Forgive Me If I've Told You This Before

by Karelia Stetz-Waters

Shy, intellectual, and living in rural Oregon, Triinu Hoffman just doesn't fit in. She does her best to hide behind her dyed hair and black wardrobe, but it's hard to ignore the bullying of Pip Weston and Principal Pinn. It's even harder to ignore the allure of other girls. As Triinu tumbles headlong into first love and teenage independence, she realizes that the differences that make her a target are also the differences that can set her free. With everyone in town taking sides in the battle for equal rights in Oregon, Triinu must stand up for herself, learn what it is to love and have her heart broken, and become her own woman.

Genres: LGBT, Young Adult, Queer, Fiction, Lesbian, Romance, Contemporary

304 pages, Paperback

First published October 9, 2014

About the author

Karelia Stetz-Waters remembers a time when happy endings romantic love was a holy grail she thought she would never find. Stories about lesbians all ended tragically. At seventeen, she was certain the best she could hope for was to die nobly for the woman she loved (who would never love her back, of course). Four years later, she saw her true love across a crowded room, and they have been together for twenty-plus years.

Knowing that happily-ever-after is possible for everyone, Stetz-Waters has made it her life’s mission to craft happy endings about women finding true love with other women. She is also on a quest to spread “cliteracy” across the country, using her work as a romance writer to teach readers about female sexual anatomy, desire, and pleasure.

When she’s not shopping for model clitorises or writing love stories, she’s teaching writing at a community college in rural Oregon where her students inspire her every day with their bravery, creativity, and perseverance. She also teaches for the Golden Crown Literary Society Writing Academy, a creative writing program for queer women. It’s been her honor to mentor writers who are now her peers and colleagues. Karelia also loves to garden, draw, and play with her pug-mix, Willa Cather.

Karelia has a BA in Comparative Literature from Smith College and an MA in English from the University of Oregon. She is represented by Jane Dystel of Dystel, Goderich & Bourret.

Reviews

[BJ Lillis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Masterpieces lurk in plain sight. This one is disguised as an old school YA novel, the kind I remember from the elementary school library, with a horrendous sans-serif font and a flaring sun on the cover, marked by the strenuous effort to depict High School as it was and not as we imagine it could have been, with poetic, declarative prose, a plot fast-moving and impressionistic, a sense of humor aligned more to the kinds of jokes teenagers tell than the kinds sitcom writers put in their mouths. Also a certain wryness, an overlaying of teenage and adult perspectives. Its cultural touchstones are obvious: dad reads Auden, queer kids listen to Morrisey. All are utterly unafraid of God, Love, and Cliché. There is no internet. Just a quiet, true, hilarious book. Just 1992 with all its cruelties and humiliations and glorious epiphanies.

[Allison · Rating 5 out of 5]

"And I knew what I had always known: I would not trade my loneliness for the halogen glow of their certainty, their dissecting light, their public lust, so bright it scared God away..."

(review also posted here.)

I first discovered this book thanks to a review by Sara Quin of the band Tegan and Sara (she tweeted about it and also has a blurb on both the front and back covers of the book). I finally ordered a copy for Christmas and decided to make it my first read book in 2015 and, WOW, I am so glad I did. Essentially, this novel follows a teenager, Triinu, through her high school years. She deals with discovering her sexuality, first love, friendship, bullying, hatred. Let's just put it this way: she deals with a lot.

This book is all at once funny, heartbreaking, maddening, and joyful. As we follow Triinu through high school, we cry and laugh and cringe right along with her. I applaud this book and its author, Karelia Stetz-Waters, for this amazing portrayal of queerness and reality in early-1990s America, a time that I can only see through portraits such as this one. I don't really want to say that much about this story because I feel like I could go on for days. I will just highlight a few things.

First, I don't think I have ever hated a fictional character as much as Principal Pinn. He is the worst combination of hatred and ignorance and self-righteousness. It is safe to say, then, that I absolutely loved what ends up happening with this character. Take that, Pinn! My heart ached for Triinu and everyone like her that had to deal with such a horrible person as the head of their school.

On the other end of the spectrum, I adored Triinu and Isabel's friendship. As both girls changed, as they both met new people and tried new things, they always came back to each other. I loved the scene where Triinu finally decided to come out to Isabel and it was just such a simple acceptance and acknowledgment. The realization that after all those years, after all the times they fell apart and came back together, it was always just Isabel and Triinu, the best of friends. I thought that this aspect of the book was really well done and it really provided a bright spot throughout all of the negative things that Triinu was experiencing.

Finally, I just want to touch on the humor in this story. Despite everything, the main character is funny and witty and bold. One part that I always replay in my head is when she first stared to change her wardrobe and style and her mom said that she looked like she was a funeral director. Triinu just said something like (not a direct quote): "no, I look like I'm going to a funeral. If I was a funeral director, I'd be wearing a beige suit." I just love that about her. She doesn't let herself get torn down.

There isn't much that I would critique about this story. Maybe more Ava because I think that her chemistry with Triinu was through the roof. I just love this book the way it is. Don't mess with it!

[Elizabeth · Rating 5 out of 5]

Things I almost never do on Goodreads: write reviews and give five stars.

For me, books start out at three stars. That's the baseline. If they're good they can move up and if they stink they can move down, but a three-star rating means that the book was a solid, nothing groundbreaking but no actual bad parts read. I know this is not how many people on Goodreads rate books, but I rate books with a system that helps me remember how I felt about them when I look back through, not to appease the general public. I write reviews for my ultimate favorite books, those that hit me hard and I need to spread the word about, and that doesn't happen very often.

THAT BEING SAID.

This book. This freaking book. Was amazing. I loved the entire thing (though I admit it took me way too long to figure out that it was not set in the 2010s. Oops). Though this character and I, at first glance, don't have much in common, by the end of the book I felt as if I had found my long-lost best friend, two generations too early.

This book dragged me through all the emotions: those troublesome ones I desperately try to avoid in real life and the few good enough to be sought out. I laughed, cried, gasped, and empathized my way through this entire thing.

When I finished the book, I tweeted the author, Karelia Stetz-Waters about how great I thought the book was. She responded!! (I get very excited about things like that. I am a product of my generation, after all.)

Please, please, please, please read Forgive Me If I've Told You This Before. Shoot me a message if you want to discuss, because unlike book reviews, book discussions are something that I will absolutely enter with anyone into at any time.

[Jordan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved it, I loved it, I loved it. Stetz-Waters writes with the delicious, simple prose that I can't get enough of. "Forgive Me" is a coming of age story about a teenage girl who realizes that she is gay at the same time that the majority of people in her hometown are fighting for anti-gay legislation. The story is both beautiful and painfully honest. Stetz-Waters perfectly captures the unique pain of first love with someone who does not want to be interested in you, as well as the bittersweetness of self-discovery. Queer women will see themselves in at least one character in this book whether it's Triinu, Ursula, or Ava. I consider this a highly recommended book for anyone and a must read for queer women, who so rarely get to see their experiences accurately depicted in fiction. (less)

[William York · Rating 5 out of 5]

Unique in its ability to communicate both a beautiful story, filled with well developed characters, and brilliant social commentary. In short, you will enjoy this book, and it belongs are not only your book shelf, but that of all your friends as well.

I originally wrote the rough draft of this review several weeks ago, as is my habit I put it aside awhile to rest before coming back to it. In that brief time span, however, Forgive if I’ve Told You This Before by Karelia Stetz-Waters was nominated for the The 27th Annual Lambda Literary Award, and as you can imagine, this wonderful event required me to change the entire nature of my review. Time to step up my game, as it were, as a book reviewer. I decided that this review needs to be very different from the sort of let-me-tell-you-what-happens style of review. I’m ready, are you? You can read an excellent synopsis here, and here.

Several months back when I finished reading Forgive if I’ve Told You This Before I knew that this was the most significant book that I would read all year. I sincerely believe that Forgive if I’ve Told You This Before belongs in every high school english classroom as required reading.

One of the benefits of growing up in the 1960s is to have been able to have watched first hand, as the events the civil rights movement unfolded. The singular and powerful side of Dr. Martin Luther King, that all people should be judged by the quality of their character and not by external appearances, would reverberate through every liberation and civil rights movement that followed. During the 1970s through the 1990s I lived what could be described a bicoastal lifestyle. Spending equal amounts of time in both San Francisco and New York City. I watched first hand as thousands died from the then unknown epidemic if Aids. I was witness to not only the death of many friends, but was present when both the violence against and the birth process of the LGBTQ civil rights movement.

This is why I feel that Forgive if I’ve Told You This Beforeis such a significant book. Yes, in true YA Literature fashion, Stetz-Waters walks us through the coming of age story of Triinu Hoffman, the protagonist, but this book is so much more than that. Stetz-Waters, through the eyes and body of Triinu, gives us a startlingly frank and revealing look at the inner workings of society. We are privy to the violence that brews in the minds and hearts of a privileged class that not only wields power that they do not deserve, but an entire class of people that is totally out of control. In America we have a tradition of violently eliminating anything that is different from the so-called norm.

This is where the real beauty of this novel is gifted to the reader. There is compassion here, in abundance. Deeply woven through the coming of age story we are pulled into the questioning and pure desire-to-know that lives in Triinu’s mind and heart. Yes, we live and feel her struggles through both the seemingly everyday challenges (which BTW are no where near mundane), and in the sometimes very violent situations that she must face, often alone. There is grace here too. Despite difficult choices, we as readers, get a unique chance to cheer and rejoice as Triinu emerges victorious from her trial by fire.

Forgive if I’ve Told You This Before is unique in its ability to communicate both a beautiful story, filled with well developed characters, and brilliant social commentary. In short, you will enjoy this book, and it belongs are not only your book shelf, but that of all your friends as well.

[Dory · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sometimes one thing is enough. I loved a lot of things about this book, but none as much as the way it contains so fully the visceral truth of what it means to be sixteen and in love. The biggest triumph of Forgive Me If I've Told You This Before is Stetz-Waters's deft sewing of that prickly seam between utter pedestrian banality (Slurpees, used RV dealers, homework) and the sensational huge-ness that is falling in love. Stetz-Waters captures it perfectly here:

How could I step out of my life of Scantron bubbles and No. 2 pencils and say, 'Until I met you I was nothing'?

And here:

I carried on like that for months. I lived to see Ursula. Still, when she did call, I was distracted, easily miffed, at turns sullen or obsequious. Often I just stared at her, thinking I'm going to tell her in three...two...one."

This is not a book about coming out. Or being queer. Or being bullied. It’s about all of those things. But, really, it’s a book about love. It echoes a line from an essay by Mel Wells in Untangling the Knot (also recently published by Ooligan Press):

When I do tell my family I’m dating a female, I don’t want them wondering who is the “man” and who is the “woman” in our relationship. I want them to remember the delicious sensation of falling in love…Because being gay is not all about sex. It is not even all about marriage. It is about love.”

And that one thing is enough.

[Abigail · Rating 5 out of 5]

Karelia Stetz-Waters wrote one of my all time favorites and literally no one talks about it.

[Hanna Ziegler · Rating 4 out of 5]

Forgive Me is the breathtaking coming-of-age story of Triinu Hoffman, a young woman coming to terms with her sexuality during the tumultuous gay rights struggle in Oregon during the 90s. In the broader context of homophobia and oppression, Triinu’s story is one of perseverance, bravery, and strength. Her emotional journey was compelling and relatable, and I found myself wholly invested in her triumphs and discouraged by the obstacles in her path to happiness. Her voice was fresh and enchanting, and the perspective that she presents is historic, powerful, and still relevant now in 2018. I have been reading more and more books with LGTBQ protagonists, and the one thing that always strikes me is how important it is to hear these voices represented in all forms of media. Diversity in all its forms is so necessary, especially in times when the social and political climates are charged with fear, anger, miseducation, and close-minded obstinance. Good, honest, and optimistic representation of diversity in media is more important now than ever, and I’m grateful that Forgive Me holds up to those expectations.

[Rachel Brown · Rating 5 out of 5]

Forgive Me If I've Told You This Before tells the beautiful, heart-wrenching story of Triinu's high school years in Orgeon from 1989-1993. And it is sad, lovely, interesting, and unique. The characters are well-crafted, flawed, realistic people. I loved that it was a story of a teenager whose parents weren't the enemy, who were odd and charming. Triinu's friends resemble real people, and the real drifting between friends that happens when you are an outcast loner trying to figure out your identity as a teen.

It was a story where not much happens, yet everything happens. About what life feels like. About love in its many varied forms. And also about pain, rejection, and all the other things that make life hard at that age. I absolutely loved this book.

I feel like the summary made it sound more like a typical light-hearted coming of age and it really isn't.

I would like to add a content warning for homophobic bullying/ harassments from both students and adults.

[TinHouseBooks · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jessica Miler (Editorial Intern, Tin House Books): I’m reading Forgive Me If I’ve Told You This Before by Karelia Stetz-Waters, the newest book from Ooligan Press, where I am a staff member. It tells the story of Trinuu Hoffman who’s just entering high school in southern Oregon in the early nineties. As Trinuu comes to the realization about her identity as a lesbian, the battle over Measure 9 heats up. Filled with colorful characters who leap off the page and a dizzingly, lyrical style, Stetz-Waters’ newest (and first) YA novel is one that has stayed with me since the first time I read it in the acquisition phase.

[Kelly Quindlen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is such a beautiful book. I finished it two months ago but still find myself thinking about it. Trinu is an amazing, dynamic, empathetic, refreshing main character, and Stetz-Waters relays Trinu's path through adolescence beautifully. The intersection of Trinu's queer and Estonian-American identities is delicate and understated, but powerful. Her relationship with her parents is the best I've read in any queer YA book, and one of the best in YA books at large. Her parents leap off the page - real, comforting, permanent. (They are the parents I wish I had written!) Trinu's meditations on God and her place in the world are lyrical and honest. "Forgive Me" is one of those books that stays with you, imprinting on your memory. It was a joy to read and I consistently name it when readers/followers ask me for book recs.

[Emanuele · Rating 2 out of 5]

I didn't like it. It is well written, I agree with that.
But it is too angst, too sad, too drama. And that's is not the kind of story I want to read when I open a lgbt book. Specially when the main character is cute.

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

The best kind of book. Left me feeling less lonely, more creative, able to handle the animosity of others. I especially loved and connected to Trinu’s thoughts about God and faith and I feel super lucky I came across this book.

[Akari · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a beautiful story, and it definitely holds a special place in my heart. Stories of romance, friendships, heartbreak, and love are masterfully woven in with bigger social issues about LGBTQ+ rights in the state of Oregon. I couldn’t help but root for Triinu whenever her homophobic bullies of all forms would try to physically and mentally beat her down, but she rises above it each time, in her own way. It’s so reminiscent of the experiences of many people who struggle with the similar displays of homophobia in their communities. While it’s not the only theme in the book, it’s an important inclusion. It’s a good reminder that while things have gotten better than in the past (that entire history from witch burnings to arrests, losing employment and healthcare, etc.), homophobia, of all sorts, still exists and needs to be talked about and understood even within the LGBTQ+ community.

What I loved most, was how the story had some quiet moments that were just so beautiful and in step with the ebbs and flows of life. I can’t think of any other way to describe this story in a gist.

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Forgive Me If I’ve Told You This Before is a memorable coming-out story. I found the protagonist, Triinu, a smart, independent young woman, to be very relatable and real.

The setting, in both time and place, is very well defined. The temporal setting in the form of the social and political context, specifically the 1992 referendum on anti-gay measures in Oregon (Ballot Measure 9), provided a fascinating background that brought Triinu head-to-head with anti-gay discrimination. The feel of the physical location, the “Grass Seed Capital of the World” – a small town surrounded by green fields in rural, eastern Oregon – set the tone of Triinu’s high school experience. Both features of the setting were strongly linked to Trinuu’s coming-out experience.

Karelia Stetz-Waters’s writing style is beautiful and literary, but also very accessible. Her use of the first person enhances the story, and I liked the way in which it enabled me to perceive Triinu’s experiences. Triinu has quite a mature understanding of the world, including the political situation in Oregon, and the anti-gay violence. She can see that it may threaten her, given her emerging lesbian identity. For Triinu, the personal and political aspects of this situation overlap.

Triinu’s coming out, as well as coming into her identity as lesbian, is also portrayed very well. While Triinu has a few crushes and sexual relationships with other teenage girls, her coming-out story is one without a defining romance that leads her to identify as lesbian. She knows that she’s like the lesbians working at the women’s literary magazine where she volunteers, but as a generation younger, and identified as a Goth, Triinu doesn’t look or dress like them and needs to define herself in her own, unique way.

Triinu’s parents really stood out as secondary characters. They’re charmingly literary and intellectual, and as an only child, Triinu has a strong bond with them. I liked the way that they were so supportive of Triinu in all aspects of her life.

With the recent Supreme Court ruling in favour of same-sex marriage, the situation in Oregon in 1992 seems very far away and very different. But at the same time, it’s very close. Some of the struggles that Triinu faces as a lesbian teenager, in terms of bullying and lack of understanding from her high school administrators, are not that different from the tough situations many LGBTQ teenagers face today. The Oregon referendum that features in the story, if passed, would have prevented gay people being hired in public service jobs. However, if you think about it, this is not so far from the struggles that many still face today. With a lack of anti-discrimination legislation in some places, people in certain jobs are still unable to be out at work. Forgive Me If I’ve Told You This Before reminds us that it’s important to know and remember these details of our history, and the past struggles that brought us where we are today.

I liked the way that we could see a connection between the situation of Triinu’s grandmother in Estonia during the Second World War, and the 1992 Oregon initiative. It provided a reflection of oppression in another time and place. Similarly, Estonia forging towards independence from the USSR in 1991 seemed to mirror Triinu’s moving towards freedom and independence in the form of coming out and adulthood. I also appreciated that while Triinu tried to connect herself to her Estonian heritage, it was mostly as a means of differentiating herself from her peers, because she was so integrated in American society.

Although this book is categorized as Young Adult, I think it would be enjoyed by readers of any age. For anyone who has come out as lesbian, many of Triinu’s feelings will strike a note of understanding or reflection.

While the phrase used in title is linked to Triinu’s father’s lead-in to stories about his childhood, it’s also noteworthy in the sense that “forgive me if I’ve told you this before,” might become something that Triinu says as she becomes older, when telling the stories of her youth and coming out experience. Her story, in this fictional form, is worth “hearing” again, and I definitely will be rereading it. I also plan to read Karelia Stetz-Waters’s other work.

[Jean-Michel MUYL · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is not the first YA LGBT fiction I read. You'll find some of the usual conventions of the genre : the high school and its cliques, the hateful or supporting teachers, friends and foes, and the end, the prom.
But...
Triinu and most of the novel's characters are complex, and their motives are described or suggested in the deepest manner.
She's not strugling with her sexual identity only, but also with the process of growing up, leaving childhood.
There is almost no sex here, It's just not the main topic.
The author succeeds in describing a progressively changing personnality, from a shy freshman kid to a strong junior young lady, still fragile, but standing fiercely for what she believes.
It's also all about friends : what is a real friend, a false one ? How to make the good choices.
It's about family, and family values (the real and the false ones).
It is about identity, what does it mean to be an Estonian-American between 1990 and 1992, with a family memory running from the invasion of Estonia by USSR to the liberation of 1991 ?
It's also about religion and faith, music... and many other things.
Triinu also has to struggle with the particular Oregon's context of the "measure 9" ballot of 1992. While dealing with her blossoming identity, she has to face hatred and bigotry, and even death threats and hate crimes.
I cannot help but compare with the situation here in France and the explosion of homohobia we have to confront since the gay marriage controversy of 2012. No doubt some young French readers could identify with Triinu.
I love Karelia Stetz-Waters' style and am going to read her other books.

[Angie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked the story I think Karelia Stetz-Waters was trying to tell. And she gets full marks from me in how originally she tackles Triinu's inner turmoil and how she navigates through her friendships and romantic relationships and how she goes away from the trope of meeting the love of your life in high school.

I loved that Triinu's home was filled with poetry and parents who loved each other. I liked Triinu's childhood best friend, Isabel, a lot and how she always managed to stay true to who she was and had the capacity to forgive Triinu for needlessly abandoning her. I liked Chloe and Aaron and Ava. I even liked Triinu most of the time.

But there were so many things about this novel that didn't work for me, too. The pacing seemed weird. It was hard for me to find the rhythm of the narrative. Things happened on the page without any build up, so that I would go back and see if I'd somehow missed some now-important detail. I hadn't. Pip and Ben were believable bullies, but Mr. Pinn, the principal of a public school, even in the early 1990s, didn't seem believable to me. At least in the way he was presented. I pretty much hated everyone Triinu was attracted to, apart from Ava. And Triinu's transformation into Goth girl never really made sense or was explained, nor did it add anything to her character. I just didn't get it.

It took me a while to get into it, and until the final few chapters, it was mostly a chore—a curious chore, perhaps—to read.

[Shelley Pearson · Rating 5 out of 5]

While I was reading this, I had big feelings of déjà vu that made me realize that I started reading it a few years ago never finished. But it’s a coming out story set in the early 90s in small-town Oregon, so there was a second where I wasn’t sure if I really had read it before, or if I was just having déjà vu to my own life. I’m glad I finished it this time, because I loved it more and more as the story went on. At first, I was nervous when Triinu got so into poetry, because I kind of hate poetry, but it made a lot of sense in the story, and is a good medium to capture the drama and intensity of first loves and teenage feelings. I thought the author did a really good job of portraying those feelings, which are basically my favorite part of young adult literature. I also loved all the stuff about Triinu’s friendship with Isabel, and how different friends/crushes would rotate in and out of Triinu’s life. Very realistic!

Originally I was thinking I would count this for the Popsugar Reading Challenge as a book I meant to read in 2018, but in the end I decided of call it a book that makes me feel nostalgic. NOT nostalgic for the homophobia, but all the talk about driving around with nowhere to go, trying to act older and cooler, and just the crushing weight of all the feelings of teendom really took me back to being that age.

[Ch · Rating 3 out of 5]

Sometimes the good pictures aren't the good pictures. Sometimes, it's what in the corner of a bad picture that you really care about.

3.5 stars! This was wonderfully written and though it started very slow and didn't connect to Triinu's character right away I enjoyed it. I love how Triinu developed through out the novel in terms of finding out what and who she really is, search for true love and faithful friends.

Triinu's relationship with her parents was a refreshing take, it's rare to find a teenager to have a positive and quirky relationship with her intellectual parents rather than make fun of them and be ashamed, maybe because this was set in the 1990's, people were different back then. Since, it was 1990's, this was also a flashack from Oregon's Measure 9 ballot, I thought this was just for the novel not knowing it was a real thing. It was a very very scary thought, and I could feel Triinu's fear if it was passed, the bullies were already more than enough.

Overall, Forgive Me If I've Told You This Before wasn't just about being gay, it's about growing up, friendship, getting away, love and heartbreak and family, never forget family.

[Aris Taylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

im fifteen years old, and ive been reading for about nine years. for about the same time, ive known i was a lesbian.
this book was the very first time ive ever seen myself in anything.

triinu is just like anyone else. shes still trying to figure out who she is, and along the way, she changes out the people who are important in her life. she slowly but surely is able to figure things out.

my favorite part about this book is that triinu doesnt seem to mind that shes a lesbian, she just minds how close minded and bigoted her town is. this book portrays the very real fear that LGBT+ people faced back then, and still do.

i dont know how to put my feelings on this book into words. i dont know how to tell you all that i cried when we realize that triinu likes girls. i dont know how to tell you that for the first time in awhile, i was able to see my sexuality as something other than a burden.

all i can tell you is that, for anyone wondering about their place or who they want to be or anything of the sort, this is the book for you.

[Yahli Rot · Rating 3 out of 5]

I don't really know how to rate this book, but 3/5 felt the closest at the moment.
Horrifying start, first chapter needs some trigger warnings. Then it bacame boring. Then a mix of boring and annoying with cringe moments in between. the Prom chapter saved the book for me, but if it wasn't for book club I might have DNFed this way before that scene...

The language was a bit too poetic sometimes, especially for a 14-18 yo. But when her parents talked it was sweet and fitting.
The pace of the book was a bit off imo, sometimes skipping months or almost a year and sometimes too much focus on a very short moment that I didn't think was that deep or important to the character/plot.

Isabel is a good character.
Triinu goes through some serious issues in the 4 years the story covers, her development is impressive and mostly believable. She's a much better person by the end which makes the end the better part of the story because she's more relatable.
Good ending, realistic, hopeful.

Not very enjoyable, it was a struggle to finish, but the end is good enough that I don't feel like it was a waste of time. This book would be more beneficial for teen readers who might relate to the problems of that age that I really can't connect with or understand.

[Sam · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you are looking for a real mushy love story this is not it. This is still a very good book that deals with a bunch of issues.. Burned through it. 4plus

[Kelesea · Rating 5 out of 5]

Title: Forgive Me If I've Told You This Before

Author: Karelia Stetz-Waters

Age Group: Teen/Young Adult

Genre: Coming of Age/Gay Fiction

Series: N/A

Star Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

This book was given to me by the publisher, Ooligan Press, through Edelweiss, in exchange for an honest review.

Part of the reason I love young adult fiction is a classic topic: coming of age. We can all relate to being a teenager. But the trick with a coming of age story is that you have to capture an original voice that will resonate with the reader. And Stetz-Waters does just that in Triinu, the young woman who narrates the novel. This book broke my heart, not just because of Triinu and her troubles, but the outcast in me resonated sharply with her story.



Triinu, the young Estonian woman, who might, just possibly, be gay. She longs for acceptance from her peers, and most of all, love. One of the reasons I loved her was because she was, essentially, a teenager, through and through. She thinks no one understands her, she has two loving but eccentric parents, the first love is the last--this book is a powerful, beautiful journey of self-discovery and self-acceptance, the portrait of a young woman coming into her own.



People in Triinu's life are not all bad, nor all good, they are all flawed and human, and they all have a huge impact on her and her choices. Isabel, Triinu's best friend, steadfast and smart, all to hide a deep inner pain, her parents, loving and hilarious and beautiful in their tender portrayal of a real family, Ursula, her first friend and love, and finally, Principal Pinn and Pip, two men who hate her for her homosexuality. This is brutally honest tale on what it means to be a teen, and what it takes to truly accept yourself.



The bottom line: This book was wonderful. Next on deck: Famous Last Words by Katie Alender!

literatureobsessed.blogspot.com.

[Terence Brierly · Rating 5 out of 5]

If your perception of the state of Oregon derives from liberal, urban havens like Portland or Salem, you might be surprised to see the sheer number of rural, conservative counties that stretch from the Pacific to the Idaho border. Oregon is a state with a complicated history of racism, sexism, colonialism, and as portrayed in this young adult novel by Karelia Stetz-Waters, homophobia.
Forgive Me If I've Told You This Before is the story of a young, gay person growing up in a time when antipathy on the subject of homosexuality is rampant and seemingly omnipresent. Chances are, you've heard that pitch before, and might have even read a similar story, but Forgive Me stands clear above competing narratives by eschewing tired tropes in LGBTQ+ literature for characters and a setting more grounded than anything this reviewer has read in the genre. Triinu is an immensely like-able protagonist, with refreshingly positive relationships with her friends and family, even if they don't really know who she is. Unlike so many YA books on the market, the drama here comes not from the main character's need for positive relationships, but from her desire to be true to herself in a world that demoralizes her.
Set in rural Oregon during the early 90's, much of the story revolves around the notoriously anti-gay Measure 9, and what it would mean for struggling LGBTQ+ citizens statewide. Having lived through the similar Prop 8 fiasco in California, I feel Stetz-Waters captures both sides of the debate, and the tumultuous aftermath incredibly well. This is a smart, grounded exploration of what it means to grow up gay in modern America, and story I would recommend to readers young and old.

[J. Peters · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the things I ended up taking away from this book was some rather unfortunate history. And for once, it wasn't just about LGBT related history. I never really knew about Estonia and the crisis it faced, and the refugees that fled. Both of these issues are still prominent ones today.

Going in to the book, I knew it was set in the 90's, and I knew that previous decades had some very rocky moments for LGBT rights. But learning about the Oregon Citizens Alliance - that was a bit of an eye opener. Not so much that it existed - that doesn't surprise me too much. But the fact that it feels like something that could exist - and probably does in many forms - today. The hatred and vitriol spouted by the people pushing for the OCA in the book rings all too familiar to many of the Christians and other conservative people today.

I am glad that things have started to shift away from how it used to be. Between this and the Misadventures of Cameron Post - well, it shows how much of a stark contrast there is between previous eras and the modern one. It's not universal of course, and there's many places that are still just as bad, but there has been progress made. Conversion camps are starting to become outlawed around the nation, and in other countries (not every country, but it's a start.) Gay marriage is a reality - though with the way things are going with the supreme court, it's not a guarantee that will always be the case. But I think that our current generation is growing up with a much more positive viewpoint towards LGBT issues. I think that this will help form a more positive future when it comes to LGBT rights.

I digress though.

Triinu was a fun and interesting character. I didn't always agree with her decisions in the book - especially when it came to some of her friendship choices earlier on in her high school life. I didn't always get the whole goth thing, other than it was her form of a shield against others, and an attempt to emulate Deidre, a girl who comes to her defense in her freshman year. Her relationship with her parents is a highlight of the book, and it's nice to see such a positive interaction between all parties involved - especially considering how prominent religion is and the fact that it's set in the 90's.

One of the strengths of the book was in the diverse cast of side characters - though in some ways, it was a bit of a weakness for me (more on that in a moment.) Isabel, Chloe, Aaron, Ava, and a handful of the teachers and other minor characters, they were all enjoyable. I really felt for Isabel - she's a great friend, honestly, probably better than Triinu deserved at times. I liked Chloe and Aaron as well - Chloe started off as just sort of a side mention, but became a more prominent character, and one that help offset Ursula. In some cases, there were almost too many characters that didn't get a moment. And damn, I felt bad for Isabel. Triinu was a real jerk to her a lot of the time, and I don't feel like Triinu got called out on it enough. Oh well - they did have some really sweet moments together.

Another strength was the fact that the book wasn't focused too much on romance. And I don't mean that in the sense that I don't like romance, or that I didn't want to see it in the book (in fact, I was actually disappointed by the fact that some romances didn't happen.) But it was still kind of nice that the focus was more on Triinu and the issues of her life. Yeah, there's relationship drama, but it's a much more realistic kind. Everyone has probably had that crush in high school, where you're totally focused on someone. You build them up in your head, you hope to get a chance to date them, but it doesn't quite work out. A lot of times in YA books, you get romances that feel more adult in nature, in the sense that it's like some kind of predestined soulmate type thing. Here, it feels more realistic for high school. It's not always going to work out, and flings and casual relationships will happen. A few spoiler thoughts: Was I the only one that thought that Deidre was going to be the main relationship? Cause when she was introduced, I thought, damn, this girl is a badass. And she seemed to have a slight soft spot for Triinu. But she graduates and more or less vanishes from the story. It makes sense. But I was surprised. I then thought that maybe Isabel was going to turn out to be the surprise romance - mostly because Isabel was so loyal, even when Triinu was being a jackass to her. I thought it was because Isabel was in love with her, but it was kind of nice to find out that they just had a really strong foundational friendship. I guess I'm so used to romances that I kept assuming every new character introduced would become the new romance. Ursula and the focus on her was kinda disappointing, albeit realistic, so I can't hold that against the narrative.

It's also very good at being frank about pretty much everything. It doesn't hold back when it comes to characters and their viewpoints. It doesn't hold back on Triinu's thoughts. She goes through some intense shit throughout her high school years, and it wears on her. But she remains strong and doesn't hold back on her own opinions, even if sometimes they're just internal ones. Her journey was both heartbreaking and inspiring.

It was a fun read, and also an educational one. I ended up learning a lot about LGBT history in Oregon, as well as history concerning Estonia. The fact that this was coupled with some great characters, an intense narrative, and an overall well written story? You can't ask for much more than that.

Oh, and one thing is for sure. You WILL hate Principal Pinn. That guy is such an enormous jackass. If you don't end up hating him, then you're probably a jackass yourself, and I can't imagine why you'd even want to read this book in the first place. I wanted to reach in and punch him in his righteous face, because I know people like him have and still exist. Bleh! The biggest consolation of his involvement in the story, and in learning about the Oregon Citizens Alliance, was that it's a real bit of a history, and many of the things they fought against out of bigotry, hatred, and fear are now a reality.

[Ari · Rating 5 out of 5]

As someone who lived through the '90s I relate to this story a great deal, but I hope this doesn't deter younger readers, especially teens, from picking it up. The story is beautiful and the pain is universal. Stetz-Waters captured the angst that comes with being a teenage outcast so well. The occasional arrogance, the near-impenetrable loneliness, the joy and relief of having one good friend. Perhaps my favorite aspect of this book is that it doesn't descend into common YA tropes where the protagonist is up against a single person or group of people. Triinu is literally up against a community that believes people like her should not exist, and I feel like that mirrors the teen experience—to feel like the whole world wants to ensure your misery, one way or another. It's a sad read, but so hopeful, too.

Great book. Great, great, GREAT book.

[Bethany · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lately I've been asking myself why I continue to read LGBT+ YA books since the genre tends to underwhelm me more than anything. But the reason I keep reading is books like Forgive Me If I've Told You This Before.

I think I would compare this book to The Miseducation of Cameron Post, except it's less depressing. They both share a strong evocation of the eras they're set in, and also contain a more realistic development (not to mention destruction) of relationships. As much as I love a sappy gay love story, when it comes to YA fiction I sometimes wish a different story could be told. Though with Karelia Stetz-Waters' writing, I think I'd love whatever direction she took the story in!

[JulesGP · Rating 5 out of 5]

Outstanding Book on a Girl's Journey

Wonderfully intimate story about one girl's day in day out struggles and triumphs as she just plain old tries to grow up. This is is not a love story unless you're talking about learning to be happy in your own skin. I was disappointed at first because I wanted an ABC story and this is not one of those books. Instead, I genuinely felt like I took a deep journey with this human being. I was angry for her when she was the target of hate, I cried when her heart was broken, and when she discovered her next chapter, I celebrated with her too. Outstanding book.

[Ryan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Writing a teen novel can be an opportunity of poetic verse that goes deep into the heart or it can be a trite tale of a superficial existence, Adding in the complexity of the LGBT experience made this YA title totally readable and fundamentally relatable.

Extra kudos for the music list in the back of the book.

[Fatima · Rating 5 out of 5]

A head above every YA coming of age novel I've read so far. I haven't been so engaged with a young protagonist since finishing A Tale for the Time Being. Lyrical and so very honest while maintaining a stabbing strand of realism.