How Can I Help?: What You Can (and Can't) Do to Counsel a Friend, Colleague or Family Member With a Problem

by Anna Ranieri, Joe Gurkoff

How Can I Help? is a valuable resource for parents, teachers, nurses, managers, friends and relatives – anyone who wishes to help another person facing a problem, from relationship issues or work challenges to reaching a personal goal or responding to a health concern.

In this easy-to-use primer, authors and therapists Anna Ranieri and Joe Gurkoff offer a straightforward guide to give you the knowledge, skills and confidence to be truly effective when you decide to counsel someone who is facing one of life’s inevitable challenges.

Each chapter provides an overview of a specific step in the helping process, insight into why that step works, a description of how to accomplish it, and a way to evaluate what to do next.

The authors use typical problems to illustrate why giving advice rarely works, how to encourage progress, when confrontation is appropriate and how to transition away from the helping role once the problem is resolved. You’ll also learn how to recognize when professional help may be needed, and what to do if you decide you’ve accomplished all you can or want to do.

If you’re looking for a roadmap to providing counsel that is supportive, realistic and doable, How Can I Help? is your indispensable, go-to guide.

Genres: Psychology

179 pages, Kindle Edition

First published December 20, 2012

Reviews

[Jason Comely · Rating 5 out of 5]

Counselling skills for the layperson. Everyone should read this.

[Mohammad alshawan · Rating 4 out of 5]

GOOD BOOK WITH GREAT IDEAS TO CHANGE AND TO HELP PEOPLE .

[Julie Griffin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Have you ever reached out to anyone when you are going through a crisis, only to find their help frustrating and, worse, sometimes contributing to the problem? Have you tried to discuss feelings of hopelessness or depression with someone, only to have them counter with how their own problems are just as bad, or you must have faith, or you aren't being optimistic enough? The implication is that your problems are not that big a deal. If we could all get a copy of this book and give to our, sometimes ineffectual, friends and family, we might find better solace next time around. "How Can I Help? What you Can (And Can't) Do To Counsel a Friend, Colleague, or Family Member with a Problem" was written for "helpers" to learn more about how to counsel those around us when they are facing difficult issues. Those who would buy such a book may already know a lot of what is advised by Ranieri and Gurkoff, both counselors, who offered this book "as a way to share what we've learned about helping people in our combined 50 years as psychotherapists, career counselors, and business consultants. Our goal was and is to make it possible for thousands of people we'll never meet... to make a difference in the lives of those they care about." Thus, they raise the curtain on basics of counseling and allow anyone with an interest to increase his or her skills and abilities to help others. Many of the ideas in this book may be second nature to some. The authors break down the process of helping into steps: listening, clarifying the issues and defining the problem, setting the goal, making a plan, keeping on track, and finally, leaving the helping role. Listening is redefined as helpful listening, a way to take in what the person is saying without judgment or jumping in to offer solutions prematurely. The authors offer several real-life examples of ways to phrase what they are defining, and the book is easy to read by the layperson. It is commonsense but worth reading over as a way to organize and reiterate what to do when reaching out to someone. The steps are easily defined, the material is well-organized, and it is a quick read for someone who is turning to this book for help in the spur of the moment. Perhaps most helpfully it will underscore that you are doing the right things at the right times. Now if we could only figure out how to get it in the hands of those who could really use it, next time we reach out to others.....

[Stephanie Schmidt · Rating 4 out of 5]

Before I begin my review, I must disclose that I was a recipient of this book via Giveaways.

How Can I Help? interested me a great deal. I am a teacher and the Union Representative for our school. As such, I have a revolving door of problems that need to be heard and resolved. This being said, I was hopeful that this book would be able to give me sound advice on assisting co-workers.
The book is short and very readable. It is written in layman's terms, which is much appreciated, and this helps to make the points and examples extremely clear.
As I mentioned before, it is not a long book, but it is a hefty one; meaning full of solid and practical advice, examples, what to do if's, and reminders that we are not professionals and to seek help when needed. The authors begin the book by describing the nature of helping and what it is and what it isn't (lending money, giving advice-guilty!). The authors then talk about how to help someone and each chapter is dedicated to one of the six steps they have outlined. In each chapter, examples are given illustrating the step, which allows the reader to visualize the strategy. They also offer specific probing questions that one may want to ask when in the helping role to facilitate the step. They devote a chapter to seeking professional support, and they do stress that this may be needed at any time. There is also a chapter on how to withdraw from the helping role and how it can be complicated and somewhat awkward.
This is a book that I will have to re-read and work on changing my tactics. After reading Chapter 2 on Listening, I realized that I am not doing as well as I thought I was! It was quite a revelation, really.
I would definitely recommend this book to anyone who finds themselves in a role of helping others. Quite a strong read.

[Edwina Book Anaconda · Rating 2 out of 5]

I received this book through the Goodreads First Reads giveaway site.

This is a book of advice about what to do and what not to do, to be a good "helper".
The most important thing to do, of course, is to really listen when someone needs you to.
To ask questions, to help the person figure out what to do, is also important, as most people just rush in with advice instead of helping the person work it out in their own head.
Also you must ask yourself if this person has come to you for help or do they just need to rant or a shoulder to cry on.
Most of this book I found to be plain old common sense, which, sad to say, seems to be lacking in our world today.

[Shauna · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very good primer for people who want to be supportive and helpful to those they know. The steps are easy to follow and remember. The chapters go into enough depth without becoming repetitive and the strategies for more than just conversational support are realistic and obtainable. If you've ever had training for supportive roles within hotlines, support groups, advisory positions, or nonviolent communication then the steps in this book will probably be familiar to you to some degree. It's well worth the read for anyone who gets asked for advice or counsel often.

[Tebmeb · Rating 5 out of 5]

At first I didn't think I needed to
read this because I like to think
of myself as a good helper, but
it made me realize there were some
areas of information that I had not
thought about. I thought it was
easy to read through and learn.
Thank you.