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Oleander: An MM Great Expectations Reimagining
Caspien Deveraux is a poison. A lethal, beautiful poison that slid into my blood and wrapped itself around my heart. It took me years to realise that he hadn't been born like that. That he'd been cultivated and grown by a spiteful hand and a broken heart to destroy anyone stupid enough to fall in love with him. And I was stupid. I’d been a child when I’d learned how cold and cruel the world could be, and Caspien was the reason I never forgot that lesson. At first, I loathed him. Then, I loved him. And for years that battle has warred within me. Now, he says he needs me. Now, he says he loves me. But I’ve no intention of believing him – not this time. Never again. Now my heart is as cold and cruel as his - he made sure of it - and this time he’ll be the one who comes out of our war with scars.
545 pages, Paperback
First published June 1, 2024
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8446 people want to read
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February 9, 2025
Actual rating 4.5 stars.
I hate Caspien. I want to protect 15-year-old Caspein with my life. I loathe Caspien. I want to hug 19-year-old Caspien so bad. I despise him. Or …
Okay, put a couple of self-destructive people in a book, and I’ll probably love the story. I know, I know, most of you love sweetness and a guaranteed HEA. I love that too but have a soft spot for those fucked-up, toxic, and incredibly tense books, preferably gorgeously written. So yeah, that’s what Oleander is. Just like the plant. Looking beautiful, but also so dangerous.
After reading the prologue, I already knew I’d love this book. All those slivers of the past shining through, all that tension, and then all the hatred that suddenly disappeared.
I rooted for Jude and sometimes wanted to yell at him to stop caring about Caspien and instead start living. But even though he tried, he couldn’t. His scars constantly reopened, and his love for Cas seeped out of those wounds. At these moments, I hated Cas even more. And still …
I kept wondering why Cas did what he did. And I had my suspicions early on. D*mn, Cas, d*mm. Anger exploded inside my body when I found out I was right. I knew early on in the story he was 15 years old when it all started. A kid!
That last email from Jude to Cas broke me, but I also kept hope—hope that they’d both be alright in the end—because that is what those two guys deserved.
This book is written from Jude’s POV, but the last chapter is from Cas’ and I adored it.
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I hate Caspien. I want to protect 15-year-old Caspein with my life. I loathe Caspien. I want to hug 19-year-old Caspien so bad. I despise him. Or …
Okay, put a couple of self-destructive people in a book, and I’ll probably love the story. I know, I know, most of you love sweetness and a guaranteed HEA. I love that too but have a soft spot for those fucked-up, toxic, and incredibly tense books, preferably gorgeously written. So yeah, that’s what Oleander is. Just like the plant. Looking beautiful, but also so dangerous.
After reading the prologue, I already knew I’d love this book. All those slivers of the past shining through, all that tension, and then all the hatred that suddenly disappeared.
I rooted for Jude and sometimes wanted to yell at him to stop caring about Caspien and instead start living. But even though he tried, he couldn’t. His scars constantly reopened, and his love for Cas seeped out of those wounds. At these moments, I hated Cas even more. And still …
I kept wondering why Cas did what he did. And I had my suspicions early on. D*mn, Cas, d*mm. Anger exploded inside my body when I found out I was right. I knew early on in the story he was 15 years old when it all started. A kid!
That last email from Jude to Cas broke me, but I also kept hope—hope that they’d both be alright in the end—because that is what those two guys deserved.
This book is written from Jude’s POV, but the last chapter is from Cas’ and I adored it.
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March 7, 2026
“Love is often painful. I think it’s rather the very nature of it.”
I don’t know how to put into words how much this book has embedded itself into my soul. I have just cried and smiled for almost an hour after finishing this, trying to process… well everything 🥹 this review is going to be long but if you read this, I want you to know that my words truly can not do it justice.
Jude always wondered if he could remember what he was like before Caspien. Well I will always wonder what I was like before Jude and Caspien.
Their story is so beautiful, painful, raw, tragic and made my heart feel like it was bleeding. The angst had me feeling physically sick. I cannot breathe.
Jude’s determination to love Cas through everything says all you need to know about him. The way his whole life was woven around Cas, the way he yearned so intensely and the fact every time he got broken a little more, he put himself on the line again - knowing he would hurt more and more every time. It was nothing but pain and suffering to read him do this over and over again. He made me feel everything he went through, the heartbreak, the grief, the feeling of a soul being lost without ever thinking it would be whole again - truly gutting. As much as it hurt and I hated seeing him at his lowest, I always was quietly grateful, through all the suffering, that he kept Cas as his orbit. As much as it tore me apart and you saw how it consumed his life, I just needed him to keep getting back up. I’m not sure if everyone would feel that but I couldn’t help it.
For good or bad, I was tied, soul bound, to Caspien.
Cas is more complex in a way. His own ideas of himself and what others taught him to believe was not only hard to swallow sometimes but for me, I felt like I always knew destruction was in his path. Some people may struggle with him but I just felt so deeply for the ups and downs. I felt sick cause I just knew. I knew.
As Jude said, Cas was poison and an antidote. His vulnerability seeped very, very, veryyy slowly into the story, making his character feel more fragmented and for me, a type of character I wanted to explore deeply. The glimpses of his personality without the cruel facade and destruction, had me yearning for him to let himself be the person Jude saw him to be. In the end I partly hated what he did but it also broke me inside because of it.
He looked at me the same way he looked at the world, with warmth and wonder and curiosity. Jude gave life to everything around him, and I felt truly alive because he loved me.
Their love is complex, toxic, incredibly sad and their ending is VERY hard fought for, yet somehow deeply satisfying. I love these two with my whole entire heart and soul. The ferocity of the love and the yearning is something I couldn’t explain through something as simple as words.
The choice to tell this story through Jude’s POV was genius and made the epilogue hit so much harder. It also kept my anxiety at all time high. I truly felt like I was sitting down and listening to him tell me this tragic and breathtaking story in real time.
Another thing I wanted to mention was the emotional depth and connection to the side characters, who I also cried for.
Everyone deserves a Luke, a beautiful and selfless soul who showed support and love no matter what. His relationship with Judey was such a beautiful part of this story. I hope he is happy and thriving 🥹
I also cried for Nathan, which I didn’t expect. More so I just thought he was a really lovely person and I wanted him to find his own happiness. He gave Jude safety and love in a time when he needed to experience that, even if it would always never be where his heart lay.
This is not a typical love story or a traditional romance. It’s destructive & it’s heartbreaking. This is deeply complex characters going through a long and hard path together- and making decisions you want to scream over, cry over and then hug them closely after. But it’s also a masterpiece. It definitely won’t work for everyone but also, if it doesn’t then I can’t relate. Not once did I hate these two, even when choices were made with intent to hurt, there is something about it that made me feel almost lost to them and at the end I felt like I’d found my way home.
Also the prose in this is so, so beautiful, the lyrical way Scarlett told their story was beyond captivating and emotive. I felt so connected to the setting of this story too, I could vividly picture every moment throughout this book.
This easily became a favourite read of mine. I was pretty confident I would love this one to be honest, from what I had heard about it and what my friends Grace and Imbi had told me. (I actually knew, in real time, how much this one gutted Grace too when she read it.) I still ended up loving it far more than expected, even though I’d have shocked myself if I hadn’t loved it this much, I still don’t know how to explain how much I did love it. Lols. Anyway, if you’ve read this and loved it, I’m sure you’ll know what I mean.
I immediately ordered myself a physical trophy of this book because it’s so precious to me. If you read this one, I’m happy to hold your hand if you need it.
I have so many highlights it’s not funny but a few I really wanted to share.
’A jolt hammered my chest as his eyes locked with my own. I couldn’t make out their colour from where I sat, the sunlight pouring over his shoulder, blinding me. All at once, it was the most important thing in the world. The colour of his eyes.’
‘It was the first time I met Caspien Deveraux, and I loathed him with a passion I didn’t know I was capable of. And though I didn’t know it then, I’d soon come to love him with the very same ferocity.’
‘What I felt for Caspien was more bewildering, labyrinthine, and like a cryptic puzzle that changed and evolved every time we spoke. More adult, more serious, more frightening.’
‘Only I could love Caspien how he deserved to be loved. And so I would. I’d love him in spite of everything he was and everything I knew he could be. No matter what he did, no matter how much he hurt me, in this I would be constant. As long as Caspien Deveraux breathed, I would love him.’
‘And the terror and hopelessness I felt at having to live like that for the rest of my life, wanting and loving someone who was entirely incapable of wanting and loving me back, was the worst fucking thing imaginable.’
I don’t know how to put into words how much this book has embedded itself into my soul. I have just cried and smiled for almost an hour after finishing this, trying to process… well everything 🥹 this review is going to be long but if you read this, I want you to know that my words truly can not do it justice.
Jude always wondered if he could remember what he was like before Caspien. Well I will always wonder what I was like before Jude and Caspien.
Their story is so beautiful, painful, raw, tragic and made my heart feel like it was bleeding. The angst had me feeling physically sick. I cannot breathe.
Jude’s determination to love Cas through everything says all you need to know about him. The way his whole life was woven around Cas, the way he yearned so intensely and the fact every time he got broken a little more, he put himself on the line again - knowing he would hurt more and more every time. It was nothing but pain and suffering to read him do this over and over again. He made me feel everything he went through, the heartbreak, the grief, the feeling of a soul being lost without ever thinking it would be whole again - truly gutting. As much as it hurt and I hated seeing him at his lowest, I always was quietly grateful, through all the suffering, that he kept Cas as his orbit. As much as it tore me apart and you saw how it consumed his life, I just needed him to keep getting back up. I’m not sure if everyone would feel that but I couldn’t help it.
For good or bad, I was tied, soul bound, to Caspien.
Cas is more complex in a way. His own ideas of himself and what others taught him to believe was not only hard to swallow sometimes but for me, I felt like I always knew destruction was in his path. Some people may struggle with him but I just felt so deeply for the ups and downs. I felt sick cause I just knew. I knew.
As Jude said, Cas was poison and an antidote. His vulnerability seeped very, very, veryyy slowly into the story, making his character feel more fragmented and for me, a type of character I wanted to explore deeply. The glimpses of his personality without the cruel facade and destruction, had me yearning for him to let himself be the person Jude saw him to be. In the end I partly hated what he did but it also broke me inside because of it.
He looked at me the same way he looked at the world, with warmth and wonder and curiosity. Jude gave life to everything around him, and I felt truly alive because he loved me.
Their love is complex, toxic, incredibly sad and their ending is VERY hard fought for, yet somehow deeply satisfying. I love these two with my whole entire heart and soul. The ferocity of the love and the yearning is something I couldn’t explain through something as simple as words.
The choice to tell this story through Jude’s POV was genius and made the epilogue hit so much harder. It also kept my anxiety at all time high. I truly felt like I was sitting down and listening to him tell me this tragic and breathtaking story in real time.
Another thing I wanted to mention was the emotional depth and connection to the side characters, who I also cried for.
Everyone deserves a Luke, a beautiful and selfless soul who showed support and love no matter what. His relationship with Judey was such a beautiful part of this story. I hope he is happy and thriving 🥹
I also cried for Nathan, which I didn’t expect. More so I just thought he was a really lovely person and I wanted him to find his own happiness. He gave Jude safety and love in a time when he needed to experience that, even if it would always never be where his heart lay.
This is not a typical love story or a traditional romance. It’s destructive & it’s heartbreaking. This is deeply complex characters going through a long and hard path together- and making decisions you want to scream over, cry over and then hug them closely after. But it’s also a masterpiece. It definitely won’t work for everyone but also, if it doesn’t then I can’t relate. Not once did I hate these two, even when choices were made with intent to hurt, there is something about it that made me feel almost lost to them and at the end I felt like I’d found my way home.
Also the prose in this is so, so beautiful, the lyrical way Scarlett told their story was beyond captivating and emotive. I felt so connected to the setting of this story too, I could vividly picture every moment throughout this book.
This easily became a favourite read of mine. I was pretty confident I would love this one to be honest, from what I had heard about it and what my friends Grace and Imbi had told me. (I actually knew, in real time, how much this one gutted Grace too when she read it.) I still ended up loving it far more than expected, even though I’d have shocked myself if I hadn’t loved it this much, I still don’t know how to explain how much I did love it. Lols. Anyway, if you’ve read this and loved it, I’m sure you’ll know what I mean.
I immediately ordered myself a physical trophy of this book because it’s so precious to me. If you read this one, I’m happy to hold your hand if you need it.
I have so many highlights it’s not funny but a few I really wanted to share.
’A jolt hammered my chest as his eyes locked with my own. I couldn’t make out their colour from where I sat, the sunlight pouring over his shoulder, blinding me. All at once, it was the most important thing in the world. The colour of his eyes.’
‘It was the first time I met Caspien Deveraux, and I loathed him with a passion I didn’t know I was capable of. And though I didn’t know it then, I’d soon come to love him with the very same ferocity.’
‘What I felt for Caspien was more bewildering, labyrinthine, and like a cryptic puzzle that changed and evolved every time we spoke. More adult, more serious, more frightening.’
‘Only I could love Caspien how he deserved to be loved. And so I would. I’d love him in spite of everything he was and everything I knew he could be. No matter what he did, no matter how much he hurt me, in this I would be constant. As long as Caspien Deveraux breathed, I would love him.’
‘And the terror and hopelessness I felt at having to live like that for the rest of my life, wanting and loving someone who was entirely incapable of wanting and loving me back, was the worst fucking thing imaginable.’
February 4, 2025
Infinite stars, I feel like I cried and bled reading this incredible, beautiful, complicated, mesmerising, ethereal, poetic, poisonous, complexed and enthralling book. I absolutely adore this. I will treasure it forever. After four days I see that I wasn't equipped for the void after finishing this book... I don't think I ever will be...
I was reading this always on the verge of crying, angry, and desperate… An agony I didn’t know could come from reading… Physically aching but completely fulfilled in the end.
“I’m yours, Cas,” I told him. “You’re mine, and I’m yours. Always. Tell me you know that, tell me.”
“I know, Jude,” he replied, soothingly. “I know.”
Don’t get fooled by the beautiful words, because this is 90% hurt and 10% suffering comfort! But I wouldn’t change it for anything in the world!
Absolutely adore Luke, we need more altruistic and perfect people like him. Even in the end I don’t know what to think or feel about Gideon… I don’t think I could ever forgive him…
And so now, Caspien and Jude belong to me, I hold them like the most precious things 🖤
ps: to Scarlett Drake my complete surrender!
I was reading this always on the verge of crying, angry, and desperate… An agony I didn’t know could come from reading… Physically aching but completely fulfilled in the end.
“I’m yours, Cas,” I told him. “You’re mine, and I’m yours. Always. Tell me you know that, tell me.”
“I know, Jude,” he replied, soothingly. “I know.”
Don’t get fooled by the beautiful words, because this is 90% hurt and 10% suffering comfort! But I wouldn’t change it for anything in the world!
Absolutely adore Luke, we need more altruistic and perfect people like him. Even in the end I don’t know what to think or feel about Gideon… I don’t think I could ever forgive him…
And so now, Caspien and Jude belong to me, I hold them like the most precious things 🖤
ps: to Scarlett Drake my complete surrender!
May 24, 2024
Oleander is an epic story that is hard to put into words. Jude and Caspian go on a long journey where hearts break, misunderstandings run amok and devastation surrounds both characters. I loved how emotional this story was, going on this ride with Jude and Caspian. Their story is beautiful, and heartbreaking, while showing how soul mates may have impossible timing but to never lose hope.
Jude and Caspian are total opposites in personality and overall demeanor. Jude is warm, loving, friendly, and sunshine-personified, while Caspian is prickly, curt, complicated and outwardly cold. Together they go on an intense journey from a pseudo-friendship to enemies to a beautifully rewarding second chance.
Another wonderful aspect of this story is its lyrical prose. I loved how throughout reading I felt like I was reading a classic story, which perfectly fits with this story being a Great Expectations retelling. Caspian speaks eloquently and bluntly, while Jude is much softer and approachable. I thought it was an excellent choice to have the story only through Jude's POV. Jude is a wonderful narrator and seeing this world through his eyes is perfect and keeps a shroud of mystery as to the many truths of the situation.
Caspian is a complicated character. Throughout this story alongside Jude, I was frustrated, angry, and devastated at his choices, but his reveal, without any games or hidden meanings, is so rewarding and amplifies the story.
Overall I loved this story. It was challenging to go through all the pain and suffering, but so worth it for their eventual HEA, which is hard-won and beautifully executed.
*** I reviewed a complimentary copy of this story.***
Jude and Caspian are total opposites in personality and overall demeanor. Jude is warm, loving, friendly, and sunshine-personified, while Caspian is prickly, curt, complicated and outwardly cold. Together they go on an intense journey from a pseudo-friendship to enemies to a beautifully rewarding second chance.
Another wonderful aspect of this story is its lyrical prose. I loved how throughout reading I felt like I was reading a classic story, which perfectly fits with this story being a Great Expectations retelling. Caspian speaks eloquently and bluntly, while Jude is much softer and approachable. I thought it was an excellent choice to have the story only through Jude's POV. Jude is a wonderful narrator and seeing this world through his eyes is perfect and keeps a shroud of mystery as to the many truths of the situation.
Caspian is a complicated character. Throughout this story alongside Jude, I was frustrated, angry, and devastated at his choices, but his reveal, without any games or hidden meanings, is so rewarding and amplifies the story.
Overall I loved this story. It was challenging to go through all the pain and suffering, but so worth it for their eventual HEA, which is hard-won and beautifully executed.
*** I reviewed a complimentary copy of this story.***
March 20, 2026
I’d love him in spite of everything he was and everything I knew he could be. No matter what he did, no matter how much he hurt me, in this I would be constant.”
“As long as Caspien Deveraux breathed, I would love him.”
This book is the definition of someone loving you so selflessly that it is a detriment to himself.
It is the definition of someone choosing your happiness over his own even if it meant going through hell.
It is the definition of right person, wrong time.. again and again and again.
This is the most hard won HEA ever. It was such a long and painful road to their happiness💔 This wrung out every emotion from me; anger, frustration, sorrow, pity but so much love as well.
This book hurt.. but I loved it even more for that.
How horrible it is to feel like you're unworthy of love? To be dealt such a vicious hand in life to make you feel as though you deserve to be unhappy?💔
“There's not a soul alive who cares about me, Jude. This isn't bloody news to me." It didn't come out like he was looking for pity, but like some well-known fact he was tired of.”
Jude and Cas forever❤️🩹
______________________________________________
pre-read:
I haven't cried in a while (a few hours). Laura get ready for the crashouts😌
“As long as Caspien Deveraux breathed, I would love him.”
This book is the definition of someone loving you so selflessly that it is a detriment to himself.
It is the definition of someone choosing your happiness over his own even if it meant going through hell.
It is the definition of right person, wrong time.. again and again and again.
This is the most hard won HEA ever. It was such a long and painful road to their happiness💔 This wrung out every emotion from me; anger, frustration, sorrow, pity but so much love as well.
This book hurt.. but I loved it even more for that.
How horrible it is to feel like you're unworthy of love? To be dealt such a vicious hand in life to make you feel as though you deserve to be unhappy?💔
“There's not a soul alive who cares about me, Jude. This isn't bloody news to me." It didn't come out like he was looking for pity, but like some well-known fact he was tired of.”
Jude and Cas forever❤️🩹
______________________________________________
pre-read:
I haven't cried in a while (a few hours). Laura get ready for the crashouts😌
Read
January 16, 2026Suddenly, everyone was talking about this book and of course, I got excited and immediately started to read it. You know that feeling, when everyone loves the book, but you just don't? yeah, kinda sucks... i know.
!This review may contain spoilers, proceed at your own risk!
Well, this book is about a boy who becomes obsessed with another boy but turns out this boy couldn't care less about the other boy.
Honestly Caspien and Jude had 0 chemistry, their relationship felt forced and pretty much toxic. I lost count of the times when Jude would just humiliate himself so he could feelloved by Caspien... We definitely can't choose who we love, but no one should feel the need to beg for love.
I barely felt any development in the characters, they pretty much stay the same throughout the book. I think it would be so much better if they didn't end up together; Jude needed someone like Nathan, who was willing to show him eventually how he could be properly loved and Caspien would eventually find someone worth his love, after overcoming his own demons.
I don't know how that ending makes me feel tbh... it was a pretty bad excuse just to put them together.
!This review may contain spoilers, proceed at your own risk!
Well, this book is about a boy who becomes obsessed with another boy but turns out this boy couldn't care less about the other boy.
Honestly Caspien and Jude had 0 chemistry, their relationship felt forced and pretty much toxic. I lost count of the times when Jude would just humiliate himself so he could feel
I barely felt any development in the characters, they pretty much stay the same throughout the book. I think it would be so much better if they didn't end up together; Jude needed someone like Nathan, who was willing to show him eventually how he could be properly loved and Caspien would eventually find someone worth his love, after overcoming his own demons.
I don't know how that ending makes me feel tbh... it was a pretty bad excuse just to put them together.
September 12, 2024
You know how there are some books that just cut so aggressively to the emotional core of a person that you find yourself breathless? This was one of those books for me.
I loved this book and I loved Jude and his grand capacity for love despite what he has experienced. The way this book described that first, really devastating, soul crushing heart break and the process of recovering from it and how you are never quite the same person after it, of how you kind lose yourself in the madness of being something you don’t recognize, was actually kind of cathartic and I didn’t realise I needed to read it.
Jude relationship with Luke was actually also surprisingly lovely and I think it became one of my favourite elements of the book.
For a vibes check, this was giving me very Cruel Intentions but set in England and like maybe a sprinkling of Saltburn. I kind of think of this book as being Dark Academia adjacent. Whilst it didn’t have a direct academia focus, the setting and feature of Oxford and the sprawling Deveraux mansion and grounds was very significant throughout and put me in that mindset.
This book was so messy and toxic and complicated and I can imagine this wouldn’t be for everyone. The story spans over a 13 year period following the complicated relationship that exists between Cas and Jude and this includes their relationships with other people, but to me it was kind of perfect. I really am a tragically easy sell for queer vicious blonde sad boys and Cas is really the poster child for this archetype.
I didn’t expect the ending to come together the way it did and for me to find it so satisfying. I saw someone else mention this and felt it’s the perfect endorsement of how much I loved it, that despite this being on KU I will be purchasing a copy to keep forever.
(As an aside I would be curious to know if anyone else who has read this picked up modern au Drarry vibes or if it was just me? Cause it never left me throughout. I know that this was a Great Expectations retelling but I would love to know if there was elements of that too)
I loved this book and I loved Jude and his grand capacity for love despite what he has experienced. The way this book described that first, really devastating, soul crushing heart break and the process of recovering from it and how you are never quite the same person after it, of how you kind lose yourself in the madness of being something you don’t recognize, was actually kind of cathartic and I didn’t realise I needed to read it.
Jude relationship with Luke was actually also surprisingly lovely and I think it became one of my favourite elements of the book.
For a vibes check, this was giving me very Cruel Intentions but set in England and like maybe a sprinkling of Saltburn. I kind of think of this book as being Dark Academia adjacent. Whilst it didn’t have a direct academia focus, the setting and feature of Oxford and the sprawling Deveraux mansion and grounds was very significant throughout and put me in that mindset.
This book was so messy and toxic and complicated and I can imagine this wouldn’t be for everyone. The story spans over a 13 year period following the complicated relationship that exists between Cas and Jude and this includes their relationships with other people, but to me it was kind of perfect. I really am a tragically easy sell for queer vicious blonde sad boys and Cas is really the poster child for this archetype.
I didn’t expect the ending to come together the way it did and for me to find it so satisfying. I saw someone else mention this and felt it’s the perfect endorsement of how much I loved it, that despite this being on KU I will be purchasing a copy to keep forever.
(As an aside I would be curious to know if anyone else who has read this picked up modern au Drarry vibes or if it was just me? Cause it never left me throughout. I know that this was a Great Expectations retelling but I would love to know if there was elements of that too)
July 5, 2025
WHAT??!? NO GROVELING ????? You heard here first, NO FUCKING GROVELING!!!!! Unacceptable!!!
No I am not crying like most people, I AM ANGRY, FRUSTRATED and SECOND HANDED HUMILIATED!!!
Turns out I am a raging unforgivable hypocrite bitch because I would NOT forgive Cas and specially Gideon. I learned this about me reading some books, cheating is not something I would just forget about in name of happiness because I would never be able to be happy thinking the person have in themselves to be a traitor. And I also learned long ago that the “ignoring trope” is the one I HATE MOST in books, the “up and leave” thing that authors insist is a good thing to do, it is really not. Obviously I’ve read MANY books with cheating and the ignoring trope and the “up and leave” thing and rated them 5⭐️ but for sure they didn’t have doormats as main characters and for sure there was a great deal of groveling and suffering for than to be a HEA ! See ? I am a hypocrite bitch after all and I am not sorry! 😂
Honestly I thought about making this review public but I have so much to rant about it that I don’t want people complaining about spoilers because it will be spoilers, I just can’t help myself.
This book is basically a manual of how relationships shouldn’t be and I would use this book as explanations on self respect, pride and self love.
So the story is centered on Jude and Caspien. Jude is this warm loving and trusting boy who’s an orphan and is being raised by his uncle Luke aka THE ONLY good person in this book, and his sister aka a discardable nothing character. Jude is a dreamer and he meets Cas as his uncle starts working as a gardener in Gideon’s mansion, Jude is immediately attracted to Cas who’s a cold unlikable person, for no reason whatsoever Jude starts to love Cas and when I say no reason I mean it, because Cas is cold, mean, cruel, a liar and turns out he was cheating on him from the very beginning. And the only reason Jude ever has to love Cas it’s because he is so beautiful. Really? But where is the beauty in his personality and cold cruel heart? How vain and shallow this reason for love is?
All this blame that in the end of the book was put solely on Gideon’s and Xavier’s shoulders wasn’t realistic, sure they should be blamed as groomers and fucking horrible people but truly 90% of the blame falls squarely on Cas’s shoulders, he was 15 when all started but as was immensely described in the book, he was exceptionally smart, an old soul, worldly and had many experiences, he wasn’t an innocent inexperienced boy like Jude was. No, Cas was cruel for the sake of being cruel. He lied to Jude from the beginning about Xavier “the abusive pedophile” and he chose him over and over throughout the entire book for YEARS. He said so many times and despite the later reason being “protection “ the beginning was NOT and to me there is the issue.
Jude is another problem for me because HE SAW WITH HIS OWN EYES Cas IN BED fucking Xavier and Cas didn’t even looked sorry nor conflicted about it. He even says that Jude was acting like a child and that he lied to him because Jude was threatening him, he basically tells Jude to get over it. So what Jude does ? The completely opposite and proceeds to be a little cry baby and complain about Cas , not for a day, a month or a year, nooooooooooo he is a whine little bitch for a decade. I do hate Cas with all that it’s in me but he never lead Jude on, Jude was the one pining after a distant cold cruel little bitch who chose the other guy over and over. How many times one have to say to your face they don’t want you and how many times one have to leave you for you to understand that they ACTUALLY truly don’t want you or at least don’t deserve you ! And Jude’s explanation was that he was Jude and Jude loves Cas unconditionally! Oh fuck off ! I wasn’t crying like everyone else reading this book, I was ANGRY, FRUSTRATED, SECOND HANDED HUMILIATED and PUZZLED about the overwhelmingly 5⭐️ for this book. Yes I do mainly read dark romances and there is cheating a lot times, but it’s mostly between enemies and the dark themes are always very much explored. Here the characters are stagnant the entire book, there’s no growth and no development, where they start at the age of 15 is basically where they end personality wise at the age of 28 , it would’ve maybe make me like Cas more if I got his POV and saw the situation through his eyes , but no this book is single POV. Cas is actually absent for 90% of the book, again WHAT? He is a main character that is not even in the book, he was talked about it by Jude and Gideon but not there, Gideon was way more present than Cas, fuck even Cas’s cousin was more present than Cas himself. So this also didn’t help the fury I feel towards him. Also after all the book time jumps 8 years and in the end Cas has been divorced, yep you read it correctly, he went and MARRIED his pedophile abuser choosing him once more in a final fatal blow to Jude’s non pride. But yes his been divorced for TWO FUCKING YEARS and didn’t go after Jude! WHAT???? This book doesn’t even have a good old soul cleansing groveling!!!!! This book could’ve have been better if the grooming, manipulation and abuse was explored, after all Cas was 15 to start with, but it wasn’t and that was a golden opportunity that was missed because it would’ve made the book at least a 3⭐️ for me. Believe me when I say that if you want to lose faith in love than you read this, because turns out Cas has been right the whole time by not believing he deserved love , because he truly didn’t! He should’ve end up alone and rich since the money was also a big factor in his decisions, just like his uncle. And Jude should’ve end up loved and happy with Nathan !
This book WAS NOT IT for me ! And I am fucking angry because this is the second MM book this month that I hated and I LOVE my MM books 😭😩😭😩😭
The more I think about this the more I have to add to my anger review, because the author is fixated on cheating because WHY THE HELL she made Jude’s sister cheat on Luke ? Luke was the GREATEST and they were not even main characters, so why do this ????? Just for the heck of ? ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS!!!!
No I am not crying like most people, I AM ANGRY, FRUSTRATED and SECOND HANDED HUMILIATED!!!
Turns out I am a raging unforgivable hypocrite bitch because I would NOT forgive Cas and specially Gideon. I learned this about me reading some books, cheating is not something I would just forget about in name of happiness because I would never be able to be happy thinking the person have in themselves to be a traitor. And I also learned long ago that the “ignoring trope” is the one I HATE MOST in books, the “up and leave” thing that authors insist is a good thing to do, it is really not. Obviously I’ve read MANY books with cheating and the ignoring trope and the “up and leave” thing and rated them 5⭐️ but for sure they didn’t have doormats as main characters and for sure there was a great deal of groveling and suffering for than to be a HEA ! See ? I am a hypocrite bitch after all and I am not sorry! 😂
Honestly I thought about making this review public but I have so much to rant about it that I don’t want people complaining about spoilers because it will be spoilers, I just can’t help myself.
This book is basically a manual of how relationships shouldn’t be and I would use this book as explanations on self respect, pride and self love.
So the story is centered on Jude and Caspien. Jude is this warm loving and trusting boy who’s an orphan and is being raised by his uncle Luke aka THE ONLY good person in this book, and his sister aka a discardable nothing character. Jude is a dreamer and he meets Cas as his uncle starts working as a gardener in Gideon’s mansion, Jude is immediately attracted to Cas who’s a cold unlikable person, for no reason whatsoever Jude starts to love Cas and when I say no reason I mean it, because Cas is cold, mean, cruel, a liar and turns out he was cheating on him from the very beginning. And the only reason Jude ever has to love Cas it’s because he is so beautiful. Really? But where is the beauty in his personality and cold cruel heart? How vain and shallow this reason for love is?
All this blame that in the end of the book was put solely on Gideon’s and Xavier’s shoulders wasn’t realistic, sure they should be blamed as groomers and fucking horrible people but truly 90% of the blame falls squarely on Cas’s shoulders, he was 15 when all started but as was immensely described in the book, he was exceptionally smart, an old soul, worldly and had many experiences, he wasn’t an innocent inexperienced boy like Jude was. No, Cas was cruel for the sake of being cruel. He lied to Jude from the beginning about Xavier “the abusive pedophile” and he chose him over and over throughout the entire book for YEARS. He said so many times and despite the later reason being “protection “ the beginning was NOT and to me there is the issue.
Jude is another problem for me because HE SAW WITH HIS OWN EYES Cas IN BED fucking Xavier and Cas didn’t even looked sorry nor conflicted about it. He even says that Jude was acting like a child and that he lied to him because Jude was threatening him, he basically tells Jude to get over it. So what Jude does ? The completely opposite and proceeds to be a little cry baby and complain about Cas , not for a day, a month or a year, nooooooooooo he is a whine little bitch for a decade. I do hate Cas with all that it’s in me but he never lead Jude on, Jude was the one pining after a distant cold cruel little bitch who chose the other guy over and over. How many times one have to say to your face they don’t want you and how many times one have to leave you for you to understand that they ACTUALLY truly don’t want you or at least don’t deserve you ! And Jude’s explanation was that he was Jude and Jude loves Cas unconditionally! Oh fuck off ! I wasn’t crying like everyone else reading this book, I was ANGRY, FRUSTRATED, SECOND HANDED HUMILIATED and PUZZLED about the overwhelmingly 5⭐️ for this book. Yes I do mainly read dark romances and there is cheating a lot times, but it’s mostly between enemies and the dark themes are always very much explored. Here the characters are stagnant the entire book, there’s no growth and no development, where they start at the age of 15 is basically where they end personality wise at the age of 28 , it would’ve maybe make me like Cas more if I got his POV and saw the situation through his eyes , but no this book is single POV. Cas is actually absent for 90% of the book, again WHAT? He is a main character that is not even in the book, he was talked about it by Jude and Gideon but not there, Gideon was way more present than Cas, fuck even Cas’s cousin was more present than Cas himself. So this also didn’t help the fury I feel towards him. Also after all the book time jumps 8 years and in the end Cas has been divorced, yep you read it correctly, he went and MARRIED his pedophile abuser choosing him once more in a final fatal blow to Jude’s non pride. But yes his been divorced for TWO FUCKING YEARS and didn’t go after Jude! WHAT???? This book doesn’t even have a good old soul cleansing groveling!!!!! This book could’ve have been better if the grooming, manipulation and abuse was explored, after all Cas was 15 to start with, but it wasn’t and that was a golden opportunity that was missed because it would’ve made the book at least a 3⭐️ for me. Believe me when I say that if you want to lose faith in love than you read this, because turns out Cas has been right the whole time by not believing he deserved love , because he truly didn’t! He should’ve end up alone and rich since the money was also a big factor in his decisions, just like his uncle. And Jude should’ve end up loved and happy with Nathan !
This book WAS NOT IT for me ! And I am fucking angry because this is the second MM book this month that I hated and I LOVE my MM books 😭😩😭😩😭
The more I think about this the more I have to add to my anger review, because the author is fixated on cheating because WHY THE HELL she made Jude’s sister cheat on Luke ? Luke was the GREATEST and they were not even main characters, so why do this ????? Just for the heck of ? ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS!!!!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 22, 2026
The coming of age aspect of this book was really interesting to me and had me hooked, until a trauma bomb was essentially thrown at me. It’s not easy to offend me and I’m not overly sensitive, but I can’t get over the way traumatic subjects were introduced in this book. If a content warning is going to be a spoiler to the story, list them in the book but put a page before to let people know the content warnings are there and may spoil it, or list them in the back. The reader can choose to skip them completely, or skim over them looking for their particular trigger - something I do with every book because I only have two triggers, but they’re huge ones.
Instead this author relied on an external hyperlink…in an ebook that I was reading on a kindle with a notoriously bad web browser. I don’t have an old kindle and it’s unreliable at best, impossible at worst to get the web browser to work. I just found that irresponsible, especially because the precursor to clicking the link for more detail on the content warning only alludes to issues of a mature / sexual nature:
“The material in this book is for mature audiences only and contains graphic content and themes of an adult nature. It is intended only for those aged 18 and older”
Miscarriage, stillbirth and the loss of a child does not only happen to people older than 18, neither does grooming or child sex abuse . Yet these were not hinted at and I’d say are hugely triggering situations. Try putting yourself in the shoes of someone who has experienced either miscarriage, stillbirth or child loss and then getting to 30% of a book and being slapped in the face with it when you have no clue it’s coming because it wasn’t even remotely hinted at. Put yourself in the shoes of someone who has been groomed and abused as a child and then have it appear from nowhere…. It honestly put me off this author and I don’t want to read anymore of their books.
Another unpopular opinion probably, but I hated Caspien the whole way through, even at the end. It romanticised choosing money over love, and he put Jude through way too much for me to believe he cared about him at all, let alone loved him. Throwing money at something doesn’t mean you love someone, and coming back at the end of the book to say that everything Jude suffered through for over a decade was because he loved him… fuck off with that bullshit!
But Jude just accepted the way Cas treated him and he sabotaged his own life when he refused to move on, so by the end I didn’t like Jude either. My honest thought was that he seriously needed some counselling to work on self-esteem and self-worth.
If I remove all of the stuff I hated, and just focus on the story, then yes, I liked it and I felt an emotional bond to Jude throughout his journey from teenage boy to adult man. I cried a lot for him throughout his story, but ultimately I had no respect for him and I didn’t think they should be together. I’m also sure that my opinion on them wouldn’t change if there had been adequate trigger warnings either, but I probably would have rated it 4 stars rather than 3.
Instead this author relied on an external hyperlink…in an ebook that I was reading on a kindle with a notoriously bad web browser. I don’t have an old kindle and it’s unreliable at best, impossible at worst to get the web browser to work. I just found that irresponsible, especially because the precursor to clicking the link for more detail on the content warning only alludes to issues of a mature / sexual nature:
“The material in this book is for mature audiences only and contains graphic content and themes of an adult nature. It is intended only for those aged 18 and older”
Miscarriage, stillbirth and the loss of a child does not only happen to people older than 18, neither does grooming or child sex abuse . Yet these were not hinted at and I’d say are hugely triggering situations. Try putting yourself in the shoes of someone who has experienced either miscarriage, stillbirth or child loss and then getting to 30% of a book and being slapped in the face with it when you have no clue it’s coming because it wasn’t even remotely hinted at. Put yourself in the shoes of someone who has been groomed and abused as a child and then have it appear from nowhere…. It honestly put me off this author and I don’t want to read anymore of their books.
Another unpopular opinion probably, but I hated Caspien the whole way through, even at the end. It romanticised choosing money over love, and he put Jude through way too much for me to believe he cared about him at all, let alone loved him. Throwing money at something doesn’t mean you love someone, and coming back at the end of the book to say that everything Jude suffered through for over a decade was because he loved him… fuck off with that bullshit!
But Jude just accepted the way Cas treated him and he sabotaged his own life when he refused to move on, so by the end I didn’t like Jude either. My honest thought was that he seriously needed some counselling to work on self-esteem and self-worth.
If I remove all of the stuff I hated, and just focus on the story, then yes, I liked it and I felt an emotional bond to Jude throughout his journey from teenage boy to adult man. I cried a lot for him throughout his story, but ultimately I had no respect for him and I didn’t think they should be together. I’m also sure that my opinion on them wouldn’t change if there had been adequate trigger warnings either, but I probably would have rated it 4 stars rather than 3.
July 27, 2024
I read this book on KU and then purchased it. That's really all I need to say, but I'll say a little more. This is the book I've been searching for since finishing Every Breath After: Part 1. An angsty coming of age story spanning a decade filled with painful encounters, failed attempts to move on and so much pining. It reminded me of some of my favorite series - Captive Prince, The Heart Rate of a Mouse, Lost Boys, Between the Teeth, Baron & Eddie. It was gut punch after gut punch and it called to the masochistic reader inside of me who can't help but want a love story that hurts. This was one of the best new releases I've read so far this year and one of the best books I've ever read overall.
There are things in this book that I know some MM romance readers won't like - cheating, an MF relationship, sex with other people. For me, context is everything and none of those things bothered me in this story. Jude and Cas were flawed characters. I wasn't supposed to believe they weren't. They were kids trying to act like adults and making a mess of it. They both made me want to scream numerous times. Cas made me feel like I had to constantly read between the lines. Jude made me want to pull him to the side and tell him to stop giving so much of himself away. They tested my patience and they broke my heart and they kept me up past my bedtime and I wouldn't change a thing. I loved this book and highly recommend it to all of my fellow masochistic MM romance readers. Yes, it's long, but I would have happily read another 200+ pages about these characters.
There are things in this book that I know some MM romance readers won't like - cheating, an MF relationship, sex with other people. For me, context is everything and none of those things bothered me in this story. Jude and Cas were flawed characters. I wasn't supposed to believe they weren't. They were kids trying to act like adults and making a mess of it. They both made me want to scream numerous times. Cas made me feel like I had to constantly read between the lines. Jude made me want to pull him to the side and tell him to stop giving so much of himself away. They tested my patience and they broke my heart and they kept me up past my bedtime and I wouldn't change a thing. I loved this book and highly recommend it to all of my fellow masochistic MM romance readers. Yes, it's long, but I would have happily read another 200+ pages about these characters.
December 19, 2025
♾️🌟 it’s been over a month since I read this and I still think about it every single day. I will absolutely defend it with my life and any slander will make me physically ill so I cannot & will not ever hear it. Bye. Unfortunately, this is one of those times where I’m like if you didn’t like this, you didn’t get it and you’re wrong. I’m really sorry, but I do make the rules so
“It was the first time I met Caspien Deveraux, and I loathed him with a passion I didn’t know I was capable of. And though I didn’t know it then, I’d soon come to love him with the very same ferocity.”
This absolutely devastated me. I mean, god, this was ACHINGLY beautiful and so unbelievably PAINFUL. An epic romantic tragedy that will stay with me forever.
I want to be clear, this is definitely notttt your typical romance read. Like I said, I would consider it more along the lines of a romantic tragedy (with a hea) than anything else.
I knew from the prologue this would be at least 5 stars and I’m happy to say I was right. And from that very moment, I couldn’t put it down.
I only had one Goodreads friend that had read this book (shoutout @bookluvr🥰), so I didn’t have much to go off of. I had not a single clue what this book was about, other than the fact that it was MM and sure to leave you sobbing.
And boy did it deliver 🥲
I was absolutely SUFFERING for 90% of the book. Jude’s yearning & pain absolutely did me in. The desolation that is woven through these characters and their stories was actually detrimental to my health for the past 24 hours. I truly was sick to my stomach, crying, so heartbroken over what happens in this story and to these characters. The betrayals, the manipulation, the heartbreak…. It felt like hell. There’s literally well over 100 quotes I could post here that would obliterate your heart into a million tiny pieces🥲
Jude’s pov was gut-wrenching to be in. Like I’m not exaggerating in the slightest. His heartbreak was like a knife to the chest, repeatedly. I felt like I was put in his shoes and experiencing everything he was feeling first hand. I could feel every ounce of heartache, yearning, and agonizing pain he was going through. I was sobbing and sobbing in my room along with him.
This is also why I think that the author’s choice to make this single POV was so purposeful and absolutely necessary. Jude was the most incredible narrator and I can’t imagine the story being the same had it been anything or anyone else. For one, single pov ups the angst level to an excruciating level and dual pov would’ve revealed way too much.
The back and forth feelings I felt towards Caspien were volatile. I loved him, then I hated him, then I wanted to hug him. I felt like I was on a never ending cycle of that + pain. When things began to click together for me about what was going on, I was gutted. Devastated doesn’t begin to cover it.
The layers & depth to these characters was incredible. They were complex and sometimes you had to read between the lines a bit. Even when you wanted to throw the book into a wall and scream. I won’t say anything else because I don’t want to get spoilery.
I also loved that Caspien & Jude felt like complete opposites to one another. Though they were the same age, Caspien was so blunt and hardened, while Jude was child-like and warm. More than just these two, I think it was done as an intentional antithesis between other characters as well, to show contrast and how drastically different two people/situations can turn out. There were absolutely characters in this book that made me sick to my stomach so be ready for that.
This isn’t structured like you’d typically expect from any other story, being that the conflicts and flow are not linear. I did really loved that this read like classical literature. The writing prose in this? Jesus, it was so stunning. I was absolutely in awe. I made well over 100 highlights in this book and nearly every single one was a full paragraph in length.
I’m sure you’ll find that it says in many reviews that this was a hard-fought HEA and they’re damn right. I was also fighting for my life LOL.
There were many points I didn’t see a light at the end of the tunnel and it made the journey that much more painful. But to me, the reward of the ending was worth it. There’s something really special about these kinds of books that aren’t linear-they are messy, tense, heartbreaking, and toxic, but the reward always feels so great. Do I think this is for everyone? Probably not. But it definitely was for me.
The epilogue was in Cas’s POV and I loved it. I cried (obviously), but this time, I cried with a big ass smile on my face. FINALLY😭
Cas & Jude are soulmates so deeply made for each other. Soulmates that find their way, despite even themselves.
Normally, this is where I’d add a bunch of my favorite quotes, but guys we’d be here all night. There’s just too many 😭 And I also don’t want to spoil anything. So I’ll leave you here with just different ones at random:
“Only I could love Caspien how he deserved to be loved. And so I would. I’d love him in spite of everything he was and everything I knew he could be. No matter what he did, no matter how much he hurt me, in this I would be constant. As long as Caspien Deveraux breathed, I would love him.”
“I’m certain if I strain my ears hard enough, I’ll hear his voice somewhere. Certain that if I inhale deeply, I’ll still be able to smell him. He lives and breathes in these walls still, and I can’t fucking bear it.”
“The thing that scared me most was that I was going to belong to him like this forever. He’d carved out a part of my heart and soul for himself and nothing except him would be able to fit inside it. It was him or it was nothing. It was him.”
“From pleasure and fear and the overwhelming sensation that I was nothing unless I was allowed to be this to him. Have this with him. I could not imagine a life outside of this. It would be as void and empty as death itself.”
“The intensity of my feelings for him in that moment, so acute and unyielding, transcended everything that had come before. He was still the boy I’d loved three, four summers ago, but that love had matured inside me like wine in a barrel, and it was more robust and vinous than it had ever been.”
“Nothing existed when Caspien was next to me; it had always been that way. I needed nothing else, wanted nothing else, and I never felt as whole or as completely alive in the world as I did when he was with me.”
Easily a top read for me this year and now is now offically my 170 book of this year 🩷
“It was the first time I met Caspien Deveraux, and I loathed him with a passion I didn’t know I was capable of. And though I didn’t know it then, I’d soon come to love him with the very same ferocity.”
This absolutely devastated me. I mean, god, this was ACHINGLY beautiful and so unbelievably PAINFUL. An epic romantic tragedy that will stay with me forever.
I want to be clear, this is definitely notttt your typical romance read. Like I said, I would consider it more along the lines of a romantic tragedy (with a hea) than anything else.
I knew from the prologue this would be at least 5 stars and I’m happy to say I was right. And from that very moment, I couldn’t put it down.
I only had one Goodreads friend that had read this book (shoutout @bookluvr🥰), so I didn’t have much to go off of. I had not a single clue what this book was about, other than the fact that it was MM and sure to leave you sobbing.
And boy did it deliver 🥲
I was absolutely SUFFERING for 90% of the book. Jude’s yearning & pain absolutely did me in. The desolation that is woven through these characters and their stories was actually detrimental to my health for the past 24 hours. I truly was sick to my stomach, crying, so heartbroken over what happens in this story and to these characters. The betrayals, the manipulation, the heartbreak…. It felt like hell. There’s literally well over 100 quotes I could post here that would obliterate your heart into a million tiny pieces🥲
Jude’s pov was gut-wrenching to be in. Like I’m not exaggerating in the slightest. His heartbreak was like a knife to the chest, repeatedly. I felt like I was put in his shoes and experiencing everything he was feeling first hand. I could feel every ounce of heartache, yearning, and agonizing pain he was going through. I was sobbing and sobbing in my room along with him.
This is also why I think that the author’s choice to make this single POV was so purposeful and absolutely necessary. Jude was the most incredible narrator and I can’t imagine the story being the same had it been anything or anyone else. For one, single pov ups the angst level to an excruciating level and dual pov would’ve revealed way too much.
The back and forth feelings I felt towards Caspien were volatile. I loved him, then I hated him, then I wanted to hug him. I felt like I was on a never ending cycle of that + pain. When things began to click together for me about what was going on, I was gutted. Devastated doesn’t begin to cover it.
The layers & depth to these characters was incredible. They were complex and sometimes you had to read between the lines a bit. Even when you wanted to throw the book into a wall and scream. I won’t say anything else because I don’t want to get spoilery.
I also loved that Caspien & Jude felt like complete opposites to one another. Though they were the same age, Caspien was so blunt and hardened, while Jude was child-like and warm. More than just these two, I think it was done as an intentional antithesis between other characters as well, to show contrast and how drastically different two people/situations can turn out. There were absolutely characters in this book that made me sick to my stomach so be ready for that.
This isn’t structured like you’d typically expect from any other story, being that the conflicts and flow are not linear. I did really loved that this read like classical literature. The writing prose in this? Jesus, it was so stunning. I was absolutely in awe. I made well over 100 highlights in this book and nearly every single one was a full paragraph in length.
I’m sure you’ll find that it says in many reviews that this was a hard-fought HEA and they’re damn right. I was also fighting for my life LOL.
There were many points I didn’t see a light at the end of the tunnel and it made the journey that much more painful. But to me, the reward of the ending was worth it. There’s something really special about these kinds of books that aren’t linear-they are messy, tense, heartbreaking, and toxic, but the reward always feels so great. Do I think this is for everyone? Probably not. But it definitely was for me.
The epilogue was in Cas’s POV and I loved it. I cried (obviously), but this time, I cried with a big ass smile on my face. FINALLY😭
Cas & Jude are soulmates so deeply made for each other. Soulmates that find their way, despite even themselves.
Normally, this is where I’d add a bunch of my favorite quotes, but guys we’d be here all night. There’s just too many 😭 And I also don’t want to spoil anything. So I’ll leave you here with just different ones at random:
“Only I could love Caspien how he deserved to be loved. And so I would. I’d love him in spite of everything he was and everything I knew he could be. No matter what he did, no matter how much he hurt me, in this I would be constant. As long as Caspien Deveraux breathed, I would love him.”
“I’m certain if I strain my ears hard enough, I’ll hear his voice somewhere. Certain that if I inhale deeply, I’ll still be able to smell him. He lives and breathes in these walls still, and I can’t fucking bear it.”
“The thing that scared me most was that I was going to belong to him like this forever. He’d carved out a part of my heart and soul for himself and nothing except him would be able to fit inside it. It was him or it was nothing. It was him.”
“From pleasure and fear and the overwhelming sensation that I was nothing unless I was allowed to be this to him. Have this with him. I could not imagine a life outside of this. It would be as void and empty as death itself.”
“The intensity of my feelings for him in that moment, so acute and unyielding, transcended everything that had come before. He was still the boy I’d loved three, four summers ago, but that love had matured inside me like wine in a barrel, and it was more robust and vinous than it had ever been.”
“Nothing existed when Caspien was next to me; it had always been that way. I needed nothing else, wanted nothing else, and I never felt as whole or as completely alive in the world as I did when he was with me.”
Easily a top read for me this year and now is now offically my 170 book of this year 🩷
November 10, 2024
I know what I'm supposed to feel by the end of this, but I can't help not feeling it. So I'm just going to put my thoughts about this into words in the order I had them while I read it.
“One day you’ll look back on this moment and hate me so much for it that you won’t be able to fucking look at me.”
Not only did Jude neverrrrr get to this moment, he never really even hated Cas. And for the life of me, I can't figure out why.
Jude reminds me of Far From The Madding Crowd's Gabriel Oak. And not in a good way, though to be fair, I don't know if there's a good way to be reminded of Oak.
You know those MCs that take so much shit that at first you feel incredibly sorry for them for their shit luck, but the pattern continues and they never once stand up for themselves and it gets to a point where you lose all respect for them, past, present and future?
That's how I feel about Jude.
I've called people down bad before but this was a discovery. I was not familiar with this level of pathetic.
It got to a point where whenever Cas showed up, I'd tense in anticipation of the pain that was sure to follow.
“And you’re just as gullible as you always were.”.....coming from a man that's consistently hurt you in unthinkable ways would have been my 13th reason because WHAT? I needed Jude to stand up just once in his godforsaken life.
But...
'What was one more battle scar on my heart when the war was this glorious?'
Yeahhhhhh this guy couldn't be helped. It got to a point where I was pulling out my hair because SURELY no sane person could let it get this bad??? Like there was no threshold below which his pride kicked in.
He had the kind of love for Cas that you hope you or anyone you love never feels about anyone. Oleander was an apt title for this because the feelings here were a toxic poisonous thing.
And I'm mostly mad because I read romance for the happy feels. But there was nothing happy about this.
Just one guy taking a LOTTTTTT of hits, and building himself back up just enough for the other guy to come take it out on him a little more. And again. And again.
And again. I kid you not. It was THAT bad.
He declared his love so fervently, so vehemently, all the time. Almost as though he thought if he just loved him hard enough , it would be enough to keep both of them afloat.
It wasn't. Not once. He just drowned (alone, mind you) each and every time.
So the thing is, I know the last 20% of this was meant to be this perspective shifting hail Mary on Cas' justifications and intentions.
I don't buy it, sorry.
You know when one MC does something so heinous that you're almost giddy with excitement to discover how the author redeems him to get you rooting for him? For them? I love that shift. Usually.
I didn't get it here.
Cas was so incredibly mean and careless with Jude that even with the revelations, I couldn't quite root for him.
It's not just that I don't buy the whole 'thing' we're supposed to believe a selfish, self-centered sixteen year old had the mind to do. I mean, I don't buy it — it's not really in line with the rest of what we know of Cas. And I guess that's supposed to make it even more endearing but I digress.
It's not just that. It's the fact that even when he did it, it wasn't out of love. That whole spiel with Gideon making a huge deal talking about 'He chose you'...... No the fuck he didn't.
Cas chose himself then, just as he had always done prior. And he admits to that too.
He said he did it because he couldn't have chosen Jude then, and he would have broken his heart regardless.
Like Cas himself admits, what happened later couldn't have been predicted, so he doesn't get credit for what he did at 16. So that's one heartbreak entirely Cas' fault.
Yes. I'm keeping count. And, hell, I'll be generous and leave out all the tiny baby heartbreaks that Jude put up with before then because those were there too. But both were 15 so I'll give a discount on that. I'm magnanimous like that.
Next. Oxford. Finlay's birthday. Yet another day, another story of Cas choosing himself and his wants over Jude's. But you know, by this time, I'd started to kind of get over the whole forever love thing Jude was selling himself.
At some point, it's on you.
He could have had Finlay. Sweet, ready to meet him halfway Finlay.
He could have had Nathan. Older, wiser, willing to meet him more than halfway. Open to loving him the way he deserved to be loved.
I think after Nathan is when I gave up on Jude. You can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved.
Then London happened. The end of the London debacle is the only time I'll give Cas a pass. It's the only time in this long story that his actions made sense and were clearly selfless, misguided though they were.
But the last 20% failed to land him as a redeemable MC for me. And I get that this may be an unpopular take because of what we discovered after London.
I get his trauma. I do. I'm not an emotionless monster. I GET that he had a lot going on. He was going through a lot of shitty things. Fine. But HE was the shitty thing in Jude's story.
And clearly Jude can get past that, but I couldn't. I don't think it's the kind of romance that I can root for.
A happy ending for these two in my estimation was at the point of the long separation. Cas got out of his.......situation and was fine. Jude finally saying enough is enough and meaning it. For once in his bloody life.
Until he didn't. Mean it. 8 years on the wagon and then what. More Cas. I want to understand. I really did but.......Cas was the prize?
Sometimes the capacity for forgiveness people exhibit in romance novels is astonishing because I can't even imagine it.
I get Jude knowing Cas is the love of his life. I really do. Especially after London. Probably felt they were star-crossed lovers or some shit. Should have stayed that way.
I would have maybe grudgingly rooted for them if Cas had made a single overture first. At any one point.
Even when he had that two year window to get one thing right, he never did. This is why I'm so annoyed by the 'Cas chose you' revisionism because Cas didn't. Not once.
Half a time maybe. At 16. And that wasn't choosing Jude. That was a buyout clause, to put it bluntly. Thanks for your service. Severance, if you must.
This entire book is an argument for the fact that if you decide to be an 'understanding boyfriend', more often than not, people will give you things to understand.
5* because I loved this book and I loved how it broke my heart even though I'm vehemently opposed to the ending.
“One day you’ll look back on this moment and hate me so much for it that you won’t be able to fucking look at me.”
Not only did Jude neverrrrr get to this moment, he never really even hated Cas. And for the life of me, I can't figure out why.
Jude reminds me of Far From The Madding Crowd's Gabriel Oak. And not in a good way, though to be fair, I don't know if there's a good way to be reminded of Oak.
You know those MCs that take so much shit that at first you feel incredibly sorry for them for their shit luck, but the pattern continues and they never once stand up for themselves and it gets to a point where you lose all respect for them, past, present and future?
That's how I feel about Jude.
I've called people down bad before but this was a discovery. I was not familiar with this level of pathetic.
It got to a point where whenever Cas showed up, I'd tense in anticipation of the pain that was sure to follow.
“And you’re just as gullible as you always were.”.....coming from a man that's consistently hurt you in unthinkable ways would have been my 13th reason because WHAT? I needed Jude to stand up just once in his godforsaken life.
But...
'What was one more battle scar on my heart when the war was this glorious?'
Yeahhhhhh this guy couldn't be helped. It got to a point where I was pulling out my hair because SURELY no sane person could let it get this bad??? Like there was no threshold below which his pride kicked in.
He had the kind of love for Cas that you hope you or anyone you love never feels about anyone. Oleander was an apt title for this because the feelings here were a toxic poisonous thing.
And I'm mostly mad because I read romance for the happy feels. But there was nothing happy about this.
Just one guy taking a LOTTTTTT of hits, and building himself back up just enough for the other guy to come take it out on him a little more. And again. And again.
And again. I kid you not. It was THAT bad.
He declared his love so fervently, so vehemently, all the time. Almost as though he thought if he just loved him hard enough , it would be enough to keep both of them afloat.
It wasn't. Not once. He just drowned (alone, mind you) each and every time.
So the thing is, I know the last 20% of this was meant to be this perspective shifting hail Mary on Cas' justifications and intentions.
I don't buy it, sorry.
You know when one MC does something so heinous that you're almost giddy with excitement to discover how the author redeems him to get you rooting for him? For them? I love that shift. Usually.
I didn't get it here.
Cas was so incredibly mean and careless with Jude that even with the revelations, I couldn't quite root for him.
It's not just that I don't buy the whole 'thing' we're supposed to believe a selfish, self-centered sixteen year old had the mind to do. I mean, I don't buy it — it's not really in line with the rest of what we know of Cas. And I guess that's supposed to make it even more endearing but I digress.
It's not just that. It's the fact that even when he did it, it wasn't out of love. That whole spiel with Gideon making a huge deal talking about 'He chose you'...... No the fuck he didn't.
Cas chose himself then, just as he had always done prior. And he admits to that too.
He said he did it because he couldn't have chosen Jude then, and he would have broken his heart regardless.
Like Cas himself admits, what happened later couldn't have been predicted, so he doesn't get credit for what he did at 16. So that's one heartbreak entirely Cas' fault.
Yes. I'm keeping count. And, hell, I'll be generous and leave out all the tiny baby heartbreaks that Jude put up with before then because those were there too. But both were 15 so I'll give a discount on that. I'm magnanimous like that.
Next. Oxford. Finlay's birthday. Yet another day, another story of Cas choosing himself and his wants over Jude's. But you know, by this time, I'd started to kind of get over the whole forever love thing Jude was selling himself.
At some point, it's on you.
He could have had Finlay. Sweet, ready to meet him halfway Finlay.
He could have had Nathan. Older, wiser, willing to meet him more than halfway. Open to loving him the way he deserved to be loved.
I think after Nathan is when I gave up on Jude. You can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved.
Then London happened. The end of the London debacle is the only time I'll give Cas a pass. It's the only time in this long story that his actions made sense and were clearly selfless, misguided though they were.
But the last 20% failed to land him as a redeemable MC for me. And I get that this may be an unpopular take because of what we discovered after London.
I get his trauma. I do. I'm not an emotionless monster. I GET that he had a lot going on. He was going through a lot of shitty things. Fine. But HE was the shitty thing in Jude's story.
And clearly Jude can get past that, but I couldn't. I don't think it's the kind of romance that I can root for.
A happy ending for these two in my estimation was at the point of the long separation. Cas got out of his.......situation and was fine. Jude finally saying enough is enough and meaning it. For once in his bloody life.
Until he didn't. Mean it. 8 years on the wagon and then what. More Cas. I want to understand. I really did but.......Cas was the prize?
Sometimes the capacity for forgiveness people exhibit in romance novels is astonishing because I can't even imagine it.
I get Jude knowing Cas is the love of his life. I really do. Especially after London. Probably felt they were star-crossed lovers or some shit. Should have stayed that way.
I would have maybe grudgingly rooted for them if Cas had made a single overture first. At any one point.
Even when he had that two year window to get one thing right, he never did. This is why I'm so annoyed by the 'Cas chose you' revisionism because Cas didn't. Not once.
Half a time maybe. At 16. And that wasn't choosing Jude. That was a buyout clause, to put it bluntly. Thanks for your service. Severance, if you must.
This entire book is an argument for the fact that if you decide to be an 'understanding boyfriend', more often than not, people will give you things to understand.
5* because I loved this book and I loved how it broke my heart even though I'm vehemently opposed to the ending.
June 4, 2024
Oleander made me feel so many things, I’m completely overwhelmed. Jude and Cas’ love story is written in the stars and will remain in my heart and memory forever.
Scarlett Drake is an amazing writer, a magician, a poet. She created a magnificent piece of art with her words! I'm so grateful for this book. It instantly became one of my favorite books of all time.
It made me FEEL!!! So much! It was very painful but oh so beautiful. The writing is so stunning! The love, the hate, the manipulations, the betrayals, the PASSION, the chaos, I freaking loved every bit of it! THIS is why I love reading! Oleander is a special book and I will keep talking about how great it is!
The story focuses on Jude and his evolution as a teenager and as a man. I enjoyed reading every step of his life. His discoveries about himself, his sexuality, love, the people around him, the world. Mistakes were made, risks were taken, hearts were broken. And of course, there’s Caspien the cruel. Who’s actually completely misunderstood and honestly, I totally understand Jude because I love Cas unconditionally too. I just wanted him to be happy and finally love himself and accept Jude’s love. You only have to read his story until the end and see by yourself how deserving of love he is. Jude and Cas’ relationship is more than complicated but it makes it even more epic and incredible. They’re true soulmates and their love made me cry of both sadness and happiness.
This review might not make much sense because this book is not meant to be analyzed, it's meant to be read, felt, and experienced. If you’re looking for a coming-of-age story that really touches your heart and makes you vibrate to the core, then you should definitely read Oleander by the amazing Scarlett Drake.
Scarlett Drake is an amazing writer, a magician, a poet. She created a magnificent piece of art with her words! I'm so grateful for this book. It instantly became one of my favorite books of all time.
It made me FEEL!!! So much! It was very painful but oh so beautiful. The writing is so stunning! The love, the hate, the manipulations, the betrayals, the PASSION, the chaos, I freaking loved every bit of it! THIS is why I love reading! Oleander is a special book and I will keep talking about how great it is!
The story focuses on Jude and his evolution as a teenager and as a man. I enjoyed reading every step of his life. His discoveries about himself, his sexuality, love, the people around him, the world. Mistakes were made, risks were taken, hearts were broken. And of course, there’s Caspien the cruel. Who’s actually completely misunderstood and honestly, I totally understand Jude because I love Cas unconditionally too. I just wanted him to be happy and finally love himself and accept Jude’s love. You only have to read his story until the end and see by yourself how deserving of love he is. Jude and Cas’ relationship is more than complicated but it makes it even more epic and incredible. They’re true soulmates and their love made me cry of both sadness and happiness.
This review might not make much sense because this book is not meant to be analyzed, it's meant to be read, felt, and experienced. If you’re looking for a coming-of-age story that really touches your heart and makes you vibrate to the core, then you should definitely read Oleander by the amazing Scarlett Drake.
June 25, 2024
Nooooooooooooooo!!!!
I wanted to love this. I DID love it, for a moment. But this ended up being a giant disappointment.
It’s a tumultuous story with deceit and betrayal, and while that was intriguing, it was also frustrating and overdone.
I still don’t quite understand why things happened in the way they did. I became easily frustrated with how Jude simped over Caspien. Caspien himself was extremely cruel and unforgivable (if you ask me). And the whole Caspien and Xavier relationship just seemed so oddly placed in the story. Drama for the sake of drama.
More importantly, the ending sucked. With all the push and pull, the conclusion to their story was entirely lackluster. You make me read nearly 600 pages of drab and then give me a HEA in like, 5 pages?
Shit, I think any reader who managed to get through this book certainly earned more than that.
I wanted to love this. I DID love it, for a moment. But this ended up being a giant disappointment.
It’s a tumultuous story with deceit and betrayal, and while that was intriguing, it was also frustrating and overdone.
I still don’t quite understand why things happened in the way they did. I became easily frustrated with how Jude simped over Caspien. Caspien himself was extremely cruel and unforgivable (if you ask me). And the whole Caspien and Xavier relationship just seemed so oddly placed in the story. Drama for the sake of drama.
More importantly, the ending sucked. With all the push and pull, the conclusion to their story was entirely lackluster. You make me read nearly 600 pages of drab and then give me a HEA in like, 5 pages?
Shit, I think any reader who managed to get through this book certainly earned more than that.
November 9, 2024
This is not a romance. Nor was Great Expectations. Both MC's are completely unlikeable. Cas is honestly despicable and there is really no believable reason why he needed to do alllll that. Jude - my guy, I wanted him so badly to get over Cas and find someone who treated him the way he deserved. But nope. The ONLY character in this book I give a single fuck about is Luke. That is a real man 👌
It was time to come update this review because I HATED this. I know this is beloved by many but
Jude & Cas were toxic AF and not in a sexy way.
Original Review:
I've never read Great Expectations so I don't know how much of this held true to the original book but I don't feel like I can critique or give opinions when I haven't read the original.
It was time to come update this review because I HATED this. I know this is beloved by many but
Jude & Cas were toxic AF and not in a sexy way.
Original Review:
I've never read Great Expectations so I don't know how much of this held true to the original book but I don't feel like I can critique or give opinions when I haven't read the original.
June 8, 2025
Я У ТОКСИЧНІЙ ЛЮБОВІ 🖤🩶🤍
Це було гарно, витончено та токсично. І назва на всі 100% підходить цій історії.
Прекрасно написано. Дуже чуттєво та драматично. Я відчувала все що й головний герой. Просто браво авторці!
Якщо чесно, більшу частину книжки мені було боляче і мене нудило від нервів. Але я ні про що не шкодую. Відчуття, що доторкнулася до чогось прекрасного. Ну а те, що це була отрута, то вже інша справа 😂 Судячи по тому, що я люблю читати і від чого я кайфую, то я дійшла до висновку, що я книжкова мазохістка 😂
Дуже рекомендую читати під Playlist від авторки. Він неймовірний та прекрасно передає атмосферу.
Ох, Кас... Я, як і Джуд, під твоїми чарами. Я тобою захоплювалася і ненавиділа.
Ну і як завжди моя незмінна думка "хворі дорослі ламають життя дітям". Ті хто мають захищати приносять страждання. Це завжди страшні втрати... навіть якщо здається що ні. І не всім щастить зустріти свого Джуда...
UPD 05.06.2025. СПОЙЛЕР!!!
До свого схвального відгуку хочу додати трохи здорового глузду 😂 Бо все-таки думаю, що люди мають розуміти з чим будуть мати справу.
Отже, чи розуміла я що робить авторка? Без сумнівів. Вона не цуралася використовувати будь-які прийоми аби викликати емоції. Будь що, але ви маєте відчувати. І бажано щоб вам було погано. Погано Джуду, погано вам. Джуд щасливий, вам все-одно зле, бо зараз відбудеться якась фігня. Ну динаміка зрозуміла.
Тепер герої. Ну що? Нормальних тут практично немає. У всякому випадку ключових.
1. Гідеон та Ксав'є це велика купа лайна. Величезні. Крапка. Пояснень не буде. Просто істина.
2. Кас. Тут все складно. Бо суб'єктивно я під його чарами так як і Джуд. Малий Кас, то отрута. Але його талант та харизма не може лишити байдужим. І ось тут об'єктивна думка. Кас лайно номер три. Щоб і як авторка не намагалась виправдати чи пояснити. Але ні, ні та ще раз ні. І якщо я готова прийняти багато фігні, що він наробив. Але той перший розрив... та зрада... Ну не знаю. Особисто я не можу йому пробачити того. Той момент був найгіршим та найбруднішим. Він рот хоча б міг свій стулити. Але ні, його вибір бути мудаком. Чому? Без причин. Йому подобалося бути таким, а не тому що він не розумів чи не вмів інакше.
3. Джуд. В більшій мірі він мені подобався. Порядна хороша людина. Я тільки жалкую, що він не зміг пережити Каса. Розумію, що почуття так не працюють. Ти кохаєш того кого кохаєш. Але в нього були прекрасні варіанти після, особливо Натан. Він мав би його обрати, його життя було б значно простіше у багатьох сенсах поряд з цією людиною. Навіть якби вони розійшлися, то ця історія мала б все-одно прекрасний фінал з купою плюшок для Джуда. Але він, як істинний митець, обрав страждання від токсичного кохання. Хоча він все-одно молодець: жив, рухався далі, розвивався. Багато в кого читала, що герої залишаються на рівні підлітків. Ну я б так не сказала. Трансформацію Джуда я дуже відчула. Від хлопчика до чоловіка. При чому він завжди і на кожному кроці знав чого хоче як в стосунках, так і в житті. Правильні орієнтири, правильні вчинки (здебільшого 😁).
4. Сестра Джуда. Ну таке. Взагалі не зрозуміла цього персонажа. Особливо її вчинків під кінець книжки. Навіщо те було?
5. Люк. Ну він класний. Єдина нормальна людина на всю книжку. Але і його примусили страждати. Щоб що?
6. Фінн та Натан без питань. Прекрасні герої. Добре, що вони були в житті Джуда в потрібні моменти. Кожен з них вніс свій вклад у формування його особистості.
7. Всі друзі (шкільні та університетські) та перша дівчина Джуда. Тут також все прекрасно. Хлопчик вмів і вміє обирати своє оточення. І якби не певні обставини, то Каса в його житті не було б. Зовсім різні світи, зовсім різні цінності.
Тепер про фінал та епілог. Суб'єктивно, рада, що все так. Хочеться сказати НАРЕШТІ та видихнути і побажати щасливого життя цим двом. Особливо рада за Джуда, бо він закриє нарешті своє "відкрите питання", яке муляло його з 15 років. Я розумію чому хлопцям знадобилося стільки часу щоб бути разом. Можливо колись і були прийняті невірні рішення, але вони були прийняті, бо на той момент і для тієї особистості, то було єдине правильне рішення. Всі ті роки, що вони були не разом, дозволили Джуду "вирости", а Касу приземлитися. І ось вони отримали шанс на свій НЕА.
Але якщо об'єктивно, я не вірю в НЕА. Хто б і що не казав, Кас ніколи не кохав Джуда. Джуд ніколи не був його першим вибором. Так, була цікавість, новизна та симпатія. Але не більше. Він хотів лише, щоб йому поклонялися і комфортного (у фінансовому плані) життя. Він маніпулював людьми та думав, що самий розумний. Але але... Сталося життя. І після того життя найкращій та найкомфортніший варіан був Джуд. Добре, що хоч попустився малий з часом 😁. Ну а Джуд що? Думаю, що коли він отримав те, що хотів стільки років, то по-перше це ж треба пережити та пробачити зраду, а по-друге новизна зійде і я не впевнена, що він буде бачити те, що бачив у 15 років. Плюс враховуючи його життєвий досвід на противагу досвіду Каса... ну не знаю... Мені здається, що саме Джуд таки рухався б далі покинувши Каса (у реальному житті).
Ну якось так. Багато емоцій та тексту. Але не зважайте на моє бурчання, бо все ж книжка мені сподобалася. Я в цьому плані людина проста. Якщо мені гарно та серденько від емоцій тріпоче, то я не жадібна на оцінки та похвали, навіть якщо бачу якісь недоліки.
Це було гарно, витончено та токсично. І назва на всі 100% підходить цій історії.
Прекрасно написано. Дуже чуттєво та драматично. Я відчувала все що й головний герой. Просто браво авторці!
Якщо чесно, більшу частину книжки мені було боляче і мене нудило від нервів. Але я ні про що не шкодую. Відчуття, що доторкнулася до чогось прекрасного. Ну а те, що це була отрута, то вже інша справа 😂 Судячи по тому, що я люблю читати і від чого я кайфую, то я дійшла до висновку, що я книжкова мазохістка 😂
Дуже рекомендую читати під Playlist від авторки. Він неймовірний та прекрасно передає атмосферу.
Ох, Кас... Я, як і Джуд, під твоїми чарами. Я тобою захоплювалася і ненавиділа.
Ну і як завжди моя незмінна думка "хворі дорослі ламають життя дітям". Ті хто мають захищати приносять страждання. Це завжди страшні втрати... навіть якщо здається що ні. І не всім щастить зустріти свого Джуда...
UPD 05.06.2025. СПОЙЛЕР!!!
До свого схвального відгуку хочу додати трохи здорового глузду 😂 Бо все-таки думаю, що люди мають розуміти з чим будуть мати справу.
Отже, чи розуміла я що робить авторка? Без сумнівів. Вона не цуралася використовувати будь-які прийоми аби викликати емоції. Будь що, але ви маєте відчувати. І бажано щоб вам було погано. Погано Джуду, погано вам. Джуд щасливий, вам все-одно зле, бо зараз відбудеться якась фігня. Ну динаміка зрозуміла.
Тепер герої. Ну що? Нормальних тут практично немає. У всякому випадку ключових.
1. Гідеон та Ксав'є це велика купа лайна. Величезні. Крапка. Пояснень не буде. Просто істина.
2. Кас. Тут все складно. Бо суб'єктивно я під його чарами так як і Джуд. Малий Кас, то отрута. Але його талант та харизма не може лишити байдужим. І ось тут об'єктивна думка. Кас лайно номер три. Щоб і як авторка не намагалась виправдати чи пояснити. Але ні, ні та ще раз ні. І якщо я готова прийняти багато фігні, що він наробив. Але той перший розрив... та зрада... Ну не знаю. Особисто я не можу йому пробачити того. Той момент був найгіршим та найбруднішим. Він рот хоча б міг свій стулити. Але ні, його вибір бути мудаком. Чому? Без причин. Йому подобалося бути таким, а не тому що він не розумів чи не вмів інакше.
3. Джуд. В більшій мірі він мені подобався. Порядна хороша людина. Я тільки жалкую, що він не зміг пережити Каса. Розумію, що почуття так не працюють. Ти кохаєш того кого кохаєш. Але в нього були прекрасні варіанти після, особливо Натан. Він мав би його обрати, його життя було б значно простіше у багатьох сенсах поряд з цією людиною. Навіть якби вони розійшлися, то ця історія мала б все-одно прекрасний фінал з купою плюшок для Джуда. Але він, як істинний митець, обрав страждання від токсичного кохання. Хоча він все-одно молодець: жив, рухався далі, розвивався. Багато в кого читала, що герої залишаються на рівні підлітків. Ну я б так не сказала. Трансформацію Джуда я дуже відчула. Від хлопчика до чоловіка. При чому він завжди і на кожному кроці знав чого хоче як в стосунках, так і в житті. Правильні орієнтири, правильні вчинки (здебільшого 😁).
4. Сестра Джуда. Ну таке. Взагалі не зрозуміла цього персонажа. Особливо її вчинків під кінець книжки. Навіщо те було?
5. Люк. Ну він класний. Єдина нормальна людина на всю книжку. Але і його примусили страждати. Щоб що?
6. Фінн та Натан без питань. Прекрасні герої. Добре, що вони були в житті Джуда в потрібні моменти. Кожен з них вніс свій вклад у формування його особистості.
7. Всі друзі (шкільні та університетські) та перша дівчина Джуда. Тут також все прекрасно. Хлопчик вмів і вміє обирати своє оточення. І якби не певні обставини, то Каса в його житті не було б. Зовсім різні світи, зовсім різні цінності.
Тепер про фінал та епілог. Суб'єктивно, рада, що все так. Хочеться сказати НАРЕШТІ та видихнути і побажати щасливого життя цим двом. Особливо рада за Джуда, бо він закриє нарешті своє "відкрите питання", яке муляло його з 15 років. Я розумію чому хлопцям знадобилося стільки часу щоб бути разом. Можливо колись і були прийняті невірні рішення, але вони були прийняті, бо на той момент і для тієї особистості, то було єдине правильне рішення. Всі ті роки, що вони були не разом, дозволили Джуду "вирости", а Касу приземлитися. І ось вони отримали шанс на свій НЕА.
Але якщо об'єктивно, я не вірю в НЕА. Хто б і що не казав, Кас ніколи не кохав Джуда. Джуд ніколи не був його першим вибором. Так, була цікавість, новизна та симпатія. Але не більше. Він хотів лише, щоб йому поклонялися і комфортного (у фінансовому плані) життя. Він маніпулював людьми та думав, що самий розумний. Але але... Сталося життя. І після того життя найкращій та найкомфортніший варіан був Джуд. Добре, що хоч попустився малий з часом 😁. Ну а Джуд що? Думаю, що коли він отримав те, що хотів стільки років, то по-перше це ж треба пережити та пробачити зраду, а по-друге новизна зійде і я не впевнена, що він буде бачити те, що бачив у 15 років. Плюс враховуючи його життєвий досвід на противагу досвіду Каса... ну не знаю... Мені здається, що саме Джуд таки рухався б далі покинувши Каса (у реальному житті).
Ну якось так. Багато емоцій та тексту. Але не зважайте на моє бурчання, бо все ж книжка мені сподобалася. Я в цьому плані людина проста. Якщо мені гарно та серденько від емоцій тріпоче, то я не жадібна на оцінки та похвали, навіть якщо бачу якісь недоліки.
December 3, 2024
Reread (relisten) - 02/12/2024
When an author chooses the perfect narrator for their book, it elevates the story to an entirely new level of experience. George Naylor delivers an outstanding performance, masterfully conveying the heartbreak, loneliness, despair, grief, forgiveness and unconditional love that make this book so profoundly moving.
Highly recommend the audiobook
- Original review
I’m so overwhelmed by this book that I’m having a hard time putting my thoughts into words….but I’m gonna try.
When I saw this book recommended, I knew it would be my type. Words like “heartbreaking,” “couldn’t stop crying,” “devastating,” “angsty,” and “masterpiece” were used to describe it. So, if you know me—instant TBR.
I’ve never read the book or seen the movie that inspired it, and I’m glad. I think it would have spoiled the experience for me. Instead, I was constantly anxious, hurting, and in fear because of the foreshadowing throughout the book and the crushing prologue that told me it was going to hurt badly. It kept me on the edge of my seat and unable to put it down.
This book is hard. It’s painful, weirdly cozy, and gut-wrenching most of the time. This epic love story is beautifully written. (Hamartia was good, but Scarlett outdid herself here.) I was in awe because it’s such a huge book with a story that spans so many years, but the pacing was perfect. All the events were told in detail without being boring or rushed.
I loved Jude immensely. Jude, with his enormous heart and the way he loves Cas... it’s an undeniable and universal truth. It’s part of his being, and he was Cas’s constant.
“I loved him. I was as certain of that as I was my own name, both universal truths. I am Jude Alcott, and I am in love with Caspien Deveraux.”
“Stop looking at me like that,” (…)
“Like what?”
“Like that.”
“Don’t all the boys you do that to look at you like this, after?” (…)
“No,” He said. “No one looks at me the way you do.”
“So in that moment, Caspien was transformed. Or rather, how I perceived him changed so permanently that I saw him only for what I wanted him to be. Vulnerable and lost and in need of something only I could give him.
Love. Unconditional.
Only I could love Caspien how he deserved to be loved. And so I would.
I’d love him in spite of everything he was and everything I knew he could be. No matter what he did, no matter how much he hurt me, in this I would be constant.
As long as Caspien Deveraux breathed, I would love him.”
And love him he does, despite everything that happens, that never changes, and that’s why they both make it in the end. What I loved most about Jude, though, was that he wasn’t a doormat (at least in my eyes). He fights back, he gives his all.
Caspien, always so arrogant and sharp-tongued, never knew love until Jude, and he couldn’t recognize it for a long time. He was always so cold and distant. He broke my heart so many times, for what he did to Jude and to himself. When he finally shows his vulnerability later on, he won my heart. I told a friend that he reminds me a little of Laurent (from The Captive Prince), physically, obviously, but mostly because of the way he holds himself. He hides his emotions so well, the perfect mask always in place. He does what he thinks is right or what he thinks has to be done, and he doesn’t look back.
A shout-out to an incredible secondary character, Luke. Strong and down-to-earth Luke, who loved Jude with all the warmth and care. He was always there for him with the right words, and Jude loved him fiercely.
If you love epic, hard-won happiness, strong feelings, look no further. Go read it, you won’t regret it!
Reread: 12/2024 (audio)
SPOILER:
Minor thing that bother me:
During my re-listen, one thing stood out and bothered me more than it did during my first read: How the author chose to portray Jude first time bottoming with Nathan. It felt so out of character for Nathan to be so oblivious to Jude discomfort. Jude wasn’t even hard , he was just enduring it, and for Nathan, who is supposed to be more experienced and is consistently presented as a kind, considerate man (even everything Jude could want in a partner), failing to notice this struck me as surprisingly out of place. It was a detail that felt jarring and inconsistent with Nathan’s characterization and tainted my view of him.
When an author chooses the perfect narrator for their book, it elevates the story to an entirely new level of experience. George Naylor delivers an outstanding performance, masterfully conveying the heartbreak, loneliness, despair, grief, forgiveness and unconditional love that make this book so profoundly moving.
Highly recommend the audiobook
- Original review
I’m so overwhelmed by this book that I’m having a hard time putting my thoughts into words….but I’m gonna try.
When I saw this book recommended, I knew it would be my type. Words like “heartbreaking,” “couldn’t stop crying,” “devastating,” “angsty,” and “masterpiece” were used to describe it. So, if you know me—instant TBR.
I’ve never read the book or seen the movie that inspired it, and I’m glad. I think it would have spoiled the experience for me. Instead, I was constantly anxious, hurting, and in fear because of the foreshadowing throughout the book and the crushing prologue that told me it was going to hurt badly. It kept me on the edge of my seat and unable to put it down.
This book is hard. It’s painful, weirdly cozy, and gut-wrenching most of the time. This epic love story is beautifully written. (Hamartia was good, but Scarlett outdid herself here.) I was in awe because it’s such a huge book with a story that spans so many years, but the pacing was perfect. All the events were told in detail without being boring or rushed.
I loved Jude immensely. Jude, with his enormous heart and the way he loves Cas... it’s an undeniable and universal truth. It’s part of his being, and he was Cas’s constant.
“I loved him. I was as certain of that as I was my own name, both universal truths. I am Jude Alcott, and I am in love with Caspien Deveraux.”
“Stop looking at me like that,” (…)
“Like what?”
“Like that.”
“Don’t all the boys you do that to look at you like this, after?” (…)
“No,” He said. “No one looks at me the way you do.”
“So in that moment, Caspien was transformed. Or rather, how I perceived him changed so permanently that I saw him only for what I wanted him to be. Vulnerable and lost and in need of something only I could give him.
Love. Unconditional.
Only I could love Caspien how he deserved to be loved. And so I would.
I’d love him in spite of everything he was and everything I knew he could be. No matter what he did, no matter how much he hurt me, in this I would be constant.
As long as Caspien Deveraux breathed, I would love him.”
And love him he does, despite everything that happens, that never changes, and that’s why they both make it in the end. What I loved most about Jude, though, was that he wasn’t a doormat (at least in my eyes). He fights back, he gives his all.
Caspien, always so arrogant and sharp-tongued, never knew love until Jude, and he couldn’t recognize it for a long time. He was always so cold and distant. He broke my heart so many times, for what he did to Jude and to himself. When he finally shows his vulnerability later on, he won my heart. I told a friend that he reminds me a little of Laurent (from The Captive Prince), physically, obviously, but mostly because of the way he holds himself. He hides his emotions so well, the perfect mask always in place. He does what he thinks is right or what he thinks has to be done, and he doesn’t look back.
A shout-out to an incredible secondary character, Luke. Strong and down-to-earth Luke, who loved Jude with all the warmth and care. He was always there for him with the right words, and Jude loved him fiercely.
If you love epic, hard-won happiness, strong feelings, look no further. Go read it, you won’t regret it!
Reread: 12/2024 (audio)
SPOILER:
Minor thing that bother me:
During my re-listen, one thing stood out and bothered me more than it did during my first read: How the author chose to portray Jude first time bottoming with Nathan. It felt so out of character for Nathan to be so oblivious to Jude discomfort. Jude wasn’t even hard , he was just enduring it, and for Nathan, who is supposed to be more experienced and is consistently presented as a kind, considerate man (even everything Jude could want in a partner), failing to notice this struck me as surprisingly out of place. It was a detail that felt jarring and inconsistent with Nathan’s characterization and tainted my view of him.
September 19, 2024
I shouldn’t have picked this up. I knew I wasn’t going to like it but I had a terrible case of FOMO seeing all the good reviews.
But the problem is, Great Expectations is not a romance. It’s a sad and depressing story of a boy who held a torch for way too long for someone who never deserved his love. And unfortunately this book portrays that sentiment. Caspian is not likable. He’s cold and cruel and I didn’t even feel bad for Jude because he only loved Caspian because he’s beautiful.
I just can’t enjoy a romance where the MC’s are shallow and have no redeeming qualities.
But the problem is, Great Expectations is not a romance. It’s a sad and depressing story of a boy who held a torch for way too long for someone who never deserved his love. And unfortunately this book portrays that sentiment. Caspian is not likable. He’s cold and cruel and I didn’t even feel bad for Jude because he only loved Caspian because he’s beautiful.
I just can’t enjoy a romance where the MC’s are shallow and have no redeeming qualities.
January 6, 2026
**** 4.5 Stars ****
Geezzz, I got so angry reading about the journey of the two main characters!
I wanted to slap them both!
One for being unbearable (a complex and incredibly well-developed character)
and the other for loving too much, feeling too much, thus perpetuating this toxic relationship.
What a brilliant tale.
Geezzz, I got so angry reading about the journey of the two main characters!
I wanted to slap them both!
One for being unbearable (a complex and incredibly well-developed character)
and the other for loving too much, feeling too much, thus perpetuating this toxic relationship.
What a brilliant tale.
May 21, 2025
4.5 ⭐️
spice: 🌶️🌶️.5/5
format: ebook
i know, i know.
i thought for sure this would be a 6⭐️ book, but ultimately i just needed more from cas.
his pov/the epilogue was too short and i just NEEDED more time with them together, bc 98% of this book was of them with other people. i wanted this to blow me away, and while it did and still does and probably will always, take up a huge space in my brain, it just didn’t land all the way where i needed it to in the end.
scarlett drake made a whole masterpiece with these two though. i get the hype. but i will never reread this.
spice: 🌶️🌶️.5/5
format: ebook
i know, i know.
i thought for sure this would be a 6⭐️ book, but ultimately i just needed more from cas.
his pov/the epilogue was too short and i just NEEDED more time with them together, bc 98% of this book was of them with other people. i wanted this to blow me away, and while it did and still does and probably will always, take up a huge space in my brain, it just didn’t land all the way where i needed it to in the end.
scarlett drake made a whole masterpiece with these two though. i get the hype. but i will never reread this.
November 3, 2025
"It was the first time I met Caspien Deveraux, and I loathed him with a passion I didn’t know I was capable of. And though I didn’t know it then, I’d soon come to love him with the very same ferocity."
You know sometimes you read a book and you know it's going to stay with you long after you finish the last page? Well Oleander: A Great Expectations Reimagining is THAT book. I'm also making an early call that Oleander: A Great Expectations Reimagining is going to be my favourite book of the year. Everything about it is completely and utterly divine and I have used way more of the author's own words than usual in my reviews to try and capture its essence.
Jude and Caspien are beyond precious, beyond broken. I totally adore Jude and his ability to love unconditionally, but there's something about Caspien's hardness and fragility and ruthlessness and vulnerability, that makes him one of my favourite MCs ever - he is an absolute paradox, so conflicted and complex and fractured. Bravo Scarlett Drake!
"It came from nowhere, but I felt it everywhere. The need to kiss him. I imagined the soft, wet pink inside of his mouth, the taste of his lips, the shape of his tongue. It was an onslaught of want. Loud and hot and violent."
Don't get me wrong - this book literally broke my heart. Scarlett Drake has the most exquisite command of the English language and she writes with a sublime poetry and cadence that just sucks you in, until you're almost drowning in the emotion of the story. I'm fairly sure I only just managed to keep my head above water through some of the most excrutiating moments. But hang in there, it's totally and completely worth it.
"My emotions were not as easy to define then. I knew them only as loud, chaotic things which burned a path straight through me without clarity or warning."
Oleander: A Great Expectations Reimagining is a coming of age love story, but it's not for the faint-hearted; be prepared for dark themes, dark behaviour and broken hearts covering a ten year period. It's brutal at times and Scarlett Drake is the queen of twisting the knife.
"If I counted all the little ways he broke my heart, totalled them up, and set them on a scale, I doubt they would even come close to that first, deep break. The one that felt like a crack tearing through stone and earth, through things that had existed since the beginning of a life, to alter it irrevocably."
That said, every twist along the way leads us to the hard won and so well-deserved epilogue. Honestly, if you only read one book this year, you need to make it Oleander: A Great Expectations Reimagining.
"I’d love him in spite of everything he was and everything I knew he could be. No matter what he did, no matter how much he hurt me, in this I would be constant. As long as Caspien Deveraux breathed, I would love him.
If you read one book this year, make it this one. ❤️🔥
You know sometimes you read a book and you know it's going to stay with you long after you finish the last page? Well Oleander: A Great Expectations Reimagining is THAT book. I'm also making an early call that Oleander: A Great Expectations Reimagining is going to be my favourite book of the year. Everything about it is completely and utterly divine and I have used way more of the author's own words than usual in my reviews to try and capture its essence.
Jude and Caspien are beyond precious, beyond broken. I totally adore Jude and his ability to love unconditionally, but there's something about Caspien's hardness and fragility and ruthlessness and vulnerability, that makes him one of my favourite MCs ever - he is an absolute paradox, so conflicted and complex and fractured. Bravo Scarlett Drake!
"It came from nowhere, but I felt it everywhere. The need to kiss him. I imagined the soft, wet pink inside of his mouth, the taste of his lips, the shape of his tongue. It was an onslaught of want. Loud and hot and violent."
Don't get me wrong - this book literally broke my heart. Scarlett Drake has the most exquisite command of the English language and she writes with a sublime poetry and cadence that just sucks you in, until you're almost drowning in the emotion of the story. I'm fairly sure I only just managed to keep my head above water through some of the most excrutiating moments. But hang in there, it's totally and completely worth it.
"My emotions were not as easy to define then. I knew them only as loud, chaotic things which burned a path straight through me without clarity or warning."
Oleander: A Great Expectations Reimagining is a coming of age love story, but it's not for the faint-hearted; be prepared for dark themes, dark behaviour and broken hearts covering a ten year period. It's brutal at times and Scarlett Drake is the queen of twisting the knife.
"If I counted all the little ways he broke my heart, totalled them up, and set them on a scale, I doubt they would even come close to that first, deep break. The one that felt like a crack tearing through stone and earth, through things that had existed since the beginning of a life, to alter it irrevocably."
That said, every twist along the way leads us to the hard won and so well-deserved epilogue. Honestly, if you only read one book this year, you need to make it Oleander: A Great Expectations Reimagining.
"I’d love him in spite of everything he was and everything I knew he could be. No matter what he did, no matter how much he hurt me, in this I would be constant. As long as Caspien Deveraux breathed, I would love him.
If you read one book this year, make it this one. ❤️🔥
June 29, 2025
Просто чудово ❤️ Довбаний шедевр. Ті, кому сподобався роман Дікенса "Великі сподівання" будуть у захваті. Тим, хто не читав, теж сподобається, але вас, мабуть, нормально так погойдає на емоціях, бо навіть не будете здогадуватися що буде далі. Я знала, але все одно була вражена. Історія фатального токсичного кохання. "Господи, ця книга розіб'є мене..." — такі були думки були на 20% книги. На 50% так і трапилось. Я страждала разом з Джудом. Це книга — шедевр. Це то улюблене скло, яке захочеться колись перечитати. Як я люблю роман "Великі сподівання" та 2 екранізації (1998 року та 2012 року), так само полюбила цю книгу, навіть більше через надмірність страждань ❤️Атмосфера передчуття драми додатково лоскотала нерви. "Він завжди був тим, хто полював на мене. А я лише намагався вижити після нього". "Він був отруйний. Я був заражений ним, і щоразу, коли ми опинялися віч-на-віч, він встромляв своє осквернене лезо все глибше". "Але я ж був Джудом. А Джуд кохав Каса". "Я знав, що він не мій. Що він не може мене кохати. Але моєму розуму і тілу було байдуже. Настільки великою і безумовною була насолода, яку я відчував у ту ідеальну мить. Я хотів купатися в цьому, в ньому, насититися ним, щоб, коли він покине мене, я зміг підтримувати себе на цьому спогаді протягом наступних місяців і років".
September 20, 2025
Just finished. Speechless right now. My heart is officially broken, then put back together but still feels fairly stomped on. 5+++ stars. RTC.
April 1, 2026
5★
”I loved him. I was as certain of that as I was my own name, both universal truths.
I am Jude Alcott, and I am in love with Caspien Deveraux.
this book didn’t just pull me in—it unraveled me. it wrapped itself around my ribs and lingered there, heavy and intoxicating, long after i turned the final page.
this isn’t a story you simply read; it’s one you sink into, one that seeps into your bloodstream and refuses to let go. it’s a story about heartbreak, love, hate, depression, loss, grief, abuse, absence, and trauma.
and jude… oh my god!
experiencing it all through him was the icing on the cake. his voice made everything sharper, more intimate, at times suffocating in the most beautiful way. every thought, every emotion felt magnified, like i was living inside the storm that was his life rather than watching it from afar.
the writing was exceptional.
i didn’t just love this book—i let it consume me, and i would let it do so all over again.
a special thanks goes to my bestie laura who recommended this masterpiece to me—forever grateful for having been introduced to jude and cas. they have my whole heart, as you do. ily!!!
“It was the sort of beautiful great art and literature was created for. Fragile and delicate and destructive. I would write about it the very instant I was alone, and if the words didn’t exist to describe it, then I’d create new ones.”
August 7, 2025
Well fuuuuuck me, this was so horrible and I loved it. I think I read this at the right time; UK weather got cold and grey, my seasonal depression kicked in, and this book slapped me in the face kicked me in the stomach and told me love isn’t worth the heartbreak it brings. This wouldn’t have hit as hard as a beach read or on a sunny day, so make sure to time your masochistic reads well my friends!
This whole book felt like repeatedly poking a wound to reopen it over and over again. The emotional (at times self inflicted) harm one of the MCs endures by his LI is anguishing.
There are also some horrible things happening in this book that felt illegal AF to read (please check TWs). But the words used to describe this pit of despair of a book were so, so beautiful. I’m a sucker for pretty words that make me feel very very sad. You know when you eat something really delicious that then turns bad and it makes your stomach twist in knots and makes you sick for days? This book is that.
Both MCs are insufferable for 90% of the book. Caspien is a cruel narcissistic heartless shit, Jude is the biggest masochistic doormat who ever lived, with a capacity for love and forgiveness that is infuriating.
I have also been a Young Person (™) desperately in love with a boy who hurt me terribly, and this book encapsulates this feeling SO well and it’s so incredibly well written that I can’t be anything but impressed with this author. I wanted to vomit throughout.
I thought I’d end this book wanting to tell these two idiots to go to hell.
But then the last couple chapters happened. I’m not going to spoil anything but I will say that the last 10% has thrown a new light to the whole book, and I’m almost angry at myself by how easily swayed I was to forgive them. Me? Forgive Cas for being so cruel? Forgive Jude for being so spineless? Holy crap, somehow I did. They were both incredible damaged and generational trauma (and abuse) really is a bitch, so I kinda get it.
There was not enough grovelling by any stretch of the imagination (if you need grovelling in your books this will NOT be for you), but I’ve been suffering for so long reading this (and Jude has too) that I’ll take the crumbs of hope this book gave me at the very end.
LOL at Cas’ pet cat being called Laurent. If you’ve read Captive Prince this will give you a chuckle because Cas is so Laurent coded.
Stunning book. Favourites shelf. Will never read again. I do not recommend unless you enjoy feeling like shit.
This whole book felt like repeatedly poking a wound to reopen it over and over again. The emotional (at times self inflicted) harm one of the MCs endures by his LI is anguishing.
There are also some horrible things happening in this book that felt illegal AF to read (please check TWs). But the words used to describe this pit of despair of a book were so, so beautiful. I’m a sucker for pretty words that make me feel very very sad. You know when you eat something really delicious that then turns bad and it makes your stomach twist in knots and makes you sick for days? This book is that.
Both MCs are insufferable for 90% of the book. Caspien is a cruel narcissistic heartless shit, Jude is the biggest masochistic doormat who ever lived, with a capacity for love and forgiveness that is infuriating.
I have also been a Young Person (™) desperately in love with a boy who hurt me terribly, and this book encapsulates this feeling SO well and it’s so incredibly well written that I can’t be anything but impressed with this author. I wanted to vomit throughout.
I thought I’d end this book wanting to tell these two idiots to go to hell.
But then the last couple chapters happened. I’m not going to spoil anything but I will say that the last 10% has thrown a new light to the whole book, and I’m almost angry at myself by how easily swayed I was to forgive them. Me? Forgive Cas for being so cruel? Forgive Jude for being so spineless? Holy crap, somehow I did. They were both incredible damaged and generational trauma (and abuse) really is a bitch, so I kinda get it.
There was not enough grovelling by any stretch of the imagination (if you need grovelling in your books this will NOT be for you), but I’ve been suffering for so long reading this (and Jude has too) that I’ll take the crumbs of hope this book gave me at the very end.
LOL at Cas’ pet cat being called Laurent. If you’ve read Captive Prince this will give you a chuckle because Cas is so Laurent coded.
Stunning book. Favourites shelf. Will never read again. I do not recommend unless you enjoy feeling like shit.
July 8, 2025
В мене зараз стільки емоцій я просто не можу підібрати слів❤️🔥
Почну з того що я готова цілувати руки дівчатам які писали відгук на цю книгу і через них я дізналась про неї, але бляха муха де ви були раніше🥹
Чесно я не люблю перечитувати книги але я так хочу її перечитувати разів так 20😄
Ладно перейдем до відгуку
Книга дуже токсична, хороший приклад того як бути немає
В ній справді є нам чим задуматись, я ще ніяк не можу виправдати Каса🤷🏿♀️ шкода його дуже….
Джуд цей хлопець він навіть не розумів який вплив має на інших, його любов до Каса це навіть не описати словами, тут і одержимість і справжнє болюче кохання
Стільки ж воно принесло болю і йому і Касу
Я до кінця не розуміла як закінчиться книга, чи буде хепі енд
Ну вже так авторка ввела в оману🤷🏿♀️
До речі мені дуже сподобався стиль написання, читати було дуже цікаво хоча книга сама по собі велика
Я не можу досі зрозуміти Гідеона, він залишив багато питань на яких я відповіді не отримала
Оцей Ксавʼєр просто рідкісний покидьок, його прибити мало хоча якраз такі як він на слабких і наживаються
Люк в цій історії як промінчик світла, тільки він був таким справжнім, хорошим і просто найкращим
Він був якшо не батьком то справжній другом для Джуда, він дуже хороший справді 🥰
Бет мені якась непримітна, за неї я за годину забуду
Кас мені таки здалось він мав більше сили, напевно таки через Гідеона він вирішив шо не заслуговує на кохання, і буде страждати 🤦🏿♀️ це ужасно
Книга просто неймовірна, стільки нервів мені потріпала але це того вартує, я навіть ридала чесно признатись
Рідко книга може вивести на емоції але це того вартує
Хочеться більше читати таких книг, якщо знаєте щось похоже, діліться в коментарях я б з радістю почитала
До книги я ще буду точно декілька разів повертатись, в мене щей стільки цитат виділено😻
Поки що то вона найкраще прочитане за цей рік🥹
Всі хто має її в бажанках, читайте навіть не задумуючись без анотації просто починайте, це моя щира рекомендація!
Почну з того що я готова цілувати руки дівчатам які писали відгук на цю книгу і через них я дізналась про неї, але бляха муха де ви були раніше🥹
Чесно я не люблю перечитувати книги але я так хочу її перечитувати разів так 20😄
Ладно перейдем до відгуку
Книга дуже токсична, хороший приклад того як бути немає
В ній справді є нам чим задуматись, я ще ніяк не можу виправдати Каса🤷🏿♀️ шкода його дуже….
Джуд цей хлопець він навіть не розумів який вплив має на інших, його любов до Каса це навіть не описати словами, тут і одержимість і справжнє болюче кохання
Стільки ж воно принесло болю і йому і Касу
Я до кінця не розуміла як закінчиться книга, чи буде хепі енд
Ну вже так авторка ввела в оману🤷🏿♀️
До речі мені дуже сподобався стиль написання, читати було дуже цікаво хоча книга сама по собі велика
Я не можу досі зрозуміти Гідеона, він залишив багато питань на яких я відповіді не отримала
Оцей Ксавʼєр просто рідкісний покидьок, його прибити мало хоча якраз такі як він на слабких і наживаються
Люк в цій історії як промінчик світла, тільки він був таким справжнім, хорошим і просто найкращим
Він був якшо не батьком то справжній другом для Джуда, він дуже хороший справді 🥰
Бет мені якась непримітна, за неї я за годину забуду
Кас мені таки здалось він мав більше сили, напевно таки через Гідеона він вирішив шо не заслуговує на кохання, і буде страждати 🤦🏿♀️ це ужасно
Книга просто неймовірна, стільки нервів мені потріпала але це того вартує, я навіть ридала чесно признатись
Рідко книга може вивести на емоції але це того вартує
Хочеться більше читати таких книг, якщо знаєте щось похоже, діліться в коментарях я б з радістю почитала
До книги я ще буду точно декілька разів повертатись, в мене щей стільки цитат виділено😻
Поки що то вона найкраще прочитане за цей рік🥹
Всі хто має її в бажанках, читайте навіть не задумуючись без анотації просто починайте, це моя щира рекомендація!
August 23, 2024
Great Expectations was not a romance, was never intended to be a romance so to try and bring that genre into a retelling was just seeing it up to fail.
And it did.
Spectacularly.
And it did.
Spectacularly.
November 17, 2024
this took me way too long to get through. i usually dnf when i notice that a book is a slowburn, but i just needed to see how this played out. i loved jude throughout the entire story, and i’ll admit that caspien grew on me eventually. however, this was just entirely too long. so many people came and went and i get that we were supposed to follow jude as he grew into adulthood, but it got really boring as soon as it got to part two. yes, some events happened towards the end that i ate up, but we could’ve definitely gotten to those scenes quicker and wrapped this entire thing up. truthfully, i feel like half of the stuff in this book really wasn’t needed.
but overall, that’s on me for picking up a slowburn knowing that i don’t always enjoy them
edit: and another thing, they pretty much got their shit together by like the 95% mark. all the more reason to dislike slowburn romances
but overall, that’s on me for picking up a slowburn knowing that i don’t always enjoy them
edit: and another thing, they pretty much got their shit together by like the 95% mark. all the more reason to dislike slowburn romances
November 10, 2024
-5 ⭐️ if I fucking could
The only thing this book was giving me was painful, unrequited love and a cruel,spoiled brat playing with the heart of a dumb but lovely fool .
I feel sick. this book made me physically sick to my stomach.
I wish to have never read it, truly.
PS : I hope the pedophile, the uncle and Cas (the worst love interest I have ever read ) all rot in fictional fucking hell 💀
The only thing this book was giving me was painful, unrequited love and a cruel,spoiled brat playing with the heart of a dumb but lovely fool .
I feel sick. this book made me physically sick to my stomach.
I wish to have never read it, truly.
PS : I hope the pedophile, the uncle and Cas (the worst love interest I have ever read ) all rot in fictional fucking hell 💀
Want to read
November 10, 2025
Why it's on my tbr:
Gracie's updates kept making me feel she needs a hug. And then she gave us a 6⭐ review.
Who am I to not add this to my tbr?
Gracie's updates kept making me feel she needs a hug. And then she gave us a 6⭐ review.
Who am I to not add this to my tbr?
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