Maybe I'm Amazed: A Story of Love and Connection in Ten Songs

by John Harris

⭐⭐⭐A BBC RADIO 4 BOOK OF THE WEEK⭐⭐⭐

'BRILLIANT' ADRIAN CHILES
'THIS BOOK CONTAINS MAGIC' CAITLIN MORAN
'ENTRANCING, HEARTBREAKING, UPLIFTING' MARINA HYDE

In this extraordinary memoir, a father tells the story of how music has opened up the world to his son, one song at a time.

Obsessed with music since he was a child, John Harris had no idea that he was in fact preparing himself for the greatest challenge of his life. But so it transpired. When his son James was born, and three years later diagnosed with autism, music became a source of precious connection and endless wonder for both of them.

Maybe I'm Amazed describes how the music of The Beatles, Kraftwerk, Funkadelic, The Velvet Underground, Amy Winehouse and many more were soon woven into the fabric of James's life, becoming an essential part of who he is. It takes us through the struggles of raising an autistic child in a prejudiced world, and uncovers a hidden history of neurodivergence and creativity that casts new light on why notes, chords and lyrics speak so powerfully to the human mind.

Anyone who has fallen in love with a band or heard their life reflected back to them by a song will recognise themselves in the story of this father and his son. And in considering the intense and transcendent way James absorbs and connects with music, it has lessons in listening and living for us all.

Genres: Nonfiction, Music, Memoir

247 pages, Kindle Edition

Published March 27, 2025

About the author

Librarian Note: There is more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name.

John[2 spaces]Harris : Historical Fiction
John[3 spaces]Harris : Non Fiction
John[4 spaces]Harris : Treehouse
John[5 spaces]Harris : Music
John[6 spaces]Harris : Management
John[7 spaces]Harris : Child Psychology
John[8 spaces]Harris : Children's
John[9 spaces]Harris : Drama
John[10 spaces]Harris : John Harris of Bolenowe, poet and preacher
John[11 spaces]Harris : -
John[12 spaces]Harris : History, Architecture
John[13 spaces]Harris : born 1942
John[14 spaces]Harris : Reverend John Harris (1802 - 1856)
John[15 spaces]Harris : -
John[16 spaces]Harris : History
John[17 spaces]Harris : born 1937
John[18 spaces]Harris : -
John[19 spaces]Harris : Backpacker
John[20 spaces]Harris : Erotic, LGBT
John[21 spaces]Harris : born 1667
John[22 spaces]Harris : GR Author
John[25 spaces]Harris : GR Author

Reviews

[Bjørn · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an exceptional book – what an exceptional young man – what an exceptional journey.

I’m autistic myself and music has been my best friend ever since I remember. For James, it’s his food and air; he lives music and for music. There’s no better parent than a music aficionado, an ex-journalist for NME and Sounds. Music is what makes life much more than bearable; it turns it into ecstatic experiences.

At the same time, James is deeply impaired in many other ways. (The ‘high-functioning’ and ‘low-functioning’ labels prove useless again. He can play gigs on stage and be completely comfortable, but not do the groceries or deal with the sound of a lawn mower.) The book isn’t just about him and music; it’s about the parents having to learn to deal with a child very different from all the others. Yes, every child is special, it just so happens that James is more special than schools and institutions know how to handle. The legal battles necessary to get him the education and care he needs are the saddest part of the book.

Maybe I’m Amazed is also an examination of autism by someone who’s done his best to educate himself and shares the knowledge. It’s not about searching for a cure, although there is the compulsory Autistic Parents section where both John and Ginny are devastated to hear it said bluntly – there’s no cure. It’s about the search for the best life for their son. Frankly, at times I wished I had parents like those. I got diagnosed at 43. I’m nothing like James and I am a lot like James – the book also explains the concept of ‘spectrum’ and does it in an engaging, clear way.

Harris is a great believer in ABA. I didn’t feel entirely comfortable with that until he got to explaining it; apparently the way ABA is performed in the UK is extremely different from what I know (imagine withholding love and affection from your child until they do exactly as told). Maybe I’m Amazed describes nothing but positive reinforcement. I’ll stop here and let every autistic reader make their mind up.

It was a wonderful, if too short, read that made me feel like a part of the family – Rosa, James’s sister, doesn’t get much space on the pages, unless they’re performing together. It’s the father’s book about his son, sure, but as both James and Rosa keep growing up, things may change. Harris is aware of that; he dreads the future in which Rosa might be forced to become James’s caretaker. I feel so personally engaged in their lives, having read Maybe I’m Amazed, that I hope for the best, not that I know what it is.

One of the best memoirs I’ve read in years.

My ratings:
5* = this book changed my life
4* = very good
3* = good
2* = I should have DNFed
1* = actively hostile towards the reader*

[Francis Pellow]

I listened to the Radio 4 Book of the Week abridgement. I feel this was a book that didn't benefit from such a heavy abridgement so i'm not going to give it a star rating but there was enough about it to make it worth the listen. In particular the fourth episode in which playing music opens up a new world and connections. That was really beautiful to listen to.

[Carole Tyrrell · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the fascinating story of a music obsessed journalist, his partner Ginny, their daughter Rosa and their eldest child, James who is autistic. It’s about how they have navigated their way through James condition and found a common bond through music that allows James to be part of a world that confuses and baffles him at times to shine in his own particular way.
The book is divided into 10 chapters, each referencing a song, most of which were among my personal favourites and gives the reader an idea of the breadth of music that James listens to and how much they are woven into family life. In the introduction the author, is at a Paul McCartney concert prior to his Glastonbury appearance, and watches the effect it has on James who was 15 at the time and a huge Beatles fan.
Diagnosed when he was 3, James sees the world differently, sometime withdrawing and some times with deep joy. There is an accompanying photo of James wearing a Magical Mystery Tour t-shirt and looked every excited.
His father sees him as a:
‘a very fragile human being dependent on the kindness of others’ and that aspects of his condition:
‘will always make it near impossible for him to navigate life alone.’
The author discusses his own discovery of music when he first heard the Beatles, aged 4, and then progressed onto others. He played in a band as a teenager and after university became a music journalist. He met Ginny as they moved in similar circles, set up home and then James came along.
James’ diagnosis of autism was very depressing and bleak as they were told that:
‘our child would be hopelessly cut off from the world.’
But they were wrong as music became the dominant force in his life enabling him to become part of the world and not separate from it. And it brought the author back to music himself. As he says, music is:
‘a perfect soundtrack to life, and all its joy, sadness, tragedy and wonder.’ I recognised my own journey to music through the descriptions of his work and specific songs. Also the weekly music press such as NME which I still miss, progressing to the monthlies and ultimately the Guardian as the music business changed and contracted with the coming of the Internet. He notices James’s passion for certain types of music Captain Beefheart is a no-no but the Velvet Underground’s I’m Waiting For My Man’ is a hit.
I sympathised with the author and Ginny as they battled through assessments and therapists while feeling adrift. Meanwhile James develops a like in for Ipod Cover Art and Mott the Hoople. A friendly, helpful specialist begins to work with James and they all begin to navigate through the world, determined to get him an education and skills in language. They also learn about the different types of autism and worry about the future. They also go through a Statutory Assessment and a Statement of Special Educational Needs with the local council which is rejected, they fight it and ultimately win. But what happens to the ones that don’t?
Along the way, the nature of people who are drawn to the music business is raised. PIL’s bassist, Jah Wobble assets that the business:
‘is full of oddballs.’
Several examples are suggested such as Beethoven, Mozart, Prince and Brian Wilson
When James performs at an end of school concert with his band and is praised, the author says:
‘If you are repeatedly told that your child can’t do it, it starts to eat at you. If’ you’re not careful, life can start to feel like a long attempt to stop them being dragged into failure and bleakness.’ But performing and music is something that James can do:
‘on the same terms as everyone else.’
And so they continue at the book’s end; James discovering new songs and new artists with his father joining in.
I really enjoyed this book as it felt so positive and encouraging. It reminded me of how I feel about music and my life. Prior to reading it I knew very little about autism and what it actually meant. It definitely meant difference but I didn’t know to what extent. I sympathised greatly with their struggles with the council to grant him a statemented education but the hope for inclusion doesn’t quite materialise and the negativity with which some professionals view his condition. At one school, James learning to hang up his coat is an achievement for the staff whereas his parents wanted more for him. At times the book was a tender portrait of living with difference.
Along the way the family meet other autism sufferers, people from the music industry, and others that they meet through James. I felt that it ended on a positive note and I hoped that James would continue to have wonderful experiences.

My thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for an ARC.

[Lizzie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Most of the books I've read on autism have been written by neurodivergent people, so it took a bit of getting used to reading a book written by a parent instead (though it seems to me and is strongly hinted at by himself, that John Harris is also neurodivergent). The parts about ABA made me very uncomfortable, but I trust that John is right in his assertion that it worked for them, and I know that if there was any hint of the process being abusive, they would not have gone ahead with it. It's also clear that John, at least prior to writing the book, had done his research and he does address the history and criticism of ABA.

In fact, everything else he writes about in the book demonstrates a father who is closely connected to his son, and who has brought him so much more beyond the ABA. He wrote about James with such empathy, understanding and respect, and James sounds like an awesome young man. I absolutely loved hearing about their relationship to music, the way they listened and played together (alongside his daughter), the confidence it brings James, and the utter joy that radiates throughout the book is infectious. He also includes some fascinating information from the reading he has done about the autistic experience of music that has made me think about my own relationship to music, and I will certainly follow this up with more research of my own. He also wrote a bit about education of course, and the dismaying (and frankly baffling) reduction of music in schools.

In James's case, he's lucky that his father shares the same "obsessions" (as John calls it), though I would hope that if James had had a completely different interest, John would have been equally supportive and engaged. There's also an enormous amount of privilege in their family - they had the finances and time to fight for what they thought they needed to get James's needs met (i.e. for ABA...), and John has connections in the music sphere to be able to enrich James's experiences beyond what most of us would be able to.

But, it's a book well worth reading, a really heart warming demonstration of how important it is for parents to fully engage with their children's interests (whether autistic or not, in fact), and to find the joy!

[Debby Binns · Rating 4 out of 5]

I listened to the abridged version of this book on BBC Sounds. John Harris takes us back to before his son James’s birth. He tells the story of his son’s arrival, his preschool diagnosis of autism, and how his differences manifest as he grows up. James loves music – the Beatles among a number of other bands – the book has been abridged brilliantly.

[Nick Jacob · Rating 5 out of 5]

The brilliant Guardian writer, John Harris, describes his autistic son’s musical awakening and how he managed to connect to that son through their shared loved of music. Touching and satisfying. I hope his son is stilling doing so well.
I need to get a better musical connection with my son after reading this. My son is an excellent drummer and I don’t show enough interest.

[Erika · Rating 2 out of 5]

unfortunately this book was so focused on ABA I couldn't finish it. The parts about music and connection were excellent, however Harris' viewpoint on his son's autism, the need for "normalisation" through ABA and their insistence that he should stay in a mainstream school to his detriment felt too ableist to me as the autistic parent of an autistic child.

[Mark Beech · Rating 5 out of 5]

A wonderful book - very moving - made me reassess my love of The Beatles...

[Emma · Rating 4 out of 5]

A powerful and thoughtful read about the authors lived experience of having a son with autism and the joy of music. I wish the family well and many enjoyable concerts 🫶

[Maureen Meleady · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5