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370 pages, Paperback
Published June 1, 2024
⤷ ゛I could imagine nothing more pathetic than dying with the Spotify Premium ad playing on full blast in my comm speaker, and yet tonight, I almost had. ˎˊ˗
⤷ ゛"So which are you?" she eventually said. Faced with my puzzled air, she clarified. "Are you a therapist? Or an imam?"
She said it as a joke, and I relished the look of shock on her face as I replied.
"Neuropsychiatrist at Royal Free Hospital, actually. Junior Dr Riyadh Badri. At your service, Ilyanna." ˎˊ˗
⤷ ゛I rolled my eyes. "I just had time on my hands." I hadn't been this busy in months. "Don't read too much into it." I have been obsessively thinking about you. "We're even now." Not even close. "Why are you smiling like you've just won the lottery?" I want my kids to have that exact same smile. "Are all doctors this disarticulated?" Please say something, before I further embarass myself. ˎˊ˗
⤷ ゛Ali concurred. "Mama always says there are only two men in that house, and she doesn't include any of her sons in that definition." ˎˊ˗
⤷ ゛"Of course, I care, Riyadh. I am Arab. I am, 24/7, riddled with the crippling fear that someone may go hungry in my presence. The pressure of three generations of women weighs down on me constantly. I cannot fight the culture." ˎˊ˗
⤷ ゛Ya Allah, if I do not marry this girl, then may You rob me of my sight and bereave me of my soul, for she might be the only comfort for my eyes and ease for my spirit, that I will ever find in this dunya. ˎˊ˗
⤷ ゛"This is for you." I opened my riding vest and retrieved the single red rose I'd kept there. It was a little shrivilled up at the edges, but otherwise intact. I stretched dangerously, balancing the weight of the bike between my legs, and gave her the rose through her window. She blinked and blushed in surprise. ˎˊ˗
⤷ ゛"You've started seeing someone? As in, a therapist? Or a suitor?"
I resist the childish urge to reply, "Both." ˎˊ˗
⤷ ゛"My sons are good for nothing," Baba grumbled, going into the house. "They'll never amount to anything. They'll be lucky if a girl ever wants to marry them. She'd have to come herself and ask for their hand." ˎˊ˗
⤷ ゛He was the man I'd always forbidden myself to dream about too hard, lest reality break my heart. ˎˊ˗
⤷ ゛I was a textbook case study, but at least I was aware, right? ˎˊ˗
⤷ ゛"I don't trust myself to be alone with you right now, Ilyanna." ˎˊ˗
⤷ ゛Seven letters, twenty-two phone calls, three more encounters with her father and as many Friday prayers alongside her brothers later, I'd finally reached the night befoore Ilyanna became my fiancée. ˎˊ˗
⤷ ゛"I'm not stressed, Mama." Even Iblis probably cringed at the lameness of my lie. ˎˊ˗
⤷ ゛"Time turns memories into fonder reconstructions far removed from what the actual experience was like." ˎˊ˗
⤷ ゛And those arms. God forgive me. ˎˊ˗
⤷ ゛We all were tired from our days. We all were fastning the same number of hours, male and femala alike. I didn't see how that was any justification for that unsubstantiated division of domestic labour along gender lines. ˎˊ˗
⤷ ゛If Mama was in a good mood, the whole house was in a good mood. ˎˊ˗
⤷ ゛When it was time to settle the bill, the party turned into a bloodbath. Naturally. One did not simply gather thirty Arabs for food and expect a peaceful payment, to each his share. The culture ran deep. ˎˊ˗
⤷ ゛Nour Einy. ˎˊ˗
⤷ ゛Ilyanna wasn't letting go. She clutched my neck like she never intended to let go. Her family started to laugh.
"What happened to your reputation?" I whispered to her.
She sniffed. "Shut up. You have no idea how much I've been looking forward to this hug."
I tightened my hold on her and burrowed my face in her shoulder. I did have an idea. ˎˊ˗
⤷ ゛"How is it?" Ilyanna asked, watching me chew carefully.
It was divine. Of course, it was. Ilyanna had poured her enitre heart into this cake, and it not only showed, but tasted like it, too.
I swallowed. "Could be better. Bit dry. Odd flavour combinations."
Her reaction was delightful: she put her plate down and threw her fork over it loudly, refusing to taste her work.
"I want a divorce," she snapped. "Right now. Bring me that contract we just signed. So I can rip it to shreds." ˎˊ˗
⤷ ゛"Ala fikra, roohi, ana bhabek bijounoun."ˎˊ˗