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Total Forgiveness
R.T. Kendall has given us a treasure…the hope and possibility of experiencing incredible freedom and peace that can only come when we walk in total forgiveness.
One of the core messages of the gospel is that of total forgiveness…not only that we can be totally forgiven by God, but also that we must, in turn, totally forgive others. Our culture is bound up in bitterness, resentment, and wallowing in wounds inflicted upon us by others, wounds that we all too easily accept and even cling to!
This revised and updated best seller lovingly challenges believers to look within and root out those hidden and hardened places where subtle resentments and areas of un-forgiveness have been allowed to remain.
224 pages, Paperback
First published April 1, 2001
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 210 reviews
June 30, 2024
Finished this book last night and actually got to listen to R.T. preach at my church this morning!
I’m willing to make the blanket statement that this is a book for every single Christian to read. I believe this biblical teaching on total forgiveness can flip the world on its head if put into practice.
“I believe we are talking about the highest level of spirituality that exists. This is as good as it gets. Totally forgiving an enemy is as spectacular as any miracle. No one may even know, though. You quietly intercede for them in solitude. Only God, the angels and the devil know.”
I’m willing to make the blanket statement that this is a book for every single Christian to read. I believe this biblical teaching on total forgiveness can flip the world on its head if put into practice.
“I believe we are talking about the highest level of spirituality that exists. This is as good as it gets. Totally forgiving an enemy is as spectacular as any miracle. No one may even know, though. You quietly intercede for them in solitude. Only God, the angels and the devil know.”
February 22, 2015
This booked saved my relationship with my mom. If you are bitter and hate someone....read this!! READ THE WHOLE THING!
August 2, 2011
A great study book at any time but especially for the Lenten season. Forgiveness is divine, but it must flow not only from God to self, but continue to flow from self to others. Many of us concentrate on forgiveness from God, but neglect the forgiveness of sins against us. Kendall encourages self examination of our unforgiveness, and provides guidance along a journey toward healing that spiritual wound.
February 6, 2024
Edit: the more I’ve reflected on this, the more I realise 2 stars isn’t harsh and honestly could go with 1 lol. He really twisted some scripture just to prove his point and I really don’t agree with that !!!
2 stars felt harsh so we’ll go with 3.
It wasn’t all terrible and there are definitely lots of wee helpful bits in there but there were also quite a few points I extremely disagreed with ! It also didn’t have much depth, like he spoke about as if some situations are black and white and this is how you forgive. I need more examples of complex situations pls !!
I also really didn’t love how much emphasis was on Jospeh as if Jospeh was Jesus ?? Man wasn’t perfect !
2 stars felt harsh so we’ll go with 3.
It wasn’t all terrible and there are definitely lots of wee helpful bits in there but there were also quite a few points I extremely disagreed with ! It also didn’t have much depth, like he spoke about as if some situations are black and white and this is how you forgive. I need more examples of complex situations pls !!
I also really didn’t love how much emphasis was on Jospeh as if Jospeh was Jesus ?? Man wasn’t perfect !
May 11, 2020
A challenging book to read; insightful and provides a clear and concise description of what "total forgiveness" looks like and what it doesn't.
February 6, 2024
I really liked some of the points made in this book, it is a vital subject for the Christian church in modern times especially. Forgiveness is an area we all need as much help as we can get in, even in regards to ourselves. The book is pretty comprehensive and detailed and mostly pulls in sound scriptural references and zeroes in on the need for love and compassion towards ourselves and others in this area. But I had to downgrade this book on a few fundamental issues that I strongly disagreed with.
The author stated over and over again that true forgiveness means praying that those who hurt you are blessed and are not punished by God for their sin. This is not scriptural - that is, it is taken out of context. To bless those who curse you means to speak well of them, not to necessarily pray they're going to prosper in some way. When Jesus said to not judge others, the Greek root word meant to not criticise or condemn, it did not mean to not deal with the sinful behaviour of others. True forgiveness is letting go and relinquishing the need for revenge and all the anger and bitterness towards that person - but it is unloving to both you and them (for the sake of their spiritual health and yours) to pretend the wrong did not happen or to not deal with it, or worse, to just pray that their sin will be brushed under the carpet. Galatians 6 tells us we have to deal with the sins of our brothers and sisters in a spirit of gentleness, being careful lest we also are tempted.
I believe God wants us to leave any need for justice in His hands - vengeance belongs to Him and He promises to repay. He also promises that what we reap we sow, and that He will not be mocked in this. God would not be true to His word if there were not consequences for sin - but of course, if we are born again and confess our sins to Him, He is faithful and just to forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. We are set free from eternal consequences, but also told that whom the Lord loves He chastens. We forgive those who hurt us by being loving towards them, letting go of our anger, and leaving the need for justice in God's hands. I don't believe God desires us to pray for them to be blessed as such, as part of forgiveness, other than that they may turn from their sin here on earth and also be spared from eternal damnation.
I also did not like the very religious, often harsh tone of the book, which lacked compassion for the readership, most of whom have probably been very badly hurt if they're needing to buy a book about forgiveness in the first place. It's not a bad book but I think it needs to work on gentleness and contextual accuracy.
The author stated over and over again that true forgiveness means praying that those who hurt you are blessed and are not punished by God for their sin. This is not scriptural - that is, it is taken out of context. To bless those who curse you means to speak well of them, not to necessarily pray they're going to prosper in some way. When Jesus said to not judge others, the Greek root word meant to not criticise or condemn, it did not mean to not deal with the sinful behaviour of others. True forgiveness is letting go and relinquishing the need for revenge and all the anger and bitterness towards that person - but it is unloving to both you and them (for the sake of their spiritual health and yours) to pretend the wrong did not happen or to not deal with it, or worse, to just pray that their sin will be brushed under the carpet. Galatians 6 tells us we have to deal with the sins of our brothers and sisters in a spirit of gentleness, being careful lest we also are tempted.
I believe God wants us to leave any need for justice in His hands - vengeance belongs to Him and He promises to repay. He also promises that what we reap we sow, and that He will not be mocked in this. God would not be true to His word if there were not consequences for sin - but of course, if we are born again and confess our sins to Him, He is faithful and just to forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. We are set free from eternal consequences, but also told that whom the Lord loves He chastens. We forgive those who hurt us by being loving towards them, letting go of our anger, and leaving the need for justice in God's hands. I don't believe God desires us to pray for them to be blessed as such, as part of forgiveness, other than that they may turn from their sin here on earth and also be spared from eternal damnation.
I also did not like the very religious, often harsh tone of the book, which lacked compassion for the readership, most of whom have probably been very badly hurt if they're needing to buy a book about forgiveness in the first place. It's not a bad book but I think it needs to work on gentleness and contextual accuracy.
April 15, 2024
This is by far one of the best books I have ever read.
not just for the subject matter, but for the full and complete explanation of what unforgiveness is and what the benefits of forgiveness are. It gives practical easy and doable steps to overcome the unforgiveness that haunts only the person who holds it, I recommend this book to every single Christian who is able to read from grade school to the senior citizens
not just for the subject matter, but for the full and complete explanation of what unforgiveness is and what the benefits of forgiveness are. It gives practical easy and doable steps to overcome the unforgiveness that haunts only the person who holds it, I recommend this book to every single Christian who is able to read from grade school to the senior citizens
March 9, 2021
Enjoyed this book. I find RT Kendall an easy read. If we only applied the principles of this book to our hearts ands lives we’d be changed people and more affected for God.. I definitely would recommend it. 👍🏻
June 27, 2020
Read it - finally, what a journey! It changed me. I shall refer back to it many times, I'm sure. It teaches many lessons few easy to learn!
September 7, 2022
An amazing book with scriptural support... a lot of basic outline material if you ever need to teach on the subject. A "must have" for your bookcase even if you don't need it right now
July 26, 2026
Every Christian needs to read this. We all have someone we need to forgive or will need to forgive at some point in our lives. Whether the offense is big or small, the offender dead or alive, this book will offer practical, biblical advice on how to forgive.
March 25, 2019
More like total crap.
March 3, 2024
If you haven’t read this, you should ask yourself… “What am I waiting for?”…. The only winner here is you.
Love this and love RT!
Love this and love RT!
September 13, 2025
Highly convicting. Will be using these principles and tactics in my life.
May 18, 2026
Amazing book! Such a fresh perspective on one of the most important topics in the Christian faith and life, forgiveness. I will totally read it again.
September 22, 2025
Reading this book will likely hurt. If you are one of the lucky few who can look back on your life without a hint of resentment or the slightest memory of the pain inflicted on you by someone else, this book isn’t for you. However, for the rest of us who have to live on planet Earth and know what it is to have been hurt by someone, this book is worth the time you’ll spend on every page. The deeper you have experienced this type of pain inflicted your life, the stronger I urge you to read this book.
This book is only 7 chapters in length, but I needed to take my time walking through it. As I read, I was confronted with hurts and betrayals I thought I had long ago put behind me. I found that I have only been ignoring them instead of actually getting to the business of healing. Much like every wound must be sterilized and cleaned before true healing can begin, learning to totally forgive must happen before spiritual and emotional healing can truly take place. This won’t be easy. It stings at first as bad as sterilizing a festering wound with rubbing alcohol. But if you are tired of wandering in the same desert, if you are tired of learning how to cope through the pain, if you want to know what it is to truly be free, this book will help you on those first crucial steps.
This book is only 7 chapters in length, but I needed to take my time walking through it. As I read, I was confronted with hurts and betrayals I thought I had long ago put behind me. I found that I have only been ignoring them instead of actually getting to the business of healing. Much like every wound must be sterilized and cleaned before true healing can begin, learning to totally forgive must happen before spiritual and emotional healing can truly take place. This won’t be easy. It stings at first as bad as sterilizing a festering wound with rubbing alcohol. But if you are tired of wandering in the same desert, if you are tired of learning how to cope through the pain, if you want to know what it is to truly be free, this book will help you on those first crucial steps.
October 11, 2022
A “Must-Read” on the Topic of Forgiveness
By far the best book on forgiveness I have ever read.
~ Dr. MaryAnn Diorio, Author of The Italian Chronicles Trilogy
By far the best book on forgiveness I have ever read.
~ Dr. MaryAnn Diorio, Author of The Italian Chronicles Trilogy
May 28, 2025
absolutely a must read. I didn't understand the depth of Christ's forgiveness or the meaning of it until this book
March 26, 2023
Incredible and well written. Will revisit this this book
September 28, 2026
143. Total Forgiveness — by R. T. Kendall
When we are bitter, we delude ourselves into thinking that those who hurt us are more likely to be punished as long as we remain set on revenge. We only hurt ourselves when we dwell on what has happened to us and fantasize about what it will be like when “they” get punished. Most of all, we grieve the Holy Spirit of God, and this is why we lose our sense of peace.
The person who gains the most from forgiveness is the person who does the forgiving. The ultimate proof of total forgiveness takes place when we sincerely petition the Father to let those who have hurt us off the hook—even if they have hurt not only us but also those close to us.
It is so “unnatural” for a person to forgive those who have hurt them and to desire reconciliation that there is no greater testimony to the lost. What impresses the world most is changed lives for which there is no natural explanation.
Totally forgiving someone doesn’t necessarily mean we will want to spend our vacation with them, but it does mean that we release the bitterness in our hearts concerning what they have done. Total forgiveness does not mean closing our eyes to those who will continue to harm others.
Just as God forgives people without approving of their sin, we must also learn that forgiving people does not imply an endorsement of their evil deeds. It takes two to reconcile, and there must be a total willingness on both sides. Reconciliation doesn’t truly take place until both parties agree.
True forgiveness can only be offered after we have come to terms with reality, when we can admit, “This person actually did or said this to me.” True forgiveness of a wrong does not pretend that no wrong occurred. Sometimes the people we admire the most can do the most hurtful things to us. And it is of no value to pretend we didn’t see it happen.
