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Facing the Music: My Story
Jennifer Knapp's meteoric rise in the Christian music industry ended abruptly when she walked away and came out publicly as a lesbian. This is her story: of coming to Christ, of building a career, of admitting who she is, and of how her faith remained strong through it all.
At the top of her career in the Christian music industry, Jennifer Knapp quit. A few years later, she publicly revealed she is gay. A media frenzy ensued, and many of her former fans were angry with what they saw as turning her back on God. But through it all, she held on to the truth that had guided her from the beginning.
In this memoir, she finally tells her story: of her troubled childhood, the love of music that pulled her through, her dramatic conversion to Christianity, her rise to stardom, her abrupt departure from Christian Contemporary Music, her years of trying to come to terms with her sexual orientation, and her return to music and Nashville in 2010, when she came out publicly for the first time. She also talks about the importance of her faith, and despite the many who claim she can no longer call herself a believer, she maintains that she is both gay and a Christian.
Now an advocate for LGBT issues in the church, Jennifer has witnessed heartbreaking struggles as churches wrestle with issues of homosexuality and faith. This engrossing, inspiring memoir will help people understand her story and to believe in their own stories, whatever they may be.
At the top of her career in the Christian music industry, Jennifer Knapp quit. A few years later, she publicly revealed she is gay. A media frenzy ensued, and many of her former fans were angry with what they saw as turning her back on God. But through it all, she held on to the truth that had guided her from the beginning.
In this memoir, she finally tells her story: of her troubled childhood, the love of music that pulled her through, her dramatic conversion to Christianity, her rise to stardom, her abrupt departure from Christian Contemporary Music, her years of trying to come to terms with her sexual orientation, and her return to music and Nashville in 2010, when she came out publicly for the first time. She also talks about the importance of her faith, and despite the many who claim she can no longer call herself a believer, she maintains that she is both gay and a Christian.
Now an advocate for LGBT issues in the church, Jennifer has witnessed heartbreaking struggles as churches wrestle with issues of homosexuality and faith. This engrossing, inspiring memoir will help people understand her story and to believe in their own stories, whatever they may be.
292 pages, Hardcover
First published October 7, 2014
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722 people want to read
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November 11, 2014
(3.5) If you were a Christian music fan between 1998 and 2002, chances are you know the name Jennifer Knapp. During her brief CCM career, she released three albums, most notably her gold-selling debut, Kansas, which had radio hits like “Undo Me” and “Romans” and won her two Dove awards. Her rock-chick persona and country-infused contralto set her apart from a sea of pop princesses, as did her deeper-than-average spiritual lyrics. I saw her play live twice, once at Kingsfest and then opening for Jars of Clay in Baltimore in the fall of 2001.
In 2002, though, Knapp basically disappeared off the radar, not to resurface until 2010, when she announced that she was making music again – and that she had been in a same-sex relationship for eight years. This memoir fills in the missing time, gives Knapp’s background in music and faith, and brings readers up to date on what she’s doing now.
The section on her early life is the least interesting, and not particularly well written. The book really takes off with her conversion and early career. Most important to know is that her parents divorced when she was two and she and her twin sister went to live with their father and stepmother on a Kansas farm until high school. Given the choice, her sister moved in with their mother, but Jennifer stayed behind, though she didn’t get along with her stepmother at all, to continue music lessons. Her love of music was evident from an early age: she started with the recorder, then piano and trumpet (for which she earned a college scholarship). She didn’t pick up a guitar until college.
Knapp escaped her unhappy family situation by partying hard through high school and college, binge drinking multiple times a week and sleeping around with random guys. At age 18 she had to face the fact that she was an alcoholic and needed help if she didn’t want to wind up dead. Ami, a friend from her dorm room corridor, kept praying for her and led her to Christ. In her new life of attending FCA and leading worship, Knapp felt a little creeped out that people knew about her personal life and had been praying for her to turn away from destructive behaviors. It was her first taste of the culture of surveillance and judgment that would follow her through her years of music ministry. Was Christianity about membership in some clique or actual life change?
Knapp was never comfortable being a poster child for Christianity. She was alarmed at the kind of scare tactics she saw being used at Christian youth camps, and saddened that she could only toe the party line and not offer a true message of love and acceptance – for instance, to a girl who came up for an autograph and said Knapp’s music had saved her from a life of homosexuality. Knapp quickly learned that her every decision would be held up for scrutiny: she was criticized for playing Lilith Fair, and swiftly corrected when she listed the Indigo Girls as one of her inspirations; these liberal, secular influences were simply unacceptable.
From playing youth services and coffee houses, Knapp’s career went into high gear when she signed with Gotee Records (founded by DC Talk and solo singer Toby McKeehan). Celebrity events like GMA week made her head spin: “What was I doing here? I was definitely not in Kansas anymore.” Burnt out and exhausted by 2001, she said she needed a break but no one seemed to be listening. She returned to alcohol on tour, which paves the way for the best anecdote of the whole book. Knapp had brought along a young blonde singer named Katy Hudson to show her the ropes and serve as a mentor. Returning to the bus with a hangover didn’t exactly make her a role model. Some years later Knapp got the shock of her life when she turned on the TV and saw her protégée, renamed Katy Perry, singing about kissing a girl and liking it.
“It doesn’t take long to figure out that in the Christian subculture, the biggest criticism to throw at someone is to question their integrity as a believer,” Knapp remarks. And disproportional woe to those who ‘sin’ sexually! Scandals over Michael English (who had an affair) and Amy Grant (who got a divorce) were cautionary tales, yet Knapp was completely unprepared for the cloud of suspicion that surrounded her growing relationship with stage manager Karen. Nothing in the memoir foreshadowed this; there was no childhood attraction to girls. Instead, it’s that fascinating phenomenon of someone previously straight falling in love with a member of the same sex (it would be interesting to know Knapp’s twin sister’s orientation). “I had been celibate for ten years but, if God was sending me anyone, it was a woman.”
Things had come to a crisis point; “there was no difference between my faith, my music, or my profession. They were all inexorably fused together. Freeing myself from one meant freeing myself from all of it.” Knapp broke contract with Gotee, gave up her shares in an artist management business she had co-founded, and got away from Nashville. She and Karen bought a camper van and took road trips through America and Europe, then moved to Karen’s native Australia. Karen made her take her guitars, but Knapp flogged all her memorabilia; she swore she was done with Christian music forever.
I loved the Australia section of the book. Knapp may not have been that successful compared to a mainstream artist, but she was still able to live off her royalties for years. She and Karen explored the country thoroughly: having bush adventures, learning the lingo and the culture. Knapp eventually took citizenship, but remained leery about giving out her last name. Ashamed of her connection with Christianity, she never told anyone about her musical background. My other favorite moment from the memoir is when she was recognized by a plastic surgeon who was going to remove some pre-cancerous moles. For the first time she understood what an honor it had been to use her gift to play some small part in other people’s stories of faith.
Picking up a guitar again and starting a home studio in Australia were the prelude to moving back to Nashville and carefully orchestrating her public coming-out (via gay media, Christian media and mainstream media) in 2010. That year she released a new album, Letting Go; her latest is Set Me Free (2014) – neither of which I’ve heard, but I understand she’s distanced herself from Christian music and is playing general folk-rock. She has also started Inside Out Faith for reaching out to LGBT Christians.
What struck me while reading this book is that Knapp never felt ashamed of her identity or like she had to change herself to be accepted by God; it was only other Christians who wouldn’t accept her, like the bitter fan who made a point of mailing back all her albums. I don’t think you need to be a Jennifer Knapp fan to welcome this as a strong contribution to the debate over Christian responses to homosexuality. This isn’t a book of theology but of lived experience, something that should never be overlooked.
In 2002, though, Knapp basically disappeared off the radar, not to resurface until 2010, when she announced that she was making music again – and that she had been in a same-sex relationship for eight years. This memoir fills in the missing time, gives Knapp’s background in music and faith, and brings readers up to date on what she’s doing now.
The section on her early life is the least interesting, and not particularly well written. The book really takes off with her conversion and early career. Most important to know is that her parents divorced when she was two and she and her twin sister went to live with their father and stepmother on a Kansas farm until high school. Given the choice, her sister moved in with their mother, but Jennifer stayed behind, though she didn’t get along with her stepmother at all, to continue music lessons. Her love of music was evident from an early age: she started with the recorder, then piano and trumpet (for which she earned a college scholarship). She didn’t pick up a guitar until college.
Knapp escaped her unhappy family situation by partying hard through high school and college, binge drinking multiple times a week and sleeping around with random guys. At age 18 she had to face the fact that she was an alcoholic and needed help if she didn’t want to wind up dead. Ami, a friend from her dorm room corridor, kept praying for her and led her to Christ. In her new life of attending FCA and leading worship, Knapp felt a little creeped out that people knew about her personal life and had been praying for her to turn away from destructive behaviors. It was her first taste of the culture of surveillance and judgment that would follow her through her years of music ministry. Was Christianity about membership in some clique or actual life change?
It is this kind of juxtaposition that I find both oddly fascinating and maddening at the same time. Christianity can so eloquently remind me that we are all worthy of being loved. The Bible does well to illuminate and honor the selflessness and forgiveness required to keep love in motion, yet, at times, seems to suggest that God’s love is reserved for only a chosen few.
Knapp was never comfortable being a poster child for Christianity. She was alarmed at the kind of scare tactics she saw being used at Christian youth camps, and saddened that she could only toe the party line and not offer a true message of love and acceptance – for instance, to a girl who came up for an autograph and said Knapp’s music had saved her from a life of homosexuality. Knapp quickly learned that her every decision would be held up for scrutiny: she was criticized for playing Lilith Fair, and swiftly corrected when she listed the Indigo Girls as one of her inspirations; these liberal, secular influences were simply unacceptable.
From playing youth services and coffee houses, Knapp’s career went into high gear when she signed with Gotee Records (founded by DC Talk and solo singer Toby McKeehan). Celebrity events like GMA week made her head spin: “What was I doing here? I was definitely not in Kansas anymore.” Burnt out and exhausted by 2001, she said she needed a break but no one seemed to be listening. She returned to alcohol on tour, which paves the way for the best anecdote of the whole book. Knapp had brought along a young blonde singer named Katy Hudson to show her the ropes and serve as a mentor. Returning to the bus with a hangover didn’t exactly make her a role model. Some years later Knapp got the shock of her life when she turned on the TV and saw her protégée, renamed Katy Perry, singing about kissing a girl and liking it.
“It doesn’t take long to figure out that in the Christian subculture, the biggest criticism to throw at someone is to question their integrity as a believer,” Knapp remarks. And disproportional woe to those who ‘sin’ sexually! Scandals over Michael English (who had an affair) and Amy Grant (who got a divorce) were cautionary tales, yet Knapp was completely unprepared for the cloud of suspicion that surrounded her growing relationship with stage manager Karen. Nothing in the memoir foreshadowed this; there was no childhood attraction to girls. Instead, it’s that fascinating phenomenon of someone previously straight falling in love with a member of the same sex (it would be interesting to know Knapp’s twin sister’s orientation). “I had been celibate for ten years but, if God was sending me anyone, it was a woman.”
Things had come to a crisis point; “there was no difference between my faith, my music, or my profession. They were all inexorably fused together. Freeing myself from one meant freeing myself from all of it.” Knapp broke contract with Gotee, gave up her shares in an artist management business she had co-founded, and got away from Nashville. She and Karen bought a camper van and took road trips through America and Europe, then moved to Karen’s native Australia. Karen made her take her guitars, but Knapp flogged all her memorabilia; she swore she was done with Christian music forever.
I loved the Australia section of the book. Knapp may not have been that successful compared to a mainstream artist, but she was still able to live off her royalties for years. She and Karen explored the country thoroughly: having bush adventures, learning the lingo and the culture. Knapp eventually took citizenship, but remained leery about giving out her last name. Ashamed of her connection with Christianity, she never told anyone about her musical background. My other favorite moment from the memoir is when she was recognized by a plastic surgeon who was going to remove some pre-cancerous moles. For the first time she understood what an honor it had been to use her gift to play some small part in other people’s stories of faith.
Picking up a guitar again and starting a home studio in Australia were the prelude to moving back to Nashville and carefully orchestrating her public coming-out (via gay media, Christian media and mainstream media) in 2010. That year she released a new album, Letting Go; her latest is Set Me Free (2014) – neither of which I’ve heard, but I understand she’s distanced herself from Christian music and is playing general folk-rock. She has also started Inside Out Faith for reaching out to LGBT Christians.
What struck me while reading this book is that Knapp never felt ashamed of her identity or like she had to change herself to be accepted by God; it was only other Christians who wouldn’t accept her, like the bitter fan who made a point of mailing back all her albums. I don’t think you need to be a Jennifer Knapp fan to welcome this as a strong contribution to the debate over Christian responses to homosexuality. This isn’t a book of theology but of lived experience, something that should never be overlooked.
Really, it’s all about story. To be oneself requires a vulnerability that needs love, compassion, forgiveness, and empathy to protect. We know that every single person who dares to come out of the closet does so at great risk. We share the truth about ourselves because we want to be known. We want to be known because we long to love and be loved. How is this anything other than the universal cry of the human heart?
December 18, 2014
Back in the late 90s, I fell in love with Jennifer Knapp's music. I was always a struggling Christian at best because of my near-constant doubts and questions about faith. I identified with Jennifer's music because it was so unlike the bubbly Christian music that was popular at that time. I saw her in concert once and she blew my mind. Jennifer's music expressed sincerity about the faith experience, but never shied away from the weaknesses that made Christians, ultimately, only human.
Somewhere in the 2000s, I was pulling away from Christianity and stopped paying such close attention to the Christian music scene. Peripherally, I was aware that Jennifer was on an extended hiatus from music, but my Internet searches only turned up the rumor mill. I figured maybe she'd gotten burned out and needed a temporary break, or maybe she was working on some stuff in her personal life.
A few years later, I had fully moved on from Christianity and any religion in favor of a comfortable agnosticism. Despite this, I've always held a special place in my heart and memories for Jennifer's music. One evening, I was flipping through tv channels and stopped on CNN's Larry King Live. I thought, 'Hey--that's Jennifer Knapp!' Imagine my excitement in seeing her on tv when I hadn't heard her songs in many years, even though I still have all her CDs. When I read the headline onscreen that said Jennifer had come out as gay, I was thrilled, to be honest.
First, you have to understand--when I was doing the Jesus thing as a teenager, homosexuality was one of those deal breaker issues as far as religious doctrine. Evangelicals had drilled it into my head that being gay was a sin--but God could cure you of it. Christians could not be gay, end of conversation. When I left Christianity, I was relieved to leave that kind of bigotry behind. And honestly, when I had been a Christian, I never really understood precisely why being gay was supposed to be such a huge sin in the first place.
So, back to present day. I follow Jennifer on Twitter, so I was aware that she still identifies as being a Christian, although certainly no longer the Evangelical kind. When I read that she was releasing a memoir, I was so excited to finally get to hear her story.
The book is a brave reflection on what it means to be a person of faith when the established religious community rejects you. In Jennifer's case, the world of contemporary Christian music (CCM) basically ostracized her after she came out. It's always been so interesting to me how some of the most hypocritical, un-Christlike people are the very people who claim to be the most devout of Christ followers.
The book is also a raw look at Jennifer's tumultuous family life, which involved parents who divorced when Jennifer and her twin sister were very young, as well as an emotionally abusive stepmother. Although Jennifer had basically been a good kid growing up, her troubles at home ultimately came to a head and she pretty much let loose after that. She is very open about having had a severe drinking problem in college. When she became a Christian as somewhat an act of desperation, she realized that it saved her life.
Jennifer had always been musical in school, but after becoming a Christian, those around her prompted her to use her musical talents in service to God. The portion of the book where she talks about her first record deal and her entrance into CCM is fascinating. For a Christian industry, it sounds pretty cutthroat. It is, after all, a business. It's also a business where even the hint of impropriety is to be avoided at all times. Jennifer mentions some infamous names in CCM, ones I recognized immediately because of the scandal surrounding those singers' personal failings in a harsh public light. Given how the industry treated those people, imagine Jennifer's terror at the idea of anyone finding out that she is gay.
Her hiatus from music was the result of severe burnout from constant touring and promotion. After this, she went off the grid--and took that time to discover being with the person she had fallen in love with, someone who happens to be a woman.
Years later when Jennifer decided it was time to come back to music, she knew she wanted to distance herself from the Christian music industry and just make good music. Of course, her fans and the industry itself expected that she was returning to make CCM again. She set the record straight when she officially came out in 2010. It's not surprising at all to me that many people turned their backs on her--from fans to people she considered friends and mentors. Christianity and I have always had a contentious relationship for this very reason. They teach you to love, except when certain people are 'living in sin' because of a perceived 'lifestyle choice.' It just never made sense to me. But I was glad to learn that some people stuck with Jennifer after she came out--even some people in the Christian music industry. It gives me some hope, if only a spark of it.
What Jennifer has done is incredibly brave. I don't know that she would characterize herself as such, but that's how I see it. To live truthfully, honestly, in spite of your harshest detractors--that's the hardest thing you can do, but it's also the thing that will make you free. I really admire her for being honest, continuing to live a version of faith that works for her, and now working as an advocate for LGBT people of faith. She has always been an inspiration to me in the past. Now she's one for a new and even greater reason.
Somewhere in the 2000s, I was pulling away from Christianity and stopped paying such close attention to the Christian music scene. Peripherally, I was aware that Jennifer was on an extended hiatus from music, but my Internet searches only turned up the rumor mill. I figured maybe she'd gotten burned out and needed a temporary break, or maybe she was working on some stuff in her personal life.
A few years later, I had fully moved on from Christianity and any religion in favor of a comfortable agnosticism. Despite this, I've always held a special place in my heart and memories for Jennifer's music. One evening, I was flipping through tv channels and stopped on CNN's Larry King Live. I thought, 'Hey--that's Jennifer Knapp!' Imagine my excitement in seeing her on tv when I hadn't heard her songs in many years, even though I still have all her CDs. When I read the headline onscreen that said Jennifer had come out as gay, I was thrilled, to be honest.
First, you have to understand--when I was doing the Jesus thing as a teenager, homosexuality was one of those deal breaker issues as far as religious doctrine. Evangelicals had drilled it into my head that being gay was a sin--but God could cure you of it. Christians could not be gay, end of conversation. When I left Christianity, I was relieved to leave that kind of bigotry behind. And honestly, when I had been a Christian, I never really understood precisely why being gay was supposed to be such a huge sin in the first place.
So, back to present day. I follow Jennifer on Twitter, so I was aware that she still identifies as being a Christian, although certainly no longer the Evangelical kind. When I read that she was releasing a memoir, I was so excited to finally get to hear her story.
The book is a brave reflection on what it means to be a person of faith when the established religious community rejects you. In Jennifer's case, the world of contemporary Christian music (CCM) basically ostracized her after she came out. It's always been so interesting to me how some of the most hypocritical, un-Christlike people are the very people who claim to be the most devout of Christ followers.
The book is also a raw look at Jennifer's tumultuous family life, which involved parents who divorced when Jennifer and her twin sister were very young, as well as an emotionally abusive stepmother. Although Jennifer had basically been a good kid growing up, her troubles at home ultimately came to a head and she pretty much let loose after that. She is very open about having had a severe drinking problem in college. When she became a Christian as somewhat an act of desperation, she realized that it saved her life.
Jennifer had always been musical in school, but after becoming a Christian, those around her prompted her to use her musical talents in service to God. The portion of the book where she talks about her first record deal and her entrance into CCM is fascinating. For a Christian industry, it sounds pretty cutthroat. It is, after all, a business. It's also a business where even the hint of impropriety is to be avoided at all times. Jennifer mentions some infamous names in CCM, ones I recognized immediately because of the scandal surrounding those singers' personal failings in a harsh public light. Given how the industry treated those people, imagine Jennifer's terror at the idea of anyone finding out that she is gay.
Her hiatus from music was the result of severe burnout from constant touring and promotion. After this, she went off the grid--and took that time to discover being with the person she had fallen in love with, someone who happens to be a woman.
Years later when Jennifer decided it was time to come back to music, she knew she wanted to distance herself from the Christian music industry and just make good music. Of course, her fans and the industry itself expected that she was returning to make CCM again. She set the record straight when she officially came out in 2010. It's not surprising at all to me that many people turned their backs on her--from fans to people she considered friends and mentors. Christianity and I have always had a contentious relationship for this very reason. They teach you to love, except when certain people are 'living in sin' because of a perceived 'lifestyle choice.' It just never made sense to me. But I was glad to learn that some people stuck with Jennifer after she came out--even some people in the Christian music industry. It gives me some hope, if only a spark of it.
What Jennifer has done is incredibly brave. I don't know that she would characterize herself as such, but that's how I see it. To live truthfully, honestly, in spite of your harshest detractors--that's the hardest thing you can do, but it's also the thing that will make you free. I really admire her for being honest, continuing to live a version of faith that works for her, and now working as an advocate for LGBT people of faith. She has always been an inspiration to me in the past. Now she's one for a new and even greater reason.
February 3, 2016
I could not put this book down. I have always loved Jennifer Knapp and her music. This book is just as poignant as her lyrics. There were times during this read that I was sobbing uncontrollably because I could understand her pain. I also reveled in the parts where life was good and all the joy and peace she experienced. Her story resonates with me so deeply and has made this the best memoir I have read.
October 18, 2016
This was interesting. And spiritually I could relate to her journey. Being raised fairly secularly, in the upheaval of a broken home, having siblings, but not always living in the same house, being made to feel as though one had no worth; and then having a legitimate, life-changing faith encounter, only to have it hijacked and manipulated by fundamentalism. And trying my best to measure up to their idea of what a Christian was, before eventually growing disillusioned with all of it.
But there was one main thing that kept me from loving this book: it felt less like an intimate memoir allowing the reader to share in the author's life experiences and more of a reluctant recitation of her journey. ON example of this was her refusal to name her family, even her twin sister, who she simply referred to as "my sister". Nor did she name any childhood friends or significant relationships. Did she have any? Did she date in high school? She slept around in college, but that is mentioned in passing. Even her relationship with Karen seemed to come from left field, and the author shared very little about what it was like for her. (It would be difficult for ANYONE to process a sudden attraction to a woman, let alone a well-known christian singer).
Ms. Knapp seems to be a very private person, and I believe that it was probably difficult for her to share even this much of herself with strangers, unfortunately for me, who has a thousand reasons to relate to her journey, I finished the book feeling like I didn't know much more than I learned in the newspaper article when came out several years ago.
But there was one main thing that kept me from loving this book: it felt less like an intimate memoir allowing the reader to share in the author's life experiences and more of a reluctant recitation of her journey. ON example of this was her refusal to name her family, even her twin sister, who she simply referred to as "my sister". Nor did she name any childhood friends or significant relationships. Did she have any? Did she date in high school? She slept around in college, but that is mentioned in passing. Even her relationship with Karen seemed to come from left field, and the author shared very little about what it was like for her. (It would be difficult for ANYONE to process a sudden attraction to a woman, let alone a well-known christian singer).
Ms. Knapp seems to be a very private person, and I believe that it was probably difficult for her to share even this much of herself with strangers, unfortunately for me, who has a thousand reasons to relate to her journey, I finished the book feeling like I didn't know much more than I learned in the newspaper article when came out several years ago.
October 8, 2014
Her music was a defining part of my teenage years, and she put together lyrics that still speak to me so many years later. In my sheltered bubble of acceptable music at the time she was inspirational -- I loved the honesty, and the raw texture of her expressiveness. I can say that in hindsight now.
Writing lyrics so rarely translates to writing long form, but she shines here. You can tell even without her descriptions of her encounters with books at a young age that she's well read. She applies her skills here, and the stories are not simply honest and thoughtfully composed, but well told in the end. Sorry, I'm going into craft here before I even go into what makes this shine for me.
Her songs are already so very loaded with all of the baggage of my teenage years, and the meanings I put to her songs before. Going back, now I appreciate them even more for a completely different take -- her own intent and where she came from when she wrote them. At one point when reading, I had to drift away from reading for a moment and slightly tear up singing Martyrs and Thieves to myself after reading about her experiences with her father and stepmother. Later, her own description of where she was coming from there only solidified that moment.
Yes. I loved this book.
I am so happy that she can be honest and happy after all of these years. I'm so overjoyed that she's found a place for herself that gives her some comfort. I am also going to be selfish, and hope that she continues to write. :D
Writing lyrics so rarely translates to writing long form, but she shines here. You can tell even without her descriptions of her encounters with books at a young age that she's well read. She applies her skills here, and the stories are not simply honest and thoughtfully composed, but well told in the end. Sorry, I'm going into craft here before I even go into what makes this shine for me.
Her songs are already so very loaded with all of the baggage of my teenage years, and the meanings I put to her songs before. Going back, now I appreciate them even more for a completely different take -- her own intent and where she came from when she wrote them. At one point when reading, I had to drift away from reading for a moment and slightly tear up singing Martyrs and Thieves to myself after reading about her experiences with her father and stepmother. Later, her own description of where she was coming from there only solidified that moment.
Yes. I loved this book.
I am so happy that she can be honest and happy after all of these years. I'm so overjoyed that she's found a place for herself that gives her some comfort. I am also going to be selfish, and hope that she continues to write. :D
March 19, 2016
I devoured this book in a week's time. Knapp's passion for music, her introspection, and her unease in the shiny world of American evangelical sub-culture all resonated with me.
If I like a book at all, I tend to love it without reason right after I shut the covers. It's only later that I may be more critical. Knapp's voice is honest & vulnerable, and her story is heart-wrenching. My only reason for not giving the book five stars is that I felt at times her prose drifted a bit into cliche. I've read several very well-written memoirs this year, and Knapp's narrative prose isn't quite as strong (in my opinion) as her incredible poetic gift. (I've loved Knapp's lyrics since KANSAS.)
Still, a very good book and well worth a read!
If I like a book at all, I tend to love it without reason right after I shut the covers. It's only later that I may be more critical. Knapp's voice is honest & vulnerable, and her story is heart-wrenching. My only reason for not giving the book five stars is that I felt at times her prose drifted a bit into cliche. I've read several very well-written memoirs this year, and Knapp's narrative prose isn't quite as strong (in my opinion) as her incredible poetic gift. (I've loved Knapp's lyrics since KANSAS.)
Still, a very good book and well worth a read!
March 6, 2023
I saw Jennifer Knapp on the Supernatural DCTalk tour, I think January 1999. I had never heard of her but I loved her immediately. I remember being pissed that the people around me wouldn’t shut up during her set (which wasn’t loud comparative to the other acts).
I went home and looked her up and bought two CDs. I was obsessed.
The rumors of her being gay started very soon after that. I knew that her lyrics were much different than the average CCM music of the day. They were personal and they even included heavy themes of doubt. My own journey with Jesus included a lot of baggage with never feeling perfect or worth enough. I knew our personalities were similar, as was the fact we came to faith later in life and didn’t grow up in families immersed in Evangelical Christian culture.
The next CD, The Way I Am, I cried all the way through. It was hard to listen to. Maybe some of it was my own religious issues, but I could hear the pain in her voice and in her soul. I heard her struggling to define herself. I knew the CCM game, and I knew that if she was gay, it would mean the end of her CCM career.
She disappeared from the music scene just as I began my own faith evolution. I heard every single rumor floating around that she mentioned. I always just hoped that she was kind of living underground…or maybe another hemisphere, apparently!
I still feel like our personalities are very similar. I know that sounds cliche, but I hold to it. She’s a great writer and I still love her.
But this song will always hurt to hear.
It's better off this way
To be deaf, dumb, and lame
Than to be the way I am, I am
It's better off this way
Than be groping for the flame
Than to be the way I am, I am
I pray peace for both her and myself on our spiritual journeys. I’m an ordained Christian minister and I am an ally.
I went home and looked her up and bought two CDs. I was obsessed.
The rumors of her being gay started very soon after that. I knew that her lyrics were much different than the average CCM music of the day. They were personal and they even included heavy themes of doubt. My own journey with Jesus included a lot of baggage with never feeling perfect or worth enough. I knew our personalities were similar, as was the fact we came to faith later in life and didn’t grow up in families immersed in Evangelical Christian culture.
The next CD, The Way I Am, I cried all the way through. It was hard to listen to. Maybe some of it was my own religious issues, but I could hear the pain in her voice and in her soul. I heard her struggling to define herself. I knew the CCM game, and I knew that if she was gay, it would mean the end of her CCM career.
She disappeared from the music scene just as I began my own faith evolution. I heard every single rumor floating around that she mentioned. I always just hoped that she was kind of living underground…or maybe another hemisphere, apparently!
I still feel like our personalities are very similar. I know that sounds cliche, but I hold to it. She’s a great writer and I still love her.
But this song will always hurt to hear.
It's better off this way
To be deaf, dumb, and lame
Than to be the way I am, I am
It's better off this way
Than be groping for the flame
Than to be the way I am, I am
I pray peace for both her and myself on our spiritual journeys. I’m an ordained Christian minister and I am an ally.
August 10, 2014
In this memoir Jennifer Knapp shares about her very difficult childhood and how music kept her going through it. The music couldn't however save her from the destructive pattern she started in high school and continued into college becoming a severe alcoholic as a teenager. What did save her was counseling and developing a relationship with Christ. Through her music and her new Christian friends Jennifer found herself propelled into a career in Christian Contemporary music where she quickly found herself atop the charts and engulfed in the consuming machine that is the Christian Contemporary Music industry. Eventually Jennifer wound up realizing that she had fallen in love with another woman and it was becoming increasingly clear to others who did not approve. Completely burnt out by constant touring and pressure to record more music and realizing she could no longer lie about her feelings Jennifer announced that she was quitting and disappeared for many years until she felt a call to return to Nashville in 2010.
I really enjoyed reading this book, but it made me sad. Jennifer found the love of Jesus and it saved her life and then a bunch of so-called Christians showed her everything but the love of Christ and almost ruined her faith. Luckily she felt God's love more than their hate, but many people don't.
I really enjoyed reading this book, but it made me sad. Jennifer found the love of Jesus and it saved her life and then a bunch of so-called Christians showed her everything but the love of Christ and almost ruined her faith. Luckily she felt God's love more than their hate, but many people don't.
March 8, 2017
Loved this memoir. She really captured a lot of the same feelings I have about Christian culture. I really liked where she ended up in her thought process at the end of the book, where she has to be herself, sexuality and faith alike. She cannot divorce herself from her faith even after the pain other Christians have inflicted on her because she is gay, yet she also cannot deny the romantic feelings she has for other women.
"The entire world could, would, can, and will forever offer its opinions about how to be the best version of yourself that they imagine you should be. Yet none of us will ever be able to live any life other than our own. There comes a point where the only real thing, the only choice we really have, is the choice to be responsible for the journey that is our own. I gave up on my journey once, and I can't imagine doing it again." - Jennifer Knapp, page 288-289
"The entire world could, would, can, and will forever offer its opinions about how to be the best version of yourself that they imagine you should be. Yet none of us will ever be able to live any life other than our own. There comes a point where the only real thing, the only choice we really have, is the choice to be responsible for the journey that is our own. I gave up on my journey once, and I can't imagine doing it again." - Jennifer Knapp, page 288-289
September 1, 2022
Jennifer Knapp's music is a part of the soundtrack of my life, particularly late high school/early college. And then she dropped off the face of the earth, and now I know it was to Austrailia! Haha.
This was an interesting read purely for the fact that I knew she was, I share knowledge of similar church upbringings and the Christian music culture.
However... it moved slowly for me. She repeated a lot of the same information and stories, and I found myself getting a little bored and wanting her to get to the point, step into healing and move forward. (I know every person's story and journey is different, don't come at me, lol).
This was an interesting read purely for the fact that I knew she was, I share knowledge of similar church upbringings and the Christian music culture.
However... it moved slowly for me. She repeated a lot of the same information and stories, and I found myself getting a little bored and wanting her to get to the point, step into healing and move forward. (I know every person's story and journey is different, don't come at me, lol).
October 10, 2014
I wasn't able to put this down. Growing up as the youngest daughter of an Evangelical pastor, this book is such a reflection of my journey and the journey of so many others.
From escaping in her music to cope to hesitating when claiming to be a Christian to the struggle of trying to reconcile her faith with her sexuality, Jennifer paints an honest picture of what life brings.
I highly recommend this book.
From escaping in her music to cope to hesitating when claiming to be a Christian to the struggle of trying to reconcile her faith with her sexuality, Jennifer paints an honest picture of what life brings.
I highly recommend this book.
April 26, 2021
There were so many things that I just didn't know about Jennifer Knapp's life. Much of this was on purpose as Jennifer seems to, for the most part, be a very private person. What I found in this book was the story of a person who wrestled with herself, found faith, found love, found judgment, wrestled with herself some more, found quiet, found herself, renewed her faith, and found an additional purpose. This book is lovely, as is the person of Jennifer Knapp. A worthy read.
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August 19, 2022This book is an interesting memoir about a Christian singer who left the music scene and came out as a lesbian and the backlash she received from the Christian community.
March 3, 2018
I knew of the name Jennifer Knapp from my days of listening to Contemporary Christian Music(CCM). I knew of her music because hers was the type of Christian music I avoided.
Through my Tedious Music Prick persona I put up walls and limits to what Christian music I liked. Yeah. I’m an asshole.
Fast forward what seems to be a life time later, I find myself on the outside of the church after coming out and walking away. Through a podcast about Post-Evangelicalism I stumbled across an interview with Jennifer Knapp, only to discover she too had come out and all the dealings which transpired before and after. I learned she published an autobiography, which I put on my wishlist.
In 9 days I finished her book and through these nine days I have grown to admire and respect a person who, due to selfish reasons paid no attention to.
Jennifer, thank you. Thank you for your authenticity. If anything I gained from this book is that it’s not always easy being true to oneself. It’s a process of many failures, fears and frustrations. Thank you for the honesty in your music. (Yes, I’ve started listening. It’s growing on me.)
From one brass player to another. Empty the spit valve of life and play on.
Through my Tedious Music Prick persona I put up walls and limits to what Christian music I liked. Yeah. I’m an asshole.
Fast forward what seems to be a life time later, I find myself on the outside of the church after coming out and walking away. Through a podcast about Post-Evangelicalism I stumbled across an interview with Jennifer Knapp, only to discover she too had come out and all the dealings which transpired before and after. I learned she published an autobiography, which I put on my wishlist.
In 9 days I finished her book and through these nine days I have grown to admire and respect a person who, due to selfish reasons paid no attention to.
Jennifer, thank you. Thank you for your authenticity. If anything I gained from this book is that it’s not always easy being true to oneself. It’s a process of many failures, fears and frustrations. Thank you for the honesty in your music. (Yes, I’ve started listening. It’s growing on me.)
From one brass player to another. Empty the spit valve of life and play on.
May 28, 2019
afjladsjflakds. There are certainly things about Jennifer Knapp's story that differ from mine--growing up on a farm instead of in the city, in a non-Christian, divorced family, embracing a music major, a partying lifestyle, and a professional career in Contemporary Christian Music. But I found myself relating, over and over again to the feelings and pain Jennifer experienced after she came out as gay. I highly recommend this book to any Christian (or people of other faiths, or even those who have no faith) who wants to understand the overlap of belief and lived experience for queer Christians. They can clobber us with Bible verses all they want, but they can never deny the truth of our stories.
February 1, 2019
I really enjoyed her story. I can feel the pain she went through as she relives it in these pages. She has a great story about overcoming struggles. The faith she must have to have endured so much but remain faithful to her deep faith is remarkable. She was shames and ridiculed for being herself by people who were suppose to share the same love she has. I can only imagine how difficult it was to see those people turn their backs, based entirely on her sexual preference. Good story.
July 10, 2024
I'm very glad I read this book. I liked seeing the perspective and the story of someone whose life is radically different from my own.
There was almost no theological discourse; in fact, she shared some beliefs about the Bible that concerned me. Also very little about her actual relationship with Christ and what that looked like. I would have liked more details on all of that.
She is a bold woman, though. I appreciated her story.
There was almost no theological discourse; in fact, she shared some beliefs about the Bible that concerned me. Also very little about her actual relationship with Christ and what that looked like. I would have liked more details on all of that.
She is a bold woman, though. I appreciated her story.
June 9, 2021
A beautiful memoir from such a vulnerable, raw, authentic place. There are still so many unanswered questions for me as a conservative evangelical pastor as to how I can engage with gay Christians. Jennifer’s memoir has at the very least pulled some bricks out of the wall.
January 2, 2023
I met Jennifer just a few months ago when she was here in Denver. While her book came out years ago, I had never taken the time to purchase a copy. This was the perfect time for me to hear her story and learn about the journey that led her to the concert at The Soiled Dove in Denver. She is such a genuine person and I feel pretty damn lucky to have met her and read her book this past year.
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March 29, 2024This is a story that needs to be told and I'm glad Jennifer told it. It's a memoir so I won't rate it because each life is valuable but definitely thought provoking and I gained some worthwhile understanding of her life by reading it.
February 24, 2015
"Facing The Music: My Story" Jennifer Knapp recalls her lifelong love for music, and her rise to the top of the CCM industry, as an award winning performing artist, her albums were multi-nominated for Grammy Awards. In Abilene Texas, on September 10, 2002 she performed her last concert, and walked away from her successful career, leaving the CCM culture, the judgment, hypocrisy, and intolerance behind. This is her courageous story!
Born a twin, in the heartland of America in 1974, her parents soon divorced. Jennifer's father, a farmer, was awarded custody of his daughters and eventually remarried. Going to a country school, seeing her mother sporadically, she had a very unhappy childhood; and sought peace, solace in music, playing the trumpet in the school band. Soon, she was entering and winning state competitions, she also learned to play the piano and guitar. With her sister living with her mom, she felt alone, but continued living in her fathers home because of her established student music accomplishments and status. Before and early college she experimented with alcohol and sex before becoming a Christian at Pittsburg State University.
Jennifer joined a Christian band, soon became famous and accepted as a successful Christian performing artist. Her career began to take off in 1994. Eventually she would move just outside Music City Nashville TN. Her CCM label promoted her to the hilt, and she embarked on seemingly endless concert tour circuit. As long as she remained single and celibate, which was easy to do, there were no questions raised by those who monitored the actions of CCM artists. There was no sex outside marriage, drink or illicit drug use, or homosexuality tolerated. Artists had to sign binding contracts on occasion to verify they were free of these sins. Living under such harsh scrutiny in addition to the exhausting tour demands wore Knapp down, and she eventually burned out. Without the support of family, (little was revealed about them) or many true friends Knapp's became emotionally distraught, and the fears of uncertainty, failure, and being Gay in the CCM culture took its toll. Knapp wanted to get rid of and sell all her guitars and music equipment, Karen refused to allow this, saving her guitars for a later time.
With her partner Karen, and the money she had earned from her career, they took a much needed vacation/holiday and toured Europe before settling in Karen's native Australia. An ambitious and adventurous wish of Karen was to explore the bush of the Western Outback, which they bravely traveled together. Knapp would return to her love of music and perform again, returning to Nashville in 2009. Knapp is an Australian citizen, and makes her home there with Karen. In 2011 she formed her LGBT advocacy organization: "Inside Out Faith" recognizing and honoring the spirituality and faith of LGBT Christians.
Born a twin, in the heartland of America in 1974, her parents soon divorced. Jennifer's father, a farmer, was awarded custody of his daughters and eventually remarried. Going to a country school, seeing her mother sporadically, she had a very unhappy childhood; and sought peace, solace in music, playing the trumpet in the school band. Soon, she was entering and winning state competitions, she also learned to play the piano and guitar. With her sister living with her mom, she felt alone, but continued living in her fathers home because of her established student music accomplishments and status. Before and early college she experimented with alcohol and sex before becoming a Christian at Pittsburg State University.
Jennifer joined a Christian band, soon became famous and accepted as a successful Christian performing artist. Her career began to take off in 1994. Eventually she would move just outside Music City Nashville TN. Her CCM label promoted her to the hilt, and she embarked on seemingly endless concert tour circuit. As long as she remained single and celibate, which was easy to do, there were no questions raised by those who monitored the actions of CCM artists. There was no sex outside marriage, drink or illicit drug use, or homosexuality tolerated. Artists had to sign binding contracts on occasion to verify they were free of these sins. Living under such harsh scrutiny in addition to the exhausting tour demands wore Knapp down, and she eventually burned out. Without the support of family, (little was revealed about them) or many true friends Knapp's became emotionally distraught, and the fears of uncertainty, failure, and being Gay in the CCM culture took its toll. Knapp wanted to get rid of and sell all her guitars and music equipment, Karen refused to allow this, saving her guitars for a later time.
With her partner Karen, and the money she had earned from her career, they took a much needed vacation/holiday and toured Europe before settling in Karen's native Australia. An ambitious and adventurous wish of Karen was to explore the bush of the Western Outback, which they bravely traveled together. Knapp would return to her love of music and perform again, returning to Nashville in 2009. Knapp is an Australian citizen, and makes her home there with Karen. In 2011 she formed her LGBT advocacy organization: "Inside Out Faith" recognizing and honoring the spirituality and faith of LGBT Christians.
October 4, 2014
Early on, I became accustomed to how people in the church can have a tendency to complain about others by judging someone's likeness to Christ by their own perceptions of what a Christian should or shouldn't look like, do, or not do.--Facing the Music
--I was sent a free, advanced copy of Facing the Music from Howard Books for me to read and review on my blog. I loved it.
--Three years ago I wouldn't have chosen to pick this book up, let alone read it. Yet, since my divorce, a whole new world has been opened up to me. I have discovered that the world isn't even close to as narrow as I used to think it was.
--In reflecting on the past 20 years, I cringe when I look at how much I judged others, and at how judgmental many Christians and churches can be.
--Recently, I disagreed with another Christian blogger who had a very uncompassionate view of interacting with a gay person. He too also just went through a divorce. I was shocked that his divorce hadn't softened his heart towards others.
--All that said, I found Jennifer's book to be very therapeutic. I have always loved people who are genuine and real, and Jennifer is just that.
--She shares about her childhood, and how she grew up. She talks about her struggles with addictions while trying to cope with her life at college. She talks about how she became a believer, and how she ended up becoming a successful singer in the Christian Contemporary realm.
--Jennifer then talks about how she wanted out of the Christian music scene and her realization that she was gay.
--I could relate to a lot of what she says in dealing with a very judgmental Christian realm. Below are some excerpts on how she concludes her book:
Really, it's all about story. To be oneself requires a vulnerability that needs love, compassion, forgiveness, and empathy to protect.
I must write. I must sing. I must love. I must have faith. All these things insert themselves into being who I am.
Yet none of us will ever be able to live any life other than our own. There comes a point where the only real thing, the only choice we really have, is the choice to be responsible for the journey that is our own.
--I was sent a free, advanced copy of Facing the Music from Howard Books for me to read and review on my blog. I loved it.
--Three years ago I wouldn't have chosen to pick this book up, let alone read it. Yet, since my divorce, a whole new world has been opened up to me. I have discovered that the world isn't even close to as narrow as I used to think it was.
--In reflecting on the past 20 years, I cringe when I look at how much I judged others, and at how judgmental many Christians and churches can be.
--Recently, I disagreed with another Christian blogger who had a very uncompassionate view of interacting with a gay person. He too also just went through a divorce. I was shocked that his divorce hadn't softened his heart towards others.
--All that said, I found Jennifer's book to be very therapeutic. I have always loved people who are genuine and real, and Jennifer is just that.
--She shares about her childhood, and how she grew up. She talks about her struggles with addictions while trying to cope with her life at college. She talks about how she became a believer, and how she ended up becoming a successful singer in the Christian Contemporary realm.
--Jennifer then talks about how she wanted out of the Christian music scene and her realization that she was gay.
--I could relate to a lot of what she says in dealing with a very judgmental Christian realm. Below are some excerpts on how she concludes her book:
Really, it's all about story. To be oneself requires a vulnerability that needs love, compassion, forgiveness, and empathy to protect.
I must write. I must sing. I must love. I must have faith. All these things insert themselves into being who I am.
Yet none of us will ever be able to live any life other than our own. There comes a point where the only real thing, the only choice we really have, is the choice to be responsible for the journey that is our own.
August 30, 2015
Gah, Jennifer Knapp. I can still sing all the songs off of her debut album Kansas without any prompting. Her music, for a young churchy high school girl, was game changing. The lyrics lacked the cheese factor found on Christian radio and felt like poetry brought to life with a rock guitar. I spent a lot of time after discovering her writing my own poems and wishing I had musical talent. Though I saw her perform at a festival, I didn't walk away with any lasting impression of her beyond the marketed image. After reading this memoir, I wonder if that was during her time of angst and wanting to be done with the whole scene....
By the time Knapp walked away from the Christian music scene, I'd moved on myself. I didn't really think about what had happened to her. In addition to revealing a fairly awful childhood that led to alcoholism and painful sexual experiences, Knapp shows how quickly her life as a new convert to Christianity spun her into a national spotlight as a CCM artist meant to hold the standards of integrity of a clergyman. No wonder she needed to get away from all that!
The middle of the book chronicles her three years of traveling with her partner Karen across the eastern states, Europe, and the Australian Outback. Again I found myself wanting to produce some best-selling albums in order to have multiple years to travel! So, in a way, it's a travelogue of sorts.
Only in the final two chapters does she recount returning to the Nashville music industry and opening up about her sexual orientation, so I find myself wondering how she feels today about her position as a sort of spokesperson for the LGBT Christian community. I'm so glad she had the opportunity to write her story and put it out there, and I'm very happy that my library had a copy! Now, I'm off to relive the 90s.
Side note: Knapp's story also serves to emphasize the importance of keeping the creative arts in public schools and providing all children with access to instruments and music programs.
By the time Knapp walked away from the Christian music scene, I'd moved on myself. I didn't really think about what had happened to her. In addition to revealing a fairly awful childhood that led to alcoholism and painful sexual experiences, Knapp shows how quickly her life as a new convert to Christianity spun her into a national spotlight as a CCM artist meant to hold the standards of integrity of a clergyman. No wonder she needed to get away from all that!
The middle of the book chronicles her three years of traveling with her partner Karen across the eastern states, Europe, and the Australian Outback. Again I found myself wanting to produce some best-selling albums in order to have multiple years to travel! So, in a way, it's a travelogue of sorts.
Only in the final two chapters does she recount returning to the Nashville music industry and opening up about her sexual orientation, so I find myself wondering how she feels today about her position as a sort of spokesperson for the LGBT Christian community. I'm so glad she had the opportunity to write her story and put it out there, and I'm very happy that my library had a copy! Now, I'm off to relive the 90s.
Side note: Knapp's story also serves to emphasize the importance of keeping the creative arts in public schools and providing all children with access to instruments and music programs.
June 26, 2016
Back in the early 2000s, my parents bought a DVD of Contemporary Christian music (CCM) videos, and it's Jennifer Knapp I remember the best. It was just her and her guitar and the red box-like music video set. I just remember feeling a shudder up my spine at Undo Me's soul-baring lyrics, and the intensity of her gaze. I watched it over and over, and I felt like I was learning this woman's secrets.
Facing the Music reminded me a lot of that video--Jennifer Knapp is back to tell you about her personal experience, and it's resonant, and important. She uses her story to start a conversation about faith, identity, honesty, and purpose.
I expected (hoped) this to be one part coming out story, and one part shit-talking exposé on the CCM industry. I think the reason I approached the book this way was because this was my own journey (leaving Christianity and eventually coming out as transgender and pansexual.) However, like the classy person she is, Knapp understands that humans and faith are complex. She makes pains not to make judgments, even on those who judge her. However, she also makes pains to highlight the problematic and stifling aspects in evangelical Christian culture.
I reserve a full five stars because I feel Knapp wrote the book more because she had important things to say than an artful way to tell them. Not that her prose is bad, but this is her first book, and there are places where the words seem amateurish, or trying a bit too hard.
That said, her story is fascinating. I consumed the book in three days, and enjoyed it utterly. I wholeheartedly recommend it to anyone who has experience with evangelical Christian culture, is LGBT, or is interested in a more complicated and liberal faith.
Facing the Music reminded me a lot of that video--Jennifer Knapp is back to tell you about her personal experience, and it's resonant, and important. She uses her story to start a conversation about faith, identity, honesty, and purpose.
I expected (hoped) this to be one part coming out story, and one part shit-talking exposé on the CCM industry. I think the reason I approached the book this way was because this was my own journey (leaving Christianity and eventually coming out as transgender and pansexual.) However, like the classy person she is, Knapp understands that humans and faith are complex. She makes pains not to make judgments, even on those who judge her. However, she also makes pains to highlight the problematic and stifling aspects in evangelical Christian culture.
I reserve a full five stars because I feel Knapp wrote the book more because she had important things to say than an artful way to tell them. Not that her prose is bad, but this is her first book, and there are places where the words seem amateurish, or trying a bit too hard.
That said, her story is fascinating. I consumed the book in three days, and enjoyed it utterly. I wholeheartedly recommend it to anyone who has experience with evangelical Christian culture, is LGBT, or is interested in a more complicated and liberal faith.
July 16, 2015
I have been a longtime fan of Jennifer Knapp. It started when my mom brought me home a CD of hers when I was a young girl being brought up Christian. Jennifer quickly became my favorite artist and held that title for years. I bought every album and tried to share her music with everyone I knew.
Then she disappeared. No one knew if she would ever return to music, we all just knew she was gone and that was devastating. This book explains all of that in more detail than I could've ever hoped for.
When Jennifer came out, I was already questioning my faith and sexuality. It was amazing and wonderful to feel like I wasn't going through it alone. She knew how I felt. While she still remained a Christian, I watched her interviews, listened to her new music, and felt myself "Letting Go" of my faith and cares of what people thought of me (like her brand new album).
I will forever be grateful to Jennifer for helping pave the way for me in a time when I felt alone and confused. She helped me figure some important things out.
This book is extremely well-written, insightful, and an excellent depiction of what being part of a Christian community can (and often does) feel like. It explains why she left the music scene, how she coped with the loss of so many friends and family, what brought her back, and how she feels now.
Jennifer will always have a special place in my heart. She's an incredible artist. No wonder this book is so good.
Then she disappeared. No one knew if she would ever return to music, we all just knew she was gone and that was devastating. This book explains all of that in more detail than I could've ever hoped for.
When Jennifer came out, I was already questioning my faith and sexuality. It was amazing and wonderful to feel like I wasn't going through it alone. She knew how I felt. While she still remained a Christian, I watched her interviews, listened to her new music, and felt myself "Letting Go" of my faith and cares of what people thought of me (like her brand new album).
I will forever be grateful to Jennifer for helping pave the way for me in a time when I felt alone and confused. She helped me figure some important things out.
This book is extremely well-written, insightful, and an excellent depiction of what being part of a Christian community can (and often does) feel like. It explains why she left the music scene, how she coped with the loss of so many friends and family, what brought her back, and how she feels now.
Jennifer will always have a special place in my heart. She's an incredible artist. No wonder this book is so good.
December 15, 2015
Jennifer Knapp was always a good writer , me being a fan of her music, No complaints there!! The writing is truthful,raw and gritty! I was one of those fans that wondered what happened when she all of a sudden disappeared from the universe or so it seemed. I could identify as a christian the issue with the standards that are placed on not just christians who are famous for whatever reason but those that aren't once you name the name of Christ...the expectations comek, sometimes unfairly. All on board with that. The only problem I have with her truth is that as a christian, I dont exclude people that have issues that they are working on or shall I say works in progress, as we all are , the problem comes in when we begin to deny God's truth in order to live ours. As a Christian the truths should be one and the same, not contradictory, her truth clashes with what she says she believes. Will I bash her and call her all kinds of names etc. I will love her because that is what Christ has called us to do. This is a familiar story of a person of faith reonciling there life with Gods standards.
August 23, 2018
I LOVED reading Jennifer Knapp's story. I was obsessed with her music when I was in high school and college. I find myself revisiting it for the first time in years and I still love her voice and many of her songs. And now I want to listen to all of her newer stuff too! I wish I could talk to her to tell her how much her music and her book now have meant to me.
February 22, 2015
Wow. Jennifer Knapp has penned a book that reminds me to hope, love, and seek. She spends most of this book talking about being a square peg. The way she views Jesus and the love he espouses doesn't jive with the tunnel visioned version of Christianity she found in tjr music industry. I empathize. She burned out and dropped out in 2002. I found her in 2005. Her honest, intense, soul piercing lyrics were and are salve for my soul in hard times. Whether it's "You Remain", "Faithful to me", Hallowed, Martyrs and Thieves I am grateful. I wanted her to come back and write. I longed for her music. She did and she came out. I waited and wondered how this revelation would affect her writing and singing. 2 albums this side of coming back and the new music has planted deep roots. Same raw honesty and more, same beautiful poetry, a Jen changed and yet the same. The jist of the book: love each other. Do it over and over, leave room for and celebrate our differences in life and how we approach faith, and leave the judging to others. I can't recommend this book enough.
December 9, 2014
I've never read a book that is able to so perfectly describe the experience one has when you have the realization that you're gay and at the same time are in the midst of the fundamental evangelical church. I realized my sexuality while enrolled in a private christian college and went through the experience of being forced to lie about who I was to even be able to enroll in classes my senior year and finish my degree. The experience gave me the strength to come to the realization that I didn't want to be involved in a culture that judged me as being a sinner purely because of my sexuality even though we are supposedly made in god's image. In the end I ended up leaving the church and have never looked back and frankly have never missed the oppression. It's so important to share these experiences and I appreciate the author's standing up for her integrity against a well oiled machine of hate and judgement and engaging in a new community where we all are welcome.
July 31, 2015
Having grown up in an era in which there was no such thing as a Christian gay person, I am so encouraged to see that more and more of the younger generation are having the courage to be themselves AND live out their faith. This book is a very poignant portrayal of a historically unique time in the history of the church. It is also a very insightful commentary on church life from the perspective of a young woman who did not grow up in the Church, but found it later in life. It's a painfully and sadly accurate indictment of much of what passes for Christianity, even today. It's also a touching, introspective accounting of a painful experience, told without blame or bitterness. God bless Jennifer for having the courage to tell her story while still in the midst of finding out what it means to love and serve God as a member of the LGBT community.
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