Both Sides of Then: Finding Love After Abandonment

by Jennifer Griffith

When a young girl discovers her parent’s painful life secrets her sense of self unravels, eliciting a long path to healing, acceptance, and love.

Jennifer is thirteen and living a quiet teenage existence when her parents reveal their innermost secrets; her mother has found the child she relinquished as a baby, and her father no longer wants to be part of the family. As Jennifer’s young life unravels, she begins to self-destruct.

Anna, Jennifer’s mother, is deeply affected by losing her parents at a young age and by her subsequent strict upbringing in a Baptist orphanage. Thrust into a changing world ill-prepared, she finds herself pregnant and unwed during a time when society shunned these young mothers.

Both Sides of Then is the story of a mother and daughter’s search for agency. Jennifer shares her difficult path to self-acceptance while piecing together her mother's young life using vignettes shared throughout her childhood. By writing from her mother’s perspective, would Jennifer eventually understand her mother? Would she see her own life more clearly.

A coming-of-age book and in-depth exploration of family frailty and resilience, Both Sides of Then is a daring take on the power of the female voice, even after it’s been silenced.

272 pages, Paperback

Published November 5, 2024

Reviews

[Adrienne · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was very immersed in this story. As a Bay Area 30 something in tech Sales, I felt very connected to Jenn’s point of view. The cadence of the book is really well done and the way she speaks about what it is to be a woman growing up across multiple generations, the generational impact feelings of abandonment can have on us and the unique mother daughter dynamics. This book is about freedom, and the ways we and others can get in the way of our intrinsic knowing of ourselves. It’s so easy for women to stand in the way of our own potential. “To truly break free, I needed to summon the strength to do for myself
what my parents hadn't done for themselves.
Hurt sticks you in a moment of time, a place of pain that fossilizes your being until there is a moment when you take a hammer to the hard shell around your heart and break it.” Perfection. Loved this gem of a book and will be gifting it. Thank you to Jenn for writing it.

[Sarah Obermeyer · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was so incredibly well written and broke my heart and had me gasping wondering what was next. Lots of stories and history of one family and the way that the author captures her mother’s experience was beautiful. Loved how her story and her mothers were woven together. My mom is reading next!!! Highly would recommend

[Kelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing this book in exchange for an honest review.
This is a wonderful book. It's very well written and it's easy to become immersed in the story. Alternating timelines was perfect for the telling of Jennifer's mom's story and Jennifer's own story.

[Melissa Griffiths · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing. Buy a copy for you AND your mom.

[Wendy Chamberlin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fascinating and moving read that pulls on the roots of family story and how they impact our lives today. Couldn’t put it down.

[Rachelle Stanko · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read this book! The mother/daughter relationship is a complicated one and this book illustrates this beautifully.

[Jack Badavas · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gripping memoir that straddles two generations. Makes us all contemplate the riddle of decoding our own relationships with our children, parents, grandparents!

[Joan Carson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful book! I bought this book from the author at an amazing event in Laurel Canyon. So well written, full of heart wrenching emotion, honesty & love.

[Anne Mason · Rating 4 out of 5]

A bigenerational journey through family trauma, societal conditioning, sisterhood, motherhood, and marriage, crafted with empathy and heart — all in the pursuit of connection “on the complicated truths of living.”

Two lines with resonance:

“You could have done it. You almost did it. I’m giving you an A because you wanted to do it and put in the effort. It just didn’t work this time. That’s art.”

“Hurt sticks you in a moment of time, a place of pain that fossilizes your being until there is a moment when you take a hammer to the hard shell around your heart and break it.”

[Arishma Maharaj · Rating 5 out of 5]

The intertwined stories of Jennifer and her mother were both heartbreaking and inspiring. Seeing how her mother’s difficult childhood shaped Jennifer’s own emotional world added such depth to the narrative. Jennifer’s honesty about her struggles and her journey toward healing felt raw and genuine. I loved how she explored the generational patterns that quietly influence who we become. It’s a touching reminder of resilience, compassion, and the power of breaking cycles. A truly powerful and unforgettable read

[Bernard Yamal Ziade · Rating 5 out of 5]

A truly touching story that resonates on so many levels! I especially loved reading this as I was becoming a mom and understanding my own mother further through the process.

[Stephanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

The parallel stories of Jennifer’s and her mom’s kept me hooked. What happened to her mom informed so much of how she was raised. Jennifer found her way to herself after many years of living in an emotional desert. She grew up in a household where emotions were not expressed. Her mom grew up in an orphanage after her own father couldn’t take care of her and her siblings.
Jennifer doesn’t shy away from being vulnerable. I felt for both of these women and cheered them on. A great read in looking at how the previous generation can impact our lives.

[Jennifer Hlavac · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautifully written, this memoir is authentic, raw, and deeply captivating—I couldn’t put it down. A talented storyteller, Jennifer brings you right into both her and her mother’s lives as they navigate their own parallel challenges. She bravely opens up about her innermost secrets in a way that feels both intimate and universally relatable. Through her vulnerability, she shows how sharing our hidden truths can free us from shame and create genuine connection. You know that feeling when you finish a book and it’s like losing a friend? Get ready.

[Susan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book and found both Jennifer's and her mother's stories to be so compelling and empowering. She writes with such empathy for both of her parents and shows that even decent people can get into toxic relationships, often through no fault of their own. Jennifer's ability to break the generational trauma of her family is inspirational and her story shows that it's never too late to reflect on our choices and how we want to live our lives.

[Julie Ming Foster · Rating 5 out of 5]

This heartfelt account of a mother and daughter’s intertwined lives is the kind of story that stays with you. The characters pull you in, and it’s hard to put the book down. It’s raw, real, and quietly powerful. Highly recommend!

[Christian · Rating 5 out of 5]

Both Sides of Then is book that makes you rethink your relationship with your mother or father or anyone that raised you. As humans we love to blame others for the way we were shaped into being who we are today, but never think about what the person went through and what type of secrets or suffering they could be hiding. The shifts between “then” and “now” keep pulling you deeper into the character’s world with every chapter. You don’t just read their journey; you feel it—every moment of reflection. The writing is vivid, warm, and self reflecting, the kind that makes you forget you’re reading and just lets you live in the story. If you crave books that make you reflect moments from your past that shaped the person you are today, then this is your book!

[Ray Ramillosa · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a powerful and beautifully written exploration of family, resilience, and the powerful insights that come with understanding one’s roots. Griffith masterfully shares and intertwines both her story and her mother’s story throughout the book. It offers a profound look into how generational experiences shape our identities and, ultimately, is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. This is a very compelling read that resonated deeply with me. I highly recommend it!

[Virginia G. Raphael]

This book is incredible. Beautifully written, I did not want it to end. I want another volume. This is a story that bares the souls of an entire family. Jennifer Griffith - a first novel, please keep writing. You have got this, I love you. Gingo.