Love doesn’t erase our memories. It is actually a demonstration of greater grace when we are fully aware of what occurred and still choose to forgive. The greater victory for the one who does the forgiving is to face up to the seriousness—even the wickedness—of what happened and still forgive.
Total forgiveness is painful. It hurts when we kiss revenge goodbye. Total forgiveness is a choice. It is not a feeling—at least not at first—but rather an act of the will. Love is also a choice. If we harbor the desire to see our enemies punished, we will eventually lose the anointing of the Spirit.
Total forgiveness is refusing to punish. If punishment is our motive, we are about to grieve the Holy Spirit, however much right may be on our side. Graciousness is shown by what you don’t say, even if what you could say would be true.
Total forgiveness sometimes means overlooking what you perceive to be the truth and not letting on about anything that could damage another person. Relinquishing bitterness is an open invitation for the Holy Spirit to give you His peace, His joy, and the knowledge of His will.
Although we often do not see it at first, all of our bitterness is ultimately traceable to a resentment of God. There is no lasting joy in forgiveness if it doesn’t include forgiving yourself.
Delays can actually be part of God’s purpose; seemingly unanswered prayer can be as much a part of God’s will as answered prayer. If people are afraid of us, we may fancy that they are receiving a bit of punishment—which is what we want if we are not walking in forgiveness.
Those of us who send people on guilt trips almost certainly have a big problem ourselves with a sense of guilt. Forgiveness is worthless to us emotionally if we cannot forgive ourselves. It certainly isn’t total forgiveness unless we forgive ourselves as well as others.
When we truly see ourselves as we are, we will recognize that we are just as capable of committing any sin as anyone else. Sin that is under the blood of our sovereign Redeemer does not need to be confessed to anyone but God.
Total forgiveness is a lifelong commitment, and you may need to practice it every single day of your life until you die. No one said it would be easy. Total forgiveness involves an additional element: praying for God’s blessings to rain on the lives of your offenders.
We have hurt God, and we want to be let off the hook; people have hurt us, and we must let them off the hook. Not only do we need daily forgiveness as much as we need daily bread, but we also need to pray daily that we have the grace to forgive others as a lifelong commitment.
Unless we are walking in a state of forgiveness toward others, we cannot be in an intimate relationship with God. One way we walk in darkness is by holding bitterness in our hearts toward others—bitterness that creates confusion in our minds and oppression in our hearts. If we claim to have fellowship with God but walk in darkness, we lie.
The greater the sin you must forgive, the greater the measure of the Spirit that will come to you. Welcome the opportunity to forgive the deepest hurt and the greatest injustice, and remember that a greater anointing is waiting for you.
Although we know we are saved by grace alone, there remain consequences if we choose to walk in unforgiveness. Some aspects of our relationship with God are unchangeable, but others are affected by the things that we do. Totally forgiving another person is an achievable act. It can be done, and it is something you and I must keep doing.
If you choose to withhold forgiveness from others, you are not putting a high enough value on things today that one day will mean everything to you. Your relationship with the Holy Spirit should be one of the top priorities in your life. When the Holy Spirit is grieved, it causes a distortion in our thinking.
A refusal to forgive means that God stands back and lets you cope with your problems in your own strength. Bearing a grudge and trying to punish and get even will cut off your anointing. The loss will become apparent sooner or later—unless you choose to forgive and forgive totally. When you will not forgive, the anointing God may have given you is lifted, and you will become like an empty shell.
You may be pointing your finger and speaking words of truth, but you may unwittingly be an instrument of the devil as you speak. If you don’t like being judged yourself, then stop judging other people. The true test of spirituality is being able not to point the finger. God doesn’t always wait for the final judgment to begin disciplining His children.
When we lose our objectivity, we render ourselves incapable of passing judgment on another person. The planks in our eyes cause poor eyesight; they magnify the specks of dust in others while simultaneously blinding us to our own faults. The principles of total forgiveness should enable us to make friends, not lose them.
When we totally forgive someone, we too refuse to keep a record of their wrongs. It is crucial that we rid our hearts of bitterness, lest we give the devil an invitation on a silver platter to enter our lives. Keep no records of wrongs in your thoughts, and you will be less likely to expose such records through your words.
True forgivers destroy the record they might have used to vindicate themselves. Forgiving yourself may bring about the breakthrough you have been looking for. It could set you free in ways you have never before experienced.
When we are emptied of all self-righteousness and pride, we enable God to move in and through us. The degree to which we forgive others will often be the degree to which we forgive ourselves; the degree to which we set ourselves free will often be the degree to which we forgive others.
God can take your sinful past and make it work together for your good—so brilliantly and beautifully that you will be tempted to say that this is the way it was supposed to be! Regret over the past leads to guilt, and guilt can lead to fear: the fear of missing “what might have been,” or the fear that what has happened cannot possibly turn out for good.
It is sometimes harder to forgive those who are not enemies but who have hurt you deeply than it is to forgive one who is indeed an enemy. Totally forgiving an enemy is as spectacular as any miracle. No one may even know, though. You quietly intercede for them in solitude. Only God, the angels, and the devil know.
Love is not what you feel. Forgiving is not doing what comes naturally. If you hate, you will give them your heart and mind. Don’t give those two things away. God not only knows the sins we have committed but also the sins of which we are capable.
Who knows how God will use you down the road if—once and for all—you set your enemies free and never look back. Lack of forgiveness is aging; it puts lines on faces before they should come. In some cases, it means sleeplessness.
As long as there is a trace of self-righteousness and pointing the finger, your attempt at total forgiveness will backfire. Forgiveness is not total forgiveness until we bless our enemies—and pray for them to be blessed.
When we are bitter, we delude ourselves into thinking that those who hurt us are more likely to be punished as long as we remain set on revenge. We only hurt ourselves when we dwell on what has happened to us and fantasize about what it will be like when “they” get punished. Most of all, we grieve the Holy Spirit of God, and this is why we lose our sense of peace.
