What do you think?
Rate this book
Outshining Trauma: A New Vision of Radical Self-Compassion Integrating Internal Family Systems and Buddhist Meditation
Discover a path of post-traumatic growth, spiritual insight, and deep compassion for the most challenging parts of yourself.
Ralph De La Rosa integrates Richard Schwartz’s revolutionary Internal Family Systems (IFS) model with Buddhist meditation practice to offer a radically different healing paradigm.
If you’re among those who’ve tried therapy and meditation but wonder why you still suffer repetitive patterns and emotions, Outshining Trauma is for you. De La Rosa places the innovative, evidence-based model of IFS in the context of Buddhist meditation to show that the process of healing trauma can lead you to your deepest spiritual nature.
This book offers clear conceptual frameworks to understand trauma, post-traumatic growth, and the close relationship between healing trauma and spirituality. The many journal prompts, experiential practices, and guided meditations will teach you how
See that your mind is made up of disparate “parts” that carry their own views and intentions which can become stuck in traumatic experiencesRecognize common types of inner parts in the IFS model, such as “Managers,” “Firefighters,” and “Exiles”Separate from a part inside of you that’s holding grief, pain, or other difficult feelings and then elicit its concerns and wisdomUtilize meditation as a method for opening to transformative self-compassion and self-love
A survivor himself of depression, PTSD, and addiction, De La Rosa shares gripping, inspirational life stories to demonstrate the path of outshining trauma.
Ralph De La Rosa integrates Richard Schwartz’s revolutionary Internal Family Systems (IFS) model with Buddhist meditation practice to offer a radically different healing paradigm.
If you’re among those who’ve tried therapy and meditation but wonder why you still suffer repetitive patterns and emotions, Outshining Trauma is for you. De La Rosa places the innovative, evidence-based model of IFS in the context of Buddhist meditation to show that the process of healing trauma can lead you to your deepest spiritual nature.
This book offers clear conceptual frameworks to understand trauma, post-traumatic growth, and the close relationship between healing trauma and spirituality. The many journal prompts, experiential practices, and guided meditations will teach you how
See that your mind is made up of disparate “parts” that carry their own views and intentions which can become stuck in traumatic experiencesRecognize common types of inner parts in the IFS model, such as “Managers,” “Firefighters,” and “Exiles”Separate from a part inside of you that’s holding grief, pain, or other difficult feelings and then elicit its concerns and wisdomUtilize meditation as a method for opening to transformative self-compassion and self-love
A survivor himself of depression, PTSD, and addiction, De La Rosa shares gripping, inspirational life stories to demonstrate the path of outshining trauma.
251 pages, Kindle Edition
Published November 26, 2024
92 people are currently reading
2538 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews
June 17, 2025
The author keeps writing the same (wonderful) book and writing it better, more insightful, more compelling. That means any one new to the party can just read this one. I have to say I find the arguments made for connecting social change to individual healing to be the least compelling of anything said here (see P239) but he doesn't spend much time there.
And the ninth chapter (on Refuge) is freaking brilliant. And his explication of IFS is elegant.
Thanks Ralph for all you brought and may your memory be for a blessing.
P4-5 We’re not meant to get broken in life and then simply carry on in a compromised state, as generations before us have done. Radical self-compassion is attainable. It is our deeper nature. […] Clearing space for joy is within reach. […] The heartbreaks and betrayals we’ve suffered can, if we so choose, mark a new beginning, a new story of discovering freedom.
P7. Daily practice is what truly allowed me the space to become familiar with my inner life. […] I began to see that love was always the appropriate response no matter what I bumped into inside. […] A sense of trust in the unfolding path began to arise. […]
A decade after I’d traded heroin for a healing lifestyle, trauma was still lodged in my body, surreptitiously shaping and limiting my world.
P8 Parts work is a process of self-inquiry that allows us to get to know the multitudes we hold inside. It facilitates a shift into appreciation and caring for all that we are.
P9 Healing is […] a natural by-product of getting to know the parts of our psyche in a compassionate way. [….] if we approach healing as a heartfelt process of discovery and not some therapeutic drudgery, then what might formerly have looked like a marathon starts to look like an adventure.
P10 IFS […] showed me how to apply openhearted self-compassion in a manner that released the emotional and energetic residue of trauma from my body.
P13 What trauma comes down to, really, is the ways in which love was withheld and betrayed in your life. The antidote, then, is the restoration of love, here and now, in the body and nervous system and life you get to have for this short time.
P18 It’s when the compassionate conditions needed for resolution aren’t present that we get stuck. The traumatic experience, then, is left to repeat itself through compulsive patterns in our lives.
P28 Compassion is alchemical. […] It moves us in the direction of well-being and adaptive choices. […] Our lives take shape around how we’ve been loved and the ways in which love has been withheld and betrayed.
