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Sacred Lessons: Teaching My Father How to Love
In Sacred Teaching My Father How to Love, Mike de la Rocha explores how inherited definitions of manhood profoundly impacted his ability to connect with his father, his family, and ultimately himself, inviting readers on a transformative journey of self-discovery, forgiveness, and love.
Sacred Lessons is a deeply moving and inspiring memoir for those seeking self-love and healing. Intensely personal, this memoir delves into the struggle men face in connecting with themselves and others, offering tools for personal growth and ways to build meaningful and authentic relationships in their lives.
Through his story, Mike de la Rocha reflects on his father’s legacy as a beloved professor who impacted tens of thousands of students, yet struggled to teach his own son how to be emotionally vulnerable. Reflecting on the most important relationships in his life, Mike explores the difficulty in communicating with his father and loved ones—a byproduct of a toxic culture that prohibits men from truly expressing themselves, and purposely doesn’t teach men how to give and receive love. Through these stories, we see how trauma is passed on intergenerationally and how to find ways to stop the cycle of harm. In the end, both Mike and his father teach each other the greatest lesson of the sacredness of the love between a father and a son.
Told with raw emotion and vulnerability, Sacred Lessons is the human story of the impact that history and culture have upon us all. This is a book for those of us seeking community in a time when too many of us feel alone, as well as a testimony to the legacy of a brilliant father, a brutal indictment of patriarchy, and an affirmation of the transformative power of love.
Sacred Lessons is a deeply moving and inspiring memoir for those seeking self-love and healing. Intensely personal, this memoir delves into the struggle men face in connecting with themselves and others, offering tools for personal growth and ways to build meaningful and authentic relationships in their lives.
Through his story, Mike de la Rocha reflects on his father’s legacy as a beloved professor who impacted tens of thousands of students, yet struggled to teach his own son how to be emotionally vulnerable. Reflecting on the most important relationships in his life, Mike explores the difficulty in communicating with his father and loved ones—a byproduct of a toxic culture that prohibits men from truly expressing themselves, and purposely doesn’t teach men how to give and receive love. Through these stories, we see how trauma is passed on intergenerationally and how to find ways to stop the cycle of harm. In the end, both Mike and his father teach each other the greatest lesson of the sacredness of the love between a father and a son.
Told with raw emotion and vulnerability, Sacred Lessons is the human story of the impact that history and culture have upon us all. This is a book for those of us seeking community in a time when too many of us feel alone, as well as a testimony to the legacy of a brilliant father, a brutal indictment of patriarchy, and an affirmation of the transformative power of love.
320 pages, Hardcover
Published June 3, 2025
6 people are currently reading
32 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews
May 13, 2025
Book Review: Sacred Lessons: Teaching My Father How to Love by Mike de la Rocha
Rating: ★★★★½ (4.5/5)
Overview
Mike de la Rocha’s Sacred Lessons: Teaching My Father How to Love is a profound and deeply moving memoir that explores the complexities of fatherhood, forgiveness, and personal transformation. Blending personal narrative with broader social commentary, de la Rocha crafts a story that is both intimate and universally resonant. The book chronicles his journey to reconcile with his estranged father, a man shaped by trauma, addiction, and incarceration, while also examining how cycles of pain and love are inherited across generations.
Themes and Content
At its core, Sacred Lessons is a meditation on love as an active, learned practice rather than an innate trait. De la Rocha grapples with themes of:
Intergenerational Healing: Breaking free from inherited patterns of emotional distance and dysfunction.
Redefining Masculinity: Moving beyond rigid, toxic expectations of manhood toward vulnerability and connection.
Restorative Justice: Applying principles of accountability and compassion to personal relationships.
The narrative unfolds with raw honesty, detailing de la Rocha’s own struggles with anger and self-worth as he attempts to guide his father—and himself—toward emotional openness. The book’s power lies in its refusal to offer easy answers, instead presenting love as an ongoing, imperfect process.
Writing Style and Structure
De la Rocha’s prose is lyrical yet direct, balancing poetic reflection with unflinching self-examination. The structure alternates between memoir and quasi-didactic passages, where the author distills his hard-won insights into broader life lessons. This dual approach occasionally disrupts narrative flow, but it reinforces the book’s central thesis: that personal stories hold the seeds of collective wisdom.
Strengths and Weaknesses
Strengths:
Emotional Depth: Few memoirs tackle father-son dynamics with such vulnerability and nuance.
Social Relevance: Bridges personal pain with systemic issues (mass incarceration, mental health stigma).
Transformative Potential: Offers readers a blueprint for their own healing journeys.
Weaknesses:
Didactic Moments: Some passages lean heavily into self-help cadence, which may feel abrupt.
Pacing: The shifts between narrative and reflection can be jarring.
Section Scoring Breakdown (0–5)
Narrative Power: 5/5 – A masterclass in emotional storytelling.
Thematic Resonance: 4.5/5 – Timely and timeless in its exploration of love and trauma.
Structural Cohesion: 3.5/5 – Occasionally uneven but purposeful.
Originality: 4.5/5 – Stands out in the crowded field of memoirs.
Impact: 5/5 – Has the potential to change how readers view their own relationships.
Final Verdict
Sacred Lessons is more than a memoir—it’s a lifeline for anyone wrestling with fractured family ties or their own capacity for love. De la Rocha’s courage in confronting his past, paired with his gift for weaving personal pain into universal truth, makes this book exceptional. While its hybrid structure may not appeal to purists of either memoir or self-help, its message is undeniable: love is not something we’re born knowing, but something we must learn, practice, and fight for.
★★★★½ (4.5/5) – A luminous, necessary work on love’s hardest lessons.
Thank you to NetGalley and the author, Mike de la Rocha, for providing a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
Rating: ★★★★½ (4.5/5)
Overview
Mike de la Rocha’s Sacred Lessons: Teaching My Father How to Love is a profound and deeply moving memoir that explores the complexities of fatherhood, forgiveness, and personal transformation. Blending personal narrative with broader social commentary, de la Rocha crafts a story that is both intimate and universally resonant. The book chronicles his journey to reconcile with his estranged father, a man shaped by trauma, addiction, and incarceration, while also examining how cycles of pain and love are inherited across generations.
Themes and Content
At its core, Sacred Lessons is a meditation on love as an active, learned practice rather than an innate trait. De la Rocha grapples with themes of:
Intergenerational Healing: Breaking free from inherited patterns of emotional distance and dysfunction.
Redefining Masculinity: Moving beyond rigid, toxic expectations of manhood toward vulnerability and connection.
Restorative Justice: Applying principles of accountability and compassion to personal relationships.
The narrative unfolds with raw honesty, detailing de la Rocha’s own struggles with anger and self-worth as he attempts to guide his father—and himself—toward emotional openness. The book’s power lies in its refusal to offer easy answers, instead presenting love as an ongoing, imperfect process.
Writing Style and Structure
De la Rocha’s prose is lyrical yet direct, balancing poetic reflection with unflinching self-examination. The structure alternates between memoir and quasi-didactic passages, where the author distills his hard-won insights into broader life lessons. This dual approach occasionally disrupts narrative flow, but it reinforces the book’s central thesis: that personal stories hold the seeds of collective wisdom.
Strengths and Weaknesses
Strengths:
Emotional Depth: Few memoirs tackle father-son dynamics with such vulnerability and nuance.
Social Relevance: Bridges personal pain with systemic issues (mass incarceration, mental health stigma).
Transformative Potential: Offers readers a blueprint for their own healing journeys.
Weaknesses:
Didactic Moments: Some passages lean heavily into self-help cadence, which may feel abrupt.
Pacing: The shifts between narrative and reflection can be jarring.
Section Scoring Breakdown (0–5)
Narrative Power: 5/5 – A masterclass in emotional storytelling.
Thematic Resonance: 4.5/5 – Timely and timeless in its exploration of love and trauma.
Structural Cohesion: 3.5/5 – Occasionally uneven but purposeful.
Originality: 4.5/5 – Stands out in the crowded field of memoirs.
Impact: 5/5 – Has the potential to change how readers view their own relationships.
Final Verdict
Sacred Lessons is more than a memoir—it’s a lifeline for anyone wrestling with fractured family ties or their own capacity for love. De la Rocha’s courage in confronting his past, paired with his gift for weaving personal pain into universal truth, makes this book exceptional. While its hybrid structure may not appeal to purists of either memoir or self-help, its message is undeniable: love is not something we’re born knowing, but something we must learn, practice, and fight for.
★★★★½ (4.5/5) – A luminous, necessary work on love’s hardest lessons.
Thank you to NetGalley and the author, Mike de la Rocha, for providing a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
September 28, 2025
This is an important book, specifically for men, to have access to. Few men of color are sharing about their journeys to carry grief, reconnect to cultural practices, share vulnerability, and overcome machismo worldviews.
De La Rocha’s writing style is more conversational and a bit less refined. But this could also be considered a strength, as reading the book feels like a long conversation over coffee as he shares his life story.
I listened to the audiobook version and the chapter where De La Rocha talks about his father passing was really emotional and powerful. You could hear the grief in his voice, even on the audio narration.
As it so happens, my own dad has experienced a lot of similar life events. (In a almost creepy way 🤣) I definitely recommended this book to him.
I don’t think that this book is good for *only* men; I definitely enjoyed reading it as a woman. But so many men could benefit from hearing this story.
De La Rocha’s writing style is more conversational and a bit less refined. But this could also be considered a strength, as reading the book feels like a long conversation over coffee as he shares his life story.
I listened to the audiobook version and the chapter where De La Rocha talks about his father passing was really emotional and powerful. You could hear the grief in his voice, even on the audio narration.
As it so happens, my own dad has experienced a lot of similar life events. (In a almost creepy way 🤣) I definitely recommended this book to him.
I don’t think that this book is good for *only* men; I definitely enjoyed reading it as a woman. But so many men could benefit from hearing this story.
September 17, 2025
Reading this book felt like someone finally putting into words the tension I’ve carried my whole life, just wanting to be close to my dad, but not knowing how. My father worked hard and taught me respect but never really talked about feelings. Showing emotion felt like weakness. This book opened my eyes to how much men hold back. Reading another man say it's okay to just feel, cry, and share feelings without shame felt like words I have been needing to hear for a long time. I think every man should read this. I will be sharing my copy with my dad.
June 15, 2025
I would give it 3.5 stars if I could. It’s not exactly about what the title suggests. Yes, there is a fair amount of material about his relationship with his Dad, but it is much more about himself and other people. This is mainly a memoir written as a journey to personal learning and healing for the author himself. Which is perfectly fine, if that is what you are looking for.
Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews