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Iris Greene #1
Beauty Is for Suckers
For eighteen-year-old Iris Greene, eternal beauty is a bite away. Iris isn’t tall or short. She isn’t skinny or fat. She is nothing worth remembering—a ghost through high school. But one bite on the neck will suck that away and fix every flat-chested flaw. One bite will give her a beauty that inspires confidence.
A small-town girl from Idaho, Iris moves to L.A. with dreams of an alabaster immortal draining the heat from her pores under a moonlit sky. What she gets is a scratchy mustache sucking on the back of her arm behind an alleyway Dumpster. Her fangs come in, and her heartbeat stops, but her body and face remain unchanged. She looks exactly as she did when she was human, except now, as a vampire, "average" is ugly by comparison.
The only one who can fix her now is the man who sucked her dry. With the help of Nolan Dayburn—an amateur vampire slayer unaware of what she is—Iris will face alleys, nightclubs, and the monsters who inhabit each for answers only an Elbow Biter can provide.
A small-town girl from Idaho, Iris moves to L.A. with dreams of an alabaster immortal draining the heat from her pores under a moonlit sky. What she gets is a scratchy mustache sucking on the back of her arm behind an alleyway Dumpster. Her fangs come in, and her heartbeat stops, but her body and face remain unchanged. She looks exactly as she did when she was human, except now, as a vampire, "average" is ugly by comparison.
The only one who can fix her now is the man who sucked her dry. With the help of Nolan Dayburn—an amateur vampire slayer unaware of what she is—Iris will face alleys, nightclubs, and the monsters who inhabit each for answers only an Elbow Biter can provide.
327 pages, ebook
First published March 3, 2014
15 people want to read
About the author
M.A. Carson
2 books5 followersI grew up in California before moving at age twelve with his parents and sister to Colorado. My love for writing started in fourth grade and provided me limitless possibilities for creative expression. Throughout school, I bounced between short stories, comic books and screenplays with imagination and humor at the forefront.
After graduating college, I focused on novels with subject matters ranging from science fiction to superheroes to beauty-sucking vampires. Regardless of the genre, my goal has always been the same: to take readers on a one-of-a-kind adventure and keep them laughing along the way.
When I'm not writing, I enjoy cooking, drawing, and making sculptures out of cardboard.
After graduating college, I focused on novels with subject matters ranging from science fiction to superheroes to beauty-sucking vampires. Regardless of the genre, my goal has always been the same: to take readers on a one-of-a-kind adventure and keep them laughing along the way.
When I'm not writing, I enjoy cooking, drawing, and making sculptures out of cardboard.
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Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews
May 11, 2014
Beauty is for Suckers has to be one of the best send ups of the whole vampire genre I've seen in a long while! Carson really gets the humor, the strangeness and even some of the smaller details that would come into vampirism if it became an issue in our real society and became a piece of pop culture. Reality is stranger than fiction and this book really touches on so many elements of that truth.
Iris Greene is a frustrated 18 year old who left small town Idaho for L.A., hoping to be bitten and turned into vampire so she could leave her relatively normal life behind. She thinks she's boring, unglamorous and worst of all, despite being bitten and changed, she's still ugly. Uncertain about how to go about changing things for the better, she finally gives in and goes to see a psychologist and explains her predicament.
You see, Iris was bitten by a weirdo vamp she refers to as the Elbow Biter and left to her own devices. Life as a vampire has been less than fulfilling and many of the things she took for granted about being a vamp (thanks to reality television shows and pop culture references) just aren't true or working out the way she'd planned. As luck would have it, neither will her appointment with Dr. Malloy or the many attempts she makes to connect with other vampires in a search for the vamp that fanged her and somehow managed to screw it up.
Vampires can't sleep, don't strictly have to have blood, can't stomach the complexities of most human foods and the one thing Iris wanted out of being a vamp has fallen through. She never went through the change that would make her incredible beautiful. Basically, life sucks. Until one night, when being chased, her life begins to take a strange turn and through a complex series of events she is beginning to figure out that there's more to herself and the vampire lifestyle than she thought.
Beauty is for Suckers is funny, witty and quirky. There's nothing I didn't enjoy about it from beginning to end, and that's saying a lot about a book facing the challenges that many authors do in the indie market. There are tons of great scenes, moments and characters in this book and anyone who picks it up is in for a treat. Please do, its more than worth it!
Iris Greene is a frustrated 18 year old who left small town Idaho for L.A., hoping to be bitten and turned into vampire so she could leave her relatively normal life behind. She thinks she's boring, unglamorous and worst of all, despite being bitten and changed, she's still ugly. Uncertain about how to go about changing things for the better, she finally gives in and goes to see a psychologist and explains her predicament.
You see, Iris was bitten by a weirdo vamp she refers to as the Elbow Biter and left to her own devices. Life as a vampire has been less than fulfilling and many of the things she took for granted about being a vamp (thanks to reality television shows and pop culture references) just aren't true or working out the way she'd planned. As luck would have it, neither will her appointment with Dr. Malloy or the many attempts she makes to connect with other vampires in a search for the vamp that fanged her and somehow managed to screw it up.
Vampires can't sleep, don't strictly have to have blood, can't stomach the complexities of most human foods and the one thing Iris wanted out of being a vamp has fallen through. She never went through the change that would make her incredible beautiful. Basically, life sucks. Until one night, when being chased, her life begins to take a strange turn and through a complex series of events she is beginning to figure out that there's more to herself and the vampire lifestyle than she thought.
Beauty is for Suckers is funny, witty and quirky. There's nothing I didn't enjoy about it from beginning to end, and that's saying a lot about a book facing the challenges that many authors do in the indie market. There are tons of great scenes, moments and characters in this book and anyone who picks it up is in for a treat. Please do, its more than worth it!
May 21, 2014
A fun and promising work from a talented new author. Iris Green is likable protagonist who is obsessed with banishing her plain looks and obtaining beauty even if she has to give up her life in the process. When Iris moves to Los Angeles and quickly achieves her dream of becoming a vampire, she learns that being undead isn't all it's cracked up to be. Her psychiatrist isn't much help, and her first real love interest happens to be brave, sensitive, nice...and an aspiring vampire hunter.
The first chapter of this book was rather slow -- it involved Iris basically explaining her whole back story to a terrified psychiatrist. Personally, I would have much preferred to watch these events take place, but the book quickly picks up speed as Iris seeks out the vampire who changed her. I found myself quickly "sucked" in (ouch). Author M.A. Carson does a great job of making Iris feel real and likable while also flawed. In her quest for external beauty she overlooks her own inner worth until she meets Nolan, aspiring vampire hunter reality star. I really enjoyed the dynamic between these two characters and how they each changed each other in profound ways.
Carson also did a brilliant job of building a world that looks like our own but isn't. He wove in details about the vampire reality shows that fill the airwaves and how the existence of vampires has basically impacted normal human society without it feeling heavy handed.
The last quarter of the book picked up some serious speed and a few big revelations piled up. Personally, I felt this part of the book was rushed, and I didn't like that Nolan (my fav character) faded into the background.
Despite these issues, I thoroughly enjoyed Beauty is for Suckers. The book was deftly woven with humor, strong plot points and a good pace. Iris Green proves that death can be the beginning of a meaningful life. M.A. Carson has all the makings of a solid author. I hope he'll continue to refine his craft as this series moves forward, and I can't wait to read the next book!
The first chapter of this book was rather slow -- it involved Iris basically explaining her whole back story to a terrified psychiatrist. Personally, I would have much preferred to watch these events take place, but the book quickly picks up speed as Iris seeks out the vampire who changed her. I found myself quickly "sucked" in (ouch). Author M.A. Carson does a great job of making Iris feel real and likable while also flawed. In her quest for external beauty she overlooks her own inner worth until she meets Nolan, aspiring vampire hunter reality star. I really enjoyed the dynamic between these two characters and how they each changed each other in profound ways.
Carson also did a brilliant job of building a world that looks like our own but isn't. He wove in details about the vampire reality shows that fill the airwaves and how the existence of vampires has basically impacted normal human society without it feeling heavy handed.
The last quarter of the book picked up some serious speed and a few big revelations piled up. Personally, I felt this part of the book was rushed, and I didn't like that Nolan (my fav character) faded into the background.
Despite these issues, I thoroughly enjoyed Beauty is for Suckers. The book was deftly woven with humor, strong plot points and a good pace. Iris Green proves that death can be the beginning of a meaningful life. M.A. Carson has all the makings of a solid author. I hope he'll continue to refine his craft as this series moves forward, and I can't wait to read the next book!
May 2, 2014
I love books that deal with vampires in one way or the other—but precisely because the topic fascinates me so much, my expectations are high. I’m glad that I gave “Beauty Is for Suckers” by M.A. Carson a chance, because it is refreshingly different and provided entertainment on so many levels.
This isn’t your conventional vampire novel, although there is a lot of biting and blood sucking and action and hunting and killing (aptly called ‘dusting’). What I like most about this book isn’t only that we get a heroine that is female, young and anything but sure of or content with herself, but also that it’s full of criticism. It deals with how obsessed we all are with beauty and wealth and popularity, and it’s full of quick wit and black humour. There’s something to laugh about almost on every page, and something to think about, too. Ultimately, this is a story that asks you to love yourself the way you are, and to live your dreams. Can’t get much better than this…
I like the attention to detail and the mix of vampire clichés with new, interesting ideas like the ‘social networking platform for vampires’, Niche. Then there’s the couple of course, seemingly doomed right from the start but deserving their Happily Ever After. The love each other for all the right reasons, and I admire the mix of normal and crazy that the author has woven into such credible and powerful portraits. We get to enjoy many more major and minor characters, each of them a delight to read about.
If you like books that make you laugh but also think, are fast-paced, modern and witty—and deeper than you’d have thought—this is a great read for you. The book title is perfect, by the way.
This isn’t your conventional vampire novel, although there is a lot of biting and blood sucking and action and hunting and killing (aptly called ‘dusting’). What I like most about this book isn’t only that we get a heroine that is female, young and anything but sure of or content with herself, but also that it’s full of criticism. It deals with how obsessed we all are with beauty and wealth and popularity, and it’s full of quick wit and black humour. There’s something to laugh about almost on every page, and something to think about, too. Ultimately, this is a story that asks you to love yourself the way you are, and to live your dreams. Can’t get much better than this…
I like the attention to detail and the mix of vampire clichés with new, interesting ideas like the ‘social networking platform for vampires’, Niche. Then there’s the couple of course, seemingly doomed right from the start but deserving their Happily Ever After. The love each other for all the right reasons, and I admire the mix of normal and crazy that the author has woven into such credible and powerful portraits. We get to enjoy many more major and minor characters, each of them a delight to read about.
If you like books that make you laugh but also think, are fast-paced, modern and witty—and deeper than you’d have thought—this is a great read for you. The book title is perfect, by the way.
April 18, 2014
I was pretty much finished with vampire stories when this book came along. I loved the blurb and sample, and the innuendo in the title, so I bought the epub right away and pushed it to the top of my To Be Read list.
Iris Greene, new fangled vampire, has allowed herself to be bitten in order to become attractive, but for some reason the bite by the Elbow Biter doesn't work. Well, it does, in a sense, because she needs copious amounts of SPF 165 sunblock and she's allergic to Bibles, crosses, garlic and Holy Water, but her appearance is still the same. And while her looks never got her noticed when she was alive, now the vampires she meets don't even realize the dumpy girl in front of them is a vampire unless she shows them her fangs.
With an ensemble of a teenage slayer, a vain therapist and his socialite wife, as well as a score of attractive and decidedly unattractive vampires, Iris finds herself looking for a way to fit into her new world while she tries to find the vampire who bit her in order to force him to transform her to what she wants to be.
This incredibly funny vampire tale was well-written, with engaging characters and ludicrous situations that were nevertheless so viscerally described that they were ultimately believable. Recommended for fans of fangtastic humour.
4 out of 5 stars.
Iris Greene, new fangled vampire, has allowed herself to be bitten in order to become attractive, but for some reason the bite by the Elbow Biter doesn't work. Well, it does, in a sense, because she needs copious amounts of SPF 165 sunblock and she's allergic to Bibles, crosses, garlic and Holy Water, but her appearance is still the same. And while her looks never got her noticed when she was alive, now the vampires she meets don't even realize the dumpy girl in front of them is a vampire unless she shows them her fangs.
With an ensemble of a teenage slayer, a vain therapist and his socialite wife, as well as a score of attractive and decidedly unattractive vampires, Iris finds herself looking for a way to fit into her new world while she tries to find the vampire who bit her in order to force him to transform her to what she wants to be.
This incredibly funny vampire tale was well-written, with engaging characters and ludicrous situations that were nevertheless so viscerally described that they were ultimately believable. Recommended for fans of fangtastic humour.
4 out of 5 stars.
April 20, 2014
Given I don't live in a cave, I knew the vampire genre had been done to death (no pun intended).
Nevertheless, I gave the book a whirl and I'm glad I did. It was a breath of fresh-air. The author adopted a light touch to spin stereotypes in an amusing, yet subtle way.
The relationship between the protagonists is entirely unlikely, yet wonderfully convincing. Being a male author, I was impressed at how skilfully he wrote his female characters and the twists were delightfully fiendish.
It was a wonderful spin (or Revamp? for those who have read it!!) on a tired formula.
Well done Michael Carson!!
Nevertheless, I gave the book a whirl and I'm glad I did. It was a breath of fresh-air. The author adopted a light touch to spin stereotypes in an amusing, yet subtle way.
The relationship between the protagonists is entirely unlikely, yet wonderfully convincing. Being a male author, I was impressed at how skilfully he wrote his female characters and the twists were delightfully fiendish.
It was a wonderful spin (or Revamp? for those who have read it!!) on a tired formula.
Well done Michael Carson!!
April 4, 2014
A very funny story, with a quirky twist on vampires. I laughed out loud in so many places, and I loved the relationship between Iris, the 18-year-old vampire heroine of the story, and Nolan, the geeky 18-year-old vampire slayer trying to get his own reality show. The writing is lighthearted and funny, and the story reads as a comedy. I haven't laughed so hard since I read Dave Barry's spoof on "Twilight." I definitely recommend this novel to anyone who loves a good laugh and pure entertainment.
August 6, 2014
Drop Dead Gorgeous...that’s all that newly-converted teenage vampire Iris wants to be. And why should she not? It’s common knowledge that all vamps are unbelievably sexy, flawless and irresistible. Yet Iris is just thoroughly, remarkably plain. The obvious conclusion: the monster who converted her, a sleazy gigolo vamp known as “Elbow Biter” botched the job! The solution: track Elbow Biter down and make him fix her! And so begins Iris’ journey into the underworld of vampires and their nemeses: vampire slayers with their own reality shows. Things get even weirder when she meets one such slayer and is forced into an awkward alliance with him. Then things get even more awkward once Iris finally tracks down Elbow Biter.
M.A. Carson’s “Beauty is for Suckers” is a fun adventure/romance novel with plenty of laugh out loud situations and lines that deftly play on the trope of sexy vampires without becoming a parody of the vampire genre itself. The author’s use of a therapy session, told in first person by the main character is a clever literary device to introduce the protagonist. The author has a knack for writing engaging dialogue and interesting turns of phrases. I found parts of the book a little dialogue-heavy and would have preferred that the plot get off to a faster start, but these are minor quibbles and would recommend the book as a calling card from a fresh talent to look out for in the field of fantasy literature.
M.A. Carson’s “Beauty is for Suckers” is a fun adventure/romance novel with plenty of laugh out loud situations and lines that deftly play on the trope of sexy vampires without becoming a parody of the vampire genre itself. The author’s use of a therapy session, told in first person by the main character is a clever literary device to introduce the protagonist. The author has a knack for writing engaging dialogue and interesting turns of phrases. I found parts of the book a little dialogue-heavy and would have preferred that the plot get off to a faster start, but these are minor quibbles and would recommend the book as a calling card from a fresh talent to look out for in the field of fantasy literature.
February 8, 2016
I'm VERY glad I picked this one up: I couldn't put it down!
Iris has just graduated high school and is tired of being "normal". She wants to be beautiful; perfect. Like the breathtakingly beautiful Vampires that dominate reality TV.
She heads from Twin Falls, Idaho to LA with plans to get one of the beautiful Vampires to turn her from Plain to Perfect. Only, instead of a romantic encounter leading to a totally new and beautiful Iris, she wakes behind a dumpster with fangs but otherwise the same plain body as before, and one goal: to find the vamp who bit her and find out what he did wrong!
This was a hilarious romp through a unique and well-built world of Modern USA mixed with Vampires. Iris is funny, complex, and, while exceedingly naive, she is fun to follow on her adventure. There is tension in the budding romance between her and Self-Declared Slayer: Nolan; but overall the story reads quickly and lightly with some surprisingly supportive and awesome side-characters.
A rather delightfully fun vamp-novel. I found myself laughing often, grossed out a few times at the unique and dark twists in the plot, and enjoying where the plot and characters went.
This is one I'll happily put on my list to wait for the sequel.
Iris has just graduated high school and is tired of being "normal". She wants to be beautiful; perfect. Like the breathtakingly beautiful Vampires that dominate reality TV.
She heads from Twin Falls, Idaho to LA with plans to get one of the beautiful Vampires to turn her from Plain to Perfect. Only, instead of a romantic encounter leading to a totally new and beautiful Iris, she wakes behind a dumpster with fangs but otherwise the same plain body as before, and one goal: to find the vamp who bit her and find out what he did wrong!
This was a hilarious romp through a unique and well-built world of Modern USA mixed with Vampires. Iris is funny, complex, and, while exceedingly naive, she is fun to follow on her adventure. There is tension in the budding romance between her and Self-Declared Slayer: Nolan; but overall the story reads quickly and lightly with some surprisingly supportive and awesome side-characters.
A rather delightfully fun vamp-novel. I found myself laughing often, grossed out a few times at the unique and dark twists in the plot, and enjoying where the plot and characters went.
This is one I'll happily put on my list to wait for the sequel.
April 6, 2014
I must say that the story was definitely comedic. I thoroughly enjoyed the author's sense of humor, especially at the end. The irony of her father's fate after abandoning her was PERFECT.
The vanity in which the heroine was SOOOOOOO obssessed with irritated me to no end, and the lengths she was willing to go in order to become what she had desperately dreamed of was tiresome. Becoming one of the "cool kids" is essentially all she wanted to do and I just wanted to shake her. She spent so much time convincing another vampire that there was more to immortality than their looks and endless sex with myriads of strangers, but she refused to look at herself that way.
I'm looking forward to and hoping that there will be future books in this series with these characters. I would love to see what happens with Nolan and Iris, Vampire Investigations and Revamp! I do feel that the story can be trimmed down a bit, but overall I really enjoyed it.
The vanity in which the heroine was SOOOOOOO obssessed with irritated me to no end, and the lengths she was willing to go in order to become what she had desperately dreamed of was tiresome. Becoming one of the "cool kids" is essentially all she wanted to do and I just wanted to shake her. She spent so much time convincing another vampire that there was more to immortality than their looks and endless sex with myriads of strangers, but she refused to look at herself that way.
I'm looking forward to and hoping that there will be future books in this series with these characters. I would love to see what happens with Nolan and Iris, Vampire Investigations and Revamp! I do feel that the story can be trimmed down a bit, but overall I really enjoyed it.
January 11, 2015
Iris Greene came to LA for one reason. To get bit by a vampire so she could be eternally beautiful. Vampire bite? Check. Eternal beauty? Not so much. Iris is horrified to discover that she is still 'ugly' after being bitten on the elbow in an alleyway. What went wrong? Iris sets out on a mission to find the vampire so he can put things right. Along the way she meets some strange and unique people including amateur vampire slayer Nolan. I had given up on vampire novels some years back after the depressingly bad twilight. Beauty is for suckers has changed that. A well written, funny, action packed tale. I loved it.
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