P34 Anxiety is often the by-product of parts having a lot to repress in the name of functioning.
P46 “Safety is not the absence of threat. It is the presence of connection.” – Gabor Mate […] Parts work is essentially a method of self-inquiry centered on establishing lines of communication within oneself.
P49 Healing, then, isn’t about getting rid of or fixing parts of us but rather helping them resolve their confusion and reclaim their lost goodness.
P55 And when you’re in there, you don’t resist the depression, you give it space. (Pete Holmes)
P73 […] “And then I noticed I was in the curiosity of Self and responded from there.”
In other words, we begin to discover what Buddhists call refuge. And when we internalize experiences of refuge, we start to regain our child-like wonder within the context of full maturation.
P80 As the saying goes, “You didn’t come this far to only come this far.”
P81 “We suffer the loss of soul when we fail to heed irrational longings. […] Following through … could lead us into folly. But not following through could lead us to something worse: a disenchanted life.” – Thomas Moore
P83 Subtraction: awakening and healing as a shedding, a letting go, an unburdening of all the baggage and extra layers we’ve picked up along the way.
P84 Addition: awakening as a cultivation, learning, evolving to possess new qualities we didn’t have before. This generally happens through the process of reparenting (which we will explore more in part three).
P86 We must lovingly train ourselves to be present in a consistent fashion. […] Second, our parts need to experience Self Energy enough that they begin to trust compassion as a refuge.
P92 “Optimization” and self-help are exhausting and expensive. Holding space for our parts is both free and freeing.
P110 “Gotta have something to eat, gotta have a little love in your life before you can hold still for anyone’s damn sermon on how to behave.” – Billie Holiday
P111 Without a subjective sense of safety there can be no metabolization of trauma. Safety, our most primary need, is the most primary thing traumatic experience betrays, hence we must reestablish it for ourselves. […]
A person with unprocessed trauma could exist in the safest of external conditions but they would still be subject to projecting their internalized sense of threat onto the people, places, and things around them. […] “The ship is safest when in port,” writes the novelist Paul Coelho, “but that’s not what ships were built for.”
P112 We need an inner refuge that isn’t so conditional and can’t easily be taken away from us. A kind of inner belonging that allows us to flex and flow with the stormy seas of life […] We need a refuge that allows us to move increasingly in the direction of connection, courage, creativity, and confidence. We need a sense of safety that our parts don’t have to work so hard for.
True refuge is protection beyond defenses. Refuge is the psycho-spiritual safety made available when we lay down our armor and set aside our swords.
P113 Perhaps we ought to begin our sitting meditation practice by letting out the same sigh of relief we make at the front door at the end of a trying day. […three jewels of Buddhist refuge…]
[…] one increasingly severs their relationship with suffering. Hence, refuge: a form of protection far more expansive and effective that our defense mechanisms could ever achieve.
P114 […] true refuge means becoming increasingly aware of an innate, inner, and yet transpersonal resource that protects you from further entanglements with suffering.
P115 Is the heart open or closed? Learn to notice when the heart is closed and be willing to open it back up. […] Develop the ability to abide in the openhearted state for longer and longer. One day: enter the garden and never leave again.
[…] “Secure attachment” is psychological jargon for an ability to experience health love and long-term bonding with others. It describes the interpersonal experience of refuge. […] communicate one’s needs, be receptive to love without overt clinging, and embody boundaries without compulsive avoidance. [….mmmm…]
P116 Such an attachment figure is indeed a refuge for those in their care.
[…] It connotes a certain baseline with which one can walk through the world without too much insecurity, explosiveness, ambivalence, or self-aggrandizement. It correlates to a basic and overarching sense of trust […] All of which correlates with having a sense of inner refuge as well. <> […] Ultimately we want our parts to form such a bond with Self Energy […] For many of us, though, we still need something or someone external to model the qualities of security for us to internalize. […]
We can fid all of these qualities in the breath when it’s set in its natural rhythm. The breath is consistent, reliable; it’s been there for us our entire lives. We can attend to it, hold it, immerse in it [….]
P117 […]Repeat experiences of orienting to the secure presence of the breath can and will, over time and through the grace of neuroplasticity, naturally nudge us in the direction of a more secure way of being – especially if we’re consciously aware of the breath’s nature while holding this intention.
P129 It is the primary task of fully realized buddhas to help beings mature into the recognition of their own true nature.
P132 […] Tibetans named meditation as an act of familiarization with mind itself, a process of becoming intimate with our inner workings with the express aim of finally experiencing the mind’s true nature – buddha nature […]
P149 “There is barely any distance between a feeling of neutrality toward the world and a crucial love for it […] All that is required to move from indifference to love is to have our hearts broken. […]” Nick Cave, The Red Hand Files
P150 The antidote to pain is discovered in relating to the pain itself. We move through heartbreak by letting the heartbroken feelings and reality in. […] the magic is to place the pain, shame, and fear in the cradle of the open heart.
P152 The fourth and final abode is upeksa, or “equanimity.” I also like to think of this abode as trust. <>
[….] As trauma survivors, we tend to mistake chaos, drama, impulsivity and “epic” experiences for home.
P162 The meditations we’ve forged into thus far all fall squarely into the category of bearing witness, the first of three stages of healing in IFS. The second step is called retrieval, a practice of going into traumatic memories as the present-time you, replete with Self Energy, and bringing resolution to the traumatic experience. The third is called unburdening and integration, where you release the fully processed trauma from the body, which then frees up vitality for parts to reclaim and integrate positive qualities. […] Buddhist tonglen practice as another form of unburdening. <>
[…] it’s the process of retrieval and unburdening that breaks cycles. After all, though the presence of self-compassion in the process is a game-changer, bearing witness can be a bit like what many of us have experienced with conventional forms of therapy.
P163 We’ve yet to fully discharge the stored energy of the traumatic experience that lives in our bodies.
P165 The actual retrieval occurred once I asked the part if they were now ready to leave this memory and join me in my present-time life. They said yes. I then invited that part of me to come live in my body in the present moment, to join with the forty-something me who had survived all that.
P166 The last step was asking the part inside, With this gone, what would you like to reclaim?
P168 Unburdening is the organic outgrowth of retrieval. With the part finding safe harbor, you can ask if they’re truly ready to be free of the burden they have been holding on to. You might get a sense of yes, or you might get a sense of not yet. It’s important not to rush this step.
P169 The open space where the wound once lived opens the important opportunity to absorb new qualities and behaviors. We lose so many of our best qualities along the way due to trauma. Thus, we ask what sort of qualities the part wants to integrate.
P181 METHODS OF LIBERATION HAVE NO POWER OF THEIR OWN […] All methods of liberation are simply road maps: devices to be applied to help us discover compassion.
P182 When we meditate and find ourselves bored, it’s not that meditation itself is boring. The meditation is reflecting back to us our own addiction to entertainment.
P190 Ask instead, “What is the thing I can’t not do?”
P194 WE LIVE IN A DEFECTIVE WORLD CALLED SAMSARA. We look out at a world of indescribable majesty and see beings who are searching for happiness yet remain ensnared in greed, aggression, and confusion. […] Our practice is to face life and allow such matters to arouse compassion in us. Don’t let it break you down; let it break you open.
P198 How heartbreaking to think that there might not have been anyone to show him how not to believe the story his brain was writing, that his parts believed. Such loving confrontation is often necessary.
P207 “We think we understand the rules when we become adults but what we really experience is a narrowing of the imagination.” –David Lynch
P209 THE FEAR OF JOY […] why humans […] hate suffering yet gravitate toward its causes? […] The ultimate answer to this quagmire is this: get to know your parts inside; ask them why they fear good things; and ask what they think might happen should you become strong and powerful, wise and happy.
P213 “Courage is not about being fearless; it’s about letting fear transform you so you come into right relationship with uncertainty, make peace with impermanence, and wake up to who you really are.” Lissa Rankin
P228 […] the essence of grief work is to find a way to bear witness to the feelings and thoughts until our parts are ready to be unburdened. […]
The basic formula remains the same: Meet whatever your parts are holding with Self Energy. Do it at a pace that does not overwhelm you. And be patient enough to stay the course. Firmly remind yourself that though it seems endless, nothing is endless. There is another side to this – a brighter side.
P235 “We don’t do it to be better, we do it to be whole.” –Mark Nepo
P237 You deserve a sense of divine pride in the work you’re doing. It is against the grain of a world mad with grasping and aversion.
P239 If compassion and altruism were placed as the ultimate and unapologetic guiding principle for any system, that system would transform. When you hold compassion for your parts, you hold the answer to literally everything. When you hold compassion for other beings, all the more so.
P241 The basic point is we cannot keep our healing and transformation to ourselves; it is meant to be shared. [..] Can we set aside our views and our conditionings and hold each other with care?
P9, 10, 106, 112 Defenses and resistance,
P11 outline of book
P12 somatics
19 trauma definition
20-21 metabolizing or not the trauma
26 Window of consolidation. Was compassion present?
38 managers as preemptive defense mechanisms
40 exiles
41 firefighters reactive defense system
43-44, 56 IFS. – Cs and Ps
54 vipassana, IFS, RAIN, feed your demons, etc. comparisons
57 trailheads
65-6 confusion and generational stuff. Vs intentions/aspirations on P94
76-77 loving-kindness meditation as part of tx
85 Buddha and self-leadership
103 pendulation and pain relief
105 somatic, spacious knowing
119 dedication of merit
120 PARTS WORK & curiosity
156 causes of happiness (meta reframe for difficult people)
184 delight, goals and efforts
208 play
And the ninth chapter (on Refuge) is freaking brilliant. And his explication of IFS is elegant.
