too much stuff.

The thing is, I would have been fine with this IF we were able to get some character growth and development. If our protagonist could go through some realizations to understand that actually she is very unhappy I would have been game. But she does not. She also thinks she is the only person who has ever truly loved, that she is not like everyone else who has affairs, etc etc. These are familiar feelings and I understand them, but we do not get to see her grow past this immaturity into something richer. It all falls very flat and she managed to annoy me even more as it went on.

The second major problem is that this is not a novel. Like yes technically I suppose it is but a novel is a story told through scenes and narration. This book has hardly any scenes, the one it does have have a handful of lines of dialogue at most. It also has very little narration of events. Instead we spend almost all of our time inside our protagonist's head while she thinks about love.

I hate writing scenes, but since I've had to work on it so much I am now laser fixed on when I see it happen elsewhere. And it is quite rare! I have never seen it in a novel before! Novels sometimes have too many scenes or the scenes don't have the right mix of dialogue to narration. But this was something else entirely.

There is no work to build up these characters. To help us understand them or relate to them. At the very end of the book, the protagonist's father is very ill and she's very upset about it but we as readers barely know this man and know little about their relationship and it's hard to get any emotional depth to it. And the central romance of the book is with a man who we know nothing about except that he likes to quote things (ughhh, I will admit the two of them are made for each other in this sense with all the quoting) and write long emails and apparently is also very handsome and good at sex. Why is she in love with him? What is so interesting about him? Why is she so convinced that this is a love for the ages, that her experience approaches the mystical, when all we know is that he sent her lots of long emails quoting Abelard. It becomes quite strange how this man is always there, always ready to do exactly what she wants, always patient when she doesn't want to do things, completely uninterested in anything or anyone else except her. Sometimes I say that a novel needed a better edit but this doesn't even feel like a novel.

And the third problem is that Calhoun absolutely will not stop quoting stuff. This is a novel, remember, you don't really need quotes or referrals or citations. Maybe you can throw in a good one as the epigraph at the beginning or maybe you can go wild and do an epigraph at the beginning of each part or chapter. But Calhoun uses them constantly. Our protagonist was thinking about X which makes her think of that quote by Petrarch and also this one interview Frances McDormand once gave. (Neither of these examples are made up, btw.) There are quotes from books, from song lyrics, from random celebrity interviews. My theory is that Calhoun, who normally writes nonfiction, had a bunch of quotes about love laying around and wanted to use them.

But this is not how novels work. Have our protagonist tell us how she feels! Do not just give us all these reference points! Quotes are not emotions! Saying it felt like that song lyric may work once or twice, but it should not happen once or twice a page. (This is also not an exaggeration.)

I was very annoyed by all these things and I fully admit that by 10% of the way into this book I had transitioned into hate reading. But I wanted to see where she was going to take this. What was the point of all this ridiculousness? What was the story she had to tell? (A story which, apparently, is at least partially autobiographical, which I guess is a choice you can make when your protagonist is the worst.) In the end, it was a very boring story. I didn't feel like I learned anything about love or saw a new kind of character. It wasn't a pleasant diversion. There is no there there.

Yeah, one star feels about right.
Profile Image for Candi.
709 reviews5,519 followers
March 23, 2025
“Adults deal in moral ambiguity. Never hurting people or getting hurt is impossible if you’re living an honest life.”

This is a challenging book to review. Not because it was difficult to read. Mainly because my enjoyment of it had more to do with how I approached it than anything else. If I look at it from the standpoint of a novel (which it is), I’d expect some excellent character development and a compelling story arc. Personally, I couldn’t claim this to excel on those merits alone. Instead, I approached this as what I like to call an “ideas” book, much like I did Rachel Cusk’s Outline. Don’t get me wrong, however. I’m not comparing Cusk with Ada Calhoun. Come to think of it, Miranda July’s book All Fours comes to mind as well. July and Calhoun are both dealing with middle-aged, married women that balance thriving careers with motherhood. The marriages are pretty successful, at least as far as these women can tell when compared to how they view other marriages. Both novels examine what happens when these women explore their needs and desires. July’s book did it better, but this one was pretty damn interesting to me as well. The narrator’s friend best encapsulates the question at the heart of this novel:

“You have to ask: If this was my last year alive, how would I want to spend it? If I had thirty years? If you’re saying ‘Things are good enough – why should I blow them up?’ The answer is because ‘good enough’ should not be the goal,” she said. “We didn’t work this hard” – by “we” I sensed she meant women – “to be fine.”

This is a first-person narrative and the voice of the protagonist kept me well engaged. You might find this a bit pretentious, as she throws around quotes from other writers and philosophers like your local Rotary Club throws candy at parade-goers. They just keep coming. Yet, I found myself highlighting the hell out of this. Marilynn Robinson, Michel de Montaigne, Graham Greene, Rabindranath Tagore, and Ortega y Gasset were a just a few of those I flagged in my copy (Robinson and Greene being the only ones I’ve personally read). Sometimes, while being clever, she also made me smile a bit.

“I wanted to send word to my generational cohort: Don’t we make our own cages? When we rattle the bars don’t we often find that they are made of cardboard? That we’ve cut them out for ourselves with X-ACTO knives? Look! We are free! We have nothing to lose but our PTA membership!”

What happens when you find that deep connection? What do you do about a marriage that is plodding along ‘just fine’? Our narrator tries to answer those questions. What she concludes, well, you’d have to read this to find out. In the meantime, I’m super curious about Calhoun’s non-fiction work.

“So what does a true happy ending look like? I think it’s always a surprise.”
Profile Image for Teres.
224 reviews658 followers
May 6, 2025

A novel that reads like a memoir (oh, and happens to be based on the author's own experience).

Calhoun's had a long and successful run as a ghost writer to the stars. My assessment: don't quit your day job, Ada.
Profile Image for Ron Charles.
1,166 reviews50.9k followers
February 11, 2025
Early in Ada Calhoun’s debut novel, “Crush,” the narrator asks, “Why were so many tales about women’s sexuality so depressing?”

Even if you can’t still taste the arsenic on Madame Bovary’s lips, you know she’s right.

Women may — for the moment — be allowed to vote, own property and wear pants, but how they pursue and experience erotic pleasure remains more closely supervised than the purification of uranium. Of course, they’re free to step outside the confines of monogamy whenever they want, so long as they keep walking toward the waves.

In several nonfiction books, including “Wedding Toasts I’ll Never Give” and “Why We Can’t Sleep,” Calhoun has been a reliable source of wit and insight on the way women respond to intimate and economic pressures. Now, her first work of fiction is not so much a revolution as a turn of that screw. “Crush” is the story of a middle-aged woman — vaguely Calhoun-shaped — who struggles to balance the demands of career, marriage and motherhood with the disruptive desire for passion.

A more cavalier critic might declare this a genuine trend: “Crush” makes a chummy companion to Miranda July’s “All Fours,” which was a finalist for a National Book Award last fall. Both novels feel tantalizingly autobiographical and subordinate storytelling to a wry critique of the sexual confines of marriage. What’s more, both novelists have developed voices that borrow from the confessional techniques of performers like Tig Notaro and Hannah Gadsby. Calhoun’s book, despite its enthusiasm for literary quotations, feels distinctly verbal — like an audiobook on paper.

The narrator of “Crush” introduces herself by assuring us that she learned her lesson early when she was called “a slut” in middle school. “The social retribution for having succumbed to lust,” she says, “taught me one of the highest-stakes lessons of womanhood: Desire must be....

To read the rest of this review, go to The Washington Post:
https://www.washingtonpost.com/books/...
Profile Image for Jillian B.
566 reviews237 followers
February 26, 2025
Our narrator has followed the rules her whole life. She’s been a good mother, excelled in her work, and done more than her fair share of the household chores. So when her husband offers her the opportunity to cut loose a little bit, she jumps at the chance. The agreement is that she is allowed to kiss other men. What she doesn’t bank on is falling in love. Now she must balance her peaceful domestic life with her husband and her all-consuming passion for her new beau. And she realizes she may have to make a life-changing choice.

