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Broken Bottle #1
Shadow Heart
Nobody wants to talk about them, but there are events that occur in our lives that become deep dark secrets we hold inside. And they dramatically influence who we are and who we become.
Such is the case for seventeen year-old Nicky Young who was raised by an alcoholic father and disengaged mother. When Nicky tries to make her way into the world she is confronted by the demons of her dysfunctional and sometimes violent upbringing.
Unlike many of her friends, she has shied away from boys, makeup, and clothes, instead focusing on achievement and her goal of getting into Stanford. But when Nicky meets Ryan Tilton, a sexy, high profile professional baseball player eight years her senior, a strong desire is awakened in her.
Nicky questions Ryan’s motives for wanting to be with an inexperienced girl. Is he a scoundrel or does he genuinely care about her? Nicky is both excited and frightened, torn between protecting her heart and wanting to trust. Ryan brings his own demons — losing his father at the age of fourteen, and a sexual partner from his past who will not leave him alone.
Will their young, uncertain love be enough to help them open their hearts and experience intimacy they both crave so deeply or are Nicky and Ryan on a collision course?
Loosely based on the author’s life growing up in San Francisco, this inspired contemporary romance novel deals with the disturbing secrets siblings share, the dance between love and protecting one’s heart, and the innate desire to connect with another even when it means risking everything.
Such is the case for seventeen year-old Nicky Young who was raised by an alcoholic father and disengaged mother. When Nicky tries to make her way into the world she is confronted by the demons of her dysfunctional and sometimes violent upbringing.
Unlike many of her friends, she has shied away from boys, makeup, and clothes, instead focusing on achievement and her goal of getting into Stanford. But when Nicky meets Ryan Tilton, a sexy, high profile professional baseball player eight years her senior, a strong desire is awakened in her.
Nicky questions Ryan’s motives for wanting to be with an inexperienced girl. Is he a scoundrel or does he genuinely care about her? Nicky is both excited and frightened, torn between protecting her heart and wanting to trust. Ryan brings his own demons — losing his father at the age of fourteen, and a sexual partner from his past who will not leave him alone.
Will their young, uncertain love be enough to help them open their hearts and experience intimacy they both crave so deeply or are Nicky and Ryan on a collision course?
Loosely based on the author’s life growing up in San Francisco, this inspired contemporary romance novel deals with the disturbing secrets siblings share, the dance between love and protecting one’s heart, and the innate desire to connect with another even when it means risking everything.
338 pages, Kindle Edition
First published February 17, 2014
14 people are currently reading
1895 people want to read
About the author
Pamela Taeuffer
5 books70 followersMy passion is writing books that tell tell about family sagas through a love story. They detail leaving fears behind as the characters embrace intimacy and transition to joy. Broken Bottles, my first series, details those fears of growing up in a family battling alcoholism. Along with the struggle and pain of a parent's rage, there is intelligence, strength and survival. How to love intimately in all relationships is the challenge. For children of trauma, it can take years to let another person come close. When they do? It's like rainbows cover their heart.
Slowly, you'll read how the characters become vulnerable, reach for deep, sensual intimacy, and try desperately to let go of their fears. They struggle and risk everything to trust others--and themselves. My books are about daring to take baby steps that let them really come alive and in every way, experience and give love.
The small vacation rental/property management company I run with my husband in Sonoma County, CA, allows me to have the money to engage in my creative life. I love that I was born and raised in San Francisco. My father introduced me to baseball when I was six, a backdrop in Broken Bottles. I've rung a cable car bell and went to concerts in Golden Gate Park with my sister where Jimmy Hendrix, Jefferson Airplane and Santana once played.
I've written and published Shadow Heart and Fire Heart, and books 3 and 4 of Part I of Broken Bottles - Jagged Heart and Amazing Heart - will be released shortly. I'm honored to have 3 poems in an anthology called, The Beats Go On, an a story in Sisters Born, Sisters Found. I have also written a non-fiction book called, The Introverts Guide to the Galaxy: Attending Conferences.
My dream?
1. To finish Broken Bottles, a project of four parts and 15 novels.
2. To finished my Introverts Series.
3. To finish a series about brain trauma and how it impacts family and loved ones.
4. To create beautifully decorated and custom journals with gorgeous paper that accompany each book series: The Introvert's Journal, A Family Saga Journal, My Body's Journal, and so on. Journaling was a lifesaver for me. I was in shock. You may be in shock. Don't let that keep your heart frozen.
Slowly, you'll read how the characters become vulnerable, reach for deep, sensual intimacy, and try desperately to let go of their fears. They struggle and risk everything to trust others--and themselves. My books are about daring to take baby steps that let them really come alive and in every way, experience and give love.
The small vacation rental/property management company I run with my husband in Sonoma County, CA, allows me to have the money to engage in my creative life. I love that I was born and raised in San Francisco. My father introduced me to baseball when I was six, a backdrop in Broken Bottles. I've rung a cable car bell and went to concerts in Golden Gate Park with my sister where Jimmy Hendrix, Jefferson Airplane and Santana once played.
I've written and published Shadow Heart and Fire Heart, and books 3 and 4 of Part I of Broken Bottles - Jagged Heart and Amazing Heart - will be released shortly. I'm honored to have 3 poems in an anthology called, The Beats Go On, an a story in Sisters Born, Sisters Found. I have also written a non-fiction book called, The Introverts Guide to the Galaxy: Attending Conferences.
My dream?
1. To finish Broken Bottles, a project of four parts and 15 novels.
2. To finished my Introverts Series.
3. To finish a series about brain trauma and how it impacts family and loved ones.
4. To create beautifully decorated and custom journals with gorgeous paper that accompany each book series: The Introvert's Journal, A Family Saga Journal, My Body's Journal, and so on. Journaling was a lifesaver for me. I was in shock. You may be in shock. Don't let that keep your heart frozen.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 60 reviews
October 8, 2014
I wanted to make a general comment about my philosophy in writing the book. I understand unfinished endings are very frustrating. Really, I get it. Why I'm writing each book that way is because the life of someone growing up in family addiction is a cliff hanger. It's never finished, or at least not until a certain journey has finished for that child/adult. It takes many years to uncover and unwrap all the layers of dysfunction that become chained around our heart and lock us down. If you truly enjoy the writing and story, could you separate your frustration about the ending? If not, I understand.
I lived a cliff hanger day after day, and did everything I could to survive my home. Very little was ever resolved.
I just thought it might help to understand why I chose to approach writing the book this way.
I was the most naive and square kid imaginable, but let me tell you, when I turned eighteen? Fantasies and filled my head, I wanted kisses, and with the right nudge . . . well, even the most innocent of us can enjoy what we never thought we could before.
In any case, I certainly appreciate you reading it, and will take all of your suggestions under consideration.
-- Pamela Taeuffer, Author
April 18, 2014
***RECEIVED FROM FIRST READS GIVEAWAY***
I loved this story, it was well researched and written well from the point of view of someone living with an alcoholic. Although not to the same scale, I am familiar with the coping mechanisms from my own childhood. I found that I was rooting for Ryan over Jerry, however I think that's because as a 31 year old I personally would choose the man over the boy. The only reason I gave the book 4 stars and not 5 is the fact that it ends nowhere, TO BE CONTINUED. It infuriates me when authors do this when the current story isn't finished. Have sequels and a series with the same characters but at least finish the main plot in each book and weave it into a series.
I loved this story, it was well researched and written well from the point of view of someone living with an alcoholic. Although not to the same scale, I am familiar with the coping mechanisms from my own childhood. I found that I was rooting for Ryan over Jerry, however I think that's because as a 31 year old I personally would choose the man over the boy. The only reason I gave the book 4 stars and not 5 is the fact that it ends nowhere, TO BE CONTINUED. It infuriates me when authors do this when the current story isn't finished. Have sequels and a series with the same characters but at least finish the main plot in each book and weave it into a series.
May 14, 2016
Before I go into my reviews, I’d like to make a statement of sorts. My experience in reading this book has to do with my own history. Some of my own reactions to parts of Nicky’s story, is just that. My own!
This story is quite powerful in many, many spots. I loved the poem that starts out before the first chapter. It speaks to the heart and has some very positives notes. Right away you’re thrown into Nicky’s torturous story. Literally, thrown right into the mess. It’s hard because I can identify with her fear, the wish to be smaller than she is and to be swallowed up and hiding from her surroundings. Anybody who has faced similar trauma in their lives, knows exactly what this feels like. My heart hurt for young Nicky and Jenise. They face the reality of their father's abuse and addiction and have to learn to live with it and protect themselves. Those are two things that are extremely hard, regardless of your age. It’s even harder in my opinion when it’s a parent.
Nicky learns over the years to work hard at covering up the truth and hiding away from home. In other words, painting on a happy face and working her butt off to reach her goals. Many of those goals are getting away from her family and working hard towards a career. She is pretty successful in this, even as her family gets hit by several different bad things. One of those is her sister being raped. This was another pivotal moment in the book. I had a VERY hard time reading the details of the rape. I didn’t like that part at all. Where as I can understand why that portion may have been important for the author to get her point across, it was hard to read. I’m not oblivious to the reality of something like this at all. It’s also very heartbreaking and I found myself crying for Jenise as well. Yes, the author is successful in pulling out the various emotions in a reader through her character's stories. I’ve always said that it’s a good thing. Even if it’s hurt in some cases. Nicky has to learn how to deal with her feelings towards her sister after the rape too. She feels guilty for a number of reason. Again, a really powerful feelings.
As the story goes along, we learn more about Nicky’s goals and even her accomplishments. I loved how dedicated she is to just about everything she does. Even when it comes to something as simple as forming a cheer squad for a baseball team. That isn’t the first time I’ve read something like that in a book and wouldn’t be surprised to see it happen some day soon. But back to Nicky, she brings her friends on to the team with her and makes some supportive and loving relationships. She ends up feeling comfortable enough to share some of what has happened to her. As a survivor, that’s a huge step. She’s so strong and mature. I wish more people would speak up and share their story and seek help. For Nicky, she found help in the things she did. Whether it was school, cheer, friendships or even volunteering. I loved that about her.
Nicky gets more and more involved with her activities and friendships. Along the way she’s warned about Ryan, who is a member of the team they cheer for. She’s followed the team since she was a kid and loves everything baseball. Even with the warning about him being a ladies man, she finds herself drawn to him. She overhears a conversation that was pretty explicit and instead of turning her completely away from him, she only shifts slightly in her view. As they start talking, Ryan asks her for help with volunteering and helping out with returning veterans. That’s where their story starts to take off a little more. I loved also that there was that focus on something that is serious. It went beyond her own trauma and gave her something positive to focus on as well as bring attention to yet another thing that is pushed away constantly in everyday life. Nobody wants to focus on something as horrible at times as what the returning service members go through. There are quite a few characters there that I think would make interesting stories on their own.
More and more time goes by and Nicky starts to experience all the things that go on with being a teenager. Love, support, faith, peer pressure and even sex. She gets pulled in several different directions as she tries to figure out which path she needs to take. She keeps her goals in sight, but she has to decide whether or not a detour is plausible at any time. She’s in a love triangle that she has no business being in. I found myself angry and the three people in that triangle. Nicky for being unrelenting in her flipping emotions towards one man or the other. Jerry for being clueless in some points where he should have seen the truth in the fact she doesn’t know what she wants. I also didn’t like his peer pressuring at all. That struck a chord with me, again because of my past. Ryan annoyed the heck out of me because of his age and pursuing her. Regardless of the time frame that he took as a time out before he did. I dislike how he goes about things. It’s hard to really say all that irritated me with these characters, because I don’t want to give away much. But at the same time, it’s what makes the story a bit more interesting. Besides the fact that when you look straight at it, they’re people too. They’re not immune to the usual craziness and not so unusual feelings in life.
The book does end in a cliffhanger, as the author states. I always have mixed feelings on cliffhangers. On one hand, I love it gets your attention. On another, it's frustrating because you want to know right then what is going to happen. If you happen to be reading the one before the next is out, the frustration is for sure there. That’s how to keep people interested though! In the end it’s a pretty good book. Although I did have quite a few issues with their experiences, I have to be objective as a reader and reviewer. The story comes together pretty well.
Positives:
Nicky's story is one that needs to be shared and put out out there. The author brings a very touchy subject to the forefront, where it needs to be.
Even through the rough circumstances of her life, Nicky is a strong woman and fighting for survival among all this negativity. I loved her ability to go on and fight.
Some of the supporting characters are really interesting and it will be intriguing to see if their stories blossom a little more in the future books of the series.
Negatives:
I honestly believe there should have been a disclaimer right off the bat. Yes, there is a warning of sorts regarding how Nicky survives her family's alcoholism. But nothing after that warns you to the fact that there is deeply detailed trauma that can cause triggers for some readers. I would have liked to either see a disclaimer in the description of the book on Amazon and/or the book itself. It would have helped prepare me for it in some ways.
There were moments where the story stalled out a little. Nothing too major or distracting.
It’s an emotional read that walks you through the life of a young girl who is turning into a women and facing many, many challenges beyond the norm. It will be interesting to see where her path takes her from here.
I give it a 4 out of 5 stars.
This story is quite powerful in many, many spots. I loved the poem that starts out before the first chapter. It speaks to the heart and has some very positives notes. Right away you’re thrown into Nicky’s torturous story. Literally, thrown right into the mess. It’s hard because I can identify with her fear, the wish to be smaller than she is and to be swallowed up and hiding from her surroundings. Anybody who has faced similar trauma in their lives, knows exactly what this feels like. My heart hurt for young Nicky and Jenise. They face the reality of their father's abuse and addiction and have to learn to live with it and protect themselves. Those are two things that are extremely hard, regardless of your age. It’s even harder in my opinion when it’s a parent.
Nicky learns over the years to work hard at covering up the truth and hiding away from home. In other words, painting on a happy face and working her butt off to reach her goals. Many of those goals are getting away from her family and working hard towards a career. She is pretty successful in this, even as her family gets hit by several different bad things. One of those is her sister being raped. This was another pivotal moment in the book. I had a VERY hard time reading the details of the rape. I didn’t like that part at all. Where as I can understand why that portion may have been important for the author to get her point across, it was hard to read. I’m not oblivious to the reality of something like this at all. It’s also very heartbreaking and I found myself crying for Jenise as well. Yes, the author is successful in pulling out the various emotions in a reader through her character's stories. I’ve always said that it’s a good thing. Even if it’s hurt in some cases. Nicky has to learn how to deal with her feelings towards her sister after the rape too. She feels guilty for a number of reason. Again, a really powerful feelings.
As the story goes along, we learn more about Nicky’s goals and even her accomplishments. I loved how dedicated she is to just about everything she does. Even when it comes to something as simple as forming a cheer squad for a baseball team. That isn’t the first time I’ve read something like that in a book and wouldn’t be surprised to see it happen some day soon. But back to Nicky, she brings her friends on to the team with her and makes some supportive and loving relationships. She ends up feeling comfortable enough to share some of what has happened to her. As a survivor, that’s a huge step. She’s so strong and mature. I wish more people would speak up and share their story and seek help. For Nicky, she found help in the things she did. Whether it was school, cheer, friendships or even volunteering. I loved that about her.
Nicky gets more and more involved with her activities and friendships. Along the way she’s warned about Ryan, who is a member of the team they cheer for. She’s followed the team since she was a kid and loves everything baseball. Even with the warning about him being a ladies man, she finds herself drawn to him. She overhears a conversation that was pretty explicit and instead of turning her completely away from him, she only shifts slightly in her view. As they start talking, Ryan asks her for help with volunteering and helping out with returning veterans. That’s where their story starts to take off a little more. I loved also that there was that focus on something that is serious. It went beyond her own trauma and gave her something positive to focus on as well as bring attention to yet another thing that is pushed away constantly in everyday life. Nobody wants to focus on something as horrible at times as what the returning service members go through. There are quite a few characters there that I think would make interesting stories on their own.
More and more time goes by and Nicky starts to experience all the things that go on with being a teenager. Love, support, faith, peer pressure and even sex. She gets pulled in several different directions as she tries to figure out which path she needs to take. She keeps her goals in sight, but she has to decide whether or not a detour is plausible at any time. She’s in a love triangle that she has no business being in. I found myself angry and the three people in that triangle. Nicky for being unrelenting in her flipping emotions towards one man or the other. Jerry for being clueless in some points where he should have seen the truth in the fact she doesn’t know what she wants. I also didn’t like his peer pressuring at all. That struck a chord with me, again because of my past. Ryan annoyed the heck out of me because of his age and pursuing her. Regardless of the time frame that he took as a time out before he did. I dislike how he goes about things. It’s hard to really say all that irritated me with these characters, because I don’t want to give away much. But at the same time, it’s what makes the story a bit more interesting. Besides the fact that when you look straight at it, they’re people too. They’re not immune to the usual craziness and not so unusual feelings in life.
The book does end in a cliffhanger, as the author states. I always have mixed feelings on cliffhangers. On one hand, I love it gets your attention. On another, it's frustrating because you want to know right then what is going to happen. If you happen to be reading the one before the next is out, the frustration is for sure there. That’s how to keep people interested though! In the end it’s a pretty good book. Although I did have quite a few issues with their experiences, I have to be objective as a reader and reviewer. The story comes together pretty well.
Positives:
Nicky's story is one that needs to be shared and put out out there. The author brings a very touchy subject to the forefront, where it needs to be.
Even through the rough circumstances of her life, Nicky is a strong woman and fighting for survival among all this negativity. I loved her ability to go on and fight.
Some of the supporting characters are really interesting and it will be intriguing to see if their stories blossom a little more in the future books of the series.
Negatives:
I honestly believe there should have been a disclaimer right off the bat. Yes, there is a warning of sorts regarding how Nicky survives her family's alcoholism. But nothing after that warns you to the fact that there is deeply detailed trauma that can cause triggers for some readers. I would have liked to either see a disclaimer in the description of the book on Amazon and/or the book itself. It would have helped prepare me for it in some ways.
There were moments where the story stalled out a little. Nothing too major or distracting.
It’s an emotional read that walks you through the life of a young girl who is turning into a women and facing many, many challenges beyond the norm. It will be interesting to see where her path takes her from here.
I give it a 4 out of 5 stars.
January 26, 2015
I received this book as part of a First Reads giveaway. I began reading it this morning and finished it this afternoon. It took me about 3 and a half non consecutive hours to read. As I understand it, parts of the book are being redone and the author was kind enough... Well, to send me the book in the first place. However, my point is that she also included a copy of the new ending.
My initial thoughts of the book were quite depressing. It was pretty sad to read through the kind of abuse those poor girls went through. After the first third of the book, I stopped to think about it a little while I went about some other parts of my day. My initial thoughts were whether Nicky and her sister would regain any sort of sisterly bond. My other thoughts were as to whether either the mother and father would gain some sort of redemption later on.
Right from the beginning, it was written almost as if it was part of this little girl growing up to adulthood. There was always a certain level of quick thinking and mental changes. I probably haven't described this well, but what I mean is that Nicky's mind would jump around here and there as she went about her business, which made it all the more realistic to me. In my own life, sometimes I'll be thinking about one thing and then it will remind me of something else, which will remind me of something else again. In this book, I was certainly reminded of that type of thinking and mental changeability, which I've not seen in many other novels.
I liked the overall plot line of her father possibly losing his job and I kind of wished there was more to that in this novel as that is a huge part in her life. I think the modelling thing was a bit brushed over as well and it seemed like it was introduced, but never really resolved, as if it was some sort of filler portion. I'm assuming both of those points are going to be continued in the next novel.
I have to admit that I was a bit creeped out by Ryan overall. I liked him from the start, but he got very creepy and domineering. Though Nicky was somewhat of a strong character, I kind of felt sorry that Ryan was constantly trying to overpower her. As for Jerry, it kind of seemed like a weird third wheel in a relationship, which I guess was the point. From what I remember, until he was introduced at the prom portion, he wasn't even mentioned beforehand. It just seemed like that, though they'd been some sort of really close childhood friends, she just didn't care about him at all; having never thought of him (to us) before his introduction. It seemed even more odd because he was supposedly a rather big fan of baseball, even intending it as a future career and it would have been perfect to introduce him at some of the initial games of the novel as a small character, to be developed later on in the novel. Mind you, his entire relationship with Nicky seemed a bit off, in my opinion, as well. It just seemed like all along, he wanted to be more than friends and there wasn't much of a friendship after all. Out of the pair of them, I preferred Jerry, but would have liked if he wasn't so creepy/ forceful.
Overall, I'm not really done with this review, I don't think... I'll probably add more to it if I think of more. At the moment, I think four stars are well earned and I think I will try to read the next novel, when it is released.
My initial thoughts of the book were quite depressing. It was pretty sad to read through the kind of abuse those poor girls went through. After the first third of the book, I stopped to think about it a little while I went about some other parts of my day. My initial thoughts were whether Nicky and her sister would regain any sort of sisterly bond. My other thoughts were as to whether either the mother and father would gain some sort of redemption later on.
Right from the beginning, it was written almost as if it was part of this little girl growing up to adulthood. There was always a certain level of quick thinking and mental changes. I probably haven't described this well, but what I mean is that Nicky's mind would jump around here and there as she went about her business, which made it all the more realistic to me. In my own life, sometimes I'll be thinking about one thing and then it will remind me of something else, which will remind me of something else again. In this book, I was certainly reminded of that type of thinking and mental changeability, which I've not seen in many other novels.
I liked the overall plot line of her father possibly losing his job and I kind of wished there was more to that in this novel as that is a huge part in her life. I think the modelling thing was a bit brushed over as well and it seemed like it was introduced, but never really resolved, as if it was some sort of filler portion. I'm assuming both of those points are going to be continued in the next novel.
I have to admit that I was a bit creeped out by Ryan overall. I liked him from the start, but he got very creepy and domineering. Though Nicky was somewhat of a strong character, I kind of felt sorry that Ryan was constantly trying to overpower her. As for Jerry, it kind of seemed like a weird third wheel in a relationship, which I guess was the point. From what I remember, until he was introduced at the prom portion, he wasn't even mentioned beforehand. It just seemed like that, though they'd been some sort of really close childhood friends, she just didn't care about him at all; having never thought of him (to us) before his introduction. It seemed even more odd because he was supposedly a rather big fan of baseball, even intending it as a future career and it would have been perfect to introduce him at some of the initial games of the novel as a small character, to be developed later on in the novel. Mind you, his entire relationship with Nicky seemed a bit off, in my opinion, as well. It just seemed like all along, he wanted to be more than friends and there wasn't much of a friendship after all. Out of the pair of them, I preferred Jerry, but would have liked if he wasn't so creepy/ forceful.
Overall, I'm not really done with this review, I don't think... I'll probably add more to it if I think of more. At the moment, I think four stars are well earned and I think I will try to read the next novel, when it is released.
September 26, 2014
A young women who grew up in a family damaged by her father's alcoholism and her mother's emotional alienation struggles to negotiate her first adult romantic relationship.
Nikki is complex character. Unable to trust her own feelings or the intentions of those around her, she spends a lot of time in her own head. She survived her troubled childhood by focusing on how she'd get out--via acceptance to a top university. To achieve this, she's dedicated herself to her school work and extra-curricular activities. Her latest project is leading a booster/cheer squad for her local minor league baseball team. In the course of this latest effort at plumping her CV, Nikki catches the eye of one of the players. What begins as friendship slowly evolves into something more. Dealing with this relationship challenges Nikki's future plans, her carefully cultivated coping mechanisms, and her heart.
Pamela Taeuffer does a great job depicting Nikki's toxic family dynamics. There are some harrowing scenes of anger and violence. Nikki's inner turmoil is believable and her social naivete is both natural and touching. I did find that Nikki's nearly constant inward focus slowed the pace of the story in places. There were times when her doubts and fears about Ryan got so huge and tangled, I wanted to shake her and tell her to stop over-analyzing every single detail about the pair's latest encounter.
For his part, Ryan is an enticing hero. He's a little too self-aware, perhaps. He and Nikki get into these long, deep conversations that aren't standard guy-girl interactions. There are also instances of straight-out authorial intrusion--comments aimed directly at the reader about the reality of life in an alcoholic household or the tricks alcoholics play on the people who love them. These are useful bits of information and advice, but they had the effect of yanking me right out of the story.
SHADOW HEART is the first of a three-book series. Still, I wasn't quite prepared for how abruptly this installment ends. It's a true cliffhanger.
Personally, I think it's easier to appreciate this book if it's categorized as a literary novel rather than a contemporary romance, because the big story is how Nikki changes over the course of the story. Either way, SHADOW HEART is a thoughtful, character-driven novel that explores the deep and lingering scars left by growing up in a home shattered by substance abuse. I'm looking forward to the next book in the series.
Nikki is complex character. Unable to trust her own feelings or the intentions of those around her, she spends a lot of time in her own head. She survived her troubled childhood by focusing on how she'd get out--via acceptance to a top university. To achieve this, she's dedicated herself to her school work and extra-curricular activities. Her latest project is leading a booster/cheer squad for her local minor league baseball team. In the course of this latest effort at plumping her CV, Nikki catches the eye of one of the players. What begins as friendship slowly evolves into something more. Dealing with this relationship challenges Nikki's future plans, her carefully cultivated coping mechanisms, and her heart.
Pamela Taeuffer does a great job depicting Nikki's toxic family dynamics. There are some harrowing scenes of anger and violence. Nikki's inner turmoil is believable and her social naivete is both natural and touching. I did find that Nikki's nearly constant inward focus slowed the pace of the story in places. There were times when her doubts and fears about Ryan got so huge and tangled, I wanted to shake her and tell her to stop over-analyzing every single detail about the pair's latest encounter.
For his part, Ryan is an enticing hero. He's a little too self-aware, perhaps. He and Nikki get into these long, deep conversations that aren't standard guy-girl interactions. There are also instances of straight-out authorial intrusion--comments aimed directly at the reader about the reality of life in an alcoholic household or the tricks alcoholics play on the people who love them. These are useful bits of information and advice, but they had the effect of yanking me right out of the story.
SHADOW HEART is the first of a three-book series. Still, I wasn't quite prepared for how abruptly this installment ends. It's a true cliffhanger.
Personally, I think it's easier to appreciate this book if it's categorized as a literary novel rather than a contemporary romance, because the big story is how Nikki changes over the course of the story. Either way, SHADOW HEART is a thoughtful, character-driven novel that explores the deep and lingering scars left by growing up in a home shattered by substance abuse. I'm looking forward to the next book in the series.
August 21, 2015
Oh boy, I really did not like this book.
First off, the dialogue, is really really bad.. like really bad. Even the most minor of character interactions I found totally hard to swallow as the way the characters spoke just did not ring true at all. At one point the main character is eavesdropping on two guys in their mid 20s having a conversation about women and the dialogue between them was quite frankly laughable. Yes, guys can be crude when they are together but while they may make the occasional comment on par with those in the book, they do not carry on entire conversations in this manner.
Secondly, I had a real problem with the relationship in this book. And no, it isn't necessarily the age thing, I think there are stories out there that deal with this topic and deal with it well I just don't think this book was one of them. But even without the characters ages coming into play this relationship had real problems.
I also had issues with the main character constantly losing her train of thought every time she caught sight of this guys chest... or 'Man Breasts'...
I have a massive problem with Ryan suggesting in this book that Nicky wearing an outfit of little shorts and a tight top means that she is making herself a target for rapists.
The story also has no plot whatsoever. It doesn't even have an ending. And yes, I can accept books with somewhat open endings that leave things to the reader to interpret but this was not that at all. The story has little point aside from the unhealthy relationship and then it just ends suddenly and with no warning at a seemingly random point in the narrative.
I have several other issues with the story and things that I found problematic or not believable but will not continue to carry on.
Unfortunately I cannot personally recommend this book to anyone as I did not enjoy any part of it, but we all have individual likes and tastes so there will of course always be people out there who will enjoy this, unfortunately I was just not one of them.
Thank you to netgalley and the publishers for providing me with a copy to review
First off, the dialogue, is really really bad.. like really bad. Even the most minor of character interactions I found totally hard to swallow as the way the characters spoke just did not ring true at all. At one point the main character is eavesdropping on two guys in their mid 20s having a conversation about women and the dialogue between them was quite frankly laughable. Yes, guys can be crude when they are together but while they may make the occasional comment on par with those in the book, they do not carry on entire conversations in this manner.
Secondly, I had a real problem with the relationship in this book. And no, it isn't necessarily the age thing, I think there are stories out there that deal with this topic and deal with it well I just don't think this book was one of them. But even without the characters ages coming into play this relationship had real problems.
I also had issues with the main character constantly losing her train of thought every time she caught sight of this guys chest... or 'Man Breasts'...
I have a massive problem with Ryan suggesting in this book that Nicky wearing an outfit of little shorts and a tight top means that she is making herself a target for rapists.
The story also has no plot whatsoever. It doesn't even have an ending. And yes, I can accept books with somewhat open endings that leave things to the reader to interpret but this was not that at all. The story has little point aside from the unhealthy relationship and then it just ends suddenly and with no warning at a seemingly random point in the narrative.
I have several other issues with the story and things that I found problematic or not believable but will not continue to carry on.
Unfortunately I cannot personally recommend this book to anyone as I did not enjoy any part of it, but we all have individual likes and tastes so there will of course always be people out there who will enjoy this, unfortunately I was just not one of them.
Thank you to netgalley and the publishers for providing me with a copy to review
May 2, 2014
Shadow Heart by Pamela Taeuffer is another book I was fortunate enough to win through Goodreads and I would like to thank Pamela, as well as Goodreads for holding this giveaway. I am always happy to receive new books and discover new authors. When I see the e-mail telling me I won a giveaway, I get super excited and my mood is lifted for the rest of the day .
Shadow Heart is a Contemporary romance novel about a seventeen year-old girl named Nicky. Raised in a dysfunctional family with an alcoholic father and a mother who seems to have given up on everything, Nicky has learned to cope with her situation by overbooking her days to avoid going home, and focusing on her education. Unlike most girls her age, Nicky has never paid much attention to boys. Of course, all of this changes when she meets Ryan, a dreamy baseball player with a bad reputation.
I very much enjoyed this novel. It was easy to read and although the subjects introduced in this book are very heavy ones, I didn't feel as though they were overwhelming.
I also enjoyed the fact that, for once, even though Nicky had a rough upbringing, her time and energy was focused on positive things as opposed to adapting a rebel lifestyle as we often see in novels. Nicky's personality, though a tad annoying, is how I'd imagine someone with the same upbringing be like. With low self-esteem, a fear of commitment and the expectation that everything will always turn for the worse, I feel she is great, believable character.
On the other hand, and main thing that bothered me throughout the novel, Ryan feels very fictitious to me. I can't picture him as being a real person for the simple reason that he seems to have no flaws. Everything about him is perfect. The way he talks, the way he acts, his fame, his fortune, his body - there isn't a flawed hair on this man. He's perfect to the point of getting on my nerves.
I, however, enjoyed Ryan's intensity. He reminded me a bit of a more toned down Guideon Cross form the Crossfire series in the sense that he knows what he wants and will do anything to get it.
Even though Ryan isn't my favourite character, the story itself was an enjoyable one. I had a great time reading it and I can't wait for the sequel.
For more book reviews please visit http://toomanybooktoolittletime.wordp...
Shadow Heart is a Contemporary romance novel about a seventeen year-old girl named Nicky. Raised in a dysfunctional family with an alcoholic father and a mother who seems to have given up on everything, Nicky has learned to cope with her situation by overbooking her days to avoid going home, and focusing on her education. Unlike most girls her age, Nicky has never paid much attention to boys. Of course, all of this changes when she meets Ryan, a dreamy baseball player with a bad reputation.
I very much enjoyed this novel. It was easy to read and although the subjects introduced in this book are very heavy ones, I didn't feel as though they were overwhelming.
I also enjoyed the fact that, for once, even though Nicky had a rough upbringing, her time and energy was focused on positive things as opposed to adapting a rebel lifestyle as we often see in novels. Nicky's personality, though a tad annoying, is how I'd imagine someone with the same upbringing be like. With low self-esteem, a fear of commitment and the expectation that everything will always turn for the worse, I feel she is great, believable character.
On the other hand, and main thing that bothered me throughout the novel, Ryan feels very fictitious to me. I can't picture him as being a real person for the simple reason that he seems to have no flaws. Everything about him is perfect. The way he talks, the way he acts, his fame, his fortune, his body - there isn't a flawed hair on this man. He's perfect to the point of getting on my nerves.
I, however, enjoyed Ryan's intensity. He reminded me a bit of a more toned down Guideon Cross form the Crossfire series in the sense that he knows what he wants and will do anything to get it.
Even though Ryan isn't my favourite character, the story itself was an enjoyable one. I had a great time reading it and I can't wait for the sequel.
For more book reviews please visit http://toomanybooktoolittletime.wordp...
April 5, 2016
San Francisco, CA. Nicky Young (daughter/sister, narrator, HS cheerleader) lived with Mr. Young (dad/husband, alcoholic, abusive, retired US Army, mechanic), Mrs. Young (mom/wife, Juvenile Correctional Officer) & Jenise Young (daughter/sister). The 2 girls were in HS.
Nicky has plans on going to Stanford.
Jenise had been invited to a party. Later she had been gang raped.
Mom took her to the hospital & rape test had been done.
No charges were ever filed.
Jenise got therapy but the trauma would last her a lifetime.
Ryan Tilton S.F. Goliaths, relief pitcher volunteered at the Children’s Hospital & for a homeless shelter program.
Nicky had met him through Alexandria “Alex” Flowers (cheerleader).
Darrell Sweet (S.F. Goliaths baseball team) is her fiancée.
Who is Jerry Stowe?
How will Nickys life turn out?
What would happen to Jenise?
As a retired MSW how many 100’s of times I heard this story. Or as a CASA volunteer the court cases I was involved in.
Warning: This book contains extremely graphic adult content, violence, or expletive language &/or uncensored sexually explicit material which is only suitable for mature readers. It may be offensive to some readers.
I did not receive any type of compensation for reading & reviewing this book. While I receive free books from publishers & authors, I am under no obligation to write a positive review, only an honest one.
A very awesome book cover, great font & writing style. A very well written coming of age romance & family saga book. It was very easy for me to read/follow from start/finish & never a dull moment. There were no grammar/typo errors, nor any repetitive or out of line sequence sentences. Lots of exciting scenarios, with several twists/turns & a great set of unique characters to keep track of. This could also make another great coming of age romance & family saga movie, or a mini TV series. It was OK for me so I will rate it at 4/5 stars.
Thank you for the free Goodreads; MakingConnections; paperback book
Tony Parsons MSW (Washburn)
Nicky has plans on going to Stanford.
Jenise had been invited to a party. Later she had been gang raped.
Mom took her to the hospital & rape test had been done.
No charges were ever filed.
Jenise got therapy but the trauma would last her a lifetime.
Ryan Tilton S.F. Goliaths, relief pitcher volunteered at the Children’s Hospital & for a homeless shelter program.
Nicky had met him through Alexandria “Alex” Flowers (cheerleader).
Darrell Sweet (S.F. Goliaths baseball team) is her fiancée.
Who is Jerry Stowe?
How will Nickys life turn out?
What would happen to Jenise?
As a retired MSW how many 100’s of times I heard this story. Or as a CASA volunteer the court cases I was involved in.
Warning: This book contains extremely graphic adult content, violence, or expletive language &/or uncensored sexually explicit material which is only suitable for mature readers. It may be offensive to some readers.
I did not receive any type of compensation for reading & reviewing this book. While I receive free books from publishers & authors, I am under no obligation to write a positive review, only an honest one.
A very awesome book cover, great font & writing style. A very well written coming of age romance & family saga book. It was very easy for me to read/follow from start/finish & never a dull moment. There were no grammar/typo errors, nor any repetitive or out of line sequence sentences. Lots of exciting scenarios, with several twists/turns & a great set of unique characters to keep track of. This could also make another great coming of age romance & family saga movie, or a mini TV series. It was OK for me so I will rate it at 4/5 stars.
Thank you for the free Goodreads; MakingConnections; paperback book
Tony Parsons MSW (Washburn)
July 9, 2014
Over all, it was a good book with a good plot, etc. I'll read the next book in the series because I want to know where the story goes and I genuinely like the characters and am rooting for them. I only gave it three stars, though, because there were some points where it didnt flow well, was a little jumpy, had too many flashbacks (that I eventually started skipping past because they only reinforced what we already knew about the characters, it didn't add anything to the story, imo). With a great editor that can help with story flow, though, this could be a best selling YA novel; it has all the makings.
May 14, 2014
I won this novel in the First Reads competition here on GoodReads.com. I enjoyed the story. But I did have some problems with it. The majority of the story seemed like the author was trying to work out her own issues through the character Nicky's father's abuse and alcoholism and her sister's rape. There were times in the story were the actions Nicky takes were to forced and did not flow with the character. That's just my opinion though. It was an engaging read and some people out there might like it.
September 29, 2014
I really liked this book. Right from the start it was easy to connect with Nicky. She was likeable and brave surviving in that household, and to know it was based on Taeuffer's life makes it even better. I can't wait to see who Nicky will choose: the sexy sweet professional baseball player (my pick) or her best friend. Book two here I come.
For more reviews, go to my blog bbsbookreviews.com
I received this book from Netgalley for an honest review
For more reviews, go to my blog bbsbookreviews.com
I received this book from Netgalley for an honest review
March 26, 2015
It wasn't exactly what I thought it would be. I just never felt like anyone in the story was really dealing with any of their issues they were just really good at pretending nothing was wrong, I expected more depth when dealing with all these things those two had to go through but it was still a good read!
June 10, 2014
I received the book for free through Goodreads First Reads
Loved reading this story and can not wait for the next one to come out. I for one loved the cliffhanger ending and I'm rooting for Ryan in the next book.
Loved reading this story and can not wait for the next one to come out. I for one loved the cliffhanger ending and I'm rooting for Ryan in the next book.
April 26, 2014
Loved the story and characters, also rooting for Ryan from the star. Really not a fan of cliffhangers, but can't wait to read what happens next! Would have been 5 stars if the next book was available!
April 29, 2014
I am not happy with the ending. Oh wait.... There was no ending. I understand the concept of a serial but the first book must end before the second can be written. This book had potential and I waited to see what would happen. I still don't know. Ugh!
January 17, 2016
A good hearted book. More of a young adult, some text was slightly juvenile. ( not in a bad way, just more from a naive perspective showing realism) . Handled raw emotion tactfully while covering serious issues. Overall an excellent read with romantic discovery story line.
June 4, 2014
loved it... after Nicky was raised by her alcoholic father she has to try and make it in the crazy world... loved it!!!!
April 6, 2018
*I received a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review*
I could not enjoy this book. It is a coming of age story of a 17 year old and her first love while dealing with her alcoholic father. I couldn't like the main character very much after how she treated her sister after the sister was raped. Yes, she was only 12 or so when it happened and didn't have the emotional maturity to deal with it, but hell she just cut her sister out of her life. I could have gotten past that until it got to the love interests. #1) 25/28 year old man, professional baseball player and groomer of 17 year old girls. #2) 17 year old high school boy, tries to push her to have sex on the beach at a party surrounded by people and gets pissed off when she says no....... At that point I was done!
I could not enjoy this book. It is a coming of age story of a 17 year old and her first love while dealing with her alcoholic father. I couldn't like the main character very much after how she treated her sister after the sister was raped. Yes, she was only 12 or so when it happened and didn't have the emotional maturity to deal with it, but hell she just cut her sister out of her life. I could have gotten past that until it got to the love interests. #1) 25/28 year old man, professional baseball player and groomer of 17 year old girls. #2) 17 year old high school boy, tries to push her to have sex on the beach at a party surrounded by people and gets pissed off when she says no....... At that point I was done!
January 22, 2023
There were parts of this book that I did like but there was also a lot that I didn't. The dialogue between characters was very cringe worthy and juvenile. The story is about a high school girl but she is 18 by the end of the story and the way she talks just doesn't fit with how she is described. I like the idea of the novel with the love triangle and how she is moving through life but that's where what I like ends. Additionally be warned that the book does end very abruptly. It is possible that I have just outgrown this type of story as I am now 33 years old but it just wasn't my favorite.
I received a copy via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.
I received a copy via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.
June 12, 2014
** JOSIE'S 4.5 STAR REVIEW **
Shadow Heart by Pamela Taeuffer, is a very emotional and powerful read. When I saw the blurb to this book it caught my eye and my interest peeked, and then I started reading it. I was a complete wreck. The first chapter in this book will blow you away. It will make you cry, feel rage, anger and pain on many levels.
This story is about Nicky, a 17 year old girl who was raised in a tough home. Her father was an alcoholic and abusive, and her mother was mentally removed from the entire situation. Nicky has dealt with her life by overextending herself to keep her days busy so she can stay away from home as much as possible. She works hard in school so she can move away and go to college. Do to her upbringing, she lacks confidence and she does not date and does not pay attention to boys. While at a baseball for her cheer team, Ryan has notices Nicky and sees that she is different, even at age 17 he knows she is the one, and will wait a year to have her for him.
“I know she’s young but I have a suspicion she’s more that her age. I’ve been watching her, and she’s not like the others. At least, since I’ve been looking at her. I’m tired of an empty heart, and I think she could be the one. There’s something about her and I need to find out more.”
“Next year, “I’ll do everything and anything I can to get you to look at me in a way you never have with any man. I want you to spin, even as you try to plant your feet back on the ground.’
“I guess I’m not dainty, petite, or small, and you need to look good, I understand.”
“Nicky when you turn eighteen, I’ll be back in front of you. What I want is to open your eyes to all that could be for us. Save your heart for me, sweet Nicky. Don’t let yourself fall for a high school boy who tells you how much he likes you and wants you. It’s not the same as the way I want you.”
Nicky has a personality of someone who has had a hard upbringing, she was uncertain of life, has a fear of commitment, had trust issues, but she was determined not to let anyone hurt or shatter her heart. Nicky is sweet and caring but since she has not experienced boys or love, she is uncertain of her feelings for Ryan. She does know that he brings out deep thoughts from inside her but she does not know how to deal with it. .
Oh my Gosh, Ryan is an intense character. Ryan is a professional baseball, he has a body, he has money, generous and sweet but he also has a bad reputation leaving broken hearts. He wants Nicky to grow and explore, but with him at her side. Ryan has his own issues but one thing he knows for certain is that he has wanted a girl like Nicky for as long as he can remember. He understands what she has gone through, her in experience and her uncertainty. However he is willing to wait for her as long as it takes to be ready to commit to him. He is amazing he does not just want her for sex (BUT HE DOES WANT THAT TOO) he wants Nicky for him, for more, for life. He knows Nicky feels something strong for him, he just has to push and convince her. Not having Nicky is not an option.
“I’ve been searching for you my all my life. I know you don’t understand how that’s possible, but I also know you have feelings for me that you won’t admit to. When our fingers interlocked, through it all I saw you were receptive. Your body swelled, Nicky. You want ore and so do I. You’re so driven toward a career and college, and you can have that. You don’t have to stay closed off. You don’t have to choose one or the other.”
“I don’t know, I don’t understand how I could have both.”
“Sweetheart, I’ve been waiting so long for you, much longer that you know. I promise to be careful with your feelings and considerate to your feelings. Don’t be afraid. Just give me a chance to show you how I can love you. For once, just let go.”
Ryan is not the only one after Nicky’s heart (but Ryan will be your favorite). Jerry and Nicky have been friends all their lives and he wants a relationship Nicky. They are both the same age, and are both going off to college at the end of summer. Jerry didn’t really have a strong character presence in this book so I am undecided about him, but he is there for Nicky and is blunt about what he wants.
“Nicky, I intend to explore a lot with you this summer. So let’s talk about is this okay?”
“I wish you’d just let go and be my girlfriend. It’s been two weeks since prom, and wouldn’t it be great to go through summer together before we have to get serious with college? You like my kisses don’t you?”
“Yes, I do want more, but I’m not quite ready and I don’t want to ruin our friendship. I’ve seen it happen.”
This was a very enjoyable read, fast paced and had me feeling a mix of emotions. Some of the topics in this book were really deep and tough to read, but it made the story even more interesting and relatable. Alcoholism and child abuse is a tough subject but the author shows how it affects the lives of the abused and how they can move on from that and build a life. There is a sequel to this book, and I cannot wait to get my hands on it, I am interested to see what will happen with Nicky, Ryan and Jerry.
*received a copy from the author in exchange for an honest review*
Shadow Heart by Pamela Taeuffer, is a very emotional and powerful read. When I saw the blurb to this book it caught my eye and my interest peeked, and then I started reading it. I was a complete wreck. The first chapter in this book will blow you away. It will make you cry, feel rage, anger and pain on many levels.
This story is about Nicky, a 17 year old girl who was raised in a tough home. Her father was an alcoholic and abusive, and her mother was mentally removed from the entire situation. Nicky has dealt with her life by overextending herself to keep her days busy so she can stay away from home as much as possible. She works hard in school so she can move away and go to college. Do to her upbringing, she lacks confidence and she does not date and does not pay attention to boys. While at a baseball for her cheer team, Ryan has notices Nicky and sees that she is different, even at age 17 he knows she is the one, and will wait a year to have her for him.
“I know she’s young but I have a suspicion she’s more that her age. I’ve been watching her, and she’s not like the others. At least, since I’ve been looking at her. I’m tired of an empty heart, and I think she could be the one. There’s something about her and I need to find out more.”
“Next year, “I’ll do everything and anything I can to get you to look at me in a way you never have with any man. I want you to spin, even as you try to plant your feet back on the ground.’
“I guess I’m not dainty, petite, or small, and you need to look good, I understand.”
“Nicky when you turn eighteen, I’ll be back in front of you. What I want is to open your eyes to all that could be for us. Save your heart for me, sweet Nicky. Don’t let yourself fall for a high school boy who tells you how much he likes you and wants you. It’s not the same as the way I want you.”
Nicky has a personality of someone who has had a hard upbringing, she was uncertain of life, has a fear of commitment, had trust issues, but she was determined not to let anyone hurt or shatter her heart. Nicky is sweet and caring but since she has not experienced boys or love, she is uncertain of her feelings for Ryan. She does know that he brings out deep thoughts from inside her but she does not know how to deal with it. .
Oh my Gosh, Ryan is an intense character. Ryan is a professional baseball, he has a body, he has money, generous and sweet but he also has a bad reputation leaving broken hearts. He wants Nicky to grow and explore, but with him at her side. Ryan has his own issues but one thing he knows for certain is that he has wanted a girl like Nicky for as long as he can remember. He understands what she has gone through, her in experience and her uncertainty. However he is willing to wait for her as long as it takes to be ready to commit to him. He is amazing he does not just want her for sex (BUT HE DOES WANT THAT TOO) he wants Nicky for him, for more, for life. He knows Nicky feels something strong for him, he just has to push and convince her. Not having Nicky is not an option.
“I’ve been searching for you my all my life. I know you don’t understand how that’s possible, but I also know you have feelings for me that you won’t admit to. When our fingers interlocked, through it all I saw you were receptive. Your body swelled, Nicky. You want ore and so do I. You’re so driven toward a career and college, and you can have that. You don’t have to stay closed off. You don’t have to choose one or the other.”
“I don’t know, I don’t understand how I could have both.”
“Sweetheart, I’ve been waiting so long for you, much longer that you know. I promise to be careful with your feelings and considerate to your feelings. Don’t be afraid. Just give me a chance to show you how I can love you. For once, just let go.”
Ryan is not the only one after Nicky’s heart (but Ryan will be your favorite). Jerry and Nicky have been friends all their lives and he wants a relationship Nicky. They are both the same age, and are both going off to college at the end of summer. Jerry didn’t really have a strong character presence in this book so I am undecided about him, but he is there for Nicky and is blunt about what he wants.
“Nicky, I intend to explore a lot with you this summer. So let’s talk about is this okay?”
“I wish you’d just let go and be my girlfriend. It’s been two weeks since prom, and wouldn’t it be great to go through summer together before we have to get serious with college? You like my kisses don’t you?”
“Yes, I do want more, but I’m not quite ready and I don’t want to ruin our friendship. I’ve seen it happen.”
This was a very enjoyable read, fast paced and had me feeling a mix of emotions. Some of the topics in this book were really deep and tough to read, but it made the story even more interesting and relatable. Alcoholism and child abuse is a tough subject but the author shows how it affects the lives of the abused and how they can move on from that and build a life. There is a sequel to this book, and I cannot wait to get my hands on it, I am interested to see what will happen with Nicky, Ryan and Jerry.
*received a copy from the author in exchange for an honest review*
April 14, 2015
To be honest I might not have given this book a second glance if I hadn't received a promotional email from NetGalley. The romance genre wasn't always one I delved into, but I decided to take a chance to step out of my reading comfort zone and give them a chance when I read that the books were inspired by actual events from the author's life. From the very beginning scene, there was a raw grittiness to the memories of what the main character, Nicky, and her sister, Jenise, went through as children living in a home where alcohol reigned supreme. Not every scene was filled with the turbulence of home life as Nicky navigated the world while carrying the weight of her father's "condition" and wanting to achieve her lifelong goal of leaving the town behind by attending Stanford.
Written in first person point-of-view, the book followed Nicky through the strange, double-sided childhood that she and her sister endured before her junior year of high school. It was easy to understand how she could be such a conflicted character when it came to the way in which the world really worked. Her father was a severe alcoholic that didn't think twice about enforcing his version of discipline when he was drunk. Her mother struggled to work in order to provide for the family, protect her daughters when she was home, and find a way to endure her own hell with the man she married. Since you can't have a romance novel without romance, in walked Ryan Tilton, the ruggedly handsome baseball player, and Jerry, the boy she'd known for her entire childhood. Each of these guys made a dent in her walled-off heart, but Nicky struggled to choose between them. I think that stemmed from the duality of her home life as well because she tried to push them away whenever they attempted to break through the walls she put up around her heart.
A steady pace pushed the story from event to event, making this novel a fairly quick read. Though this was a romance novel, there wasn't an overabundance of sexual scenes. Many times the characters found themselves in compromising positions, but the author didn't cross the boundary into a sex scene. That allowed Nicky to retain her steadfast control on when, where and to whom she would delve into that world. Due to the father's battle with alcohol, or liquid candy as Nicky referred to it, domestic violence was commonplace in their home. Some of these scenes were very hard to read and I wanted to get through them as soon as I possibly could. Not only did these moments make the story darker, but they left lasting marks on the lives of everyone involved and led some down a dark path.
Overall, the book was pretty enjoyable despite the darker scenes that were sprinkled throughout it. The author did a good job balancing the cold, dark truth about growing up with a parent who fought with alcoholism and keeping comedic, light moments in between to lighten the book. At some points the dialogue between Nicky and Ryan seemed a little off to me, mostly from Ryan's side. I could understand why Nicky said and did the things she did, but things he said sometimes distracted me from the story itself. I was glad to read the book and definitely glad I stepped out of my comfort zone. If you're looking for coming of age story with a dash of romance or a book which explores how someone with a dysfunctial childhood finds her footing in the world, this is one series that does those two things and more.
Written in first person point-of-view, the book followed Nicky through the strange, double-sided childhood that she and her sister endured before her junior year of high school. It was easy to understand how she could be such a conflicted character when it came to the way in which the world really worked. Her father was a severe alcoholic that didn't think twice about enforcing his version of discipline when he was drunk. Her mother struggled to work in order to provide for the family, protect her daughters when she was home, and find a way to endure her own hell with the man she married. Since you can't have a romance novel without romance, in walked Ryan Tilton, the ruggedly handsome baseball player, and Jerry, the boy she'd known for her entire childhood. Each of these guys made a dent in her walled-off heart, but Nicky struggled to choose between them. I think that stemmed from the duality of her home life as well because she tried to push them away whenever they attempted to break through the walls she put up around her heart.
A steady pace pushed the story from event to event, making this novel a fairly quick read. Though this was a romance novel, there wasn't an overabundance of sexual scenes. Many times the characters found themselves in compromising positions, but the author didn't cross the boundary into a sex scene. That allowed Nicky to retain her steadfast control on when, where and to whom she would delve into that world. Due to the father's battle with alcohol, or liquid candy as Nicky referred to it, domestic violence was commonplace in their home. Some of these scenes were very hard to read and I wanted to get through them as soon as I possibly could. Not only did these moments make the story darker, but they left lasting marks on the lives of everyone involved and led some down a dark path.
Overall, the book was pretty enjoyable despite the darker scenes that were sprinkled throughout it. The author did a good job balancing the cold, dark truth about growing up with a parent who fought with alcoholism and keeping comedic, light moments in between to lighten the book. At some points the dialogue between Nicky and Ryan seemed a little off to me, mostly from Ryan's side. I could understand why Nicky said and did the things she did, but things he said sometimes distracted me from the story itself. I was glad to read the book and definitely glad I stepped out of my comfort zone. If you're looking for coming of age story with a dash of romance or a book which explores how someone with a dysfunctial childhood finds her footing in the world, this is one series that does those two things and more.
October 10, 2014
Let me start with the trigger issues in this story: addiction, more specifically dealing with an alcoholic parent. Pamela Taeuffer takes a no-holds-barred approach in depicting the outbursts, the uncertainty and the overwhelming sense of ‘walking on eggshells’ that is engendered by this situation. While this is only a part of the story, the effects and reactions to emotion are deeply rooted in Nicky, and while her story is her attempts to break free, the solidity and honesty of her portrayal and personality may be more than some readers are prepared to handle.
That being said – this story brought Nicky to light in ways that were real and honest, showing her desire to move forward while not really being equipped to do so: moving forward from her traumatic and rather unsettling childhood takes years, if not forever. Nothing that has ever come under the heading of ‘love’ has been without pain and disillusionment, so she is understandably afraid of relationships.
Away at school starting her new life, she has friends but keeps everyone at a slight distance, until Ryan. Older, with a career as a baseball player, Ryan offers Nicky a glimpse into safety and security, and he is fun. But, he also has his own issues, and she is concerned that her own naiveté and unfamiliarity with relationships is yet another way for him to ‘manage’ her. Nicky is strong and wanting to be independent, but still longs for a connection that will help to heal her. Fortunately, for the story and for her own growth, she doesn’t dive right into a relationship and not listen to her own misgivings, but she isn’t pushing Ryan away. But then there is Jerry, a friend from high school who wants something more, and is more of a man on the outside.
Frankly this story isn’t concluded in this one book: there is too much growth and change that all of the characters need to experience and share for them to get into a ‘better place’. Nicky is far more capable of growing and changing than I expected, she wants to move forward from her issues and find her new footing. Ryan’s motivations became less clear as the story progressed, his attempts to control and guide Nicky’s choices and options were increasingly heavy-handed, as she started to make decisions it felt as if he was more insecure.
I was more than a bit confused about Jerry – I couldn’t find their connection no matter how I tried, BUT I did find him more compatible with Nicky than what I am seeing with Ryan. I love that Taeuffer added the solidity and honest feel of a life in transition after a life of hardship. There is a ‘rightness’ in the story, not all tied up neatly with a bow, but with questions that readers (and I am sure) the characters themselves have for what is to come.
I received an eBook copy of the title from the publisher for purpose of honest review. I was not compensated for this review: all conclusions are my own responsibility.
That being said – this story brought Nicky to light in ways that were real and honest, showing her desire to move forward while not really being equipped to do so: moving forward from her traumatic and rather unsettling childhood takes years, if not forever. Nothing that has ever come under the heading of ‘love’ has been without pain and disillusionment, so she is understandably afraid of relationships.
Away at school starting her new life, she has friends but keeps everyone at a slight distance, until Ryan. Older, with a career as a baseball player, Ryan offers Nicky a glimpse into safety and security, and he is fun. But, he also has his own issues, and she is concerned that her own naiveté and unfamiliarity with relationships is yet another way for him to ‘manage’ her. Nicky is strong and wanting to be independent, but still longs for a connection that will help to heal her. Fortunately, for the story and for her own growth, she doesn’t dive right into a relationship and not listen to her own misgivings, but she isn’t pushing Ryan away. But then there is Jerry, a friend from high school who wants something more, and is more of a man on the outside.
Frankly this story isn’t concluded in this one book: there is too much growth and change that all of the characters need to experience and share for them to get into a ‘better place’. Nicky is far more capable of growing and changing than I expected, she wants to move forward from her issues and find her new footing. Ryan’s motivations became less clear as the story progressed, his attempts to control and guide Nicky’s choices and options were increasingly heavy-handed, as she started to make decisions it felt as if he was more insecure.
I was more than a bit confused about Jerry – I couldn’t find their connection no matter how I tried, BUT I did find him more compatible with Nicky than what I am seeing with Ryan. I love that Taeuffer added the solidity and honest feel of a life in transition after a life of hardship. There is a ‘rightness’ in the story, not all tied up neatly with a bow, but with questions that readers (and I am sure) the characters themselves have for what is to come.
I received an eBook copy of the title from the publisher for purpose of honest review. I was not compensated for this review: all conclusions are my own responsibility.
September 30, 2014
I received an ARC from the Publisher and NetGalley in exchange for my honest review.
"Shadow Heart" by Pamela Taeuffer is an interesting storyline. The character development was very one dimensional and did not allow for reader attachment to any of the main characters. The story is written in the POV of Nicky. The youngest of 2 girls brought up in an abusive home. The father is an alcoholic and resorts to physical abuse when angered. The mother comes across as uncaring and unemotional. Nicky shows the personality that is typical of children brought up in homes where there is a serious level of abuse, alcoholism and emotional detachment.
Nicky surrounds herself with books, spends all her time on her studies and extra-curricular activities as she grows up. She keeps herself extremely busy so she can avoid having to spend much time at home. She has no interest in having a boyfriend and is afraid of emotional entanglements.
Nicky presents a business proposal to the manager of the Goliath baseball team she proposes that her team cheer at all home games. The proposal is reviewed and presented to all the team members and their wives prior to approval. Everyone is in agreement to give it a try and Nicky's business plan is accepted. When Nicky sees Ryan Tilton she is instantly attracted. Ryan seems to also be very attracted to Nicky.
What I had trouble with is how Nicky, who is suppose to be so naive, suddenly starts having fantasies and sexual thoughts about Ryan. It seems unlikely that someone who is that naive would think and fantasize to this level. It would make more sense that her feelings towards Ryan would confuse and upset her as she would not know or understand what these feelings.
Ryan is Mr. Perfect. No one is that perfect. I kept reading just to see something that would be a BIG negative. The only thing I found disturbing is when he is bribing Nicky to be his girlfriend. "I will help out your family and your friends if you belong to me." What the heck! I thought to myself, "run Nicky, run!" If he is this dominating before they even have a relationship what will he be like when they do?
Nicky suddenly has a best friend named Jerry who conveniently shows up to take her to Prom. Where was Jerry in the first half of the book? I didn't care for Jerry as he seemed too pushy and just wanted to score with her so he could tell his friends he got some.
The book ends suddenly, well it doesn't really, you are just left hanging.. I will be reading the next book in the series as I want to discover if the author has found her writing voice and an ability to make the characters seem more real to me.
All in all, this is a decent and quick read and one I recommend for readers of YA books
"Shadow Heart" by Pamela Taeuffer is an interesting storyline. The character development was very one dimensional and did not allow for reader attachment to any of the main characters. The story is written in the POV of Nicky. The youngest of 2 girls brought up in an abusive home. The father is an alcoholic and resorts to physical abuse when angered. The mother comes across as uncaring and unemotional. Nicky shows the personality that is typical of children brought up in homes where there is a serious level of abuse, alcoholism and emotional detachment.
Nicky surrounds herself with books, spends all her time on her studies and extra-curricular activities as she grows up. She keeps herself extremely busy so she can avoid having to spend much time at home. She has no interest in having a boyfriend and is afraid of emotional entanglements.
Nicky presents a business proposal to the manager of the Goliath baseball team she proposes that her team cheer at all home games. The proposal is reviewed and presented to all the team members and their wives prior to approval. Everyone is in agreement to give it a try and Nicky's business plan is accepted. When Nicky sees Ryan Tilton she is instantly attracted. Ryan seems to also be very attracted to Nicky.
What I had trouble with is how Nicky, who is suppose to be so naive, suddenly starts having fantasies and sexual thoughts about Ryan. It seems unlikely that someone who is that naive would think and fantasize to this level. It would make more sense that her feelings towards Ryan would confuse and upset her as she would not know or understand what these feelings.
Ryan is Mr. Perfect. No one is that perfect. I kept reading just to see something that would be a BIG negative. The only thing I found disturbing is when he is bribing Nicky to be his girlfriend. "I will help out your family and your friends if you belong to me." What the heck! I thought to myself, "run Nicky, run!" If he is this dominating before they even have a relationship what will he be like when they do?
Nicky suddenly has a best friend named Jerry who conveniently shows up to take her to Prom. Where was Jerry in the first half of the book? I didn't care for Jerry as he seemed too pushy and just wanted to score with her so he could tell his friends he got some.
The book ends suddenly, well it doesn't really, you are just left hanging.. I will be reading the next book in the series as I want to discover if the author has found her writing voice and an ability to make the characters seem more real to me.
All in all, this is a decent and quick read and one I recommend for readers of YA books
October 9, 2014
Have you ever had a love/hate relationship with a book? That’s the best way I can describe my relationship with this book! Nicky’s childhood reeked of dysfunction. She knows all about alcoholism, physical abuse, and the cover up of the real-life nightmare. To make matters worse, that’s only the tip of the iceberg. Nicky has worked hard to build up walls to protect herself, and she doesn’t do emotions.
Professional baseball player Ryan Tilton wants to tear down those walls. He’s lived the classic lifestyle of the famous jock, but one look at Nicky changes his course. His reputation makes it all the harder for Nicky to place her trust in him, though.
Then there’s the safe Jerry. He’s her life-long best friend. He’s decided it’s time to take their relationship to another level, and Nicky thinks she might want that, too. She’s starting to feel those natural stirrings and well, Jerry is safe in comparison to Ryan.
The story opens with a brutal scene full of abuse. It’s one powerful scene and I was sucked right into it. The author’s personal experience with alcoholism is painfully apparent as the scenes are so vividly disturbing. You can expect rough scenes with harsh language, tales of abuse, sexual content, and rape. But there are some very inspirational moments that shine through, too.
On the negative side, there were several times that the dialogue seemed unnatural. They would be followed with some very sweet quotes that sucked me right back in. Another negative for me was that Nicky had a little phase where she seemed to change overnight. As I read on, her character seemed to even back out and sense was made of who she was becoming versus who she was. I can’t say I always liked who she was, though. She made some horribly annoying decisions. In the end, she makes sense, though. You understand what has made her the way she is. I have to admit that I immediately followed up this first book with the second. It wasn’t until I finished that book that I really started to understand her character and became more accepting of it.
The book ends on a major cliffhanger. It seems as if you’re in the middle of the book, flip the page, and then nothing. The whole end of the story drove me nuts! I didn’t care for it. Nonetheless, the angst of the story kept me glued throughout. It was a very fast read for me, and despite wanting to reach in and shake Nicky, I couldn’t stop flipping the pages. As I mentioned, I’ve already breezed through the second book in rapid succession. Now I’m looking forward to the third book!
*I received a copy via NetGalley and Open Heart Press in exchange for an honest review.*
Professional baseball player Ryan Tilton wants to tear down those walls. He’s lived the classic lifestyle of the famous jock, but one look at Nicky changes his course. His reputation makes it all the harder for Nicky to place her trust in him, though.
Then there’s the safe Jerry. He’s her life-long best friend. He’s decided it’s time to take their relationship to another level, and Nicky thinks she might want that, too. She’s starting to feel those natural stirrings and well, Jerry is safe in comparison to Ryan.
The story opens with a brutal scene full of abuse. It’s one powerful scene and I was sucked right into it. The author’s personal experience with alcoholism is painfully apparent as the scenes are so vividly disturbing. You can expect rough scenes with harsh language, tales of abuse, sexual content, and rape. But there are some very inspirational moments that shine through, too.
On the negative side, there were several times that the dialogue seemed unnatural. They would be followed with some very sweet quotes that sucked me right back in. Another negative for me was that Nicky had a little phase where she seemed to change overnight. As I read on, her character seemed to even back out and sense was made of who she was becoming versus who she was. I can’t say I always liked who she was, though. She made some horribly annoying decisions. In the end, she makes sense, though. You understand what has made her the way she is. I have to admit that I immediately followed up this first book with the second. It wasn’t until I finished that book that I really started to understand her character and became more accepting of it.
The book ends on a major cliffhanger. It seems as if you’re in the middle of the book, flip the page, and then nothing. The whole end of the story drove me nuts! I didn’t care for it. Nonetheless, the angst of the story kept me glued throughout. It was a very fast read for me, and despite wanting to reach in and shake Nicky, I couldn’t stop flipping the pages. As I mentioned, I’ve already breezed through the second book in rapid succession. Now I’m looking forward to the third book!
*I received a copy via NetGalley and Open Heart Press in exchange for an honest review.*
October 16, 2014
I struggled to get into this story initially and that may be because from the offset as a reader you are thrown into a horrendous situation of a memory that Nicky, the lead in this story, has from her childhood as the child of an often physically abusive alcoholic father. We find young Nicky at 8 years old hiding from her father as he beats on her older sister and praying that he doesn’t find her as she will be next, just heartbreaking reading made all the more so when you realise these books are written from a personal perspective by the author of her childhood. Yet before you realise it you are caught up in Nicky’s story.
The story jumps to a 17 year old Nicky a recent high school graduate, who on the surface seems well adjusted despite her childhood, chasing her dream of studying at Stanford. As part of that plan she has put together a project to bring a group of her friends together to act as a Cheer Team for her local baseball team. What you soon realise though is that Nicky is still hiding, still scared and desperate to escape her unhappy home life. Stanford is the ticket to a new life so Nicky is involved in as many projects as she can be to ensure she gets that chance. And it is yet another wall to hide behind to keep her protected and an excuse not to date anyone. The story runs along with sudden flashbacks of bad childhood memories triggered by events and conversations that all add up to show why Nicky is so closed off.
As you can imagine being around a baseball team means Nicky catches the eye of a team member but with a reputation of being a player with the ladies too along with being older than Nicky’s underage 17 years Ryan Tilton has to play the long game and it seems he is prepared to. The two strike up a friendship based around volunteering that is littered with flirting and innuendos but Ryan knows Nicky is out of bounds and promises once she turns 18 he will be ready to pursue her. Nicky has also caught the eye of her childhood friend, safe fellow virgin teen Jerry, her prom date and Nicky is caught between learning about herself while thinking about the two men interested in her and slowly her walls begin to fall. Following her birthday Ryan is back to pursue Nicky and he comes out all guns blazing and Nicky is swept away with the pursuit of the two men and somewhat of a triangle forms but all these two seem to want from Nicky is sex, while Nicky seems to be testing them to the edge.
The story cuts off quite suddenly leaving you as a reader wondering what the hell I need to know what occurs here and who Nicky will choose if any.
The story jumps to a 17 year old Nicky a recent high school graduate, who on the surface seems well adjusted despite her childhood, chasing her dream of studying at Stanford. As part of that plan she has put together a project to bring a group of her friends together to act as a Cheer Team for her local baseball team. What you soon realise though is that Nicky is still hiding, still scared and desperate to escape her unhappy home life. Stanford is the ticket to a new life so Nicky is involved in as many projects as she can be to ensure she gets that chance. And it is yet another wall to hide behind to keep her protected and an excuse not to date anyone. The story runs along with sudden flashbacks of bad childhood memories triggered by events and conversations that all add up to show why Nicky is so closed off.
As you can imagine being around a baseball team means Nicky catches the eye of a team member but with a reputation of being a player with the ladies too along with being older than Nicky’s underage 17 years Ryan Tilton has to play the long game and it seems he is prepared to. The two strike up a friendship based around volunteering that is littered with flirting and innuendos but Ryan knows Nicky is out of bounds and promises once she turns 18 he will be ready to pursue her. Nicky has also caught the eye of her childhood friend, safe fellow virgin teen Jerry, her prom date and Nicky is caught between learning about herself while thinking about the two men interested in her and slowly her walls begin to fall. Following her birthday Ryan is back to pursue Nicky and he comes out all guns blazing and Nicky is swept away with the pursuit of the two men and somewhat of a triangle forms but all these two seem to want from Nicky is sex, while Nicky seems to be testing them to the edge.
The story cuts off quite suddenly leaving you as a reader wondering what the hell I need to know what occurs here and who Nicky will choose if any.
October 7, 2014
Nicky Young has planned her life out carefully in order to leave home once she graduates high school. Having grown up with a father that was an abusive alcoholic and a mother that has turned a blind eye the majority of the time, she’s worked hard to keep a high GPA, volunteered at numerous places and has not had a single boyfriend for her entire life. She doesn’t want anything to get in the way of her dream to attend Sanford University.
After meeting ball player Ryan Tilton some of that changed. He confesses his feelings for her but he’s 25 and she’s 17 so he tells her that he will be back when she’s 18 and asks that she wait for him. During that year, she also started having feelings for her childhood friend Jerry. She starts feeling things that she’s never felt before and knows that she needs to choose between the childhood friend that she’s known her whole life or the sexy ball player that can’t stop thinking about.
This book was almost painful to read. To me the writing wasn’t great at all and sometimes almost childish. I couldn’t connect with Ryan at all and hated the sexual innuendos that he talked to her about the first time that they went to the veterans hospital. I also hated the way that he used the things that he could do for Nicky and her family in order to get her to date him. Then there is the way that he continued to push her into having sex with him. He’s a 26 year old ball player that has been around and she is a 18 year old girl that has never had a boyfriend. The list goes on and on…
As for Nicky, I didn’t really connect with her either, For someone that had no experience in boys or men, that didn’t seem to stop her from playing the field between Jerry and Ryan. The real kicker though was a comment that she thought when she was having a conversation with her dad. I’m not going to quote it since I am reviewing from an ARC and it could be deleted but that one thought made me lose all respect for her. This book doesn’t really have an ending, it just ends. Since I have already been given and ARC the next book in the series called Fire Heart, I will read it but otherwise I more than likely wouldn’t bother.
I was given an ARC from Open Heart Press through Netgalley in return for an honest review.
After meeting ball player Ryan Tilton some of that changed. He confesses his feelings for her but he’s 25 and she’s 17 so he tells her that he will be back when she’s 18 and asks that she wait for him. During that year, she also started having feelings for her childhood friend Jerry. She starts feeling things that she’s never felt before and knows that she needs to choose between the childhood friend that she’s known her whole life or the sexy ball player that can’t stop thinking about.
This book was almost painful to read. To me the writing wasn’t great at all and sometimes almost childish. I couldn’t connect with Ryan at all and hated the sexual innuendos that he talked to her about the first time that they went to the veterans hospital. I also hated the way that he used the things that he could do for Nicky and her family in order to get her to date him. Then there is the way that he continued to push her into having sex with him. He’s a 26 year old ball player that has been around and she is a 18 year old girl that has never had a boyfriend. The list goes on and on…
As for Nicky, I didn’t really connect with her either, For someone that had no experience in boys or men, that didn’t seem to stop her from playing the field between Jerry and Ryan. The real kicker though was a comment that she thought when she was having a conversation with her dad. I’m not going to quote it since I am reviewing from an ARC and it could be deleted but that one thought made me lose all respect for her. This book doesn’t really have an ending, it just ends. Since I have already been given and ARC the next book in the series called Fire Heart, I will read it but otherwise I more than likely wouldn’t bother.
I was given an ARC from Open Heart Press through Netgalley in return for an honest review.
June 10, 2017
*I received this book in a goodreads first-reads giveaway.
I found the descriptions of growing up with an alcoholic parent quite accurate and probably would have preferred more flashbacks to Nicky and Jenise's childhood. I think more should also have been said about Jenise being raped as it was kind of just skimmed over, even though it was obviously a major event. The idea of having Nicky as emotionally detached is good, as this would be likely in such a situation. However, I don't think this was followed through properly. Although we see that Nicky indeed keeps herself busy with schoolwork and extracurricular activity, she does not otherwise fit the emotionally detached description very well. Nicky pretty much pours out her feelings when she talks, which an emotionally detached person wouldn't do. I also find it difficult to believe that an emotionally detached person would feel so comfortable discussing sex and becoming suddenly intimate with one, let alone 2 boys/men. However, I do understand
the point the author was trying to make - that Nicky couldn't commit emotionally to one person. But her "two-timing" made her unlikeable, especially when Ryan was (kind of) sweet to her and especially when she had just spent time with Ryan and seemed completely smitten with him., only to go and make out with Jerry hours later.
Both her beaus were also pretty unlikeable at times. If more was written about Nicky and Jerry's childhood together, he may have been more likeable, but we only really saw him as pushing her into a relationship and trying to score to look good for his mates. And Ryan could be overbearingly
sweet sometimes and overly controlling and pushy at other times.
I also thought all the dialogue (not just Nicky's) was pretty unrealistic. People (at least all those I know) don't really just say exactly what they're feeling. However I did enjoy reading Nicky's (few)
unsaid and often humorous thoughts in italics beneath her dialogue.
In saying all this, the book was still easy to read and enjoyable- not one of those books that you have to really force yourself to finish, but I do think it could have been better. I also didn't particularly like the ending/non-ending, though I do understand why it was written this way.
I found the descriptions of growing up with an alcoholic parent quite accurate and probably would have preferred more flashbacks to Nicky and Jenise's childhood. I think more should also have been said about Jenise being raped as it was kind of just skimmed over, even though it was obviously a major event. The idea of having Nicky as emotionally detached is good, as this would be likely in such a situation. However, I don't think this was followed through properly. Although we see that Nicky indeed keeps herself busy with schoolwork and extracurricular activity, she does not otherwise fit the emotionally detached description very well. Nicky pretty much pours out her feelings when she talks, which an emotionally detached person wouldn't do. I also find it difficult to believe that an emotionally detached person would feel so comfortable discussing sex and becoming suddenly intimate with one, let alone 2 boys/men. However, I do understand
the point the author was trying to make - that Nicky couldn't commit emotionally to one person. But her "two-timing" made her unlikeable, especially when Ryan was (kind of) sweet to her and especially when she had just spent time with Ryan and seemed completely smitten with him., only to go and make out with Jerry hours later.
Both her beaus were also pretty unlikeable at times. If more was written about Nicky and Jerry's childhood together, he may have been more likeable, but we only really saw him as pushing her into a relationship and trying to score to look good for his mates. And Ryan could be overbearingly
sweet sometimes and overly controlling and pushy at other times.
I also thought all the dialogue (not just Nicky's) was pretty unrealistic. People (at least all those I know) don't really just say exactly what they're feeling. However I did enjoy reading Nicky's (few)
unsaid and often humorous thoughts in italics beneath her dialogue.
In saying all this, the book was still easy to read and enjoyable- not one of those books that you have to really force yourself to finish, but I do think it could have been better. I also didn't particularly like the ending/non-ending, though I do understand why it was written this way.
March 11, 2015
I expected a certain amount of pleasure from this book, as we all do when we first get a book, or see the cover, or read the blurb. We predict a level of enjoyment we'll get. We see it and say, "Yeah, I think I'll like this book." Perhaps "That book isn't for me."
When I saw this book, I expected to like it. What I didn't expect was just how much I liked it, how it was pleasantly surprising to discover that not only is the story one that captures, but that Pamela Taeuffer wields words like daggers that cut deep and make us feel things that we didn't know we could feel. It was extraordinary.
At first I wasn't too sure about it-- to be fair, I felt the relationship was a little shady at first, between Nicky and Ryan. But as their interaction develops, I felt myself growing more open to it, feeling it for a budding, youthful, changing love that we don't always get a chance to feel. It blossomed and became something more than just words on the page, and I became invested in their intricacies, if that makes sense.
On top of this contemporary romance, the discussion of her abusive father and mentally absent mother and abused and assaulted sister were vivid to the point that I was cringing and hugging myself. They were written in just the way to get you to understand Nicky Young all the better. I felt for her, and my heart reached out to her. The cover of this book says it "Pushes the Boundaries of the Heart", and I feel that it not only did that with Nicky and Ryan, but broke the boundary between book and reader with such ease that I forgot for just a moment that Nicky wasn't someone I knew in real life. I was so pleased with the poetry of Ms. Taeuffer's words. What a delightful book, and that's saying a lot, given that I'm not normally one taken to this sort of romance. Pretty great though :)
I got this book for free from GoodReads First Reads.
When I saw this book, I expected to like it. What I didn't expect was just how much I liked it, how it was pleasantly surprising to discover that not only is the story one that captures, but that Pamela Taeuffer wields words like daggers that cut deep and make us feel things that we didn't know we could feel. It was extraordinary.
At first I wasn't too sure about it-- to be fair, I felt the relationship was a little shady at first, between Nicky and Ryan. But as their interaction develops, I felt myself growing more open to it, feeling it for a budding, youthful, changing love that we don't always get a chance to feel. It blossomed and became something more than just words on the page, and I became invested in their intricacies, if that makes sense.
On top of this contemporary romance, the discussion of her abusive father and mentally absent mother and abused and assaulted sister were vivid to the point that I was cringing and hugging myself. They were written in just the way to get you to understand Nicky Young all the better. I felt for her, and my heart reached out to her. The cover of this book says it "Pushes the Boundaries of the Heart", and I feel that it not only did that with Nicky and Ryan, but broke the boundary between book and reader with such ease that I forgot for just a moment that Nicky wasn't someone I knew in real life. I was so pleased with the poetry of Ms. Taeuffer's words. What a delightful book, and that's saying a lot, given that I'm not normally one taken to this sort of romance. Pretty great though :)
I got this book for free from GoodReads First Reads.
November 26, 2014
I'm extremely torn when it comes to this book. In the beginning of the book I was hooked. The book started out great but a little over half way through it hit a major snag for me. A character was introduced as a best friend, someone that had grown up with Nicky, shared similar problems, and everything like that. However, this is the first this person is mentioned, and as a love interest. When one is already established, the one who is mentioned in the book blurb. The only one of the two that is. Nicky kind of ends up playing both of the guys, and this was a major killer of the book for me.
I really just don't like it. It could be the fact that girls like this drive me up the wall, it could be the fact that it seems like way too much overkill, or the fact that she doesn't have the decency to choose even after one of them lays out everything he's feeling, and she reciprocates. I'll just leave it at this because I will continue to rant if I don't.
The positives: The characters. Nicky is a great character who grew up in one of the worst possible home environments, she's still incredibly strong, and devoted to her goals. Love is hard for her and it's perfectly understandable her concept of trust is completely shattered. Then there is Ryan, who is this amazing ball player who is recovering from an injury. He lost his family at a young age, and is determined to find love instead of the different girls every night routine.
I really hope to learn more about Nicky's family in the next book.
This book gave amazing visuals and details into a world that is hidden to all but those who live in it. The world of alcoholism, where alcohol is more important then everything even your family. Something that is a sad but all far true for way too many people.
I received this book compliments of NetGalley in exchange for my free and honest review.
I really just don't like it. It could be the fact that girls like this drive me up the wall, it could be the fact that it seems like way too much overkill, or the fact that she doesn't have the decency to choose even after one of them lays out everything he's feeling, and she reciprocates. I'll just leave it at this because I will continue to rant if I don't.
The positives: The characters. Nicky is a great character who grew up in one of the worst possible home environments, she's still incredibly strong, and devoted to her goals. Love is hard for her and it's perfectly understandable her concept of trust is completely shattered. Then there is Ryan, who is this amazing ball player who is recovering from an injury. He lost his family at a young age, and is determined to find love instead of the different girls every night routine.
I really hope to learn more about Nicky's family in the next book.
This book gave amazing visuals and details into a world that is hidden to all but those who live in it. The world of alcoholism, where alcohol is more important then everything even your family. Something that is a sad but all far true for way too many people.
I received this book compliments of NetGalley in exchange for my free and honest review.
February 24, 2015
3.5 stars
A coming-of-age romance between an eighteen year old girl from a dysfunctional family and a twenty-six year old pro baseball player sounds like an accident waiting to happen but Pamela Taeuffer pulls it off...sort of. This is the first in a series about Nicky and Ryan after all. I will have to read the others to find out the full story and if they make it. I kept waiting for the 'ewww' factor that never came. "Shadow Heart" was a sweet romance that also dealt with the trauma of alcoholism and the fallout that had within a family, not only for the one afflicted but for all the family members.
At times I loved Nicky. Her sweet innocence and vulnerability were enchanting. I admired her drive and strength in the face of her father's addition and her dysfunctional family. At other times I just wanted to shake her. She was a confusing mix of mature-for-her-age little girl and aren't-you-too-old-for-this-nonsense young woman. Her advance then retreat with Ryan and Jerry was a sweet tease at first. But it soon became irritating to watch her indecisiveness. I get why she was afraid to commit to Ryan. The agony of living with an addicted family member - not to mention one who is supposed to take care of you - has got to weigh on you greatly and color all of your decisions and cause you to make choices in order to protect yourself. Ryan was a dream - almost too good to be true. I can't wait for round two in Fire Heart to see if he stays true to his character and to Nicky. Jerry, her childhood friend, seemed equally qualified as prime boyfriend material. Tough choice. Good read.
A coming-of-age romance between an eighteen year old girl from a dysfunctional family and a twenty-six year old pro baseball player sounds like an accident waiting to happen but Pamela Taeuffer pulls it off...sort of. This is the first in a series about Nicky and Ryan after all. I will have to read the others to find out the full story and if they make it. I kept waiting for the 'ewww' factor that never came. "Shadow Heart" was a sweet romance that also dealt with the trauma of alcoholism and the fallout that had within a family, not only for the one afflicted but for all the family members.
At times I loved Nicky. Her sweet innocence and vulnerability were enchanting. I admired her drive and strength in the face of her father's addition and her dysfunctional family. At other times I just wanted to shake her. She was a confusing mix of mature-for-her-age little girl and aren't-you-too-old-for-this-nonsense young woman. Her advance then retreat with Ryan and Jerry was a sweet tease at first. But it soon became irritating to watch her indecisiveness. I get why she was afraid to commit to Ryan. The agony of living with an addicted family member - not to mention one who is supposed to take care of you - has got to weigh on you greatly and color all of your decisions and cause you to make choices in order to protect yourself. Ryan was a dream - almost too good to be true. I can't wait for round two in Fire Heart to see if he stays true to his character and to Nicky. Jerry, her childhood friend, seemed equally qualified as prime boyfriend material. Tough choice. Good read.
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