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Suburban Chicken-Strangling Stories
In his most escharotic cacology since the award-winning "tablecloth novel" for children, BLARGVAAR, THE UNHAPPY SPERM WHALE, author Crad Kilodney, theologian, psychopath, and registered mortician, delivers up his most poignant gasbags.
Suburbanites want to know, "Is my brain a thing, or what? Can I change it? What if it breaks? Can I return it for a different color?"
These and other are liturgical pontifications are addressed in SUBURBAN CHICKEN STRANGLING STORIES. But as Aristotle once said, "I owe you nothing. Go away. I eat your face." And just as the luna moth of idiocy orbits the streetlamp of nihilism, so do the violent surgeons of Art and the New Age centipede men meet on the great battlefield of corn, testing whether this nation, so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure.
Now you will find all four types of sentences and all eight parts of speech. Here you will find your lost car keys. Here you will find sanity. We need your money to buy cigars for orphans. We have not changed our underwear in seven weeks. The stink of decay is everywhere, not just in your mind.
Chickens know the world will end. This is why they cut off their own heads and jump into the deep-fryer. It will be a dark and stormy night filled with clichés. The air will be full of bats. Bad haircuts will rule.
So feel free, free to try something new, free to live life for you. Stick your head in the television and electrocute yourself.
Suburbanites want to know, "Is my brain a thing, or what? Can I change it? What if it breaks? Can I return it for a different color?"
These and other are liturgical pontifications are addressed in SUBURBAN CHICKEN STRANGLING STORIES. But as Aristotle once said, "I owe you nothing. Go away. I eat your face." And just as the luna moth of idiocy orbits the streetlamp of nihilism, so do the violent surgeons of Art and the New Age centipede men meet on the great battlefield of corn, testing whether this nation, so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure.
Now you will find all four types of sentences and all eight parts of speech. Here you will find your lost car keys. Here you will find sanity. We need your money to buy cigars for orphans. We have not changed our underwear in seven weeks. The stink of decay is everywhere, not just in your mind.
Chickens know the world will end. This is why they cut off their own heads and jump into the deep-fryer. It will be a dark and stormy night filled with clichés. The air will be full of bats. Bad haircuts will rule.
So feel free, free to try something new, free to live life for you. Stick your head in the television and electrocute yourself.
60 pages, Paperback
Published January 1, 1992
About the author
Crad Kilodney
36 books11 followersCrad Kilodney (1948-2014) was the pen name of Lou Trifon, an American-born Canadian writer who lived for many years in Toronto.
Kilodney obtained a degree in astronomy, but instead of working in that field he took a job at Exposition Press, a self-publishing company. Many of his experiences in that job, and with vanity publishing in general, shaped his outlook on fiction and provided him with material for many stories.
After moving to Canada in 1973 he worked at a number of other book publishers and while doing so decided that it might be best to reach people by publishing his books under his own Charnel House imprint and selling them face-to-face on the street. This he did from 1978 through 1995, and published over thirty books in this manner.
In 1991 Kilodney was charged with selling commercial goods without a license, making him the only Canadian writer ever charged for selling his own writing.
He retired from writing books in 1995.
Kilodney obtained a degree in astronomy, but instead of working in that field he took a job at Exposition Press, a self-publishing company. Many of his experiences in that job, and with vanity publishing in general, shaped his outlook on fiction and provided him with material for many stories.
After moving to Canada in 1973 he worked at a number of other book publishers and while doing so decided that it might be best to reach people by publishing his books under his own Charnel House imprint and selling them face-to-face on the street. This he did from 1978 through 1995, and published over thirty books in this manner.
In 1991 Kilodney was charged with selling commercial goods without a license, making him the only Canadian writer ever charged for selling his own writing.
He retired from writing books in 1995.
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Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews
July 20, 2024
Weird, wacky, erotic, disgusting and hilarious- this book is a great read! First heard about it in a random yt video and was immediately drawn in by the title…. I had to read it!
I loved the way that this book showcased a feast of questionable characters in even more questionable situations. This included (but is not limited to) fan news letters about fictional professors, which grow more violently deranged as the letter continues alllllllllll the way to a third (or maybe fourth?) person perspective of a man who quite literally has no drama in his life.
Loved loved lovedddd this book! Apparently there are not many physical copies left- I had to read mine online, which was scanned in. The copy was written with a typewriter which only added to the experience of feeling like I had found a terrible lost treasure!
If anyone has a copy of this book or any other by the author pls hmuuuuu- otherwise I will be forced to scan the pages I found online to create my own
I loved the way that this book showcased a feast of questionable characters in even more questionable situations. This included (but is not limited to) fan news letters about fictional professors, which grow more violently deranged as the letter continues alllllllllll the way to a third (or maybe fourth?) person perspective of a man who quite literally has no drama in his life.
Loved loved lovedddd this book! Apparently there are not many physical copies left- I had to read mine online, which was scanned in. The copy was written with a typewriter which only added to the experience of feeling like I had found a terrible lost treasure!
If anyone has a copy of this book or any other by the author pls hmuuuuu- otherwise I will be forced to scan the pages I found online to create my own
August 17, 2024
Kilodney's last book to be sold on the street. Sadly, there is a drop off in quality in his last few books, his unflinching honesty turning into anger and bitterness due to his experiences selling his books on the street in Toronto. This is probably his ugliest collection (although "Nazi Nuclear Power Plant Janitor Dog" is a heck of a title).
1.5 stars
1.5 stars
October 7, 2021
Crad Kilodney was recommended in a recent post on r/WeirdLit about Canadian writers of the genre, presumably by someone who thinks anything generically "weird" qualifies. Not that Kilodney is all that bad or anything, but this is really just satire. Unfortunately, for me personally he relies way too much on the grotesque - there are not one but two stories in this collection involving graphic bestiality. Not a fan.
Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews