After the Worst Has Happened: Tales from a Funeral Director on the Lighter Side of Death

by Richard Gosling

When Richard Gosling's young daughter faced emergency surgery, a colleague carelessly asked what would happen if she died. In that moment, Richard was forced to picture his own daughter's funeral, and the people who are there to help families after the worst has happened.

Aged 40, Richard left his job in the public service and started preparing coffins, driving hearses, assisting in the mortuary and bringing in the deceased from hospitals and nursing homes, slowly working his way up to become operations manager of a venerable Sydney funeral home.

After the Worst Has Happened lifts the curtain on a world we all try to avoid but must pass through. It shows the lighter side of death amid all its other facets, as Richard steers families through heartbreak, anger and grief while holding space for love and acceptance. Ultimately, it's about how extraordinarily beautiful it can be to spend a daily life surrounded by our final rite of passage.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Death

280 pages, Paperback

Published June 25, 2024

Reviews

[Rowan MacDonald · Rating 4 out of 5]

After the Worst Has Happened is part memoir, part behind-the-scenes of being a funeral director. Richard found his calling in the industry following his young daughter’s health battles, ultimately working his way up to being operations manager of a Sydney funeral home.

“No matter how we phrase it, how we dress it up, celebrate it or try to deny it, death is the closing of all our stories.”

This book managed to be hilarious, sad, and touching - often in the same chapter. There were tough sections, like those depicting stillborn babies, yet they were written with grace and sensitivity. There were memorable people too - such as Chris, and the likes of Odette, who managed to steal the show with her epic funeral. Richard makes the reader feel like they know these people, so that you’re almost grieving them by the end of their respective chapters.

Cats wanting to accompany owners, families disliking the deceased, knives being pulled, uncooked lamb shanks – it had a bit of everything and kept me engaged. The importance of books also featured, and how what we read can often provide insights into a person. I loved the wholesome moments, which nicely contrast the more tragic ones.

“A family advised us their relative had loved dogs more than people, so we ran a notice in the paper inviting the dogs of Bondi. We had bowls and dog treats and an open door to any passing pet to come in.”

Some readers might not enjoy the coarse language, and frequent mentions of alcohol, but it was the book’s life-affirming qualities that ultimately won out. It contains great advice, not just for those in the industry, but life itself.

“Nothing is as important as the person right in front of you or speaking to you on the phone. Everything else is noise. Focus on the person you are with, and everything else can and must wait.”

You can’t read this book and not contemplate your own mortality, how you would like to be remembered, what kind of funeral you might have one day. At the same time, it makes you appreciate the small moments that make up our lives – cherished memories with loved ones, fun stories with friends, cuddles with pets.

Some of the most worthwhile books are those that make you want to seize the day, live life to the fullest and spread kindness – all things which make me glad to have read this memoir.

“Today is another chance to say thank you. To say I love you. To say I’m sorry. To say whatever needs to be said while we still have time to say it.”

Many thanks to Affirm Press for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

[Claire · Rating 5 out of 5]

In his book, Richard tells the tale of how he came to do his perfect job - definitely not the one most people would like, but perfect for him nonetheless.

Interspersed with stories of the people he and his colleagues have taken care of, their choices, and things that happen behind the scenes (and one of two deftly averted mishaps), Richard unfolds the stories of his own experiences of tragedy and death, and shows how each of them helped shape his passion for the job.

Along the way, he also manages to give some very good advice on how to deal with life, and with death.

It will have you laughing and crying in equal measure, from Roger Rabbit to 50 Shades of Grey. A beautifully written book that will have you wishing for someone like him when your own time comes to turn the corner.

[Krystelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

I feel like there could be nobody better than the author of this book to lay you to rest. There’s such a beauty in having someone who cares this much for respecting and interring the dead, and this book is definitely a testament to that.

The writing was a little patchy in places, with snippets of memory and stories throughout, but everything handled with dignity and grace. I particularly enjoyed the chapter on florists and the questions often asked in the funeral home- it was really quite comforting and lovely.

There were moments I teared up as well, which is always of note. Just a really lovely book, clearly written with so much care.

[Annie Booker · Rating 5 out of 5]

An absolute gem of a book. Whether you fear death or not, grab it and read it and you'll find yourself laughing till you cry, and crying till you laugh. I'm hoping he might write another (and include the children's poem he wrote.)

[Janie Barrett · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sad, poignant, comforting, laugh out loud funny. I couldn’t put this beautiful book down until I finished it, then I immediately picked it up again to reread the section “Things said at the End” for some wise words to live by, and for some truly funny moments.

[Ally Marov · Rating 5 out of 5]

’Death is waiting.
From our first breath, death sits patiently somewhere along our road.
Death anticipates our arrival but doesn't hurry us along. We'll get there in due time; every tick and every tock brings us closer.
No matter how we phrase it, how we dress it up, celebrate it or try to deny it, death is the closing of all our stories.
When our moment comes, we will turn the corner and death will stand to greet us.’

✨5 stars✨
⚠️TRIGGER WARNING BEFORE YOU READ THIS BOOK/REVIEW: death, grief, terminal illness, death of an infant, near-death, suicide⚠️

On the 28th of December 2024, I went home from the hospital after saying my last goodbyes to my uncle who was slowly drifting to the other side.

Bereaved at the thought of this, I went to Facebook and asked a book group if I could have some recommendations on grief and loss.

Many came through with some great recs (which I’m still yet to get through). As I added them all to a Goodreads folder, one comment had stood out to me.

It was from a man who said he didn’t self promote but he wrote a book about his life as a funeral director and it focuses on grief, love and laughter. And that is where this book comes in… 😂

After reading the blurb, I was intrigued. A man becoming a funeral director shortly after a comment was made while his daughter was having emergency surgery about “what would you do if she died?”.

When I first started reading, I didn’t really get into it. At the time, I was quite busy in January (my uncle’s funeral and a mate’s wedding literally being a day apart) and didn’t find the energy or motivation to read for long periods.

But once I got into it… I got into it!

In the beginning, Gosling talks about his life back in the UK, his attempt to apply as a crematorium operator at the age of 21, meeting his girlfriend now wife (Mel) on a trip to Cambodia, flying to Sydney shortly after their wedding and raising their two children, Sandy and Tilda.

Throughout, while recounting his stories as a funeral director, he also mentions people that he had loved and lost in his own personal life.

Two people that had stuck out to me the most were his best mate, Chris, who had passed away from bladder cancer, and his Uncle Steve who had passed away shortly after from oesophageal cancer.
Reading Gosling’s words about them brought me comfort, as someone who has lost both of her uncles to the terrible disease that comes in many different forms.

Going into this book, I thought I was going to be a crying and blubbering mess. What’s weird is… I was the opposite 😂

Granted, I wasn’t rolling on the floor laughing and smiling stupidly. But I found myself laughing at moments that were funny.

Such as the cat who tried to go into its owner’s coffin, the woman who wanted the funeral staff to wear ‘50 Shades of Grey’ ties. Gosling’s grandfather who thought he was the second coming of Jesus, referred to him as ‘Eddie’ and said that he could read auras.

Gosling’s writing style is funny and lighthearted.
He write about his friends, family and clients in a way that doesn’t make you feel heavy and sad after reading it.

I also loved that he mentioned his own love of films and reading. There’s even a chapter that’s dedicated to the books that some clients have read before they passed or their loved ones want to read them to feel a sense of closeness with the ones they’ve lost.

Overall, if you’re looking for an honest, light-hearted, sometimes funny recount of grief, I would say this is a beautiful book to start with.

Definitely exceeded my expectations, for sure! 🤗🌻✨

[Sarah Peters · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’m a mug, I was halfway through before I realised I knew Richard! I’d been a floristry student who’d visited their Bondi location. I’d met, one Saturday, with Richard, to preplan my funeral (in my late 30s) and him scoffing at me prepaying. I didn’t. I also went to the Randwick Ritz for the screening of the TV show! Which was right before my own 6 months working for a funeral home, just before covid started. Despite having been in the industry, the topic interests me. Richard clearly seems called to this work; with such a deep respect. I never arranged a funeral, or did transfers; and in some ways, missed ever experiencing the colour and variety of humans in some of their worst moments.

[Erin Therese · Rating 5 out of 5]

As someone who works in the industry and in Sydney it was nice to see someone write about the work we do and as it says “the lighter side of death”!

[Jessica · Rating 1 out of 5]

This had so much promise and potential.