This novel definitely read like a memoir. The main character has a strong narrative voice, and we spend much of the book inside her head. There’s not a lot of interiority from other characters and not much in the way of action…but I loved it! The storytelling choices here totally worked for me and I was completely pulled in. This book felt like a trusted friend telling you her secrets after a few drinks. It won’t be for everyone, but I’m a big fan. I would definitely recommend this one to readers who loved Miranda July’s All Fours.
Profile Image for Belle.
687 reviews85 followers
March 2, 2025
Oh how I hate this book!

She glamorizes an affair and blames it all on her husband.

Selfish, selfish, selfish.

She really starts this story in another book, Wedding Toasts I’ll Never Give which is non-fiction. I read and reviewed it and I see how this has all gone now with this book.

She talked a lot about non-monogamous in that first book and now she develops it to its fullest in this book. In that review I understood how non-monogamous made sense to her. Now I see an incredibly selfish woman defending her choices.

IRL, I come down on neither side of staying married or getting divorced. That’s for each couple to decide. Affairs happen. I’m not naive. Glamorizing your affair in print? Yucky, yucky, yucky.

Also, Ada, by slapping fiction on this story of your life and changing names, you don’t fool me for a second. You wrote this as non-fiction using all sorts of quoted references but somewhere between finishing and publication it became fiction.

Last, this book is as much about the last days and death of her father as it is about her marriage. She didn’t like her relationship with her father either.

And with this, I quit this very personal genre of “here’s my marriage for you to gaze at”. The marriage books are trending hard. They are no longer for me. I don’t want to look in anymore bedrooms. I just want to go forth in peace. ✌🏼

Profile Image for Angie Miale.
1,106 reviews147 followers
November 24, 2024
I had to look at the front cover a few times while reading this to remind myself that it is a novel and not a memoir. It really, really reads like a memoir. So much so that I wonder if it is coded as such in order to protect her family.

This is a book about infidelity vs polyamory, can external partners be used as a way for a couple to grow closer, boundaries, guilt, and falling in love.

Written in first person, the narrator’s husband suggests a slightly open marriage to include kissing. She connects with another man, David, and has what many would call an “emotional affair.” It is messy and hard to read at times, and the main characters come across as pretty selfish and unreasonable. It brings up questions of divorce and what makes a good marriage.

I don’t know much about polyamory, and it is very easy for my to be very judgmental about it. But I think that reading fiction makes us more empathetic, it forces us to see a situation from someone else’s eyes. While this book is well written and interesting at times, it’s hard to root for anyone. It’s none of my business if people want to have a different marriage than I do, that doesn’t threaten me. But the ending, to me, seemed like a persuasive essay in which the reader is trying to be talked into the dissolution of someone’s marriage.

This book breaks the 4th wall, somewhat. Why do we feel the need to create a good guy/bad guy narrative in other people’s marriages? This felt like pulling back the curtain and hearing someone’s 288 page explanation of their marriage. I understand the desire to do this, especially since so many people in our lives feel the need to editorialize.

I was reading with my hand over my eyes and peeking through my fingers.

Maybe go live your life and don’t explain it all to everyone. Maybe be okay with being the villain in someone else’s story.

Thanks to @netgalley and the publisher for an e-ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review

#booksbooksbooks #booktok #bookstagram #arcreader #bookreview #bookrecommendations #crush

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Profile Image for Rachel.
146 reviews35 followers
November 15, 2024
While I enjoyed this book and found it to be well-written, it was quite pretentious and I'm not sure who this book is for, exactly. Maybe someone who studies the classics but wants a breezy-ish romantic read? Calhoun references Petrarch, hooks, Hildegard of Bingen, St. Teresa of Avila, Auden, Whitman, Marilynne Robinson, Jules Renard, and Stendahl but also Grey's Anatomy, Weird Science, Parks and Recreation, and Clueless. The book is overflowing with allusions that tend to overwhelm the narrative.

Calhoun's portrait of a woman who finds and falls in love with her intellectual equal, with whom she's addicted to talking and sharing every thought, was effective and well done. I just felt that she skipped over some important parts of the plot in service of showing off her considerable intellect (She never mentions David's relationship status--is he single? Divorced? I guess we just assume he's available. And after all that fretting over how Nate, her son, would take her divorce, there is no mention of how he reacts).
Profile Image for Gail.
1,300 reviews455 followers
March 11, 2025
How ironic to come across these lines roughly 50 pages into this buzzy new novel:

"It can be hard to separate how we feel about people from how we feel about what they make. That's why Veronica said she'd been burned one too many times by blurbs heralding books as unputdownable when she'd found them to be, in fact, quite putdownable."

The irony here being that I'd checked this book out from the library on the strength of the names associated with blurbs on its back cover—names that included authors whose work I love (Emma Straub, Claire Dederer, Isaac Fitzgerald) and, therefore, thought I could trust.

Wow was I wrong, as this is my first DNF of 2025. Quite putdownable, indeed!
Profile Image for siena.
70 reviews6 followers
April 15, 2025
Jesus this was insufferable. my newfound plan to be less judgmental and read books without first vetting reviews is NOT working out for me
Profile Image for aubrey.
511 reviews
May 30, 2025
this book had the vibe of someone really trying to hit a word count goal for an essay. should've been a memoir instead of bad autofiction
Profile Image for Ariel.
1,917 reviews41 followers
October 9, 2024
So beautifully, humorously, thoughtfully written. I had been longing for a book I couldn’t stop reading and failing to find it. Now it’s over. The small tragedy of being a book lover.
The main character has always been a flirt and her husband doesn't like to kiss. So he pushes her to consider kissing other men and opening up their marriage--but only so far. She winds up in a white-hot, bone-deep affair of the heart and mind--but can she consummate it? Can she not consummate it? Can the marriage survive? Should it, indeed, survive? What does the husband really want? And does it matter?
Profile Image for Katie Henry.
151 reviews
May 8, 2025
With all due respect, I hated this book. I should’ve DNF’d it but it was only 269 pages so I figured I could push through.

This book could’ve been 175 if we took out all the quotations from other works of art. Were we trying that desperately to hit a word count? It was way too much.

The main character was incredibly easy to hate. If victim mentality were a person it would’ve been her.

So many issues to be had with this book.
Profile Image for Jenn.
1,125 reviews12 followers
October 27, 2024
The narrator of this is way too annoying, even if the premise of the book is interesting. I could barely make myself finish it.
Profile Image for Kieran.
205 reviews2 followers
April 6, 2025
Everything about this book annoyed me. It’s the story of a marriage whose husband wants polyamory and whose wife does not. Every third paragraph includes an esoteric literary quote and 100 words of self-important pseudo-philosophical rumination.

I kept having to double check in the first 20% of the book that it was fiction. I kept thinking, this is such a tedious memoir. In any case, I believe this started as a non-fiction memoir. Too many tells in the writing. I wish she had embraced that, because I think this could have been edited to be much better in that genre.

It’s too technically well-written for me to give it one star, so I’m giving it two. But I hated the plot, the characters, and the attempts at deep observations that felt very superficial.
Profile Image for Kat(ja).
414 reviews86 followers
December 16, 2024
Where to start? I think I was expecting something different going into this book and that ultimately hindered my enjoyment a little bit.
Seen as Crush is marketed as a novel, I wasn't quite prepared for the format and writing style very much mirroring that of a memoir. While Calhoun's writing is fun to follow along, I struggled to really connect with any of the characters. The story was laced with so many quotes and references that it felt more like an amalgamation of what others thought of love, loss and grief rather than the author's original thoughts, which is odd considering this book is very much (loosely) inspired by her own life.
Still, I could see this book being a sort of catharsis for the author. I, personally, enjoyed the parts about her difficult relationship with her father the most. However, I don't think it dealt with non-monogamy in as deep a way as it could have.

