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Where Have I Been All My Life? A Journey Toward Love and Wholeness
Where Have I Been All My Life? is a compelling memoir recounting one woman's journey through grief and a profound feeling of unworthiness to wholeness and healing. It begins with the chillingly sudden death of Rice's mother, which is followed by her foray into the center of mourning. With wisdom, grace, and humor, Rice recounts the grief games she plays in an effort to resurrect her mother; her misguided efforts to get her therapist to run away with her (or at least accept her gifts); and the transformation of her husband from fantasy man to ordinary guy to superhero. In the process, she experiences aching revelations about her family and her past and realizes what she must leave behind, and what she can carry forward with her. Poignant, tender, and sometimes hilarious, Where Have I Been All My Life? is Rice's universally relatable story of how she found sustenance for the difficult but vital journey toward love and wholeness in an unexpected place: herself.
- GenresNonfictionMemoir
234 pages, Paperback
First published October 7, 2014
22 people are currently reading
1111 people want to read
About the author
Cheryl Rice
1 book6 followersCheryl Rice is a professional speaker and coach. Her company, Your Voice Your Vision partners with women striving to be leaders in their own lives. When Cheryl decided to take the advice she so passionately offers her clients, she emerged with a memoir. Her essays have appeared in The Philadelphia Inquirer, Cactus Heart, and Cure Magazine. Cheryl has M.S. degrees in both Psychological Services and Organization Development, and lives with her family outside of Philadelphia. Find Cheryl online at www.YourVoiceYourVision.com.
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Displaying 1 - 28 of 28 reviews
August 3, 2016
A forthright memoir of a woman’s sojourn with unbearable grief and an overwhelming sense of worthlessness as she bravely begins to heal.
You are immediately introduced to Rice with the abrupt demise of her mother, her spiral into the depths of mourning and agonizing despair. The reader feels Rice’s suffering especially if you have lost your own mother, extremely affecting. An unmistakably painful and poignant moment in Rice’s life I personally felt akin to.
Rice certainly bares her soul in a candid and intimate manner. Stricken by the insurmountable loss of her beloved mother, she reveals bargains and deals wagered with herself with the hopes of bringing her mother back to life, her relentless efforts to win her therapist’s love along with piloting her disquiet marriage while defining the role of wife. As her healing slowly takes place she delves into her family and her history purging and holding on to what’s of great importance.
Rice address issues many woman have faced or will face. Her honesty commands empathy and respect as she searches and discovers for her authentic self. Her essays will serve as a tool for women to validate their own experiences, questions and answers. No doubt there is a wealth of knowledge and comfort for every woman to pluck from Rice’s own endurances and words of wisdom. She will leave you crying, laughing and smiling as you travel alongside her in her quest and survival. A wonderful memoir of a courageous woman as she metamorphoses into the woman she was meant to be and wants to be.
You are immediately introduced to Rice with the abrupt demise of her mother, her spiral into the depths of mourning and agonizing despair. The reader feels Rice’s suffering especially if you have lost your own mother, extremely affecting. An unmistakably painful and poignant moment in Rice’s life I personally felt akin to.
Rice certainly bares her soul in a candid and intimate manner. Stricken by the insurmountable loss of her beloved mother, she reveals bargains and deals wagered with herself with the hopes of bringing her mother back to life, her relentless efforts to win her therapist’s love along with piloting her disquiet marriage while defining the role of wife. As her healing slowly takes place she delves into her family and her history purging and holding on to what’s of great importance.
Rice address issues many woman have faced or will face. Her honesty commands empathy and respect as she searches and discovers for her authentic self. Her essays will serve as a tool for women to validate their own experiences, questions and answers. No doubt there is a wealth of knowledge and comfort for every woman to pluck from Rice’s own endurances and words of wisdom. She will leave you crying, laughing and smiling as you travel alongside her in her quest and survival. A wonderful memoir of a courageous woman as she metamorphoses into the woman she was meant to be and wants to be.
August 13, 2014
Thank you for calling forth the courage bear all sides of your soul with me - the dark side, the wounded side, the hopeful side and most of all, the loving side. Through your stories, I felt, “Oh yeah. I’ve done that.”, “Uh oh. This isn’t going to end well.”, “Pheew. Thank God she came through that, because I’m rooting for Cheryl.
Somewhere in-between Strike up the Band and the first page of I Married the Green Lantern, I felt uplifted from being right beside you through it all. Through well-timed humor, honesty and analogy I was reminded that if I am willing to look into my own soul, I can remove the outdated, no longer valuable items, and make room for feeling grateful and loving toward myself and the ones I love. Thank you for this gift Cheryl.
Somewhere in-between Strike up the Band and the first page of I Married the Green Lantern, I felt uplifted from being right beside you through it all. Through well-timed humor, honesty and analogy I was reminded that if I am willing to look into my own soul, I can remove the outdated, no longer valuable items, and make room for feeling grateful and loving toward myself and the ones I love. Thank you for this gift Cheryl.
July 14, 2014
Cheryl's book is brave and raw; I couldn't put it down. She shares her heartfelt stories in a painfully honest way. Many women will be able to empathetically connect with even her most painful and embarrassing essays.
February 5, 2015
It's kind of self help, self discovery, but it is absolutely and completely easy to relate to. It starts with Cheryl losing her mother to a really quick bout of cancer. It throws her for a loop, especially when it becomes her mother is basically over it and ready to go to wherever we go when we die. Cheryl has basically had her entire life revolve around her mother so losing her left her in a tailspin- who was she as a motherless person? I think none of us are ever really to lose a parent, much less a mother. No matter the relationship you've had with your mother over life, it's still a bit jolting to one day realize you no longer have her.
So Cheryl decides in order to save her marriage, which kind of starts waffling as Cheryl is working through grief, she starts therapy. Except she starts falling for her therapist and of course, that's no ideal considering she's married. I really don't want to tell you more because it does kind of ruin the book for you, but know that you reading the chapters, which felt more like short essays, make you feel like you are on this journey with her. It felt wrong to laugh during this book because this is a woman who is clearly trying to find herself and is struggling, but I did. And Cheryl feels like that one friend we all have who always says they need to find themselves and we roll our eyes because who has? What does that even mean? Well reading this kind of brought that to a more concrete understanding of what that is, though I do still feel like it's a bit hokey.
Perhaps the most useful thing I took away from the book is to appreciate what I have, right now. Not worry so much about what I am missing from life, and not give any more time to things that don't matter. Basically, not dwell on the things that have been upsetting or have prevented me from living a good life now.
So Cheryl decides in order to save her marriage, which kind of starts waffling as Cheryl is working through grief, she starts therapy. Except she starts falling for her therapist and of course, that's no ideal considering she's married. I really don't want to tell you more because it does kind of ruin the book for you, but know that you reading the chapters, which felt more like short essays, make you feel like you are on this journey with her. It felt wrong to laugh during this book because this is a woman who is clearly trying to find herself and is struggling, but I did. And Cheryl feels like that one friend we all have who always says they need to find themselves and we roll our eyes because who has? What does that even mean? Well reading this kind of brought that to a more concrete understanding of what that is, though I do still feel like it's a bit hokey.
Perhaps the most useful thing I took away from the book is to appreciate what I have, right now. Not worry so much about what I am missing from life, and not give any more time to things that don't matter. Basically, not dwell on the things that have been upsetting or have prevented me from living a good life now.
October 7, 2014
Every woman can benefit from reading Cheryl's stories of love, longing, and loss. I giggled, grieved and wept along with Cheryl. She's an amazing writer. Her journey is your journey. She takes you where your hidden thoughts and feelings reside and gives them a voice. Every woman should read this book! It can lead the way for each of us to discovery a more authentic life.
April 24, 2025
A very healing work every person in despair and grief needs to read
Thank you for helping me see aspects of therapy that I actually went through every day after my mom and then my dad died. The grief has been overwhelming. It has been a hard journey for me but I see how every day I am coming back to myself in ways I never expected. This is a valuable resource for anyone in anxiety, grief, despair and sorrow due to loss of A close family member. I can't tell you how healing this was to read and I could see myself in your journey.
Thank you for helping me see aspects of therapy that I actually went through every day after my mom and then my dad died. The grief has been overwhelming. It has been a hard journey for me but I see how every day I am coming back to myself in ways I never expected. This is a valuable resource for anyone in anxiety, grief, despair and sorrow due to loss of A close family member. I can't tell you how healing this was to read and I could see myself in your journey.
