Mothers and Other Fictional Characters: A Memoir in Essays

by Nicole Graev Lipson

“Sensitive, searingly intelligent, and beautifully written.” —Claire Dederer, author of  A Fan’s Dilemma



“This is—for real—a masterwork, one I will return to over and over." —Joanna Rakoff, author of My Salinger Year



In this intimate and riveting memoir, Best American Essayist Nicole Graev Lipson breaks through the ready-made stories of womanhood, rescuing truth from the fiction that infiltrates our lives.

What does it take to escape the plotlines mapped onto us? Searching for clues in the work of her literary foremothers, Lipson untangles what it means to be a girl, a woman, a lover, a partner, a daughter, and a mother in a world all too ready to reduce us to stock characters. Whether she’s testing the fragile borders of fidelity, embracing the taboo power of female friendship, escaping her family for the solitude of the mountains, grappling with what to do with her frozen embryos, or letting go of the children she imagined for the ones she’s raising, Lipson pushes beyond the easy, surface stories we tell about ourselves to brave less certain territory. 



As Lipson journeys through this thorny terrain, literature becomes her lodestar. Kate Chopin’s erotic story “The Storm” helps her reckon with the longings stirring below the surface of her marriage. Watching her son absorb the stifling codes of manhood, she finds unlikely parenting inspiration in Philip Roth’s most cartoonish overbearing mother. Summoning Gwendolyn Brooks, she asks, Can destroying one’s frozen embryos be understood as a maternal act? And accompanied by Shakespeare’s gender-bending heroine Rosalind, she seizes on the truest meaning of loving her oldest child. 



Risky and revealing, nourishing and affirming, rigorous and sexy, Mothers and Other Fictional Characters is a shimmering love letter to our forgotten selves—and the ones we’re still becoming.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Essays, Feminism, Audiobook, Parenting, Biography Memoir

248 pages, Paperback

First published March 4, 2025

Reviews

[Melanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Nicole Graev Lipson’s voice is an urgent searchlight, shining across the most complicated parts of existing as a multi-dimensional woman in a binary world. Her pulse is daringly close to the surface, a drumbeat of desire that beautifully unlocks secrets beneath the surface of family life. Lipson’s searing curiosity and tenderness mixes the exacting brilliance of Rebecca Solnit and Deborah Levy with the compassion and lush prose of Maggie Smith and Kathryn Schulz. Her essays tumble thoughts like rocks until they shine, exploring the grief of parenting, the devastation of love, and the impossible stakes of wanting. This book cracked me open over and over again, and each essay restitched my heart into something new.”
~ Kelly McMasters, author of The Leaving Season

This book. My god.

Writing this good feels like a turbulent river whooshing over rocks, slowing down and quickening, contracting and widening, fully inhabiting the quintessential human landscape of confusion and paradox.

I am so grateful that Nicole Graev Lipson found the essay to be the perfect terrain for the high-wire act of unspooling uncertainty, unraveling archetypes, and uncovering the truth in the multitudes we contain.

This is indeed, a song of all her selves.

It is beyond mesmerizing to watch a woman, an artist, a mother, a wife, a teacher and a friend coming fully into her own by precisely undoing everything that she has been taught/told each of these things should be.

Nicole Graev Lipson is a genius-essayist who has been waiting in the wings, patiently gathering wood for the giant fire she just ignited, and around which I huddled for days, whispering “yes, yes, yes, yes” to myself.

A song of all our selves, a song of and/or, a song of deep knowing and doubt, a song of choices and chance, a song of thinkers who mother and mothers who birth art. With one foot firmly in and one foot resolutely out.

Read it.

[Karen Winn · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of those books that you deeply submerge yourself into, and when you are done, you feel changed. You feel seen. You've experienced--and grasped--something beautiful, something meaningful. This is a literary masterpiece that every mother and every woman must devour. I envy those who get to read it for the first time. Meanwhile, I gratefully join the ranks of those who will undoubtedly return to it over and over through the ensuing years. Brava, Nicole Graev Lipson!

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am a mother.

This was not inevitable. I am almost surprised myself, how fully I inhabit this new plane of being and how right it feels.

There has been a thread through my reading life that tells this story. In 2022, I read Motherhood by Sheila Heti, wherein she contemplates the question thrust upon every woman: to be or not to be? I added books like Regretting Motherhood, The Parenthood Dilemma: Procreation in the Age of Uncertainty, and more recently, Flesh & Blood: Reflections on Infertility, Family, and Creating a Bountiful Life; but I did not read them. Instead, I found A Ghost in the Throat by Doireann Ní Ghríofa, all full of milk and babies and literary obsession. A kindred spirit for the person I want to be.

And so I turned the page into motherhood myself. I have been savouring this book through these early months, picking it up in hard-won moments of calm – on a balcony by a lake, in the bathtub – and sinking into it. Letting her thoughts (on parenting, on friendship, on life) ripple through me, nourish me, help me feel unalone in the very specific ways life can needle you from day to day. I have been sitting on the last essay, not wanting it to end, which is possibly the greatest compliment I can give a book.

Yesterday I got mad at my kid. He’s five months old and has learned to twist my nipples with impressive ferocity. I passed the baby to my partner and read the last four pages of Mothers and Other Fictional Characters. I felt that Nicole Graev Lipson could soothe me, contextualize my feelings, and she did.

More than that, she inspires me to write my own thoughts down; the rich muddle of experiences these past months have foisted upon me. She offers a model for the kind of writer I feel I have in me, buried under a tangle of self-doubt.

Maybe my long-ago dreams of being a writer can also become a reality, however unlikely it seems on the average day.

Thanks, Nicole. Please keep writing.

[Katie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m usually not one for essays, but this memoir is absolutely triumphant in its resonance. In the most poetic, eloquent and gentle way, Nicole Graev Lipson has illuminated the nuances of being mothers, daughters, and women; and all in the confines of aging, perfectionism, identity and expectation. If I’d annotated it, the whole book would be covered in notes. But her sentences are too beautiful to disturb.

I found these essays so quietly powerful that their reverberations are evident in my own relationships. Lipson brings breath (in fact, a generous exhale) to many topics usually preached with anger, ultra-feminism and ensuing polarity. Again, it is both her gentleness and profound intellect that invite the reader to see situations anew. Transformative.

[cass krug · Rating 3 out of 5]

this was an enjoyable essay collection, but not one that i think will have a ton of sticking power for me, even just a few days out from finishing it. maybe this would hit harder if you’re a mother. feels similar to a life’s work by rachel cusk but with less bite.

nicole graev lipson explores many different facets of motherhood, including examining her relationship with her own mother, her oldest child’s gender expression, freezing her embryos, and her son’s learning of masculinity. this was well written and i enjoyed the autobiographical elements that were incorporated throughout the essays. super easy reading experience.

thinking back on my reading experience, what sticks out the most to me was the discussion about gender roles and the way the author feels about how her children do or do not fit into them. while i think the author is well-intentioned and obviously wants what’s best for her children, the ideas and worries being expressed felt… idk, a bit played out to me? lots of hand-wringing about her daughter being a tomboy and whether or not her son should be allowed to play with toy swords. maybe it’s different if you’re a mother yourself, or maybe i’ve just read a lot of books with similar subject matter, but it didn’t feel groundbreaking to me. those essays are the ones i remember the most, though.

3.5 ⭐️ thank you to chronicle books and netgalley for the digital copy - out now!

[Rachel Vardeman · Rating 5 out of 5]

A new personal, all time favorite. Even though I started this two months ago, I still need to mull. But wow wow wow.

[Susanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

This collection of stories grapples with the experience of being mother. The decisions we make, the ways we are discarded, how little time we get to ourselves, and how we process it (or perhaps, how we cannot) when our kid says fuck you. There were several quotes I found very meaningful to my motherhood experience and I think regardless of where the reader is on their motherhood journey, they will find important quotes for themselves as well.

[Carolyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the first book written by and about motherhood in which I felt truly seen in multiple instances. The writer's block Lipson dealt with was described as a void, just an inability to create or be creative. I thought that was just some fluke I dealt with when my kids were small. The way our thoughts are filled with our new responsibilities such that there's no room for anything else. She writes about her relationship with her daughters vs. her sons, her infertility struggles, and her friendships. Woven throughout these essays are her reflections of poets, essayists, and writers who wrote about women and motherhood in their own way. This was fascinating to me, and I found myself saving the titles and authors that she referenced. I wish I had had this book when my first son was born, but I am eager to turn back to it as my boys get older. It was very reminiscent of the early parent blogs in the mid 2000's with an honest edge, and the facts laid bare. I found myself missing the Gen X parent bloggers in a world of Pinterest, TikTok, and Instagram influencer parents. We need more honesty like Nicole Graev Lipson and her peers offer.

[Megan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I would give this 500000 stars, in a heartbeat.

[Danielle Williamson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book after having the good pleasure of meeting Lipson last year and having her speak to my class. Her writing is truly remarkable, and she is likely one of the underrated best essayists of this generation.

[Shara · Rating 4 out of 5]

The ending was beautiful.

[Cate Barrett · Rating 5 out of 5]

Superb observations on parenting and the archetypes of mothers—how we talk about mothers, who they are allowed to be.

[Pem Ausbrook · Rating 5 out of 5]

All the essays are good, some very good, and some, I thought, were 5 star. More about being a mother to young children than having a mother. She blends characters and writers in literature seamlessly in with her own story to tackle the issues of gender fluidity, aging, marriage, friendship, and of course motherhood.

[Joanna · Rating 3 out of 5]

despite not being a mother (and having little to no desire to be one), i enjoyed this collection of essays as they touched on larger, overarching themes of female friendships, family roles, infertility, and others. three stars due to limited applications for my life.

[Sarah Jensen]

Book Review: Mothers and Other Fictional Characters: A Memoir in Essays by Nicole Graev Lipson

Nicole Graev Lipson’s Mothers and Other Fictional Characters is a poignant and insightful collection of essays that deftly navigates the complexities of motherhood, identity, and the often blurry lines between reality and fiction. Through a blend of personal anecdotes and reflective commentary, Lipson explores her relationships with her mother and her own experiences as a parent, offering readers a profound look at the ways in which familial bonds shape our narratives.

A Unique Structure

The book’s structure as a memoir in essays allows Lipson to present her thoughts in digestible segments, each focusing on different aspects of motherhood and personal growth. This format not only highlights her versatility as a writer but also allows for a varied exploration of themes. Each essay stands alone, yet they collectively build a rich tapestry that reveals the depth of Lipson’s experiences and insights.

Relatable Themes and Humor

Lipson’s writing is imbued with honesty and humor, making her reflections both relatable and engaging. She tackles the challenges of parenting with a candidness that resonates with many readers, whether they are parents themselves or not. From the absurdities of daily life to the profound moments of connection, Lipson captures the multifaceted nature of motherhood, often with a witty turn of phrase that brings a smile even in the midst of chaos.

Exploration of Identity

At its core, Mothers and Other Fictional Characters delves into the theme of identity—how we see ourselves in relation to our parents and how we, in turn, shape the identities of our children. Lipson reflects on her upbringing and the lessons learned from her mother, juxtaposing these memories with her role as a mother. This exploration of generational influence provides a thoughtful commentary on how our backgrounds inform our parenting styles and personal narratives.

Emotional Depth and Reflection

Lipson’s essays are not just humorous observations; they are steeped in emotional depth, capturing the struggles and joys of motherhood. She writes with a vulnerability that invites readers into her innermost thoughts, creating an intimate connection. The book often evokes a sense of nostalgia, prompting readers to reflect on their own experiences with family and the complexities of nurturing relationships.

Conclusion: A Must-Read for Parents and Memoir Lovers

Mothers and Other Fictional Characters is a beautifully crafted collection that offers insights into the universal experience of motherhood while celebrating the unique quirks of Lipson’s own journey. Her ability to blend humor with heartfelt reflection makes this memoir a compelling read for anyone interested in the intertwining of personal stories and broader themes of identity and family. Whether you are a parent, a memoir enthusiast, or simply seeking an engaging narrative, Lipson’s work is sure to resonate and inspire. Highly recommended for its warmth, wit, and wisdom.

[Jen Shepherd · Rating 5 out of 5]

As an avid reader and writer myself, I'm pretty particular when I choose a book, especially a memoir. I had read Nicole Graev Lipson's winning essay, "As They Like It: Learning to Follow my Child's Lead in The Best American Essays 2024. It was such a strong, powerful, relatable essay that I knew immediately I'd be buying her book. Mothers and Other Fictional Characters grabs you from the start. The words and gorgeous imagery flow seamlessly making it feel like you're having a conversation with the narrator, not just reading words. The stories of marriage and mothering are real, without any fluff, reminding us all what it felt/feels like to be a parent or to have a parent. Nicole paces her book beautifully and includes wonderful historical references which tie in so well to her personal experiences. As a Jewish person I also appreciate the special religious connections Nicole shares with her family and community. I even learned a few things about my religion that I didn’t know. This book is unique in its storytelling - honest, super funny, and it kept me grounded from beginning to end. Whether you are a parent or not, single or married, as long as you are human, you will enjoy every moment of this memoir. I can't wait to share copies with my friends.

[Zibby Owens · Rating 5 out of 5]

This memoir-in-essays explores how women are often reduced to societal archetypes and how they sometimes internalize and perform these roles. It’s not just a memoir; it engages in conversation with books and writers who have shaped the author, including Kate Chopin, Grace Paley, Gwendolyn Brooks, and others.

This collection is more than a series of essays; it serves as a layered meditation on the tension between who we are and how we perform our roles—as daughters, mothers, partners, artists, and thinkers. It blends personal narrative with literary reflection. This work delves into identity, not only as a woman or a mother but as someone navigating the stories we’re told, the stories we tell ourselves, and the ones we actually live. Lipson examines the conflict between domestic life and creative ambition, the friction between selfhood and service, and the subtle yet powerful ways literature can shape our understanding of what is possible.

To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at:
https://zibbymedia.com/blogs/transcri...

[Bookish Emotions · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is one of those books you want to go back to on different stages of your life.

the writing is so clever and amazing. it touches a wide range of topics concerning motherhood. she share her story of being a daughter, mother and a women and draw conclusions parallel with fictional charaters.

Everyone tries to romanticize motherhood without actually showing the real deal how tiring and confusing the experience is. whatever you do is wrong the moment you do something for yourself you are painted as monster. It shows how solitude is also a luxury and female friendship is a gift.

I really can't express how beautifully it pen down the experience and the treatment mothers and women's get after sacrificing their whole life.

there were some parts which I was not able to relate to much may be because I am not yet a mother specially the part with abandon embryos. I get it what she wanted to say but I guess I didn't quite understand the depth of it emotionally since it's not something I am concerned about that is why it's a 4 star but I will reread this book maybe not as a whole but in parts every now and then. This is that kind of a book you go back to and want to reread parts of it.

[Karen Flood · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am in awe of this book and of Nicole Graev Lipson as a writer. This collection of essays is beautifully crafted, brilliant and moving. There were too many times to count when I felt like the essays were expressing exactly what has gone through my head as a mother, woman, and daughter. A couple of favorite moments: I loved how the author reframed the mental work we do as mothers as an important cerebral activity in "Thinkers Who Mother." The first essay about Kate Chopin and the author's mother rang so true to me as well because I related to so much of the changing relationship between mother and daughter. The essays are beautifully constructed with perfectly chosen words and lyrical narration. I love how the author weaves in research, and how she creates suspense in the narration, so not only are you relating to everything she is writing about, but you want to know what happens next. This book would make a terrific gift for any mother or daughter you know; in fact, I already have a mental list of the women I am going to give the book to.

[Noa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Beautiful writing. Sometimes the narrator was strikingly unrelatable (...maybe a lot). She wrote with a certain confidence of her position and relatability -- like she was finding themes of motherhood that everyone could find some buy-in to, but it wasn't always true. She was often strange to me, like an impossible character that couldn't see the obvious thing but kept circling it and describing everything around it. I liked her diction -- and some parts of the book were so beautiful: concepts described poignantly and precisely.
There were moments I was furious at the opportunities she lost or ruined to help others...like she assumed it was totally fine to be selfish and only save herself and her own kids, but not help others. And at times (in the second half) things got didactic -- and she is NOT in the position to be oracle in any sense of the word.
There were a couple essays that really hit wonderfully, though -- and so it needs a 4 just for those stellar essays.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of those rare audio books that I can't wait to re-read in print with a package of page flags ready to mark all of the wise, thought-provoking and insightful passages. A collection of 12 essays, Lipson explores various topics including body image, friendship, aging, gender and sexuality, marriage, Jewish rituals and identity, and more. As Vicki Mayk wrote in her review, "the themes of parenting and what it means to be a mother surface again and again, even among essays primarily focused on other subjects . . . Like the rest of her work, these are not clichéd examinations of the maternal role, but fresh insights about the challenges found in being a mother." I found each essay vulnerable and raw, emotional and heartfelt. "Tikkun Olam Ted" was my favorite but I completely related to all of them. Lipson expertly narrates the audio book herself making the listening experience that much more intimate and personal. Highly recommend.

[Jessica Burstrem · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love the interplay between literature and life in each chapter of this book. I love her insistent honesty that is so true and relatable and freeing because, yes, being a mother does mean being filled with shame. I love her embrace of nuance and ambivalence. In many ways, this book realizes some of what I grasped for in my master's thesis. It wrestles with the relevance and implications of feminism in parenting, and the relevance and implications of parenting in feminism.

This is the first book in recent memory that I started for a reading group or book club, didn't finish in time, and was still driven to finish in the days that followed. It is so well written, capturing what we have always somehow known and articulating it for us for the first time, as any good writer will do. Lipson's voice comes through to the reader like sharing a cup of tea and a sunny afternoon with a close friend. I don't know how to give a better recommendation than that.

[Amy Asherah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nicole Graev Lipson’s debut memoir seamlessly fuses the styles of academic essay and lyrical memoir, guiding us toward her insights on the various roles and expectations of a contemporary American woman. As mother, as daughter, as wife, as girl-becoming-woman-becoming-older-woman, she stretches the skin of these personas by flexing her freedom and intelligence. In a maelstrom of demands and desires, Graev Lipson’s authorial voice – her contemplative self – is the rudder that steadies the craft. When you think she’s gone deep, she’ll go deeper. Yet she never loses her connection to the physical forms (a seashell, a taxicab, an embryo, our human bodies), she never lost me as a reader, and she never loses herself. Rather than using writing to escape her responsibilities as a mother and wife, she uses it as a light to explore the complexities and to help us see ours more clearly.

[Kellylynn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Finally a book of short stories that I actually felt engaged. It delves into different experiences as a female but mostly how those experiences change as a mother. How perspectives can change once you have become a mother. How hard you my treat judge yourself as a mother.

Some of the stories I rather clicked with but then others I felt like the author went a little over the top on self judgment. Plus a few stories it felt like they ran out gas on the way and she had to rely on engaging with other stories to bring it all back to some cognizant point.

I am still not a fan of the meandering, strolling conversationalist feel of these types of books. But this one, at points, gave me pause to reflect and I feel that is a good thing.

I won this in one of the giveaways.

[Mary Ardery · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'd been seeing this book everywhere so I worried I had too high of expectations when I started reading it, but it did not disappoint. I read it in 4 or 5 days because I was actively looking forward to picking it back up and always carving out extra time here and there to read just a little bit more. I loved that these essays show the mind going back and forth--like that quote about the best poetry being the arguments you have with yourself--but there are no unnecessary bits or tangents. The essays have been crafted with the reader in mind so that you get to hold in your hands (and contemplate) these muscular, fruitful, and beautiful commentaries on gender, motherhood, friendship, mortality, and so much more.

[Deborah Sosin · Rating 5 out of 5]

A stunning collection of essays that moved me in ways that are hard to articulate. From a storytelling standpoint, the author offers seamless, lyrical narratives that both entertain and edify. From a craft standpoint, more seamlessness, as Lipson perfectly balances up-close, entirely idiosyncratic personal details blended with cultural, literary, sociological, and historical allusions throughout. I tried to read slowly to make the book last longer and was sad when it ended. But I'll be going back to it again and again. Lipson is a brilliant writer whose wisdom, wit, and compassion light up this extraordinary work of art. Bravo.

[Stacy Bass · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nicole Graev Lipson's Mothers and Other Fictional Characters is a literary tour de force. Her writing is so thoughtful, so staggeringly precise, so lyrical, I was swept away. For me, reading her prose conjures up a master conductor orchestrating language in such beautiful and impactful combinations, it's hard not to be wowed. I found myself crying in recognition, saving passages to re-read time and again and feeling grateful for the opportunity to absorb both the weight and whimsy of her stories. A searingly honest and insightful series of essays you'll want to share with every woman, every mother, everyone you know!

[Erika Anderson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book, but I do think I’m the target audience — a mother of 3 who lives in the same Boston suburb as the author (which I only figured out after about 1/3 of the book. Now I’m certain we must be friends). It is a memoir, of sorts, mostly about being a mother and a daughter, told through essays. I love that style of writing, and Lipson is top of the class. What makes this book stand out is its beautiful honesty. There were numerous times I couldn’t believe she said things out loud — so many things I’ve thought but haven’t dared to say. About my kids, my marriage, about being a mother and a daughter. I cried multiple times, not because it was sad but because it is so true.

[Alyson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this essay collection. I found myself texting quotes from the essay, "The Friendship Plot" to one of my close friends and texting this passage from "Thinkers Who Mother" to many of my mother friends.

“Yesterday, I wrote a note to my mother, thanking her for the steady intelligence of her parenting. Today, I will call my friend Mira, and I will map for her the genius of her mothering. Tomorrow, maybe it will be you. Which thinker will you recognize for her mothering? Which mother will you recognize for her thinking? Stop her. Tell her. Make her eyes burn. Across the world the chain will grow, like so many synapses firing.”


I felt seen and known by this book. Wonderful!

[Sidnie · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Mothers and Other Fictional Characters" offers a raw and deeply relatable look at the profound loss of self that can accompany motherhood. The collection’s strength lies in its ability to capture those recognizable moments, making some of the stories feel incredibly compelling. While I found myself connecting with the central themes, certain stories felt a bit drawn out and less accessible, making the book a longer read than expected. The story about the frozen embryos was a particular challenge, as the character’s indecision was difficult to grasp, yet I respect the author for presenting a perspective on this complex issue (and others) that I had never truly considered before.