Thanks Ralph for all you brought and may your memory be for a blessing.
P4-5 We’re not meant to get broken in life and then simply carry on in a compromised state, as generations before us have done. Radical self-compassion is attainable. It is our deeper nature. […] Clearing space for joy is within reach. […] The heartbreaks and betrayals we’ve suffered can, if we so choose, mark a new beginning, a new story of discovering freedom.
P7. Daily practice is what truly allowed me the space to become familiar with my inner life. […] I began to see that love was always the appropriate response no matter what I bumped into inside. […] A sense of trust in the unfolding path began to arise. […]
A decade after I’d traded heroin for a healing lifestyle, trauma was still lodged in my body, surreptitiously shaping and limiting my world.
P8 Parts work is a process of self-inquiry that allows us to get to know the multitudes we hold inside. It facilitates a shift into appreciation and caring for all that we are.
P9 Healing is […] a natural by-product of getting to know the parts of our psyche in a compassionate way. [….] if we approach healing as a heartfelt process of discovery and not some therapeutic drudgery, then what might formerly have looked like a marathon starts to look like an adventure.
P10 IFS […] showed me how to apply openhearted self-compassion in a manner that released the emotional and energetic residue of trauma from my body.
P13 What trauma comes down to, really, is the ways in which love was withheld and betrayed in your life. The antidote, then, is the restoration of love, here and now, in the body and nervous system and life you get to have for this short time.
P18 It’s when the compassionate conditions needed for resolution aren’t present that we get stuck. The traumatic experience, then, is left to repeat itself through compulsive patterns in our lives.
P28 Compassion is alchemical. […] It moves us in the direction of well-being and adaptive choices. […] Our lives take shape around how we’ve been loved and the ways in which love has been withheld and betrayed.
P34 Anxiety is often the by-product of parts having a lot to repress in the name of functioning.
P46 “Safety is not the absence of threat. It is the presence of connection.” – Gabor Mate […] Parts work is essentially a method of self-inquiry centered on establishing lines of communication within oneself.
P49 Healing, then, isn’t about getting rid of or fixing parts of us but rather helping them resolve their confusion and reclaim their lost goodness.
P55 And when you’re in there, you don’t resist the depression, you give it space. (Pete Holmes)
P73 […] “And then I noticed I was in the curiosity of Self and responded from there.”
In other words, we begin to discover what Buddhists call refuge. And when we internalize experiences of refuge, we start to regain our child-like wonder within the context of full maturation.
P80 As the saying goes, “You didn’t come this far to only come this far.”
P81 “We suffer the loss of soul when we fail to heed irrational longings. […] Following through … could lead us into folly. But not following through could lead us to something worse: a disenchanted life.” – Thomas Moore
P83 Subtraction: awakening and healing as a shedding, a letting go, an unburdening of all the baggage and extra layers we’ve picked up along the way.
P84 Addition: awakening as a cultivation, learning, evolving to possess new qualities we didn’t have before. This generally happens through the process of reparenting (which we will explore more in part three).
P86 We must lovingly train ourselves to be present in a consistent fashion. […] Second, our parts need to experience Self Energy enough that they begin to trust compassion as a refuge.
P92 “Optimization” and self-help are exhausting and expensive. Holding space for our parts is both free and freeing.
P110 “Gotta have something to eat, gotta have a little love in your life before you can hold still for anyone’s damn sermon on how to behave.” – Billie Holiday
P111 Without a subjective sense of safety there can be no metabolization of trauma. Safety, our most primary need, is the most primary thing traumatic experience betrays, hence we must reestablish it for ourselves. […]
A person with unprocessed trauma could exist in the safest of external conditions but they would still be subject to projecting their internalized sense of threat onto the people, places, and things around them. […] “The ship is safest when in port,” writes the novelist Paul Coelho, “but that’s not what ships were built for.”
P112 We need an inner refuge that isn’t so conditional and can’t easily be taken away from us. A kind of inner belonging that allows us to flex and flow with the stormy seas of life […] We need a refuge that allows us to move increasingly in the direction of connection, courage, creativity, and confidence. We need a sense of safety that our parts don’t have to work so hard for.
True refuge is protection beyond defenses. Refuge is the psycho-spiritual safety made available when we lay down our armor and set aside our swords.
