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What to Do When Your Temper Flares: A Kid's Guide to Overcoming Problems With Anger
If you're a kid whose temper quickly flares, a kid whose anger gets too big, too hot, too fast, book is for you.
An updated edition of the classic interactive self-help book, What to Do When Your Temper Flares, pairs everything that worked so well in the original—the conversational tone, interactive elements, clear and actionable strategies—with new mindfulness tool, reordered step-by-step instructions, and updated advice for modern issues. Arms kids with a set of "anger dousing" methods aimed at cooling angry thoughts and controlling angry actions, resulting in calmer, more balanced kids. This interactive self-help book is the complete resource for educating, motivating, and empowering children to work toward change.
Includes a note to parents and caregivers with additional information on cognitive-behavioral techniques used to treat problems with anger.
An updated edition of the classic interactive self-help book, What to Do When Your Temper Flares, pairs everything that worked so well in the original—the conversational tone, interactive elements, clear and actionable strategies—with new mindfulness tool, reordered step-by-step instructions, and updated advice for modern issues. Arms kids with a set of "anger dousing" methods aimed at cooling angry thoughts and controlling angry actions, resulting in calmer, more balanced kids. This interactive self-help book is the complete resource for educating, motivating, and empowering children to work toward change.
Includes a note to parents and caregivers with additional information on cognitive-behavioral techniques used to treat problems with anger.
80 pages, Paperback
First published October 15, 2007
22 people are currently reading
549 people want to read
About the author
Dawn Huebner
32 books74 followersDawn Huebner, PhD, is a Clinical Psychologist and Parent Coach specializing in childhood anxiety. She is the author of 20 books for children (and one for therapists), including bestsellers What to Do When You Worry Too Much and Outsmarting Worry.
Dr. Huebner recognized the need for lively, easy-to-read take-home materials to help children practice the strategies they were learning in her office. She created a format effective for 6-12-year olds – the What to Do Guides for Kids - teaching complex psychological concepts using metaphors, language, and humor easily understood by children. Subsequent books maintain her distinctive voice while adding a layer of detail and sophistication appreciated by older children and teens.
All of Dr. Huebner’s books echo her philosophy - that children can and should be taught to help themselves, and that they are capable of overcoming even stuck-seeming challenges.
Dr. Huebner’s books sell briskly around the world, and have been translated into 23 languages. She has been featured on the TODAY Show, CNN.com, WebMD and many other news and information outlets, and is frequently interviewed by popular parenting magazines. Dr. Huebner’s TEDx talk on Rethinking Anxiety has been viewed over a million times.
Dr. Huebner enjoys hearing from readers. She is always at work on her next book...
Dr. Huebner recognized the need for lively, easy-to-read take-home materials to help children practice the strategies they were learning in her office. She created a format effective for 6-12-year olds – the What to Do Guides for Kids - teaching complex psychological concepts using metaphors, language, and humor easily understood by children. Subsequent books maintain her distinctive voice while adding a layer of detail and sophistication appreciated by older children and teens.
All of Dr. Huebner’s books echo her philosophy - that children can and should be taught to help themselves, and that they are capable of overcoming even stuck-seeming challenges.
Dr. Huebner’s books sell briskly around the world, and have been translated into 23 languages. She has been featured on the TODAY Show, CNN.com, WebMD and many other news and information outlets, and is frequently interviewed by popular parenting magazines. Dr. Huebner’s TEDx talk on Rethinking Anxiety has been viewed over a million times.
Dr. Huebner enjoys hearing from readers. She is always at work on her next book...
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 41 reviews
January 16, 2025
In a Nutshell: An practical resource on anger management. Way more helpful than that ineffectual count-to-ten technique. Targeted at kids, but useful for everyone.
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This is the revised edition of the original interactive self-help book by the same title, first published in 2007. It retains the key elements of the original and adds in strategies for mindfulness and updated advice for today’s issues.