November 8, 2025
Maybe a 3.5 star. There were times where her story mirrored my own life, then there were others where it was just so off the wall insane that I didn’t want to keep reading.
My sisters and I read this book each week on our sisters call. It paralleled our lives, in that my mom died of cancer and our father, while present in our lives, was extremely neglectful and emotionally stunted.
It was the falling in love with her therapist and then TELLING him about her desires to run into the words to have sex that lost us.
My sisters and I read this book each week on our sisters call. It paralleled our lives, in that my mom died of cancer and our father, while present in our lives, was extremely neglectful and emotionally stunted.
It was the falling in love with her therapist and then TELLING him about her desires to run into the words to have sex that lost us.
November 22, 2017
I feel like I need to justify this rating. It is not that the book itself is really bad, but I just suffered reading it. I guess I went through tough losses too but absolutely not as her and her journey annoyed me, I could just not relate at all. Not sure it's a useful book..
July 15, 2019
Cheryl is a former co-worker of mine. I'm in awe of her courage in sharing so much about her struggles, hopes and dreams, and with so much humor and forthrightness. Way to go Cheryl! Congratulations and best wishes!
July 4, 2025
A light, easy read about how the author interpreted her life.
July 29, 2025
I really don’t enjoy this book!
September 24, 2025
Couldn’t finish. Made it almost 70% through. Felt self-indulgent. To be fair, there could have been some great moments or points to make towards the end but I hadn’t reached them.
March 5, 2015
Where Have I Been All My Life? is the story of Rice’s dealing with grief after her mother’s death and how this harrowing life event served as the catalyst for change. Throughout the memoir, Rice invites the reader into her struggles as she trudges through grief and bumbles through the process of self-acceptance. Always concerned with the wants and needs of her mother, Rice now finds herself foundering without a crutch and thus moves toward understanding herself and becoming her own person.
Now, because I tend toward literary fiction and nonfiction that seeks to illuminate some universal theme, I must say that no one does grief like Joan Didion, but Rice, in her own way, provides her reader with great insight into the process of transformation. The only criticism I have is that Rice might have trusted her reader (and her own writing ability) a little more. I say this because her polished, well done use of description speaks for her emotions. She would often describe a scene and then proceed to tell the reader why she felt the way she did, which at times became redundant. After all, she spent nearly 3 pages explaining why she couldn’t make eye contact with her therapist, but because she had described herself and her state of mind so well on previous pages, the reader would have been able to pick up on the reasoning behind these non-verbal queues without the extra explanation.
I’m a bit obsessive about these small matters, which might matter not to other readers, and overall, I did enjoy this book. So back to what made it a great read…
First and foremost, Where Have I Been All My Life? is filled with rich description that invites the reader to experience each scene as though he or she is there (kudos for showing and not telling in these instances). The subject matter—intense grief, self-examination, change—lends to great connection between the material at hand the the reader. Though I’ve not lost someone as close to me as a parent (yet), I have been through the process of redefining and coming to terms with my own wholeness.
I commend Rice for her ability to relay this process of finding oneself in all its messy, haphazard, disorderly glory. The grief process and the journey to one’s true self are not as cut and dry as they are portrayed in the bright self-help books that line shelves at the local bookstore. The process is sometimes gruesome, sometimes suffocating, and Rice does well in articulating her own personal endeavor with such issues.
Where Have I Been All My Life is truly the modern woman’s struggle, and triumph, through tender matters that have in some way affected each of us. I recommend this read to anyone who has struggled with grief or self-esteem.
*This review is posted on my blog: http://manyhatsblog.com/
Now, because I tend toward literary fiction and nonfiction that seeks to illuminate some universal theme, I must say that no one does grief like Joan Didion, but Rice, in her own way, provides her reader with great insight into the process of transformation. The only criticism I have is that Rice might have trusted her reader (and her own writing ability) a little more. I say this because her polished, well done use of description speaks for her emotions. She would often describe a scene and then proceed to tell the reader why she felt the way she did, which at times became redundant. After all, she spent nearly 3 pages explaining why she couldn’t make eye contact with her therapist, but because she had described herself and her state of mind so well on previous pages, the reader would have been able to pick up on the reasoning behind these non-verbal queues without the extra explanation.
I’m a bit obsessive about these small matters, which might matter not to other readers, and overall, I did enjoy this book. So back to what made it a great read…
First and foremost, Where Have I Been All My Life? is filled with rich description that invites the reader to experience each scene as though he or she is there (kudos for showing and not telling in these instances). The subject matter—intense grief, self-examination, change—lends to great connection between the material at hand the the reader. Though I’ve not lost someone as close to me as a parent (yet), I have been through the process of redefining and coming to terms with my own wholeness.
I commend Rice for her ability to relay this process of finding oneself in all its messy, haphazard, disorderly glory. The grief process and the journey to one’s true self are not as cut and dry as they are portrayed in the bright self-help books that line shelves at the local bookstore. The process is sometimes gruesome, sometimes suffocating, and Rice does well in articulating her own personal endeavor with such issues.
Where Have I Been All My Life is truly the modern woman’s struggle, and triumph, through tender matters that have in some way affected each of us. I recommend this read to anyone who has struggled with grief or self-esteem.
*This review is posted on my blog: http://manyhatsblog.com/
October 16, 2014
Author Cheryl Rice takes us on her real-life journey from "good girl," paralyzed by feelings of longing and self-doubt to mature self-acceptance and wholeness. The death of her mother leads her to seek solace from a therapist, with whom she falls madly in love - unrequited. Calling on humor and hard-won wisdom, Rice recognizes that her "perfect" parents, especially her rigid father, were mistaken in their parenting. With searing honesty, she learns that her perfect past life
was deeply flawed and her attempts to pattern her future on it were doomed. Rice learns how to forgive the past and face the truth - about her parents and, more importantly, herself - the good girl; the kind, thin, pretty, perfect, people-pleasing girl.
At the end of her journey, Cheryl recognizes the fullness of her life and being, and learns to how to live a new, imperfect, but wonderful life. Rice says, "(Longing) was all I have known. Longing had been my drug of choice. It was time to kick the habit once and for all."
"Where Have I Been All My Life? A Journey Toward Love And Wholeness" is a must-read for women who long for authenticity and affirmation, and a must-read for the men who love them.
was deeply flawed and her attempts to pattern her future on it were doomed. Rice learns how to forgive the past and face the truth - about her parents and, more importantly, herself - the good girl; the kind, thin, pretty, perfect, people-pleasing girl.
At the end of her journey, Cheryl recognizes the fullness of her life and being, and learns to how to live a new, imperfect, but wonderful life. Rice says, "(Longing) was all I have known. Longing had been my drug of choice. It was time to kick the habit once and for all."
"Where Have I Been All My Life? A Journey Toward Love And Wholeness" is a must-read for women who long for authenticity and affirmation, and a must-read for the men who love them.
August 21, 2014
In her book Cheryl writes, "It took the death of my mother and a desperate unrequited crush on my therapist for me to discover that I had spent 45 years sustaining myself on a diet of longing instead of living and it was starving me."
That is just one of many poignant quotes in "Where Have I Been All My Life?" that struck a chord in me. Cheryl speaks from her heart and bares her soul in her beautiful writing. Though deeply personal, her stories tap into the experiences of many women (me included), and they invite the reader to consider how longing for something can be an invitation to greater self loving!
That is just one of many poignant quotes in "Where Have I Been All My Life?" that struck a chord in me. Cheryl speaks from her heart and bares her soul in her beautiful writing. Though deeply personal, her stories tap into the experiences of many women (me included), and they invite the reader to consider how longing for something can be an invitation to greater self loving!
September 17, 2014
I was lucky to receive an ARC of this book and once I started reading it I couldn't put it down. The author wrote with such honesty and integrity that I wanted to keep reading just to see how she was going to resolve the problems she was facing with grieving the death of her mother and falling in love with her off-limits therapist, all the while adjusting to a new marriage and being a new stepmom. Rice is a natural-born writer and communicator, which is not surprising given her profession as a life coach. I highly recommend reading this book, and you never know, you might just take away from it some healing advice to apply to your own life.
October 6, 2014
Cheryl takes the reader along on an intimate journey of reflection, despair, nostalgia, humiliation, discovery, acceptance, and, ultimately, clarity. I was drawn into a journey of my own memories of love, loss, longing, and learning through Cheryl’s captivating storytelling.
In the end, these journeys - through parallels and differences - brought me as the reader to a place of better understanding: we each lead lives that are blessed and burdened, if we are open to the entire experience.
I encourage you to take the journey through Cheryl’s memoir, to better understand your own experience and that evocative sense of wholeness that comes only after brokenness.
In the end, these journeys - through parallels and differences - brought me as the reader to a place of better understanding: we each lead lives that are blessed and burdened, if we are open to the entire experience.
I encourage you to take the journey through Cheryl’s memoir, to better understand your own experience and that evocative sense of wholeness that comes only after brokenness.
November 15, 2014
'Where Have I Been All My Life' will touch your heart, your spirit, your soul, your life! Author Cheryl Rice writes with such riveting honesty, simplicity, humor and depth that you will find yourself laughing out loud at her wonderful humor, pondering, sighing and feeling deeply for the struggling journey of this beautiful soul whose birth brought untold joy to her family but her own realization of her value and worth not until her re-birth later in life! We are all wounded in different ways and Cheryl's memoir and journey is a gift of forgiveness and healing that helps all of us grow to new depths and appreciation of the 'Now'.
August 7, 2014
Cheryl's experience is at once unique and universal. Through humor, and the sharing of her life stories with openness and honesty, we gladly follow her through some difficult landscapes toward acceptance and love. She will undoubtedly illuminate something for everyone: we all can benefit from looking at who we are in light of where we came from. Cheryl models that uncovering the uncomfortable is essential to finding oneself, and that deeply exploring, and ultimately loving what is in our path will lead us to our true home.
September 9, 2014
I thought I would read this book a few essays at a time, but I could not put it down. From the powerful preface, Cheryl pulls you into her compelling journey through grief and longing and her emergence as a wiser and more "authentic" woman. She writes with deep honesty, courage, compassion and delightful humor telling her intensely personal story to illuminate the universal struggles that any woman knows all too well. I was profoundly moved by her story, and by the skill and grace with which she led me through her personal journey to self-discovery.
July 29, 2014
What a wonderful book - I laughed, I cried, but mostly I learned something about myself. Cheryl has a wonderful writing style that makes the reader feel as though they are sitting on the sofa together, drinking iced tea and swapping stories. I couldn't put the book down, I kept wanting to cheer Cheryl on in her journey and see where it took her next. It's so much more than a memoir or a self-help book, it's a glimpse inside your own life.
August 20, 2014
Where Have I Been All My Life is a beautifully written book! The reviewer that summed it up for me called it both personal and universal. Though the story and voice is uniquely Cheryl Rice's, the themes of grief, longing and worthiness speak to all readers, especially women. The collection of personal stories Cheryl tells are tender, sad and funny. Curl up with this book on a rainy afternoon with something hot to drink and you will be glad you'll find it as delicious and nourishing as I did!
September 20, 2014
This book started as an easy read book and as I read I began to explore my own inner feelings. It is very thought provoking. We do not know how we will feel when the person we admire and love the most leaves this earth. Cheryl Rice's journey was thought provoking and real. This was a topic that we do not like to think about or discuss, so was happy to find the humor in it along with the grim and sad. So glad I read this book. Thank you Cheryl Rice for opening our eyes and hearts.
October 1, 2014
Cheryl writes in beautiful prose to describe her sometimes not-so-beautiful journey. In her honest, very personal, and intimate memoir, Cheryl takes you along from tears to laughter and back. Along the way, Cheryl navigates some wrong turns and U-turns, leading her to the ultimate destination of love and wholeness.
Women will be able to connect with many of the themes in the book.
It is a book that needs to be shared and will no doubt be popular in book clubs!
October 21, 2014
I laughed, I cried and I fell in love with David and with Alan. I have not lost my mother however I have though about how it would impact me if that were to ever happen. I know eventually it will take place and this book gave me an insight as to how I would possibly feel when that time comes. I would be lost and hurt and this helps give me strength to know it will be okay and I will find my way.
February 7, 2015
Cheryl is a former co-worker of mine. I'm in awe of her courage in sharing so much about her struggles, hopes and dreams, and with so much humor and forthrightness. Way to go Cheryl! Congratulations and best wishes!
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January 31, 2016Kate's pick 11/14. Didn't care for it.
March 17, 2015
A beautiful true story of grief and recovery
Displaying 1 - 28 of 28 reviews