Thank you to the publisher for providing me with an advance copy of the book in exchange for an honest review!
Profile Image for Emma.
293 reviews1 follower
June 14, 2025
ohhhh brother. i’m glad i saw some reviews talking about the insanely high number of quotes in this (genuinely is like over 25%) but that somehow was not the worst part of the novel (and that is super egregious). everyone fucking sucked, and not in a fun love to hate way, in a boring why are you wasting my time way. if this is truly autofiction, i would want to spend no time at all with the author. the whole premise is dumb, all of the conflict was dumb, and the story was dumb and boring. enjoy your polyamory or whatever, but either be in or out, shit or get off the fucking pot. also the husband was a TOTAL loser, i would have left his ass day 1. wym you’ve been together 30 years & this bum can’t pull his fucking weight financially (which he is completely capable of), had an affair & lied about it, and pushed your relationship into territory you weren’t comfortable with???? jesus fucking christ, get a grip lady
Profile Image for Sam Cheng.
317 reviews57 followers
February 26, 2025
In Crush, Calhoun explores the idea of polyamory through unraveling a heterosexual monogamous marriage. The unnamed wife narrates the novel, throughout which she learns to pay attention to what she cares about rather than going along with societal expectations for morally good wives and mothers. Paul, the husband, convinces her to shift the boundaries of their union because it seems “like a strategy for a lasting marriage and for a richer life than past generations of women were able to have.” The couple searches for “a new and better kind of fidelity—a fidelity to each other and to [themselves.]” In this strategic change of commitment, the wife finds herself in love with David.

The wife and David are Heloise and Abelard 2.0. They start as close friends on a holiday, so to speak, without transgressing into real-life territory. Their dance around the boundary by means of their epistolary romance doesn’t last because the wife and Paul continually redraw the liminal lines to adjust to their ever-transforming preferences and feelings. Throughout the book, the wife asks whether “expansion without contraction sustainable.” Her and Paul’s therapist, who specializes in polyamorous relationships, responds, not how you’re doing it: “In an open marriage, a couple explores romantic or sexual relationships with other people as a way to enhance their own lives and their connection with each other.… They have to negotiate boundaries and jealousy, and it’s not for everyone. But it can work when there is commitment and communication.” Ultimately, it doesn’t work for them.

In general, I like the idea of characters figuring out what’s meaningful, questioning what’s good, and learning to vocalize their needs. However, I didn’t enjoy the book’s over-sexualization of female and male relationships. I want to learn more about the theory behind consensual polyamory in future pop-level reading. Crush might not add to my small sample of stories about non-monogamous marriage because the wife ends up leaving Paul (a tawdry man to begin with) for David, and it sounds like this new amorous relationship is monogamous.
Profile Image for Marit Rae.
81 reviews17 followers
Read
May 23, 2025
I need to bow out. It is incredible that the characters talk so much about themselves and how groundbreaking the whole non-monogamy thing is, but I feel as if they are flat and without any spark of life. I adore a deeply human character and am always interested in the topics mentioned, but the writing was sterile and tight. I don't know if this is due to me being someone who, quite frankly, can't stand a floundering elitist intellectual who just likes to chat ceaselessly about "good literature" and exclusively reads vetted classics or if the storytelling is just, quite simply, bad.