The person who gains the most from forgiveness is the person who does the forgiving. The ultimate proof of total forgiveness takes place when we sincerely petition the Father to let those who have hurt us off the hook—even if they have hurt not only us but also those close to us.
It is so “unnatural” for a person to forgive those who have hurt them and to desire reconciliation that there is no greater testimony to the lost. What impresses the world most is changed lives for which there is no natural explanation.
Totally forgiving someone doesn’t necessarily mean we will want to spend our vacation with them, but it does mean that we release the bitterness in our hearts concerning what they have done. Total forgiveness does not mean closing our eyes to those who will continue to harm others.
Just as God forgives people without approving of their sin, we must also learn that forgiving people does not imply an endorsement of their evil deeds. It takes two to reconcile, and there must be a total willingness on both sides. Reconciliation doesn’t truly take place until both parties agree.
True forgiveness can only be offered after we have come to terms with reality, when we can admit, “This person actually did or said this to me.” True forgiveness of a wrong does not pretend that no wrong occurred. Sometimes the people we admire the most can do the most hurtful things to us. And it is of no value to pretend we didn’t see it happen.
Love doesn’t erase our memories. It is actually a demonstration of greater grace when we are fully aware of what occurred and still choose to forgive. The greater victory for the one who does the forgiving is to face up to the seriousness—even the wickedness—of what happened and still forgive.
Total forgiveness is painful. It hurts when we kiss revenge goodbye. Total forgiveness is a choice. It is not a feeling—at least not at first—but rather an act of the will. Love is also a choice. If we harbor the desire to see our enemies punished, we will eventually lose the anointing of the Spirit.
Total forgiveness is refusing to punish. If punishment is our motive, we are about to grieve the Holy Spirit, however much right may be on our side. Graciousness is shown by what you don’t say, even if what you could say would be true.
Total forgiveness sometimes means overlooking what you perceive to be the truth and not letting on about anything that could damage another person. Relinquishing bitterness is an open invitation for the Holy Spirit to give you His peace, His joy, and the knowledge of His will.
Although we often do not see it at first, all of our bitterness is ultimately traceable to a resentment of God. There is no lasting joy in forgiveness if it doesn’t include forgiving yourself.
Delays can actually be part of God’s purpose; seemingly unanswered prayer can be as much a part of God’s will as answered prayer. If people are afraid of us, we may fancy that they are receiving a bit of punishment—which is what we want if we are not walking in forgiveness.
Those of us who send people on guilt trips almost certainly have a big problem ourselves with a sense of guilt. Forgiveness is worthless to us emotionally if we cannot forgive ourselves. It certainly isn’t total forgiveness unless we forgive ourselves as well as others.
When we truly see ourselves as we are, we will recognize that we are just as capable of committing any sin as anyone else. Sin that is under the blood of our sovereign Redeemer does not need to be confessed to anyone but God.
Total forgiveness is a lifelong commitment, and you may need to practice it every single day of your life until you die. No one said it would be easy. Total forgiveness involves an additional element: praying for God’s blessings to rain on the lives of your offenders.
We have hurt God, and we want to be let off the hook; people have hurt us, and we must let them off the hook. Not only do we need daily forgiveness as much as we need daily bread, but we also need to pray daily that we have the grace to forgive others as a lifelong commitment.
Unless we are walking in a state of forgiveness toward others, we cannot be in an intimate relationship with God. One way we walk in darkness is by holding bitterness in our hearts toward others—bitterness that creates confusion in our minds and oppression in our hearts. If we claim to have fellowship with God but walk in darkness, we lie.
The greater the sin you must forgive, the greater the measure of the Spirit that will come to you. Welcome the opportunity to forgive the deepest hurt and the greatest injustice, and remember that a greater anointing is waiting for you.
Although we know we are saved by grace alone, there remain consequences if we choose to walk in unforgiveness. Some aspects of our relationship with God are unchangeable, but others are affected by the things that we do. Totally forgiving another person is an achievable act. It can be done, and it is something you and I must keep doing.
If you choose to withhold forgiveness from others, you are not putting a high enough value on things today that one day will mean everything to you. Your relationship with the Holy Spirit should be one of the top priorities in your life. When the Holy Spirit is grieved, it causes a distortion in our thinking.
A refusal to forgive means that God stands back and lets you cope with your problems in your own strength. Bearing a grudge and trying to punish and get even will cut off your anointing. The loss will become apparent sooner or later—unless you choose to forgive and forgive totally. When you will not forgive, the anointing God may have given you is lifted, and you will become like an empty shell.
You may be pointing your finger and speaking words of truth, but you may unwittingly be an instrument of the devil as you speak. If you don’t like being judged yourself, then stop judging other people. The true test of spirituality is being able not to point the finger. God doesn’t always wait for the final judgment to begin disciplining His children.
When we lose our objectivity, we render ourselves incapable of passing judgment on another person. The planks in our eyes cause poor eyesight; they magnify the specks of dust in others while simultaneously blinding us to our own faults. The principles of total forgiveness should enable us to make friends, not lose them.
When we totally forgive someone, we too refuse to keep a record of their wrongs. It is crucial that we rid our hearts of bitterness, lest we give the devil an invitation on a silver platter to enter our lives. Keep no records of wrongs in your thoughts, and you will be less likely to expose such records through your words.
True forgivers destroy the record they might have used to vindicate themselves. Forgiving yourself may bring about the breakthrough you have been looking for. It could set you free in ways you have never before experienced.
When we are emptied of all self-righteousness and pride, we enable God to move in and through us. The degree to which we forgive others will often be the degree to which we forgive ourselves; the degree to which we set ourselves free will often be the degree to which we forgive others.
God can take your sinful past and make it work together for your good—so brilliantly and beautifully that you will be tempted to say that this is the way it was supposed to be! Regret over the past leads to guilt, and guilt can lead to fear: the fear of missing “what might have been,” or the fear that what has happened cannot possibly turn out for good.
It is sometimes harder to forgive those who are not enemies but who have hurt you deeply than it is to forgive one who is indeed an enemy. Totally forgiving an enemy is as spectacular as any miracle. No one may even know, though. You quietly intercede for them in solitude. Only God, the angels, and the devil know.
Love is not what you feel. Forgiving is not doing what comes naturally. If you hate, you will give them your heart and mind. Don’t give those two things away. God not only knows the sins we have committed but also the sins of which we are capable.
Who knows how God will use you down the road if—once and for all—you set your enemies free and never look back. Lack of forgiveness is aging; it puts lines on faces before they should come. In some cases, it means sleeplessness.
As long as there is a trace of self-righteousness and pointing the finger, your attempt at total forgiveness will backfire. Forgiveness is not total forgiveness until we bless our enemies—and pray for them to be blessed.
May 30, 2026
This should be required reading for mankind
August 13, 2024
This is a must-read for everyone. Even took some notes here. Now to the difficult business of actually totally forgiving
## Chapter 2
### How to know we have totally forgiven?
The life of Joseph illustrates how total forgiveness looks in practice (see [[Gen 45|Genesis 45]])
"The worst thing that can happen to a man is to succeed before he is ready" - Martin Lloyd Jones
Lessons from Joseph
1) Do not let anyone know what someone said about you or did to you (Gen 45:1).
Joseph was a hero in Egypt, his brothers would have had a bad time in Egypt if the egiptians knew what they did to Joseph.
The real reason we usually tell the details of our hurts is to punish the person who sinned against us. When we totally forgive we forgo revenge and keep the sin secret. We all have skeletons in our closets. It is comforting to know that God totally and completely forgives all our sins and will never disclose what He knows
2) Do not allow anyone to be afraid of you or intimidated by you
Joseph revealed his identity to his brothers with tears and compassion. He did not want them to be afraid of him ([[Gen 45|Geneza 45:2]]).
If we are happy to know that someone who hurt us is afraid of us then this only shows that we have not forgiven the person completely ([[1 Ioan 4|1 John 4:18]])
Once God has forgiven us, He does not want us to be afraid of Him. He wants to put us at ease in His presence.
3) We still want them to forgive themselves and not feel guilty. We make it easy for others to forgive themselves.
When revealing his identity to his brothers, Joseph was not about to send his brothers in a guilt trip. He knew that they felt guilty enough and he showed grace. We love to punish people that wronged us by making them feel guilty. Because we haven't sorted out our own guilt issues we want to ensure others experience guilt also. We point the finger partly because we haven't forgiven ourselves.
4) We let people save face
Because God wants us to make it easy for us to forgive ourselves he inspired Paul to write [[Rom 8|Romans 8:28]]. Joseph uses this kind of logic when he tells his brothers that God was in fact sending him to Egypt so that he may deliver everyone from the famine. In order to allow his brothers to save face, Joseph provides a rationale for why they sinned against him. You can make a friend for life if you help him save face.
When we recognise that we are just as capable of sinning as anyone else we can help our transgressors save face because we know that we could easily have done the same. Self-righteousness is an obstacle to total forgiveness. For Joseph then, letting his brothers save face was not merely a polite thing to do but it was how he understood the truth of the situation. He sincerely believed that God sent him ahead in Egypt for the very purpose of saving his family from the years of famine ahead. In this conversation we see that all the suffering Joseph endured was worth it because learned the lessons of forgiveness ([[Ioan 16|John 16:21-22]]).
5) We will protect them from their greatest fear and darkest secret
The brother's fear was to return to Canaan and tell their father about what they did. For years, their worst nightmare was that their father will find out about their deception. In [[Gen 45|Genesis 45:9-13]] Joseph instructs his brothers about what to say to his father and it does not include the truth about their betrayal. God does not blackmail us and when we blackmail other people God wont stand for it.
6) Total forgiveness is a lifelong commitment. You keep on doing it for as long as you live
It isn't enough to forgive today and return to it tomorrow. Total forgiveness is a lifelong commitment and you may need to practice it every day for the rest of your life. Seventeen (17) years after reuniting with Joseph, Jacob died. Joseph's brothers were terrified that he will take at long last revenge on them. Their fear was understandable since Joseph's forgiveness was very gracious all these years ago. Because of this fear they made up a story for him. Joseph said to them something like this: "I forgave you then, I forgive you now. Do not be afraid" ([[Gen 50|Genesis 50:19]]). Joseph's change of heart was not a passing thing, it was a real and a total forgiveness.
7) We will pray for our enemies to be blessed
Praying like this is exceedingly difficult. When we do this we become more like our heavenly Father.
***Caution***: Never go to a person you forgave and say "I forgive you". This is counter-productive unless to a person you know yierns for your forgiveness since they will most probably ask you "for what?" because most people we forgive sincerely think they have not wronged us. It is up to us to forgive and then keep quiet about it
## Chapter 3: The Lord's Prayer and Forgivenes
This prayer is not intended as a kind of salvation by works but it is designed to keep us humble and keep us from having a self-righteous atitude. We all have this problem and most of us fight it every day. We naturally want to justify ourselves and we instinctively point the finger. The Lord's prayer keeps us on our toes and gives us objectivity. It shows us that we need daily forgiveness as much as daily bread. Jesus takes 2 things for granted here. First, He takes for granted that people have hurt us. Second, He takes for granted that we need to be forgiven.
In what ways have you been hurt by other people? Think about it and know that this is how people are. You are most probably doing something to someone else without even realising it.
This is not easy. It is also not a prayer for justification or salvation by works. It is instead a prayer for continual fellowship with God.
The greater the sin you must forgive, the greater the annointing of the Holy Spirit you will receive in order to do so. So every wrong you suffer is in fact an opportunity to have a deeper fellowship with Christ through the Holy Spirit.
Start by not judging the person you forgive. Reserving judgement for God alone shows that we are already on the path of forgiveness.
Forgiveness is a chosen privilege ([[Prov 19|Proverbs 19:11]]). Overlooking someone's transgression against you is glorious in God's eyes. Doing this requires a crossing over into the supernatural.
Although we are saved by grace apart from the works of forgiveness, there are consequences to us choosing to not forgive. Some aspects of our life depend on our works:
1) Salvation is unconditional, our fellowship with God is conditioned. Unconfessed sin can block our fellowship with our Father
2) The anointing of the Spirit in our lives is conditional. The Holy Spirit in our lives may freely come and go based on how much we really want Him
3) Our status in the family of God is unconditional, our intimacy with Christ is conditional
4) Our eternal destiny is fixed but receiving an additional reward is conditional (1 Cor 3:14-15).
Total forgiveness is achievable and the consequences are real and wonderful should we choose this path
Why does God hate so much an unforgiving spirit?
1) It shows an indifference to the greatest thing God did, namely the sending of the Son to die for our sins
2) We interrupt God's purpose in the world (reconciliation)
3) God hates an ungrateful heart ([[Mat 18|Mat. 18]]).
What does it mean when Jesus says if you dont forgive the Father will not forgive you?
1) We grieve the Holy Spirit and stop being able to think clearly (Eph. 4:30)
2) We are left to ourselves, we are on our own (Prov. 14:14, 2 Cor. 2:11). God lets you do it your way and worst of all, you may even think He is with you through it all. Satan will have freedom to deceive you through your own flesh (Gen. 3:4). The devil will come to you and say that indeed, normally forgiveness is mandatory but in your particular case the offence is so great that you are justified in holding onto your bitterness
3) Once steps 1 & 2 are in place you start to commit other sins. Once the devil gets a foothold in your life through unforgiveness he keeps tempting you with other sins
4) You lose the potential of God's annointing in your life and you become like an empty shell. Saul prophecied after he lost his anointing but eventually lost it. After the salvation we receive from God, the anointing of the Holy Spirit is the most previous gift we receive from Him.
5) We lose our fellowship with the Father (1 John 1:6).
## Chapter 2
### How to know we have totally forgiven?
The life of Joseph illustrates how total forgiveness looks in practice (see [[Gen 45|Genesis 45]])
"The worst thing that can happen to a man is to succeed before he is ready" - Martin Lloyd Jones
Lessons from Joseph
1) Do not let anyone know what someone said about you or did to you (Gen 45:1).
Joseph was a hero in Egypt, his brothers would have had a bad time in Egypt if the egiptians knew what they did to Joseph.
The real reason we usually tell the details of our hurts is to punish the person who sinned against us. When we totally forgive we forgo revenge and keep the sin secret. We all have skeletons in our closets. It is comforting to know that God totally and completely forgives all our sins and will never disclose what He knows
2) Do not allow anyone to be afraid of you or intimidated by you
Joseph revealed his identity to his brothers with tears and compassion. He did not want them to be afraid of him ([[Gen 45|Geneza 45:2]]).
If we are happy to know that someone who hurt us is afraid of us then this only shows that we have not forgiven the person completely ([[1 Ioan 4|1 John 4:18]])
Once God has forgiven us, He does not want us to be afraid of Him. He wants to put us at ease in His presence.
3) We still want them to forgive themselves and not feel guilty. We make it easy for others to forgive themselves.
When revealing his identity to his brothers, Joseph was not about to send his brothers in a guilt trip. He knew that they felt guilty enough and he showed grace. We love to punish people that wronged us by making them feel guilty. Because we haven't sorted out our own guilt issues we want to ensure others experience guilt also. We point the finger partly because we haven't forgiven ourselves.
4) We let people save face
Because God wants us to make it easy for us to forgive ourselves he inspired Paul to write [[Rom 8|Romans 8:28]]. Joseph uses this kind of logic when he tells his brothers that God was in fact sending him to Egypt so that he may deliver everyone from the famine. In order to allow his brothers to save face, Joseph provides a rationale for why they sinned against him. You can make a friend for life if you help him save face.
When we recognise that we are just as capable of sinning as anyone else we can help our transgressors save face because we know that we could easily have done the same. Self-righteousness is an obstacle to total forgiveness. For Joseph then, letting his brothers save face was not merely a polite thing to do but it was how he understood the truth of the situation. He sincerely believed that God sent him ahead in Egypt for the very purpose of saving his family from the years of famine ahead. In this conversation we see that all the suffering Joseph endured was worth it because learned the lessons of forgiveness ([[Ioan 16|John 16:21-22]]).
5) We will protect them from their greatest fear and darkest secret
The brother's fear was to return to Canaan and tell their father about what they did. For years, their worst nightmare was that their father will find out about their deception. In [[Gen 45|Genesis 45:9-13]] Joseph instructs his brothers about what to say to his father and it does not include the truth about their betrayal. God does not blackmail us and when we blackmail other people God wont stand for it.
6) Total forgiveness is a lifelong commitment. You keep on doing it for as long as you live
It isn't enough to forgive today and return to it tomorrow. Total forgiveness is a lifelong commitment and you may need to practice it every day for the rest of your life. Seventeen (17) years after reuniting with Joseph, Jacob died. Joseph's brothers were terrified that he will take at long last revenge on them. Their fear was understandable since Joseph's forgiveness was very gracious all these years ago. Because of this fear they made up a story for him. Joseph said to them something like this: "I forgave you then, I forgive you now. Do not be afraid" ([[Gen 50|Genesis 50:19]]). Joseph's change of heart was not a passing thing, it was a real and a total forgiveness.
7) We will pray for our enemies to be blessed
Praying like this is exceedingly difficult. When we do this we become more like our heavenly Father.
***Caution***: Never go to a person you forgave and say "I forgive you". This is counter-productive unless to a person you know yierns for your forgiveness since they will most probably ask you "for what?" because most people we forgive sincerely think they have not wronged us. It is up to us to forgive and then keep quiet about it
## Chapter 3: The Lord's Prayer and Forgivenes
This prayer is not intended as a kind of salvation by works but it is designed to keep us humble and keep us from having a self-righteous atitude. We all have this problem and most of us fight it every day. We naturally want to justify ourselves and we instinctively point the finger. The Lord's prayer keeps us on our toes and gives us objectivity. It shows us that we need daily forgiveness as much as daily bread. Jesus takes 2 things for granted here. First, He takes for granted that people have hurt us. Second, He takes for granted that we need to be forgiven.
In what ways have you been hurt by other people? Think about it and know that this is how people are. You are most probably doing something to someone else without even realising it.
This is not easy. It is also not a prayer for justification or salvation by works. It is instead a prayer for continual fellowship with God.
The greater the sin you must forgive, the greater the annointing of the Holy Spirit you will receive in order to do so. So every wrong you suffer is in fact an opportunity to have a deeper fellowship with Christ through the Holy Spirit.
Start by not judging the person you forgive. Reserving judgement for God alone shows that we are already on the path of forgiveness.
Forgiveness is a chosen privilege ([[Prov 19|Proverbs 19:11]]). Overlooking someone's transgression against you is glorious in God's eyes. Doing this requires a crossing over into the supernatural.
Although we are saved by grace apart from the works of forgiveness, there are consequences to us choosing to not forgive. Some aspects of our life depend on our works:
1) Salvation is unconditional, our fellowship with God is conditioned. Unconfessed sin can block our fellowship with our Father
2) The anointing of the Spirit in our lives is conditional. The Holy Spirit in our lives may freely come and go based on how much we really want Him
3) Our status in the family of God is unconditional, our intimacy with Christ is conditional
4) Our eternal destiny is fixed but receiving an additional reward is conditional (1 Cor 3:14-15).
Total forgiveness is achievable and the consequences are real and wonderful should we choose this path
Why does God hate so much an unforgiving spirit?
1) It shows an indifference to the greatest thing God did, namely the sending of the Son to die for our sins
2) We interrupt God's purpose in the world (reconciliation)
3) God hates an ungrateful heart ([[Mat 18|Mat. 18]]).
What does it mean when Jesus says if you dont forgive the Father will not forgive you?
1) We grieve the Holy Spirit and stop being able to think clearly (Eph. 4:30)
2) We are left to ourselves, we are on our own (Prov. 14:14, 2 Cor. 2:11). God lets you do it your way and worst of all, you may even think He is with you through it all. Satan will have freedom to deceive you through your own flesh (Gen. 3:4). The devil will come to you and say that indeed, normally forgiveness is mandatory but in your particular case the offence is so great that you are justified in holding onto your bitterness
3) Once steps 1 & 2 are in place you start to commit other sins. Once the devil gets a foothold in your life through unforgiveness he keeps tempting you with other sins
4) You lose the potential of God's annointing in your life and you become like an empty shell. Saul prophecied after he lost his anointing but eventually lost it. After the salvation we receive from God, the anointing of the Holy Spirit is the most previous gift we receive from Him.
5) We lose our fellowship with the Father (1 John 1:6).
November 11, 2013
Total Forgiveness by R.T. Kendall - I hated this book. I only read it was because I told a friend I would. My friend said the book had been helpful to him many years ago. I hope he's matured enough to change his mind about the book if he re-read it now. As it is he's lost credibility with me regarding forgiveness and any other topic.
Everything in this book was at best nothing new. I often disagreed with the author. He's one of those who idolizes Joseph in Genesis, to the point of making up details and presenting them as facts. He referred to Joseph as "a type of Christ". So then why is it that Judah, not Joseph, became an ancestor of Christ? I'm prepared to argue the case in detail, so don't get me started. I got the impression the author slanted Joseph's story to suit his own opinions, or the opinion he'd like to have. It's as if Kendall's trying to convince himself that his own sins will be swept under the carpet, too.
Kendall also contradicts himself repeatedly. For example, within one chapter he says that forgiveness is not denial or blindness or forgetting, then four pages later he says we should "erase the wrong rather than file it away in our mental computer". If he has a valid point he failed to clarify. Maybe his desire to hide is why he was born in Kentucky surrounded by American openness, but around the time this book was published moved to England, the land of the most emotionally restricted people on earth.
Another ridiculous contradiction is in regards to keeping someone else's sin a secret. I understand that we shouldn't hold the threat of exposure over someone's head as a vengeful punishment. But if we allow an offender to re-write history he essentially retracts his confession, and therefor also retracts his repentance, and we've done him a terrible wrong, enabling instead of empowering. Yet at various points throughout the book the author emphasizes saving face, giving dignity (or the appearance of integrity), and acting as if nothing has happened, to the extent that I wonder if he's afraid his own dark secret(s) will be revealed and shred his ego.
I often keep books for future reference. If I don't keep the whole book I like to at least copy down quotes. The only bit I found worth keeping in the whole book turned out to be borrowed from another source. Actually, Kendall cited a book that in turn cited another source, and then he misspelled the name of the original source. I'd like to correct his error and recommend the study by Michele (spelled with one 'l', not Michelle) Killlough Nelson which can be found at http://docs.lib.purdue.edu/dissertati....
This is a long review for a book I didn't like. I suppose I need to forgive the author for wasting my time. I ought to have a talk with the friend who recommended it, too.
Meanwhile, I've added Lewis B. Smedes' "The Art of Forgiving" to my purchased-not-read-yet shelf. I'm open to other suggestions.
Everything in this book was at best nothing new. I often disagreed with the author. He's one of those who idolizes Joseph in Genesis, to the point of making up details and presenting them as facts. He referred to Joseph as "a type of Christ". So then why is it that Judah, not Joseph, became an ancestor of Christ? I'm prepared to argue the case in detail, so don't get me started. I got the impression the author slanted Joseph's story to suit his own opinions, or the opinion he'd like to have. It's as if Kendall's trying to convince himself that his own sins will be swept under the carpet, too.
Kendall also contradicts himself repeatedly. For example, within one chapter he says that forgiveness is not denial or blindness or forgetting, then four pages later he says we should "erase the wrong rather than file it away in our mental computer". If he has a valid point he failed to clarify. Maybe his desire to hide is why he was born in Kentucky surrounded by American openness, but around the time this book was published moved to England, the land of the most emotionally restricted people on earth.
Another ridiculous contradiction is in regards to keeping someone else's sin a secret. I understand that we shouldn't hold the threat of exposure over someone's head as a vengeful punishment. But if we allow an offender to re-write history he essentially retracts his confession, and therefor also retracts his repentance, and we've done him a terrible wrong, enabling instead of empowering. Yet at various points throughout the book the author emphasizes saving face, giving dignity (or the appearance of integrity), and acting as if nothing has happened, to the extent that I wonder if he's afraid his own dark secret(s) will be revealed and shred his ego.
I often keep books for future reference. If I don't keep the whole book I like to at least copy down quotes. The only bit I found worth keeping in the whole book turned out to be borrowed from another source. Actually, Kendall cited a book that in turn cited another source, and then he misspelled the name of the original source. I'd like to correct his error and recommend the study by Michele (spelled with one 'l', not Michelle) Killlough Nelson which can be found at http://docs.lib.purdue.edu/dissertati....
This is a long review for a book I didn't like. I suppose I need to forgive the author for wasting my time. I ought to have a talk with the friend who recommended it, too.
Meanwhile, I've added Lewis B. Smedes' "The Art of Forgiving" to my purchased-not-read-yet shelf. I'm open to other suggestions.
June 29, 2023
This book changed my life. I'm forever grateful for the truths it unfolds and the call to be like Jesus and offer to others what Jesus gives us - Total Forgiveness.
November 1, 2015
This book is something I would NOT recommend to anyone who wants to learn how to react in some of the tough situations we find in life. It is a book which teaches cowardice and passivity. People who follow this kind of teaching will never know about courage and confrontation which is a necessary part of life. This book and similar books can be blamed as one of the reasons why so many spiritual people end up confused and unable to do what is right according to the time and the season. There is a time for everything under the sun, so don't think that this book is an answer to the bible. Its so easy to cop out and follow what would seem to be "spiritual" and "the way that seems right" so go ahead and follow the writer blindly if you do not care to investigate a matter fully or do not want to know anything outside of a bubble people have created.
Of course the writer has to please a certain audience and throw in a few bible verses, just like many others who peddle $piritual books at the expense of the readers. Fortunately, he does not convince those of us who are well trained and have been ignorant in the past.
Lastly, the book is definitely not written to expand the reader's mind and get him to search for grains of truth but instead leads people backwards.
My advice is to forget this book and its trite contents. Go and discover for yourself prayerfully where "It is also written"
Of course the writer has to please a certain audience and throw in a few bible verses, just like many others who peddle $piritual books at the expense of the readers. Fortunately, he does not convince those of us who are well trained and have been ignorant in the past.
Lastly, the book is definitely not written to expand the reader's mind and get him to search for grains of truth but instead leads people backwards.
My advice is to forget this book and its trite contents. Go and discover for yourself prayerfully where "It is also written"
July 28, 2011
This book is easy to read, but also very hard to read. What's hard is that it convicts our very human tendency to offer forgiveness conditionally or not at all. Kendall very effectively explains why real forgiveness entails our hoping, praying, and working for the good of those who have wronged us--even those who aren't aware or don't acknowledge their wrongdoing!
HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?! Because God sacrificed the life of His only Son as redemption for sins we aren't aware of or don't acknowledge ... and He still causes all things to work together for our ultimate good (Romans 8:28)!
This book is very much worth the time it will take you to read and ponder the points presented. I have work to do, and I suspect I will be reviewing portions of the book from time to time to refresh my perspective.
HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?! Because God sacrificed the life of His only Son as redemption for sins we aren't aware of or don't acknowledge ... and He still causes all things to work together for our ultimate good (Romans 8:28)!
This book is very much worth the time it will take you to read and ponder the points presented. I have work to do, and I suspect I will be reviewing portions of the book from time to time to refresh my perspective.
August 4, 2019
While this book has some very powerful points and overall delivers a healing message, I found it to be extremely tedious and repetitive. However, I still value the lessons that I've been able to take away from it. I struggled with whether or not forgiving someone meant that you had to restore a relationship with them, and I struggled to find biblical examples. This book very quickly made me realize that no, forgiving someone does not always mean there is reconciliation, but forgiving someone means letting go and receiving peace, for both yourself and the person who hurt you. When we realize our own need for forgiveness, we can embrace truly being able to extend forgiveness to others and receive the healing peace that comes with it.
September 11, 2014
"Forgiveness is not total forgiveness until we bless our enemies-pray for them to be blessed." ~ R.T. Kendall
This book teaches how one can have total forgiveness. This is a hard topic for many, as it goes against our sin nature. However, it is possible to walk in total forgiveness and R. T. Kendall gives us tools and advice on how to do this.
The Holy Spirit began to remind me of people in my life that I had not totally forgiven and blessed, especially the enemies that I have had in my life. I began to forgive and bless them. I immediately sensed a new freedom and actually felt a bit of heaviness leave me.
There is joy in "letting the past be the past...at last!"
This book teaches how one can have total forgiveness. This is a hard topic for many, as it goes against our sin nature. However, it is possible to walk in total forgiveness and R. T. Kendall gives us tools and advice on how to do this.
The Holy Spirit began to remind me of people in my life that I had not totally forgiven and blessed, especially the enemies that I have had in my life. I began to forgive and bless them. I immediately sensed a new freedom and actually felt a bit of heaviness leave me.
There is joy in "letting the past be the past...at last!"
May 8, 2012
What a great book on forgiveness! Incredibly inspiring, scriptural, and practical. Kendal's words clearly come out of his own painful and victorious experiences. He paints a scripturally sound and incredibly practical picture of forgiveness. Through credible, anecdotal, and scriptural evidence he calls us to release our anger and bitterness and experience true freedom in Christ through forgiveness.
July 18, 2013
This book is a life changing book! I believe that if every Christian in this country were to read this book and take to heart the Biblical lessons contained in it, we would see a radically different church in America! It will challenge you and many times we don't want to be challenged. So if you are looking for a book to challenge you to a selfless lifestyle and are willing to look honestly within, this book is for you!
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