P113 Perhaps we ought to begin our sitting meditation practice by letting out the same sigh of relief we make at the front door at the end of a trying day. […three jewels of Buddhist refuge…]
[…] one increasingly severs their relationship with suffering. Hence, refuge: a form of protection far more expansive and effective that our defense mechanisms could ever achieve.
P114 […] true refuge means becoming increasingly aware of an innate, inner, and yet transpersonal resource that protects you from further entanglements with suffering.
P115 Is the heart open or closed? Learn to notice when the heart is closed and be willing to open it back up. […] Develop the ability to abide in the openhearted state for longer and longer. One day: enter the garden and never leave again.
[…] “Secure attachment” is psychological jargon for an ability to experience health love and long-term bonding with others. It describes the interpersonal experience of refuge. […] communicate one’s needs, be receptive to love without overt clinging, and embody boundaries without compulsive avoidance. [….mmmm…]
P116 Such an attachment figure is indeed a refuge for those in their care.
[…] It connotes a certain baseline with which one can walk through the world without too much insecurity, explosiveness, ambivalence, or self-aggrandizement. It correlates to a basic and overarching sense of trust […] All of which correlates with having a sense of inner refuge as well. <> […] Ultimately we want our parts to form such a bond with Self Energy […] For many of us, though, we still need something or someone external to model the qualities of security for us to internalize. […]
We can fid all of these qualities in the breath when it’s set in its natural rhythm. The breath is consistent, reliable; it’s been there for us our entire lives. We can attend to it, hold it, immerse in it [….]
P117 […]Repeat experiences of orienting to the secure presence of the breath can and will, over time and through the grace of neuroplasticity, naturally nudge us in the direction of a more secure way of being – especially if we’re consciously aware of the breath’s nature while holding this intention.
P129 It is the primary task of fully realized buddhas to help beings mature into the recognition of their own true nature.
P132 […] Tibetans named meditation as an act of familiarization with mind itself, a process of becoming intimate with our inner workings with the express aim of finally experiencing the mind’s true nature – buddha nature […]
P149 “There is barely any distance between a feeling of neutrality toward the world and a crucial love for it […] All that is required to move from indifference to love is to have our hearts broken. […]” Nick Cave, The Red Hand Files
P150 The antidote to pain is discovered in relating to the pain itself. We move through heartbreak by letting the heartbroken feelings and reality in. […] the magic is to place the pain, shame, and fear in the cradle of the open heart.
P152 The fourth and final abode is upeksa, or “equanimity.” I also like to think of this abode as trust. <>
[….] As trauma survivors, we tend to mistake chaos, drama, impulsivity and “epic” experiences for home.
P162 The meditations we’ve forged into thus far all fall squarely into the category of bearing witness, the first of three stages of healing in IFS. The second step is called retrieval, a practice of going into traumatic memories as the present-time you, replete with Self Energy, and bringing resolution to the traumatic experience. The third is called unburdening and integration, where you release the fully processed trauma from the body, which then frees up vitality for parts to reclaim and integrate positive qualities. […] Buddhist tonglen practice as another form of unburdening. <>
[…] it’s the process of retrieval and unburdening that breaks cycles. After all, though the presence of self-compassion in the process is a game-changer, bearing witness can be a bit like what many of us have experienced with conventional forms of therapy.
P163 We’ve yet to fully discharge the stored energy of the traumatic experience that lives in our bodies.
P165 The actual retrieval occurred once I asked the part if they were now ready to leave this memory and join me in my present-time life. They said yes. I then invited that part of me to come live in my body in the present moment, to join with the forty-something me who had survived all that.
P166 The last step was asking the part inside, With this gone, what would you like to reclaim?
P168 Unburdening is the organic outgrowth of retrieval. With the part finding safe harbor, you can ask if they’re truly ready to be free of the burden they have been holding on to. You might get a sense of yes, or you might get a sense of not yet. It’s important not to rush this step.
P169 The open space where the wound once lived opens the important opportunity to absorb new qualities and behaviors. We lose so many of our best qualities along the way due to trauma. Thus, we ask what sort of qualities the part wants to integrate.
P181 METHODS OF LIBERATION HAVE NO POWER OF THEIR OWN […] All methods of liberation are simply road maps: devices to be applied to help us discover compassion.
P182 When we meditate and find ourselves bored, it’s not that meditation itself is boring. The meditation is reflecting back to us our own addiction to entertainment.
P190 Ask instead, “What is the thing I can’t not do?”
P194 WE LIVE IN A DEFECTIVE WORLD CALLED SAMSARA. We look out at a world of indescribable majesty and see beings who are searching for happiness yet remain ensnared in greed, aggression, and confusion. […] Our practice is to face life and allow such matters to arouse compassion in us. Don’t let it break you down; let it break you open.
P198 How heartbreaking to think that there might not have been anyone to show him how not to believe the story his brain was writing, that his parts believed. Such loving confrontation is often necessary.
P207 “We think we understand the rules when we become adults but what we really experience is a narrowing of the imagination.” –David Lynch
P209 THE FEAR OF JOY […] why humans […] hate suffering yet gravitate toward its causes? […] The ultimate answer to this quagmire is this: get to know your parts inside; ask them why they fear good things; and ask what they think might happen should you become strong and powerful, wise and happy.
P213 “Courage is not about being fearless; it’s about letting fear transform you so you come into right relationship with uncertainty, make peace with impermanence, and wake up to who you really are.” Lissa Rankin
P228 […] the essence of grief work is to find a way to bear witness to the feelings and thoughts until our parts are ready to be unburdened. […]
The basic formula remains the same: Meet whatever your parts are holding with Self Energy. Do it at a pace that does not overwhelm you. And be patient enough to stay the course. Firmly remind yourself that though it seems endless, nothing is endless. There is another side to this – a brighter side.
P235 “We don’t do it to be better, we do it to be whole.” –Mark Nepo
P237 You deserve a sense of divine pride in the work you’re doing. It is against the grain of a world mad with grasping and aversion.
P239 If compassion and altruism were placed as the ultimate and unapologetic guiding principle for any system, that system would transform. When you hold compassion for your parts, you hold the answer to literally everything. When you hold compassion for other beings, all the more so.
P241 The basic point is we cannot keep our healing and transformation to ourselves; it is meant to be shared. [..] Can we set aside our views and our conditionings and hold each other with care?
P9, 10, 106, 112 Defenses and resistance,
P11 outline of book
P12 somatics
19 trauma definition
20-21 metabolizing or not the trauma
26 Window of consolidation. Was compassion present?
38 managers as preemptive defense mechanisms
40 exiles
41 firefighters reactive defense system
43-44, 56 IFS. – Cs and Ps
54 vipassana, IFS, RAIN, feed your demons, etc. comparisons
57 trailheads
65-6 confusion and generational stuff. Vs intentions/aspirations on P94
76-77 loving-kindness meditation as part of tx
85 Buddha and self-leadership
103 pendulation and pain relief
105 somatic, spacious knowing
119 dedication of merit
120 PARTS WORK & curiosity
156 causes of happiness (meta reframe for difficult people)
184 delight, goals and efforts
208 play
November 27, 2024
Ralph has created something truly special with "Outshining Trauma," and of their three books, this one has quickly become my absolute favorite. While I've had experience with Internal Family Systems, this book made the whole model more clear and accessible. The parts work meditations have proven to be invaluable and the case studies and personal stories brought everything into focus. I can't recommend "Outshining Trauma" enough; it's a powerful resource that has become a cherished companion in my own journey as a trauma survivor (thriver!).
May 20, 2025
“When we outshine trauma, we extinguish the pain of intergenerational legacies we have inherited.” This means that even if we didn’t choose the painful experiences we’ve endured, it’s still up to us to heal, not because we’re "broken", but because we are worthy of a life where we feel whole, secure, and fulfilled. One day, your story of resilience and healing will serve as a beacon for someone else navigating their own darkness. Healing isn’t just personal, it’s meant to be shared as the author highlights.
April 25, 2025
In dit boek laat Ralph de la Rosa zien hoe je trauma's kan helen die je bij je diepste, natuurlijke staat van zijn kunnen brengen. Wanneer je moeilijk los kan komen van herhalende patronen en emoties die gerelateerd zijn aan trauma en voor diegene die een nieuwe stap willen zetten in posttraumatische groei. Hij laat je zien hoe je het geestelijk inzicht krijgt en een diep mededogen voor de meest uitdagende delen van jezelf. Aan de hand van innovatieve en op onderzoek gebaseerde Internal Family Systems in combinatie met boeddhistische meditatie laat hij zien hoe het helingsproces van trauma's je terug kan voeren naar je kern. Het boek biedt verschillende schrijfoefeningen, ervaringsgerichte oefeningen en geleide meditaties.
Mijn ervaring:
Wat een heerlijk, spiritueel en mooi boek dat je tot verstilling brengt. Wat me direct opviel toen ik startte met dit boek, was hoe gehaast en gejaagd ik op dat moment door het leven heen ging. Door de compassievolle, rustige en heldere schrijfstijl van Ralph de La Rosa kwam ik echt tot bezinning en mezelf.
Het boek begint met een helder voorwoord, inleiding en een uitleg hoe je dit boek kan gebruiken en toe kan passen op jezelf. Vervolgens is het boek opgedeeld in drie delen: 1) De wortels, 2) De takken, 3) De bladeren. Op deze wijze doorloopt Ralph de la Rosa het proces en de stappen die gezet moeten worden voor de heling van het trauma. Het is een fijne en heldere methode die goed wordt uitgelegd.
In het eerste deel bekijk je de doorleefde ervaring van trauma en het proces van heel worden. Op vrij spirituele wijze legt Ralph de la Rosa het Internal Family System-model uit en keer je naar binnen. Hij legt in de hoofdstukken onder andere uit dat je stap voor stap naar binnen moet keren, het donker moet opzoeken en wat het doel van heling is. Op deze wijze weet hij je te inspireren om door te zetten wanneer het moeilijk gaat worden en geeft hij je kracht voor wat er mogelijk is na de heling van het trauma.
In het tweede deel ga je aan de slag met meditaties, schrijfoefeningen en leer je zelf mededogen te hebben. In dit deel worden de oefeningen stap voor stap uitgelegd. Je kan ze rustig doorlezen en daarna in eigen tempo uitvoeren. De oefeningen waren goed te doen, maar ik moet zeggen dat ik zelf meer de voorkeur heb voor een begeleide meditatie met geluid die me tijdens de oefening hierbij ondersteunt. Wel vond ik de diversiteit aan meditaties en oefeningen goed en leer je op verschillende manieren een ervaring, je gevoel en emoties te bekijken.
In het derde deel komt Lojong, tonglen en de spiritualiteit van repareting aan bod. Ik moet zeggen dat dit het meest spirituele en zwevende stuk van het boek was. Er zaten in dit deel interessante stukken, al waren er ook een aantal dingen, die voor mij persoonlijk net iets te zweverig voelde. Toch gaf het een verruimende blik op trauma's en heling van jezelf.
Uit de schaduw van trauma is een mooi, spiritueel en fijn boek om stapsgewijs met je trauma's aan de slag te gaan. Ralph de la Rosa weet op heldere, rustige en compassievolle wijze naar trauma's, zelfcompassie, heling en posttraumatische groei te kijken. Naast heldere uitleg, bevat het boek ook schrijfoefeningen, ervaringsgerichte oefeningen en diverse meditaties.
Mijn ervaring:
Wat een heerlijk, spiritueel en mooi boek dat je tot verstilling brengt. Wat me direct opviel toen ik startte met dit boek, was hoe gehaast en gejaagd ik op dat moment door het leven heen ging. Door de compassievolle, rustige en heldere schrijfstijl van Ralph de La Rosa kwam ik echt tot bezinning en mezelf.
Het boek begint met een helder voorwoord, inleiding en een uitleg hoe je dit boek kan gebruiken en toe kan passen op jezelf. Vervolgens is het boek opgedeeld in drie delen: 1) De wortels, 2) De takken, 3) De bladeren. Op deze wijze doorloopt Ralph de la Rosa het proces en de stappen die gezet moeten worden voor de heling van het trauma. Het is een fijne en heldere methode die goed wordt uitgelegd.
In het eerste deel bekijk je de doorleefde ervaring van trauma en het proces van heel worden. Op vrij spirituele wijze legt Ralph de la Rosa het Internal Family System-model uit en keer je naar binnen. Hij legt in de hoofdstukken onder andere uit dat je stap voor stap naar binnen moet keren, het donker moet opzoeken en wat het doel van heling is. Op deze wijze weet hij je te inspireren om door te zetten wanneer het moeilijk gaat worden en geeft hij je kracht voor wat er mogelijk is na de heling van het trauma.
In het tweede deel ga je aan de slag met meditaties, schrijfoefeningen en leer je zelf mededogen te hebben. In dit deel worden de oefeningen stap voor stap uitgelegd. Je kan ze rustig doorlezen en daarna in eigen tempo uitvoeren. De oefeningen waren goed te doen, maar ik moet zeggen dat ik zelf meer de voorkeur heb voor een begeleide meditatie met geluid die me tijdens de oefening hierbij ondersteunt. Wel vond ik de diversiteit aan meditaties en oefeningen goed en leer je op verschillende manieren een ervaring, je gevoel en emoties te bekijken.
In het derde deel komt Lojong, tonglen en de spiritualiteit van repareting aan bod. Ik moet zeggen dat dit het meest spirituele en zwevende stuk van het boek was. Er zaten in dit deel interessante stukken, al waren er ook een aantal dingen, die voor mij persoonlijk net iets te zweverig voelde. Toch gaf het een verruimende blik op trauma's en heling van jezelf.
Uit de schaduw van trauma is een mooi, spiritueel en fijn boek om stapsgewijs met je trauma's aan de slag te gaan. Ralph de la Rosa weet op heldere, rustige en compassievolle wijze naar trauma's, zelfcompassie, heling en posttraumatische groei te kijken. Naast heldere uitleg, bevat het boek ook schrijfoefeningen, ervaringsgerichte oefeningen en diverse meditaties.
September 4, 2025
This is my favorite IFS book thus far. Ralph did such an incredible job, taking the ideas of IFS and packaging it into a beautifully written and heartfelt manual that incorporates buddhist thought while staying true to Richard's Schwartz original model. I came to this book (and IFS) after attending a meditation retreat that opened up so many feelings and emotions that I was unable to really effectively process. It was overwhelming. While I read a variety of IFS books that were all helpful in their own ways, this one really felt like there was so much heart and compassion within in it, and it's very well organized. I really thank Ralph and Richard for giving us the tools to work with all the emotions that come up, and effectively, giving us more empathy for ourselves, and in turn.. for others. When this therapy model is paired with mindfulness, it can be incredibly powerful.
I was so saddened to find out that Ralph had passed away very recently. He left a lovely shining beacon of light in his wake. Thank you Ralph, for all you shared with this world.
I was so saddened to find out that Ralph had passed away very recently. He left a lovely shining beacon of light in his wake. Thank you Ralph, for all you shared with this world.
December 12, 2024
It can be a minefield to find ones way to mental/life wellness in the whirly world of self-help books & therapists however to have at your fingertips, the ability to work thru debilitating trauma yourself, is valuable beyond words.
At only half-way thru, I'm compelled to drop a quick review on Outshining Trauma.
Ralph De La Rosa has created a very masterful tender path towards healing with buckets of
radical self-love, skillfully weaving Internal Family Systems (IFS) with mediation & mindfulness.
Ralph drops beautiful thoughtful breadcrumbs to work thru trauma with personal practices to transform the most lost & painful parts to quiet contented ones.
Healing is not a passive action, and Ralph makes this journey alongside the reader with an experience that goes beyond the page.
At only half-way thru, I'm compelled to drop a quick review on Outshining Trauma.
Ralph De La Rosa has created a very masterful tender path towards healing with buckets of
radical self-love, skillfully weaving Internal Family Systems (IFS) with mediation & mindfulness.
Ralph drops beautiful thoughtful breadcrumbs to work thru trauma with personal practices to transform the most lost & painful parts to quiet contented ones.
Healing is not a passive action, and Ralph makes this journey alongside the reader with an experience that goes beyond the page.
December 26, 2024
After reading “The Monkey Is The Messenger” and “Don’t Tell Me To Relax”, picking up this book was a no-brainer, and it surpassed all of my expectations by far! The different lenses it provides makes this a must read for those who are struggling to keep their head above water in the aftermath of trauma, mental healthcare providers, teachers and fellow human beings alike. All of the shared, lived experiences, combined with practical and inspiring information makes it, in my humble opinion, nearly impossible not to integrate at least a large portion of what is offered and shared by Ralph De La Rosa in this captivating work that will undoubtedly contribute to a better relationship with our internal parts, wellbeing, resilience, peacefulness and understanding for those who read it.
December 4, 2024
This book clearly and compassionately delineates Ralph’s method of combining IFS (Internal Family System—“Parts Work”) with Buddhist meditation. Ralph’s approach nurtures deep and radical healing and once learned can be done by anyone at any time with great benefit. The approach engenders love and curiosity towards the Parts we have created in our lives to deal with untenable situations. The approach focuses tenderness on what is unconsciously managing our life behaviors. The approach recognizes that awareness is the first step in healing. I have been gobsmacked by how this work has liberated me from old patterns. Ralph’s work is truly a healing gift to the world.
November 9, 2025
I came across IFS in an online Buddhist retreat offered by Gaia House. The retreat leader recommended Ralph De La Rosa as a 'talented' teacher. I have since then practiced with them on Insight Timer and read a couple of books by Richard Schwartz and watched the whole series of mini lectures by Tori Olds on YouTube. This book feels like a perfect way to integrate all these sources of information, and an indispensable guide for meditation practitioners to avoid the 'spiritual bypass'.
June 4, 2025
De La Rosa weaves the latest psychological developments in trauma therapy with Bhuddhist philosophy. It's a very practical book as well with lessons and jounalling at the end of each chapter. Valuable self help with depth.
February 5, 2025
I won this in a Goodreads giveaway and I’m so grateful I just started reading and I know I’m going to be obsessed
July 20, 2025
Couldn’t have enjoyed this more. What a practical book to bring internal healing. If you haven’t heard of IFS, this is a great book to jump into, and if you have, I recommend it all the same.
September 1, 2025
Such a beautiful, insightful book. It took me really long to finish it; I guess sometimes our hearts and parts need time to soften. I guess my biggest takeaway is that although there's inertia to healing, it's always possible and always, always worth it.
Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews