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The Children's Horror: Cursed Episodes for Doomed Adults
Keep watching. No matter how weird it gets, DON’T change the channel.
Imagination is a wonderful thing, opening doorways of creativity and possibility. But what about the other doors it can open? The ones revealing twisted passageways of corrupted innocence and unfathomable cosmic nothingness?
In an elementary school auditorium, on a TV set playing weird and sinister versions of today’s popular kids’ TV programs, YOU will experience the dark side of imagination firsthand. The Children's Horror is a themed short-story collection from horror author Patrick Barb that presents today's most-popular kids TV franchises through a darker lens. From cities controlled by dogs to possibly dead children acting as would-be heroes and from infant sharks to the strange fates of written-off sitcom characters, this collection offers must-read thrills perfect for a perfectly unsettling Saturday morning.
Whether you’re a parent, caregiver, teacher, or a kid at heart, you’ve probably watched some children’s shows wondering what it would be like if things were a little different and a little darker. The time for wondering is over. Come, take a seat, the TV is on and the children have something they want you to see.
Praise for The Children's Horror
"What Robert Coover does for (and to) classic film in A Night at the Movies, Barb does for children's TV here. This is childhood programming warped and deformed to reveal its true dark core, but also cross-pollinated with other genres in ways that make it startling, unsettling and revelatory." —Brian Evenson, author of Good Night, Sleep Tight
"The Children's Horror is at turns gruesome and horrifying, wacky and weird; but always wholly original and boundlessly creative." —Emma Berquist, author of Devils Unto Dust and Missing, Presumed Dead
"Patrick Barb is a deranged Mr. Rogers, dragging you into an uncanny valley where childhood whimsy meets unsettling horror. This collection is a treasure chest teeming with terrifying retellings that will leave you begging for your night light."
-Brian McAuley, author of Candy Cain Kills and Curse of the Reaper
Imagination is a wonderful thing, opening doorways of creativity and possibility. But what about the other doors it can open? The ones revealing twisted passageways of corrupted innocence and unfathomable cosmic nothingness?
In an elementary school auditorium, on a TV set playing weird and sinister versions of today’s popular kids’ TV programs, YOU will experience the dark side of imagination firsthand. The Children's Horror is a themed short-story collection from horror author Patrick Barb that presents today's most-popular kids TV franchises through a darker lens. From cities controlled by dogs to possibly dead children acting as would-be heroes and from infant sharks to the strange fates of written-off sitcom characters, this collection offers must-read thrills perfect for a perfectly unsettling Saturday morning.
Whether you’re a parent, caregiver, teacher, or a kid at heart, you’ve probably watched some children’s shows wondering what it would be like if things were a little different and a little darker. The time for wondering is over. Come, take a seat, the TV is on and the children have something they want you to see.
Praise for The Children's Horror
"What Robert Coover does for (and to) classic film in A Night at the Movies, Barb does for children's TV here. This is childhood programming warped and deformed to reveal its true dark core, but also cross-pollinated with other genres in ways that make it startling, unsettling and revelatory." —Brian Evenson, author of Good Night, Sleep Tight
"The Children's Horror is at turns gruesome and horrifying, wacky and weird; but always wholly original and boundlessly creative." —Emma Berquist, author of Devils Unto Dust and Missing, Presumed Dead
"Patrick Barb is a deranged Mr. Rogers, dragging you into an uncanny valley where childhood whimsy meets unsettling horror. This collection is a treasure chest teeming with terrifying retellings that will leave you begging for your night light."
-Brian McAuley, author of Candy Cain Kills and Curse of the Reaper
218 pages, Kindle Edition
Published July 16, 2024
7 people are currently reading
56 people want to read
About the author
Patrick Barb
70 books93 followersPatrick Barb is an author of weird, dark, and spooky tales, currently living (and trying not to freeze to death) in Saint Paul, Minnesota. His published works include the dark fiction collections The Children’s Horror and Pre-Approved for Haunting, the novellas Gargantuana's Ghost, Turn, and JK-LOL, as well as the novelette Helicopter Parenting in the Age of Drone Warfare. He is the editor and publisher of the anthology And One Day We Will Die: Strange Stories Inspired by the Music of Neutral Milk Hotel. His forthcoming works include the Killer VHS novella Night of the Witch-Hunter from Shortwave Publishing and his debut sci-fi/horror novel Abducted from Dark Matter Ink. His 2023 short story "The Scare Groom" was selected for Best Horror of the Year Volume 16. Visit him at patrickbarb.com.
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Displaying 1 - 24 of 24 reviews
July 16, 2024
I really enjoyed the idea of this short-story collection, I liked the idea of the TV program with a horror twist. The stories were everything that I wanted and enjoyed about the genre. Patrick Barb has a strong idea in this genre and enjoyed getting through each story. I hope to read more from the author as I really enjoyed this.
I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
July 16, 2024
Out today!
Patrick has assembled a collection of spooky, unsettling stories which leave the reader feeling wrong footed and off-kilter. Some subtle, intriguing work for the weird horror connoisseur.
Patrick has assembled a collection of spooky, unsettling stories which leave the reader feeling wrong footed and off-kilter. Some subtle, intriguing work for the weird horror connoisseur.
February 2, 2025
Not much to say here. A book of short stories. Very mild on the scary-scale. Cannot recommend.
August 24, 2024
This was such a treat! At first, I was kind of confused how the stories all tied together in the collection, but it’s all brought together in the end. And I love the idea of watching children’s shows turned horror! Very fun read.
June 22, 2024
Barb’s latest collection is inventive and offers Dark Mirror-esque takes on the familiar; the well loved as well as the feared. You’ll be forgiven if you are new to Barb’s writing and went in expecting a bit of a throwback to the horror stories many of us grew up reading in the 80s and 90s. What you’ll find instead is what I’m coming to think of as this particular author’s telltale multilayered- and faceted, ambiguous and thought provoking tales. You’ll probably find that these stories are more like those of Julia Armfield than *insert any of the big 80s/90s writers*.
Enter at your own risk for tales of the uncanny featuring stuff dogs in man-suits, children’s TV with a dark and sad twist, kid heroes who might (or might not) be dead, the monster in your closet, selkies, brother-shark, alternate existences and a reappearance of the parental drone!
Notes on the stories below, NB: spoilers. (favorites have been marked with an “*•)
-The Final Choice of Peter Chu:
A dark and futuristic take on Pokémon told from a certain electric & yellow creature’s POV; a story where the involuntariness of this kind of competition has been dialed up tenfold and reads more like black mirror than the original show.
-The Dogcatcher:
A naked man wakes up on a beach without any memory of how he got there or who he even is. All he has is a feeling of unease about the nearby cavern. What follows is a city run by dogs, an agreement he doesn’t remember breaking, and the run for his life. Planet of the apeish meets Paw Patrol.
-The Secret Society if Schrödinger’s Children:*
Secret society meets Schrödinger’s Cat in this multilayered, ambiguous and odd tale where the boxed cat has been switched out with masks and superheroes. The children wearing the masks are possibly neither living nor dead, and they are trying to save a baby. One of the heroes also share a special bond with the baby, as they’ll soon learn.
-Two Rare Specimens:*
The monster in the closet gets a nasty surprise when it returns to terrorize a set of twin brothers who’ve prepared for this and have an agenda of their own: getting the monster under the bed. The question you’re left with at the end of this is who’s really the monster after all. Felt like a superior take on Home Alone.
-The Shark in Her Belly:*
A mom returning from a beach weekend finds herself pregnant.. with a shark. An odd and disturbing tale that does not shy away from a solid dose of gory body horror either.
There’s layers to this story; things hidden and not so hidden just under the surface; “a cousin Gary”, a husband who keeps saying he forgives her, a mother increasingly separating herself from the family to stay in the tub.. and (I like to hope) a dose of sibling loyalty.
-Your Selkie Lover:
A woman in a struggling relationship finds herself at a seaside hotel. A particularly bad episode sees her in the water and saved by a selkie she soon falls in love with. They’ll have to find a way to make this work as the selkie isn’t able to leave this place, and the woman has her husband to deal with.
-The Middle Sister’s New Situation:*
A girl seeking comfort from her sister at night & a woman/actress/tv character suffering from a dissociative state. A very different handle on child stars and their descent from fame and fortune.
-Rat Suit King:
A man in a rat costume learns that there’s worse things than soiling your costume and owing your employer when he learns there are many more in possession of the costume and that they’re all quite keen to meet.
Sidenote: I now have ‘costume crotch’ rattling around in my head as well as the image of a Rat king burnt into my retina. Somehow manages to seemlessly merge Barker’s body horror with Poe’s more dreamlike angst
-The Big Good Boy:*
Employed by ‘The Norbrid Disaster Preparedness Team’ and taking part in a simulated Apocalyptic disaster, Faiz begins to notice oddities with what should be fairly standard VR rescue missions: a gigantic destructive (but good natured?) dog & a mysterious girl keep showing up in the sims + the leader starts acting strangely.
A post-apocalyptic short story that will pull one’s heart strings and where the parental drones make a short reappearance. Asks the big questions: Where do we end and the tech begin? is a life beyond the confines of the one we know just as good, or even better?
*reappearance of the parental drone!!!
Enter at your own risk for tales of the uncanny featuring stuff dogs in man-suits, children’s TV with a dark and sad twist, kid heroes who might (or might not) be dead, the monster in your closet, selkies, brother-shark, alternate existences and a reappearance of the parental drone!
Notes on the stories below, NB: spoilers. (favorites have been marked with an “*•)
-The Final Choice of Peter Chu:
A dark and futuristic take on Pokémon told from a certain electric & yellow creature’s POV; a story where the involuntariness of this kind of competition has been dialed up tenfold and reads more like black mirror than the original show.
-The Dogcatcher:
A naked man wakes up on a beach without any memory of how he got there or who he even is. All he has is a feeling of unease about the nearby cavern. What follows is a city run by dogs, an agreement he doesn’t remember breaking, and the run for his life. Planet of the apeish meets Paw Patrol.
-The Secret Society if Schrödinger’s Children:*
Secret society meets Schrödinger’s Cat in this multilayered, ambiguous and odd tale where the boxed cat has been switched out with masks and superheroes. The children wearing the masks are possibly neither living nor dead, and they are trying to save a baby. One of the heroes also share a special bond with the baby, as they’ll soon learn.
-Two Rare Specimens:*
The monster in the closet gets a nasty surprise when it returns to terrorize a set of twin brothers who’ve prepared for this and have an agenda of their own: getting the monster under the bed. The question you’re left with at the end of this is who’s really the monster after all. Felt like a superior take on Home Alone.
-The Shark in Her Belly:*
A mom returning from a beach weekend finds herself pregnant.. with a shark. An odd and disturbing tale that does not shy away from a solid dose of gory body horror either.
There’s layers to this story; things hidden and not so hidden just under the surface; “a cousin Gary”, a husband who keeps saying he forgives her, a mother increasingly separating herself from the family to stay in the tub.. and (I like to hope) a dose of sibling loyalty.
-Your Selkie Lover:
A woman in a struggling relationship finds herself at a seaside hotel. A particularly bad episode sees her in the water and saved by a selkie she soon falls in love with. They’ll have to find a way to make this work as the selkie isn’t able to leave this place, and the woman has her husband to deal with.
-The Middle Sister’s New Situation:*
A girl seeking comfort from her sister at night & a woman/actress/tv character suffering from a dissociative state. A very different handle on child stars and their descent from fame and fortune.
-Rat Suit King:
A man in a rat costume learns that there’s worse things than soiling your costume and owing your employer when he learns there are many more in possession of the costume and that they’re all quite keen to meet.
Sidenote: I now have ‘costume crotch’ rattling around in my head as well as the image of a Rat king burnt into my retina. Somehow manages to seemlessly merge Barker’s body horror with Poe’s more dreamlike angst
-The Big Good Boy:*
Employed by ‘The Norbrid Disaster Preparedness Team’ and taking part in a simulated Apocalyptic disaster, Faiz begins to notice oddities with what should be fairly standard VR rescue missions: a gigantic destructive (but good natured?) dog & a mysterious girl keep showing up in the sims + the leader starts acting strangely.
A post-apocalyptic short story that will pull one’s heart strings and where the parental drones make a short reappearance. Asks the big questions: Where do we end and the tech begin? is a life beyond the confines of the one we know just as good, or even better?
*reappearance of the parental drone!!!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
August 16, 2024
“Horror is NOT for children!” I have heard this said so many times. And while in some cases, this is true, in the case of reality, horror may not be for children, but many children definitely know horror. After all, they have to contend the monster under the bed (check!), school testing (check!) and trying to change themselves so they can fit in and be accepted by others (check!).
In The Children’s Horror: Cursed Episodes for Doomed Adults, author Patrick Barb covers these areas well, along with a scattered other few. The thing about the stories in this book, though, is that the children appear to be, well, so CALM while the horror is taking place.
Maybe it’s just the children have been so desensitized to real horror after being exposed to so much other horror going on in their lives. I mean, there’s abuse at home, homophobia in the schools, books that help them feel seen and included being banned from their libraries, peer pressure, bullying, and, oh yeah, puberty. (EEK!)
Seriously, though. All that is not to say that this is a book that would be okay for children to read. I mean, they can, but some of these stories are just so frightening, that maybe they’d rather not? This is definitely a book of stories for older readers, not children, and I really enjoyed reading them. My favorite stories were the title story, “The Children’s Horror” (of course), “The Dogcatcher,” “Two Rare Specimens” (a nice twist on the Boogeyman story!), “The Shark in Her Belly” and “The Big Good Boy.”
If you enjoy reading stories of horror and suspense, check out Patrick Barb’s new collection, The Children’s Horror. You won’t be disappointed.
In The Children’s Horror: Cursed Episodes for Doomed Adults, author Patrick Barb covers these areas well, along with a scattered other few. The thing about the stories in this book, though, is that the children appear to be, well, so CALM while the horror is taking place.
Maybe it’s just the children have been so desensitized to real horror after being exposed to so much other horror going on in their lives. I mean, there’s abuse at home, homophobia in the schools, books that help them feel seen and included being banned from their libraries, peer pressure, bullying, and, oh yeah, puberty. (EEK!)
Seriously, though. All that is not to say that this is a book that would be okay for children to read. I mean, they can, but some of these stories are just so frightening, that maybe they’d rather not? This is definitely a book of stories for older readers, not children, and I really enjoyed reading them. My favorite stories were the title story, “The Children’s Horror” (of course), “The Dogcatcher,” “Two Rare Specimens” (a nice twist on the Boogeyman story!), “The Shark in Her Belly” and “The Big Good Boy.”
If you enjoy reading stories of horror and suspense, check out Patrick Barb’s new collection, The Children’s Horror. You won’t be disappointed.
August 12, 2024
"But what can the twins do? Their daddy won’t let anyone buy them nice things anymore. He says he needs the money for his medicine.
His medicine comes in twelve-packs and glass bottles most days."
I would like to thank Book Sirens for sharing an e-ARC and giving me an opportunity to share my thoughts on this collection of the horror stories based on a few creative ideas from the television shows for the kids.
Powerful ideas and super execution: I have loved the way Mr. Patrick Barb had taken out ideas from the kids TV shows (which I could not guess and I will come to that issue later) and executed them with the sheer power of the horror. Interesting thing is that he just leaned on strong story telling and the relatability of the characters to bring the creepiness within the stories. Even with limited words, he is able to write fantastic characters with a lot of depth.
Favorites and the Big Good Boy: The stories which I liked a lot are The Dogcatcher, The Final Choice of Peter Chu, The Middle Sister's New Situation and The Children's Horror. However, the best of the lot for me was -
The setting. The scenarios. The characters. Everything was astonishingly perfect for me. And yes, without the spoilers, I believe this is the best story of the collection.
Overall, a decent cluster of short stories which will creep the bogeyman out of you!
His medicine comes in twelve-packs and glass bottles most days."
I would like to thank Book Sirens for sharing an e-ARC and giving me an opportunity to share my thoughts on this collection of the horror stories based on a few creative ideas from the television shows for the kids.
Powerful ideas and super execution: I have loved the way Mr. Patrick Barb had taken out ideas from the kids TV shows (which I could not guess and I will come to that issue later) and executed them with the sheer power of the horror. Interesting thing is that he just leaned on strong story telling and the relatability of the characters to bring the creepiness within the stories. Even with limited words, he is able to write fantastic characters with a lot of depth.
Favorites and the Big Good Boy: The stories which I liked a lot are The Dogcatcher, The Final Choice of Peter Chu, The Middle Sister's New Situation and The Children's Horror. However, the best of the lot for me was -
The setting. The scenarios. The characters. Everything was astonishingly perfect for me. And yes, without the spoilers, I believe this is the best story of the collection.
Overall, a decent cluster of short stories which will creep the bogeyman out of you!
July 14, 2024
This is a great collection of uncanny horror stories that are inspired by children's TV and the things that dominated our childhoods.
These tales aren't overly scary or gory but focus more on making you feel unsettled and unsure of what's coming next.
I enjoyed the twists that some tales took, and I appreciated that the monsters aren't always the evil element in a story. Things that go 'bump' in the night aren't necessarily bad. They're just misunderstood.
My favourite stories from the collection were 'The Big Good Boy' and 'The Dogcatcher'.
This was my first time reading anything by Patrick Barb, but it won't be the last!
*I received a free copy of this book from BookSirens, and I'm voluntarily leaving a review.*
These tales aren't overly scary or gory but focus more on making you feel unsettled and unsure of what's coming next.
I enjoyed the twists that some tales took, and I appreciated that the monsters aren't always the evil element in a story. Things that go 'bump' in the night aren't necessarily bad. They're just misunderstood.
My favourite stories from the collection were 'The Big Good Boy' and 'The Dogcatcher'.
This was my first time reading anything by Patrick Barb, but it won't be the last!
*I received a free copy of this book from BookSirens, and I'm voluntarily leaving a review.*
August 3, 2024
Patrick Barb's twisted view of children's shows us exactly everything I wanted it to be, and so much more. The shows are twisted into scary, disturbing, haunted things you might not recognize but sorta do at the same time. It's basically all the things you might have thought about after watching something over and over again. You know these shows, you might have seen them, or at least had a nightmare about them.
Definitely making my list of favorite books this year.
Definitely making my list of favorite books this year.
August 10, 2024
I love the entire concept of this Weird collection from Barb. As a parent, I have been subjected to the surreal horror of children's programming. I often felt like I was going mad during episodes of Strawberry Shortcake where the girls are all petty bitches or the inexplicable baby Universal Horror monsters at a daycare.
Barb has taken the children's show concept and twisted it for our jaded adult minds. My favorites were The Dogcatcher (Paw Patrol), Two Rare Specimens (Wild Krattz), and The Shark in her Belly (Baby Shark doo doo doo). The Middle Sister's New Situation wasn't so much horror as sad existentialism, which I enjoyed.
There's an anti-viewing guide at the end if you have trouble connecting the dots to which show Barb is drawing from.
Barb has taken the children's show concept and twisted it for our jaded adult minds. My favorites were The Dogcatcher (Paw Patrol), Two Rare Specimens (Wild Krattz), and The Shark in her Belly (Baby Shark doo doo doo). The Middle Sister's New Situation wasn't so much horror as sad existentialism, which I enjoyed.
There's an anti-viewing guide at the end if you have trouble connecting the dots to which show Barb is drawing from.
September 7, 2024
This was a good collection of stories. if you ever wondered what your kid's shows would be like if they were on the darker side then this is for you. At the end Patrick tells you which shows each story is based off of. These are all good stories but the ones that are my personal favorites are:
The secret society of Schrodinger's children
Two rare specimens
The big good boy
Also I give nostalgia points to The final choice of Peter Chu because I was big into Pokemon as a kid.
I received an advanced review copy for free, and I'm leaving this review voluntarily.
The secret society of Schrodinger's children
Two rare specimens
The big good boy
Also I give nostalgia points to The final choice of Peter Chu because I was big into Pokemon as a kid.
I received an advanced review copy for free, and I'm leaving this review voluntarily.
July 30, 2024
What if those infant sharks are not friendly? A world were dogs control the city. Welcome to the Dark world of children's TV shows.
July 29, 2024
It's an interesting idea, this one! It's hard to know who the stories are aimed at, as they're based on children's shows but definitely written for an adult audience. Presumably adults with children. I'm fairly well up on children's TV but I only recognised one show for definite and I guessed a couple of others, but wasn't sure until I reached the ending.
They're well written, and I think there's an audience who are doing to enjoy them.
They're well written, and I think there's an audience who are doing to enjoy them.
September 13, 2024
This book was very unique. We live in a world where so many themes and stories have been done before but I have never read anything like this before so kudos to the author.
I had great fun trying to figure out the TV shows as I read and I got quite a few of the them. The first 3 stories, number 6 and 8 were probably my favourite and I will never look at some of these shows the same way again.
The authors descriptive language was very good and some of the stories creeped me out or made me shiver.
I found other stories less enthralling, they just didn't hook me which is why I have given this 4 stars. It's like I was waiting for an "ahah" moment that didn't come.
Overall a book that is well worth a read.
I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
I had great fun trying to figure out the TV shows as I read and I got quite a few of the them. The first 3 stories, number 6 and 8 were probably my favourite and I will never look at some of these shows the same way again.
The authors descriptive language was very good and some of the stories creeped me out or made me shiver.
I found other stories less enthralling, they just didn't hook me which is why I have given this 4 stars. It's like I was waiting for an "ahah" moment that didn't come.
Overall a book that is well worth a read.
I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
September 11, 2024
Not my cup of tea. The stories were bizarre, dark and depressing. I have 4 kids between the ages of 20 and 9, and I don’t know which children’s shows were the inspirations behind the tales. None we watch/ed. I did get the “Full House” one, but that was the early 90’s and a crap show anyway. I know they had a reunion season or something more recently, but I didn’t watch that either. The TV show, “Channel Zero” did a pretty good season about creepy kids shows. Better than anything I read in this book.
The writing is oddly structured and confusing at times. I like weird, different, even ridiculous at times but I hate not knowing what the hell I’m supposed to be reading. Like, what is actually going on?! Then getting no answers! It’s frustrating to say the least. There is some pandering to the liberal woke hive mind. Not a ton, but it’s always annoying. There should be a trigger warning for contains “woke” or “THE MESSAGE” 😆
This is my second miss in a row. I usually really like indie writers, but I guess they can’t all be my favs. I hate to one star a new (ish?) author, but I don’t want to lie about what I thought. It’s just my opinion anyway. I’m sure there’ll be plenty of readers that like the stories.
I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily
The writing is oddly structured and confusing at times. I like weird, different, even ridiculous at times but I hate not knowing what the hell I’m supposed to be reading. Like, what is actually going on?! Then getting no answers! It’s frustrating to say the least. There is some pandering to the liberal woke hive mind. Not a ton, but it’s always annoying. There should be a trigger warning for contains “woke” or “THE MESSAGE” 😆
This is my second miss in a row. I usually really like indie writers, but I guess they can’t all be my favs. I hate to one star a new (ish?) author, but I don’t want to lie about what I thought. It’s just my opinion anyway. I’m sure there’ll be plenty of readers that like the stories.
I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily
July 12, 2024
I received a review copy for free via BookSirens and I am leaving this honest review voluntarily.
I was attracted to this collection by the original idea of "twisting" children's TV programmes into horror stories. The sample story had a flavour of Ramsey Campbell's writing style so I was hopeful for what was to come. Unfortunately it didn't quite deliver for me. I'm glad there is a section at the back which explains the programme references as I wouldn't have known most of them. I'm in the UK and of an older generation than all the children's programmes so haven't seen even the ones I'm aware of. The RC style of the first story seems more of a coincidence as it doesn't continue in the others and the link to a programme was quite tenuous in some cases. There is a huge imagination behind the work which is what made me give 3 stars rather than 2. I feel the collection would benefit from being edited a little more as I really struggled to get through the more rambling stories. The writer does create an atmosphere of unease and threat but there is a vagueness in most of the stories that made it difficult to follow the action at times.
I was attracted to this collection by the original idea of "twisting" children's TV programmes into horror stories. The sample story had a flavour of Ramsey Campbell's writing style so I was hopeful for what was to come. Unfortunately it didn't quite deliver for me. I'm glad there is a section at the back which explains the programme references as I wouldn't have known most of them. I'm in the UK and of an older generation than all the children's programmes so haven't seen even the ones I'm aware of. The RC style of the first story seems more of a coincidence as it doesn't continue in the others and the link to a programme was quite tenuous in some cases. There is a huge imagination behind the work which is what made me give 3 stars rather than 2. I feel the collection would benefit from being edited a little more as I really struggled to get through the more rambling stories. The writer does create an atmosphere of unease and threat but there is a vagueness in most of the stories that made it difficult to follow the action at times.
July 2, 2024
Patrick Barb’s new collection, 'The Children's Horror: Cursed Episodes for Doomed Adults,' not only shows his fertile imagination and stellar storytelling skills at work, it also reveals what happens when a horror writer is allowed to watch his kids' TV shows non-stop, over and over: Barb was inspired to "translate all of the kids’ TV programming my two children were watching during the height of the pandemic/lockdown here in Minnesota, USA through the filter of the weird, strange, and surreal"! This book is the result. Predictably, its most chilling moment may be the last line:
“Again,” they say. “Let’s watch them again.”
His kids probably showed him no mercy.
The book is a triumph of invention, creepiness, and intelligence: ten stories, each one taking a children TV show and transforming it into a horrific, uncanny, derailed version of the original (often, if not always, not suitable for children!) Sometimes Barb takes the show totally seriously and puts it through the wringer, trying to extend its premise to its logical conclusion, realistically and soberly - just take a look at what he does to Pokémon ("The Final Choice of Peter Chu") or Paw Patrol ("The Dogcatcher")! Other times, he warps the premise entirely and comes up with a terrifying story which could easily stand on its own: check his take on Wild Kratts, an educational kids TV show combining live-action and animation ("Two Rare Specimens") - you get serial killers (sort of), monsters, revenge, kid abuse, and a brilliant nod to Stephen King's "The Boogeyman." Who would have thought up such an insane tale just by watching the show? Only Barb! Finally, but more rarely, Barb goes overboard and crafts a story far above anything found in the TV franchise: his spin on reruns of 1990s TGIF sitcoms is a marvelous story about written-off sitcom characters, heart-breaking and incredibly impactful. On the way, we get decidedly unfamiliar versions of the "Baby Shark" videos, of instantly recognizable mouses and ponnies, and a Kaiju-sized canine terrorizing San Francisco!
To enjoy this book, it's hadly necessary to have spent time with kids in front of a TV - most of the stories are strong enough to stand on their own. Barb's story notes at the end explain some of the references (but not the "parental drone"-cameo! If you know you know lol) and Clay McLeod Chapman's eye-opening "Forewarning" offers a terrific introduction to the whole thing. Just pray you don't end up reading the book again and again and again...!
“Again,” they say. “Let’s watch them again.”
His kids probably showed him no mercy.
The book is a triumph of invention, creepiness, and intelligence: ten stories, each one taking a children TV show and transforming it into a horrific, uncanny, derailed version of the original (often, if not always, not suitable for children!) Sometimes Barb takes the show totally seriously and puts it through the wringer, trying to extend its premise to its logical conclusion, realistically and soberly - just take a look at what he does to Pokémon ("The Final Choice of Peter Chu") or Paw Patrol ("The Dogcatcher")! Other times, he warps the premise entirely and comes up with a terrifying story which could easily stand on its own: check his take on Wild Kratts, an educational kids TV show combining live-action and animation ("Two Rare Specimens") - you get serial killers (sort of), monsters, revenge, kid abuse, and a brilliant nod to Stephen King's "The Boogeyman." Who would have thought up such an insane tale just by watching the show? Only Barb! Finally, but more rarely, Barb goes overboard and crafts a story far above anything found in the TV franchise: his spin on reruns of 1990s TGIF sitcoms is a marvelous story about written-off sitcom characters, heart-breaking and incredibly impactful. On the way, we get decidedly unfamiliar versions of the "Baby Shark" videos, of instantly recognizable mouses and ponnies, and a Kaiju-sized canine terrorizing San Francisco!
To enjoy this book, it's hadly necessary to have spent time with kids in front of a TV - most of the stories are strong enough to stand on their own. Barb's story notes at the end explain some of the references (but not the "parental drone"-cameo! If you know you know lol) and Clay McLeod Chapman's eye-opening "Forewarning" offers a terrific introduction to the whole thing. Just pray you don't end up reading the book again and again and again...!
August 29, 2024
The word usage, presentation, initial words (Forewarning) set the atmosphere quite well. For instance, " You don't just watch The Children’s Horror. The Children’s Horror watches you back." mimicks the famous Nietzsche quote on abyss. Similarly, the stories are unique in their mood and mode. Ryan's river of hell and Gill-monster starts the chill in atmosphere but then Peter chu kinda add the comical elements.
The odd sounded school horror has a haunting impact long after finishing (maybe teachers can relate with their inner insecurities). Then, the dog-catcher is so intense with its universe creation while SCHRöDINGER’S
CHILDREN has a catchy title. I love the application of quantum theory in SCHRöDINGER’S CHILDREN. It seems recently writers are too fascinated by quantum physics. Most of the current books reflect one or two quantum- theory related stories.
However, the rare specimen is fun too with the monsters in closet and under the bed. This story kinda reminds of Frankenstein. Shark in the belly and selkie lover are so pungent of sea, melancholy and inevitability. The middle sister story combines parallel universe/multiverse Or alter ego theories skillfully. I find the rat king metaphor a little difficult but the NDPT story offers sadness.
All the stories are unique in their own way and I enjoyed them for their peculiarities.
I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
The odd sounded school horror has a haunting impact long after finishing (maybe teachers can relate with their inner insecurities). Then, the dog-catcher is so intense with its universe creation while SCHRöDINGER’S
CHILDREN has a catchy title. I love the application of quantum theory in SCHRöDINGER’S CHILDREN. It seems recently writers are too fascinated by quantum physics. Most of the current books reflect one or two quantum- theory related stories.
However, the rare specimen is fun too with the monsters in closet and under the bed. This story kinda reminds of Frankenstein. Shark in the belly and selkie lover are so pungent of sea, melancholy and inevitability. The middle sister story combines parallel universe/multiverse Or alter ego theories skillfully. I find the rat king metaphor a little difficult but the NDPT story offers sadness.
All the stories are unique in their own way and I enjoyed them for their peculiarities.
I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
July 24, 2024
It's an interesting premise for a horror collection of short stories, to base them around kid's tv shows. Barb largely eschews the typical horror tropes in favour of something altogether weirder. And the stories are all the better for it. Aside from the connections to kid's tv shows - which are fun, but don't get distracted by trying to figure them out because Barb lists them at the end of the book - the stories are horrific nightmare fuel. From the opening story where one quiet whisper between classmates leads to a terrifying silent group of children seemingly connected in other unnatural ways closing on their teacher, to the body horror of an unnatural pregnancy with teeth, to a creepy and eerie cartoon character costume with unnatural effects on those who wear it. I know, I used "unnatural" for all three examples, but it really is the best word to describe Barb's tales. He has a profound ability when it comes to tapping into the feelings that unnerve us and weaving them into tales that'll keep us up at night. Then there are the tales which, as well as leaving us with goosebumps, also manage to tug at the heartstrings. Just read "Your Selkie Lover" and "The Big Good Boy" and you'll see what I mean. An altogether fantastic collection.
August 10, 2024
The Children's Horror is the kind of nightmare you might have in the midst of a feverish delirium, drifting in and out of sleep on the couch while your children's TV shows blare in the background.
At the end of it all you awaken disoriened, wondering if that episode of Paw Patrol where the dogs all had rabies was real or imagined, if Peppa Pig and family really took on the meatpacking industry, if Dora really explored a crevace that opened into an alternate dimension where humanity was enslaved by elder gods.
(Note: none of these scenarios take place in this collection, but they are in the ballpark of what Patrick Barb does in this collection.)
A bonus fun part of this book was trying to guess which TV show each story was riffing on. Thankfully, there are story notes (yay story notes!) at the end of the book that serve as an answer sheet. If you don't have kids or don't work with young children, you might be at a loss with the references, but the stories still work on their own.
At the end of it all you awaken disoriened, wondering if that episode of Paw Patrol where the dogs all had rabies was real or imagined, if Peppa Pig and family really took on the meatpacking industry, if Dora really explored a crevace that opened into an alternate dimension where humanity was enslaved by elder gods.
(Note: none of these scenarios take place in this collection, but they are in the ballpark of what Patrick Barb does in this collection.)
A bonus fun part of this book was trying to guess which TV show each story was riffing on. Thankfully, there are story notes (yay story notes!) at the end of the book that serve as an answer sheet. If you don't have kids or don't work with young children, you might be at a loss with the references, but the stories still work on their own.
August 8, 2024
I recently rewatched parts of the 1985 TV movie The Hugga Bunch because reading Patrick Barb's new short story collection got me thinking about the various slightly creepy 1980s and 1990s children's TV programs I watched as a kid via so many VHS tapes. I'm mostly familiar with Barb's short stories and he has a strong penchant for ratcheting up the tension and delivering the strange horror goods we all expect from this genre. I thought the horrific children's TV show angle was unique and captured in unexpected ways throughout. My favorite stories out of this particular bunch were "Two Rare Specimens," "The Shark in Her Belly," and "The Big Good Boy." Weird horror tales can often lose track of the characters, but Barb keeps the emotional core intact for these stories even as the action rises.
I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
July 12, 2024
I will say this book wasn’t bad but it wasn’t good either. It wasn’t too scary for my liking and it was really hard to finish it. I will say even tho I didn’t like it as much. There were a few stories that I did like. I think for me to give this book a 5star it has to be more scarier.
July 4, 2025
I love when collections have some sort of connective tissue running through them. This is an example of one of those done exceptionally well.
Like watching Saturday morning cartoons on some really bad acid. Highly recommended.
Like watching Saturday morning cartoons on some really bad acid. Highly recommended.
July 16, 2024
Patrick Barb’s The Children’s Horror took me right back to those creepy, quirky, eerie television shows/ movies of my 1980’s youth. Such an excellent horror book, I had so much fun reading it 🖤
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