Cecilia

by K-Ming Chang

A surreal novella about the intensity and eroticism of girlhood friendships, the ecstasy of desire and disgust, and matriarchal mythmaking.

Seven, who works as a cleaner at a chiropractor’s office, reencounters Cecilia, a woman who has obsessed her since their school days. As the two of them board the same bus—each dubiously claiming not to be following the other—their chance meeting spurs a series of intensely vivid and corporeal memories. In the defamiliarization that follows, the narrator begins to experience queerness itself as an alienation from normative time.

Smart, subversive, and gripping, Cecilia is a winding, misty road trip through bodily transformation, inextricable histories of desire and violence, diaspora, and obsessive love.

Genres: Fiction, Queer, LGBT, Lesbian, Contemporary, Literary Fiction, Novella

Hardcover

First published May 21, 2024

About the author

K-Ming Chang is a Kundiman fellow, a Lambda Literary Award finalist, and a National Book Foundation 5 Under 35 honoree. She is the author of the debut novel BESTIARY (One World/Random House, 2020), which was longlisted for the Center for Fiction First Novel Prize and the PEN/Faulkner Award. Her short story collection, GODS OF WANT, is forthcoming from One World.

Reviews

[Whitney Atkinson · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars

for a book that mentions piss more than any book i've ever read in my life, possibly my entire library combined, this was an unexpected slay.

it's been SO long since i've walked into a bookstore and bought something i've never heard of for full price, but this was the very definition of that. and i was so surprised that one of my favorite themes in books, recalling the bittersweet memories of childhood, was front and center here.

cecilia is gross and startling but also smart and thought-provoking. having a childhood crush that descends into obsession and shame is relatable (one reviewer said this book would be a good read for anyone who facebook stalks their crush), but this book's hyperbole felt like a descent into madness. i couldn't put this book down and for every line that confused me, there were three that made me feel so seen.

even as someone who rarely reads literary fiction, i can't wait for friends to read this so i can re-experience it and discuss it. this review doesn't sell the book half as good as it actually is but i would highly recommend this if you can stomach weirdness and love books about longing and girlhood/adolescence, especially about queer women!

[Roman Clodia · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was the light that said: I cannot forgive you for forgetting. I cannot forgive us for outgrowing each other. I cannot forgive the world for its natural order.

Deliciously dark and strange, this powerful and intense novella is all about the writing for me as Chang inscribes queerness through her extended dislocations: of storyline, of lexical form, of syntax, of bodies.

The writing is immediately striking for the way it is wrenched out of usual meanings and contexts: verbs, nouns and adjectives take on novel forms just as sentences buckle, bodies metamorphose and the boundaries of normative order dissolve. On a superficial level this recounts a story of obsession: Seven enacts a meeting with her childhood friend, Cecilia, and drifts into recalling their haunting, eroticised relationship, abruptly terminated. But that bare description of story doesn't come even close to encapsulating what makes this narrative rare and extraordinarily fertile as a piece of writing.

I'd say this will appeal to readers who love metaphor and mythology, who enjoy being tantalised with intertexts and want a narrative to liberate the imagination rather than close it down into a set track. There are elements here which repeat and reverberate both externally and through self-referentiality: the dissolution of bodily integrities, women and crows, the erotic and the cruel. This is the sort of book one could write a thesis on - always a positive in my eyes! And it sent me straight out to snap up Chang's back catalogue.

When I reached up to touch my face, I felt no protrusions, no new bones inflecting my surface, and yet, when Cecilia and I looked at each other, we saw them: beaks mountaining out of our mouths, rooted to the shadows of our jawbones. Beaks shining like the perfect darkness preserved inside a belly.

Many thanks to Vintage for an ARC via NetGalley

[Robin · Rating 2 out of 5]

Ultimately nonsensical, K-Ming Chang has some very interesting moments in this novella but much of it is wasted on tangents of drawn out metaphors and scenes that do nothing to contribute to the work as a whole. While the author is obviously talented when it comes to word weaving, it feels like she is more concerned with the aesthetic of her work than the art of actual story telling.

I was really looking forward to reading this one as the premise sounded interesting to me as a queer woman of color. Ultimately, however, I walked away from this wondering who the target audience is after struggling to even finish it. I also do not understand what Chang is getting out of focusing so much on piss in this...which is apparently a bad, confusing habit that continues on from her other work Bestiary.

Thank you to Edelweiss and the publisher for the ARC.

[Maddie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Weird, erotic, subversive, and kinda disgusting. Overflowing with sapphic longing. 10/10

[Rebecca McPeake · Rating 1 out of 5]

I went into this book with very high hopes as I always find stories of obsession intriguing and interesting. I was, however, disappointed.

There are moments in this novella where K-Ming Chang reveals her talents as a writer— the same moments that had me stopping to think about the concepts that she had brought to attention in the story.

These moments were very much overshadowed by the nonsensical rambling that makes up the majority of the book. In fact, I would say there is very little craft of story telling present in this novella at all.

The constant disturbing presence of bodily fluids, crows and odd comparisons make this book very difficult to read and not in a good way. It feels unnecessary, overdrawn and very frequently irrelevant.

There is very little character development and it really takes away from the vague plot we do get.

I was very bored and felt this book drag very intensely. I will say, however, that if K-Ming Chang had not jumped from one thing to another without warning (again, not in a good way) then this read would have been much better.

Thank you to vintage UK for the arc

[jocelyn • coolgalreading · Rating 4 out of 5]

i love books about weird, obsessive female friendship

[Nicole Murphy · Rating 3 out of 5]

It took me a while to get into this due to the very abstract writing style, but by the end I did enjoy it.

It’s a story of obsessive friendship and exploring sexuality told through the lense of protagonist Seven and flits between her as a teenager at school, and the present day as an adult.

There were some absolutely beautiful chunks of writing in this book, but at times I did feel this overpowered the actual storytelling. I would still recommend this book and I think it may end up being one that lingers with me longer than I expect.

[Rachel Louise Atkin · Rating 3 out of 5]

An intense little book about a woman’s obsession with another woman named Cecilia. It’s written in a quite readable stream of consciousness style prose with no speech which made it quite claustrophobic and urgent but I felt took a way from the ability for it to keep up a sustained and absorbing plot. I’m glad this book was as short as it was because otherwise I would have found the writing style a bit too samey and it would have lost my attention, but with it being such a small novel it kept up a feeling of urgency and delusion in the narrator’s desire. I would recommend if you are looking for a book with a very distinct voice that you can fly through in an afternoon.

[Natalie Marlin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Renders obsessive lesbian desire as the sickening psychological secretion it can often feel like, and all the lingering guilt that comes with feeling as if even so much as harboring those desires makes you any more predatory than your straight peers. Made me want to claw my own skin off, and made me genuinely nauseous at least a couple times—just like lesbian desire sometimes makes me feel!

[Megan O'Hara · Rating 3 out of 5]

i (unlike others 😇) do not dock points for excessive mentions of piss, however this book revealed to me even lesbian pissplay can be overwritten…sad.

[司徒嘉瑤]

Matching copies gifted by a friend whose mom went to the same high school in rural China as my mom. We met ‘through a mutual friend’. The bookstore clerk overheard us talking and recommended the book. Now having read the book, that was … really crazy of him.

We started it on a bench in Trinity Bellwoods Park and ended it in Roundhouse Park. Much of this was read on the TTC.

Ive never read a book like this before. It was intense and weird and I liked the style of prose. The way she describes things was grotesque in a poignant sort of way. Nothing really happens in it, and it’s very character driven, which I like. So, in a way, this was a light fun read.

[James · Rating 2 out of 5]

Disappointing. Quite a lightweight book given the illusion of heft by soaking everything in piss.

[Nev · Rating 2 out of 5]

The description of this book really intrigued me. I love stories about intense and obsessive friendships between young girls. But sadly I didn’t end up loving this. I was drawn in by the depiction of Cecilia and Seven’s friendship in the past, but most of the stuff in the present day just lost me. At times I found the writing to be incredibly beautiful, then at others I just found it inscrutable.

[Celi · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book was nauseating and nonsensical.

[Chris · Rating 2 out of 5]

This sounded interesting and I was looking forward to reading it. However, the focus on style and weirdness didn’t hold my attention and in the end it ruined my reading experience.
K-Ming Chang is a smart, intense, imaginative writer, but I’m afraid this wasn’t for me.
Thank you Vintage UK and Netgalley for the ARC.

[E.Y. Zhao · Rating 5 out of 5]

Immaculate dirty, sexy, sad summer vibes

[Mona Kabbani · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the second weird-girl sapphic novella i’ve read that has involved either a lot of piss or descriptive carrion bird transformations. I’m not complaining. But it’s interesting that it’s happened twice.

Powerful language that effectively captures the visceral experience of self discovery from adolescence into adulthood. But it’s all vibes, little plot.

Highly recommend if you want to read some insanely creative descriptions.

[Poppy✨ · Rating 2 out of 5]

[2.5] How can you talk about piss so much? Theres a lot of long descriptions that are for ✨the aesthetic✨ rather than actually contributing to the narrative. It was rather difficult to parse out reality from fiction, what was present and what was past. There was a lot of metaphorical imagery that really only served to be ✨weird✨. It felt overdone at times. I do have to wonder why sapphic stories are often stuck in this “weird girl, gross girl” space. I think this story does touch on some real sapphic experiences but a lot of it is marred by these weird descriptions and fixation with shit and piss. Overall it was fine and nice to hear interesting descriptions but if you’re looking for a good sapphic book then this isn’t it. If you’re looking for a story you’re probably not going to find that either.

[abi · Rating 2 out of 5]

huh?

[rosie (donna tartt’s version)]

ok so just a few pages in and I don’t really vibe with this, but I also think I want to read one of the author’s other works first like bestiary or gods of want. agree with other reviewers about all the talk of piss and shit being like, kinda weird… body horror/ grotesque-ness is one thing but I feel like k ming chang is taking the easy way out to being gross and it’s just not impressive. also read the phrase “applause of the toilet” being used to describe when the lid shuts…. wot? hold for now, but leaning towards a DNF

[Becca Nissen · Rating 1 out of 5]

(DNF) usually don’t speak to books I don’t finish… but this one… this was completely nonsensical. & I’m cranky about it.

this entirely too long of a short story consisted solely (not hyperbolic) of bodily fluid imagery, which on a good day, whatever, but for it to be just abstract/obtuse metaphors that do quite literally nothing for the narrative? no thank u. this author is OBSESSED with the aesthetic of her pen with seemingly zero regard to crafting the story itself. there was literally nothing beneath these weird, crass little words to cling onto.

oh, you’d like an illustrative quote? sure thing: “In my dreams I have a penis. It’s a beloved green slug with three eyeballs that opal its tip… I wring out the slug with both hands, a slurry of tinier slugs dribbling out of its tip, plinking into the water like tongues. Your mouth is the sea, and I know that you drink me because the boat bobs like a throat beneath my feet, beneath my dreams”

I will leave you with a quote I found amidst the muck that is actually good (read: needle in haystack) and summarizes what I think the book wanted to say (read: this should have been a one-line poem) so that this isn’t just a mean rant: “I wanted any way inside of you, but I kept outgrowing your openings”

[jd!! · Rating 4 out of 5]

4☆

I fucking love disgusting homoerotic friendships.
nearly was sick a few times reading this though 😅

[jason · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5
such an interesting little story. the writing was so fluid and poetic. a lot of vivid imagery that really came to life, and beautiful quotes. i love stories that analyze childhood experiences from a new lens. i did find that the fluidity of the stream of consciousness style had me lost at times, and there was a lot of unnecessary bathroom talk (an amount that puts ottessa moshfegh to shame!) overall, though, i ate this up, and i’m excited to get to the other books by k-ming chang that i have on my shelf.

some quotes:
“the truth is i wanted to obliterate you.”

“i pretended our pasts were in tandem, but my memories had always outlived hers, even when we were little.”

“all those details would uproot what i knew of her, and i couldn’t bear her as a stranger.”

“to be seen is slaughter.”

“i burdened you with the responsibility of being impossible.”

[Anya Thompson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Exquisitely eerie, intense, and deeply profound, this abstract novella by Chang captivates through its unconventional surreal approach to storytelling. The novella recounts a rather straightforward tale of obsession, when Seven reconnects with Cecilia, a childhood friend. We delve into their erotically charged, impassioned relationship, as they re-connect the affecting past is drawn to the present.

Chang masterfully explores themes of obsession and queerness by challenging traditional narrative structures, linguistic norms, and delving graphic bodily boundaries (piss heavy). The prose are immediately arresting, metaphor heavy, twisting the novel into configurations. This is a lyrically dark, tricky novel and style heavy, which won’t resonate with everyone, but I enjoyed its raw, unhinged strangeness.

Thank you to NetGalley and the Publisher for the ARC.

[Meliza · Rating 1 out of 5]

wish i lived in the universe where this author wasn’t obsessed with pee, poop, and buttholes. a lot of this just felt like a repeat of the stuff in Organ Meat but lacking the actual plot of Organ Meat…so Organ Meat lite i guess and idk it just felt like a bunch of the same poetry and ideas and it became boring! also this premise doesn’t justify all the pee and butthole stuff like at least Organ Meat was about dogs, like literal wild animals who poop and pee wherever why are you talking about piss when you’re supposed to be cleaning up the massage chair???
she’d write a very interesting poetry book tho

[☽ · Rating 5 out of 5]

classic k-ming chang hits: queerness, obsession, animality/animacy, desire/disgust, mythology, queering reproductivity/reproduction. would be very fun to do a 'minor/secondary feelings' study of KMC's oeuvre abt disgust, shame, & obsessiveness

[Ellis (whatellisreadnext) · Rating 2 out of 5]

What a load of b*ll*cks... meandering and pointless. Small pockets of great writing, hidden amongst a mess of a narrative. For those curious, my final urine counter came to 40 times in 129 pages... will I ever get this time back?

[Alex Sarll]

A young woman who works for a chiropractor, and from the off is a little too interested in her colleagues' trips to the loo, bumps into the schoolfriend on whom she used to crush back before she even quite knew how bodies worked, sending her into nostalgic reveries and old fantasies: Remembrance Of Times Piss, if you will. And sure, individual thresholds will vary, and most of it would be ill-advised as small-talk with a new colleague, but come on, it's 2024! Even if we leave to one side what anyone might have encountered in the darker corners of the internet, I live in a country where a recent official portrait reminded me that it's a matter of record how the monarch envied his consort's tampon; to register as transgressive, fiction would need to go harder than this fairly gentle magic realist ick. But I kept going, because it was harmless enough, and short enough that abandonment would have felt mean, and I was rewarded with a certain ambient tenderness, building to stabs of genuine poignancy towards the end, when we learn how the girls were parted, and question whether two people who were so close, and then severed, can ever ultimately reforge that connection, or any connection that heals more than hurts.

(Netgalley ARC)

[Kate · Rating 4 out of 5]

|| CECILIA ||
#gifted @coffeehousepress
✍🏻
"Cecilia didn't move. Though the room was stabbed of light, her shadow lapped the floor licking up my ankles. From where did her shadow summon its water? She tilted her head, an unfamiliar motion. Cecilia's movements were never minor, and this slight angling was so foreign that for a second I was comforted, wondering if I mistaken someone else for her."
•
"I stood beside her. Cecilia's posture was so familiar to me: Head jutted slightly forward, eager to examine something. Hand hooking a strand of hair behind her ear. The rounded tip of her ear. The visible tendon snaking up the side of her neck. Even her pinkies were family. She was dressed this time in a dark puffer jacket and jeans, dark boots that made her taller than me. I'd always looked at her from above."
•
"My eyes locked to the knob at the back of Cecilia's neck, and I imagine my lips around it, twisting it open. As I walked behind her, I wondered if this counted as hunting or haunting her. Maybe she would say there's no difference between the two, except for teeth and tense."
•
Wow, this was a fantastic, surreal novella about obsessive queer love, desire, violence, metaphors, histories, and myths. Its erotic and fierce. I enjoyed Bestiary, have yet to read Organ Meats but K-Ming Chang is an auto read author for me now. She has taken speculative writing to a new level! This story is about Seven, who reencounters Cecilia, a woman who has obsessed her since they were in school. This chance meeting stimulates a series of vivid girlhood memories and I couldn't look away!


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[julita · Rating 3 out of 5]

lesbian book with extreme amounts of piss final boss. paradise rot has nothing on this. i enjoyed this; the stream of conciousness was very fitting for the content of this book, which is one woman’s obsession with another, all told through extreme metaphors. this was extremely hilarious at a lot of parts and i loved how wacky it was. my favorite part was when seven’s mother discovered a leaked sex tape and forwarded it to all of their neighbors and got a bunch of gifts from them all in return… LOL. i also liked how the mother was totally unhinged but not in an overtly abusive way, definitely bordering on abusive at times and did not have a healthy relationship with her daughter but they were kinda both just equally zany and cut from the same cloth. there was something really comforting about this book that i can’t quite put my finger on. the bodily descriptions and comparisons of humans and body parts to very grotesque things are all a gateway to describing growing up queer and how oppressive living in denial/being forced to deny your true identity is. i liked it!