Most importantly, why is her pen pal Tom Hanks? For the love of God, why? And why is he mentioned all of the time?
Profile Image for Shantha (ShanthasBookEra).
461 reviews75 followers
May 9, 2025
DNF. A book that was supposed to be about marriage and is about polyamory which isn't for me. I'm not going to judge others for it if both parties are in favor of it. Second, it reads like a memoir but says it's a novel, but the story is told in the first person. I didn't hate it, but time ran out on Spotify premium, and I'm not interested enough to finish it.
Profile Image for Randi Himes.
188 reviews31 followers
December 14, 2024
This book was interesting. I wasn’t exactly sure where it was going to go, but we got there. It’s a nice story of learning to stick up for yourself and do what makes you happy in life. Pretty good.
Profile Image for Katrina (Catching up on Reviews).
668 reviews21 followers
March 29, 2025
I did not enjoy this book at all. I felt there was no real accountability from the wife and the damage that was caused by the affair and open marriage.
Profile Image for Kaleigh.
265 reviews123 followers
May 6, 2025
Even the low average rating and all of the bad things I've heard about this book couldn't prepare me for how actually annoying the experience of reading it is.
Profile Image for Denise Ruttan.
452 reviews48 followers
January 2, 2025
This book won't be for everyone and at first I wasn't sure it was for me. I am challenging myself to read more women's fiction this year and I was drawn to this premise because I am going through a similar situation that I am struggling with in my personal life and I saw a lot of my issues in those of the unnamed narrator's.

What I didn't like: I'm an English/Creative Writing major so I thought I would be charmed by the constant quotations and philosophizing as the narrator navigates a newly open marriage. But there were so many quotations, each short chapter felt just littered with them; I found my eyes glazing over with so many. This author is clearly a well-read polymath and was showing that off to a pretentious degree.

It is also clearly autofiction, which is not my favorite style, and at first the story felt choppy, told in short personal essays instead of a cohesive, traditional narrative arc; a lot more telling referenced with quotations instead of showing and immersing us in the day to day of her life. It felt like reading her personal diary.

The narrator and many of the characters in this book are unlikable, but this is a modern love story and a story about feminism and a middle-aged woman coming of age in a new chapter in her life in a way that I found very relatable.

The story opens with the narrator talking about her history with crushes. Early on she learned she loved kissing men. Then she learned that kissing multiple men too quickly would get her labeled a slut, which made her uncomfortable. So she learned to navigate her love of kissing by having one monogamous relationship and a stable of crushes. She'd never act on these feelings but became an expert in the fun cat and mouse game of flirtation, which satisfied her need for awhile.

Then she marries Paul and has a kid with him. An artist whom she resentfully supports with her earnings as a ghostwriter, she is attracted to him not because he feels emasculated by her crushes but because he finds her flirting thrilling and erotic. The sex between them is good and the narrator values a stable family above all else, so she foregoes her needs, such as kissing.

Paul proposes an open marriage, in which the narrator can kiss anyone she likes, and in return Paul can experiment with online dating. But the boundaries and expectations keep shifting, leading to miscommunication and jealousy.

Wondering who she can kiss next, the narrator reconnects with an old college crush, who is now a very sexy but nerdy college professor, and the two engage in a long-distance correspondence over a shared love of books and letters. Soon the narrator finds herself in a dilemma: She has fallen in love with another man, and it is a deep, lifetime, spirtual sort of soulmate connection. And suddenly everything she had with Paul that was good before becomes suffocating and stale and she has to choose the kind of life she wants for herself, while struggling with her complicated relationship with her dying writer father. It soon becomes apparent that she's sought emotional validation from everyone in her life except herself.

Advocates of polyamory and people who hate cheating will each dislike this novel, because what this couple practices is not polyamory at all or even ethical nonmonogamy. They aren't honest with each other about their expectations and boundaries, and aren't fair to themselves or their lovers. A couple like this is the worst fear of a poly purist who is dating for genuine connection. My poly friends aren't like this couple. And the nonstop quotations just felt like the narrator trying to justify an extramarital affair and became tedious. I found myself frequently rolling my eyes at how incredibly sappy they got - sometimes I wanted to shake them to take responsibility for their affair.

I also wanted to shake Paul sometimes - how could he know his wife so little that he thought she could keep it at just kissing? I often wondered what he was getting out of the marriage other than financial dependence.

But it happens, married people fall in love with other people, and I liked their love story. Telling you who she picks would be a complete spoiler.

However, the way the overall narrative arc coalesced was beautiful and touching to me, and I found this novel had a lot of meaningful things to say about love, relationships, what women want and if they really can have it all, and nontraditional families.

Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for the advance review copy. I am leaving this review voluntarily.
Profile Image for Gabo deOz.
365 reviews10 followers
April 26, 2025
Cuando te entregas a ciegas a cualquier libro sucede que a veces encuentras historias como la de 'Crush', basadas en el poliamor. Un tema tan poco relevante en mi propia vida que me genera curiosidad, es la obra debut de Ada Calhoun el personaje principal una esposa y madre de mediana edad a quien su esposo incita para poder tener relaciones sexuales con los hombres que ella guste.

Aunque sentí una curiosidad inicial, poco a poco me di cuenta que no era el estilo de historias que me gustan. Por un lado se da este elemento de buscar un culpable de cada situación, una mirada hacia lo ético y moral. que en mi opinión parece ser una sociedad patriarcal del siglo pasado. Por otro lado me molesta el estilo de narración, aunque de fácil lectura se entorpece con la gran cantidad de menciones a autores y citas para intentar dar relevancia a las ideas, el problema es que a veces parece que se coloca una cita y de allí surgen las ideas, cuando debería ser al revés.



Se cuestionan temas como el divorcio y cómo puede afectar a los hijos, lo deprimente que puede ser la vida sexual de las mujeres, las propias madres o abuelas que han sufrido en silencio pero que ahora sus consejos van más acordes a una vida no vivida. Los cuestionamientos morales entorno a las decisiones sexuales de las mujeres. Poliamor, infidelidad, el amor verdadero, etc.

Realmente no hay descripciones eróticas, todo se centra en el "Concepto del poliamor" y como este a veces es inducido por el hombre. Se conocen un poco los límites que las propias parejas establecen dentro de este concepto. Poco a poco se deduce la trama de una forma muy predecible.

"Crush" es la historia de una mujer de mediana edad que quiere equilibrar su vida profesional, su intimidad, la pasión y además quiere lo mejor para su hijo. Algo bueno del estilo de narración es que se siente muy humano, a un nivel tan personal que dudas si no es autobiográfico, es perfecto para un audiolibro. Y las citas, aunque sea un recurso que no me ha gustado denotan el amor por la lectura de la propia Calhoun.

La historia inicia con nuestra protagonista y sus múltiples relaciones cuando estaba en la secundaria. Poco a poco se da cuenta como la propia sociedad la etiqueta con palabras como: "zorra". Un castigo otorgado sólo al género femenino.

Luego empieza a describir cómo puede llevar su matrimonio y cuidar a su hijo mientras se aventura sexualmente con otros hombres. No hay infidelidad porqué hay un mutuo acuerdo entre las dos partes, aunque hay reglas establecidas como no acurrucarse y dormir con esa persona.

Una búsqueda por un matrimonio socialmente perfecto, mientras ocurre todo lo contrario por debajo de la mesa. Su esposo Paul es quien al inicio del libro sugiere tener esa libertad a nivel sexual. Al inicio la propia narradora duda de la propuesta, pero al final se aventura en ella. Para describirlo lo hace con una analogía de poder desviarse por una misma avenida hacia otras calles con la condición de sólo hacerlo temporalmente en esas calles secundarias, volviendo al mismo destino al final del día.

No creo que sea justo comentar el desenlace de la historia porqué sería un spoiler. Pero lo que si puedo decir es que terminé exhausto. No es mi tipo de lectura y me aturden tantas referencias cuando la mayor parte del tiempo hay más valor en la cita que en la propia historia. Un 2 de 5.
642 reviews25 followers
November 25, 2024
Thanks to Netgalley and Viking for the ebook. Our lead character leads an admirable life, married, great son, lots of work. She’s even close to her parents, including a sometimes troublesome father. Then one day her husband encourages her to seek a relationship out of their marriage. She winds up kissing a few people she meets and it seems to spice up her marriage. Then she starts a long distance emotional affair and nothing seems like it could ever go back to the way it was. Emotional and funny throughout. This is a lovely book.
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245 reviews
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December 14, 2024
The Friend by Sigrid Nunez x All Fours by Miranda July

Loving all the new additions to the “woman who seemingly has it all is pushed over the edge!” canon.
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