Motherdom: Breaking Free of Bad Science and Good Mother Myths

by Alex Bollen

What if the societal expectations about motherhood weren't just unrealistic, but based on fundamental misrepresentations of science?

Almost all parenting advice is wrong. Parenting "experts" peddle claims about how parenting styles impact a child's development and terrifying new parents about getting it wrong.

When Alex Bollen had her first baby, she found herself feeling guilty and anxious about being a bad mother. A researcher with twenty years experience, she went in search of answers about what was the right way to care for her children. But when she started digging into studies about mothers and babies, she was surprised by how flimsy the evidence was, and how it was so often exaggerated and misrepresented.

Incensed by the way that mothers were being shamed by bad science, Alex Bollen decided to set the record straight. With meticulous research and keen insight, Motherdom assesses the evidence for claims about "good parenting" and systematically dismantles the faulty science and magical thinking that underpin pervasive "Good Mother" myths used to shame and frighten new parents.

Genres: Nonfiction, Parenting

304 pages, Hardcover

First published March 4, 2025

Reviews

[bird · Rating 2 out of 5]

i found this both patronizing and narrow in scope. there's an interesting bit early on where the author assesses how improved infant mortality outcomes led to higher expectations for mothers-- the angel food cake of parenting-- that i think could have been analyzed in more depth throughout the book, which ends up focusing on just three categories-- birth, feeding, and attachment theory-- none of which leads farther than the first year of a baby's life.

her argument-- that expectations of mothers are too high, they are singularly blamed too often, that ambiguous scientific conclusions are misrepresented in order to underline these expectations, and that instead mothers deserve more support and resources-- is not a bad one but it's also not an interesting one, aside some pointed assessments of the specific studies underlying different mom-facing public takeaways, which i did appreciate-- and it doesn't look at all at the multiple power schemas and social identities in which moms/women find themselves, nor at the generational impacts of these dynamics, nor even on what mothers want for their children / why they want these things and how it leads them to feel all this pressure-- but instead stays repeatedly stuck on "people tell moms if they do xyz they will harm their baby, but this is an unfair expectation for one person alone." like, okay! yeah! but then what? she also often rebuts "this study ambiguously suggests xyz is good for babies" with "but they don't do that in x culture and it's also hard to do under conditions of poverty" which is not! a rebuttal! but actually instead grounds for further study of impact and necessity! her entire conclusion is "instead of expecting moms to do all this we need a robust social support network with flexible jobs, healthcare benefits, accessible childcare, and community support" for SURE my guy but like does this come back to the thinking and practices of moms and what moms want for their kids?

it weirdly shies back from talking about misogyny as misogyny-- "Good Mother myths" are not their own distinct cultural idea-- and from talking about the whole family unit as something that could potentially engage with how society talks about and treats mothers. where, for example, are fathers? what are they up to? many of us are asking!

i found the presumed passivity of moms in this annoying lol like with many forms of feminist critique that presume an adult woman can do nothing but, like a sponge, absorb all external theory and commentary on her and perform to its expectations, rife with anxiety, with no developed compass of her own sense of self or right and wrong within, in this case, motherhood-- particularly when i do think that a developed sense of sturdiness in one's self and one's decisions is essential for mothering well and arguably for living as an adult agent at all; mother and child are both vulnerable to crushing social treatment of women and its ripples, as the crux of the much-debated mother's anxiety is her power over her child, which is not an imagined power. this would be have been interesting to explore somewhat.

[Hestia Istiviani · Rating 5 out of 5]

In Motherdom, Alex Bollen explains how Good Mother Myth is being constructed under white male pov and actually it harms many children, not only in the US, but also the rest of the world.
What Bollen writes has reminded me with "medical research" which just swept women's pains under the rug and told us that we're just being too dramatic. In fact, the pain is real and need to be observed immadiately.

Really a good book ✨

[Nikki · Rating 5 out of 5]

Although this is far more research based than the anecdotal non-fiction I usually read, it was an absolute godsend for me. It debunks ridiculous but promenant parenting myths and calls out the bullshit. Could make all the difference to my happiness as a mother.

[Nakedfartbarfer · Rating 5 out of 5]

I learned that the episiotomy rates in the US in 1950 were around 80% of hospital births 😵‍💫 This book gives a pretty good history of specious or unnecessary medical advice and harmful social directives given to mothers, often at the behest of male experts.

Also lay bare the standard playbook: criticism of individuals (in this case, mothers) for societal ills as a way of ignoring & excusing economic austerity for the masses, and hand-waving away all sociopolitical circumstances, e.g. your kid is poorly-behaved because you are too inattentive or too attentive and not because they go to school hungry, etc..

I liked the discussion of the demonization of midwives around the turn of the last century, as births occurred more often in hospitals and fell under the jurisdiction of (largely male) doctors. Midwives got broadly painted as backward, even superstitious charlatans in order to bring more people under the dominion of a burgeoning medical field. Another common stratagem for smearing individuals: concealing background assumptions discourages the investigation of alternative frameworks (boost the noise, not the signal).

This is mostly written from a UK point of view, but is reasonable to extrapolate elsewhere. It lets parents off the hook for things they ought never have been on the hook for. Really good!

[Fabtasmagoria · Rating 3 out of 5]

I received an ARC of this book courtesy of NetGalley

Motherdom: Breaking Free of Bad Science and Good Mother Myths is a thoughtful, deeply researched book but not always a satisfying one.

What really stood out to me was how rigorously the author builds her case. I actually took forever to finish it, partly because I kept going down rabbit holes reading the studies she cited. That’s honestly one of the book’s biggest strengths. It convincingly shows how much of what we’re told about “good motherhood” is based on shaky, exaggerated, or misapplied science. Alex Bollen makes a strong argument that cultural norms, healthcare systems, and even scientific narratives are often skewed in ways that position mothers as the problem, no matter what choices they make.

That said, I found myself wanting more from it. While the critique is thorough and often compelling, the book can feel heavy on deconstruction and lighter on what comes next. The idea of “motherdom” is interesting, but it felt a bit abstract. I wanted more concrete solutions or actionable ways to push back against the systems being critiqued.

I also wish mothers came across as a bit more active in the narrative. At times, the framing leans toward mothers as recipients of pressure and bias rather than people who can resist, adapt, or reshape those expectations.

Overall, it’s an informative and eye opening read, especially if you’re interested in the research behind parenting advice and how it gets distorted, but it may leave you wanting a stronger sense of agency and clearer paths forward.

[Katie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Alex Bollen’s Motherdom dispels some of the myths and shaky science that have been used to shame and alarm mothers. Now that I know the real story behind the origin of attachment theory, for example, I feel angry that I and so many other moms have been misled about such a tiny and unreplicated study. It makes me wish every mom had a copy of this book.

The book would have been more approachable for busy moms if it had been a bit shorter and more focused in places. Its strength lies in dispelling pseudoscience. Given the book’s assertion to support research-based information, I was disappointed by a couple of claims that were not scientific. I feel Bollen reaches too far in some claims.

Overall however, this book is a great resource; moms just may need to take a couple of claims with a grain of salt. Bollen is absolutely right to provide mothers with encouragement and appreciation - and to urge that they be provided with more support (e.g., affordable childcare) instead of more guilt.

Thank you to NetGalley and Verso Books for the free eARC. I post this review with my honest opinions.

[Joel · Rating 5 out of 5]

I finished reading this a week ago but I forgot to log it on here.

This book wasn’t at all what I expected and I really struggled to get into it as first, but once I’d got past the first 100 pages I started to really enjoy it.

This book is doing a couple of things, it’s exposing terrible research and little tricks think tanks use to skew data (for example using studies only done on animals to make some point about human behaviour), it’s a consideration of the very real harm that good mother myths perpetuate, and it’s proposing an alternative to the established idea of motherhood that good mother myths have fuelled (Bollen entitles this alternative Motherdom). It’s also, in part, somewhat of a personal essay.

I thought this book would just be an explanation of current good mother myths and a debunking of them - I’m glad that I was wrong. This book was so much better than what I was expecting.

[Addie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Someone else might benefit from reading this book, but I myself did not need to read this book. I would recommend picking up anything by Emily Oster for a more actionable data-based take on similar information, or Angela Garber for a socio-poetic take on the topic. I have read both authors enough to feel like this book was a less useful, angrier regurgitation. I do not fault the author; given her decades of work in the birth field in the UK, she must’ve seen a gamut of situations she felt she could try to ameliorate by writing this. The part I did appreciate what was the “no universal right answer” take on the hot topics in birth and early motherhood and the dispelling of the binary way in which they are discussed: breast-feeding versus formula versus combo feeding, “natural” birth versus home birth versus hospital birth. I didn’t find her to come up with any answers, however, except to trust yourself and examine your own unique situation as separate from society-scale edicts.

[Dysha Cole · Rating 3 out of 5]

Motherhood is hard and mom guilt is real and never ending. I was excited to see this book, as a Black mother and a social worker with an OB background, i have had many conversations with patients reassuring them of the choices they were making for themselves and their babies. I DEFINITELY appreciate how race is discussed often; the motherhood experience is vastly different when you are BIPOC. I do feel, however that this book is all over the place, extremely worried and repetitive in its points.

Writings like this make me worry that they will only be read in academic spaces and not actually reach the target audience - your everyday mother.

Thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for allowing me to access this title in exchange for an honest review.

[Michele · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very thought provoking and well researched.

The chapter on obstetric violence was harrowing.

[Gemma · Rating 5 out of 5]

YES

[Lexi Anglen- · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing and made me cry like 10 times and also gave me inspiration for my diss