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There Is No Ethan: How Three Women Caught America's Biggest Catfish
9 hours, 57 minutes
Part memoir, part explosive window into the mind of a catfisher, a thrilling personal account of three women coming face-to-face with an internet predator and teaming up to expose them
In 2011 three successful and highly educated women fell head over heels for the brilliant and charming Ethan Schuman. Unbeknownst to the others, each exchanged countless messages with Ethan, staying up late into the evenings to deepen their connections with this fascinating man. His detailed excuses about broken webcams and complicated international calling plans seemed believable, as did last-minute trip cancellations. After all, why would he lie? Ethan wasn't after money—he never convinced his marks to shell out thousands of dollars for some imagined crisis. Rather, he ensnared these women in a web of intense emotional intimacy.
After the trio independently began to question inconsistencies in their new flame's stories, they managed to find one another and uncover a greater deception than they could have ever imagined. As Anna Akbari and the women untangled their catfish’s web, they found other victims and realized that without a proper crime, there was no legal reason for “Ethan” to ever stop.
There is No Ethan catalogues Akbari's experience as both victim and observer. By looking at the bigger picture—a world where technology mediates our relationships; where words and images are easily manipulated; and where truth, reality, and identity have become slippery terms—Akbari provides an explanation for why these stories matter.
Part memoir, part explosive window into the mind of a catfisher, a thrilling personal account of three women coming face-to-face with an internet predator and teaming up to expose them
In 2011 three successful and highly educated women fell head over heels for the brilliant and charming Ethan Schuman. Unbeknownst to the others, each exchanged countless messages with Ethan, staying up late into the evenings to deepen their connections with this fascinating man. His detailed excuses about broken webcams and complicated international calling plans seemed believable, as did last-minute trip cancellations. After all, why would he lie? Ethan wasn't after money—he never convinced his marks to shell out thousands of dollars for some imagined crisis. Rather, he ensnared these women in a web of intense emotional intimacy.
After the trio independently began to question inconsistencies in their new flame's stories, they managed to find one another and uncover a greater deception than they could have ever imagined. As Anna Akbari and the women untangled their catfish’s web, they found other victims and realized that without a proper crime, there was no legal reason for “Ethan” to ever stop.
There is No Ethan catalogues Akbari's experience as both victim and observer. By looking at the bigger picture—a world where technology mediates our relationships; where words and images are easily manipulated; and where truth, reality, and identity have become slippery terms—Akbari provides an explanation for why these stories matter.
Audible Audio
First published June 4, 2024
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About the author
Anna Akbari
5 books88 followersAnna Akbari, PhD, is a sociologist and the author of multiple books, including collaborations with more than a dozen authors and public figures across multiple fields and industries. She is a former professor at New York University and Parsons School of Design. She speaks internationally, makes regular media appearances, and has written for or been featured by many top media outlets, including the New York Times, CNN, Forbes, the Atlantic,Time, the Financial Times, TED, Bulletproof Executive, Psychology Today, Google Talks, Sirius XM, and many more. She is the creator of the Substack “The Sociology of… Everything.” Learn more at annaakbari.com, and follow on Instagram / Threads: @annaakbari.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,616 reviews
April 12, 2024
I will never again make fun of my friends who worry they are being catfished after reading There is No Ethan by Anna Akbari. I think this review will work best as a Q&A with questions I think you may have as a reader:
1. Is it very good?
Yes.
2. Will I like it if I have never internet dated?
First of all, I'm bitter and jealous that you didn't have to get on dating apps while the rest of us were fighting for our lives out there. But I owe you an answer and yes, I think you will. While the method of this dating may not be universal, getting sucked in and abused by a toxic person is definitely universal.
3. Yeah, but only foolish or lonely people would fall for a catfish, right?
The author, Anna Akbari, is a PhD sociologist. She didn't come from money and had to work hard to even get through school. She had previous healthy relationships and an active social life including doing things I didn't know you could do like house swapping, but I digress. The other women in the story are equally accomplished and socially adept so chill out, dude. Your tone is all wrong. It can happen to anyone.
4. Ok, so "Ethan" was a master manipulator?
Yup.
5. Do we find out who "Ethan" is?
Yup.
6. Wait, can I just google and look at the actual "Ethan" once I know the real name?
Yup, and you are damn right I did it before I finished the book.
7. Will I be enraged on multiple levels?
YUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!
8. Wow, is "Ethan's" life going to suck after this book comes out?
IT BETTER!
9. But isn't this just reading someone else's text messages? Seems weird, doesn't it?
You're being judgy again. Who doesn't like hearing a friend talk about their latest dating drama (good or bad)? Also, Akbari spends the first part of the book digging into her messages with "Ethan" and it isn't just dropping into a conversation. You are learning about their dynamic and also peering into how the manipulation works. Akbari deserves an award purely for being so vulnerable to the reader, but she also keeps it interesting by explaining what was happening to her. The second half of the book becomes a detective story with the two other women as they unravel "Ethan".
10. Anything else I should know?
I'm so glad I'm no longer on the dating apps.
11. I am using dating apps now. Should I wait to read this book?
Knowledge is power, my friend. But you should probably keep some alcohol nearby.
(This book was provided as an advance copy by Netgalley and Grand Central Publishing.)
1. Is it very good?
Yes.
2. Will I like it if I have never internet dated?
First of all, I'm bitter and jealous that you didn't have to get on dating apps while the rest of us were fighting for our lives out there. But I owe you an answer and yes, I think you will. While the method of this dating may not be universal, getting sucked in and abused by a toxic person is definitely universal.
3. Yeah, but only foolish or lonely people would fall for a catfish, right?
The author, Anna Akbari, is a PhD sociologist. She didn't come from money and had to work hard to even get through school. She had previous healthy relationships and an active social life including doing things I didn't know you could do like house swapping, but I digress. The other women in the story are equally accomplished and socially adept so chill out, dude. Your tone is all wrong. It can happen to anyone.
4. Ok, so "Ethan" was a master manipulator?
Yup.
5. Do we find out who "Ethan" is?
Yup.
6. Wait, can I just google and look at the actual "Ethan" once I know the real name?
Yup, and you are damn right I did it before I finished the book.
7. Will I be enraged on multiple levels?
YUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!
8. Wow, is "Ethan's" life going to suck after this book comes out?
IT BETTER!
9. But isn't this just reading someone else's text messages? Seems weird, doesn't it?
You're being judgy again. Who doesn't like hearing a friend talk about their latest dating drama (good or bad)? Also, Akbari spends the first part of the book digging into her messages with "Ethan" and it isn't just dropping into a conversation. You are learning about their dynamic and also peering into how the manipulation works. Akbari deserves an award purely for being so vulnerable to the reader, but she also keeps it interesting by explaining what was happening to her. The second half of the book becomes a detective story with the two other women as they unravel "Ethan".
10. Anything else I should know?
I'm so glad I'm no longer on the dating apps.
11. I am using dating apps now. Should I wait to read this book?
Knowledge is power, my friend. But you should probably keep some alcohol nearby.
(This book was provided as an advance copy by Netgalley and Grand Central Publishing.)
March 19, 2025
4.5 stars. If everything in this book is true, then I’m convinced E is regularly reading the reviews of this book. Hi E.
There I changed it. We good?
There I changed it. We good?
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 7, 2024
idk how to rate this because I never read non-fic
HOLY F_@@(#($)$9$(##?????? Absolutely ATE this up. REDACTED I hope you get what you deserve you scumbag!!!!
I NEVER read non-fic but I was kindly gifted this by Grand Central Pub and I'm a sucker for a catfish story. The title is definitely clickbait—there's nothing to substantiate that Ethan is "America's biggest catfish"—and it worked on my stupid ass. Regardless of where Ethan stood in the Top Catfisher power-rankings, this story made me feel all the things.
If you're thinking this will be a deep dive into the psychology of the catfisher, you will be sorely disappointed. This is a "greatest hits" approach to their interactions with Ethan and then a play-by-play of how NY Anna, British Anna, and Gina revealed his true identity. Through each story, you start to identify a pattern to Ethan's behaviour and how he was able to get under their skin. You'll also notice each woman gives the same reason (no spoilies) for why they couldn't just block him on everything, and it is this reason that made it click for me. And further to this specific reason, you can see how their dating history or outlook on love primed them to be taken advantage of by someone like Ethan.
Despite NY Anna having a PhD in sociology, she refrains from speculating about how Ethan curated his identity to a specific victim type. Idk if this is because she felt it would be unwise to unless thoroughly researched, or she just didn't want to get into the weeds, but I would've liked a little more insight in that regards.
Ethan's behaviour after being "unmasked" made my blood BOIL. Anna doesn't slap a mental health diagnosis on them (which would be wildly irresponsible) but it's clear that they are sick and you can't reason with someone like this. And when I learned about what they're up to these days...... I'M READY TO FIGHT!!!!
Anyways, a bingeable read that focuses more on what happened vs why it happened. Waiting for the Netflix or Prime doc....
__
Check out my YouTube
HOLY F_@@(#($)$9$(##?????? Absolutely ATE this up. REDACTED I hope you get what you deserve you scumbag!!!!
I NEVER read non-fic but I was kindly gifted this by Grand Central Pub and I'm a sucker for a catfish story. The title is definitely clickbait—there's nothing to substantiate that Ethan is "America's biggest catfish"—and it worked on my stupid ass. Regardless of where Ethan stood in the Top Catfisher power-rankings, this story made me feel all the things.
If you're thinking this will be a deep dive into the psychology of the catfisher, you will be sorely disappointed. This is a "greatest hits" approach to their interactions with Ethan and then a play-by-play of how NY Anna, British Anna, and Gina revealed his true identity. Through each story, you start to identify a pattern to Ethan's behaviour and how he was able to get under their skin. You'll also notice each woman gives the same reason (no spoilies) for why they couldn't just block him on everything, and it is this reason that made it click for me. And further to this specific reason, you can see how their dating history or outlook on love primed them to be taken advantage of by someone like Ethan.
Despite NY Anna having a PhD in sociology, she refrains from speculating about how Ethan curated his identity to a specific victim type. Idk if this is because she felt it would be unwise to unless thoroughly researched, or she just didn't want to get into the weeds, but I would've liked a little more insight in that regards.
Ethan's behaviour after being "unmasked" made my blood BOIL. Anna doesn't slap a mental health diagnosis on them (which would be wildly irresponsible) but it's clear that they are sick and you can't reason with someone like this. And when I learned about what they're up to these days...... I'M READY TO FIGHT!!!!
Anyways, a bingeable read that focuses more on what happened vs why it happened. Waiting for the Netflix or Prime doc....
__
Check out my YouTube
June 9, 2024
*** Prepare for a long one ***
Man oh man did this story fill me with rage. I found myself boiling…. No, simmering with anger. Unfortunately catfishing is a real thing and happens all the time. We can thank the lovely internet for that.
Ethan meets three different women online at different times. He starts to court them. Considering he is highly intelligent and quite the charmer, it becomes clear that they want to meet him. I really can’t give you any more details but I’m sure you have an idea. I mean, everyone has seen the movie Catfish or the series at least right? Highly addictive but terribly disturbing.
Why on earth would you continue to talk to someone and invest your whole time and energy if they refuse to talk on the phone or video chat? Hello! Your first clue is THEY ARE HIDING SOMETHING! Period! However, this book delves deep into the loneliness these women experience. There was always something niggling at them to know the truth. Why would someone spend years invested in a relationship that is just not tangible? EVER!
Now, I will share my own personal experience in the age of Love@AOL. In the year 2000 I had been talking to a guy online that was absolutely gorgeous. We messaged almost nightly. Flirted intensely. I started to like this guy y’all. Well, I was flying up to Detroit to visit my brother. This man lived in St Louis, MO. I got a layover in St. Louis just so I could meet him face to face. Listen when I tell you that I stood in that airport waiting for him to walk up to only never appear. Yep. That’s my story. He disappeared. Probably married or whatever, but it taught me a little lesson. Just remember that anyone can be anybody they want through a screen.
I thought the author’s writing was excellent. She goes into great lengths to share each woman’s experience and how Ethan wrecked their lives forever. His manipulations and the control he had over them was baffling. I finished this is one day. Highly recommend if you enjoy investigative stories.
Thanks so much @grandcentralpub @NetGalley and Anna Akbari for the opportunity.
Publication date June 4, 2024
4⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Man oh man did this story fill me with rage. I found myself boiling…. No, simmering with anger. Unfortunately catfishing is a real thing and happens all the time. We can thank the lovely internet for that.
Ethan meets three different women online at different times. He starts to court them. Considering he is highly intelligent and quite the charmer, it becomes clear that they want to meet him. I really can’t give you any more details but I’m sure you have an idea. I mean, everyone has seen the movie Catfish or the series at least right? Highly addictive but terribly disturbing.
Why on earth would you continue to talk to someone and invest your whole time and energy if they refuse to talk on the phone or video chat? Hello! Your first clue is THEY ARE HIDING SOMETHING! Period! However, this book delves deep into the loneliness these women experience. There was always something niggling at them to know the truth. Why would someone spend years invested in a relationship that is just not tangible? EVER!
Now, I will share my own personal experience in the age of Love@AOL. In the year 2000 I had been talking to a guy online that was absolutely gorgeous. We messaged almost nightly. Flirted intensely. I started to like this guy y’all. Well, I was flying up to Detroit to visit my brother. This man lived in St Louis, MO. I got a layover in St. Louis just so I could meet him face to face. Listen when I tell you that I stood in that airport waiting for him to walk up to only never appear. Yep. That’s my story. He disappeared. Probably married or whatever, but it taught me a little lesson. Just remember that anyone can be anybody they want through a screen.
I thought the author’s writing was excellent. She goes into great lengths to share each woman’s experience and how Ethan wrecked their lives forever. His manipulations and the control he had over them was baffling. I finished this is one day. Highly recommend if you enjoy investigative stories.
Thanks so much @grandcentralpub @NetGalley and Anna Akbari for the opportunity.
Publication date June 4, 2024
4⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
June 18, 2024
There Is No Ethan was compelling, I couldn’t put it down or look away from its extreme digital drama. This is the true story of “how three women caught American’s biggest catfish.”
I have Lots! of thoughts but less is more when it comes to this reading experience, so I’ll only share a few brief comments (and strongly recommend avoiding Google in advance if you plan to read this book)— Early on, I noticed a direct conflict of interest when occupations were mentioned. I had an early suspicion about who Ethan was (I was wrong). As information was revealed, I could only wonder about Ethan’s motives.
I felt for the women who were unknowing participants in Ethan’s charade, yet I was astounded they kept engaging and coming back for more, despite his cyclical behavior, both online and in-person, by failing to follow through with their plans, repeatedly. The events predominately took place between 2008-2013 and I had to remind myself of this frequently as I read the story — Social media and digital tech were not as advanced as they are today.
There Is No Ethan definitely had some surprises. In addition to raising ethical questions, the story serves as a reminder to always do your research, especially with the numerous resources available today — 3.5 stars
Thank you to Netgalley and Grand Central Publishing for providing an advance reader copy in exchange for an honest review.
I have Lots! of thoughts but less is more when it comes to this reading experience, so I’ll only share a few brief comments (and strongly recommend avoiding Google in advance if you plan to read this book)— Early on, I noticed a direct conflict of interest when occupations were mentioned. I had an early suspicion about who Ethan was (I was wrong). As information was revealed, I could only wonder about Ethan’s motives.
I felt for the women who were unknowing participants in Ethan’s charade, yet I was astounded they kept engaging and coming back for more, despite his cyclical behavior, both online and in-person, by failing to follow through with their plans, repeatedly. The events predominately took place between 2008-2013 and I had to remind myself of this frequently as I read the story — Social media and digital tech were not as advanced as they are today.
There Is No Ethan definitely had some surprises. In addition to raising ethical questions, the story serves as a reminder to always do your research, especially with the numerous resources available today — 3.5 stars
Thank you to Netgalley and Grand Central Publishing for providing an advance reader copy in exchange for an honest review.
June 20, 2024
“America’s biggest Catfish?????”
Ummmm, Ashley Taylor would like a word . . .
But seriously though. This thing was making its rounds on The ‘Gram so of course I got big FOMO and requested it immediately from the library. At some point I have to learn there are lots of people who (a) are much kinder than I am, (b) obtain advanced copies and feel obligated to push them to the front and center on/near pub date, and/or (c) are not addicted to all things trash T.V. like myself. This is the story of three ladies who all get taken by “Ethan” – their online boyfriend – back in 2011. While I understand the intertubes and at-home sleuthing weren’t quite what they are today, that actually worked against me feeling for these women. Call me a victim blamer, but JFC at some point even if Ethan weren’t a total fabrication, it was REAL apparent . . . .
Releasing this book THIRTEEN YEARS after the fact certainly did it no favors either. Ethan was a little minnow in comparison to some of the Catfish stories that have been on my boob tube for almost the same amount of time.
Ummmm, Ashley Taylor would like a word . . .
But seriously though. This thing was making its rounds on The ‘Gram so of course I got big FOMO and requested it immediately from the library. At some point I have to learn there are lots of people who (a) are much kinder than I am, (b) obtain advanced copies and feel obligated to push them to the front and center on/near pub date, and/or (c) are not addicted to all things trash T.V. like myself. This is the story of three ladies who all get taken by “Ethan” – their online boyfriend – back in 2011. While I understand the intertubes and at-home sleuthing weren’t quite what they are today, that actually worked against me feeling for these women. Call me a victim blamer, but JFC at some point even if Ethan weren’t a total fabrication, it was REAL apparent . . . .
Releasing this book THIRTEEN YEARS after the fact certainly did it no favors either. Ethan was a little minnow in comparison to some of the Catfish stories that have been on my boob tube for almost the same amount of time.
January 6, 2025
A riveting account of online deception. 🫢
Watch my BookTube video for more books on AI, advanced tech & sex bots. 👀
👉IS ETHAN'S TRUE IDENTITY REVEALED IN THIS BOOK? Yes, and the truth is shocking.
"Whoever he was, we knew he must be exposed and stopped before he did this to anyone else." 🕵️♀️
I don't mean to suggest that we should be entertained by another person's trauma, but WOW does this read like the most jaw-dropping reality TV + crime drama.
Let me back up . . .
In 2010, Anna Akbari was navigating the ups and downs of online dating when she met her perfect match: a man named Ethan. They hit it off immediately, and Ethan swiftly became an all-engrossing part of her life, consuming her time and energy both day and night. After only a few weeks, they discussed marriage and looked at wedding bands online. It wasn't long before Anna fell in love.
To truly be together, they only needed to overcome one final hurdle: they needed to meet in person. But after months of excuses, missed appointments, and unfortunate timing, Anna had yet to meet Ethan in person or even speak with him on the phone.
Suspicious, she began sleuthing and uncovered two other women who'd fallen for Ethan but had never met him. Though Ethan tried to pit these intelligent women against each other, they instead joined forces to find Ethan, confront him, and ultimately expose his true identity.
There Is No Ethan is an absolutely arresting account of online deception and emotional manipulation.
With real-world interactions decreasing and millions of people now making virtual connections, we have to be careful and protect ourselves in ways that didn’t apply before. If you're making friends in digital spaces or seeking romantic partners online, you need to read this book.
My deepest gratitude to the kind people at Grand Central Publishing for sending me a copy of this book that I was dying to read.
--
ORIGINAL POST 👇
This book sounds wild. 👀😱
Blurb: "Part memoir, part explosive window into the mind of a catfisher, a thrilling personal account of three women coming face-to-face with an internet predator and teaming up to expose them."
That "them" on the end makes me think maybe the catfisher is a woman. 🤔 Only one way to find out!
I'm definitely going to read this.
Watch my BookTube video for more books on AI, advanced tech & sex bots. 👀
👉IS ETHAN'S TRUE IDENTITY REVEALED IN THIS BOOK? Yes, and the truth is shocking.
"Whoever he was, we knew he must be exposed and stopped before he did this to anyone else." 🕵️♀️
I don't mean to suggest that we should be entertained by another person's trauma, but WOW does this read like the most jaw-dropping reality TV + crime drama.
Let me back up . . .
In 2010, Anna Akbari was navigating the ups and downs of online dating when she met her perfect match: a man named Ethan. They hit it off immediately, and Ethan swiftly became an all-engrossing part of her life, consuming her time and energy both day and night. After only a few weeks, they discussed marriage and looked at wedding bands online. It wasn't long before Anna fell in love.
To truly be together, they only needed to overcome one final hurdle: they needed to meet in person. But after months of excuses, missed appointments, and unfortunate timing, Anna had yet to meet Ethan in person or even speak with him on the phone.
Suspicious, she began sleuthing and uncovered two other women who'd fallen for Ethan but had never met him. Though Ethan tried to pit these intelligent women against each other, they instead joined forces to find Ethan, confront him, and ultimately expose his true identity.
There Is No Ethan is an absolutely arresting account of online deception and emotional manipulation.
With real-world interactions decreasing and millions of people now making virtual connections, we have to be careful and protect ourselves in ways that didn’t apply before. If you're making friends in digital spaces or seeking romantic partners online, you need to read this book.
My deepest gratitude to the kind people at Grand Central Publishing for sending me a copy of this book that I was dying to read.
--
ORIGINAL POST 👇
This book sounds wild. 👀😱
Blurb: "Part memoir, part explosive window into the mind of a catfisher, a thrilling personal account of three women coming face-to-face with an internet predator and teaming up to expose them."
That "them" on the end makes me think maybe the catfisher is a woman. 🤔 Only one way to find out!
I'm definitely going to read this.
August 24, 2024
I was catfished by this subtitle. IT WAS NOT AMERICA’S BIGGEST CATFISH BY ANY METRIC!
Ridiculously bad non-story, can’t believe this was published. The Atlantic wouldn’t publish the article, can’t understand why a publisher did. Still very upset days later. 😂
She did not zoom out to talk about romance scams, just recounted every goddamn conversation with one small-time scammer.
Ridiculously bad non-story, can’t believe this was published. The Atlantic wouldn’t publish the article, can’t understand why a publisher did. Still very upset days later. 😂
She did not zoom out to talk about romance scams, just recounted every goddamn conversation with one small-time scammer.
July 15, 2024
WOW!!!!!
This book was absolutely enthralling. As I kept reading I got more and more furious with what happened to these three highly successful and accomplished women. I'm going to refrain from summarizing the plot because I want future readers to be as surprised as I was when you finally discover who Ethan actually is.
My jaw hit the floor. 😧
My mind is still having such a hard time grasping how and why this person did what they did. For what? For some kicks? Because they were bored and had nothing else to do? To willingly verbally abuse and gaslight these women for a bit of fun? It makes no sense to my rational mind but I think it's safe to say that this person has no rational thoughts. There is never going to be any reasoning with them. They think they've done nothing wrong and sadly the law agrees. Emotional catfishing isn't a crime. You know what that means? This person is still out there and is more than likely still doing what they do best. Taking advantage of unsuspecting woman.
Again, let that sink in. THEY. ARE. STILL. OUT. THERE. 🤬
I commend these three ladies (and all the other victims) for putting the perpetrators name out there for all to see. Anyone that does a google search will now see who they truly are and what they're capable of.
I do believe in karma and I can only hope this person get's what they deserve. 4 stars!
Thank you to Grand Central Publishing who kindly mailed me a finished copy.
This book was absolutely enthralling. As I kept reading I got more and more furious with what happened to these three highly successful and accomplished women. I'm going to refrain from summarizing the plot because I want future readers to be as surprised as I was when you finally discover who Ethan actually is.
My jaw hit the floor. 😧
My mind is still having such a hard time grasping how and why this person did what they did. For what? For some kicks? Because they were bored and had nothing else to do? To willingly verbally abuse and gaslight these women for a bit of fun? It makes no sense to my rational mind but I think it's safe to say that this person has no rational thoughts. There is never going to be any reasoning with them. They think they've done nothing wrong and sadly the law agrees. Emotional catfishing isn't a crime. You know what that means? This person is still out there and is more than likely still doing what they do best. Taking advantage of unsuspecting woman.
Again, let that sink in. THEY. ARE. STILL. OUT. THERE. 🤬
I commend these three ladies (and all the other victims) for putting the perpetrators name out there for all to see. Anyone that does a google search will now see who they truly are and what they're capable of.
I do believe in karma and I can only hope this person get's what they deserve. 4 stars!
Thank you to Grand Central Publishing who kindly mailed me a finished copy.
July 2, 2024
I'm not sure how to rate this because it's one woman's painful account (along with others she found later) of being catfished. But if I'm being honest, I didn't really care for it. The author starts with her own account of meeting Ethan on an online dating site, and primarily chatting via the app, then moving to G-chat, texting and email. They never once spoke on the phone, had any type of video chat, or met in person. When pressed, Ethan had a whole host of excuses.
Ethan was HIDEOUS. How anyone could fall in love with this fake person is beyond me, and I think that was my biggest problem with the book. I did not find him charming in the least. Never once could I relate to any of these women and understand how this could happen. He was emotionally and sometimes verbally abusive, demanding, insecure, manipulative, and a total narcissist who gaslighted his victims/girlfriends. I wanted to DNF this fairly early on, but I wanted to see who is Ethan. While it was a surprise, and the person continued to be a gross human, overall, I should have DNF'd. No thank you to everyone involved.
Ethan was HIDEOUS. How anyone could fall in love with this fake person is beyond me, and I think that was my biggest problem with the book. I did not find him charming in the least. Never once could I relate to any of these women and understand how this could happen. He was emotionally and sometimes verbally abusive, demanding, insecure, manipulative, and a total narcissist who gaslighted his victims/girlfriends. I wanted to DNF this fairly early on, but I wanted to see who is Ethan. While it was a surprise, and the person continued to be a gross human, overall, I should have DNF'd. No thank you to everyone involved.
July 3, 2024
This could’ve been a podcast or article. The subtitle gives it all away and I’m not sure the author earned the full length. I liked it and was entertained but found myself so far ahead of the story.
Read
August 3, 2024In order for this to work for the reader, it’s necessary to “like” Ethan and think he’s someone worth spending time with. But from the very beginning he just struck me as a sleaze. Or maybe it’s my age and things that he said are acceptable for younger generations. But within an hour, I knew this wasn’t the book for me.
June 12, 2024
Y’all buckle up, I got some 💩 to say about this one.
Given the cover and title I WANTED this book. I found out about it close to its pub date, requested it & didn’t get it so I bought and promptly read it. I had read ZERO reviews at this point.
About 50ish pages in I was growing really frustrated with the author, so I read a few reviews, of which state that anyone, even a PhD Sociologist can fall for catfishing.
Let’s pause there shall we?
Yes. Anyone can fall for catfishing. And it can lead to some very bad situations.
Anna wasn’t even falling for prince charming. Ethan was coming off and an entitled, horny POS that didn’t really like her BEFORE THEY EVEN MET in person.
I find it baffling that she would let a stranger talk to her this way after a week of online chatting and continue to put up with it. She even talks about this behavior. So she wasn’t clueless.
Second Anna another PhD. More of the same. Over the course of two years… seriously? Letting someone continue to string you along for that amount of time because you are curious to see who this person is.
Curiosity killed the cat.
Craziness is continuing to do the same thing over and over and expecting “him” to turn up.
Gina an architect (so another intelligent woman) 🤦🏻♀️. Seriously the book got hard to read. But, I wanted to see how the fall out came and who was behind Ethan all this time.
I do not condone what not Ethan did. It’s absolutely wrong. And this person pretended to have cancer. Not ok. But, thankfully these women were not conned out of money or physically harmed.
I really have zero sympathy for them and am kind of outraged that they are going to profit so much from the situation that they allowed themselves to be in from book sales.
If I hadn’t yet met someone I was chatting with online and every time we set a date to meet they bailed, it would be over. But these women let curiosity take over and got played.
Do I recommend this book? Not at all. If you’re curious google it. Maybe you can get the cliff notes version 292 pages is a lot.
Given the cover and title I WANTED this book. I found out about it close to its pub date, requested it & didn’t get it so I bought and promptly read it. I had read ZERO reviews at this point.
About 50ish pages in I was growing really frustrated with the author, so I read a few reviews, of which state that anyone, even a PhD Sociologist can fall for catfishing.
Let’s pause there shall we?
Yes. Anyone can fall for catfishing. And it can lead to some very bad situations.
Anna wasn’t even falling for prince charming. Ethan was coming off and an entitled, horny POS that didn’t really like her BEFORE THEY EVEN MET in person.
I find it baffling that she would let a stranger talk to her this way after a week of online chatting and continue to put up with it. She even talks about this behavior. So she wasn’t clueless.
Second Anna another PhD. More of the same. Over the course of two years… seriously? Letting someone continue to string you along for that amount of time because you are curious to see who this person is.
Curiosity killed the cat.
Craziness is continuing to do the same thing over and over and expecting “him” to turn up.
Gina an architect (so another intelligent woman) 🤦🏻♀️. Seriously the book got hard to read. But, I wanted to see how the fall out came and who was behind Ethan all this time.
I do not condone what not Ethan did. It’s absolutely wrong. And this person pretended to have cancer. Not ok. But, thankfully these women were not conned out of money or physically harmed.
I really have zero sympathy for them and am kind of outraged that they are going to profit so much from the situation that they allowed themselves to be in from book sales.
If I hadn’t yet met someone I was chatting with online and every time we set a date to meet they bailed, it would be over. But these women let curiosity take over and got played.
Do I recommend this book? Not at all. If you’re curious google it. Maybe you can get the cliff notes version 292 pages is a lot.
August 27, 2024
the setup…
In 2011, Anna Akbari connected with Ethan Schuman on a dating site. Akbari was no novice to online dating and had rules she abided by…normally. Ethan’s charm and seemingly extraordinary listening skills were disarming and she gave him leeway. Before she knew it, they’d been having constant texting conversations for months, never having seen each other in person or talked to each other. Faced with the choice of continuing to be seduced by this man or letting go, Akbari set on a path doing what she did best…research. What she discovered was shocking, shook her confidence but energized her at the same time.
the heart of the story…
You might wonder how a highly successful woman with a PhD could be hoodwinked like this but as I listened to the hours of messaging, I could “feel” Ethan’s manipulative, me as an outsider. I even could see how I might have been sucked in, probably up to the same point as Anna. When her research led her to two other women he was also in relationship with…simultaneously…she went to work on finding him and taking him down.
the narration…
Akbari narrates the story with Justin Price standing in as Ethan. It was critical to have her give voice to all those text conversations as she shared what she experienced emotionally at the time. It was an important distinction in the storytelling.
the bottom line…
It’s more than a cautionary tale, more akin to an inward psychological study as much as it was an analysis of how Ethan duped so many women who you’d think would know better. Akbari is a sociologist and at times it did feel like a research project. But it’s when she focused on herself that this memoir was the most powerful. Because at the end of the day, it’s all about the choices and concessions we make when our carefully honed instincts tell us otherwise. You should listen to this for yourself to learn the outcomes. It matters. 3.5 stars
Posted on Blue Mood Café
(Thanks to Libro.fm & Hachette Audio for my complimentary copy. All opinions are my own.)
In 2011, Anna Akbari connected with Ethan Schuman on a dating site. Akbari was no novice to online dating and had rules she abided by…normally. Ethan’s charm and seemingly extraordinary listening skills were disarming and she gave him leeway. Before she knew it, they’d been having constant texting conversations for months, never having seen each other in person or talked to each other. Faced with the choice of continuing to be seduced by this man or letting go, Akbari set on a path doing what she did best…research. What she discovered was shocking, shook her confidence but energized her at the same time.
the heart of the story…
You might wonder how a highly successful woman with a PhD could be hoodwinked like this but as I listened to the hours of messaging, I could “feel” Ethan’s manipulative, me as an outsider. I even could see how I might have been sucked in, probably up to the same point as Anna. When her research led her to two other women he was also in relationship with…simultaneously…she went to work on finding him and taking him down.
the narration…
Akbari narrates the story with Justin Price standing in as Ethan. It was critical to have her give voice to all those text conversations as she shared what she experienced emotionally at the time. It was an important distinction in the storytelling.
the bottom line…
It’s more than a cautionary tale, more akin to an inward psychological study as much as it was an analysis of how Ethan duped so many women who you’d think would know better. Akbari is a sociologist and at times it did feel like a research project. But it’s when she focused on herself that this memoir was the most powerful. Because at the end of the day, it’s all about the choices and concessions we make when our carefully honed instincts tell us otherwise. You should listen to this for yourself to learn the outcomes. It matters. 3.5 stars
Posted on Blue Mood Café
(Thanks to Libro.fm & Hachette Audio for my complimentary copy. All opinions are my own.)
August 13, 2024
I love a good catfishing story, but this wasn't one. I felt bad for the other women in this story, but not the author. She approached this story from the point of view of "I'm too smart to fall for a scam, so that makes this story interesting!" which... I don't care how many degrees you have, you can still be an idiot. She might be a sociologist, but this had no glimpse of sociological insight. This was just about a woman who was mad that she got conned, with no unique point-of-view. I don't know how Akbari got her book published, but it seems like it was more related to nepotism and her "New York social circles" than any actual skill, talent, or having a compelling tale to tell.
Once Ethan is unveiled, the author just shows how the women kept wasting their time arguing with a person who was clearly not capable of empathy. There are entire chapters recounting this correspondence word-for-word, and it's just boring because the victims are screaming into the void.
Once Ethan is unveiled, the author just shows how the women kept wasting their time arguing with a person who was clearly not capable of empathy. There are entire chapters recounting this correspondence word-for-word, and it's just boring because the victims are screaming into the void.
June 17, 2024
DNF after Part 1, even though I was excited by the premise. I couldn't get past the overuse of adverbs and the excessive dialogue tags. Too many sentences read like this:
"'You'll know eventually,' he mysteriously remarked, seeming to reveal that he was hiding something. 'Maybe I don't want to know,' I cheekily replied, hoping to convey a flirty, devil-may-care attitude."
Strong dialogue shouldn't need an explanation. If it doesn't stand on its own, it's time for a re-write. These kinds of tags are the equivalent of a magician pulling a rabbit out of a hat and saying, "Did you see that? Did you see what I did? I pulled a rabbit out of a hat. It was empty before. I don't know if you caught that." If you did the trick right, you shouldn't have to explain it.
I was also frustrated by the author's lack of introspection, especially since this is a memoir. In the first chapter, she tells the story of how her mother was conned by her father, but she fails to connect the dots to her own experience. Later, she notes that her doctoral dissertation was on social masks, but she doesn't tie that into her narrative, either. Since she's a sociologist, I was expecting a deep dive into intergenerational trauma or how one's professional obsessions often reveal something personal. I assumed I quit reading before she had the chance to cover those issues, but from the other reviews, it appears she only touches on them briefly in the epilogue.
This book should have been better; and with tighter editing and a higher aim, it could have been. As published, though, it reads like a long-form Glamour article. I think the author has a lot of potential, and she'll only get better with time. Here's hoping her next work is both a page-turner AND a heart-clencher.
Edited to add: Speaking of long-form Glamour articles, I googled Ethan's name and came across a 2014 piece the author wrote for The Observer. It's a much more polished read. In fact, had I not known it was written by the author, I would have assumed it was written by a seasoned journalist--that's how different the voices are. It made me wonder if a ghost writer was involved in the book (or the article, take your pick). Regardless, if you DNF'd this one, but you're curious about how it ended, the article is worth a read.
"'You'll know eventually,' he mysteriously remarked, seeming to reveal that he was hiding something. 'Maybe I don't want to know,' I cheekily replied, hoping to convey a flirty, devil-may-care attitude."
Strong dialogue shouldn't need an explanation. If it doesn't stand on its own, it's time for a re-write. These kinds of tags are the equivalent of a magician pulling a rabbit out of a hat and saying, "Did you see that? Did you see what I did? I pulled a rabbit out of a hat. It was empty before. I don't know if you caught that." If you did the trick right, you shouldn't have to explain it.
I was also frustrated by the author's lack of introspection, especially since this is a memoir. In the first chapter, she tells the story of how her mother was conned by her father, but she fails to connect the dots to her own experience. Later, she notes that her doctoral dissertation was on social masks, but she doesn't tie that into her narrative, either. Since she's a sociologist, I was expecting a deep dive into intergenerational trauma or how one's professional obsessions often reveal something personal. I assumed I quit reading before she had the chance to cover those issues, but from the other reviews, it appears she only touches on them briefly in the epilogue.
This book should have been better; and with tighter editing and a higher aim, it could have been. As published, though, it reads like a long-form Glamour article. I think the author has a lot of potential, and she'll only get better with time. Here's hoping her next work is both a page-turner AND a heart-clencher.
Edited to add: Speaking of long-form Glamour articles, I googled Ethan's name and came across a 2014 piece the author wrote for The Observer. It's a much more polished read. In fact, had I not known it was written by the author, I would have assumed it was written by a seasoned journalist--that's how different the voices are. It made me wonder if a ghost writer was involved in the book (or the article, take your pick). Regardless, if you DNF'd this one, but you're curious about how it ended, the article is worth a read.
June 2, 2024
In 2011, three successful and highly educated women fell head over heels for the brilliant and charming Ethan Schuman. Unbeknownst to the others, each exchanged countless messages with Ethan, staying up late into the evenings to deepen their connections with this seemingly perfect man. Eventually, they learn Ethan isn’t who he claimed to be, and that is only the beginning of the deception.
I was shocked to my core when I found out the truth behind who Ethan Schuman really was and what has happened to the person since being caught. It's a mixture of riveting, infuriating, and thought-provoking. We understand cons that are aimed to get sex or money, but what do we make of these cons whose aim is to take people's emotional well-being? The damage Ethan's con had one these women, in particular a woman referred to as British Anna, is portrayed with care but without apology. British Anna's story was heartbreaking, showcasing a form of stockholm syndrome that has very real consequences for the person affected.
I had a lot of thoughts that I talk about in my spoiler review on my blog! I'll reveal who was behind the account, how they caught them, and what has happened since.
Gripping!
I was shocked to my core when I found out the truth behind who Ethan Schuman really was and what has happened to the person since being caught. It's a mixture of riveting, infuriating, and thought-provoking. We understand cons that are aimed to get sex or money, but what do we make of these cons whose aim is to take people's emotional well-being? The damage Ethan's con had one these women, in particular a woman referred to as British Anna, is portrayed with care but without apology. British Anna's story was heartbreaking, showcasing a form of stockholm syndrome that has very real consequences for the person affected.
I had a lot of thoughts that I talk about in my spoiler review on my blog! I'll reveal who was behind the account, how they caught them, and what has happened since.
Gripping!
June 19, 2024
First, for the TLDR: The expression “stranger than fiction” is overused but applies in this case. If you are interested in true crime or psychological suspense due to the WTF factor, this book is unique and should satisfy. It’s in part shocking and baffling because of what didn’t happen as well as what did. WHY is not always a useful question, but you’ll have trouble not wondering it repeatedly here. The audiobook is FANTASTIC, read by the author and an amazing voice actor who brings Ethan to life perfectly, especially given that his job is to render the avatar or persona of Ethan — using Ethan’s actual words for a script, because we have all the text messages! — into the mental image of the “fantasy guy” of the women Ethan pursued. I found this riveting, gripping, and unputdownable. As others have said, try not to Google anything if you don’t know the story already, but I knew the story and I was still wholly absorbed in the book.
Ok! - so I said why I think this book is good, and now I’ll say why I also think its’s important in my little peachy Op-Ed below that you may freely ignore. Because, as others have mentioned, this book is very readable but also a sociological text that captures an vulnerable moment in the history of the early Interwebs as well as many still-applicable aspects of emotional abuse and of virtual interpersonal interactions including internet dating, stalking, fraud, and other forms of cyberabuse.
***
Many of my old-school GR friends from the wayback machine know that my job involves working with survivors of abuse. I probably mention it too often in reviews, but I can’t help it: The job changes the lens through which you view the world and exist in it.
One thing you learn quickly in this line of work is that abuse is far, far more common than most people think. And of course, there is no typical survivor of it. For instance, I work in an area with many wealthy and privileged people with good incomes and grad degreees and family holiday photo cards that look great, and yet such privilege does not shield people we serve in this community from experiencing abuse. Sure, there are also lots of vulnerable community members whose lack of such privilege unfortunately creates further opportunities for exploitation and abuse. But my point is that we routinely see that abuse occurs fully across every possible spectrum of humanity, in every way.
Another thing you learn early on is how insidiously complicated and devastating emotional and psychological abuse can be. Survivors of such abuse we work with often say, apologetically and with some level of guilt, something along the lines of: I almost wish the abuse would be physical because then it would be easier for me to really see it and to really believe that it is wrong! What they mean is, their ability to trust in themselves and their own perspective anymore is completely eroded. This speaks to the seeming inescapability of emotional and psychological abuse: these abusers can do such a number on you that at some point they don’t even need to be around anymore to perpetuate it; they train your brain so that you essentially keep on doing it to yourself.
Because I see so much abuse and I know that it is sadly not rare, I appreciate any book or resource that helps bring about greater awareness of what it can look like and feel like and what its lasting impacts are. This book is an important addition to that canon and to the understanding of emotional and psychological abuse especially. The credentials of Ethan’s targets are impeccable: these women are educated and privileged and talented and accomplished. And Ethan “only” ever emotionally and psychologically abuses them (and I would say also stalks them in a unique, trauma-bonded twist on stalking). Yet, the consequence are nonetheless pretty devastating.
Let’s address some of the inevitable critical NIMBY, “I would never fall for that!” grumbling. As others have said, it is crucial to recall that the Internet was new back then and that it was a Wild West of unregulated and untested exploitative potential. So, things that would not so easily fly today, like never meeting via video, phone, or in person, were not so weird and suspect and unprecedented then.
And yes, I also agree with many of you that even when Ethan is on his “best behavior,” he was simply not my cup of tea. It can admittedly be hard to see how people could get so attached to him. For me, he was like a parade of red flags instead of a circus and also just like — no thanks bro.
But everyone has a weakness for a certain type, not to mention an Achilles heel or two, and most people crave at least some kind of connection since, like it or not, humans are hardwired to require it on some level. (Human babies can’t survive without it.)
And people like Ethan are expert at exploiting all that creatively. Just as with survivors, there are no typical abusers, but you may be surprised by how many of the abusers I hear about at work tend to be charming and smart and charismatic and thus also very, very good at what they do abuse-wise, even though their behavior defies all logic and reason and understanding. Many of them also have quite the impressive pillar of society resume, just like Ethan. They often aren’t focused on torturing others while simply frittering away their own lives; rather they can be very tenacious and determined to conquer across multiple life domains and not just in the twisted power/control dynamics of their interpersonal relationships.
I’ve also never in my whole career met a single person for whom it would be true to say they wanted to be abused. People are so much more complex than that. So if your takeaway from this book is what the hell is wrong with these women, they should have known/done better, then with all due respect, I think that is an incorrect takeaway and humbly suggest that it would be of service to you to cultivate some empathy and humility.
A better takeaway probably is — but for the grace of god, there go we. Even if Ethan was not your cup of tea, and even if there is no Ethan, there are ample Ethan alternatives in a variety of societal roles who may be your cup of tea. There are people like Ethan out there, and even Ethan is still out there, thriving and paying no consequences for actions. Ethan could be anyone — hell, Ethan could be your doctor. Pray you don’t encounter an Ethan at a vulnerable time for you, and that if you do, people are willing to extend you some grace and to support your hope and healing.
Ok! - so I said why I think this book is good, and now I’ll say why I also think its’s important in my little peachy Op-Ed below that you may freely ignore. Because, as others have mentioned, this book is very readable but also a sociological text that captures an vulnerable moment in the history of the early Interwebs as well as many still-applicable aspects of emotional abuse and of virtual interpersonal interactions including internet dating, stalking, fraud, and other forms of cyberabuse.
***
Many of my old-school GR friends from the wayback machine know that my job involves working with survivors of abuse. I probably mention it too often in reviews, but I can’t help it: The job changes the lens through which you view the world and exist in it.
One thing you learn quickly in this line of work is that abuse is far, far more common than most people think. And of course, there is no typical survivor of it. For instance, I work in an area with many wealthy and privileged people with good incomes and grad degreees and family holiday photo cards that look great, and yet such privilege does not shield people we serve in this community from experiencing abuse. Sure, there are also lots of vulnerable community members whose lack of such privilege unfortunately creates further opportunities for exploitation and abuse. But my point is that we routinely see that abuse occurs fully across every possible spectrum of humanity, in every way.
Another thing you learn early on is how insidiously complicated and devastating emotional and psychological abuse can be. Survivors of such abuse we work with often say, apologetically and with some level of guilt, something along the lines of: I almost wish the abuse would be physical because then it would be easier for me to really see it and to really believe that it is wrong! What they mean is, their ability to trust in themselves and their own perspective anymore is completely eroded. This speaks to the seeming inescapability of emotional and psychological abuse: these abusers can do such a number on you that at some point they don’t even need to be around anymore to perpetuate it; they train your brain so that you essentially keep on doing it to yourself.
Because I see so much abuse and I know that it is sadly not rare, I appreciate any book or resource that helps bring about greater awareness of what it can look like and feel like and what its lasting impacts are. This book is an important addition to that canon and to the understanding of emotional and psychological abuse especially. The credentials of Ethan’s targets are impeccable: these women are educated and privileged and talented and accomplished. And Ethan “only” ever emotionally and psychologically abuses them (and I would say also stalks them in a unique, trauma-bonded twist on stalking). Yet, the consequence are nonetheless pretty devastating.
Let’s address some of the inevitable critical NIMBY, “I would never fall for that!” grumbling. As others have said, it is crucial to recall that the Internet was new back then and that it was a Wild West of unregulated and untested exploitative potential. So, things that would not so easily fly today, like never meeting via video, phone, or in person, were not so weird and suspect and unprecedented then.
And yes, I also agree with many of you that even when Ethan is on his “best behavior,” he was simply not my cup of tea. It can admittedly be hard to see how people could get so attached to him. For me, he was like a parade of red flags instead of a circus and also just like — no thanks bro.
But everyone has a weakness for a certain type, not to mention an Achilles heel or two, and most people crave at least some kind of connection since, like it or not, humans are hardwired to require it on some level. (Human babies can’t survive without it.)
And people like Ethan are expert at exploiting all that creatively. Just as with survivors, there are no typical abusers, but you may be surprised by how many of the abusers I hear about at work tend to be charming and smart and charismatic and thus also very, very good at what they do abuse-wise, even though their behavior defies all logic and reason and understanding. Many of them also have quite the impressive pillar of society resume, just like Ethan. They often aren’t focused on torturing others while simply frittering away their own lives; rather they can be very tenacious and determined to conquer across multiple life domains and not just in the twisted power/control dynamics of their interpersonal relationships.
I’ve also never in my whole career met a single person for whom it would be true to say they wanted to be abused. People are so much more complex than that. So if your takeaway from this book is what the hell is wrong with these women, they should have known/done better, then with all due respect, I think that is an incorrect takeaway and humbly suggest that it would be of service to you to cultivate some empathy and humility.
A better takeaway probably is — but for the grace of god, there go we. Even if Ethan was not your cup of tea, and even if there is no Ethan, there are ample Ethan alternatives in a variety of societal roles who may be your cup of tea. There are people like Ethan out there, and even Ethan is still out there, thriving and paying no consequences for actions. Ethan could be anyone — hell, Ethan could be your doctor. Pray you don’t encounter an Ethan at a vulnerable time for you, and that if you do, people are willing to extend you some grace and to support your hope and healing.
July 23, 2024
I thought this sounded really promising, but it ended up just being a woman talking about getting catfished, and then finding two other woman who had been catfished by the same person. Though some pretty intense sleuthing, they identify the real person behind the fake persona. The three woman are shocked and troubled when they realize that they're unable to get this person to face any consequences. There was truly no crime. Just someone pretending to be someone they're not to connect with and build online relationships.
I felt like the "victims" were trying really hard to sell how terrible this was, when honestly, they were looking for connection and found it. They went along with never meeting in person, and never talking on the phone. To me I guess I just don't feel like anything bad really happened to them, but they try to spin the story as this horrible invasive experience.
I felt like the "victims" were trying really hard to sell how terrible this was, when honestly, they were looking for connection and found it. They went along with never meeting in person, and never talking on the phone. To me I guess I just don't feel like anything bad really happened to them, but they try to spin the story as this horrible invasive experience.
June 27, 2024
Oh my goddddddddd I have so much to say about this. First: it should have been one podcast episode, not 200 pages. Second: I admire the bravery of the author; if this happened to me, I would have taken it to the grave. Most of the times, this read like a diary (no hate) but I kind of feel like this kind of attention just plays right into the kind of power play the perpetrator wants? Like taking up MORE OF YOUR LIFE like don’t give this person any more oxygen!!! (3/3 I read on flight)
June 16, 2024
Genuinely surprised by all of the amazing reviews. We’ve heard this same story for years now; what is so surprising in this one? I guess maybe due to what the person’s profession is? Had this book come out maybe ten years ago, I think there’d be much more shock value, but in today’s world, not so much.
August 12, 2024
Hate to victim shame but what were these women thinking? How could three seemingly intelligent women fall so in love and involved after text messaging and emailing for approximately 10 days? Sorry, sisters. Wake the fuck up!
June 3, 2024
If you are like me a love a good documentary of the likes of the tiddler swindler or inventing Anna then this book is for you.
Thanks to Hachette Audio via NetGalley for a audio copy of this book. All opinions are my own.
There is no Ethan follows Anna Akbari (the author) who has a virtual relationship via a dating app with a man called Ethan who is emotionally manipulative and twists her psychologically for months until she decides enough is enough. Anna a sociologist herself figures there are some things about Ethan than just don't add up and after some very sleuth investigations she finds other victims of Ethan's serial lies. But who exactly is Ethan?
I have a lot to say about 'Ethan' without revealing too much all I'm left with is that 'Ethan' is a sociopath.
Having had a family member who was herself a victim of catfishing to her financial detriment years ago. This book had me tutting and rolling my eyes, angry because how could intelligent strong women fall victim to this kind of thing? But I know having witnessed it first hand that it hits so much deeper. It is a kind of torture in the soul, in the most vulnerable parts of your self.
The book is narrated by the author herself and all of 'Ethan's' parts are narrated by Justin Price. They both do an excellent job at conveying the pure frustration this book will induce to you.
My only critique is that sometimes the book felt a bit repetitive as we got taken through Ethan's relationship with some of his victims all of which were similar as Ethan used the same M.O throughout only changing slight details. Perhaps this could have been summarised more and more focus would have been better spent in the investigation element.
3.5 star rating from me.
Thanks to Hachette Audio via NetGalley for a audio copy of this book. All opinions are my own.
There is no Ethan follows Anna Akbari (the author) who has a virtual relationship via a dating app with a man called Ethan who is emotionally manipulative and twists her psychologically for months until she decides enough is enough. Anna a sociologist herself figures there are some things about Ethan than just don't add up and after some very sleuth investigations she finds other victims of Ethan's serial lies. But who exactly is Ethan?
I have a lot to say about 'Ethan' without revealing too much all I'm left with is that 'Ethan' is a sociopath.
Having had a family member who was herself a victim of catfishing to her financial detriment years ago. This book had me tutting and rolling my eyes, angry because how could intelligent strong women fall victim to this kind of thing? But I know having witnessed it first hand that it hits so much deeper. It is a kind of torture in the soul, in the most vulnerable parts of your self.
The book is narrated by the author herself and all of 'Ethan's' parts are narrated by Justin Price. They both do an excellent job at conveying the pure frustration this book will induce to you.
My only critique is that sometimes the book felt a bit repetitive as we got taken through Ethan's relationship with some of his victims all of which were similar as Ethan used the same M.O throughout only changing slight details. Perhaps this could have been summarised more and more focus would have been better spent in the investigation element.
3.5 star rating from me.
August 17, 2024
Outrageous, compelling, literally unputdownable. I find most catfishing stories pretty engaging, because I both can’t believe that people do it, and am amazed at how long people are taken in by catfish. This story blew me out of the park though. Even more compelling than the catfishing itself, is the unravelling of the work of the catfish by the three women at the centre of this story. Aiming for a spoiler free review I’ll just say, the shocks kept coming. This is like watching the best reality tv. Couldn’t put it down.
Read
July 19, 2024"After hundreds of guys who struggled to move a conversation beyond "How's you weekend?" Ethan felt like an oasis, I wanted to drink him in."
That line was just too real, it's so easy to get hooked on the dopamine of a good conversation when most of what we get from potential dates sounds more like the conversations you have at the mailbox with the neighbor you're not a fan of than anything else.
Akbari did a pretty good job of showing how mechanisms that were initially pleasantly intense end up getting weaponized in an abusive relationship. The pattern of going from constant contact to "you need to be available when I want but I will disappear when convenient to me but if you point it out you're the a-hole" was only too familiar to me.
I really appreciated how she spoke of the other victims too, she was pretty positive about them and it was refreshing especially given the context and how they were primed against one another. It also does a good job of reminding us that people who fall for emotionally abusive frauds are not necessarily desperate fools (even though desperate fools don't deserve it either) and that it's important to lazy victim blaming.
The author seems to have a great sense of humor which shone occasionally, and it made the book easier to read because, my, did we need some levity to balance what these women were put through.
No rating because it's a memoir of sorts and I don't rate these, but I absolutely would recommend it.
Thank you, Michelle, for putting this book on my radar it was a very cathartic reading experience for me.
That line was just too real, it's so easy to get hooked on the dopamine of a good conversation when most of what we get from potential dates sounds more like the conversations you have at the mailbox with the neighbor you're not a fan of than anything else.
Akbari did a pretty good job of showing how mechanisms that were initially pleasantly intense end up getting weaponized in an abusive relationship. The pattern of going from constant contact to "you need to be available when I want but I will disappear when convenient to me but if you point it out you're the a-hole" was only too familiar to me.
I really appreciated how she spoke of the other victims too, she was pretty positive about them and it was refreshing especially given the context and how they were primed against one another. It also does a good job of reminding us that people who fall for emotionally abusive frauds are not necessarily desperate fools (even though desperate fools don't deserve it either) and that it's important to lazy victim blaming.
The author seems to have a great sense of humor which shone occasionally, and it made the book easier to read because, my, did we need some levity to balance what these women were put through.
No rating because it's a memoir of sorts and I don't rate these, but I absolutely would recommend it.
Thank you, Michelle, for putting this book on my radar it was a very cathartic reading experience for me.
July 29, 2024
[3.75] Anyone who has fallen prey to catfishing or knows someone who has will likely find Akbari’s well-structured work intriguing. It documents in detail how three successful women (Akbari is a sociologist) could fall for an emotionally manipulative compulsive liar who would cunningly trap victims in a web of digital deceit — over and over again. It also chronicles how they pooled their sleuthing skills to “out” the cruel perpetrator. True, I doubt the book’s title is accurate in labeling the villain “America’s Biggest Catfish.” Perhaps it was true 14 years ago when this charade was panning out, but I can’t imagine it’s still true today. Also, there was a bit too much digital dialogue for my liking. Some of the back-and-forth emails and texts were repetitive and easily expendable. Still, “There is No Ethan” is an enlightening examination of a major problem in our digital world — and a stark reminder that it is easier than we think to fall victim to emotional manipulation.
September 5, 2024
The author lost me almost immediately when she was recounting her first conversations with “Ethan” in 2010 and he asked her if she was a “flaming liberal”, told her he was conservative but not “old school New York style, not crazy Sarah Palin conservative” yet his example of his worldview was “would hang a picture of Henry Kissinger in his house” and she just uncomfortably changed the subject and somehow continued to be attracted to this insufferable-sounding dude with a halfhearted note that it was a ~different time~ (it was 2010). Even if I acknowledge and set aside my complete inability to feel sympathy for liberal women who date conservative men, the pacing of this book was a mess and I wish an editor had been honest that spending the first 60% of the book on an incredibly detailed daily blow-by-blow retelling of every conversation during their 6 week correspondence felt more like listening to an acquaintance tell an extremely boring story than a compelling way to structure a BOOK by a SOCIOLOGIST. Also on the editors - why is a book about someone living in Ireland for large parts of the story and focused on their relationships with 3 women, one of whom is British, subtitled “America’s biggest catfish” ????? There was also a weird vein of elitism running through the story which I really would’ve liked to see examined further. Overall frustrating and not very good!
December 16, 2025
A book that has left me in two minds:
First off, catfishing is so not cool and there should be bigger penalties for them, as "Ethan" is still free as no crime was committed.
Secondly, the women that were caught by this person have only themselves to blame, as they wanted this intimacy they shared with "Ethan" and ignored all the red flags along the way as they were just lonely and desperate, and above all, stupid.
As a woman I do not feel particularly sorry for them as they could have prevented all of this and chose to be the victims. Also, I doubt "Ethan" was America's biggest catfish as it didn't even make headlines or got its own documentary.
First off, catfishing is so not cool and there should be bigger penalties for them, as "Ethan" is still free as no crime was committed.
Secondly, the women that were caught by this person have only themselves to blame, as they wanted this intimacy they shared with "Ethan" and ignored all the red flags along the way as they were just lonely and desperate, and above all, stupid.
As a woman I do not feel particularly sorry for them as they could have prevented all of this and chose to be the victims. Also, I doubt "Ethan" was America's biggest catfish as it didn't even make headlines or got its own documentary.
Read
July 24, 2024”Who is Ethan Schuman?”
You've got to read it yourself.
You can't make this stuff up.
Truth is stranger than fiction, but is it?
Unbelievable! Believe it!
Fooled once, fooled twice, fooled again and again.
Despicable.
If there is partiality to names, glad mine is not a variation of Ann.
Thank heavens I'm not on a dating site.
”The reality is so bizarre, ironic or sickly coincidental as to be unbelievable.”
A few other takeaways...
There Is No Ethan, I wish there were not, could have been a couldn't put it down thriller but sadly it is non-ficiton.
The amount of detailed email exchanges bogged down the read for me. Yet, the usage of these conversations between the catfish and the women who connected with this person, was primary to the catch. Very impressed with the superior research skills these women used to quickly nailed the identity of the predator when they realized they were not the only one being manipulated. Was amazed by the many years some victims were involved with this person, angry for what they experienced, furiously shocked at the outcome without even a moral justice for The Ethan That Was NOT.
You've got to read it yourself.
You can't make this stuff up.
Truth is stranger than fiction, but is it?
Unbelievable! Believe it!
Fooled once, fooled twice, fooled again and again.
Despicable.
If there is partiality to names, glad mine is not a variation of Ann.
Thank heavens I'm not on a dating site.
”The reality is so bizarre, ironic or sickly coincidental as to be unbelievable.”
A few other takeaways...
There Is No Ethan, I wish there were not, could have been a couldn't put it down thriller but sadly it is non-ficiton.
The amount of detailed email exchanges bogged down the read for me. Yet, the usage of these conversations between the catfish and the women who connected with this person, was primary to the catch. Very impressed with the superior research skills these women used to quickly nailed the identity of the predator when they realized they were not the only one being manipulated. Was amazed by the many years some victims were involved with this person, angry for what they experienced, furiously shocked at the outcome without even a moral justice for The Ethan That Was NOT.
May 30, 2024
Well, it's been less than 24 hours since I was gifted access to this book (thank you to NetGalley and the publisher), and I devoured it in two sittings. I can say with confidence that even the most twisty of thrillers can't compete with the tension and dramatic irony that Akbari brings to this story.
This is a book about "catfishing," a type of social media scam that involves creating fake identities to deceive strangers, usually in the context of online dating. For several months in 2011, the author was the victim of one such scam; but, she soon uncovered a much larger network of victims -- all female PhDs in their 30s -- not exactly the "easily duped" crowd. Much of the "dialogue" in this story comes from real chat logs between "Ethan" and the women he emotionally manipulates ("torments" would not be hyperbolic), which kept me flying through the pages and brought a level of realism that can't be manufactured. The early chapters, which detail "Ethan's" love-bombing as he hooks his unsuspecting victims, made me all the more sick to my stomach because... this is real.
The "mystery" of who is behind the Ethan hoax is likewise documented in meticulous detail -- and, without giving anything away, the eventual "mask-off" moment was satisfying. In light of the facts discussed in the Afterword, I really hope that this book takes off and gets people talking. It's a perfect book club pick, especially if you enjoy true crime or sociology.
This is a book about "catfishing," a type of social media scam that involves creating fake identities to deceive strangers, usually in the context of online dating. For several months in 2011, the author was the victim of one such scam; but, she soon uncovered a much larger network of victims -- all female PhDs in their 30s -- not exactly the "easily duped" crowd. Much of the "dialogue" in this story comes from real chat logs between "Ethan" and the women he emotionally manipulates ("torments" would not be hyperbolic), which kept me flying through the pages and brought a level of realism that can't be manufactured. The early chapters, which detail "Ethan's" love-bombing as he hooks his unsuspecting victims, made me all the more sick to my stomach because... this is real.
The "mystery" of who is behind the Ethan hoax is likewise documented in meticulous detail -- and, without giving anything away, the eventual "mask-off" moment was satisfying. In light of the facts discussed in the Afterword, I really hope that this book takes off and gets people talking. It's a perfect book club pick, especially if you enjoy true crime or sociology.
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