What do you think?
Rate this book
Be Not Afraid
The small Midwestern town of Larton shelters Lloyd, prideful owner of a failing restaurant. Dragging his dead business along, day by day, he yearns for fortune’s favor but refuses to yield control. Enter a business guru, offering a turnaround!
Toby, Lloyd's son, seeks conformity compulsively, burying his inner self deep within, day by day. Desperate to fade into obscurity, he enrolls in a program promising to obliterate his true self.
Meanwhile, Dawn, Lloyd's wife, seeks solace in a church with love for sale. Lost in her family's shadows, she embraces a new identity amidst the trade of commodified love.
As they each strive to escape their truths, the chasms they create around themselves deepen and, one by one, swallow the people they care about most.
'Be Not Afraid' explores identity, family, the destructive paradox of denial & questions our capacity to accept what we cannot change with a distinct strength in voice.
Toby, Lloyd's son, seeks conformity compulsively, burying his inner self deep within, day by day. Desperate to fade into obscurity, he enrolls in a program promising to obliterate his true self.
Meanwhile, Dawn, Lloyd's wife, seeks solace in a church with love for sale. Lost in her family's shadows, she embraces a new identity amidst the trade of commodified love.
As they each strive to escape their truths, the chasms they create around themselves deepen and, one by one, swallow the people they care about most.
'Be Not Afraid' explores identity, family, the destructive paradox of denial & questions our capacity to accept what we cannot change with a distinct strength in voice.
Unknown Binding
23 people are currently reading
670 people want to read
About the author
A.J. Saxsma
4 books99 followersAJ is a queer writer and dog dad. He grew up in a small, rural farming community an hour outside of Chicago. He exited the Midwest in 2012 with a trunkful of his belongings and has been living in Los Angeles ever since. As an author, his literary work has earned awards from Almond Press UK, has been published in anthologies, and has also appeared in Under The Bed Magazine. As a screenwriter, his work has been an official selection for the Independent Horror Film Awards, Hollywood Screen Film Festival, Los Angeles Cinefest, and Los Angeles Horror Competition. He’s also written the narrative scripts for four video game projects produced by Oculus for the Oculus VR system.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 18 of 18 reviews
January 24, 2024
Wow. Didn’t see the ending coming
So many feelings. A great story about being different. Having feelings of being unloved and believing in the people out to make a living off of your sorrow. I’ve read all Aj’s books. I think this is the best. I can’t wait to see what he writes next.
So many feelings. A great story about being different. Having feelings of being unloved and believing in the people out to make a living off of your sorrow. I’ve read all Aj’s books. I think this is the best. I can’t wait to see what he writes next.
May 1, 2025
*This book was received for free as a part of a Goodread’s Giveaway*
Jesus Christ. Okay.
I need to preface by saying the book has a very specific style of prose, so if the introductory chapter turns you off at all, you may not be able to sit through the whole book. It’s a slow burn.
That aside…wow. I really can’t dissect the story without leaving much of the important details and thus spoiling both the story and the pacing of which details are revealed.
What I will say is that each chapter was incredibly gripping, and having better sense than the protagonists as they stumble into misfortune made me all the more anxious as the spiral continued downward. It’s like watching a baby fall out of a crib and you can’t possibly run over and stop the baby from hitting the ground, however the outcome may be.
How everything ties together, how elements appear and reappear, how the family tries everything to just do ‘good’ and survive- It’s masterfully crafted. And painful.
Like ‘House of Leaves’, I think this book will both find a cult following and a split opinion. It’s tough to digest and a little tougher to get used to the particular style, but I think the right people will find it and love it.
Easily one of my favorite reads so far this year, and I may even go out and grab a physical copy.
Edit: True to my word, I ordered a physical copy through a local bookstore and now have the hardback on my shelf. Thanks again to the author for writing this story!
Jesus Christ. Okay.
I need to preface by saying the book has a very specific style of prose, so if the introductory chapter turns you off at all, you may not be able to sit through the whole book. It’s a slow burn.
That aside…wow. I really can’t dissect the story without leaving much of the important details and thus spoiling both the story and the pacing of which details are revealed.
What I will say is that each chapter was incredibly gripping, and having better sense than the protagonists as they stumble into misfortune made me all the more anxious as the spiral continued downward. It’s like watching a baby fall out of a crib and you can’t possibly run over and stop the baby from hitting the ground, however the outcome may be.
How everything ties together, how elements appear and reappear, how the family tries everything to just do ‘good’ and survive- It’s masterfully crafted. And painful.
Like ‘House of Leaves’, I think this book will both find a cult following and a split opinion. It’s tough to digest and a little tougher to get used to the particular style, but I think the right people will find it and love it.
Easily one of my favorite reads so far this year, and I may even go out and grab a physical copy.
Edit: True to my word, I ordered a physical copy through a local bookstore and now have the hardback on my shelf. Thanks again to the author for writing this story!
March 3, 2024
I liked Morphosis a lot, so I jumped at it when this came up on my daily freebies list. It's a family drama about three people (two parents and a son) who never talk to each other about their problems, with just a hint of the supernatural/mild horror thrown in there to keep it interesting.
If you read Morphosis, this is in a very similar vein: not a queer romance but a family drama with prominent queer characters. I don't think it explicitly states what year it takes place, but the style and strength of the outward homophobia Toby faces makes me think it's the 80s-90s.
The writing style is very engaging, and I felt I got to know the characters well, but they repeat themselves a LOT. Part of this is them trying to convince themselves that the scam they're falling for (for Dawn, an abusive church; for Lloyd, a business guru; and Toby, a gay conversion group) is the right path for them, and part of it is the fact they are all talking past one another. Still, it does lead to some very banal conversations. It feels like the device is overused, but it eases off slightly later in the book.
By the end, I was hooked and couldn't put it down. I definitely got invested and wanted to see how it would all end. I wasn't disappointed. I think fans of Stephen King would enjoy the brand of horror going on here, the kind where the characters are collapsing in their personal lives while this big supernatural thing is happening all around them.
If you read Morphosis, this is in a very similar vein: not a queer romance but a family drama with prominent queer characters. I don't think it explicitly states what year it takes place, but the style and strength of the outward homophobia Toby faces makes me think it's the 80s-90s.
The writing style is very engaging, and I felt I got to know the characters well, but they repeat themselves a LOT. Part of this is them trying to convince themselves that the scam they're falling for (for Dawn, an abusive church; for Lloyd, a business guru; and Toby, a gay conversion group) is the right path for them, and part of it is the fact they are all talking past one another. Still, it does lead to some very banal conversations. It feels like the device is overused, but it eases off slightly later in the book.
By the end, I was hooked and couldn't put it down. I definitely got invested and wanted to see how it would all end. I wasn't disappointed. I think fans of Stephen King would enjoy the brand of horror going on here, the kind where the characters are collapsing in their personal lives while this big supernatural thing is happening all around them.
March 9, 2024
"Can’t be lost when you’re nowhere."
This is the story of a family. Described as satellites by the mother, burdensome by the father and lost by the son.
This story made me sad enough that I almost stopped reading. Everyone seemed so lost here, even the secondary characters.
As a retired minister I wanted to stand and say:" Not all of us are predators!" As a LGBTQIA2S I wanted to "save" the son from society. And as a woman I wanted to empower the mother. Through it all I kept hearing Felix Mendelssohn's theme from the Elijah oritorio:" Be not afraid...thy help is near". But Aj Saxsma doesn't give anyone a clue as to what that help is because each character needs to find it themselves. Did I *like* the book? I'm still not sure. It's extremely thought provoking. It's very well written and *that* is why I'm giving it a 4/5
This is the story of a family. Described as satellites by the mother, burdensome by the father and lost by the son.
This story made me sad enough that I almost stopped reading. Everyone seemed so lost here, even the secondary characters.
As a retired minister I wanted to stand and say:" Not all of us are predators!" As a LGBTQIA2S I wanted to "save" the son from society. And as a woman I wanted to empower the mother. Through it all I kept hearing Felix Mendelssohn's theme from the Elijah oritorio:" Be not afraid...thy help is near". But Aj Saxsma doesn't give anyone a clue as to what that help is because each character needs to find it themselves. Did I *like* the book? I'm still not sure. It's extremely thought provoking. It's very well written and *that* is why I'm giving it a 4/5
January 27, 2024
A very well written book. The story was a little bit different and difficult for me to follow, but that may be me multi-tasking with different books/stories at the same time. Others should read as it was so well written.
June 18, 2024
I can’t believe how much I absolutely loved this book I won this from giveaway on here and while I’ve read some giveaway books that I’ve liked this was the first that I loved in fact it’s one of my favorite books ive read this year I’m flabbergasted there’s not more reviews anywhere the writing style is so different from anything I read like all the characters even the side ones seem to be pushing their emotions down with every “haha” I read my thoughts of how the people of Larton think darkened. Anyways if you love books that leave you thinking “wait what the heck just happened “ this is for you there is no happily ever after but maybe a complacency ever after? I’m not sure fair warning there are a bunch of hate crimes and bullying in this book
February 27, 2024
After reading A.J. Saxsma's novel, Be Not Afraid, I can imagine the title's caution applying to the reader as much as to the characters within, because of its American Gothic world of unfiltered reality. I felt its impact almost as much as its three main characters in whose heads we follow the events.
These main characters, evenly sharing point-of-view duties, are the members of the fracturing Wood family: Lloyd, a domineering, inconsiderate but not abusive father and breadwinner with a struggling restaurant; his impressionable lost-in-life wife, Dawn; their only child, teenager Toby, who's struggling to reconcile who he is amidst the implicit peer pressures of high school.
They're not entirely dysfunctional, there is civility and traces of caring, but more distrust. Each member's story is like a silo as each feels, thinks and acts on his or her own for the most part, privately opting for the advice and influence of outsiders over consulting each other. Combined with the shared traits (faults) of general naïveté, stubbornness, and secretiveness, things get messy when their initiatives encroach on each other.
The Woods live in a farmhouse in a fictional rural mid-western town, Larton, where everyone except Lloyd is about to sell their properties to a developer. As the sole holdout, Lloyd faces resentment, but his pride always resists any real or perceived challenge, no matter how trivial, and despite tangible evidence, as when he tells a friend the fries he sells are fresh, only to then pour some into a fryer from a bag in front of that friend.
Lloyd is combustible and reacts dramatically and physically whenever needed. He'd say passionately while others would echo how one character puts it: outbursty. When his methods don't work, he gets up and tries something else; when they succeed, he accepts it as his due. Lloyd is a bundle of comedy and tragedy all in one.
The pressure from his fellow citizens to cave in to the developer spurs Lloyd to instead grow his business using methods he learns from a self-help guru. His dogged persistence—arguably his most singular trait—and a little luck help him find success, although his pride is a constant threat to that success. His efforts consume him, he is unaware of the issues facing his wife and son, let alone the drastic steps they are taking to combat them. Which makes him as blind as they are to the self-interested and hypocritical people guiding them for their own purposes.
All this dramatic irony is accentuated by a dispassionate declarative sentence style that keeps the reader's focus on what these three are thinking, feeling, and doing. It's fascinating, even when one has a sense of what will happen, to see it happen. They are each the epitome of pathos.
It can be exasperatingly absorbing to watch Lloyd, Dawn, and Toby each ignore the advice of those on their side. Especially for the latter two who adopt Lloyd's obstinacy once they determine the solution lies with their chosen path, despite contradictory outward signs. The characters supporting, indifferent, or antagonistic to the Woods—each family member has a core group—add to the rich conflict as they assert their particular objectives.
While everything involves the Woods, not everything is about the Woods, and the characters around them provide their own colour. There is also the mystery of a cornfield beyond the Wood farmhouse with healing powers, and apparent sightings of a bright angel. All these give the story a surrealistic texture that keeps the reader on edge and captivated following this troubled family's march to its destiny and, perhaps, self-realization.
I received a copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
These main characters, evenly sharing point-of-view duties, are the members of the fracturing Wood family: Lloyd, a domineering, inconsiderate but not abusive father and breadwinner with a struggling restaurant; his impressionable lost-in-life wife, Dawn; their only child, teenager Toby, who's struggling to reconcile who he is amidst the implicit peer pressures of high school.
They're not entirely dysfunctional, there is civility and traces of caring, but more distrust. Each member's story is like a silo as each feels, thinks and acts on his or her own for the most part, privately opting for the advice and influence of outsiders over consulting each other. Combined with the shared traits (faults) of general naïveté, stubbornness, and secretiveness, things get messy when their initiatives encroach on each other.
The Woods live in a farmhouse in a fictional rural mid-western town, Larton, where everyone except Lloyd is about to sell their properties to a developer. As the sole holdout, Lloyd faces resentment, but his pride always resists any real or perceived challenge, no matter how trivial, and despite tangible evidence, as when he tells a friend the fries he sells are fresh, only to then pour some into a fryer from a bag in front of that friend.
Lloyd is combustible and reacts dramatically and physically whenever needed. He'd say passionately while others would echo how one character puts it: outbursty. When his methods don't work, he gets up and tries something else; when they succeed, he accepts it as his due. Lloyd is a bundle of comedy and tragedy all in one.
The pressure from his fellow citizens to cave in to the developer spurs Lloyd to instead grow his business using methods he learns from a self-help guru. His dogged persistence—arguably his most singular trait—and a little luck help him find success, although his pride is a constant threat to that success. His efforts consume him, he is unaware of the issues facing his wife and son, let alone the drastic steps they are taking to combat them. Which makes him as blind as they are to the self-interested and hypocritical people guiding them for their own purposes.
All this dramatic irony is accentuated by a dispassionate declarative sentence style that keeps the reader's focus on what these three are thinking, feeling, and doing. It's fascinating, even when one has a sense of what will happen, to see it happen. They are each the epitome of pathos.
It can be exasperatingly absorbing to watch Lloyd, Dawn, and Toby each ignore the advice of those on their side. Especially for the latter two who adopt Lloyd's obstinacy once they determine the solution lies with their chosen path, despite contradictory outward signs. The characters supporting, indifferent, or antagonistic to the Woods—each family member has a core group—add to the rich conflict as they assert their particular objectives.
While everything involves the Woods, not everything is about the Woods, and the characters around them provide their own colour. There is also the mystery of a cornfield beyond the Wood farmhouse with healing powers, and apparent sightings of a bright angel. All these give the story a surrealistic texture that keeps the reader on edge and captivated following this troubled family's march to its destiny and, perhaps, self-realization.
I received a copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
May 30, 2024
"Be Not Afraid" by A.J. Saxsma is a riveting and thought-provoking novel that captivates readers from the very first page. Saxsma masterfully weaves a tale of courage, resilience, and hope, set against a backdrop of compelling characters and a richly detailed world.
The story follows a protagonist whose journey of self-discovery and bravery is both inspiring and deeply moving. Saxsma's writing is evocative, painting vivid scenes and creating an immersive reading experience that makes it hard to put the book down.
What truly sets "Be Not Afraid" apart is its emotional depth and the authenticity of its characters. Each character is meticulously developed, with their own unique struggles and triumphs that resonate with readers on a personal level. Saxsma’s ability to tackle profound themes with sensitivity and insight adds layers of meaning to the narrative.
"Be Not Afraid" is more than just a story; it’s a powerful exploration of the human spirit and the strength that lies within us all. A.J. Saxsma has crafted a beautiful, unforgettable novel that encourages readers to face their fears and embrace their inner strength. This book is a must-read for anyone seeking an inspiring and heartfelt literary journey.
The story follows a protagonist whose journey of self-discovery and bravery is both inspiring and deeply moving. Saxsma's writing is evocative, painting vivid scenes and creating an immersive reading experience that makes it hard to put the book down.
What truly sets "Be Not Afraid" apart is its emotional depth and the authenticity of its characters. Each character is meticulously developed, with their own unique struggles and triumphs that resonate with readers on a personal level. Saxsma’s ability to tackle profound themes with sensitivity and insight adds layers of meaning to the narrative.
"Be Not Afraid" is more than just a story; it’s a powerful exploration of the human spirit and the strength that lies within us all. A.J. Saxsma has crafted a beautiful, unforgettable novel that encourages readers to face their fears and embrace their inner strength. This book is a must-read for anyone seeking an inspiring and heartfelt literary journey.
March 7, 2024
This is one of those books that I'm going to need to sit with a while and reread after a while. It's also one I suspect will mean different things to me depending on what is going on/has been going on in my own life at the time of reading. So, right now here's where I am. This book shows us the danger at any age of not thinking for yourself and thus becoming vulnerable to being led by outsiders who don't have your best interest at heart. However, it also forces one to ask how you develop a strong enough sense of self to be able to think for yourself. Where does your core identity come from and what outside forces can crack it? Lloyd, Dawn and Toby all are struggling here and being unduly influenced and led. Neither of the adults are particularly likable characters but they aren't bad people either. They made me sad. Toby makes me heartbroken. He's a young man trying to find answers and become his "true" self but lacking parental models for that. I felt like these are real people and I'd hope that at some point those people they should be listening to would get through to them in some way.
January 23, 2024
I have read both of AJ Saxsma's other books, "Morphosis", and "A Giant Comes", and really enjoyed them both. I had high hopes when I heard that he had a new one out. I just finished reading "Be Not Afraid" and I was not disappointed. The story's main focus is on Lloyd, the owner of an unsucessful resaurant who is intent on turning things around; his wife, Dawn, a meek, lost soul who gets involved with a local church of questionable intentions; and their teenage son Toby, who is trying desperately to fit in, no matter what it takes. Each of their stories is told in AJ's unique prose, with each character trying to overcome and rise above their current situations. This was a very enjoyable read with an end that took me by surprise! I highly recommend checking out this, or any of AJ's other books.
July 3, 2024
I read this whole book thinking it's not really my sort of thing. But I kept reading it, and I'm glad I did....
I had previously read Saxsma's "A Giant Comes" and thought it would feel similar, yet I spent the whole of the book wondering how two such different books came from the same author. But really they are similar - "Be Not Afraid" is grittier and the setting is less obviously unreal - but it still has a fable-like quality, a sense of unreality.
I didn't really like any of the characters but I still wanted to keep reading and see where it was going. I had no idea how it was going to end (except that it would definitely not be a happy ending, of course) until it ended.
I can't write "oh, wow, this was so so good" because that doesn't quite cut it. But it does somehow capture something - important? real? worthwhile.
I had previously read Saxsma's "A Giant Comes" and thought it would feel similar, yet I spent the whole of the book wondering how two such different books came from the same author. But really they are similar - "Be Not Afraid" is grittier and the setting is less obviously unreal - but it still has a fable-like quality, a sense of unreality.
I didn't really like any of the characters but I still wanted to keep reading and see where it was going. I had no idea how it was going to end (except that it would definitely not be a happy ending, of course) until it ended.
I can't write "oh, wow, this was so so good" because that doesn't quite cut it. But it does somehow capture something - important? real? worthwhile.
March 6, 2024
I wish I had more time to marinate on this one, but here it goes. Deep breath because I still feel like I'm coming back to myself. This one is heavy and deep, and a lot of other things. Be Not Afraid is about self, family, a town, and living. The dynamics between it all will keep you flipping page after page, but you may need to take a break because the story is heavy and emotional. The characters and story itself are very well-developed and relatable. And this book will stick with you. It's not one you can just put down and forget about or move on to the next one. It will make you think and marinate. Now, there are a few issues like using ' instead of " for dialogue, but it doesn't distract too much from the story. I'm giving this one 4.5 stars and recommend downloading today.
April 12, 2024
Having grown up in the religious southern states as the child of a preacher, I found this book to be an accurate account of many of the feelings in my family and others within the church. I had to laugh about the way the preacher in the story(my father was not like this, he was very loving and upstanding.)controlled the women and the way the women spied on each other so that punishment could be meted out. I know that there was sexual abuse in some of the deacons families.I didn’t know any homosexuals nor did I ever hear it denounced from the pulpit but it certainly would have been if anyone came out. They would have been shunned by all.
July 5, 2024
This book will not be for everyone, but I enjoyed it. The book is long and dense. The subject matter is deep. It follows the story of one family and how all three members "fall" for their own scams - a business "guru" who promises he can turn the father's business around, a church that promises it can help the mother "find her way" with a donation, and a therapist who promises he will "fix" the teenage son who is trying to deny to himself that he's gay. The writing style is a bit hard to get used to and I didn't feel like the ending gave any closure. But the story is compelling. I received an advance review copy for free and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
May 29, 2024
"Be Not Afraid" by A.J. Saxsm falls short of its potential, offering a narrative that feels disjointed and underdeveloped. The characters lack depth, making it difficult to connect with their journeys or invest in their outcomes. The plot, while promising in concept, unfolds predictably and fails to deliver any real suspense or excitement. Saxsm's writing style, although competent, lacks the vividness and nuance needed to elevate the story. Overall, "Be Not Afraid" struggles to leave a lasting impression, making it a disappointing read for those seeking a compelling and engaging experience.
July 8, 2024
This book was received as part of a Goodreads giveaway.
I believe this book was marketed as a horror novel. The only horror I really noted was how similar the story was to reality. The main characters could easily be any modern day members of any cult, pyramid scheme, or religious scam. People are just out there looking for, paying for, begging for a sense of belonging. The horror is what you are willing to do in order to find it.
I believe this book was marketed as a horror novel. The only horror I really noted was how similar the story was to reality. The main characters could easily be any modern day members of any cult, pyramid scheme, or religious scam. People are just out there looking for, paying for, begging for a sense of belonging. The horror is what you are willing to do in order to find it.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
February 26, 2024
3.5 stars. I'm still not sure what I just finished reading. The writing style was very good and the characters were really believable. I did struggle with how easily people can be convinced of all sorts of things, which was particularly painful with regards to Toby. The ending was very unexpected.
January 10, 2025
An awesome story about how people perceive how others see them. Looking for solace in different ways can prove to be dangerous. Never saw the type of ending coming. Absolutely not to be missed.
Displaying 1 - 18 of 18 reviews