I didn't pick this book to learn anger management techniques for my children, both of whom have a temper (which is normal) but not an explosive one (thank heavens!) This book was more for me. I've struggled with my temper since my childhood and instead of being taught how to manage those emotions, I was always rebuked and told to "stop it." (Ironic, isn't it? Parents lose their temper and scold us to keep a handle on our feelings when they are doing the same thing.🤷🏻♀️)
If you have been through the same problem of having runaway emotions (whether anger or fear or anxiety or anything else), you'll know that "stop it" is easier said than done. The only technique that I had heard for controlling temper was the ridiculous count-to-ten method. Frankly, when you've lost all control of yourself, you don't even remember to count, and on the rare occasion that you do, ten is nowhere near a good number to calm down the boil to a simmer. So this method was almost always useless for me. Now that I've read this book, I just wish someone had given it to me in my childhood.
I'm not at all a fan of self-help books because they are either vapid or they offer bland motivational advice that is hardly ever practical. One reason why I loved this book so much is that every single technique herein is accessible to little minds (and older ones as well.) There’s no method that needs you to go to a specific location or get a specific object or implement a difficult routine. Every technique is easy and achievable if practised diligently.
The book doesn’t simply dole out advice in textual format. The learning is interactive, so there are various drawing and writing prompts along the way. The illustrations in the book complement the advice brilliantly. As they are in grayscale, they don’t steal focus from the core content.
Parents and caregivers need to begin with the detailed note addressed to them at the start as it clarifies the right approach to go through this book. I found this note very helpful.
As the book rightly says, anger isn't bad but we need to learn how to use it constructively rather than destructively. Thus every solution in the book isn’t towards quashing bad temper but on dealing with it in the right manner. I love this! Anger is a normal component of human emotions, and suppressing it can lead to all sorts of health issues. So a mindful handling of it will be beneficial not just to the person who has a loose fuse but also to those around them.
Much recommended. The language and techniques in this helpful guide would be perfect for readers aged 7+.
4.25 stars.
My thanks to Magination Press for providing the DRC of “What to Do When Your Temper Flares” via Edelweiss+. This review is voluntary and contains my honest opinion about the book.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Connect with me through:
My Blog || The StoryGraph || Instagram || X/Twitter || Facebook ||
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is the revised edition of the original interactive self-help book by the same title, first published in 2007. It retains the key elements of the original and adds in strategies for mindfulness and updated advice for today’s issues.
I didn't pick this book to learn anger management techniques for my children, both of whom have a temper (which is normal) but not an explosive one (thank heavens!) This book was more for me. I've struggled with my temper since my childhood and instead of being taught how to manage those emotions, I was always rebuked and told to "stop it." (Ironic, isn't it? Parents lose their temper and scold us to keep a handle on our feelings when they are doing the same thing.🤷🏻♀️)
If you have been through the same problem of having runaway emotions (whether anger or fear or anxiety or anything else), you'll know that "stop it" is easier said than done. The only technique that I had heard for controlling temper was the ridiculous count-to-ten method. Frankly, when you've lost all control of yourself, you don't even remember to count, and on the rare occasion that you do, ten is nowhere near a good number to calm down the boil to a simmer. So this method was almost always useless for me. Now that I've read this book, I just wish someone had given it to me in my childhood.
I'm not at all a fan of self-help books because they are either vapid or they offer bland motivational advice that is hardly ever practical. One reason why I loved this book so much is that every single technique herein is accessible to little minds (and older ones as well.) There’s no method that needs you to go to a specific location or get a specific object or implement a difficult routine. Every technique is easy and achievable if practised diligently.
The book doesn’t simply dole out advice in textual format. The learning is interactive, so there are various drawing and writing prompts along the way. The illustrations in the book complement the advice brilliantly. As they are in grayscale, they don’t steal focus from the core content.
Parents and caregivers need to begin with the detailed note addressed to them at the start as it clarifies the right approach to go through this book. I found this note very helpful.
As the book rightly says, anger isn't bad but we need to learn how to use it constructively rather than destructively. Thus every solution in the book isn’t towards quashing bad temper but on dealing with it in the right manner. I love this! Anger is a normal component of human emotions, and suppressing it can lead to all sorts of health issues. So a mindful handling of it will be beneficial not just to the person who has a loose fuse but also to those around them.
Much recommended. The language and techniques in this helpful guide would be perfect for readers aged 7+.
4.25 stars.
My thanks to Magination Press for providing the DRC of “What to Do When Your Temper Flares” via Edelweiss+. This review is voluntary and contains my honest opinion about the book.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Connect with me through:
My Blog || The StoryGraph || Instagram || X/Twitter || Facebook ||
August 6, 2024
After reading both What to Do When You Worry Too Much Second Edition: A Kid's Guide to Overcoming Anxiety and What to Do When Mistakes Make You Quake: A Kid's Guide to Accepting Imperfection and seeing what a great tool they were, I was so excited to find a version on temper as well!
Just like in the other 2 cases, this 2nd edition has a much more modern feel, and I'm pleased to see that some of the content has been changed/updated to reflect our understanding of mindfulness at present. When we know better, we need to do better. Dawn Huebner seems to uphold that sentiment once again! Reordering some of the steps in this edition was a nuanced change, but one that I certainly found value in.
My son isn't even 2 years old yet, so I wouldn't personally use this right now. But I'm hoping that by the time this would be feasible for him there will be an even newer edition we can purchase. If not, I'll be adding this exact book to our family library :)
{I voluntarily read and reviewed an advance copy of this book provided by the publisher, American Psychological Association, via NetGalley and Edelweiss. All thoughts and opinions are my own.}
Just like in the other 2 cases, this 2nd edition has a much more modern feel, and I'm pleased to see that some of the content has been changed/updated to reflect our understanding of mindfulness at present. When we know better, we need to do better. Dawn Huebner seems to uphold that sentiment once again! Reordering some of the steps in this edition was a nuanced change, but one that I certainly found value in.
My son isn't even 2 years old yet, so I wouldn't personally use this right now. But I'm hoping that by the time this would be feasible for him there will be an even newer edition we can purchase. If not, I'll be adding this exact book to our family library :)
{I voluntarily read and reviewed an advance copy of this book provided by the publisher, American Psychological Association, via NetGalley and Edelweiss. All thoughts and opinions are my own.}
February 12, 2020
This is an excellent workbook about anger management! To be completely honest, my daughter is quite even-tempered so it was grown-up me who got some good lessons from this book:
The secret about anger: The only thing that makes you angry is YOU.
Anger is like a fire that can flare up or fizzle out.
Anger-dousing methods: take a break (walk away from the scene of the anger and find something else to do), think cool thoughts ("I can handle this"), release anger safely either actively (going for a run) or slowing down, solve the problem by working out a flexible solution, compromise, brainstorming.
Just move on: "Moving on isn't giving up and isn't giving in. In some situations, it's actually the smartest, most powerful thing you can do, because you're deciding not to waste your time or energy fighting against something that doesn't matter all that much."
Paybacks: when someone is mean to you, don't be mean back. You can decide that it is a lousy game and just drop the ball and walk away.
Grow a fuse using good food, exercise and enough sleep.
The secret about anger: The only thing that makes you angry is YOU.
Anger is like a fire that can flare up or fizzle out.
Anger-dousing methods: take a break (walk away from the scene of the anger and find something else to do), think cool thoughts ("I can handle this"), release anger safely either actively (going for a run) or slowing down, solve the problem by working out a flexible solution, compromise, brainstorming.
Just move on: "Moving on isn't giving up and isn't giving in. In some situations, it's actually the smartest, most powerful thing you can do, because you're deciding not to waste your time or energy fighting against something that doesn't matter all that much."
Paybacks: when someone is mean to you, don't be mean back. You can decide that it is a lousy game and just drop the ball and walk away.
Grow a fuse using good food, exercise and enough sleep.
March 2, 2018
Another hit in the "What to Do" series.
My daughters and I have talked about these tools and techniques one on one, with the rest of the family over the dinner table, and many other places. Usually they bring it up when their sibling is starting to lose control- but hey! Recognition is happening. Next is working on personal application. :)
Ideas for dealing with short fuses, prickly balls other people throw at you, cool thoughts, and taking a break among others are shared. Several examples and exercises are provided for each.
One of the highlights was a paragraph near the end telling the kids that adults they admire who are calm in hot situations likely use these techniques too. That paragraph dismisses the belief that people are born a certain way and can't change how we respond to situations or stimuli. It offers hope to kids as they discover how to navigate this world of ups and downs. Thank goodness.
My daughters and I have talked about these tools and techniques one on one, with the rest of the family over the dinner table, and many other places. Usually they bring it up when their sibling is starting to lose control- but hey! Recognition is happening. Next is working on personal application. :)
Ideas for dealing with short fuses, prickly balls other people throw at you, cool thoughts, and taking a break among others are shared. Several examples and exercises are provided for each.
One of the highlights was a paragraph near the end telling the kids that adults they admire who are calm in hot situations likely use these techniques too. That paragraph dismisses the belief that people are born a certain way and can't change how we respond to situations or stimuli. It offers hope to kids as they discover how to navigate this world of ups and downs. Thank goodness.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 15, 2017
This book is an excellent resource for parents and teachers of school-aged children regarding teaching kids to manage anger and other strong emotions. It is laid out in a workbook format that allows parents and kids to read about strategies and then come up with their own real life scenarios and solutions. It helps kids to work on changing unhelpful thinking and behaviors and to solve problems in an approach similar to cognitive behavioral therapy techniques. Of note- the strategies in this book would be helpful for all kids (and adults!) not just those with "behavior problems". We will definitely come back to this again in our family.
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September 21, 2023Editie a cartii https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/2...
March 21, 2025
This is an update of the c2007 title, also by Huebner.
This workbook from the What-to-Do Guides for Kids series from Magination Press is filled with explanations and strategies. An opening note for parents/caregivers explains how to use this book. It is at that point that Huebner begins to explain to the child what anger is (a normal emotion), the need to harness it in constructive (not destructive) ways. She then gives examples of 4 different strategies to try to control it (reset the brain, take a break, think cool thoughts, or solve the problem), explains what payback is and how to avoid that (since it does not solve, rather repeats over and over), encourages growing patience and self-care to make the best choices, and reviews each strategy.
Clinical psychologist-author Huebner’s tone is just right to use with today’s kids. The examples given are relevant to most kids, as they are potential real-life situations. Cartoonish B&W line drawings with a gray wash by Irma Ruggeiro add a lightness and humor and works well with the text. Lots of space encourages readers to linger on the art and the words.
Note: There are fill in the blanks and boxes, making this more of a workbook for children, though this should be used by a parent/teacher/counselor/therapist with the child – not handed to the child as an assignment to do.
Highly recommended for adult/professional to use as bibliotherapy with a child.
This workbook from the What-to-Do Guides for Kids series from Magination Press is filled with explanations and strategies. An opening note for parents/caregivers explains how to use this book. It is at that point that Huebner begins to explain to the child what anger is (a normal emotion), the need to harness it in constructive (not destructive) ways. She then gives examples of 4 different strategies to try to control it (reset the brain, take a break, think cool thoughts, or solve the problem), explains what payback is and how to avoid that (since it does not solve, rather repeats over and over), encourages growing patience and self-care to make the best choices, and reviews each strategy.
Clinical psychologist-author Huebner’s tone is just right to use with today’s kids. The examples given are relevant to most kids, as they are potential real-life situations. Cartoonish B&W line drawings with a gray wash by Irma Ruggeiro add a lightness and humor and works well with the text. Lots of space encourages readers to linger on the art and the words.
Note: There are fill in the blanks and boxes, making this more of a workbook for children, though this should be used by a parent/teacher/counselor/therapist with the child – not handed to the child as an assignment to do.
Highly recommended for adult/professional to use as bibliotherapy with a child.
August 26, 2025
This is an update of the c2007 title, also by Huebner.
This workbook from the What-to-Do Guides for Kids series from Magination Press is filled with explanations and strategies. An opening note for parents/caregivers explains how to use this book. It is at that point that Huebner begins to explain to the child what anger is (a normal emotion), the need to harness it in constructive (not destructive) ways. She then gives examples of 4 different strategies to try to control it (reset the brain, take a break, think cool thoughts, or solve the problem), explains what payback is and how to avoid that (since it does not solve, rather repeats over and over), encourages growing patience and self-care to make the best choices, and reviews each strategy.
Clinical psychologist-author Huebner’s tone is just right to use with today’s kids. The examples given are relevant to most kids, as they are potential real-life situations. Cartoonish B&W line drawings with a gray wash by Irma Ruggeiro add a lightness and humor and works well with the text. Lots of space encourages readers to linger on the art and the words.
Note: There are fill in the blanks and boxes, making this more of a workbook for children, though this should be used by a parent/teacher/counselor/therapist with the child – not handed to the child as an assignment to do.
Highly recommended for adult/professional to use as bibliotherapy with a child.
S.B.
Children's Literature Consultant
This workbook from the What-to-Do Guides for Kids series from Magination Press is filled with explanations and strategies. An opening note for parents/caregivers explains how to use this book. It is at that point that Huebner begins to explain to the child what anger is (a normal emotion), the need to harness it in constructive (not destructive) ways. She then gives examples of 4 different strategies to try to control it (reset the brain, take a break, think cool thoughts, or solve the problem), explains what payback is and how to avoid that (since it does not solve, rather repeats over and over), encourages growing patience and self-care to make the best choices, and reviews each strategy.
Clinical psychologist-author Huebner’s tone is just right to use with today’s kids. The examples given are relevant to most kids, as they are potential real-life situations. Cartoonish B&W line drawings with a gray wash by Irma Ruggeiro add a lightness and humor and works well with the text. Lots of space encourages readers to linger on the art and the words.
Note: There are fill in the blanks and boxes, making this more of a workbook for children, though this should be used by a parent/teacher/counselor/therapist with the child – not handed to the child as an assignment to do.
Highly recommended for adult/professional to use as bibliotherapy with a child.
S.B.
Children's Literature Consultant
January 31, 2025
All children, as well as adults, deal with anger in different ways. Some struggle with understanding the emotion and what to do to help get themselves through it. This is another brilliant self-help book designed for children from this wonderful series. This book starts by helping children understand the emotion of anger and what it makes us feel and even do. This book then helps children by using several different “anger dousing” methods that help us to learn to control the anger, cool those angry and upsetting thoughts and finding ways to calm. The activities are so wonderful and give the children some ideas of what to do to make things easier for themselves. I found so many of the activities extremely helpful, even to me as an adult. I use the some of the calming down methods for myself as well as for my son. It is so creative and encouraging to children, which I love.
I love this series. It has been a huge help in our home. My son is on the autism spectrum and these books are so helpful. I can not say enough about how amazing this book has been. I would give it a million stars!!! Share together with your family.
I love this series. It has been a huge help in our home. My son is on the autism spectrum and these books are so helpful. I can not say enough about how amazing this book has been. I would give it a million stars!!! Share together with your family.
October 17, 2024
An excellent workbook for children that educates on the cost/benefit of anger, cognitive distortions, healthy coping skills and psychoeducation on the fight or flight response.
Some quick essentials about this book:
1. The language used in this book is appropriate for the age level from 8-14 in my opinion.
2. Lots of interactive discussion questions and activities that children will find engaging.
3. The illustrations in this book are also fun! I am a therapist that works with. Children often, so having a workbook that has amusing illustrations is a big plus! A lot of children that I have worked with often get disengaged due to just words on a page, this workbook looks almost like a story book in some ways.
I love how this workbook addresses multiple ways to cool anger, addressing negative thoughts, impulsiveness and mindfulness skills that children can utilize. I'm a big advocate for having a multifaceted approach when managing strong emotions.
Thank you netgalley for the ARC of this book
Some quick essentials about this book:
1. The language used in this book is appropriate for the age level from 8-14 in my opinion.
2. Lots of interactive discussion questions and activities that children will find engaging.
3. The illustrations in this book are also fun! I am a therapist that works with. Children often, so having a workbook that has amusing illustrations is a big plus! A lot of children that I have worked with often get disengaged due to just words on a page, this workbook looks almost like a story book in some ways.
I love how this workbook addresses multiple ways to cool anger, addressing negative thoughts, impulsiveness and mindfulness skills that children can utilize. I'm a big advocate for having a multifaceted approach when managing strong emotions.
Thank you netgalley for the ARC of this book
December 16, 2024
“What to do When Your Temper Flares” is another book in the “What to do When” series from Magination Press. As the title implies, there are practical strategies for children to use when they are feeling overcome with anger.
The book talks about what anger is, why we might feel it, and how it sometimes feels in our bodies. Then there are a series of strategies to try. I particularly like the physical activity suggestion. According to the book, not only does it help in the short term, it also helps with mood overall. The book is great at reminding kids that anger is a normal emotion, but that it can become destructive if we don’t develop strategies for handling it appropriately.
There is a section for the adults in the child’s life. It gently suggests that the strategies mentioned in the book are good for adults as well.
This book is great for kids who have difficulties coping with anger and their caregivers.
I received an advance review copy for free from Netgalley and Magination Press, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
The book talks about what anger is, why we might feel it, and how it sometimes feels in our bodies. Then there are a series of strategies to try. I particularly like the physical activity suggestion. According to the book, not only does it help in the short term, it also helps with mood overall. The book is great at reminding kids that anger is a normal emotion, but that it can become destructive if we don’t develop strategies for handling it appropriately.
There is a section for the adults in the child’s life. It gently suggests that the strategies mentioned in the book are good for adults as well.
This book is great for kids who have difficulties coping with anger and their caregivers.
I received an advance review copy for free from Netgalley and Magination Press, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
March 21, 2018
I use this book with kids who have anger issues. We work through it a chapter at a time as part of our sessions, and then they get to take it home with them when we're all done. Sometimes I modify specific parts depending on the client. Kids really like it--it's a nonthreatening, nonblaming way to approach angry feelings. Highly recommended.
March 29, 2019
Excellent explanation of how to manage anger for kids and grownups alike. A campfire is a great metaphor, and works well with the CBT techniques introduced as the book goes on. I borrowed this from the library but it seems like a book I should buy to refer to when Trixie's (or my) anger needs some help.
March 21, 2020
I paired this workbook with the Disney Pixar movie Inside Out to help tackle some difficult emotional issues. It has been an excellent resource in providing the knowledge and encouragement needed to deal with anger in a healthy way. A new and welcomed sense of peace and ownership has been found here. I look forward to reading the authors other books.
November 20, 2017
This workbook is a great guide for parents and kids looking to better manage big emotions. It is non-pathologizing, normalizing, and uses humor to make it accessible. I have used with my own kids and those I work with. Appropriate for ages 6-10.
July 18, 2017
Have an angry kid? Get this book. It offers solid practical advice for how to recognize, manage, diffuse, and delay those angry emotions.
April 7, 2018
I'll come back and adjust this after I've done this with my kids, but I am really excited to try this one, and I think my son will value being able to work on this independently.
June 1, 2018
Useful book for professionals, parents and children. The book provides an explanation of anger, normalises this emotion and also provides tools in order to manage their anger. All of which is provided in a child-friendly mannner. I like how the book encourages parents to read the book with the child and also to take it one chapter at a time in order for them to practice the tools.
January 20, 2020
Never works.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
February 19, 2020
This was a great book for my younger boys. It was easy for them to understand and connect with.
July 28, 2020
Not nearly as helpful as "What to Do When You Grumble Too Much" but I did use the cool thoughts technique on MYSELF during a grumblefest!
May 6, 2024
Use this for students with anger problems. Lots of good strategies for them!
October 6, 2024
This is a great book for kiddos who struggle with flaring tempers. Mine is 10, and he definitely struggles with that, and has since he was very small.
The book starts with a quiz to help you see if your anger is helping you or hurting you (obvious, perhaps, but made my kiddo think) and goes on to detail what anger feels like and what causes it, and then many ways to help you calm it.
The exercises help drive home the lessons and make kids think about their anger and how they can approach things differently.
Highly recommend.
*Thanks to Magination Press for providing an early copy for review.
The book starts with a quiz to help you see if your anger is helping you or hurting you (obvious, perhaps, but made my kiddo think) and goes on to detail what anger feels like and what causes it, and then many ways to help you calm it.
The exercises help drive home the lessons and make kids think about their anger and how they can approach things differently.
Highly recommend.
*Thanks to Magination Press for providing an early copy for review.
January 17, 2013
Note: kids need to be able to grasp analogies in order for them to get anything out of this book.
This book is not preachy, but it speaks to children about anger - it mostly explains how it works. For instance "its a terrible feeling to have anger trapped inside like that. Cooling thoughts help, but sometimes they aren't enough. When anger has made its made into your whole body, it needs to be released to help your body feel okay."
By explaining the mechanism of anger, it helps redirect the responsibility of the feelings and actions related to anger from whatever the child thinks triggered it, to the child's own reactions. A child learns to recognize that a lot of anger has to do with how he or she reacts to a situation, not the situation itself.
There are several important lessons in the book:
1. anger doesn't help. It may feel good at the moment to explode, but the book asks the child "did you have a better day because of anger?" or "do you have more friends because of your anger?" and the child comes to understand that anger is really going against him/her.
2. anger is a lot about "hot thoughts". If you react to something with a "hot thought" (with an illustration of an angry child yelling "this is stupid" or "I hate this") then you are bound to fuel your angry fire. But if you think cool thoughts, you can deal with the same situation much more effectively.
3. anger can be controlled or turned off with various helpful ideas. Their idea of a child taking some time out is very gently and well illustrated, and speaks so directly to the child, that the child sees it in his/her best interest to follow these suggestions.
4. Contrary to popular thought, hitting something when angry does not release anger. A non angry physical activity is a much better solution.
In all, this book is a conversation with children about anger and how to deal with it. It is mostly about awareness -- helping children become aware of what happens between the thing that infuriates them and their explosion. I don't know that the child would be able to take all that awareness and change behavior patterns, but this is as good a first step as I can think of.
This book is not preachy, but it speaks to children about anger - it mostly explains how it works. For instance "its a terrible feeling to have anger trapped inside like that. Cooling thoughts help, but sometimes they aren't enough. When anger has made its made into your whole body, it needs to be released to help your body feel okay."
By explaining the mechanism of anger, it helps redirect the responsibility of the feelings and actions related to anger from whatever the child thinks triggered it, to the child's own reactions. A child learns to recognize that a lot of anger has to do with how he or she reacts to a situation, not the situation itself.
There are several important lessons in the book:
1. anger doesn't help. It may feel good at the moment to explode, but the book asks the child "did you have a better day because of anger?" or "do you have more friends because of your anger?" and the child comes to understand that anger is really going against him/her.
2. anger is a lot about "hot thoughts". If you react to something with a "hot thought" (with an illustration of an angry child yelling "this is stupid" or "I hate this") then you are bound to fuel your angry fire. But if you think cool thoughts, you can deal with the same situation much more effectively.
3. anger can be controlled or turned off with various helpful ideas. Their idea of a child taking some time out is very gently and well illustrated, and speaks so directly to the child, that the child sees it in his/her best interest to follow these suggestions.
4. Contrary to popular thought, hitting something when angry does not release anger. A non angry physical activity is a much better solution.
In all, this book is a conversation with children about anger and how to deal with it. It is mostly about awareness -- helping children become aware of what happens between the thing that infuriates them and their explosion. I don't know that the child would be able to take all that awareness and change behavior patterns, but this is as good a first step as I can think of.
December 23, 2016
What a great book! I strongly recommend it to everyone of all ages - seriously! I was so impressed that here is a book that addresses anger issues in the way that I firmly believe emotions MUST be dealt with. It walks the reader through steps to identify issues that are upsetting and how to deal with them in constructive ways. The greatest lesson, in my opinion, that is eloquently taught in this book is the fact that individuals are responsible for their own reactions to situations they encounter. In other words, even though we can't necessarily prevent bad things from happening to us, we can decide how we are going to react to what we experience.
This is a vital lesson that all of us need to learn and the sooner/younger we learn it, the better. The main reason that I am so thrilled by this book is that shortly before I read it, I realized that the person I was involved with took absolutely NO ownership of their negative emotions and chose to blame them on situations and people that presented the unpleasant situations into their life. I realized that at 50+ years old, there was no way I would ever be able to convince them that there was another way to look at life's challenges. I have known that I am responsible for my own feelings and what I do with them since I was a young child. My partner refused to even fathom the possibility that they had any control over their negative emotions. They couldn't accept the fact that they bore any responsibility for their negative emotions either.
When I realized and accepted this fundamental difference in our personalities, I immediately was able to accept that the relationship had no future and needed to end immediately. Mercifully, this book was able to help me teach my youngest child some of the skills needed to adapt to the changes that my ending that relationship brought with it.
As it turns out, this book is just one in a series of books aimed at helping children overcome difficult emotional issues like anxiety, ADHD, OCD, and other issues. I look forward to reading more of the books in the series.
This is a vital lesson that all of us need to learn and the sooner/younger we learn it, the better. The main reason that I am so thrilled by this book is that shortly before I read it, I realized that the person I was involved with took absolutely NO ownership of their negative emotions and chose to blame them on situations and people that presented the unpleasant situations into their life. I realized that at 50+ years old, there was no way I would ever be able to convince them that there was another way to look at life's challenges. I have known that I am responsible for my own feelings and what I do with them since I was a young child. My partner refused to even fathom the possibility that they had any control over their negative emotions. They couldn't accept the fact that they bore any responsibility for their negative emotions either.
When I realized and accepted this fundamental difference in our personalities, I immediately was able to accept that the relationship had no future and needed to end immediately. Mercifully, this book was able to help me teach my youngest child some of the skills needed to adapt to the changes that my ending that relationship brought with it.
As it turns out, this book is just one in a series of books aimed at helping children overcome difficult emotional issues like anxiety, ADHD, OCD, and other issues. I look forward to reading more of the books in the series.
October 27, 2014
This is geared for 6-12 year olds, and I think it'll be age appropriate. I've been looking for some tools to help the kids cool down. This book takes a very logical approach and uses some good analogies. Many of the ideas are things I've already said, but it might be better received coming from a neutral party. There are lots of practical things to try, and there are places to write down thoughts or draw pictures. I checked it out from the library, and it seems useful enough that I bought a copy so the kids can actually write in it. If they read it and apply it and it helps, I'll ramp the rating up to 5 stars!
July 12, 2025
Thank you to 'Magination Press, an imprint of the American Psychological Association, and Netgalley
Comical illustrations aid in explaining reasons one becomes angry, the physical effects, and strategies, referred to as “Anger Dousing”, which help to disrupt the anger. The 2nd edition (2025) of this self help title Includes advice for parents and caregivers, as well mindfulness techniques. Although written for youth, this exception resource is written in such a way to make it easy to understand , and it belongs in the hands of any child or adult who is struggling with anger.
#WhattoDoWhenYourTemperFlares2ndEdition
Comical illustrations aid in explaining reasons one becomes angry, the physical effects, and strategies, referred to as “Anger Dousing”, which help to disrupt the anger. The 2nd edition (2025) of this self help title Includes advice for parents and caregivers, as well mindfulness techniques. Although written for youth, this exception resource is written in such a way to make it easy to understand , and it belongs in the hands of any child or adult who is struggling with anger.
#WhattoDoWhenYourTemperFlares2ndEdition
November 6, 2013
It may be written for children, but it is perfectly suited to me, the mother, as well. (Maybe I'm just juvenile when it comes to anger management.) Great ideas to try and skills to learn. I read it aloud with my daughter and we had great discussions about the topic. Because we read it together, I think it will really help my family with being slow to anger and resolving issues and reducing contention. And isn't that what all families want? :) Highly recommended if your family, children or adults, has issues with anger.
August 25, 2015
Our 8 year old started reading this yesterday and already using some of the strategies in the book.
The book starts off with an extremely kid-accessible way of explaining that only we are responsible for our anger, and encourages kids to think about how anger negatively impacts them. The next chapters describe strategies for cooling off before getting angry.
I love how a book is able to get through to her in a way that I was unable to do. And I'm thinking these strategies could help me too...I do plan to model them so we can work on this together.
Yay!
The book starts off with an extremely kid-accessible way of explaining that only we are responsible for our anger, and encourages kids to think about how anger negatively impacts them. The next chapters describe strategies for cooling off before getting angry.
I love how a book is able to get through to her in a way that I was unable to do. And I'm thinking these strategies could help me too...I do plan to model them so we can work on this together.
Yay!
January 6, 2018
This was a really great book to read as a mom. It has helped me gain a better understanding of how to talk to my kids about their tempers, their feelings, and then how to cope better with them. I really appreciate the author doing such a great job of carefully putting together a book that can help both parents and kids learn how to cope with their anger in a helpful manner.
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