Cathartic. Vindicating. I was raised Mormon. My near-Sisyphean exit from the church began at age 13 until I left for college. After reading this book, I gained a deeper appreciation for those words, and those emotions. Catharsis. Vindication.
I also gained an appreciation for the term 'gaslighting.' Countless young LDS members bring forth concerns that the church's teachings are inconsistent, intentionally omitted, and misleading, its foundation is unethical, its history is revisionist, its apologists are dishonest. Not to even mention, the true teachings of the Latter-Day-Saint Church (listed on LDS.org see: Gospel Topics) would shock the majority of Mormons.
Church leaders address these 'challenges to the faith' by first, telling their members not to go looking in the first place because these claims are from disingenuous people trying to tear down your faith with misleading information. Second, they will tell you that 'you don't understand because you're not righteous enough, or you haven't prayed enough, or you haven't borne your testimony enough,' or 'you aren't supposed to understand all the mysterious works of God.' Logical acrobatics allow smart people to ostensibly justify any statement that is objectively false-- if you believe all things are possible through God, rationalization is irrelevant. The third and final strategy is to discredit and shame you from asking more questions-- and thus the cycle continues.
Imagine you're a 13-year-old, your Mormon parents are successful lawyers, your Mormon Grandparents are successful professors, your Mormon Bishop and his Counselors are successful doctors. All of them tell you "2+2 = 5." Why would they lie to you? As a 13-year-old, your concerns are belittled and dismissed by those with more intellectual firepower than you. Those who you trust and revere. Why don't you believe them; don't you love them?
○ "2+2 = 5 because the Prophet speaks directly with God and he says so, even though our official Church records and the men who claimed the same before stated 2+2 = 6, 2+2 = 7, and other things we no longer believe."
○ "2+2 = 5 because we don't literally believe so, just metaphorically, even though the our sources of 2+2 = 5 say it's meant for literal interpretation."
○ "2+2 = 5 and you just haven't prayed enough or testified of its truth enough."
○ "2+2 = 5 and you're not wise enough to understand.”
○ "2+2 = 5 and sometimes we, imperfect beings, are not supposed to understand the mystic nature of God's truth that 2+2 = 5."
After years of this gaslighting, years of being the family black sheep, years of crying myself to sleep because I would burn in the Telestial Kingdom (Hell) if I'd didn't accept 2+2 = 5, I stumbled away emotionally bruised and psychologically traumatized.
I wish I could equip that 13-year-old with this logical-cleaver, this factual-arsenal, this hypocrisy-seeking-nuke. I wish I could tell that kid "No, you're not crazy. 2+2 does not equal 5, and everything is going to be ok. "
Catharsis. Vindication. Jeremy Runnells-- Thank You.