[Victoria · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some of these stories brought me to tears, whilst others made me laugh. An interesting insight into death, dying & the business of funerals. 😢😊

[Cat Dillon · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book.
As someone who lost their spouse to cancer, it scratched a very particular itch for me. I thoroughly enjoyed his stories and the careful, gentle way he talked about the deceased people he comes across.

It shed light on some parts of the funeral process I wish I had known before having to plan one for my partner.

I laughed more than I expected to, reading this book. Some stories were shocking, and some brought me to tears. I felt like I knew Chris and Odette after hearing their tales. It was all very poignant and the intent felt kind, and pure.

My most treasured chapter was when he talked about people’s advice or words at the end of their lives.

These are the two that stuck with me the most- I liked them so much I wrote them down as soon as I read them:

'It's been a good life. It doesn't matter what comes after. If there is more, then let's have at it, but if this is all there is, then this is more than enough. It's been good.'

'I feel like I'm using up someone else's time, like I've been here long enough and I'm stealing days from someone else's account. I should go now.’

It was really interesting as well to hear that his thoughts on the afterlife have not changed despite his job being so close to death all the time. I liked this book enough that I will likely re-read it in the future. A unique perspective on an inevitable part of life - the end of it, and what happens in the immediate aftermath. So well written, and with such care.

Loved.

[Rosalie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book, on a very difficult and confronting topic, was well written and managed to give us a sense of all the people that will tend to us when we die.
Richard Gosling does a good job in maintaining the balance between giving us the necessary information without becoming too macabre or technical. The book is well paced with Richard Gosling talking about different experiences he has had as a funeral director, and then flowing into other diverse topics. He discusses: florists; books; Covid; and families. He intersperses this with details of his own life, from his daughter’s serious illness and burns to his grandfather who thought that he was Jesus. This helps to keep the book more balanced and personal, instead of just being a more clinical look at the work of funeral directors.
Richard Gosling takes us through the different ways people feel and respond to death. It is an inevitable part of the life cycle, and yet it is the one that we are so unwilling to talk about and deal with.The personal stories of Chris and Odette are painful, touching, poignant and yet loving as well. These stories highlighted one of the themes running through this book was to appreciate life, tell people you love them take the time to appreciate things around you because after all tomorrow is promised to no one. It truly was an exceptional book and a difficult and emotional topic.

[Marles Henry · Rating 3 out of 5]

This might sound a little strange but sometimes it's comforting to write about death and dying. Maybe it's because a lot of people don't talk about it and when we finally do we start to face our own mortality and we accept that our lives don't go on forever there all some beautiful ways to mark the passing of a life. Which is why I picked up Richard Gosling’s book, After the worst has happened. Richard discovered his true vocation in life halfway through his own, by becoming a funeral director. It was a space when he was constantly being confronted with emotion, turmoil, tears, loss, and yearning for comfort and understanding.
What Richard does on this book is provides a humanist perspective to what happens after we die. He talks quiet simply yet full of emotion when he reflects on his job as a funeral director, colouring everything from driving a hearse, to working with florists, and also working with people who want to plan how they want to say goodbye when they leave this earth. He also talks very deeply about his own personal experience when confronted with the thought of losing his young daughter when she was quite ill: what would happen and how would he feel if she died? The way in which his daughter about saying goodbye to her, and her own funeral gave him guidance into hell he could help others he was going through that very same experience after the worst has happened.
I think most people wish that we will die peacefully without pain and with dignity surrounded by people who love us the most. And while that is all well and good will we ever achieve that? But one of the things that we can do in that lead up to that inevitable moment is to talk about what we might like to happen, how we can prepare for it and how we can also prepare the ones we love that moment so it is also easier on them. Death is as natural as birth. And they happen so quickly: in one breath you are alive, and after the last breath, you are not. And this why I think this book resonated with me, because it was coming to terms with the inevitability of death to make me realise that I need to cherish every single moment I have here and now.

[Libby · Rating 4 out of 5]

Undertaking is in my blood. My father’s family ran one of the oldest funeral business in Sydney, established in 1847. They were the first undertakers to purchase motorized hearses and a mortuary ambulance. All my life I’ve wanted to follow in my ancestors footsteps and be involved in the funeral industry. When I was a teenager I considered doing a mortuary course. It seemed like a hard field to get into. I went into Psychology instead but part of me still feels like being an undertaker would be something I would excel at. Richard Gosling sounds like a great undertaker. The right mix of compassionate and irreverent. A sense of humour would be an essential pre requisite and he has that in spades *pun intended 😁 This book detailing his origin story was a lovely read. I cried a few times, which is rare for me and the mark of a great book in my estimation. He has an enjoyable style, witty and dry but also able to express the important things in life with tenderness without schmaltz. A good read indeed.

[Allie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I work in the funeral industry, so I was very interested to read the differences between my state (Queensland), as opposed to the author's (New South Wales). Being as our states are neighbors, I was surprised at the differences. That said, I work in a big company, where Richard Gosling works in a more intimate company (totes jelly!).
This was an interesting read, and it might serve as an eye opener to anyone who thinks they can handle the job. Even if not interested in possible funereal employment, it was still a good read -- being part memoir, part peak-behind-the-curtains.

[Catsalive · Rating 4 out of 5]

A fascinating & touching memoir; well-told & so easy to read. I tried to find the documentary, "The Secret Life of Death", because I wanted more after finishing the book & Odette's story was so poignant, but it's no longer available on SBS, unfortunately. A difficult job, particularly dealing with people in such a vulnerable & highly emotional state, but it certainly sounds like Richard has found his niche.

[Jesse · Rating 5 out of 5]

A lovely read. As beautiful as it is heart wrenching — and between that, underscored with a wonderful sense of humour and warmth and film references.

Makes you sit back and reflect. On the randomness, absurdity and beauty of life. How lives change. How they intersect. Inspire one another. How they endure. How grief holds the hand of love and somehow moves together to walk as one.

Beautiful — and highly recommended.

[Julie Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has sat on my bedside table during a year that I didn't read. I'm on holiday and I'm reading again. I reached for this book first and devoured it in a day. It's a story, many stories, about love and life, the best moments and the worst. Death figures large but it's not all eulogies and tissues. Yes it's sad in places but it's also funny and comforting and life-affirming. It was the book I needed to read. Thank you, Richard Gosling, whoever you are.

[Corinne Johnston · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a gem of a book this is. Richard Gosling is a funeral director, after a few other career choices petered out. He's an Englishman who fell in love with an Aussie woman and made his home in Sydney. this book is part memoir, part behind the scenes of the funeral industry, and the humorous reality of life and death. I laughed a lot, I cried a bit, I realised how grounded my own family is about death and dying. A really wonderful read.

[Deb Kingston · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautifully written with compassion and love for family, people and his job. Very informative about the funeral industry and services. When I looked at the cover of the book I was not sure it was one I wanted to read even though it said ‘on the lighter side of death’ but I was intrigued enough to take it home and very happy that I did.

[Susan Abbey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Richard Gosling - did what he promised - he wrote a book. Writing about death, funerals, last breaths etc is a fragile subject, Richard has done so well. There is part memoir - but the story is sad, poignant, confronting, comforting and parts that just make you - laugh out loud. Entertaining and informative of an industry that has its own mystique.

[Saralie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read a lot about death; it must be a 'time of life' thing! This is an undertaker's memoir revealing the emotional intensity of meeting family and friends and the daily dealings with the dead. A thoughtful book of love and acceptance. I really enjoyed it... and shed a tear at the end

[Mary D · Rating 5 out of 5]

I usually only give Five stars for totally unputdownable read in one session type books. Rounded up from 4.5 because it is mostly set in Australia. It also is a very good book. Well written, easy to read, insightful with lots of heart.

[Elisa Kay · Rating 4 out of 5]

A book told by a funeral director about his experiences with funerals from various denominations.
Stories about people replanning their own funerals.
I enjoyed this book. It won't be for everyone.

[Diane · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of my favourite books for 2024. Beautifully written.

[Rebecca Hicks · Rating 4 out of 5]

Different

[Kelly House · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautifully & respecfully written..

[Leonie Youngberry]

This is a very touching memoir, predominantly about the author’s job as a funeral director but with stories of his life sprinkled throughout. Interesting, thoughtful and well written.

[Lynn · Rating 5 out of 5]

An affecting, funny and accessible memoir that provoked a lot of reflection and discussion in our household. Definitely recommended.

[Annette · Rating 5 out of 5]

Warm and compassionate